A/N: Just wanted to thank everyone for the support.

I've been doing this for awhile, and...well, its been fun. So thanks. It means a lot, and it always will.

In other news depression's starting to hit even harder these damn days. Like a sledgehammer paired with concrete.

Sometimes I wonder why I do anything at all. I can't claim to understand what's going wrong with my head anymore. I don't even know why I'm feeling this way! One moment I'm fine, then my mood craters for a few hours, then I'm back again for a bit, and the cycle repeats. On and on, round the bend, forever and without end! Its rather annoying; as though I've become a prisoner in my own mind sometimes. Sure, what's one more mental problem on the pile. Not like I don't have enough, what with already being this old. Feels like every day is a battle sometimes. Meanwhile, my doctor insists that I'm fine. Take a health walk he says. Go fishing. You'll be fine.

*siiiigh*

Right. Suuuure.

Don't bloody feel fine, doc.

As ever, I own no quotes, references, quotes, themes or memes! They're simply tributes to legends far greater than I.

I'm just an old man who writes as a pastime. I don't make any money doing this, not a single cent.

I've kept you waiting long enough, lets go.

"You use a sword one time and everybody starts getting ideas...

~?

A Most Unlikely Samurai

A new Servant emerged from the smoke.

Illya took one look at them and scowled, lips pursing in disbelief.

Where had she gone wrong?! This wasn't the one she'd wanted at all!

Because this was wrong! Wrong, wrong, wrong! All wrong! Where was Heracles?! She'd done everything proper! Properly! It should've been him!

So who in blazes was this?!

Whoever he was, he certainly didn't look like a berserker. Bright blue eyes blinked back at her, framed by whiskered cheeks and tawny blond hair. He wore a long kimono open at the chest, tattered and red, serving as a stark contrast to slender black sheathe at his side. A slender reed lay clasped tightly between his lips, although he turned and spat the latter out as he looked at her.

"Did I really just get pulled by a brat...? Aw, c'mon!" to his credit, the newcomer looked just as displeased to see her as she was him. "Of all the rotten luck...

The little Einzbern absolutely hissed. "Are you calling me short?!"

Her blond Servant scowled right back at her. "Well, I ain't callin' ya for supper...

Must. Not. Kill. She was stuck with him until the end of this war. If he died, she'd never achieve her goals. "What are you, then? Saber? Assassin? You can't be a Berserker; not when you look like that."

Her remark got a snort out of him. "Assassin? Me? I am literally the least stealthy person." his lips pursed as he seemed to consider something only he could see. "Well, I am a Berserker, but I'm technically also a Saber. Its complicated." he touched one hand to the side of his head with a sigh. "This is such a pain...I don't even wanna fight. Any chance you could break our contract and lemme leave? I was havin' a nice nap...

She absolutely twitched.

"I'm guessin' that's a no. Well, guess you're stuck with me, then. Good luck."

Illya screamed into her hands.

"Why meeeeeee?!"

A/N: Aaaand scene~!

I deliberately left this mostly threadbare for a reason. Its a template, to see what folks might think of it.

Well? What do you think? Don't hold back, I can't take it...I hope.

Once more, we're sticking with the "Embers" rule for this story, and others. Meaning folks don't like this, it won't be continued. If the story itself ain't popular/well-received...well, I won't be able to continue it. I'm working two jobs, holidays are here too, meaning I barely have time to write; as such, I cannot afford to write something folks don't enjoy.

So by all means, speak up! Your voice matters! Make yourself heard! As ever, reviews are the fuel that sustain me. Without them I cannot write a single word. Simple as that. Working nearly all hours of the day keep me absurdly busy, and I can't bring myself to write something folks don't like.

So...in the immortal words of Atlas...

...Revieeeeew, Would You Kindly?

Now previews here.

So very tired...

R&R! =D