A/N: ...must keep plot bunnies contained.

Tests came back negative for the most part, still waiting on few more.

Long story short, I had to get a massive swathe of skin on my side cut off the other day because my doctors are concerned and checking for cancer. And when I say cut, I mean CUT as in with several scalpels at once, leaving me in horrendous pain. Now I may need to go back to the hospital and get yet more "pieces" removed which has me stressed out even more. Don't get me started about the bleeding and the bandages. Painkillers aren't helping and I'm concerned it might be spreading while trying not to panic over here.

I've since had more pieces carved away on my chest and neck besides. In other words. I. Am. Suffering. Writing distracts me from the pain, if only just.

So here we go. The fate of this fragment depends on you, the reader. Your feedback determines the fate of this tale, and many others.

I'm just a humble author trying to make his way in this wild, wicked world, one word at a time.

Once more, I own no quotes, references, or memes. Not a wit or a one. NOT! A! THING!

They're all tributes to legends far greater than little 'ol me. Disclaimer over.

If anyone gets the references, kudos to you.

Papa Naruto moment incoming.

"Another one. Really?! Where are they all coming from?!

Bloody kids crawling out of the woodwork, I swear...

~?

Can't We All Get Along

He was covered in blood.

Jenevelle could see it all, and dearly wished she couldn't.

It frightened her, terrified her...and yet the sight of it also calmed her.

After all, he'd saved her.

Eyes wild, chest heaving and teeth bared, he stood amongst the corpses of her captors; weary, but unbroken. A hand gripped his left side and tore a stray spear free in a shower of blood. Another grasped the lance in his back and ripped that out, too. She blanched at sight, only to watch the wounds scab over and heal before her very eyes.

"Every time," he muttered under his breath. "For once, I wish someone would just say hello before they try to stab me."

Only then did he seem to notice her. Those cold blue eyes softened.

"Another one," he muttered under his breath. "You have gotta be kidding me. She's the second one this month. Am I cursed or something? Astarion's never going to let me hear the end of this. Might as well finish what I started...

He reached out for her with an annoyed sigh, palm glowing an ominous shade of gold.

Jenevelle scooted back like a drunken crab, shaking her head. "No!"

"Its alright." His voice soothed her. "I won't hurt you. Here."

He didn't touch her; yet she felt the wound on her face close all the same.

Awe dawned within her, replaced by fear.

Her whiskered savior took a deep breath, ran a hand through his hair, then heaved a sigh.

"Don't be afraid." he smiled wearily. "I'll get you back to your parents. Or...erm." craning his neck back, he saw their corpses, grimaced, and called out over his shoulder. Oi, Karlach! Its safe. You can stop hiding, now."

A little tiefling girl with curled horns and red skin poked her head out of a nearby bush, grinning from ear to ear. "Nice one, old man!"

"Compliment me later. Your new sister's going into shock." He waved an arm her way. "I need you to distract her."

"Sister...?" Karlach perked up. "Like Orin?"

"Yes, yes," Naruto whirled away, "Like Orin. Now make with the hugging while I clean up."

The tiefling needn't be told twice; she glomped onto her with a happy squeal. "New sister! Yay~!"

...what.

Jenevelle's head spun.

...what int he hells had she gotten herself into...?

A/N: Aaaaaand scene. Little!Shadowheart and Little!Karlach!

But we're not done yet! Adopt all the urchins! Adopt them all, we says!

Well? Should this remain a story? Yay or nay, what say you? Not much else to say this time 'round. Reviews keep me writing, and without them, my inspiration falls flat. Ever bit of feedback helps. Pain hurts. Pain hurts a loooot. But silence from readers and reviewers? That hurts even more. As ever, reviews keep this old man alive during these dark and crazy times.

Seriously, we're all locked away anyways these days, feedback is all that sustains me.

So in the Immortal Words of Atlas... Review...Would You Kindly?

May the make you smile~!

SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS!

PLOT DETAILS AHOY!

YE BE WARNED!

Read at your own risk!

(Previews)

"Don't let that egg hatch. You'll regret it.

Naruto considered the glowing green thing with a smile. "Why in the hells not?

"Pops is pretty awesome, isn't he?"

Jenevelle frowned. "He is literally a muderhobo."

"I know!" Karlach kicked her little legs over the pier, grinning as the sun rose. "Ain't it great?"

"Orin, no! Bad Orin! Put the dagger down!"

The pale child whined, kicking and struggling over his shoulder. "But muuurrrrdeeeer!"

"But nothing." he patted her head and kept walking, despite her struggles. "C'mon, lets get you some desert...

"Here comes the spoon, now open up~!"

Little Lae'zel regarded him gravely for a long moment...then bit his hand.

"Owwww!" he leaped back and flailed his limb, glowering at the githyanki girl dangling from his arm. "For crying out loud! Every time!"

Astarion laughed at his plight, the cheeky vampire. "I hate to say I told you so, buuuut...

"Its not funny, you rat bastard! Help me out here!"

"Well, unless you want me to bite her-

"ASTARION!

The laughter redoubled.

EDIT: Hope these made you smile~! May you have a great day and lots of luck! Peace~!

k

EDIT: Hey, you made it! Thanks for reading!