It had been about two moons since Breezepelt had helped Hollyleaf save the ThunderClan apprentices from the tunnels, and in that time, their daily routine had changed significantly.
Firstly, and most significantly, Hollyleaf's personality had undergone a slight but noteworthy shift. Even though she was a murderer and a runaway, she had still always seemed to maintain an unshakeable reverence for the warrior code and StarClan, even if she would likely have outwardly denied it if he had asked her. But now, the news that she was not actually a part of the StarClan prophecy she had believed herself to be a part of seemed to have shaken that faith. This manifested itself in little ways- she no longer thanked StarClan when she caught a good piece of prey, for example.
In the first few days after getting the news, she had barely spoken to him- she seemed to be lost in her own head most of the time. She had also spent every night in the ice-cold forest, turning him down when he offered to stay out there with her. Not that he wanted to spend the night freezing to death, but it had felt rude not to offer.
After that, she had apparently come to her senses and started sleeping in their makeshift camp again, but every two or three days, she would say she needed to "check on things" in the forest and disappear for most of the day. What she was possibly checking on, he had had no idea, but she had made it clear she needed to be alone. He suspected she was still keeping some secrets from him, but he didn't know what he could do to make her give them up.
Breezepelt had never used to mind solitude, but after so many moons of Hollyleaf's company, he found himself missing her more than he cared to admit when she was gone. He had gotten so bored that he had even started spending time with Fallen Leaves, the cat with even more secrets than Hollyleaf.
Fallen Leaves had infuriated him at first, partly because he was so secretive and partly because he was just so… much. In the early days of being in the tunnels he would just show up and drag him and Hollyleaf away from what they were doing to excitedly show them some boring thing they had already seen. Other than the ledges, Breezepelt had thought just about every moment they spent with Fallen Leaves was wasted time.
But now, the strange cat was starting to grow on him. His relentless excitement was endearing, in a way. He reminded Breezepelt a bit of his Clanmate Sunstrike. She also always seemed to have such a genuine enthusiasm for whatever it was she was doing. Heathertail had joked once that Sunstrike could make clearing out soiled bedding sound fun. She had irritated Breezepelt too, as most cats had, but… he missed her a bit, now.
He missed all of them.
But he had new companions now. Fallen Leaves knew the tunnels extremely well- even better than Hollyleaf. Which made sense, because he had been down here for a frustratingly vague "long time". Unlike Breezepelt, he knew every twist and turn in the entire tunnel system.
"How do you have the memory for that?" Breezepelt had asked him once. "You and Hollyleaf make it seem so effortless. I've been down here for moons now, and I still never know where I am."
"It's not effortless!" Fallen Leaves had meowed. "Well, maybe it is for Hollyleaf, but it wasn't for me. It took me a long time to memorize the layout down here. But I can show you my memory tricks if you want," he offered.
How long is a long time? Breezepelt had wondered again. But he had taken him up on his offer, and he was starting to make real progress at learning the tunnels.
He was still alone sometimes- there were certain days when both of his companions were off taking care of their mysterious businesses. But he was becoming more comfortable with the solitude, and spent his time practicing fishing or pacing the tunnels, trying to commit them to memory.
Today, he was by the underground river working on his fishing technique. He still didn't even really like eating fish, and he certainly didn't need more than one or two of them, but Hollyleaf wasn't there to yell at him for being disrespectful and wasting prey, and he was bored, so he was fishing.
He was worried about Hollyleaf. Three days ago she had come out of the forest covered in blood because she had tried to drive off a dog alone. For better or for worse, he had started to really care about her, and the thought of her being killed scared him. Then, he really would be alone. She had promised to be more careful in the future, but he didn't know if she meant it.
At least now he knew where she was going all day- back into ThunderClan territory to spy on her Clanmates. He still didn't understand her. She couldn't return to ThunderClan because she thought they would cast her out, but she still loved her Clan so much that she couldn't stand not knowing what was happening with them. She was still looking out for them, even though she knew they wouldn't do the same for her.
Maybe he should have offered to join her on these excursions, but he really had no interest in being caught by a ThunderClan patrol. If ThunderClan found out he was here, it would surely get back to WindClan, and then his mother would come find him down here and he would never know freedom again.
He did wish he had been there to help fight the dog though. He had experience with dogs- when he was an apprentice, a pack of dogs had chased some of his Clanmates by the edge of WindClan territory. Antpelt had barely escaped with his tail intact, and for days the entire Clan had been on edge, fearful the dogs would come back, or worse, attack the camp.
Breezepelt had been sick of everyone's fretting, so he had decided to take matters into his own paws. He had rallied the other apprentices- Harespring, Heathertail, and Sunstrike- and convinced them to come with him to make sure the dogs weren't coming back. They had all been eager to prove themselves valuable to their Clan, so they had all readily agreed, even Harespring, who was less than a moon away from his warrior assessment.
It was funny. When Breezepelt thought back to his time in WindClan, he remembered himself being apart from the other apprentices. He remembered feeling ostracized, like they all wished he wasn't there. But on that day, all of the other apprentices had listened to him and readily followed him on a mission. Other times, they had come to him to ask him to play, or hunt together, or share a piece of prey. He had just assumed they were doing it because Heathertail or their mothers were making them be nice to him, but chasing away the dogs, they had all chosen to follow him on their own. Did his Clanmates not hate him as much as he had always thought they did?
Though of course if they didn't hate me before that, they probably did after, he reminded himself. When the senior warriors had found out about the unsanctioned apprentice mission, they had been furious. Harespring's mentor had threatened to delay his warrior assessment, Sunstrike's had assigned her to clean out the elders' bedding for an entire moon, and his own father, Heathertail's mentor, had given her a scolding with a furious tone usually reserved for Breezepelt himself.
But Breezepelt had gotten the worst of the punishment. First off, his mother had freaked out, just as she did any time he did anything remotely dangerous. She had made him promise never to leave camp again without telling her, a promise which he had swiftly broken. He wasn't a kit anymore- he didn't need her to treat him like one.
He also received all of the anger of the senior warriors. They all knew it had been his idea, and they didn't seem to care that he was just trying to help his Clan. They had all been furious with him for putting his fellow apprentices in danger. Even Onestar had a disapproving look in his eyes every time Breezepelt saw him.
It didn't help that just a few days prior to the dog incident, he had nearly started a fight with a RiverClan patrol because he thought they had been trespassing on WindClan territory. It had been early in the morning and he had barely slept the night before, but that still didn't excuse his error, given that it could have caused a serious conflict between the two Clans.
Between these two incidents, it was no surprise that Onestar sent him off with his father to the mountains as soon as he had the opportunity. Onestar had said the journey would be "good for him", but he was smart enough to know he was just being banished because no one wanted to deal with him anymore.
But as much as he had grumbled about being sent away, he actually quite enjoyed his time in the mountains, though he would never admit it to anyone. The tribe to-bes had looked up to him and respected him, an experience he rarely got to have in WindClan. He had gotten to see so many new terrains, prey, and predators that no other WindClan cats ever got a chance to see, which he of course bragged about when he got back. And maybe, just maybe, he enjoyed hanging out with the ThunderClan apprentices who had come on the journey with him. Hollyleaf and her brothers. He didn't understand how anyone put up with Jayfeather, and even when he and Lionblaze were getting along well enough sharing prey or sneaking off to go hunting, his deep-set hatred of the golden tom was still too strong to really enjoy it. But even then, a part of him had noted that he could probably have gotten along with Hollyleaf, if they had been born in the same Clan.
They had spent the most time together, training to-bes to fight together while Lionblaze went on border patrols and Jayfeather did… whatever Jayfeather did. There were moments in those training sessions where they found themselves joking together, or play-fighting like brother and sister. Little did they know how close that was to the truth.
And now, it turned out he had been right. Hollyleaf wasn't half-bad to hang out with, as irritating as her brothers were. There were certainly worse cats to be stuck with.
"Hey, there you are!" called a voice from behind him, pulling him from his thoughts. He hid a smile. There were worse cats than Fallen Leaves too.
Breezepelt turned, dropping the fish in his mouth back into the river. "Hey!" he called back. "What's going on?"
"I found something interesting," meowed Fallen Leaves earnestly. "Come on, I'll show you. Is Hollyleaf with you today? She should see this too."
Breezepelt shook his head. "Not today," he meowed. "But show me."
He followed Fallen Leaves through the winding tunnels and he almost had a sense of where they were going. While they walked, he wondered what "interesting" thing Fallen Leaves had to show him. This wasn't the first time he had made such an announcement, and the things were rarely actually interesting. But he supposed letting Fallen Leaves show him was better than fishing alone.
Before too long, they rounded a corner to find a dead-end tunnel flooded with light. Breezepelt paused, trying to remember if this had always been here. He didn't think so- there were tunnels with small cracks in the ceiling which let in little bits of light, and there were tunnels that led to the outside, but this tunnel ended in a pile of loose rock and had a gaping hole in the ceiling.
"It just appeared in the last couple of days," Fallen Leaves explained. "There actually used to be an exit around here, before you and Hollyleaf were here, but it closed up. Now this one is here instead. There must have been a cave-in."
"Where does it lead?" asked Breezepelt, trying to construct a mental map of where they were.
"Right into ThunderClan territory," meowed Fallen Leaves. Breezepelt nodded, and then sniffed the air. There was a distinct scent of ThunderClan, but it was too strong to just be coming from the surface. No, ThunderClan cats had been down here, in the tunnels.
He closed his eyes to allow himself to better focus on the scent and sniffed again. The smell of several cats was present. He recognized one of the scents as that of Dovepaw, the irritating apprentice he and Hollyleaf had helped save. One of the scents was unfamiliar, but carried with it a strong fear-scent. But over the top of both of those were two scents that gave him pause. Right here, in the tunnels were the undeniable, recent scents of Lionblaze and Jayfeather. Both of Hollyleaf's littermates had been here, in the tunnels.
Were they looking for her? Had Ivypaw and Dovepaw reported back to their Clan about the strange cats they had met, which somehow allowed them to figure out Hollyleaf must be one of them?
What would Hollyleaf do if she found out they had been here? Would she want to find them, to go back with them? Would she leave me alone?
But of course, that was foolish. Hollyleaf had had many opportunities to go back to ThunderClan and her littermates, and she had never taken them. More likely, the knowledge would just frighten her. She still believed her Clan hated her- if she knew her Clanmates had been in her sanctuary, it would cause her nothing but distress.
"Maybe we should just keep this between us, Fallen Leaves," he murmured. I'm doing this for her benefit, he argued to himself.
Fallen Leaves blinked. "What, you mean keep it a secret from Hollyleaf? Wouldn't she want to know?" he meowed.
"She would be stressed out by the fact that it leads to her Clan," explained Breezepelt. "Believe me, she's better off not knowing."
Fallen Leaves still looked doubtful, but he nodded. Fallen Leaves was so lonely, Breezepelt figured he wouldn't tell her if it would risk upsetting the one cat who actually spent time with him.
"Come on!" meowed Breezepelt, trying to distract his companion. "I want you to show me the way to the medicine patch again." Fallen Leaves brightened, always happy to have something to teach, and the two cats set off back the way they had come.
A little while later, the discovery was almost forgotten as the two cats had fallen back into their usual rhythm.
"Right, can you find the way to the boulder-spot from here?" asked Fallen Leaves. Breezepelt was pretty sure he could, but after walking in the same circle three times, he was starting to believe otherwise.
"Heathertail used to say I could get lost in my own den," he muttered, frustrated. Fallen Leaves laughed, and then seemed to hesitate for a moment before speaking.
"Was Heathertail your mate?" he asked. "I mean, you talk about her a lot. But I can't quite tell. Were you mates?"
Breezepelt sighed, caught off guard by the question and not quite sure how to answer. At one time, it had seemed like the two of them were going to become mates. They had never really talked about it, but after Heathertail's… infatuation with Lionblaze had ended, they had become close in a way they hadn't been before. Heathertail had started to act differently around him, pressing her pelt against his even when they didn't need to be that close and giving him more attention than she had before.
Breezepelt didn't quite know what had brought on the change, but he had certainly had no issue with it. Heathertail was the most charismatic cat in the Clan. The fact that she had chosen him to have that kind of relationship with made him feel like the sun was choosing to shine specifically on him.
And plus, it didn't hurt that every time he was at a Gathering and he wrapped his tail around hers or made her laugh, he would catch Lionblaze glaring at them with undisguised rage and envy. Knowing the she-cat his rival had wanted so badly was with him made him feel vindictively happy.
But did he love her? He didn't know. She was his best friend. She was kind to him in a way few other cats ever had been. She was, objectively, basically a perfect mate. But did he want her to be his mate, or just want her attention? He couldn't quite tell.
Either way, it didn't matter now. Even if they would have become mates had he stayed in WindClan, they certainly never would now. She was in the past, just like all his other Clanmates.
"She was my best friend," he meowed, finally answering Fallen Leaves. "Neither of us was really ready to be anyone's mate yet." Fallen Leaves nodded. Apparently that was an acceptable answer.
Breezepelt hesitated for a moment, choosing his next words carefully before asking, "What about you? Did you ever have a special she-cat in your life?" He knew this was a risky question. Fallen Leaves didn't like to talk about his past, and would sometimes literally run away if Breezepelt asked him a question he didn't want to answer. But this seemed like as good of a transition as any, and he was so curious to know anything about the former life of his strange companion.
Plus, even if he ran away, at least that would mean he wouldn't ask any more questions about Heathertail.
Fallen Leaves looked panicked, like he usually did when Breezepelt tried to ask him questions about his life. But unlike those past times, he paused, took a few breaths, and actually answered.
"There was this one she-cat, Half Moon. She had the most beautiful, bright pelt I've ever seen, and she was so brave. And so smart!" he meowed. His eyes lit up as he spoke, like just thinking of this cat had brought infinite beauty to his mind. Have I ever felt that way about Heathertail? "She was always looking out for the Clan, and she always knew the right thing to do to solve any problem. She was just… well, she was perfect," Fallen Leaves went on.
Breezepelt smiled. "She sounds pretty great," he meowed.
"She was," agreed Fallen Leaves. "But it doesn't matter. She never even really saw me- she only had eyes for Jay's Wing. She would never have taken someone like me as a mate."
"Hey, I'm sure you're ten times the cat Jay's Wing is," Breezepelt argued. Of course, he didn't know anything about Jay's Wing, but he was choosing to picture him looking and acting like Jayfeather. When he thought of his friend's rival that way, he seemed so pathetic he was sure Fallen Leaves was the better cat.
Fallen Leaves smiled. "Thanks, Breezepelt," he meowed.
Breezepelt wondered again how long Fallen Leaves had been down here. He was speaking about Half Moon in the past tense, as if she had been gone for a long time. And it had become increasingly clear Fallen Leaves had been down here for a long time, likely even a time beyond the lifespan of a normal cat.
Breezepelt had a theory about what Fallen Leaves really was. He had been building it for a while, ever since the lie he had told the ThunderClan apprentices about Hollyleaf's and his identities. It seemed absurd, but… there was really no explanation for Fallen Leaves that wasn't absurd.
He hadn't asked Fallen Leaves about his theory yet, because he figured there was no way he would actually answer, but today had been a big breakthrough for his friend's willingness to actually talk about his past. There had never been a better time to try.
"Fallen Leaves," he began carefully. "Can I ask you something?"
Fallen Leaves tensed, but nodded.
As he opened his mouth to ask, Breezepelt felt foolish even saying the words. "Are you… dead?" he asked.
Fallen Leaves was silent for a long time, but at least he wasn't running away. Breezepelt knew he had to be patient, and wait for the other cat to decide he was ready to answer. Finally, an eternity later, he replied.
"Yes," he meowed in barely more than a whisper. "I died down here when the tunnels flooded… too many moons ago to count. I had heard cats are supposed to go and be with their ancestors when they die, but for some reason… I never did. No cat ever came for me, and I didn't know how to find them myself. So I've been here ever since. I've seen countless cats come and go, staying down here for just long enough for me to help them find their way out and then leaving forever. You and Hollyleaf are the first cats to ever stay."
Breezepelt knew he had been the one to ask, but he was still shocked he had been right. Fallen Leaves was dead, and he had been down here long enough to meet and be abandoned by "countless" cats. The poor guy.
"I'm so sorry you've had to go through that," he meowed softly. What else could he say to a confession like that? Fallen Leaves' fate was unthinkably horrific. Being condemned to wander forever, never seeing anyone he knew ever again and having every cat he ever met leave him… Breezepelt didn't know how he was even still functioning.
Fallen Leaves shrugged. "Well, it's not like it's your fault. You don't have to apologize," he meowed, as if trying to lighten the mood.
Breezepelt did have one more question. "Where do you go when you're not here?" he meowed. He had assumed Fallen Leaves spent the rest of his time in StarClan, or wherever cats like him went when they died. But he had said he was unable to find his ancestors. So where was he?
"I'm still… here," Fallen Leaves meowed slowly. "Sort of. It takes all of my strength to manifest and appear to you physically, so I can only really do it every couple of days. The rest of the time, it's like… my mind is still here in the tunnels, and I can move around, but my body isn't here. I'm just, like, an idea."
"So can you always see me?" he asked curiously. "Even when I can't see you?"
"Well, yes," he meowed guiltily. "I mean, I try not to spy! Like if you and Hollyleaf are having a private conversation I'll go somewhere else! But most of the time… I just get so lonely. Most of the time, I am nearby."
Every detail Fallen Leaves told him was sadder than the last, and he almost regretted asking. He spent most of his time unable to interact with the cats around him, even when he could see and hear them and understand what he was missing. Breezepelt didn't think there had ever existed a lonelier cat.
"Well, you're always welcome to hang out with me," he offered. "Even when you're just like, an idea or whatever."
Fallen Leaves smiled, a real genuine smile. "Thank you, Breezepelt. That means a lot," he meowed. "I think you're the truest friend I've ever had."
Breezepelt couldn't help but puff up a bit with pride. No cat had ever described him as a good friend before. To be fair, he had never been a good friend before. "And you're mine," he replied, and surprisingly, he found that he meant it. Fallen Leaves might just be the closest friend he had ever had. With the exception of Hollyleaf, of course, but she was his sister, so it didn't count. Fallen Leaves was the closest non-blood-related friend he had ever had because for the first time, he didn't feel like he had anything to prove to him. Heathertail had been his friend, but he had always felt like he had to demonstrate his worth to her or she would decide she was better off with her other friends. But with Fallen Leaves, he didn't have to be anything but himself.
Breezepelt might have fewer companions than he had had in WindClan, but he had never been less alone.