Authors note : this chapter is a little shorter than I'd have liked it to be but it is more of a filler so that we get an insight into the changes happening within Bella and also of how Irena is feeling before the plot moves forward a little. Next chapter we will see a lot more Bella/Denali interactions, their bonds growing a little and our Bella will be showing of some of that backbone we all know she has hidden within her as she begins to truly heal for the first time. Thank you all again for all the support and love you continue to show me. You guys are amazing and I truly appreciate you. Updates will continue to be a little sporadic though while I try sort my life out but fingers crossed I can find some peace. I'm hoping to update a few of my other fics in the next few days so keep your eyes peeled. All my love – Nell xoxo
~ Irena's POV ~
Watching Isabella as she drifted off into a peaceful sleep at long last I could feel my heart pang with sadness. To know exactly what it was my little mate had gone through at the hands of the Cullens infuriated me just as much as it devastated me. How they could call themselves our cousins and lie to us so gravely I do not know.
When they had come to us from forks they told us it was to get away from Edwards mate who had asked them to leave, claiming that the human had decided they were too dangerous and did not wish for any more to do with them. They all had seemed rather devastated by the whole affair and if it wasn't for our close ties we would have gone to Forks to turn or kill the girl regardless of the humans wishes. Such was the reality of knowing about our world. The cullens knew that and it was only Carlisle's pleading that we not interfere, that he would find a way of taking care of it all that had stayed our coven leaders hand. Tanya had been loath to agree to take no action. Now I know she is kicking herself for the understanding she showed them.
I myself was furious at our inaction. If we had gone to Forks like we had wanted too then I would have discovered Isabella sooner, I would have been able to protect her, help her heal and keep her safe from harm. Knowing the utter devastation she had experienced makes me feel as if I failed her. My dear sweet innocent little mate. She had been through hell at the hands of the Cullens and then left to defend herself and her father against a vengeful vampire.
Her fear, her constant need to run from us all made perfect sense now and I cursed myself for my own stubbornness. If I had just taken a moment longer to pause and ask the right questions weeks ago she may not have felt the need to run so hard.
"I want to kill them" I whisper, too low for a human to hear despite the fact that my mate is currently asleep.
"As do I, to know this is why they did not want us to interfere months ago makes me sick, how much did they know about Edwards break up? How much was an act?" Kate hissed back and as I looked at my sister I could see the fury dancing in her eyes, matching my own. The Cullen's better hope we never catch up with them.
"Regardless of how much they knew or didn't know we should have acted when we first had the incline too. That is on us for believing them and trusting them. We must do better by Isabella" Tanya's voice is firm and commanding as she speaks and as much as I know she is attempting to conceal her own anger, I know her far too well not to see the tell tale signs that our coven leader is beyond furious with herself and our 'cousins'.
"We will do better" Carmen adds, sounding beyond sure and it brings a small strained smile to my lips, glad that Carmen feels so strongly for my mate. It is times like this that I appreciate the strength of our covens bonds the most. Tanya's gentle command, Carmen's reasoning, Kate's ferocity and Eleazer's quiet reassurance are the only thing keeping me from slipping fully into my anger.
"Come let us take our leave, Irena right now she needs you to be strong for her more than ever. You will take first watch, we will come back in the morning to finish talking with her" Tanya instructs us, standing from her place on the bed, Kate, Carmen and Eleazer following suit as they make towards the window.
"Of course, I'll be a minute, I would like to leave her a note so that when she wakes she does not fear we have all abandoned her" I reply quietly, letting my gaze rest on my young mates face, looking even younger than usual in her peaceful slumber. Tanya nods before they all leap from the window and set of towards home. Giving me a moment alone with my mate to collect myself.
It would be so easy to allow my anger to take over, even now I can feel my beast pacing. Demanding retribution and justice for Isabella. Beyond furious at how she was betrayed and hurt by our very own cousins. But I know Tanya is right, Isabella needs my strength right now not my anger. She needs me to show her the patience and kindness that will help her heal and I must ensure that is what she receives from me. Regardless of how angered I am or how much I must battle with myself to keep my instincts in check. The urge to claim her is almost overwhelming, especially knowing she does not trust or believe in the bond we share but she deserves better than my possessive jealousy. She deserves time to heal, time to understand that we will not abandon her and time for her mind to catch up and be comfortable with the bonds her body already recognises to some extent without pressure or having to fend of a possessive vampire.
I only pray that I am strong enough to keep myself in check while helping my Isabella heal.
Standing carefully I tuck my mate into her bed properly, ensuring the covers are pulled around her securely. It pains me to leave her, now that I've held her once I never want to let go but I know I must, she deserves better than to have me intrude on her privacy by staying with her throughout the night. I place a gentle kiss on her head before I stand, looking around for a pen and paper so that I can leave her a note.
~ Bella's POV ~
Waking up alone in my room I can almost pretend that last night was nothing but a dream. Though the lingering scent of Irena that clings to my bedsheets tell me that it was no such thing. I feel oddly calm now that the Denali's are no longer in the dark about my knowledge or the events leading to me turning up here with my father. Its a relief to know I no longer have to hide the reasons I am so fearful of them.
Turning over onto my side as my eyes adjust to the light pouring into my room from the opened curtain brings me face to face with what I can only assume is a letter lying on my pillow. Sitting up I unfold it and let myself take in the elegant script scrawled across the page.
~~~~
My Isabella,We have left to give you your space for the evening. You fell asleep in my arms and looked far too peaceful that I could not find it in myself to wake you nor could the rest of our coven. We will be back in the morning to finish our discussion. After the revelations you placed upon us this evening we are all going to hunt and take a little time to calm our anger. Knowing that you have been hurt so badly does not sit well with any of us. Tanya is furious. Kate and I want retribution and Carmen and Eleazer are hurt that the Cullens could lie to us or harm you because as much as you do not believe us, and we fully understand why now, you are a part of this coven and we love you. We will not abandon you. Ever. We meant every word of our promises to you. You belong with us and I will continue to remind you of such a fact for as long as we both shall live.I am taking the first watch over you and your father tonight to ensure there is not a repeat of any unknown vampires gaining access to your home. We will discuss protections with you when we see you.I also offer you my apologies in this note for my slip last night, I know you understand vampires a little more than the average human but what you may not know is that we are highly possessive creatures, hearing that you do not believe that you are mine as I am yours triggered my possessive instincts and I know you did not know what to think of my behaviour so I apologies for making you uncomfortable. I will do my very best in future to keep myself in check for you mean far too much to me Isabella for me to lose you.Please stay safe, we will be by in the morning.All my love - Irena x
~~~~~~~ Reading her words made me realise just how different this coven truly were from the Cullens. Having them leave my room to respect my privacy and personal space sent a warmth through me that was a little foreign to me. If it had been the Cullen's I know it would have been a fight to get then to leave my room, Edward wouldn't have respected my privacy no matter what I had said, he had already admitted to breaking into my room before we were even together so knowing that the Denali's intended to respect those boundaries took another worry from my shoulders.
Yet despite this it did not erase the fear I held of being hurt again if I were to let them into my life completely. Despite their promises and despite how content I had felt in Irena's arms with Carmen hovering near by or Tanya's palm on my back I am hesitant to trust them completely. I barely survived the Cullen's, I know if I let the Denali's in and they left me I wouldn't survive the pain. They already, as much as I was loathe to admit it, meant far too much to me and I knew I'd be seeing a lot more of them now Victoria is hanging around.
For the first time since the Cullen's left I can feel the first signs of anger building up within me for their betrayal. For so long all I felt was numbness or overbearing pain, it's a relief to finally feel some other emotion about them. Some emotion that isn't solely fuelled by my own sense of worthlessness and inadequacy. I want to cling to that anger, to the injustice of the whole situation because in all honesty it is their fault my father and I are now in danger, that the Denali's are now in danger. If they had not have left Victoria to her own devices after killing her mate, she would not be here now trying to get to me.
Getting out of bed I gather my things for a shower as I continue to let my mind think through all I have experienced because of them. All the harm and pain their involvement in my life had brought me. From Victoria's mate trying to kill me, to my horrid eighteenth birthday were Jasper and Edward almost lost control, to the utter devastation I had felt when he abandoned me in the middle of the woods and for the first time I feel as if I can see it all for what it was. An egotistical boy playing around in the life of someone he wanted to manipulate, casting me aside when I no longer fit his purposes. I had been a fool. It had never been about me. It had been about him all along, I had just been collateral.
And as I head down stairs having got myself ready to face the Denali's again I know one thing for certain, never again will I fall to the whims of an egotistical child or his family, if I am to let the Denali's into my life it'll be on my own terms because never again will I let the approval of someone else be the basis of my own self worth like it had been with the Cullen's. The Denali's would have to prove themselves because never again could I let myself be destroyed so utterly, I needed to heal myself, for both Charlie and my own sake and maybe just maybe the Denali's could be a part of that too.