Shades Of Self Chapter 27

Well, here we are. This is the big one. This chapter will be getting really dark. I have put warnings below, and I will be putting a brief summary at the end of the chapter if anyone wants to read this story but would prefer to skip this particular chapter. I will not blame you.

Otherwise, please enjoy this story's final flashback chapter.

It's been a long road getting here. Thanks for sticking with me all this time.

Warnings:

Emotional/Mental manipulation

Ben being treated like a pet

Some gore

Forced torture

Loss of control

Major character death

Trauma

"Nightmares, waking and hallucinations. All are one in this new dimension we find ourselves in."

Travels through the Null Void by Grastus Vox

Four Years Ago

There was something different about Vilgax today. Ben watched his master warily as they walked through the stone corridors. The alien's tentacles were tense with some kind of anticipation. Maybe he was waiting for some news about the planets he was scouting, or maybe he had learned something exciting at the gathering yesterday. It really could be almost anything, for though Ben spent a great deal of time with Vilgax, he still felt that he knew very little about the alien.

He had mostly gotten used to not being allowed to go anywhere alone. The only walks he took on his own were to and from Vilgax's room at night. He was pretty comfortable with the territory in that area of the huge stone building, but he actually felt more comfortable with the warlord when he ventured into the rest of it.

They arrived at the training arena and Ben waited as Vilgax opened the door. The arena was relatively bare, indicating that Ben would be fighting today instead of running a course. He entered and glanced at the big stone doors, wondering what his opponents would be.

"Morph," Vilgax ordered, and Ben complied willingly. He changed into Wildvine to start with. It was a versatile form with lots of maneuverability, which was good for facing an unknown enemy. His hearing organs fluttered at the sound of gears. Only one door seemed to be opening; the one in the very center, and Ben focused his attention there, slipping into a ready stance without thinking about it. The door opened all the way, a large figure stalking confidently through it, and Ben froze, his mind refusing to comprehend what he saw.

"It's about time, creepazoid!"

The familiar voice was like being dowsed with ice water. It didn't mesh with the reality of what his life had become. Ben found his gaze shooting to Vilgax, hoping for an explanation. His master was merely standing there, as though this was all perfectly normal. Ben's eyes snapped back to Kevin again, as the mutated teen took another few steps forward.

"What's the matter, Benny?" he asked when he received no answer, and Ben felt himself tense at that condescending tone. "Not expecting me?"

"No, I wasn't." Ben's voice sounded flat and odd to his own ears. After so long speaking only to Vilgax, and not all that much even to him, he found himself unable to engage with Keven's taunting. His tongue felt clumsy and slow, mind still trying to process everything. "What are you doing here?" he managed. That was what he really wanted to know, after all.

"What do you think?" Kevin snapped. "That freakshow over there captured me. I would've escaped eventually, but turns out he'll let me go if I take you out for him. Pretty good deal, right?" He smirked at Ben; lopsided face smug.

Ben felt his hands clenching involuntarily. A few things were suddenly abundantly clear to him. He didn't know how Vilgax had found out about him and Kevin, but it was clear the alien was testing him, probably seeing whether Ben would be willing to fight a human; well, as human as Kevin was anyway. They were already enemies, after all. Ben grimaced, but kept his eyes on Kevin.

Unfortunately, realizing what was going on probably didn't change anything. It wasn't like he'd get a choice. Kevin, at any rate, might be able to escape. He opened his mouth to try, regardless of how slim the chance was that Kevin would listen to him.

"Kevin, this isn't what you think," he started. Then that familiar, grating voice cut him off, as though Vilgax was growing impatient.

"Fight."

Ben's teeth ground together. It was an order, not a command, and theoretically he could have disobeyed, but he'd only be delaying the inevitable. Besides, Kevin was already moving forward, diamond chunks and fire spraying in Ben's direction. Ben shifted in response, sidestepping as XLR8, then flying upward, countering Kevin's fire with a breath of ice from Big Chill. He only had a moment before Kevin launched ungracefully into the air to join him, Stinkfly's wings buzzing as he neared.

The fight felt strange, almost surreal, as though Ben was trapped in a dream. It was bizarre to be fighting against Kevin again, when the last time he'd seen him had been before his capture. He'd been a different person back then, and he felt like two parts of his life were colliding. Kevin was as angry and reckless in his fighting as Ben remembered, but he seemed slower and clumsier, and Ben found himself dodging and countering most of his sloppy attacks with ease, whereas Kevin had taken several heavy hits already.

It came to him as he closed with the teen, blocking his attacks and then delivering a solid punch with a diamond fist. It wasn't that Kevin had gotten slower, but that Ben himself was much faster now, both because he could change at will into any of his aliens, and from all of the training Vilgax had had him doing. He was much more precise with his attacks now, and knew just how to change to take advantage of Kevin's charges. Ben knew he'd been improving, but he hadn't noticed how much until now, when he had someone familiar to compare with. It was strange; they'd always been pretty evenly matched, with Ben winning fights through ingenuity rather than raw power. Now, he was completely outclassing his opponent. It was slightly exhilarating, but very strange, not helped by the fact that Vilgax had arranged this fight.

Kevin was getting frustrated the longer they fought, as he failed to land more than a few glancing blows, and was forced to take many of his own. He had started hurling abuse Ben's way. Normally, Ben would have been responding to at least some of what he said, but he found himself tuning it out. There was too much going on in his own head to worry about Kevin's posturing.

Kevin went down once again, hard, Wildvine's creepers wrapped around his legs. He seemed to be slowing, running out of stamina, and had cut off the insults for the most part, as though saving his breath. Ben figured he could end this, at least temporarily, by disorienting Kevin with some of his explosives, then binding him more completely. He was bracing for another punch when he froze at an order from behind him.

"Kill him."

Please no.

His heart must have skipped a beat. The creepers unwound and Ben jumped backward, giving Kevin space to rise. Ben circled, vines twitching. He had to keep his eyes on Kevin, who was now advancing again with a scowl, but his attention was not on his opponent. Panic was swirling through him. He felt Vilgax move slightly behind him.

"Kill him!"

The order came again, and now Ben could tell Vilgax was impatient. He felt his stomach lurch. He knew what was coming next. He dodged a blob of goo, a punch and a kick, though they came dangerously close to him in his distracted state. His mind was racing, trying to find some way out of this. Delaying wouldn't do any good. He knew that. Any minute now Vilgax would get tired of waiting and command him, and then…

He shook himself mentally, trying vainly to keep the picture from forming in his mind. His heart was racing and he felt lightheaded. He almost whimpered at the distress mounting through him. His only chance was to somehow convince Vilgax not to make him do this. It had never worked, but it was the only option he had. It didn't matter that he would be begging in front of Kevin. He didn't have time to feel ashamed of it. His mouth was dry.

"Master," he started, "please don't…"

"Break his leg." The command snapped out and Ben's body darted forward, even as his mind screamed in new horror. He ducked under Kevin's guard, shifting into Fourarms, and sized Kevin's left leg as it rounded for a kick. The snap was sudden and deafening. Kevin's scream was horrible. It seemed to cut right through him. Ben's vision blurred and he thought he might faint. His heart froze again at the voice from behind him.

"Kill him," Vilgax ordered again.

Kevin was trying to stand, spitting curse words, hands bracing his broken leg. It had been snapped at the knee, listing sideways, and Ben would have been sick at the sight of it if the fresh horror of Vilgax's order hadn't paralyzed him. Pure desperation prompted him to find his voice again.

"I can't," he grated out. "Please!"

"Break his arm."

Ben wanted to close his eyes, but his body wouldn't even let him do that. He bit his tongue to keep from screaming when he felt the jar of the bone breaking. He didn't deserve to scream. Blood pooled in his mouth and pounded in his ears. Kevin screamed again; a cross between a shriek and a grunt as though the air was being forced out of him, a muted, ugly sound.

"Kill him!" One more time.

Ben found himself looking into Kevin's eyes. The teenager didn't look angry or smug any more. He was frightened, mouth open in a gape of pain as he pulled himself backwards. Ben wanted to apologize, to try to explain why he was doing this, but he had no words for Kevin, only for his master behind him.

"No…" he choked out, barely a whimper, but he knew Vilgax had heard him. The anger from behind him was practically tangible.

Then finally, the command.

"Kill him!" It was almost a relief.

Kevin started to open his mouth, perhaps to say something, but Ben never heard it. The snap of his neck seemed quiet compared to everything that came before. Ben felt it more than heard it; a jolt through his hands and up his arms. As soon as the command wore off, Ben's hands unclasped and Kevin feel to the floor, head lolling to the side. Ben was shaking, but he didn't notice. He shrank back into human form, but his hands still tingled with the feeling. They should be covered with blood. Why weren't they?

His awareness veered back to his master as the alien moved behind him and he turned stiffly.

Vilgax was radiating fury. He turned suddenly, without a word, and started towards the door. Ben stumbled after him, drowning in horror, but knowing only that he couldn't stay where he was. He made it only two steps before the warlord turned sharply to him again.

"Stay!" Vilgax commanded in a snarl, and Ben's feet clove abruptly to the floor. Ben had been tongue tied, but when the warlord turned away from him and started towards the door once again, he felt panic rush through him like a flood.

"Wait, please!" he begged. It didn't matter that Vilgax heard the shaking in his voice, only that he stopped.

"Well?" The warlord's voice was so cold it threatened to snap. Ben quailed at the tone, then rallied as much as he could.

"Please," Ben said again, trying to force his voice to steady, ignoring the metallic taste in his mouth and his pounding head. "I'm sorry, Master. I just couldn't..." He trailed off miserably. Vilgax started down at him, eyes two burning coals.

"You did," he corrected in that harsh, cold voice. His tentacles hung stiffly, just the tips twitching the way they did when he was truly angry. "And you will again, and again as many times as I order. You will obey me." He turned away once more and swept out of the arena, the door sliding shut behind him.

Ben stood where he was.

He had no choice.

His back was to the corpse on the floor, but he could see it if he turned his body slightly, so he did. Kevin's face was hidden from this angle, but Ben could see the unnatural way his limbs were lying, the dead look of his heatblast arm with the fire gone out. He wanted to look away, but he didn't deserve to. He'd done everything he could, but in the end, Kevin was still dead.

Vilgax was right. Commanded or not, he did this, and when his master told him to, he'd do it again, and again, and again. And now he knew, it would happen again. Vilgax didn't just want a pet, he wanted an attack dog, and whether Ben tried to resist it or not, that's what he would become.

There was no escape.

Kevin's screams filled his mind again, ugly, hurting, surprised. Those screams were because of him, because he hadn't obeyed Vilgax's order. It hadn't mattered in the end. All his resistance had done was cause Kevin more pain. The end was the same and he knew it always would be. Ben wanted to scream as Kevin had screamed, for all of the same reasons, but he couldn't make a sound. He felt like his heart was choking him. His mouth still tasted like the blood that should be on his hands, and he could feel it coating his throat.

Abruptly, he lurched over as far as he could, feet still planted firmly on the floor, and threw up. He gagged, bracing his hands on his knees, heaving again and again, long after he'd expelled everything in his stomach. Once he started, his stomach refused to settle. Images of Kevin rose in his mind again every time he thought he was done and he started heaving again. Tears formed in his eyes and ran down his cheeks. They hurt coming out. He gagged out sobs, painful and dry.

Eventually he stopped, though his stomach still turned over unpleasantly, twisting in on itself.

The silence was awful, suffocating and empty. It left too much room for his mind to fill with reproach, with guilt and horror. Every time he looked away from Kevin, he imagined him moving, getting up, dragging his mangled limbs. He would turn back just to make sure it was only in his mind.

It felt like a nightmare, but he knew it wasn't. It was much worse because he was never going to wake up.

He didn't know how long he stood there, but his feet and legs were aching by the time Vilgax came back for him, and he felt empty, inside and out.

Vilgax was still angry, but coldly quiet now. He looked Ben over piercingly before ordering him to follow. Ben almost fell when he was released from the command to stay. His legs felt like wood and weakness filled him. He stumbled after his master into the stone corridors. He didn't look back at Kevin, but the image hovered behind his eyes for a long time afterward.

Vilgax took him back to his room. His window was gone, and strangely that was something that still hurt, even though it shouldn't be important to him right now. So much worse had happened, but he still felt its loss. Vilgax commanded him to stay in his room, then left him alone again.

That was the longest night of Ben's life. His room had never felt so small, so empty, so much like the prison it was. He had nothing to distract himself from his thoughts. He couldn't eat dinner, and he couldn't sleep, and he couldn't leave to visit Vilgax.

He spent a long time in the shower, hot water running over him, leaving his skin too red. He only came out when his tears stopped.

He spent most of the night after that pacing or rocking back and forth on his bed, hands tight around his knees. Repetitive motions seemed to help distract him a little. It was impossible to tell time without his window, and it felt like years before the night was over.

Vilgax must have decided Ben had been punished enough, because he was back to his normal self when he came for him the next morning. Ben got through that day, and the next, and the one after that. About a week later, he fought another human; a man he didn't know. This time when he was ordered to, Ben killed him.

That was the toughest lesson Ben ever had to learn, but he did learn it. Resisting Vilgax didn't help. It only caused more pain and suffering. Whatever principles he used to have weren't worth the cost. It didn't matter how he felt or what he wanted. Only his master's orders mattered. Sometimes it was harder to remember than others as Vilgax set him against more varied opponents, human and alien, but he always obeyed in the end. Kevin was his last failure.

It haunted him for a long time; that scene in the arena. It would poke at him at unexpected times, freeze him in his tracks or slap him across the face. Eventually, it started to fade, only coming back into focus occasionally, along with other painful memories of his family, of earth and of the time when he was free.

But it hurt too much when he let his mind dwell on the things that bothered him, when he cast his mind back towards the home and family he had once had, so he did it less and less, trying to focus on the present and his duties to his master, and eventually he stopped altogether.

And things got better, as Vilgax had promised they would, way back at the beginning of his captivity. Once he stopped fighting Vilgax, life became easier, and much more pleasant.

Vilgax was a fair master and kind to him as long as Ben obeyed, and very gentle with him when they were alone, or when Ben needed comfort. As time went on, he learned to take joy in the little pleasures of his life. He got his window back eventually, and more places he could visit in the big stone structure, and one day, Vilgax finally took him outside.

He wasn't really happy, but he became content with his life. He learned to disassociate himself from the things that bothered him, and his master was always there to comfort him afterward.

He earned his Master's trust eventually, something he was justifiably proud of. It had been years since Vilgax felt the need to command him to do anything. It had been a full year now since the collar had been active. His Master had deactivated it when Ben started going on assassination or spy missions, fearing the restrictions might cause an unforeseen problem for Ben. The collar itself no longer bothered him. He didn't usually even remember he was wearing it. It was a part of him, much as he was a part of his Master. He was bound to Vilgax for the rest of his life.

And that fact was more comforting than Ben had ever imagined.

Chapter Summary

Vilgax takes Ben to the training arena. Kevin enters through the other door and says that Vilgax promised to let him go if he kills Ben. Ben figures out that this must be a test to see if he will fight a human, but is ordered to fight as Kevin attacks him.

They fight, and Ben realizes that much faster and more skilled than before because of all his training and using the master control feature of the omnitrix. Kevin is unable to keep up with him in the fight. Ben also feels strange and uncomfortable, and finds himself tuning out Kevin's taunts.

As Kevin starts to tire, Vilgax orders Ben to kill him. Ben tries to plead with Vilgax not to do this, but Vilgax then commands him to break Kevin's leg, then his arm when Ben refuses to follow the order. Finally, Vilgax commands Ben to kill Kevin and he does. Vilgax is furious that Ben wouldn't obey him and commands him angrily to stay in the room. He leaves him there for several hours before returning and taking Ben back to his room, which no longer has a window, and commands that he remain there.

Ben comes to the conclusion that resisting does nothing except delay and cause more pain and suffering. Vilgax returns the next morning and treats Ben normally. Ben goes back to training and eventually faces more humans as well as sentient aliens. This time he kills them as ordered, though it is sometimes hard for him.

He eventually stops dwelling on Kevin's death and his lost home and family as much and is happier.

Eventually, Vilgax deactivates Ben's collar, no longer needing it to control him, and fearing it might cause problems for him on missions.

Ben is content with his life, if not truly happy.

And the rest is history.

We've now caught up to the present day. I hope you enjoyed the ride, and sorry for the darkness of this chapter.

This part's been inside me for a long time. We have now witnessed Ben's last attempt at resistance. We have only a couple of chapters left. I want to say either one or two more chapters, then an epilogue. We're getting really close now!

I'll probably be updating one of my Wander Over Yonder stories next, so if you'd like something light and fun to read after this, head on over.

See you next time!