The Houses Competition
House: Slytherin
Class: Herbology
Prompt(s) [Character] Sirius Black
Word Count: 747
Beta: Hope, Ash, Dhrish
Author Note: canon-divergent, Sirius is the secret-keeper
Warning: Themes of self-loathing and implied considering allowing oneself to die.
What does it take for a man to hold onto his sanity in Azkaban and is it too late for Sirius Black?
Mad World
Azkaban Prison was a fortress located on a small island in the middle of the North Sea which no map could locate. It served as a prison for the most dangerous of criminals. During the year 1718, it earned its reputation as a horrific and inhumane place, mostly due to the Dementors that infested the island. Because of these cruel and gruesome creatures, most prisoners went insane during their first year and some would slowly die under the Dementors' depressive influence, having lost their will to live. Some prisoners would stop eating. allowing nature to take its course with them, allowing their body to slowly decay over months of starvation, while others would bang their heads against the walls of their cells in order to end their misery.
Sirius Black, a man who was wrongly accused of killing twelve muggles and a man named Peter Pettigrew, sat in one of the top cells of Azkaban, a six-by-eight room with a small boarded-up window looking out at the ocean. The cold sea air sank into his bones as he was forced to live out the rest of his days in hopelessness, forced to grieve the deaths of his friends and godson: the people he was supposed to protect.
The only release he'd gotten was when he would turn into his Animagus form; somehow, the Dementors couldn't see past his shield. The few hours of peace he got from the Dementors probing at his brain and fishing out the good memories was the closest thing Siruirs could get to a good day in this dreadful place.
Sirius Black didn't know how long he had been in Azkaban, what day it was, or even the season. Everything seemed to mold together into one long nightmare. He could no longer keep his thoughts straight, knowing that he was slowly going insane; the only thing that kept him from slipping off the edge into insanity was the burning rage he felt for the man who had put him here: Peter Pettigrew. He should have never trusted the little rat to begin with. He had always felt like there was something off about him; he was like a snake in lion's skin. And Sirius had been right… but it had been too late.
The only thing that kept Sirius going was the hope of someday getting revenge. Perhaps if he was lucky, he would be able to see his godson again even if it were for a minute or two. The one thing the Dementors had yet to take from him was the warmth he had felt when he had first held his godson in his arms, the feeling he got when his godson's little fingers wrapped around his own and held them tightly. Sirius had been able to tell right there that Harry was going to be an amazing Quidditch player with a grip like that.
But there was also a part of Sirius that felt like he didn't deserve to leave Azkaban, that he deserved to spend what little time he had left in this hell. He was the one who had told Peter where Lily and James were hiding out. Sirius should have known better than to tell Peter of the location of the Potters residence. He was the secret keeper and he had been careless with the secret he was supposed to protect. He was the reason that his friends were dead and their son left an orphan, never to know his parents. If it wasn't for him, Lily and James would still be alive and Harry wouldn't have been left alone in this mad world.
Sirius didn't need the Dementors to remind him of his failures. He didn't need the nightmares that haunted him every night to know that he was responsible for what took place that fateful Halloween night.
Sirius was broken, only a shell of a man he once was. There was little left for him. He was betrayed by his friend, Lily and James were dead, and Remus thought he'd betrayed them, that he was a murderer. His godson was ripped away from him. Everything that Sirius had in his life was gone, so when the guard came and slid his meal through the bars of his cell, Sirius didn't go for it. He didn't run up to the food like a starved animal; instead, he sat in the corner of his cell and watched as time passed by.
Sirius Black had given up hope.