I know the revelation about the Reapers destroying the protheans and Liara and Shepard joining minds happens pretty much as soon as you get Liara in the games, but I'm going to switch some of the timing up here for a few reasons. First, I want there to be a bit more pay off in terms of the missions progressing their knowledge of the Reapers. Second, the way it happens in the game, Liara becomes a bit superfluous, and I want to make sure she has a bigger role. Third, Sophia Shepard would have been pretty resistant to joining minds, especially right out of the gate, so we needed to give her time to ease into that. And finally, it just works better narratively this way. Plus, we watch that vision way too many times in the game and I am cutting that way down.

In the first edition, I didn't breathe a word about Shepard and Liara joining minds. Seems like a real oversight in retrospect. In all honesty, at the time, I just didn't have a clear idea of what I would do with it or what it would mean in the larger context of the story. There were also some real question marks in my mind about the uh… let's say scope of the meld and what exactly it entailed. More about that next chapter. But, now, I feel like I have a better understanding of what a meld would be like (at least in my mind), and a better understanding of what effect it would have on each of these characters. And now that I am more comfortable with this aspect of the story, it's time to rectify my omission and weave it into the narrative.

Also, I'll go ahead and admit to a continuity error that became apparent as I reread my Mass Effect stories. In "Never Again" I made reference to Liara knowing about the dreams from the prothean beacon, but in "The Lost Weeks" I stated no one other than Shepard was aware. Whoops. My bad. I suppose that's what happens over the course of five stories. Technically, I could probably explain this away by saying that Shepard confided in Liara about the dreams sometime during Sub Specie Aeternitatis, but that feels like a bit of a cop out when really I just flubbed it. Besides, they really had much more important things to talk about during that time period. Anyway, I will officially establish via this chapter that canonically Liara was aware of the dreams.

Connection

"Things got a bit hectic down there, Commander," Kaidan said as soon as they were gathered in the communications room. "Are you alright?" He eyed her with a worried expression and lifted his hand almost as if to reach out to her, but quickly lowered it again. Shepard's armor was covered in a layer of slime and dirt, and parts of it looked as if it had dissolved from acid. Her normally neatly tied-back hair had started to get loose with tendrils falling around her face and sticking to the muck on her skin. It was the first time Liara had ever seen her look anything less than pristine and she couldn't help but share the lieutenant's worry. And yet, Liara found it peculiar that despite her generally chaotic state, the commander still looked rather pretty.

They were finally heading away from Feros after fighting waves of geth, dodging and incapacitating mind-controlled colonists, and fighting a gigantic plant monster. It was the longest ground mission they had conducted, and it felt like everyone had been involved in one way or another. Liara had assisted in some of the initial work with the colony and the restraining of the colonists when they suddenly went mad, but she hadn't seen the Thorian in person. Now she was eager to hear what had happened when the commander disappeared below ground to face the creature.

"I'm fine," Shepard answered, seemingly unconcerned about the way she looked. "More importantly, I got what the Thorian gave to Saren. It's called the Cipher. Apparently, it's like a collection of prothean knowledge."

"How did you get it?" the lieutenant asked. "Is it a device of some sort?"

"An asari messed with her mind," came the gruff answer from Wrex. The krogan sat with his arms crossed, leaning back in his chair with an expression of mild amusement.

The comment caught Liara off guard at first because she thought he was somehow referring to her. She was about to protest that she hadn't done anything to the commander, but Shepard explained, "We ran into one of Benezia's followers. Well, former follower, I guess. Saren gave her to the Thorian as a slave and made her transfer the Cipher from the Thorian's mind to Saren's mind. She offered to do the same for me."

The two human squad mates looked horrified. "She was an enemy, Commander," Ashley sputtered. "She could have turned you into a vegetable or something." Liara had to restrain herself from rolling her eyes. She knew that the asari ability to meld minds was not widely understood by the other species, but the idea that the commander had been in danger from a mere joining was absurd. It would have been impossible for a follower of Benezia to be an ardat-yakshi, and Liara doubted that the humans even knew what that was.

"I was aware of the risks, Chief," Shepard said dryly. "Obviously, I'm fine. The more pressing issue is that I still don't understand how to make the Cipher work. Supposedly, I have some kind of understanding of the prothean language and culture, but I don't know what good that does us. I didn't get some great epiphany when she gave me it. Maybe it only works in conjunction with the beacon, but that blew up. And it's not like I can replay the visions from the beacon whenever I want."

Everyone was quiet for a moment, and then Liara cautiously spoke up. "Actually, Shepard, there is a way you could see the visions again. If we were to join minds, then I could access those memories for you, and you would be able to see it again. And maybe, with my knowledge of the protheans in addition to the Cipher, we could interpret the visions."

Liara felt her face go hot from the various stares she received around the room. Ashley openly gaped, no doubt still under the misimpression that joining minds could be dangerous. Kaidan looked quickly back and forth between her and Shepard, his expression one of indignation. Garrus tilted his head to the side and fixed her with a sideways glance. As a turian, he likely knew that the joining was harmless, but he also knew that it was a fairly intimate gesture that one would usually only do with someone trusted. Tali's face was unreadable behind her mask. And Wrex looked bored.

The worst part was watching Shepard's face go from surprise to consternation to reluctant acceptance. "I guess if it will let us use this thing we fought so hard for, it's worth a try." Shepard didn't seem especially pleased at the prospect. "But let's try it a bit later. I need to report to the Council, and I'd like to get a meal in and a shower. For now, everyone is dismissed."

~.~.~.~.~

Liara tried to work while she waited for the commander to approach her about joining minds, but she found it hard to concentrate. She wasn't sure why she felt so nervous. The joining wasn't that complicated. Asari learned how to do it at a young age, and it was a useful tool for sharing information or memories. But joining minds with another asari was one thing. Both knew what to expect and there were no misunderstandings to contend with. Joining minds with a non-asari was… daunting. And it was clear that Shepard's agreement had been unenthusiastic at best. Liara didn't like thinking that she was forcing the commander to do something she would rather not do.

But what choice did she have? If the Cipher was knowledge of protheans, then it followed that the reason Saren had wanted it was to better understand the visions from the beacon. Liara's research into the beacons indicated that they were a galaxy wide message system that the protheans had used to share information and store data. Some beacons could be accessed as simple electronic data. Those types had been instrumental in the advancement of civilization and the development of mass effect drive. However, the type of beacon that Shepard had encountered was not unheard of. Those devices transplanted images and other senses straight into the user's mind. From what Liara had read, it sounded somewhat like how asari could share memories, albeit in a much more forceful and one-sided way.

People who had previously encountered similar beacons tended to go mad shortly afterwards. They would describe being overwhelmed by the images and unable to comprehend what they saw. Then they would begin to unravel and complain that they couldn't escape reliving the visions over and over. So far, those types of beacons had been deemed useless and dangerous. Liara was amazed that the commander had endured the experience without losing her mind. She'd read Shepard's report from Eden Prime in which the commander described seeing images of destruction and death. She'd also seen Shepard's speculation that the visions might be about a weapon of mass destruction, although she had not seen the weapon in the visions themselves.

Even though Liara dreaded the thought of an awkward encounter with the commander – she had finally started to feel as if the other woman saw her as a friend – another part of her was eager to see the visions for herself. Shepard had interacted with prothean technology in a way Liara had never dared to dream. She'd avoided the madness that seemed to plague such an interaction, and now that knowledge was within her mind, waiting for closer inspection. It was an opportunity that the scientist in Liara would have killed for just a month ago.

Yet, her thoughts kept going back to Shepard's obvious reluctance when Liara had suggested the joining. A seed of doubt that she could never quite shake blossomed in her mind. Maybe Shepard didn't truly trust her after all. Maybe she'd let Liara get closer to her solely to keep an eye on her in case she turned out to be an agent of Benezia. The logical part of Liara couldn't really blame the commander for being cautious, but another part of her ached at the thought that what she had thought was a genuine connection was, in fact, a façade.

The door opening brought her out of her thoughts, and she saw Shepard slowly enter. The commander had the expression of a child who was nervous about going to the doctor and it was clear she would rather be anywhere else. She had washed and made herself presentable again. Now that the muck was gone, Liara noticed a bruise forming on her lower jaw, a mottled mixture of yellow and black. She also noted scratches all along the commander's forearms which glared a bright red against her skin. Liara realized that Shepard's encounter with the Thorian had probably been more harrowing than she had let on, an outward reminder of how guarded the human could be.

Liara had risen to her feet at Shepard's entrance. As she observed the commander's hunched shoulders, her scowl, and her averted eyes, she felt less confident about her earlier suggestion to join minds. "Shepard, if you do not want to do this, we do not have to," she said quickly.

The other woman looked at her, took a deep breath, and then schooled her face into a more neutral expression. "I'm that obvious, huh?" she asked wryly. "I'm sorry, Liara. I don't mean to make your life more difficult. I know you have the right idea. I just… The last time wasn't exactly a pleasant experience."

That surprised Liara. She had never had a joining be unpleasant. She hadn't known it was possible. Perhaps non-asari were different and it was easy to inadvertently hurt them somehow. The thought sat heavy in Liara's gut. Her lack of experience was coming back to haunt her. She didn't want to accidentally harm Shepard, and the thought that the commander could walk away from their joining thinking that the experience had been extremely distressing was mortifying.

"How was it unpleasant?" she asked.

Shepard sighed. "It felt like she was taking over my mind by force. Like my mind was a book and she could turn to any page she wanted to and start reading. I don't think she did, but I was aware that she could have, and I wouldn't have been able to stop her. And then she just… pushed something into my mind. I don't really know how to explain it. It was like cramming for a big exam but instead of trying to cram over the course of a night, I was trying to do it in the span of a couple seconds. It made me feel..." Shepard trailed off, clearly reluctant to admit it. She took a deep breath and said, "It made me feel helpless. And to me, that's the worse way to feel."

The commander's anxiety certainly made more sense now. Liara felt a bit of relief that Shepard's reluctance seemed to have nothing to do with her specifically, but her gut still felt heavy. "Ah, I see. I should be honest with you, Shepard, that I have not… well, I have never tried this with a non-asari before. I hope it will not be a repeat of that, but… I just do not know what to expect."

Shepard offered her a small, encouraging smile. Liara knew that the smile was entirely for her benefit, as it did not reach the commander's eyes, but it was touching that Shepard was trying to comfort her. "I'm sure it will be fine, Liara. And, besides, it's our best shot at using the Cipher, so we need to try."

Now that the moment was here, Liara felt extremely nervous. Although she didn't know why, the fact that it was Shepard made the whole thing more intimidating. It should have been the opposite. Shepard was by far the person she liked and trusted the most aboard the Normandy. Joining minds was inherently intimate regardless of the purpose. Theoretically, it should have felt more comfortable to join with someone that Liara already felt a connection to, but that didn't seem to be the case. For some reason, the thought of having that type of intimate experience with Shepard made Liara's heart race and her stomach felt like it was tying itself into knots.

She took several deep breaths, trying to calm herself. Stepping towards the commander, Liara offered her hand to the other woman, palm up. Shepard glanced at her hand, and then raised an eyebrow at Liara. "I didn't think we had to be touching," she remarked.

"No," Liara admitted. "But it can be disorienting, and physical touch can help you feel grounded. I thought it might help."

Shepard's expression was hard to read. She seemed to be debating with herself, probably trying to decide if holding Liara's hand in this situation would be violating some type of regulation. Finally, she took the offered hand.

"Close your eyes," Liara instructed. "Take deep breaths and try to empty your mind." She watched Shepard do as she was told. She waited until it seemed like the other woman was calm and centered, and then concentrated on what she needed to do. Opening herself up to the universe, Liara suddenly was aware of the commander's mind as more than just an idea. It was an entity that she could reach out and touch with her own mind. She did so, allowing herself to enter into Shepard's private domain.

Immediately, she felt pushback. Mental walls rose to halt Liara's advance, an automatic defense against the intrusion. Liara had never faced this kind of resistance before. She realized that the other asari must have encountered the same thing, and, not knowing what else to do, had pushed forward anyway. Liara recognized that while Shepard's mental defenses were strong, the commander lacked the experience to maintain them if pushed with any real persistence. But Liara did not want to trespass into Shepard's mind. She halted her advance and gave Shepard's hand a tight squeeze, giving Shepard a chance to rectify the situation.

There was a pause, and then Shepard squeezed her hand back and the mental walls slowly started to recede. Liara waited patiently; she knew it needed to be Shepard's choice to let her in if there was any chance of the human walking away from the meld less distressed. Finally, once she was fully able to enter Shepard's mind, Liara was hit by multiple sensations all at once. The overwhelming sensation was the sudden feeling of closeness. She was a part of Shepard, and Shepard, in turn, was a part of her. It was harder than usual to keep her identity separate in that shared space. It would be so easy to let go and fully submerge their consciousnesses to the point where it would be impossible to tell where one ended and the other began. But that was a different kind of joining, one they had not agreed upon, and the very thought made Liara feel flustered.

But in that moment, she fully understood Shepard. She was a woman who cared deeply about many things: she cared for the people under her command; she cared about protecting people who could not protect themselves; she cared about the Alliance and her identity within it; and she cared about the safety of the galaxy at large. These things consumed her thoughts, but she kept tight rein on her feelings through strict control. She controlled herself and she controlled most of the galaxy around her. There was a deep-seeded fear that loss of control meant losing the things she cared about.

The other sensation that was present, although less pronounced, was Shepard's current anxiety. The commander was keenly aware of the level of access Liara now had to her innermost thoughts. Liara could feel Shepard's fear that the asari would go looking behind the professional mask. Would go digging into memories that the commander preferred to keep locked away. To try to ease those fears, Liara sent across their connection feelings of reassurance and warmth. She attempted to convey that the other woman's trust was not misplaced. In return, she felt some of Shepard's nervousness calm.

Turning to the task at hand, Liara reached for the visions from the prothean beacon. They came immediately, being not far from the surface, and for the first time, Liara saw what Shepard had seen on Eden Prime. She saw people who she understood to be protheans dying in mass, torn apart by beams of light and twisted versions of themselves. She saw countless cities burn or crumble to dust in nuclear hellfire. She heard screams and smelled death. And then she was confronted by a giant, gaping maw that consumed everything. She understood that the image was not literal, but meant to convey the overwhelming power and darkness of something that was incomprehensible. In her thoughts a word formed. She didn't exactly hear it, but felt it imprinted into her mind. Reapers. And after all that horror, there was a brief feeling of a light in the darkness, and the vague outline of a planet.

Then, suddenly, the images ceased, and Liara found herself breathing hard. It felt like the air had been sucked out of her lungs. The visions had been remarkably intense and everything else seemed duller by comparison. As the images faded but the connection to Shepard remained, Liara also understood that this was not the second time Shepard had seen the vision. The level of familiarity and dread from the commander was unmistakable. At first, this was confusing, as Shepard had said that she couldn't review the vision at will. But then Liara noticed the tiredness that permeated Shepard's mind. She'd noticed it as soon as she joined with the commander, but had assumed it was a result of their mission on Feros. Now, Liara realized that she had underestimated the depth of that exhaustion. It pervaded to the core, and reliving the vision had only made its presence more acute.

Liara let their connection fade and returned solely to her own mind. Shepard opened her eyes and blinked rapidly. Liara was relieved to see that she didn't look perturbed or as if she had been in any discomfort. Feeling suddenly lightheaded, Liara released Shepard's hand and collapsed back into her chair.

"Are you ok?" Shepard asked in alarm.

"I am fine," Liara reassured her. "The joining can be taxing for the one maintaining the connection and I was not expecting the vision to be that intense. I just need a minute to collect myself."

Shepard looked around and then grabbed a large box of medical supplies, placed it across from Liara, and sat down. "That was better than the first time. Thanks for being patient with me." She offered a small smile.

Liara smiled back, feeling relieved. She knew that Shepard wouldn't have told her if she had been harmed by the meld, but she sounded sincere about it being an improvement. There was a level of levity to her voice again that had been noticeably absent before. "Thank you for trusting me."

Shepard put her elbows on her knees and leaned forward, her expression pensive. "The vision was definitely a bit different this time around. More organized. It was just a jumbled mess before. But now it felt like…"

"A warning," Liara finished.

"Exactly. And I guess you heard it, or felt it, or whatever that was too. The Reapers."

Liara nodded. "My mother mentioned them in that audio recording with Saren."

"At this point, it seems like the only conclusion is that the Reapers are what destroyed the protheans 50,000 years ago. That's what the warning was about."

"I knew it!" Liara said excitedly, straightening in her seat. When Shepard gave her a questioning look, she explained, "I have been working on a theory for quite some time that something must have destroyed the protheans and then intentionally erased the evidence. It has been my life's work up to this point. No one believed me – they said I was too young and there was not enough evidence. But that was the evidence. The protheans spanned the entire galaxy. They were the dominant species at that time. They built so much, invented so much technology, and yet we know so little about them. It does not make any sense. We should be practically tripping over prothean artifacts, but we are not. It is as if someone came behind after the protheans were gone and started wiping away evidence that they existed."

Shepard nodded her head as she followed along. "And these Reapers must have been the ones that destroyed the evidence then. But what are they? Where did they go? And why the hell would Saren want to find them?"

"That part of the vision certainly was not clear," Liara agreed. "And at the end… I saw a planet, but no details."

"Me too. I have to think that that is what Saren is looking for. The location of that planet. Although we still have no idea what he's hoping to find there." Shepard sighed and raised her lip in a snarl of disgust. "I have to find that bastard before he figures it out. Whatever's there can't be good."

They sat in silence for a while, each contemplating what they had seen and the revelations that followed. Liara could hardly believe that her theory had been proven right. She felt incredibly vindicated after all these years. For a long time, the prevailing theories had been that the protheans had vanished because of a plague or a system wide collapse of society, but Liara had never found those theories persuasive. In both of those scenarios, their buildings and writings and cultural works would have been left behind, unspoiled for the rest of the galaxy to find. But prothean ruins were rare and actual artifacts even rarer. The lack of evidence of a species that had mastered the galaxy was so profound that it had to be intentional. Her colleagues had dismissed her theory because the obvious question was: who? If someone destroyed the protheans, then where were they? Liara never had an answer until now. And even now, she couldn't say what the Reapers were or where they had gone.

Shifting her thoughts back to the present, Liara studied Shepard. She did an excellent job masking her tiredness, but Liara had felt it and knew that it ran deep. She realized that if the visions from the beacon plagued a person when they slept, that was probably why other people had gone mad after being exposed to those types of beacons in the past. Maybe Shepard wasn't out of danger on that front as Liara had assumed.

"Have you told Dr. Chakwas about the visions when you sleep?" she asked.

Shepard started at the question, surprised that Liara knew. "How did you…" she trailed off as she no doubt thought about the joining and answered her own question. "There's no point," she added, looking away. "I doubt medical school covered what to do about prothean beacon visions."

The response just made Liara angry. She had seen Shepard – truly seen her – and she understood that the woman would rather go slowly insane than admit that she didn't have control over the situation. In fact, the lie ran so deep that Shepard probably believed that she could simply ignore the visions indefinitely. Liara wanted to grab her by the shoulders and shake some sense into her.

"It is not weakness to ask for help, Commander," she said angrily, her voice a razor's edge. "It is stupid to assume nothing can be done when you have not even tried. Other people who have touched these types of beacons have lost their minds. That will be you if you pretend like everything is fine."

Shepard straightened in her chair, clearly caught off guard by Liara's tone and words. It had probably been a long time since someone had essentially called her stupid to her face and challenged her judgment so directly. But Liara understood Shepard now in a way she hadn't fully appreciated before. And she cared too much about her to watch her pride destroy her.

Shepard continued to stare at Liara with naked disbelief, but Liara just crossed her arms and sat back in her chair. "If you are waiting for me to apologize for telling you the truth, then you will have to keep waiting," she said stubbornly.

There was a heartbeat of tension as the commander stared with indignation and Liara stared back in defiance. Then, Shepard exhaled sharply and smiled, shaking her head. "Things must be more dire than I thought if you're the one taking me to task. You win. I'll talk to Chakwas about it."

Liara let out her pent-up breath and uncrossed her arms. "Thank you, Shepard."

Shepard stood and stretched slightly. "No, thank you for trying to be a friend to me despite my stubbornness. I know it's one of my less attractive qualities." She shrugged. "But you're right. As much as I hate to admit it, I can't keep ignoring the problem. And I know that you –" Shepard stopped suddenly, biting off whatever she was about to say. She averted her eyes, staring at a spot on the floor instead.

"What?" Liara asked.

To her surprise, Shepard's face appeared to flush a pinker color. Although this was her first time seeing it, Liara realized that the commander was blushing. "I – ah… I'm not sure if I was meant to see this through the meld but I could feel… I don't really know how to describe it. I could feel some of your thoughts and emotions. I'm sorry. I'm not sure how I did it and I didn't mean to pry."

Surprised, Liara couldn't help letting out a soft chuckle of amusement. Over the last few weeks, she had been completely immersed in human culture and customs, constantly learning and adapting to the unfamiliar. But now the situation was reversed, and Shepard had experienced something distinctly asari for the first time. The commander was clearly under the impression that she was not meant to have any access to Liara's mind. The previous meld with the other asari had probably been deliberately one-sided, not to mention forced in order to break through the commander's mental barriers. From Shepard's point of view, being able to access any part of Liara's mind had probably come as a surprise and contradictory to her only other experience. It would have been a completely alien experience for her. But Liara had left her mind open to Shepard during the joining in part to make the experience more comforting but also because she felt that it was fair. If Shepard trusted Liara with her innermost thoughts, then Liara felt that she should do the same.

"No, do not be sorry," Liara reassured her. "It is normal for you to be able to feel those sorts of things during a joining. Although it can be one-sided, generally the connection works both ways. That is why asari typically join minds only with people they trust."

"Oh," Shepard said, sounding relieved. "That actually sounds like a really nice gesture when you put it that way. It wasn't that way the first time, so I just sort of assumed whoever was doing the joining was supposed to be in complete control. I was afraid I'd overstepped somehow." She studied Liara for a bit before adding, "Is it ok to talk about what I felt from you, or is that considered impolite?"

Liara smiled. It was nice to be able to share a bit of her own culture with Shepard, and the commander always proved to be curious and open minded. Liara was also glad that she had been able to change Shepard's mind about the joining after her previous experience. "It is perfectly fine to discuss it with me, but it is considered rude and a breach of trust to discuss it with anyone else without permission."

Shepard nodded. "Makes sense. Well, what I was going to say before is that I was able to tell that your concern for me was genuine, so I know you're coming from a good place. I'm sure you were able to tell that having someone in my head makes me kind of nervous. But if I had to pick someone, well, I'm glad it was you."

Liara felt her face go hot. She found herself suddenly unable to look Shepard in the eyes. She didn't know why the compliment made her feel so anxious, but her stomach had done a flip at Shepard's words and her heart started beating faster. She was glad that they were not still joined and that the commander could not feel her sudden embarrassment. At the same time, Liara couldn't help but notice the small thrill that went through her at Shepard's words.

"I am touched you put your trust in me," she mumbled.

Should she tell Shepard that if she had to pick anyone else on the ship to join with, it would have been her too? Or was that too strange? Another part of her also recalled that temptation she had felt to deepen the connection. She'd never really felt it before and didn't know what it meant. Maybe that was normal when joining with an alien – some deep-seeded biological desire based on diversity. Or maybe it wasn't normal. But Liara was fairly certain she shouldn't mention that part to the commander. Misconceptions about the asari ability to meld minds were limitless, and Liara had no idea what Shepard may have heard or come to believe. On the one hand, Shepard had not seemed surprised that asari had the ability, which suggested she had at least heard about it before, but on the other hand, the commander did not seem to understand any of the particulars.

Luckily, before Liara had to decide whether to say anything else, Shepard said, "I need to report what we figured out to the Alliance and the Council. My gut says this Reaper thing is going to be a real problem. I hate not really even knowing what we're up against." Sighing and shaking her head, Shepard added, "Oh well. I'll stress about that later." She smiled and gave Liara a small wave as she headed for the door. "One thing at a time."