Kaori's Fault
Written for Twelve Shots of Summer: Eleventh Hour - Week 1.
I do not own The World Ends With you, Square Enix does!
- 1970 -
The thing about being the oldest, you didn't know what you signed up for the moment you came out first.
"Kaori, get your elbows off of the table!" cried his mother as the teenager in question scowled. He stiffened as he tapped his foot underneath the table irritably. "And stop moving your feet, for gods sake! You're going to kick your sister!"
"I'm not going to kick her," Kaori grumbled as he pointedly poked at his Katsu with disinterest with his chopsticks. He didn't miss a heartbeat to keep his other arm on the table as he pointedly kept his gaze on his food, though the top of his gaze still allowed for him to see that most of the table was glaring at him. He shouldn't have sat at the end of the table, but it wasn't like he had a choice when his father kept wordlessly beckoning Kaori to the spot at every meal.
It was a chore to eat… another mundane part of his life. But it wasn't like he could do anything about it.
His mother scoffed loudly before the long, dark brown-haired woman continued stodgily, "We have not had a single civil meal as a family since you have gone rotten." Kaori knew if he rolled his eyes, it would tack another tab to the list of things that were wrong with him. "You are not even applying yourself in your studies, and Uta beat you by a large margin on your last exam. Do not think you are alone in being a disgrace, you have made our reputation and family an embarrassment with how you strut about outside the house."
His little sister, Yoko, gave big nods as their mother spoke. "Yeah." The nine-year-old's brown pigtails continued to bounce as her amber-brown eyes parroted their mother's mood. "A big embarrassment."
Oh, so they were doing this today? Kaori immediately slapped down his chopsticks and shifted, frowning deeply as he retorted, "An embarrassment? Really?"
"Don't, Kaori…"
Ignoring his twin brother's whisper, Kaori didn't hesitate to meet the gaze of his mother as he pushed himself up to his feet angrily. "So what if I'm not applying myself? I'm never going to make it big either way."
"If you applied yourself, you would," she answered stiffly as her deep amber gaze hardened.
Kaori's eyes readily mirrored hers. "Not with the way you fan yourself with the Yen you cover my ass with."
Yoko gasped shockingly on Kaori's right and Uta immediately appeared ready to plant his forehead on the table on Kaori's other side with his silent groan. On the other end of the table, their greying-haired father's deep amber eyes stared across in sorrowful disapproval.
As Kaori resumed giving his mother his full attention, she had merely wrinkled her nose with a shake of her head. She promptly gestured downward. "Sit down and do not speak. Your food is getting cold."
"Just so you can adore the sound of your voice?" bit out Kaori more as he shook his head. "You got a funny way of telling me you have always had shitty interior decorating."
The sputter of her breath was all he needed to hear when he slid his hand to the side to scoop up his miso soup, downing it as much as he could swallow in an instant. Afterward, he flipped it upside down when he slammed it against the table, much to his brother's horror as his eyes flashed back at Kaori.
Despite it not being enough, he made a point to pick up his Katsu bowl and chopsticks as he heard her volume rise. "Kaori Okazaki, you have one second to apologise for your abysmal behaviour!" He didn't obey her. He simply went around the corner, pretending he didn't see the way his little sister was trying to hold back her snickers as he felt his ire rise. "You better not be throwing out the meal I made for our family!"
What family? He certainly wasn't one of hers by any definition.
Just as he reached the cupboards to pull out the plastic wrap, he heard his mother growl in a low voice from behind him, "I am sorry your brother is ruining our appetite."
"It's always his fault," his sister chimed as her annoying voice rose. He only paused when she choked out, "Kaori hit my heels when he walked past, Mom."
Kaori's jaw tightened. Not again. He sped up his efforts to package his food before depositing it in the fridge, swinging back to stomp off as he focused on not looking at anyone.
By the time he entered the hallway, he was alerted to the fact that his father had gotten up, having memorised the sounds of his family member's footfalls by this point. It was inevitable to not get too far, so Kaori intentionally paused in the middle of the hallway after he had noticed.
He hunched his shoulders and waited, feeling weariness spread through him as his father approached. He turned around irritably to get it over with and scowled back just as his father spoke evenly, "Kaori… this has to stop."
"Stop what?" Kaori put his hands in his pocket and let his body lean right against the wall. He didn't miss the way his father's gaze darkened as the teenager scoffed, "Did I breathe too loudly? Did I not hold my chopsticks right again? What is it this time?"
"You know better," huffed the businessman as he crossed his arms. "We love you very much, but it seems you always want to take that for granted." Just as Kaori opened his mouth to object to that, his father raised his hand reproachfully toward the eighteen-year-old. Kaori felt his retort sputter out the moment his father's hand touched his shoulder as his father continued quickly, probably too used to Kaori's rapid responses to not wait like their mother would, "You have attitude and you act like we are the plague. You disrespect us when we are only telling you what needs to be changed. What have we done wrong with raising you? What must we do to break through to you so that you can change how you walk before you do something that damages our reputation beyond repair?"
Kaori immediately shrugged his father's hand off of him roughly. "Is that what really matters? How others see us because you think I'm all that is bad with us?" asked Kaori as he crossed his arms after his father's hand retracted fully. His eyelids lowered as he told himself that he didn't want to put up with this right now. Plugging his ears didn't work, nor would walking away end their tirades. He'd only be prolonging when they'd continue.
His father's tired gaze stared back for a while before the deep amber orbs slid to the side. Although, Kaori knew it wasn't because the walls were more interesting to look at. "Uta is making an effort to be good. He has a future, unlike you." Ah. Same-old, same-old, then. Kaori couldn't help but feel his blood boil as he frowned deeply, his eyes hardening as the subtle clatter of dishes and happier chatter became more apparent to him now. "Yoko is making strides to be the top of her class, if she has not done so already. Yet all I see is your resistance." Mistiness formed in Kaori's father's eyes. "You are hardly my son... but I want you to be."
When Kaori finally glanced at the wall as well, he felt as if the gazes of the framed pictures were judging him. Of his father's parents. Of his father's brothers and sisters. Of his mother's family in Sendai. Of their own Okazaki family portrait, from years past when things were much simpler when Yoko had almost been born.
To be honest, he was surprised they even kept the one from New Year's Eve when ten-year-old Kaori and Uta were allowed to run around with sparklers to celebrate. …No, wait, Uta hadn't run around, Kaori had. It was all fun and games, pretending he was the 'Ambassador of Fire' until he tripped and fell flat on his face before the parents confiscated the sparklers and scolded Kaori for being so reckless. And yet, the scoldings weren't that bad. The two of them simply checked him over for injuries and sent him back to play with Uta again like it was standard procedure. Like it wasn't the biggest issue in the world...
But even so, the beaming face of his younger self with two missing top-row teeth from losing his baby teeth around that time didn't inspire anything in him. It was painful to know the closest punishment his younger self got as a child was a slap on the wrist before everything changed.
Tearing his gaze away to lock his eyes with his father's, the older man was studying him expectantly. Kaori merely felt his pooling anger gush back as he growled, "I don't know what to tell you-" He unravelled his arms to clench his hands at his sides. "But being sentimental won't make me the perfect son."
"You do not have to be the perfect son," insisted his father, though Kaori knew that was a lie. "All you need to do is stop acting out, and be someone we can be proud of for once. The only reason why we get on your case frequently is that you are digging yourself deeper and deeper into whatever has possessed you to change since you were our wonderful, undisruptive little boy."
Kaori didn't know how to respond to that. One of his deep amber eyes twitched as his hands itched to punch something. He knew his father wanted him to reply, but there was no reason to. There was no pivotal memory he could summon to explain why things turned out like this… to be treated like a lesser being because suddenly everything was his fault.
By this point, his recollection had blurred from when things were normal to when they transformed into this normal. He couldn't even remember the last time the parents congratulated him on something or if they ever had.
"...Then I guess that's another thing to add to things being Kaori's fault." He didn't bother to listen to his father's quiet objection as Kaori pivoted to slip away. He didn't want to face the man right now; he was so disgusted with how simple his father made things out to be.
He might as well get started on an assignment he was going to turn in half-finished. Kaori wondered if he should tape 5,000 Yen or 10,000 Yen to the papers this time.
It was a few days later that Kaori got home after school after staying back. Kaori had volunteered to help with school cleaning because some students who were supposed to today got sick. It never crossed his mind it was an obligation, nor that he was only delaying his return to home, it was simply something he felt he could do without having the parents' permission to be proactive in his life. Not to mention, he supposed he liked helping people, even though they eyed him with criticism when he extended aid. Like they were questioning what his ulterior motive was or if he did that because he wanted to personally insult people with his presence.
He supposed it was a lot better than being verbally judged. Kaori clearly saw the difference in how his fellow students acted today after he parted ways with Uta to let him know to go ahead of Kaori because of Kaori's commitment. His brother didn't really say much outside of a nod, but things have been like that since Uta got started on colleague prep. Kaori missed being able to get an actual reply from the one who had been by his side since birth outside of Uta trying to plead with him to not argue with the parents on Kaori's deaf ears.
Although, on the plus side, he supposed he did get a chance to see Tama.
Given how the Okazaki family was one of the elites in Tokyo, their family was always supposed to join all events where the haughty and Yen-stuffed-pocketed got drunk off their asses. Therefore, he, Uta, and Yoko constantly were dressed up elegantly by the parents on short notice then Kaori would spend several nights forced to shake hands and keep up a plastered smile whilst exchanging cardboard pleasantries with people and politics he didn't even give a shit about. His father always reminded Kaori it was going to be vital to maintain knowledge of who was who because they would be Kaori's future connections, being that Kaori was the heir of their family. And one of those families, the Amakiya clan, held Tama as their successor. And as fate had declared, Tama and Kaori were pretty much forced into rubbing elbows at every social opportunity and school day.
Tama wasn't the worst person, though. He was charismatic to shit, he had a strong grasp of their courses, not to mention he was crazily extroverted to the extent that all of the students at school were practically following at Tama's heels whenever class wasn't in session. It made things impossible to get a word in outside of nods when Kaori knew he wasn't wanted by the other students. However, when it came down to just him and Tama sweeping and cleaning the chalkboards in the classrooms, it gave Kaori a sense of relief that the Tama at school and the Tama at those stuffy events were both genuine people who didn't mind Kaori as a person. It wasn't hard to freely lower his guard when it came to Tama, as Tama's presence usually made everything bearable.
And yet, that relief was doused each day the moment Kaori left the umbrella of the school and back into the scrutiny of the general public.
Just as he shut and locked the front door after going inside, kicking off his school loafers onto the genkan before starting to pick at his teeth as the gums started to hurt again, which was always to the chagrin of the parents when they caught him doing that, Kaori didn't make much progress in escaping to his room. He had already spotted something he shouldn't have.
Yoko was balancing herself precariously on a wooden chair in the kitchen while still in her sailor fuku, her arms reaching upward whilst leaning against the fridge as Yoko and Uta's tests were dislodged off of it. It wasn't too hard to figure out what her plan was.
Kaori watched for a while and sighed soundlessly. He knew it wasn't his business, but his nine-year-old sister was only going to get hurt. He had every intention to ignore her on a usual basis, but even if he did right now, it wasn't going to stop him from being roped into it.
He simply drew his straps off his shoulders and let his bag drop out of the way of the door before he briskly made his way over. By the time he reached her, he knew his instincts had been correct. The chair was wobbling too much and moved in response to Yoko's unsteady footwork.
"You know you're not supposed to spoil your appetite," he hummed neutrally. Did Uta even know about this? Or did Yoko start after Uta was out of sight?
His sister's movements ceased entirely so she could turn her head behind herself. "They won't know."
That made Kaori smile briefly, despite hating how much loathing she had in her bright amber-brown gaze for him. It was too much and too early for a little girl to be averse toward people. "You might be surprised. Mom has this killer talent of knowing if something's out of place."
Yoko turned away and reached up again. "I'll just say you did it." Kaori's smile fell and annoyance filled him. Of course, she would do that. Same-old; same-old. "And it's just one cookie."
"Even if it's one cookie, cookies can sit heavy if you miscount how many one cookie means," murmured Kaori as he shook his head lightly. Yoko was known far and wide for her sweet tooth. She already had to get her cavities removed from some of her baby teeth twice this year, but the parents were wealthy enough to pay the concerning reoccurrence away.
Unlike Kaori. He was under the impression that he wasn't worth the Yen to have his gums get checked out.
He quirked his head to one side just as the chair legs on one side left the ground temporarily, causing him to promptly grab the back of the chair to steady it. When Yoko turned back to him again with another glare, he pressed his lips thinly and grumbled, "Ask for one after dinner. You're never going to reach it."
The cookie jar innocently observed them from above as he moved his disinterested gaze to it. He knew it would be a breeze for him to take it down once he used the chair, but that would only be irresponsible. His sister wouldn't learn her lesson then the parents would scold him again… but Yoko would probably squeal to them that Kaori was being mean again to her later on.
The pigtailed brown-haired girl puffed her cheeks out in vex. "But you can."
"Yes, but I won't. Sorry, Baby Sister." Gods was she more annoying than usual today. He couldn't blame her for being so terrible, he loved her as much as he did for Uta. However, he supposed it was hard for her to not be impressionable when everything became Kaori's fault. When every day, she witnessed Kaori do this wrong and that wrong. Whenever the parents chose to talk about him behind his back...
He didn't even think little girls could grow up to be assholes. She'd have a head start on that career if that existed.
"Fine, don't help me." Yoko's expression contorted as she turned to the fridge again. "It's no wonder Mom and Dad don't like you. You're the worst."
Kaori's train of thought came to a halt after he heard that. By now, he knew he shouldn't be affected by comments like that. But hearing it from his own sister's lips made it harder to tolerate.
His heart stung as he stumbled back and his breath quickened. However, the moment he heard his sister's cry of alarm, he realised he had made a mistake.
Without thinking, he let go of the chair and lunged to catch her, but she was already on the ground, sprawled out and crying in pain. Kaori could only stare down at her in horror as he scolded himself for forgetting where his hands were, leaving him suspended in place as his mind scrambled to figure out what he could do to help her or explain it was an accident.
Yet her crying got worse, became louder…
"What's going on?"
He didn't bother to regard his brother properly, only gasping out soundlessly as panic started to envelop him. He could only wonder how much trouble he was going to be in because of this. Kaori saw how Yoko's expression twisted in upset as she called out for Uta in the middle of her shrieking, despite the fact that Kaori was right in front of her… Was right there…
Kaori's face pulled tightly as he backed away, feeling his vision go unseeing as he felt a hand on his shoulder. For a brief moment, he thought he caught Uta's gaze, his own face reflected in his identical twin's, before he choked out faintly, "I-I didn't- I-I can ex-explain…" His words tapered when he saw concern dip into his brother's gaze, yet Uta didn't say anything. Uta didn't respond and Uta didn't show if he understood Kaori. Instead, Uta had this knowingness that Kaori was too used to seeing when people decided what to make of Kaori.
It suddenly made Kaori angry. He instantly tore himself away from the contact.
He went to hastily sit down at the table, where he grabbed at his head roughly as he bowed it toward the table surface. His breathing came out ragged as his sister continued to sob while Uta went to check her over and Kaori wished he'd left her alone. Now he made things more horrible than they would have been if he hadn't talked with her.
It was always Kaori's fault… It was always Kaori's fault…
...He wished it wasn't Kaori's fault.
His face still ached after the slap he received from his father. If it weren't for the hour-long lecture Kaori had, he would have thought things were going to be alright. The only added benefit of being struck was that it made Kaori lose the frustration and anger he had in dealing with being told he was ungrateful and wanted to injure his own sister out of jealousy. He didn't even try to defend himself this time; he didn't even explain himself. Kaori knew he regretted every amount of what he did and that prevented him from exploding into yelling back at his father.
Kaori simply lay listlessly on his bed now after switching out of his school shirt for his mocha-brown hoodie. He stared up at the ceiling as he heard his brother and father talking indistinctly downstairs with raised voices while he was rubbing absently at the tender, warmed skin on his face. He doubted it would leave a mark or was going to develop into a bruise, which was another good thing to come out of it. However, it wasn't like good things were meant for him. Only Uta and Yoko deserved to have those luxuries as their older brother failed at being the golden child again.
Again and again. Again and again.
Same-old. Same-old.
Nothing changed.
Kaori sighed out long and closed his eyes wearily. He hoped Yoko hadn't broken any bones after he made her fall. He wasn't certain how much force he used in unbalancing the chair, but it was likely that Yoko would make it sound worse than it actually was while she and their mother visited the nearby clinic. Crocodile tears were her specialty whenever Yoko dented walls from not being careful with how she carried things and had him on standby to point at and squeal about whenever the parents noticed the damage. It was really stupid how he was her favourite solution to never getting in trouble, but he supposed it was his brotherly duty to take the fall for her each time if that's how she wanted their relationship to be. It wasn't like he could change her mind, or their parents, for that matter.
When the door to his room clicked open, Kaori blinked as he realised Uta was entering. He trailed Uta with his eyes as his brother made his way to his side of the room, and Kaori couldn't help but smile as he breathed out, "That was a mess, wasn't it?"
He didn't know why, but smiling felt like a better thing to do right now. He wasn't entirely happy or saw a reason to since the parents weren't asking for it, but it was the first response his brain had when he saw his Baby Brother after what happened. At least, he felt Uta sort of knew it wasn't Kaori's fault to hurt Yoko.
Or at least, he thought that was the case.
Uta briefly eyed him from where he was going through his backpack on his bed, which didn't creak at the new weight like Kaori's bedframe did. His silence lasted a little longer before he sighed, "…You're lucky they didn't call the police."
"And what would the police have done?" asked Kaori as he tried to maintain his smile. He must have done something right if Uta was choosing to talk with him today. "Jailed me for jealousy?"
Hoisting himself up and tugging his legs around to sit cross-legged in order to face Uta properly, he idly started picking at his puffy, sore gums again when they started to bug him. He listened as Uta responded seriously, "Yoko doesn't know any better. You can't fully expect her not to try to rile you up, and it's your job to not react to a child."
"Who said I was reacting?" Kaori stopped scratching when he tasted blood. He drew out a finger to briefly observe the tiny redness on the fingertip before he simply placed his hand down on his bed. "It's my fault, after all."
Uta turned his attention back to pulling out a thick book and putting it on the desk that separated their beds. The parents once considered getting a desk for Kaori, but his lack of drive, from what his teachers reported, made the decision easier. "It's frustrating how you never take things seriously. It always feels like we're having two different conversations at the same time, Kaori."
"Maybe it would be better if we did. We seem out of sync nowadays," mentioned Kaori as he meaningfully gazed back. He felt his smile weaken yet continued, "And it's not like anyone takes me seriously."
"I don't know what Yoko told you, or what she may have done to provoke you, or if she did it herself… but I'm tired of this." The identical dark brown-haired teenager inhaled deeply after he had spoken before he pulled the chair out to settle into the desk. Kaori watched him silently as Uta started flipping through the pages, then Uta soon retrieved a pencil he hovered along the pages as he hummed stiffly, "I don't need things going wrong right now when I have all this colleague prep to take care of. On top of all the homework we have, Kaori."
Kaori took a moment to rub at his tingling face again. "Then take a break. My lips are zipped if you want to let things slide."
"No, thank you." Uta's deep amber eyes narrowed ever so slightly. "It's not like I can take a detour from being the best I can be to get into law school."
"So you can go there to be your boring self? Got it." Kaori ignored the way Uta's grip had tightened and Kaori simply deduced that he may have been right. His face wasn't going to be bruised with how the heat from earlier was finally going down. He felt his smile strengthen as he sighed out, leaning back to let the wall do the work of keeping his body up, "You seem oddly frustrated today, Baby Brother. Have a Yen for your thoughts?"
His brother paused and set down his pencil in a resigned manner. "…I already told you. I have to focus."
"And I already told you that I'd keep my lips zipped if you needed to take a break," reminded Kaori as he watched Uta carefully. Uta usually wasn't so short with him, so something had to have happened. It definitely wasn't at school because Kaori and Uta had lunch together, and Uta wasn't out of the ordinary then with his refusal to speak with Kaori. And usually, lunchtime was the only time they were seen in public together outside of walking to school and those prissy social gatherings.
Uta sighed again, "Let me guess, you won't let up until I talk?"
"And that's the zinger!" chirped Kaori with a laugh before he shook his head. "Glad we have our thoughts aligned for once. Being twins has it's perks."
A sigh escaped Uta again. Sighing seemed to be Uta's favourite thing to do today. "...Fine then." As Uta turned the chair around to face him fully, Uta's facial features were full of tension despite how Kaori knew Uta was trying to smooth his face out. Like he had to look more dignified than Kaori as his deep amber eyes met Kaori's same ones. "As you may or may not know, tonight there's a concert in Shibuya for the Lazy Wisterias."
"Oh?" That's right, that was Uta's favourite band. Although, it was odd how Uta didn't have their songs playing right now. Uta typically liked to put on the cassette-player at a low volume to listen to Lazy Wisterias as he studied, which was a convenient method to make Kaori not talk to Uta. It was only a wonder why Uta wasn't listening to them yet this evening.
Kaori let himself lean forward as he blinked back in awe. "I don't follow the grapevine as much as you do, Baby Brother, but that sounds like an opportunity of a lifetime. They usually play around towns outside of Tokyo, not in the Special Wards... or something as you might have told me, I think."
The older twin mentally patted himself on the back for remembering that so well, but this was something important about Uta. He had to know basic facts about his Baby Brother.
"I know." Uta promptly flopped back fully against the back of the chair with a defeated look on his face. "Before what happened with Yoko transpired, I was planning on asking Mom if I could go. But since they're still both at the clinic, I tried asking Dad about it because the concert starts at Eleven PM. It's the perfect day in the week with how we don't even have school tomorrow." His gaze became weary. "I had everything aligned perfectly…"
Kaori's eyes half-closed and inclined his head in confusion. "And what's so bad about asking Dad about it? The parents basically move the world for you so you don't have to step in puddles." Unless small drops of water didn't count as puddles today, from how often that was.
Uta shook his head. "I don't know if it's related to what you did, but in short… Dad didn't want me to go. It didn't work out."
"And why's that?" At least one of the things Kaori wasn't bad at was listening when he wanted to. "It's no secret you love their songs. Mom and Dad buy you them."
"I know, I know, but-" Uta's expression grew sorrowful as he frowned and sucked in a breath, making Kaori frown as well while his Baby Brother sounded choked for a moment. "I do all this studying, I don't make big deals out of anything, I never get in trouble, but the one time I ask for something I care about is rejected. I-I don't understand why Dad thinks it's a waste of time when it wouldn't impact my studies too much… and it's not even a school day tomorrow."
Yet here Uta complained earlier that Kaori was distracting him. Kaori shook his body as he sat up taller, drawing a finger toward his brother lightly as he hummed sagely, "Because neither of the parents understands the importance of being ourselves. The only language they speak is success and achievement. Any terminology outside of that is unfamiliar to them if you try to turn out the whole index for it."
Uta immediately scowled and retorted, "So it's just a big joke to you then."
"No, I'm just trying to explain how it is with them," answered Kaori with a huff as he scowled back. "Take it from someone who never gets along with them. Mom and Dad will never agree to it even if you make an hour-long presentation in formal attire and do all of their favourite things in the world to kiss up to them. You'll never check off all the criteria to win, and you'll likely never see the Lazy Wisterias play in person until you're balding and holding a cane." He gave a shake of his head as he finished dryly, "You might as well accept your losses, Uta."
And Kaori knew how to lose well while others thrived as winners.
"Kaori, be serious for once!" snapped Uta as he glared now. Kaori felt himself flinch from it being aimed at him with virtually his own eyes as Uta clenched his hands on his lap unhappily. "This isn't something you'll ever understand because never once have you tried to put the work in that Mom and Dad want! You just glide by and don't care about others- you didn't even ask if Yoko's okay since I came upstairs-"
Kaori's gaze darkened as his jaw tightened. Was Uta actually blaming him during their heart-to-heart? Acting like everyone else in the family because it was the only outlet he had after not getting what he wanted? Kaori's earlier aggravation with Yoko had long since disappeared by this point, but now it felt like a floodgate had opened because Kaori felt his whole vision shake.
He snapped back, "Are you being serious right now!?" He abruptly sprung off his creaky bed to tower over Uta as he raised his voice. "Of course I care about Yoko! Of course I care about stuff! If I didn't care about anything, I would have flown the coop and abandoned your asses by now!"
"Then maybe you should act like it for once, instead of bringing down those around you," said Uta coldly as Kaori merely felt his hands clench, nearly copying Uta's own as the seated male glared back up unflinchingly. "I'm not here solely to plead with you to get along with Mom and Dad. But some days, it makes me wonder if I should be entertaining your whims. You're so immature and irresponsible- I hate it!"
The anger inside him halved the moment he heard that, leaving Kaori to stare back at his brother with shock. His own brother believed that?
As Kaori couldn't figure out how to reply to that, Uta continued without hesitation in frustration, "The only reason why I haven't asked to move rooms is that we have no capacity for me to have my own until I go to college, but some days I feel like breathing the same air as you is stifling. Because I have to take in the oxygen you have stolen and can only churn it out as the carbon dioxide that I can only become ill with." He started moving his chair to turn it back into the desk snippily. "You make things unfair for me, even if you don't see it. It's like you can't take account of your actions, Kaori, and however Yoko got hurt is the line I have to draw. You clearly don't care about this family, you don't care about how you do in life, so you're clearly lying about caring. About staying when you don't have a reason to stay here. You might as well drop out of school and get a job already because at least doing that is more constructive than how you lash out at everyone all the time." He paused to inhale deeply before he sighed out harshly, "I don't understand how you can bother with yourself if this is how you choose to live."
The older twin brother could only gaze back vacantly, feeling the rest of his anger die out as he wordlessly frowned to himself. No, there was nothing he could say to protest Uta's claims, nor did it seem like Uta would be interested in listening to them. Already his brother was holding the pencil again and mulling over paragraphs in the textbook on the desk; that said enough about whether or not Kaori could talk with him again.
Kaori could only sadly stare back at Uta as he continued doing his work, yet didn't make a move to sit down or leave. His mind raced with all the arguments Uta presented him and it only made him feel as though Uta struck the exact things he needed to deliberately hurt Kaori. Kaori didn't know if these reasons were preemptively prepared to slash him with at this point in time, but eventually, Kaori sat down as he distantly continued gazing off at Uta.
He thought about how Uta persisted in his studies. How Uta was more put together than he was. How… Uta was a better son than he ever was. Kaori could never match that, even if he did everything right...
Kaori thought about running away once when he was sixteen. He thought about how things may have been better if he snuck out and kept running after another bad day made him lash out, finally getting out of their hair because he was probably the nasty rat's nest they couldn't comb over. But when it came time to put the plan into motion after everyone was asleep, he couldn't. It was like a flash flood had set in, barring him from crossing the river he desperately needed to get to the other side of.
Memories of better times got in the way. Seeing his brother asleep at the desk made every part of him hesitate as the cassette-player refused to run out of juice. It made him angry, it made him feel like wailing… then running away became a stupid thought all of a sudden as he placed a blanket over Uta's back and turned the music off. He had too much for him to throw everything away for his own happiness, when he chose to close his eyes after returning to bed to maybe hope that he could try again another day.
So, despite knowing he should have left sooner, he stayed. He stayed, even though he had the opportunity to go. But the cosmic universe saw fit to laugh at him as he eventually chickened out completely and it guided him to this point in time.
His lips pressed into a flat line as he tried inhaling to calm himself down, but it felt hard to with how misty his vision was becoming. He simply sat and observed Uta dully, only doing his due diligence to pretend he wasn't watching whenever Uta's gaze shifted before Kaori eventually realised it was getting late. He blinked, only to find that Uta was no longer sitting there, taking a moment to wonder where Uta had gone until it dawned on him that voices were downstairs again.
The family was probably having dinner again.
Kaori started smiling in resignation.
Maybe it was for the best if he wasn't there... He didn't want to steal their oxygen, as Uta put it.
That night, Kaori couldn't sleep. He lay restless in his favourite position, he hadn't gotten his teeth brushed because it felt like too much and he didn't have the energy to leave his bed, and he didn't want to wake up Uta after his brother went to sleep. Although, even if Uta wasn't aware of it, Kaori saw the way that Uta was reluctant to sleep, as Uta longingly stared at one of the cassette cases for his favourite band before Uta ripped his eyes away as if he were in agony.
Maybe that may have been it, Kaori told himself as he shifted where he laid. Of all the things the parents let Uta do, hearing that Uta's request was rejected gave Kaori no sense of gratification in knowing his own brother wasn't going to get what he wanted for once. It was a real shame, though, because it certainly sounded like Uta had his heart set on it.
In the darkness of the room, Kaori moved his head enough to spot how it was 10:15 PM on the wall clock. Luckily there was enough moonlight to shine on it. Chiyoda wasn't too far from Shibuya, so if Uta were to have gone, Uta would have made it. It would have made the world to Uta to have even stood in the last five minutes of the show, probably. But reality was a bitch, from the looks of it, because the parents never budged. From all the times he'd dealt with them, changing their minds was virtually impossible. They already made their minds up about Kaori, so it wasn't like any progress Kaori could make would turn their opinions around, as even the progress was likely Kaori's fault.
Kaori tiredly blinked yet continued to study the clock. It kept ticking, subtly keeping him aware of each twitch the second hand made as his ears picked it up easily in the silence. The more time that passed, the smaller the window became for when the Lazy Wisterias took to the stage. There was nothing Uta could do about it with how he snoozed on obliviously…
After pulling himself up to sit, Kaori frowned at his brother's sleeping form. He doubted waking up Uta and suggesting his brother should sneak out would achieve anything, especially after hearing the acrid words Uta had chosen to say about Kaori. However, if there were anything Uta cared about, it would be having a sense of semblance of being a part of something beyond the books Uta kept his nose in all the time.
Unbeknownst to their parents, during their walks to school before Uta started his college prep, sometimes Uta would buy hats with images of things he liked and have Kaori hide them in his backpack. Uta was utterly embarrassed about his habit of doing that, but Kaori wouldn't be rude to decline in helping his brother out. After all, if it made Uta happy, then it made Kaori happy. Uta needed some fun to iron out his sternness, even if it was buying stupid hats Uta eventually donated out of fear that the parents would confiscate them. Just having them for less than a couple of hours was enough to earn Uta's satisfaction.
He blinked twice. Half a second later, he checked the clock again, seeing that it was 10:23 PM now.
...Maybe there was something he could do to make it up to Uta. Didn't Uta say once that concerts usually had merchandise or something? Before he knew it, he pulled out his wallet from underneath his pillow, squinting as he tried to count up how much he had with the little moonlight his bed had to offer. He estimated that he had 15,625 Yen on his person. He didn't know how expensive on-site merchandise could be, but there was always a chance that he could try and find something there to make Uta feel better. And it wasn't like Kaori's Yen would go to anything meaningful for himself.
Not to mention, it could be a nice apology gift if he scored something. Even if it was donated later.
…Yeah, he had to get there. This might be the only way to make it up to Uta. It had to be the only way, because Kaori didn't know how else he could say sorry without Uta telling Kaori he was lying about apologising.
Kaori nodded to himself and carefully moved out of bed as it gave a long, irritable creak in response, pausing immediately after it had as he kept an eye on Uta's awareness before he tried to make his way to the door. He didn't have time to change out of his Natural Puppy mocha-brown hoodie before bed, so he was already set to go once he got his loafers on, but he did not want to change out of his school pants if that meant he would stumble into Yoko or their parents if they were trying to stay up late. The more time he wasted, the more time he could get outed. But, he told himself that he'd rather get outed when he got back because he wasn't not going to get in trouble for sneaking out.
The eighteen-year-old only shed one last glance at Uta, poignantly smiling for a few seconds before he slipped out the door.
"Don't worry, Baby Brother," he whispered. "I won't let this be a missed opportunity for you."
The toei bus ride over took longer than expected. Apparently, because the concert was in the Scramble Crossing, all bus routes were changed, so the bus that Kaori needed went the long way this time. Not did it matter, Kaori knew that he wasn't here for the whole duration of the gig. However, it was certainly loud being near the Special Ward itself as the ride went on, which became more apparent when he got off the bus after the bus did a U-turn away from the event entrance nearby Hachiko.
With a look at a pole clock dimly lit by half-burnt-out streetlights, it seemed like the concert had just gotten underway as the band was already midway through a song, whichever one it was. Kaori didn't pay attention to whatever was on Uta's dumb cassettes.
Kaori curiously hummed as he sauntered in their direction, only to click his tongue in irritation that there didn't look to be merchandise anywhere on the premises from his position. However, from lifting himself up with the tips of his toes for a bit, cursing his height as he and Uta were somewhat shorter than most of his classmates their age, he did see that closer to the sides, there were some stands of some kind. Kaori could try his luck there.
However, a custodian wearing a band t-shirt with the Lazy Wisteria's name on it at a booth right beside the event entrance halted him the moment he tried to walk by.
"Do you have your ticket ready?" the lady asked perkily when he glanced at her.
Kaori could only stare back blankly as his mind began to whirl, feeling as if she had spoken an alien language for some reason. Concerts needed tickets beforehand? Why didn't Uta say that?
"Um..." Kaori could only grimace as he pretended to search his pockets. "Tickets. Tickets, right…."
Just as he was pawing through them, knowing the ruse wouldn't last long, a despair came upon him. Already he had paid for the fare to get here by the bus, but would his efforts be in vain now because he didn't have the so-called concert ticket? This wasn't a part of the plan- what was he supposed to do now!?
Without thinking, he turned his attention back to her and asked uneasily, "I-Is there a chance I can buy a new ticket?" That was such a sloppy question, there was no way-
"Oh! Is your ticket missing?" Kaori felt his grimace increase yet could only gaze back intently as the lady eventually drew out a stack of what looked to be fancy slips of heather-blue paper. "I was told that if anyone lost their ticket, they could give me the money upfront to buy a new one. But only if you lost yours." Right away, the slightly spiky-haired teenager felt his jaw drop as the lady continued absentmindedly whilst leafing through the pile of heather-blue slips, "We don't always do this for concerts, but since this event was announced closer to today, Lazy Wisteria's head manager thought it might be good to have some vouchers in case someone didn't remember their ticket. We don't usually get gigs as big as cities, so this is our one way of making sure people who need to get in can get in if they lost their tickets."
For the first time in a long time, Kaori felt as though his chest swelled with not only relief but joy. "R-Really? Y-You'd do that?"
"Yeah!" she chimed in return and lifted the vouchers up cheerfully. "The retail cost was 9500 Yen, so if you have that, I can set you up in a jiffy!"
"Oh gods- That is the best news I've heard all day!" piped Kaori as he immediately drew out his wallet. He thanked the gods the only times he spent money was on inexpensive snacks to float under the parents' radar, because he wouldn't have the money otherwise.
He forked over the Yen quickly and eagerly took the stamped voucher she passed to him after she tore off part of it. His face ached as he grinned toothily back at her when the lady soon slipped a magenta glowing band around his wrist.
"Thank you so much!" he exclaimed as he pocketed his voucher. "You have no idea how much this MEANS to me!"
"It's no problem!" she piped back with the same energy. "Go have fun, Sir, and enjoy the beats!"
With a nod to her, Kaori didn't waver in starting to get a move on. He straightaway strutted into the district, feeling oddly giddy as he could only feel like the excitement from people watching the show in the district were cheering him on after his triumph. It wasn't the biggest victory, but he'd take anything right now to ensure Uta was happy.
The familiar acoustics from the stage drew him in as he recalled this song was definitely one that often occupied Uta's cassette-player, a fairly bass-heavy beat with drums lightly backing up the light-hearted acoustic guitar. He had no name to pin to it, but he didn't mind it too much as his ears prickled and screamed from the volume. It honestly made him wonder how the people who lived here were going to sleep with the band making this much racket, but that didn't matter right now.
Next stop, his search for merchandise… If this band had merchandise. It would be crummy if the Lazy Wisterias didn't have any, but it wasn't like he was going back for a refund.
He might as well go with the flow. That usually worked for him.
By the time he located the stands he sighted earlier, Kaori softly smiled as he took note of the irresistibly delicious-smelling food and beverages, though he knew not to linger on them. Uta wouldn't be interested in a drink cup with the Lazy Wisterias name printed on it; Mom would probably throw it out and scold Kaori for hiding garbage in the bedroom. So, with a rueful turn away from the food as his empty stomach gurgled, Kaori marched on, sharply analysing the stands for anything that might be Uta-approved.
After a few minutes of searching, he couldn't believe his luck when he stumbled upon racks of t-shirts that looked exactly like the ones the ticket booth lady wore. Perfect.
When he approached the stand, he greeted the man politely and the vendor gestured to a size list. Since he and Uta were the same height, it would be easy to find the right one. And in no less than five minutes did Kaori walk away with 4500 less Yen on him. He definitely had enough for the bus fare back, but it would take a while for the buses to return if the congestion from having the roads blocked meant anything. Therefore, Kaori knew that he didn't have much of a choice but to stay a little while longer, so he immediately returned to the food stands, knowing out of the 1375 Yen he had left, he had to save at least 250 Yen for the fare.
Once he walked off with a stick of ikayaki and a taiyaki, he had only 305 Yen left. He was mostly surprised by how cheap the food prices were for the stuff they were selling compared to the t-shirt price, but he supposed if he hadn't bought the t-shirt, he wouldn't have had enough for it if he had spent too much by then. However, he quickly found it was hard to juggle the bag and two snacks at the same time, so he swiftly decided that after he finished the squid stick and fish-shaped pastry, he'd have to decide what to do with the bag.
If the parents or Yoko caught him walking in with the bag, they'd know where he'd been. While that wasn't the issue he was worried about, he halted with a pall at the idea that the parents could confiscate the t-shirt. They might even make him return it or donate it to teach him a lesson about spending his Yen ill-thoughtly… then Uta would never get the t-shirt.
Ditching the bag was a must. But without the bag, he'd only be holding the t-shirt. He knew he could take the lecture, but how was he going to protect the t-shirt from them? Uta would be devastated if he witnessed the parents get rid of it if he knew what Kaori went through to get it for Uta…
As he contemplated what he was going to do, Kaori eventually blinked when it hit him. If he wore the t-shirt under his hoodie, he wouldn't lose the t-shirt. The parents wouldn't ask him to take off his mocha-brown hoodie if the source of their ire was him again. The t-shirt would be safe, and he could tell Uta all he had to do was wash it if Uta wasn't happy about Kaori wearing it first.
Without a second thought, Kaori looked around until he realised he could get back in if he went to a washroom nearby the Hachiko Statue to wash his hands. He faintly recalled the ticket booth lady mentioning to not take off the wristband if Kaori wanted to be let back in.
After quickly showing his wristband to the lady again as he passed by her, Kaori didn't waste any time in washing his hands before he threw off his hoodie, pulled the t-shirt over him, then put his hoodie back on again. He inspected his handiwork with little pivots in case the t-shirt was peeking out before he deemed that he seemed to be in the clear once the mirror confirmed it was completely concealed.
Perfect. Kaori grinned and gave his reflection a thumbs up. Now all he had to do was hide the bag.
After folding it carefully, he thanked the gods that the bag could fit in his pocket before he drew out the scrap of paper and pencil he had on his person. On the ride over, he was trying to draft an apology to Uta, but he erased it several times until he decided to just jot down his plan.
- Get to Shibuya
- Find peace offering for Baby Brother
- Get home and let the parents blame me again
- Apologise to Baby Brother
- Suffer at home
He checked off all but the last three points on his list and hummed. It was a real shame that Kaori couldn't stay the whole night; he was starting to enjoy being here now that he thought about it. A lingering yearning to not go back hit him as a splash of happiness strung through him over the thought of staying away from home. But if he told Uta that Kaori had stayed the whole time, his apology would be considered hypocrisy. Uta would see Kaori's olive branch as an insult.
With a disappointed click of his tongue, he knew he better get going. Hopefully, the ticket booth lady didn't think it was odd that he wasn't going to return, but that wasn't his problem. She didn't know the parents would kill him for sneaking out like this.
After Kaori left the washroom, he noted that it was 12:17 AM. Huh, time flew really fast. Kaori supposed he was correct that he should get back, as Uta might notice he was missing if Uta was the type of person to wake up in the middle of the night.
Unless… Uta didn't really care anymore.
Kaori sighed glumly as he let his feet carry him back to the bus stop. It was certainly fun being away from the house while it lasted, not to mention the ikayaki and taiyaki was the most delicious street food he'd had in a while. Although, it was likely that those were concert-only food stands, so Kaori supposed it was good he had something before he left. That brought a smile to his lips as he whistled lightly to himself, knowing things were going to be rocky when he got back, but that was okay. So long as Uta didn't hate him forever after this, Kaori could try to bear through the harshness the parents shoved down his throat all the time.
Halting for a bit, in the middle of the road, Kaori sighed again. No, he actually would mind the harshness. But his little sense of freedom felt satisfying, though. It took the edge off of the constant frustration he had boiling under his skin all the time.
At the sight of headlights, he dutifully hopped leftward to the sidewalk, smiling as he noted that it was the toei bus he needed to get home. Since the roads were blocked, it was going to do a U-turn like the earlier one had and go back to the bus stop. He would have to rush over if he were to make it, since it was on the other side of the street. But there was already another car driving by, so he was going to have to make a run on this side of the street.
He started moving his feet faster, knowing the bus was going to take a bit until it travelled the other direction. Although, when it had already driven past him, he panicked. Shit, he misjudged the velocity it had- or something from school. Whatever it was, he had to hurry or he'd be stuck walking home! It was going to be the last one leaving Shibuya for the night, from what he remembered the billboard of bus information said! Kaori didn't know his way around Minato nor did he think he could get home unscathed if he got mugged along the way because he got lost-
Kaori had to make sure he got on it before it left!
Veering to his right to cross the road, he pushed down hard on his feet as he saw it was slowing down nearby. Just as his next step touched the ground to speed the rest of the way, noticing the bus was coming to a halt and people were already boarding it, blinding light enveloped his sight to his confusion. It caused him to turn his head to figure out where it was coming from when his feet left the ground entirely.
He felt his momentum end as his back struck a solidness, gasping out raggedly in shock as the headlights passed over him again before he was swept into darkness, his vision faint as the car lights flickered as the blurry, doubling vehicle kept going. He continued to gasp for air as everything didn't seem right, nothing seemed right, yet all he knew was that his body felt awful, the sensation flourishing mercilessly into agony as Kaori could only gawk dazedly about what happened.
D-Did a car just… hit him!? N-No, that can't be true… He couldn't have gotten struck by a car that drove off… But then why was he in so much pain!?
His sight was fuzzy as he gasped out a weak cry, trying to call out for help, but it felt like his voice box was on arrest. He couldn't make much of a sound as he pitifully felt his vision double over more before he let his eyelids droop, continuing his gasping as he foggily half felt the pain itself and half felt the pain was too much to take in at once. It was like his body was having a hard time figuring out how it wanted to feel as he felt floaty even though he knew he was on the ground.
But if he was on the ground… how was he… how was he going to…
Going to get the t-shirt to…
Kaori faintly felt his head slowly sink to the ground.
Uta…?
A second set of headlights passed over him before he was swept into the blackness of the night again.
- End? -
Hope you enjoyed the story! :D
EeveeGen9988: So, in terms of the fact that this was listed as a TWEWY, no, we did not get to see Underground shenanigans. While yes, this does take place in the TWEWY universe I write about. Originally, this was a bigger one-shot, but I feel like for the moment, it might have been better if this one-shot was shorter than it should have been. I had originally been on the fence about whether or not to make it into a full-blown story, but I feel like, despite my original ideas on where I wanted the story to go, to me, at least, this felt like a good spot to end it when it came to deciding on its length.
My big question is whether or not I should continue past this point or keep it as is. A part of me wants both but at the same time too it makes me wonder if I have a good enough reason to get past this point in time. So it remains to be seen if this will remain a one-shot or become the full-blown story.
However, unless I change my mind about this, for the moment, let's not focus on the what ifs. *sweatdrops*
For this story, I wrote for the prompt [Final Entry]. If it wasn't obvious, it was Kaori's erased apology note. It wasn't until this Wednesday that I could have written for the Week 2 prompt of [Final Destination], but it's not like I was psychic enough to foresee that. Either way, I am pleased with how the entry came out, even if I was uncertain at first about posting due to the nature of how the story progressed. :D