warning: there is some triggering content in this chapter, including violence against minors, fatshaming, and restrictive eating habits that will carry into a few future chapters. please know your triggers and read cautiously. food is fuel!
"Prejudices, it is well known, are most difficult to eradicate from the heart whose soil has never been loosened or fertilised by education: they grow there, firm as weeds among stones."
Jane Eyre, Charlotte Bronte
That summer, Lily truly enjoys Cokeworth for the final time.
When her parents first bring her home from the station, she once again feels strange in her childhood home. A year of magical education has built a wall between her and the rest of her family. Instead of letting the division grow any further, Lily works to bridge the gap.
She starts spending her mornings in the garden with her mother and her evenings reading at her father's side; her afternoons split between Severus and Petunia. For a while, it works.
Her parents are eager to soak up as much time as they can with their youngest and Petunia, though initially reluctant, warms to Lily after she starts pestering her for a typing lesson.
Most of Lily's Muggle friends have moved on, memory is short at twelve, but Lily has Petunia again. And Petunia's friends apparently.
The girls Petunia had befriended at St. Agnes are very different from what Lily is used to. They do things like shop, or at least pretend to, and talk about boys. A lot. They talk about boys they know and boys they don't and when they run out of existing boys, they start dreaming up new ones. Luckily, after one of the girls makes the mistake of including Lily in this, asking about Severus of all people, and in front of Petunia, she's granted a reprieve from boy talk.
She loves Benjy and Sev, but Lily had sorely missed the company of other girls at Hogwarts. And despite her lack of interest in boys at the moment, she does pick up a few things in their company.
One of the girls, Carrie, brings over a cosmetics kit one early summer afternoon. She and Petunia decide to use Lily for practice. As they work, Lily can't help but be fascinated by the powders and creams and all the technique they require, these rituals of girlhood. When Petunia and Carrie finish and run off to do things only teenagers are allowed to do, Lily stays rooted in front of the mirror. She can't look away from her reflection, remade by Muggle hands. It may not be magic, but it's something like it.
Lily palms one of Carrie's tubes of lipstick when she finally leaves.
The days not spent trailing behind her sister's gaggle of friends are for Severus.
Long forgotten are the sticky summer afternoons, wasting away on a rusty swing and daydreaming about the days ahead instead of living them.
Now that they've broken the dam on their magic, their ambition floods forth. That summer, they just start to get their feet wet in it.
Over the past year, Severus had picked up some vital knowledge about the art of potion-making. While Lily had been off in the greenhouses or hidden away with Benjy, he had been studying brew theory under Lucius Malfoy, although he's been hesitant to bring up Malfoy in her presence. They make for a formidable pair. Severus provides the technical expertise; Lily, the innovation.
"About the Wideye Potion, I think we should try it again once we get back to Hogwarts. I asked Professor Sprout a bit more about the soothing properties of larkspur and I really think it's possible to substitute it for aconite."
"We'd have to run trials to get the right measurements, how best to prepare the root... but if you think it's worth trying."
"It is! I had Benjy test our last batch on some fifth years during exams. The headache after the potion wears off is killer. With larkspur, side effects should be milder and the boiling point will be a lot lower. That'll speed up the brew time. Remember when we did Wiggenweld?"
"I see your point. I'll add it to the list. Now, back to the Sleeping Draught..."
While they stew over their potioneering plans, Lily struggles to keep up with Benjy's pace of reading.
He had sent her home with his Auden collection, but she struggles with poetry without Benjy there to explain it. Although her father makes a fine substitute, Lily still writes to Benjy as often as Muggle post allows, neither of them owning an owl. The letters arrive steadily, disregarding the two weeks he spends ignoring her after she confesses to not understanding Auden. By July, she misses him desperately. But come August, Lily's carefully constructed summer shatters around her, and that provides enough of a distraction from that.
It starts when Mrs. Evans decides that she would like to get a family portrait done with Lily. Just Lily.
"It would make your father and I happy to see your face everyday," her mother begs when Lily tries to put up a fight. "Especially when you're gone for most of the year. We might just forget what you look like."
It's hard to say no when she puts it like that.
Her parents don't even think of Petunia until Lily asks. Her father tells her that her sister won't mind. They see her everyday, why would they need a photo? He says that she's probably too busy with all of her friends to notice anyway. He's wrong.
When Petunia finds out, after she catches Lily trying on the mint green dress bought for the occasion, things finally fall apart.
"What's that?"
Lily looks up to her sister in the doorway of their room, appraising her drop waist silhouette with a critical eye.
"Mum picked it out from the Harrods catalogue. What do you think?"
"I think… I think why do you need it? Don't you only wear those weird robes now?"
"They wanted to get a picture done. Mum said she told you?"
"She must've forgotten," Petunia's careful porcelain facade cracks, the jagged edges begin to ricochet. "And lost all her taste in the process. How is it possible that that dress makes you look even bigger than you already are? Honestly, Lily, I know you're young but you should consider a diet before your metabolism starts to catch up with you."
"I'm sorry, Tuney. I thought you knew," Lily says softly. "D'you... want to come with?"
"As if I'd want to be photographed with a freak."
She's gone then, and Lily is left to pick up the pieces.
Later, with the tag still attached, she poses in her dress with her parents. When they return home, Petunia is nowhere to be found. Lily asks her mother to return the outfit. She won't be wearing it again, anyway.
The next day, clouds heavy with the type of storm Cokeworth only sees once a summer, Petunia takes Lily for a walk. She's promised her the day to explore, just the two of them.
"Where are we going, then?" Lily asks excitedly.
"That's for me to know and you to find out."
"As long as it's not the shopping center again."
"Of course not. I wouldn't want you to be bored."
Petunia continues to lead Lily through the winding streets of Cokeworth. The neighborhoods have emptied even further than usual in anticipation of the rain, but Lily is happy to have her sister and town to herself for once. She stomps hard on the cracking pavement, enjoying the slap of her rubber boots against the ground.
"Would you stop that?"
"Sorry."
"Just be normal, please. We're almost there."
And just in the nick of time too, raindrops start to clatter on the shingles behind them. Petunia hurries ahead, not noticing that Lily has come to a sudden stop as the dark, towering shape of their destination becomes clear. The Old Mill.
"Lily, come on!" Petunia calls behind her, scurrying to a pile of discarded crates outside of the mill.
"In there?"
"Yes, hurry up! We're about to get soaked."
Lily does as her sister asks, eyeing the building warily as she approaches.
"I thought you said this place wasn't safe? Last time I asked you, you told me we weren't allowed!" she says indignantly.
"Well, we're older now aren't we? New rules!"
Petunia begins to climb the makeshift structure of rubbish, reaching a partially open window, before stopping to offer a hand up. Lily climbs to the sill and over dozens of cigarette butts into her sister's waiting arms. Petunia quickly releases her.
Lily turns to look around at the once forbidden space. It's not nearly as frightening as she expected. Although, after living in a ghost-infested sentient castle for a year, Lily's standards for frightening might be a little higher than before. Still, the mystery of the Mill draws her in.
"This place is huge!" Lily runs her hand along one of the looms as her thoughts wander.
She imagines all sorts of fabrics had been made here, spun by the hands of the girls who lived in Cokeworth before her.
"Do you think anyone in our family worked here, Petunia?"
If so, she wonders who they might have been. Where they lived. Whether they had red hair or blonde. Had they, or someone they loved, been magical, like her? Or, is she truly an anomaly of an Evans. And why isn't Petunia saying anything?
She turns, looking for her sister.
"Petunia?"
The window from which they entered, once propped open by a block of wood, is completely shuttered. Petunia is gone.
A boom of thunder rattles through the Mill, the aging structure of rotting wood and rusting steel quaking above Lily's head.
She rushes to the window. She can barely reach it without Petunia's help, but she pushes hard with her fingertips. It doesn't budge. Desperately, Lily casts about for a stool, a seat, anything to stand on. But the only things left in the mill were bolted down long ago. She checks the other exits, barely visible in the dark. All boarded up. There's no way out.
She's locked in.
Another peal of thunder and rain follows, in earnest.
The little cracks in the roof above that had let in a few rays of light just a few minutes ago now only admit streams of water, grimy with decades of dust and soot.
For a moment, Lily considers using magic to force her way out, until she remembers her wand, forgotten in her dresser at home. It wouldn't do her any good anyway, with the rules against underage magic and the threat of expulsion hanging over her head. She wishes for the comforting weight of it in her hand anyway as she huddles under a mostly solid bit of ceiling.
Petunia had done this on purpose. Led her here and abandoned her, knowing that it would storm and locking her in anyway.
How long would it take her parents to notice her missing? At dinner? Would Petunia even tell them where she is, or would she make up some lie? Maybe she'll tell them that she's with Severus. They'd believe it, but for how long? Surely they'd expect her home for bed, especially if she hadn't asked to stay over. Her mother doesn't like her sleeping at the Snape home. She'll come looking for her then.
Lily settles on her heels, avoiding sitting directly on the ground, which grows wetter by the minute, and resolves to wait. Her parents or Severus will find her soon.
She's been through worse, although Rosier and Wilkes should really consider writing her sister. They'd probably hit it off, planning new ways to punish Lily for the unforgivable act of being born.
As the hours pass, Lily's hopes for rescue before morning wear thin. She'd been forced to readjust after her thighs had started to burn with the effort of holding her off the floor and now sits in a narrow spot under one of the large looms. She's grateful for the boots, but her clothes have long since dampened and grown cold against her skin. Eventually, as the din of the storm passes, leaving a steady fall of rain in its wake, Lily begins to shake. Her mind finally catches up to her body, and she realizes she's not cold, she's not sad, she's angry.
At Hogwarts, the bullying had been impersonal. The Slytherins; Rosier, Wilkes, Malfoy; none of them knew her, but Petunia does. And she hates her anyway. Maybe, she hates her more because she knows her. There's something about herself, Lily finally understands, that inspires hatred.
But that's fine, because she'll hate right back. Only, she'll do it better.
That morning, Lily awakens from a fitful, half-sleeping state to a loud creaking across the Mill. At first, she assumes the building has finally given in. But then:
"Lily! Are you here?"
Severus! She's up and running to the door without a second thought.
There, backlit by blessed, beautiful sunlight, stands her best friend. Lily throws herself into his arms.
"Erm, hello," he says, catching her in a warm, wonderfully warm, but awkward embrace.
"You found me! I can't believe you found me! Oh Sev, it's been- wait, how did you find me?"
She rolls back on her heels and out of his arms.
His mouth is tight and eyes shift away from hers guiltily.
"When you didn't come home, your mum came by. Petunia said she'd last seen you heading towards Spinner's End, they thought you'd be with me."
"Yeah, well, she lied."
"Figured that out myself, actually. After they found out you weren't at mine, your parents rallied the neighborhood, everyone was out searching all night. Except for Petunia. I may have… persuaded her to tell me why."
"She told you I was here?"
"More like implied. But Lily, why did she leave you here?"
Down the street, the one she and Petunia had just walked up the day before, Lily hears her mother's voice calling her name.
"Doesn't matter. Sev, can you keep this a secret? I'm going to tell my parents that I was playing around and accidentally locked myself in."
"Why?"
"I'll tell you later. I've got a plan, don't worry." She looks at him sharply, "And don't think I won't be asking about your persuasion skills later."
Severus looks away, abashed, just as her mother rounds the corner, her father right on her heels.
"Lily! Oh thank god!"
Her mother hugs her tightly and her father gathers them both into his long arms.
"You're alright. Thank god, Lily."
Over their shoulders, Lily aims a warning look at Severus. The message is clear: don't say a word.
After Lily finishes reassuring her frantic parents, feeding them her planned story, they call off the search and take her home. Before she goes, she asks Sev to meet her by their swingset in the park that evening.
Back home, Lily's parents make no mention of Petunia's absence and she doesn't ask. Instead, her mother sets to work baking some of Lily's favorite treats while Lily takes the hottest shower of her life, bringing warmth at last to her numb, wrinkled fingertips. When she finally emerges in a cloud of steam, Lily dresses, then lingers in her sister's side of the room for some time.
Petunia finally appears that afternoon, dragging her feet all the way to the kitchen, where the rest of the Evans family sits, laughing around a half-eaten sticky toffee pudding. The caramel on Lily's lips tastes even sweeter at the look on her sister's face, marked with a few more blemishes than usual.
"Petunia, dear, there you are. Look, our Lily's alright!"
Petunia's eyes widen in shock at the warmth in her mother's voice, clearly expecting some sort of reprimand.
"I got stuck in the Old Mill," Lily explains unnecessarily. "Even though you've always told me not to go in. I really should listen to you more often, Tuney. You're always looking out for me."
"My girls," their mother says, almost tearily. "I'm so proud of you both."
"Come sit and eat, Petunia. Have you been out looking for your sister all afternoon?"
"Oh gosh, I'm sorry. I thought someone would've told you that they found me. You must be exhausted," Lily says with false brightness, Petunia's glare practically burning a hole through her head.
"Yes, I was. And I am, so if you'll excuse me," she responds, slinking away.
With an excuse to her parents, Lily follows her sister up the stairs. Once out of earshot, Petunia whirls on her, finger jabbing into her chest.
"Why didn't you tell them?"
"Oh, did you want me to?"
"Does it matter? Either way it's not your fault. Never perfect Lily! You get lost and they're still proud of you! Did you see her in there, practically sobbing at your feet for just existing? It's embarrassing."
"Right, but the thing is, I didn't get lost, did I?"
Petunia seethes. "What do you want, then?"
"Nothing, Petunia. There's nothing you could give me that I would want. I'm a witch, remember?"
With that, Lily turns her back on her sister, leaving her stone-still frame behind on the steps.
"Mum, Dad!" she calls on her way. "I'm heading to the park to see Sev. I'll be back in time for dinner, I swear!"
"Be sure that you are," they answer as the door swings shut after her.
Lily strolls into the park, her hand wrapped tight around cool, hard, beads hidden deep in her pocket. She spies Sev, head down and feet trailing in the dirt as he sways slightly on a swing.
"Hey," she greets softly.
Severus' head snaps up.
"Lily! I was worried-" he cuts himself off quickly. Lily looks at him quizzically.
"What, you thought I wouldn't come?"
"No. Have you talked to Petunia yet?"
"Yeah, I just saw her. She's mad at me, of course."
"Did she say anything about me?"
"No, we didn't get around to that topic yet, we were too busy discussing how she trapped me in a rotting building and how I lied to our parents about it. I'm guessing this has to do with how you found me? Care to share?"
"You might not be very happy with me, when I tell you. But she deserved it."
"For once, I think you might be right about that. What happened? You didn't use magic, did you?"
"Only a little."
"You could be expelled!"
"They just sent me a warning." Sev's jaw clenches, and he looks to his feet, shuffling in the dirt. "My dad wasn't very happy about it, but that's all."
"Oh Sev, I'm sorry. You didn't need to do that for me."
"Of course I did. Who knows how long she would've left you there if I hadn't."
"Thank you, then. What did you do, anyway?"
"I demonstrated the Pimple Jinx. On her face."
Lily laughs and Severus slowly smiles at her approval.
"I bet she didn't like that."
"No."
They pause, grinning, both caught in a rush of gratitude and affection for the other. As she looks, she catches sight of a slight bruise by his left eye.
"Is that-" she says, her hand moving to brush his hair aside for a closer look. He swiftly pulls himself out of reach.
"It's nothing."
"You said your dad was upset. Did he-?"
"I said it's nothing." Sev cuts her off and takes another step away, lank hair falling back over his forehead. "Now, can you finally explain your grand plan to me? Why didn't you tell your parents?"
Lily reluctantly lets her hand -and the subject- drop. Instead, she reaches into her pocket and withdraws a gleaming string of pearls.
"This is the plan."
At Lily's insistence, Severus agrees to follow her to the River, however ineffectual he considers her plan to be.
The river that passes through Cokeworth, joining the park in dividing Spinner's End from Lily's side of town, is simply called the River. Once, the body of water drew in civilization and provided a meager means of living. If it had a name back then, it has long since been forgotten. As the mill decayed, the people's memories went along with it. Now, the River runs dark with pollution, trash lines the banks, and the resulting stench discourages any would-be visitors.
Severus and Lily stand alone next to the filthy water.
"Are you sure we can't toss her in instead?"
Lily levels him with a look. "This is it for now. Trust me, it'll be enough."
She grips the pearls in one hand, her other wrapped around the matching set hanging from her neck. And then, she tosses Petunia's necklace into the River.
The ivory color shines at the surface for a moment, before the currents snatch it away.
Lily turns and trudges back up the bank.
The rest of summer passes quickly, rapidly cooling after the storm.
Petunia soon notices the absence of her necklace, especially as Lily refuses to take her own off. Their mother is heartbroken to hear of it, and then very angry, confining Petunia to the house until school starts as punishment. The house stays very quiet, both sisters refusing to speak to the other.
When Lily and Severus finally board the Hogwarts Express on September first, they do so with pages of plans for the new year and untempered excitement. Although Lily will start her second year with two friends to her name and too many enemies to count, she's feeling optimistic.
Receiving her class schedule quickly relieves her of that.
So far, Lily has managed to avoid interacting too much with the other houses, especially the more obnoxious ones. Unfortunately, that comes to an end this year. They've been assigned to double Herbology and Defense Against the Dark Arts. With the Gryffindors.
Voices echo across the lawn, greeting the Slytherins as they approach greenhouses on the first day of class. As Lily's observed during her brief jaunts through their tower, Gryffindors are a loud lot.
Severus, already annoyed beyond belief, turns to leave at the threshold. Lily catches him before he can abandon her.
"Sev. You can't skip the first class. Besides, Sprout's already seen us."
And she has, waving Lily, and Severus by extension, over excitedly.
"Miss Evans! A pleasure to have you back in my class," she says once they reach her side. "I have a favor to ask of you, dear. Do you see those boys?"
Professor Sprout gestures to the loudest, and furthest, corner of the room. There, sit four boys laughing uproariously at what must be the funniest joke ever told. From the smug look on one of their faces, bespectacled and all too familiar, Lily locates the source.
"I see them, Professor," Lily says, already dreading what will come next.
"Yes well, I had a spot of trouble with them last year. Mostly brilliant students, but unmanageable together." Severus scoffs quietly as their professor continues. "I think it would be best to separate them, with your assistance. Would you two mind terribly?"
"Of course not, Professor," Lily answers to Sev's disbelieving stare.
"Wonderful!" Professor Sprout says brightly, then turns to the boys in question. "Lads, listen up!"
They fail to respond, or even register her words.
"Boys! Potter, Black up here!"
At that, they finally look over. Lily feels at least one pair of calculating eyes land on her in the process.
A quieter member of the group speaks up, one that Lily had overlooked previously. "Sorry, Professor."
"Of course," Sprout replies fondly, before looking around disapprovingly at the rest of them. "Gather your things. I have decided to pair you with some of my more dedicated students in the hopes that you will actually get something done this year. Lupin, you will be working with Miss Evans. Potter, with Snape. Black, you will work with Pettigrew. Please seat yourselves accordingly." She turns to Lily and Severus with an apologetic smile. "Thank you. I'm sure you'll have more success than I."
Lily and Severus, more in shock than anything else, find their seats. Lily smiles cautiously at the quiet boy from before. His shaggy hair falls unkempt to his shoulders, visibly bony through his robes. He reminds her of home, in a way.
"Hello, I hope you don't mind my joining you."
"'Course not. I doubt you had a choice, anyway," Lupin replies in a kind voice.
Lily looks over to Severus, a few rows down, as he takes a seat next to Potter, somehow already sprawled out across his new table.
"Potter," he greets stiffly.
"Snivellus," Potter responds, mimicking his tone.
Severus opens his mouth, possibly also reaches for his wand, but Lily coughs loudly. Having successfully drawn his attention, she smiles bracingly at him. He glares at her, then at Potter, who has followed the direction of his gaze to Lily, and then at his desk. When Potter fails to look away as well, Lily takes a page out of Sev's book and stares menacingly back until he does.
Primly, she turns back to Lupin. "Shall we begin?"
Their bad luck extends to Defense, as well.
The old Defense instructor, a tottering old woman with a terrifying lack of accuracy when it came to dangerous spells, had sadly passed that summer. The replacement, a more intentionally intimidating presence who introduces himself as Professor Dee, pairs the class alphabetically. Her new partner, Sirius Black, buries his head in his arms when she takes her seat.
Apparently, he finds the situation just as bothersome as she does.
"Far too many Slytherins this year for my liking."
"I'm sure your brother wouldn't be happy to hear that," snaps Lily, remembering the other Black boy who'd just joined her house.
"The Hat is bound to make a mistake or two. Can't fault Reg for shoddy Sorting."
"To hear the other Slytherins tell it, you were the mistake, not him."
"Careful Evans, you're starting to sound like my mother."
"I doubt that's a good thing, if she had a hand in raising you."
"At last, we agree!" He smirks at her. "This is going to be good. I can tell."
Lily groans and his lips twist higher.
Lupin and Black could not be more different, Lily observes over those first few lessons. She actually enjoys Herbology with Lupin. While he doesn't have any particular talent in the subject, he's quick and eager to learn. He also possesses a sort of subtle magnetism, so much so that Lily finds herself sneaking glances at his face, plain from a distance but scarred and expressive up close. She'd assumed that Black and Potter had enough charisma for the four of them. She's wrong. Lupin has plenty and Black has none.
Each Defense session is a test in tolerance. Their verbal sparring matches continue with regularity, but Lily eventually realizes that while she's left weary and furious afterwards, he remains unbothered. Even the nastiest of insults glance off of him, paper aeroplanes against his armor. She thinks he even enjoys it.
For someone who she's heard about endlessly since her start at Hogwarts, she's shocked by the reality of Sirius Black. Enid and Belinda speak of the Blacks like they hung the moon, or at least funded the hanging. That Sirius was Sorted into Gryffindor was certainly an unhappy anomaly, but not one that could erase his pure blood and upbringing. His friendship with Potter and perfect looks, Lily once overheard, very much help his case. Lily, less than impressed with all the aforementioned attributes and unable to find any promising qualities in their place, writes him off easily.
"Your friends," Lily starts in Herbology one October morning. "How do you stand them? I mean you seem…" she trails off for lack of a polite word.
"Sane?" Remus asks teasingly.
"You said it, not me."
"Ah, Pettigrew's not bad."
"I've literally never heard him speak."
"I thought you'd prefer that, judging by the way you're looking at James right now."
She had been distracted by Potter, who had in turn been distracted by his ability to evade a few seeking branches of Devil's Snare, showing off for a laughing Sirius Black.
"Yeah. Well. Maybe." Lily sputters, embarrassed to be caught.
"Nah, James and Sirius are alright too. Just more of an acquired taste."
"We must have very different tastes."
"I think we do."
While Lily makes some inroads with the Gryffindors, she still fails to find any in her own house.
After the start-of-year feast, she returns to find nothing has changed within her dormitory. Enid and Belinda sneer at her from where they sit on Dorcas' bed. Dorcas ignores her altogether, drawing their attention to whatever pureblood gossip they've yet to catch up on.
Lily, fresh off the battlefield with her own sister, is hesitant to take up arms again so quickly, so she lets them be.
Benjy's friendship remains a constant, and he's more than enough sometimes. Ravenclaws and Slytherins have Transfiguration together, finally the order of the alphabet works in Lily's favor, and Benjy's curiosity combined with Lily's lack of talent usually has disastrous results. Of course, they also have the reading room, but time grows more limited as the year passes.
Lily's availability, and mental state, become especially strained in the days before Halloween.
That week, Remus never shows for Herbology and Lily's left with twice the course load. Then, exhausted by Potions, she mistakenly adds an extra dash of powdered asphodel and is rewarded with several second degree burns for her trouble. Severus escorts her to the Hospital Wing, incensed.
"You're too smart for a mistake like that, Lily."
"And yet," she lifts her injured arm with the other.
"You were just tired because Lupin decided to skive off class all week."
"I'm sure he's not missing class on purpose."
"Stupid Gryffindors. We ought to have a talk with Sprout, is what we should do."
"I think you have my Herbology partner confused with yours. Remus is actually quite smart."
"You're seriously going to defend him? After what he did to you?" He looks at her arm and then away quickly, like the sight of it hurts him more than her.
"Sev, come on. You're being ridiculous! He didn't do anything to me. I made a mistake, Madame Pomfrey will fix it. The end."
Severus gives her a look, pitying and affectionate, a look one might give a child who doesn't know any better, and storms ahead into the Wing.
Unfortunately, the sources of Severus' ire stand right inside, all gathered around a bed containing Remus Lupin himself.
"Remus! Are you alright?" asks Lily, pushing past Severus to stand between them.
"Hi Lily. I'm fine." He eyes Lily's arm, held haphazardly against her chest. "Are you?"
"Oh, this," she laughs self-consciously. "Just a little brewing accident. Madame Pomfrey around?"
The woman in question bursts into the room as if summoned by her name.
"Another Potions burn? I just released the last one, poor Aubrey. Someone's got to have a talk with Slughorn, this is getting ridiculous. Let me have a look."
"It's nothing really, totally my fault."
"I'll be the judge of that."
But it really is a quick fix. Pomfrey gives Lily leave with a small tub of healing potion after a short examination. However, Severus can't contain his anger any longer, firing a parting shot on their way out.
"Consider showing up to class every once in a while, Lupin. Some people are here for an education, not to live in the Hospital Wing."
The door slams shut behind him, but Lily doesn't miss the anger on their faces before it does.
The resulting confrontation comes to fruition that afternoon, although Lily, who spends the evening holed up reading with Benjy, doesn't find out until the next day.
When Severus doesn't show up for breakfast, or lunch, or dinner, Lily grows very concerned. She checks all of their usual spots. When her friend fails to materialize, she finally heads for the Hospital Wing.
There, behind a set of flimsy white curtains, lies Severus Snape. His thin, pale frame looks fragile here and her heart aches to see it.
She's seen him hurt before. Early on in their friendship, she had started to notice mysterious scrapes and bruises come and go. When he never managed to provide a convincing explanation for them, she'd pieced together the truth. He's used their lengthy Cokeworth afternoons in the park as an escape long before she needed them as such herself.
He remains unconscious throughout that first visit, but she hears of the incident through secondhand gossip anyway. Black and Potter had attacked him on the grounds completely unprompted, although no eyewitnesses managed to hear the words exchanged. They had hexed him, and done it poorly, although no one knew the exact magic used, not even Sev.
Lily, furious at the news, refuses to speak to both Lupin and Black in class. This, of course, leads to more coursework to do alone. When she shows up to Potions without Severus, now awake but confined to the Hospital Wing for the next two weeks, Slughorn reassigns her for the time being.
Dorcas, currently partnerless due to Bertram Aubrey's latest mishap, takes in Lily's presence with more grace than expected.
Lily sits and Dorcas glances her over haughtily. Her long black hair shines with obvious care, probably a stark contrast to Lily's own mismanaged curls, frizzy and dry from stress.
"I suppose it could be worse."
Lily rolls her eyes, too exasperated for politeness. "I suppose."
"I could still be partnered with Aubrey."
"That is worse." It really is. Lily almost feels bad for Dorcas. Aubrey's probably missed more classes this year than he did last.
"It is. I'm headed for remedial, if I keep on with him. How long is Snape out for?"
"Pomfrey says two weeks, at least."
"Perfect." Lily's eyes widen at the audacity, affronted on Sev's behalf. Dorcas catches her expression and tries to clarify. "Sorry. Perfect for me, not you."
Against her will, Lily laughs.
That night, in the Astronomy Tower, Lily finds herself standing next to Dorcas again as their professor drones on about constellations and fate.
"Hello again," Dorcas greets.
"Hello."
"I'm afraid I don't need your genius as much in this class."
"What a shame." Lily makes to leave.
"But, I guess you could stay anyway."
Their eyes meet, barely visible in the starlight. Lily actually considers the offer, awkward and stilted as it was.
"Alright."
She remains at Dorcas' side for the rest of class, the infancy of a friendship taking root under the night sky.
Her partnership with Dorcas makes far more progress in Astrology than Potions, where she misses Sev and his expertise keenly.
Dorcas' father, Lily learns, has a large reputation within the Wizarding World, built from the fortune-telling abilities he first displayed at Hogwarts. After graduation, he went on to become a prolific prophet, producing around twenty-seven major prophecies in a period of five years, a feat unparalleled by some of the greatest throughout history. Since then, he'd travelled the world, advising all sorts of wizarding leaders and meeting Dorcas' mother in the process, until finally settling as the head of the Department of Mysteries in England. No wonder Enid and Belinda had been so desperate to collect Dorcas last year. She's practically Wizarding royalty.
She's also a wiz at Astronomy, although she tends to predict doom and gloom no matter the order of the stars. Lily's just grateful for the Es.
When Severus finally returns to class, moodier than ever, Lily switches back to her old Potions assignment, but refuses to give up Dorcas in Astrology.
She also mostly forgives Lupin, who had repeatedly assured her that he had no part in the attack, to Severus' displeasure.
He confronts her over a cauldron one afternoon, still working on determining the effects of larkspur.
"I'll never understand what you see in them."
"I don't see anything in them!" she argues. "Remus had nothing to do with what happened to you."
"You're a fool if you believe that," he spits.
"Then I'm a fool," she glares back, then softens. "Sev, come on. I'm sorry, but everyone here is guilty of hurting someone like us. We can't afford to be picky."
"I don't think I'm being picky when I ask you to stop being friends with someone who put me in the hospital for two weeks? Someone who hurt me!"
Lily puts aside any protestations of Remus' innocence and cuts to the core of the issue. "And what if I asked you to do the same?"
"What?"
"I think you know," says Lily.
Rosier and Wilkes' torment had not stopped this new year, although Lily had gotten better at avoiding it. While she'd never told Severus directly, he can't be totally blind to it. And yet, in the absence of Malfoy, she's seen him seek out their approval more and more frequently.
She sees the awareness dawn on his face before he buries it back under his indignant rage.
"I can't believe this is my fault now." He turns to leave and Lily scrambles to defuse the situation fast, setting aside the task of chopping roots to reach for him.
"It's not. Sev, stop, stop." Severus lets Lily pull him back to their station, the bubbling liquid just beginning to boil over the sides of the cauldron. "I'm sorry, it's not your fault at all. Let's just drop this and agree to move on."
Severus clearly does not agree, and he shows her that when he pointedly insists that Professor Sprout find him a new partner. After some reshuffling, Sev sits with Mulciber across the room. At least Potter seems happy enough with Mary Macdonald - Mac, Lily remembers.
With the growing rift between them, Sev stops showing up to brew with Lily as often and begins to spend more time with the Slytherin boys. His partnership with Mulciber in Herbology and Avery in Defense seem to take their toll. Lily, used to her fair share of lonesome meals after Sev's trip to the Hospital Wing, watches him sometimes from her spot down the table. He seems sharper. Angrier.
She also notices that they've started to hang around a few of the first years, Regulus Black included. Avery initiates most of it, calling the Black boy over like Belinda once did with Dorcas. But Sev, Sev cultivates him. She sees him use the same tactics Malfoy had employed with him: the special interest, asking just the right questions, making him feel valued. That is the Slytherin way. Loyalties bought and sold through carefully calculated conversations. Lily, excluded from the process long ago, feels a burning ache of jealousy as she watches. Her friendships, tenuous as they are right now, exist only by the skin of her teeth.
She finds it easier to skip meals after a while. The idea of watching Sev cozy up with some of her cruelest, smarmiest classmates makes her too nauseous to eat anyway.
Besides, with classes getting harder than ever, she values those extra hours spent in an empty classroom or in the reading nook. Benjy meets her there fairly often, usually with a knowing look and a dinner roll or toastie in hand.
"Lily!" He greets one such evening, tossing a book at her this time instead of food.
"What's this? Oh, Frankenstein! Where'd you get it?"
Their selection of Muggle literature, limited by what they can fit into their suitcases at the start of the year until they make it home for the holidays, has mostly been depleted by now. A new book is a very exciting development.
"My mum got fed up with waiting for me to write with the school owls, so she actually went to Diagon Alley and bought her own. Made them give her the strongest one there just to make sure she could ship books."
"She went to Diagon alone?"
"I told you. The woman isn't right in the head."
"Like mother, like son."
"Oi! You can't be rude to someone giving you a present. Look what else."
A pile of magazines lands her lap. A topless, or mostly topless, woman looks up at her from the top of the stack. Dumbfounded, she pages through the rest of the catalogues, each covered with an assortment of beautiful, naked women.
"Ben! Why did your mum send you these?"
"I asked her to."
"Again, why?"
"I don't want them, if that's what you're worried about. I was just curious, and I thought they might be useful," he says, sitting and opening his copy of Homer, clearly already bored with the conversation.
Lily, mostly used to Benjy's occasional lapses of sanity at this point, lets him. She assumes his reasoning will reveal itself eventually. It always does. And it doesn't take very long this time.
When they manage to tear themselves away from their respective books, Lily having already devoured half of Frankenstein, they head back out into Gryffindor Tower.
Benjy and Lily have made it almost a year coming in and out of the secret room without any undue attention. Gryffindors lack a few key abilities, one of them being observational skills.
Tonight, however, one Gryffindor catches them as they make their way around the corner by the Fat Lady portrait.
"And what are you two doing all the way up here on your lonesome?" asks Sirius Black, waggling his eyebrows suggestively.
"I'm not sure how that's any of your business, Black," says Lily coldly.
"A Slytherin in the Gryffindor Tower. What about that isn't my business?"
"Last I checked, there were no rules against my being here. Besides, he's a Ravenclaw, why don't you care about him?"
"Hey!" Benjy exclaims, caught in his unsubtle attempt to escape as Black focused on her.
"Slytherins are the enemy, Evans, not Ravenclaws. Catch up. Now, what were you two doing up here?"
"We, uh-" Lily casts about for a lie, not willing to sacrifice their secret so soon.
"We're distributing these," says Benjy, withdrawing the lewd magazines from his bag. Black's eyes light up at the sight. "Selling them actually, if you're interested in buying."
Sirius grabs one out of the stack and flips through it.
"Hey! No sampling the wares. One Galleon per mag," Lily orders, catching on fast. Sirius barely takes his eyes off the pages as he reaches into his robe pocket and tosses a gold coin in her direction. She catches it and shoots Benjy a shocked look. It actually worked.
"This is bloody amazing. You have more where this came from right?"
"Of course," answers Benjy.
"Ha! Of course, he says. A-mazing," Sirius looks up, grinning at Benjy. "You've made my night, you have. Bloody amazing Muggles."
In his excitement, Black whoops, grabs Benjy, and plants a kiss on one of his burning cheeks. Then, he's off, laughing his way down the hall, presumably off to locate the rest of his troupe.
"Well, then," says Lily around a teasing grin.
"Shut up."
"I was only going to call you amazing and then give you a big fat smooch in gratitude. But I guess you're only interested in Black's kisses?"
"I'm leaving. You're welcome, you know."
"Yeah, yeah. You're a mad genius, as always."
Black seeks them out regularly afterwards, always looking for the next issue.
Ever since her night in the Mill, Lily avoids the dark. She can't forget that feeling, the pressure of the blackness on all sides, eyes open but unseeing, the paralyzing fear. In the dark, Lily's memory inevitably pulls her back. Once, her candle had sputtered out as she read alone in the secret room. As the aftershocks of her fear crashed into her, she'd found herself struggling to breathe. She'd sat there in the dark, gasping like a fish drowning in air, until Benjy found her minutes or hours later.
Luckily, true darkness is hard to come by in the Slytherin dormitory. At least in the physical sense. She still finds it hard to sleep sometimes, more due to the blackness behind her own eyelids than anything else.
On one such night, Lily decides to wander. Walking in the dark is far better than sitting in it, waiting. Unfortunately, she doesn't make it far, stumbling over something as soon as she exits the common room. Unable to stop her momentum, Lily crashes to the floor. Her knee catches most of her weight, but she barely registers the pain. Instead, she looks about for the cause of her fall.
A body lies by the entrance.
After a long moment, it moves.
"Oh thank god, you're alive!"
"No thanks to you. Merlin, Evans, you're clumsier than I thought."
"Black?" Lily asks, finally recognizing his form in the dim light.
"That's the name in question."
She doesn't care to decipher that, not when she's so annoyed with him.
"And why are you laying right outside of a doorway in the middle of the night?"
"Just trying to have a chat with my brother."
"I'm going to take a wild guess and say that he's inside sleeping with all the other sane people."
"By that logic, you're just as insane as I am."
"I never said I wasn't. But at least I'm not using my body as a doorstop."
"What were you doing?"
"I was taking a walk." She realizes that she actually does sound as insane as him, but that doesn't make her any less peeved.
"At this hour?"
"I couldn't sleep."
"Me neither."
"No, I imagine the dungeon floor isn't very conducive for sleep."
"Oh, nice vocabulary. Such big words for a small girl."
"You should really try reading a book sometime, Black."
"I've never needed to, to be honest."
"Ah, that's right. You're a Black. I'm sure you had servants to do everything for you. Did your mum at least read you your bedtime stories, or did she have the servants do that too?"
"House Elves."
"What?"
"Wizards don't have servants. We have House Elves."
"Right." Lily resents him even more for this reminder of how little she understands of this world still.
"Sorry, I wasn't trying to be condescending," Sirius says, having the nerve to sound apologetic. Pitying the Muggle girl, most likely.
"I don't think you have to try. It's your natural state," Lily snaps.
"Really, I don't care that you're, you know, Muggleborn. Being a Slytherin is more of a crime in my book."
"Oh thank you! I'm so glad to know you don't hate me for one thing I can't control but do for another! I was actually just thinking, 'What must Sirius Black think about me? I hope he doesn't mind that I exist.'"
"You're a very difficult person to talk to."
"Good."
He doesn't say anything to that and Lily starts to feel a little guilty in the silence, always her fatal flaw.
"What is a House Elf anyway?"
He laughs. "Remind me to show you the kitchens sometime, you look like you need them."
"House Elves?" She prompts.
"Oh, yeah. Little creatures. Creepy things they are, you'll know it when you see one. They live to serve. I'd guess they've been working in wizarding households for centuries, but I've never really cared to ask. They're all over Hogwarts, making the food, cleaning, but you'll never see them unless you know to look."
"That's horrifying. Are they paid?"
"'Course not. I told you, they live for work."
"And you have one? At your house?"
"Kreacher. He's creepier than most and hates me. Although, that may be my family's influence more than anything else."
"Why do you think your family hates you?"
"Oh, too many reasons to list. We'd be here all night. But if I had to guess the main one, it's that I'm not Regulus."
"What, because you're in Gryffindor?"
"That's part of it. There's a legacy I was meant to fulfill and when I was Sorted, I failed them. Not that I would've lived up to their standards anyway, seeing as I'm somehow still disappointing them constantly. Now, all their hopes and expectations are on Reg. He's a true Slytherin, the proper Black."
Lily thinks of Petunia for the first time in a while, at home alone with their parents for most of the year.
"What does Regulus think?"
"Oh, he'll never say it but I know he resents me."
"It's not like you can do anything, though? You were Sorted. You can't change who you are."
"Still, I left him behind, with them. I didn't mean to but I did."
To Lily's surprise, his voice actually cracks in emotion at the end. It's this show of weakness that finally forces her to share.
"I have a sister."
"Do tell, Evans," he leers. She regrets this already.
"Don't start. She's a Muggle and she would absolutely hate you. She hates me, all because I was born a witch."
"Ah, siblings. James' parents got it right, stopping after one."
"What were you going to say to Regulus? If he had come out?"
"I don't know. I didn't think he'd show. I guess I was right about that."
For a while longer, they sit in silence, side by side. Lily feels the darkness around her, but her breath remains steady.
The holidays come and go, the frost remaining unthawed in the Evans household.
Lily returns to Hogwarts having spoken to her sister only twice over break. She and Severus maintain their strange distance also. She misses him far more than she'd like to admit.
She's just come from searching for him in the dungeons when she runs into someone looking for her instead.
"Excuse me, sorry, but are you Lily Evans?"
"Yes?" Lily answers, trying to place the familiar girl blocking her path. She's all softness, with a plump frame and warm brown curls.
"It's nice to meet you! I'm Alice Boathby," she says, just as Lily finally places her. Fifth year, Hufflepuff Prefect. She's another Herbology acolyte, Lily's seen her coming in and out of the greenhouses fairly often. "Sorry to bother you, I've actually been meaning to talk to you for ages."
Lily just stares in confusion.
"Right," Alice chuckles nervously. "Professor Sprout said you weren't much of a talker. She also said you were top of the class in Herbology. The best she's seen since, well, me." Alice blushes, but Lily respects the lack of modesty. She longs to be able to emulate it without circumstances shoving her back down. "Anyway, I'm working on an independent project and I need some help. Pomona said you might be interested?"
"What's the project?" Lily asks skeptically.
"Have you worked with Muggle plants before? Pomona said you're…she said your parents are Muggles but I didn't want to assume."
"My mum's a gardener, so yes."
"Great! Right now, I'm working on identifying the crossover between magical and mundane uses for certain plant species. Think Muggle folk remedies and modern medicine versus their Wizarding counterparts. Which plants are used for what and how. What are the similarities and what can be learnt from both traditions," she pauses to take a breath and realizes, her cheeks flushing to what seems to be their natural shade of red. "Whoops, I tend to ramble when excited! I hope I didn't bore you."
"That sounds fascinating, actually."
"Really? Oh, great!" Alice says in shocked relief. "You'll have to meet me in the greenhouse tomorrow. I need to show you which plants we're working with and we can go from there."
She walks with Lily all the way back to the Great Hall, unable to stop her rambling now that she knows she has a captive audience. Lily lets herself get pulled along with, forgetting to look for Severus as she sits. She eats two whole servings of pie with her dinner.
Although she tends to avoid her dormitory during normal hours, Lily gets a little too caught up in her research to remember to clear out. She's been working with Alice Boathby for a couple weeks now and she's eager to prove herself. The girl's a lot smarter than Lily had first assumed.
Currently, they're working on understanding the effect of Galanthus Nivalis, or snowdrop, on memory. Lily had found a book on historical uses for the plant in the library, which she's busy annotating that Saturday afternoon when her fellow roommates stroll in. Enid stops at the sight of her.
"I hope that's not another Muggle book."
"It's from the library."
"Thank Merlin. You know Sirius Black's been showing off those disgusting rags he buys from you. He brings them everywhere, practically gave his mother a heart attack over the holiday, I heard."
"At least now I can see why you enjoy Muggle books so much, Evans. Although, Black should really know better. Muggle beauty doesn't last long, they get ugly so fast," says Belinda.
"What does your mother look like, Evans? She can't be too young. Maybe we'll have to introduce her to Sirius."
Lily's palm suddenly stings, her fists clenched so tightly that her nails draw blood.
Dorcas pushes past the two other girls into the room. Lily hadn't even noticed she was there, lingering. She'd like to go on pretending that she isn't. Sometimes it's easier that way.
"And how old is your mum, Enid?" Dorcas asks.
"She's forty-three," Enid answers in confusion.
"So she's a witch, and a fairly young one too. What's her excuse?"
"Excuse for what?"
"Being ugly, of course. You must've noticed, with a nose like that. Your poor father. Or, doesn't he have that French mistress? I suppose you can't blame him for it, having to come home to such a hideous wife every night."
The book drops out of Lily's lap with a thud. She thinks she must have misheard, but Enid's face, purpling with rage, proves her wrong. Enid sputters for a moment, then, unable to muster a response, she flees.
"That was a mistake, Meadows," Belinda warns before she follows.
"It really was," says Lily, finally recovering from her shock. "You should probably go and apologize."
"Why? I wasn't lying, her mother really is hideous."
"That's beside the point and you know it."
Dorcas takes a seat beside Lily and grabs her bleeding hand. She pulls out her handkerchief and begins dotting at the little crescent indents in her palm. "I have something for this, do you want it?"
"Dorcas," Lily cautions. Dorcas pauses in her ministrations and finally looks Lily in the eyes, her mouth set, expression firm.
"Lily, I know what I'm doing. And it's about time I've done it."
Lily stares back, cataloguing the determination on her friend's face.
"Fine. But before we heal this, can you grab me a vial? I've been meaning to collect a blood sample but haven't had an opportunity."
The girls study together on Lily's bed for the rest of the afternoon, knees brushing occasionally as they work.
Emboldened by Alice's mentorship, Dorcas' support, and even Black's idiotic obsession with her and Benjy's magazines, Lily's walks a just little taller those next few weeks, head held higher.
She should've known better. Her new height just makes for a bigger target.
Hogwarts, magic in general, is all about the give and take. Even happiness comes with a cost. The Grey Lady had tried to tell her that last year. She won't forget this lesson.
Rosier and Wilkes find her close to curfew.
Lily had just finished a near flawless cauldron of Wideye potion, still trying to perfect the use of larkspur, and walks through the dungeon corridors with a small smile on her face. She's planning on breaking their silence and sharing the news with Sev, certain they'll make up after this. That's when they grab her.
It happens too fast for her to do anything. One second, she's on her own two feet, the next she's off the ground, rough hands lifting and shoving her into the nearest room. The force of it knocks her to the floor and the breath out of her lungs. She hears the door slam shut.
"There she is," a cruel voice says from above her. "The Mudblood down on her knees where she belongs."
She looks up. Rosier stands over her prone form. Wilkes blocks the exit. No way out.
"What do you want?" She bites out.
"We want you to learn your place."
"According to the Sorting Hat and Dumbledore, my place is the same as yours."
Wilkes fires a Stinging Hex from the door, lashing Lily on her cheek. Her eyes burn, but she doesn't let the tears fall. She won't let them see those.
"That's a crock of shite. You shouldn't even be here. It's disrespectful."
"And what about Severus? His dad's a Muggle and he's still your friend. Or do you only hate Muggleborns that are smaller than you?"
"Listen to her, Evan," says Wilkes. "Trying to throw her own best friend to the wolves."
"It's not like he hasn't done the same to her and her kind."
"What?" Lily croaks.
"She doesn't know!" Absolute glee fills Rosier's twisted face.
"Severus would never-" she's cut off with a swift kick to her ribs.
Lily falls back with a pained groan, body curling around her stomach to prevent further damage.
"Shut up, Merlin, I'm tired of your voice."
"Anyway, Severus would and he has," taunts Wilkes. "Didn't you hear about what happened to Ruth Merray last month?"
She had heard. Everyone had. It was impressive magic. An unknown assailant had attacked the girl from behind, transfiguring her into a weasel. It'd taken days for anyone to report her missing and piece it all together. The casting was so binding by then that Pomfrey and Professor McGonagall had labored for a week trying to return her to her human form.
Rosier sees the horrified look on her face and smirks. "I'm surprised you didn't put it together yet. Severus is always going on about how smart you are."
"Ah, he's probably got her head and her chest confused. Not that there's much there yet either."
Lily finally cracks, a sob ripping from her throat as she holds her aching frame.
"How did we get on this topic again? Oh, right. Putting Mudbloods in their place. You got yours yet?"
"I think one more lesson," says Wilkes, a cautious eye on the door. "Then we should probably move."
From her spot on the floor, Lily watches as Rosier kneels beside her. He bends until their faces are level.
"This is the last time you're ever going to dare look me in the eyes, you hear me?"
Lily nods frantically, desperate to avoid another beating.
"Good. Keep your eyes on the floor where you belong and your dirty blood to yourself. You don't deserve to be here and it's time you knew it."
He takes her wand from her weak fingers and stands. Footsteps.
"Petrificus Totalus."
Her limbs lock in place, curled and cramped as they are.
"And one last thing," calls Rosier from the door.
Lily is helpless against the parting jinx. As the pain washes over her frozen body, she hears them shut and lock the door behind them.
She's alone again in the dark.
If anything, she's grateful for the body-binding curse. Her lungs can't seize in panic. The tears that had gathered in her eyes fall, but no more take their place. Her ducts are just as paralyzed as the rest of her.
There's nothing to do but wait, yet again, for morning. Or at least for the binding curse to wear off. She strains to remember what she's read about the spell, how long she can expect to lay there, vulnerable. Her brain refuses to cooperate.
Time passes with no change. Lily's tempted to rest, but she's afraid to close her eyes and risk Rosier and Wilkes returning to find her even more helpless. She's afraid she might see them in her dreams regardless.
Eventually, Lily slowly regains the ability to wiggle her fingers and toes. The rest of her body follows soon after. It takes her a moment to get her limbs to move at her command but she eventually manages to stumble to her feet and over to the door. Still locked. Unsure of the time or even how deep in the dungeons she was when she was grabbed, she raps once on the door.
When neither Rosier or Wilkes show up to petrify her again, she begins to bang and yell, making as much noise as her dry throat and sore limbs can handle. She stops after a while to catch her breath, and in that brief moment of silence, someone speaks.
"If we let you out, do you promise not to be a flesh-eating ghoul?"
In her frantic state, Lily recognizes the voice but can't place it. She is able to choke out a laugh at the words, though.
"I don't think ghouls eat humans, but yes! I promise."
With a muttered spell, the door swings open. Lily finds herself face to face with Sirius Black and James Potter.
They stare at her with wide eyes. She's sure that she must be a frightening sight, but at least she isn't a ghoul.
"Evans?"
"Alright, boys?"
"What happened to you?" asks Potter hoarsely.
Fearing an imminent breakdown and not wanting any witnesses for it, especially not these two, Lily tries to edge around them.
"It probably looks worse than it is. Just a Slytherin initiation ritual, I'm sure you lot have done similar."
Sirius Black had once told her that he didn't care about her blood status, but right now, in this same moonlight, she can't tell these two pureblood boys apart from the last ones.
"No, Evans. We haven't."
"Who did this?" scratches out Potter again. Lily can't remember if they've ever really spoken before this. How embarrassing.
"Nothing for you two to worry about. Thanks for letting me out, but I'd like to go now, so." She tries again to leave.
"Wait a minute! Who did this to you?"
Her eyes fill with tears. She can feel her face crumbling at the show of concern. She can't do this.
"I can't do this!"
She flees, like the coward she is. She's not a Gryffindor, after all.
Lily deems the secret room in the Gryffindor Tower too far and the Slytherin common room too risky, so she hides in a nearby bathroom until morning.
After the cacophony of students pass her by and the hallways fall silent once again as classes begin, Lily emerges and sneaks to her dormitory. On her way through the common room, she catches sight of her wand, lying abandoned on a table. She snatches it and runs upstairs, grateful that Rosier and Wilkes were too stupid to break or steal her wand for good.
When she's finished tending to her bruises, she falls onto her bed and sleeps for the rest of the day.
Voices fill the room and Lily jolts awake with a gasp. Her roommates stare at her in bewilderment.
"Sorry, bad dream."
Enid snorts, a horrible knowing smirk on her horrible face. Somehow, the confirmation of Enid's involvement in the attack doesn't surprise Lily in the slightest.
"Long night, Evans?"
Lily averts her eyes, remembering. "Something like that."
"You okay, Lily?" asks Dorcas with a look of concern. "Potter and Black of all people were asking about you at dinner."
Groaning, Lily rolls over and buries her face in her pillow.
"M'fine. Just tired." she manages through the cotton, then pretends to sleep. She's not sure that she manages to convince them, as she can feel Dorcas lingering for a moment. Luckily, Enid convinces her to come to the library with them and they all head back out the way they came, leaving Lily to fall back into a restless sleep.
The next day, Lily wakes with grim determination. As soon as she's dressed, she heads straight for Gryffindor Tower. She intercepts her targets just as they reach the Hall.
"Potter! Black!"
Potter swings around, Black on his heels, their matching expressions of concern almost comical. They barely even know her.
"She's alive!" says Sirius, a touch too sarcastically for both Lily and Potter apparently, who swiftly punches him in the arm.
"Be sensitive, you oaf." he says.
"No, be nothing. That's what I came here to say. Thank you for finding me, but that's it. Nothing else."
"Evans, we're just trying to help."
"I don't want or need your help. The biggest favor you can do me now is to forget about it," Lily snaps, turning to go. Unfortunately, Rosier and Wilkes decide to enter the Hall right at that moment.
Quickly, Lily looks away, but she can't fully suppress her shudder. Potter, of course, notices.
"Is that them?" He doesn't linger for the confirmation, already in motion.
"No, Potter, don't you d-" but it's too late. He's across the room, wand in hand and curse on the tip of his tongue. Black quickly joins the fray. Lily watches in horror as a fight unfolds in front of her, for her apparently, without her consent.
Before Rosier, Wilkes, or any other lurking Slytherin can spot her, Lily hurries out of the room, firing two stunning spells as she goes. She won't let them muck this up for her more than they already have.
As she rushes down the corridor, looking back to check for a tail, she slams into the only person that she wants to see even less than the four boys she'd just left behind.
"Lily? What's going on?" Severus asks, catching her before she can topple.
"What's going on?" Her voice is high, almost hysterical. "I don't know, Sev! You tell me what's going on. Like what's going on with you? Or Ruth Merray? Let's talk about that!"
"Merray? Who?"
"You've got to be joking."
"I really am not. Are you okay?"
"No! I'm not okay. You're lying to me and I am very much not okay."
She's getting jittery from emotion, but he catches her hands as they fly about before they can inflict damage to either of them.
"Lily! I swear I don't know what you're talking about."
For some reason, the Muggle swear stops her flailing and brings her back to herself.
"You swear to me." Lily looks at him closely as she speaks, evaluating. "On god. That you didn't have anything to do with what happened to Merray last month."
"I swear, Lily. Please tell me what's going on."
She wants to fall to the floor in relief, but the universe is not done with her yet.
"Oi!" Potter and Black storm down the hall towards them.
"I see." Severus mutters somewhere behind her. Everything has gone so wrong that Lily almost expects Rosier and Wilkes to join their party too.
"Great stunning work, Evans. They're out cold."
Lily groans. Of course they are. "I was aiming for you, you good-for-nothing, bonehead Gryffindor twats!"
"Say, that's not very nice."
"Not nice?" Lily hisses. "Not nice, Black, is you two doing the exact thing I asked you not to do! I know everything's a game to you two, but this isn't a lark for me. This is my life and neither of you are a part of it. Please leave me alone."
"Evans," Potter says imploringly. "We're sorry. We wanted to help."
"Well you didn't. Actually, you probably made it worse. So just go away already."
"I-"
"I think she asked you to leave her alone," Sev finally cuts in, stepping up beside Lily.
"Oh great, Snivellus to the rescue."
"I think I have more of a right to than you. You don't even know her!"
"Then where were you last night?"
"Don't bother, James, I'm sure he knew all about it before it even happened."
"Take that back," Severus snarls.
"Why, want to save face in front of Evans? Still pretending that you're not a Death Eater-in-waiting?"
"Stop it!" Lily shouts, trying to regain control, but Sev pushes her arm aside and takes aim.
"Levicorpus!"
With a yelp, Potter flies into the air, dangling by an ankle, his robes hanging askew. Black leaps up after him, trying to pull him back down.
In Lily's first stroke of luck in a very long time, the corridors start to fill with students, drawn by the commotion. Taking advantage of the confusion, Lily grabs Severus and drags him down the hall and out of sight.
"What did you do to him?" Lily hears Black call after them, but she doesn't look back.
Once she's deemed them a sufficient distance from the crowds, she rounds on Sev.
"What did you do to him?" she asks.
"Why? Are you mad at me?"
"No! He deserved it. Thank you actually."
"Oh. Well. I actually invented that one."
"You invented a spell? Why didn't you tell me!"
"It's not like we've had much of a chance to talk lately," he snaps, a little too harshly in her opinion considering his part in the situation. Lily crosses her arms and glares.
"And whose fault is that?"
"Lily, I'm sorry. I've missed you loads."
She gives in easily. She doesn't have it in her anymore not to.
"Me too."
"Are we okay, then?" He looks so hopeful, she can't help it.
"Yeah. We're okay."
They make it to the dungeons without any more traumatizing encounters and Lily fills Sev in on the latest developments. He apologizes profusely for Rosier and Wilkes, but he doesn't promise to do anything more. Lily is grateful for it. He does promise to show her his latest spell work, though. They skip class for the day and hide in the library for hours, talking about everything and nothing.
Somehow, Lily manages to survive the rest of the year. She simply keeps her head down and lives.
She works quietly with Alice in the greenhouses and only talks to Dorcas in class. Even Severus gets the message, spending little time with her where their housemates can see. Potter and Black don't try to approach her again either. In fact, Black has taken to ignoring her completely in class. It's bliss.
Only Benjy, himself just as much of a target as her, braves the backlash. Not that Rosier and Wilkes say anything directly, but Lily can often feel their eyes lingering like a weight around her neck.
The last week of class, Lily and Benjy descend from Gryffindor Tower for the final time that year. He'd finally finished emFrankenstein/em and has been pestering her to read some of Shelley's contemporaries, although Lily still can't be bothered with poetry. Luckily, a group of Hufflepuffs, led by Alice Boathby, interrupt and save her from having to make any more excuses.
"Hey Lily! Great work this year," congratulates Alice warmly.
"Yeah, well thanks for letting me help. I hope the project turns out alright."
"Oh." Alice frowns, disappointed. "I was hoping you'd want to keep working with me."
"Right! Of course I do. I'll see what research I can get done this summer."
"That'll be great, Lily."
One of Alice's friends steps forward then, a girl with a face that would be sure to make Petunia envious. She definitely doesn't need any of Carrie's makeup to stand out.
"Is that Frankenstein you've got there?" Lily looks at Benjy in alarm. Sure enough, he's holding the book in plain sight. "It is! Oh, that's amazing. I have a copy at home but I haven't gotten around to reading it yet," continues the girl, blissfully unaware of the panic that had just hijacked Lily's brain.
"You've got Frankenstein at home?" Benjy asks, ever curious.
"Yes! I'm a Muggleborn as well," she says nonchalantly. "I'm Karen Edwards, by the way. You know, I've heard about what you sold the Black kid. You two could make serious money if you expanded your market to the rest of us. I know loads of Muggleborns who would love to keep up with trends from home. A few of these guys as well," Karen adds, jostling Alice and the boy beside her, who is somehow just as pretty as Karen.
The idea clearly intrigues Benjy, from the starry-eyed look on his face, but Lily's year has erased most of her naïveté.
"Maybe. Anyway, we've got to run. See you, Alice!" Lily has to physically pull Benjy away.
The owls loudly swarm into the Hall the next morning with the post and morning paper. To Lily's surprise, a letter from home drops onto her plate along with them. She wasn't expecting anything else this year, seeing as she'll be back in Cokeworth soon enough.
When she pulls the paper from the envelope, she's even more shocked to recognize her sister's handwriting.
Lily,
Mum is sick. The doctor says it doesn't look good. They didn't want to tell you but I think you should know. Dad will pick you up from King's Cross.
Petunia
Magic gives and magic takes.
A hush falls over the Great Hall. In her confusion, Lily thinks it might have something to do with her own private devastation. She looks around at her classmates, many of whom are clutching copies of the Daily Prophet. Dorcas' wet eyes meet hers from across the table, then she silently passes Lily the paper. There, emblazoned on the front page, reads a headline:
THIRTEEN MUGGLES DEAD, LORD VOLDEMORT AND FOLLOWERS LEAD ATTACK
The voices of children, far too young, build into a hushed murmur. Lily hears students asking each other for an explanation, their words an echo of her own racing thoughts. Who is Voldemort? Followers of what? What's going on? The murmur grows into a roar, punctuated by a large, bloody question mark.
No one seems to have an answer.
Notes:
thanks to Iwik for the review :) it really got me through this absolute brick of a chapter. i hope this update gave you a bit of what you were looking for in regards to lily's future (although she needs to work on her self defense tactics lol)
this year kinda sucked more than i expected when i first planned it. Sorry? Here's to hoping year 3 is better? I'm aiming to stick with weekly updates from here on out, so we'll see on Monday
Let me know what u think!
sidenote: ive been writing a few marauders snippets to keep track of them but I dont want to add them here bc this is lily's story. I may post them as a companion If thats something people would be interested in?