We Gather Stones

by Sadie Blodgett

The Sorting Hat doesn't usually take input from students, but it listened to Harry Potter. And once before that, to his mother. a Slytherin!Lily AU

4. Year Three

Let us take a knife
And cut the world in two-
And see what worms are eating
At the rind.

Tired, Langston Hughes

---

The flowers in the garden behind the Evans house slowly wither, rotting in the dry heat and neglect. Lily's mother follows their example.

Returning home, she hadn't known what to expect. Petunia's letter failed to give too many details, not that Lily would've believed them anyway. They haven't been on the best of terms and besides, Lily had plenty else to fret over during those last few days at school.

After the Daily Prophet had caused a mass panic over breakfast, Professor McGonagall had stepped in Dumbledore's absence to calm the students and escort her house back to their common room. Lily likens the missing headmaster to the vanishing step, always disappearing right when you need him.

The remaining Professors had followed McGonagall's lead, although Lily imagines they had a little more to say to their questioning students than Slughorn, who'd bumbled his way through a half explanation on blood supremacy. A little unnecessary, considering who populates his house. All Lily gathers is that this Voldemort person has stepped up to finally bring the order that Rosier, Wilkes, and the others are always going on about.

It's funny, all this waxing on about blood and purity but no one can explain to her exactly why she's supposedly inferior. Hatred though, as she's constantly learning, doesn't usually accompany rational thought.

Thoughts of the crumbling state of the magical world conveniently block out thoughts of returning to whatever awaits her in Cokeworth. In truth, the worry for her mother doesn't fully strike until she sees her, a shrinking pale figure dwarfed by her own bedding.

Mrs. Evans had never been a large woman. She often called herself and Petunia bird-boned, with their hollow frames and delicate features. Despite this, Lily had never thought of her mother as weak or fragile. Up until recently, her parents had always seemed stronger, taller than anything else. When she'd come home from Hogwarts that first time, she'd been disoriented by the loss of that belief. Now, after the year she's had, Lily would like nothing more than to have that kind of certainty in her parents again, to fall into their arms and let them fix everything. Unfortunately, that magic is long gone.

Her mother motions her over to her bed.

"Lily. Let me see you," she breathes. "Oh, you're so grown! My youngest is a teenager already."

"Mum." Lily whines, embarrassed with her fawning in spite of everything. "Stop it."

"I just can't believe you're so old! Look at you, you're beautiful."

"Thanks, mum."

Petunia clears her throat in the doorway, balancing a tray of tea on one arm, her face carefully blank. Lily hasn't seen her since Christmas and she quickly catalogs the changes. Her sister has definitely grown more into her features in that time. Her hair falls in deliberate waves and she's applied some sort of makeup to highlight the pleasing parts of her face.

"Hi, Tuney," she offers.

"Lily," she accepts, although not with much warmth. "Mum, tea? You need some liquids."

"Sure, dear, set it here and sit with us."

"I've got to run actually, I'm meeting Vernon's parents tonight. I just wanted to check on you before I head out."

"His parents! That's moving rather quickly, don't you think?"

"No. I don't think so," Petunia says crossly, withdrawing from where she'd been adjusting their mother's bedclothes. "I'll be home later. Lily, try not to over-excite her."

With a nod in Lily's direction, she retreats.

"Over-excite? What year does she think this is, the 1800s?" Her mother complains, rising a bit on her pillows to sip at her tea.

"She's just worried for you, Mum. I am too."

"There's no need. I'll be fine." Lily watches her fingers shake against the weight of her mug, sloshing a bit of tea over the sides. "Come sit, I want to hear all about your year! What's the latest at Hogwarts?"

She sits on the bed, careful not to jostle her mother's form too much, and selects a couple stories to share. She tells her mother about Alice and their project and Benjy and his books. At first, her mother asks plenty of questions, especially when it comes to Herbology, but as they talk, her eyelids dip and her breathing steadies. Lily catches the now empty mug before it topples and gathers the rest of her things, before softly treading out the door.

She finds her father downstairs, sitting alone at the kitchen table. He stares at the clock mounted on the wall wordlessly. Lily stays with him, washing her mother's mug, then moving to the teetering tower of dirty glassware left in the sink.

She waits for him to say something, just as she had on the drive home from King's Cross earlier, but he never does. The secondhand ticks on.

---

The days pass, though no events or notable memories exist to mark them. The Evans family cohabitates in an odd sort of limbo, waiting in dread for the inevitable. Lily's not sure if she longs to escape to Hogwarts or to stay in this moment, in Cokeworth, forever.

Petunia, at least, manages to keep moving forward. She starts bringing Vernon Dursley, her boyfriend Lily learns, over often, to no one's particular joy. He's a loud man in every way, from his voice to his stature to his demeanor. When he laughs, which fortunately isn't too often, it booms throughout the house. Despite this, Lily finds him exceptionally dull, but in that self-important way that some boring people share, as if they pride themselves on being as uninteresting as possible.

Their father tolerates his presence with ease, although he seems incapable of doing otherwise. Mostly, he listlessly wanders the house, watching the clocks and fixing things that broke years before. Lily hasn't even seen him touch a book since she's been home.

At first, she'd tried in a myriad of ways to engage her family. Records were played, meals prepared, books given. Unfortunately, all of them refuse to join her in the reality where Christine Evans lay dying upstairs. Eventually, Lily gives up, leaving them to their delusions in search of her own. So, Petunia dates, their father wanders, and Lily retreats.

Luckily, Severus has distractions aplenty. He's been hard at work trying to recreate his success from the Dangling Jinx he'd invented.

He tries to teach Lily, but she's a bit wary.

"All your ideas… they don't have much practical use, Sev." Lily says, looking over his notes on the ground as he picks grass distractedly beside her.

"That's not what you said when I saved you from Potter last year," Sev drily observes.

"You have me there. What's this one for?"

He leans over the paper to see, close enough for her to notice a fading green spot on his left forearm. He looks up and startles at their closeness, abruptly backing away again.

"I uh, I came up with it once when I wanted some peace and quiet. Probably after Herbology," he mutters the last part, before finally looking back at her. "But, and you'll like this, it would be able to keep an opponent from launching a counter-attack in a duel."

"That's really impressive, Sev."

"That's only if I can get it to work, though."

"You've got the incantation, Langlock, so why's it not casting properly? That's what I don't get about all of this spell creation stuff."

"The words, the movement matter, but in the end it's all about intent. Really powerful magic is like that too, the Unforgivables for example."

"So you've just got to really want someone to shut up?"

"I think, yes, with the correct movement of the wand. We'll see."

Even after he sways her, she can tell that she's not much help. Lily's magic has always felt more intuitive, like it might work better without her wand in the way. She likes her hands directly on the ingredients of magic rather than having it diluted by all the complicated words and techniques Sev likes to hide behind.

---

Despite everyone's efforts in ignoring it, Christine Evans continues to deteriorate.

Near the summer's end, she gets it in her head to join her family for dinner. Vernon is over, of course, and she's determined to have a good chat with him. Lily, her father, and even Petunia try to convince her otherwise but it's no use. The Evans' brand of stubbornness is both a gift and a curse.

The girls help their mother dress, divided in most things but not this. Lily finishes pulling back her remaining hair and Petunia slides a knit shawl around her shoulders, she gets cold so easily now. Finished, they admire their work. Petunia steps in quickly to blot some blush on her cheeks, and then declares their job complete.

"You look stunning," Lily lies. Her mother looks like the skeleton of a housewife who has decided to go skiing.

"Don't exaggerate, Lily," she warns teasingly. "Now, let's get this old bag of bones downstairs."

She's grown morbid in her illness.

They call their father up to help and together, the four of them, take on the stairs. Somehow, despite their awkward, unwieldy descent, they all make it to the bottom alive.

Her mother sits through the entirety of dinner, picking at the inexpert meal Lily had put together, and tries to keep up with the conversation. Vernon drones on and on about his career plans, so there's not much she can add, but the attempt is there. Just for a moment, the Evans family feels whole again.

Then, Lily's mum stands to collect dishes, forgetting herself. Her body folds beneath her, crashing to the floor.

Petunia screams. Someone, Lily maybe, has knocked over the bottle of Merlot.

Everything happens quickly after that. Vernon, oddly, reaches Christine's side first. Her father is on the phone, Petunia grabbing the keys to the family car.

Lily can't move. Vernon's shouting orders at them all but she can't make sense of the words. Something to Petunia about his car being faster. They all rush but she can't move.

Red seeps across the tablecloth.

Petunia notices Lily then, frozen beside the wine stain.

"Can't you do something?" she accuses pointedly.

Lily's mouth opens and closes wordlessly. Can she? She doesn't know anything anymore.

With a noise of disgust, Petunia turns back to Vernon. He and their father lift Christine's fragile form up and out the door.

Lily, finally, tries to stand to follow, but Petunia tells her not to as she goes. There's no room in the car. They'll call when they can. The door closes quietly behind her.

Headlights flash across the wallpaper, then they're gone.

Lily stays, staring at the deserted table for some time. When the mess doesn't resolve itself magically, she decides to clean, not wanting her mother to come home to a dirty kitchen.

When she finishes, a spotless kitchen in her wake and no more distractions to be found, Lily resumes her vigil, waiting for the call.

For some reason, in the wake of everything, sitting alone in her empty house, Lily wishes she could talk to Sirius Black. In this moment, she thinks he's the only person in the whole world who could understand.

She goes in search of some spare parchment and writes him a letter.

Black,

I know this might be a shock, receiving a letter from this sender. I hope you've learned to read since we last spoke, or have your House Elf handy, otherwise you can go on and throw this out (if you haven't already).

If you're still reading, I want to apologize for what happened at the end of last year. I know you and Potter were only trying to help. The thing is, your brand of help was very much unneeded. I had the situation handled. Anyway, I'm sorry for letting Snape jinx Potter and force the rest of us to see his knickers.

Moving on. I don't know why I'm writing to you now.

My mother is sick. My sister hates me. I don't get any news here, but I'm assuming the Wizarding World is still going to shit. I'm really struggling for a silver lining right now, but I don't think there is one. Please tell me there is one.

Or just tell me to stop whinging. That seems more like your idea of comfort.

How's your family?

Evans

Fortunately, Benjy's owl still lingers, waiting for another response for its owner, and Lily sends him off with her letter without letting herself think on it any further.

Petunia calls later that night. Christine Evans will be home again soon, damaged but not dead.

Lily never receives a reply to her letter.

---

One of her last days at home is also one of her mother's last good days. They'd been able to move her outside and they sit, amidst the dying flowers, and talk.

"Do you think Tuney will marry him?" Lily asks.

"God, I hope not."

"Mum! I don't think you can say that."

"She's not around is she?"

"No," says Lily haltingly, peering around them to make sure.

"Then of course I can say it. I'm her mother, I know best."

"Why don't you think he's right for her?" Lily has her own thoughts on the matter, but she'd like to hear her mum's first.

"He's too set in his ways, he'll never let her discover the world for herself and she'll never try while she's with him."

"I don't understand."

"You think he's boring, right?"

"I think he's awful."

"He is that," her mother says, laughing. "And he'll want Petunia to be that way too. But, the truth is that no daughter of mine is boring."

"I guess." Lily is doubtful about that. "Have you said any of this to Petunia?"

"She's not ready to hear it yet. She likes him— or the idea of him— too much right now."

"God knows why."

"I missed my chance with her so I'll tell you now while I can. Never love someone for who they are, choose them for who they'll become and make sure they do the same for you. You want to be with someone who tends to you as you grow, not plucks you when they decide you're ready."

"The plant metaphors, Mum! They've got to stop."

"Ah see, that comes from the man I chose to love."

"About dad," Lily starts, then stops.

"I know, dear. I know."

Her mother takes her hand and tells her how to tend to the garden, talking her through each plant. Lily savors every word, and when they trail off into exhaustion, sits with them. Daylight begins to fade, but she and her mother stay out and watch as the first leaves of autumn begin to fall around them.

---

Hogwarts has grown darker over the summer.

The castle Lily returns to, after a long and painful parting in Cokeworth, has changed in her absence in some small, almost imperceptible way.

For the first time, clouds gather in the Great Hall, blocking out most of the stars. Candlelight still dances across the tables, but dimmer. Even the ghosts and portraits have noticed the shift, chatting less to the students and keeping to themselves.

At the feast, Lily mentions this to Dorcas, Severus sitting with his other friends down the way.

"It might have to do with what happened this summer," suggests Dorcas, eating calmly across from her.

"What? What happened?"

"The attacks?" Lily just looks at her blankly. "Oh! You don't have a Prophet subscription. Well, you remember that first one, that Muggle massacre at the end of last year?"

"I'm not likely to forget. Voldemort or something, right?"

Dorcas glances around them furtively, then leans in to Lily.

"Right, but don't say his name so loudly," she answers in a quiet voice. "You never know how people will react around here."

"There were more then, this summer?"

"Yes, but not just Muggles this time. He hit a few Wizarding families, too. Some of them had strong Muggle ties, others were just really outspoken. None of them were well liked, so there's that."

"Dorcas!"

"Okay, sorry. It's just easier to act like everyone else," she apologizes wearily, hands digging into her scalp. "My dad's definitely worried but as far as I can tell, no one else is. The Ministry, the Prophet, my mum; they're all saying the Death Eaters are just a weird fringe group and they'll either be arrested or collapse on their own. But, the thing is, I know about half of our class agrees with them and the other half's parents actually fund them."

There's too much for Lily to unpack in that. How could she have gone all summer without any idea that people were dying.

"How many were killed?"

"This summer? Six wizards confirmed dead, another three went missing."

"And the Muggles?"

"I'm not sure, I'm sorry."

Lily nods, thoroughly uninterested in her meal already. She stabs at her slice of turkey with vigor, wishing she could picture Voldemort's face. Although, if Dorcas' suspicions are correct, and they usually are, she could easily imagine any number of her fellow Slytherins in his place.

---

She's glad to find Benjy equally in the dark and equally upset about it. They retreat to the Gryffindor Tower after the first day of class to catch up, but it quickly devolves into a mutual rant.

"This is ridiculous!" Lily cries, tossing a crumpled, month old issue of the Prophet across the room. "Do you think every other Muggleborn is just now finding out about this too?"

"I think so. I was talking to Eliot Clearwater today, he overheard Karen Edwards in their common room complaining about it. Did you know there's actually legislation against Daily Prophet distribution to a primarily Muggle household?"

"Dorcas told me. It's like they want us to cut off the Muggle world to join theirs but they don't actually want us to know anything when we do. It's infuriating."

"No argument here. Clearwater says it's been like this forever, at least in Britain, but the violence is fairly new. I wonder if there's a history book on this… I suppose it would be useless to ask Binns, not if I want to avoid being trapped in his classroom forever."

"There's a lot of input from Clearwater today," Lily notes, glad for a lighter outlet for her frustrations.

She's seen Benjy and Eliot Clearwater together a few times before, usually in the library, gold and ginger hair mingling over some text or another. They'd lucked into several shared periods this year, so she expects this will become an even more familiar sight.

"Hm?" Benjy says, suddenly very distracted by his book. Lily wonders if he realizes that he's holding it the wrong side up. "What was that?"

"Oh, nothing," she sings. "Only, I wonder what Black will think, losing his number one admirer."

"He's got plenty of others, he won't even notice."

"Speaking of Black, I wrote to him this summer."

"Why'd you do that?" Benjy asks in alarm, sitting up suddenly. "Don't you hate him?"

"I don't hate him. I think he and his friends are idiots, but he's not horrible."

"Well, his family is. Clearwater told me enough about them, too. We should keep clear of him from now on. God knows what he's been using those magazines for, but it can't have been for the advancement of Mugglekind."

"I'm not sure. He seems different from his family. He told me something once..."

"That might be a dangerous mistake to make if you're wrong."

"It doesn't matter, anyway. He never wrote back."

"Probably for the best," Benjy says, reclining again. "Do you think Binns will have anything? On the history of Muggleborns. The more I think about it, the more I think it would be good to know."

"It can't hurt to ask. I'm just not sure how useful it will be."

"Lily, haven't you read anything? Knowledge is power." Benjy stretches over to their growing stack of books from where he lays on the floor. He digs for a minute, paying no mind to the ones that tumble to the ground around him. Finding what he's looking for, he slides two paperbacks over to her. When she sees them, Lily groans.

"I don't see how," she looks again. "Two plays are going to help me out here."

"Maybe you would if you read them. It would probably be a better use of your time than whatever terrifying magic Snape has you working on. What was that one you wrote me about again? A slicing spell?" He shudders dramatically.

Not wanting to concede the point, Lily chooses to ignore him and picks up the first book, an ancient Greek play. She recognizes the subject vaguely, Prometheus. The fire stealer.

---

Despite the state of the world outside of the castle, 1973 brings a cavalcade of new opportunities for the third years.

While their first weekend in Hogsmeade approaches far too slowly for the rest of her classmates, Lily is too ecstatic for her new classes to notice.

Dorcas had forced her to sign up for Divination, likely so she could show off her fortune-telling skills for Lily again. Lily thinks Dorcas might not ever get past how she had saved her grade in Potions last year. Luckily, Lily had talked her out of dragging her into Arithmancy as well and registered for Ancient Runes instead.

Regardless of her efforts, Professor Pythias takes one look at Dorcas as she walks into Divination on the first day and immediately sits her in a lone desk up front.

"I will not be wasting the talents of Aldwin's daughter on the rest of this lot. You'll be working with me," he says as he escorts her to her seat, the rest of the third years completely forgotten by the door.

"Um, sir?" Emmeline Vance, who Lily recognizes vaguely as one of Benjy's housemates, speaks up.

"Oh, right! The rest of you," he waves at the remaining disorganized desks in the already cluttered room. "Sit wherever."

Lily hazily looks around at the space, heavily draped in astrology tapestries and smoky with incense. She selects an empty spot nearest to a window, discreetly waving her wand in its direction and breathing in the resulting fresh air in relief.

Dorcas stares imploringly at her from where she sits, clearly hoping for an escape, but Lily just smirks back. Karma is a wonderful thing sometimes.

Someone throws themself into the seat next to her.

"Thank Merlin, I can breathe again! You're a bloody genius for opening that, by the— Oh. It's you."

A pair of shocked eyes blink owlishly at her behind those ridiculously round glasses.

"Potter," Lily says cautiously.

"Sorry, I- I can move? I didn't realize it was you, sorry, I'll just-" He makes to leave, but Professor Pythias beats him to it.

"Wonderful, wonderful. Settle in everyone and introduce yourselves, these will be your seats and partners for the year." Potter deflates, his bag dropping back to the floor from where he'd just grabbed it. "We're going to get started today with the principles of Divination. Miss Meadows, can you share these with your unenlightened classmates?"

Lily can feel Potter's gaze on her for the rest of the class, alternating between fear and something else that she can't decipher. With effort, she ignores him. Mostly. When she goes to review her notes later, she'll be shocked to find blank parchment.

---

"Can you believe that?"

"I really can." Lily and Dorcas, who practically shakes in fury, walk together on the long trek from the Divination classroom to dinner.

"He did so much sucking up, I thought I was going to have to mop up the slobber after class."

"I did too."

"Simply inexcusable. I'm going to have to write to my father. This can't continue."

"Your dad knows him?"

"More like Pythias knows him. He's a little older and was absolutely terrified when my father graduated and came onto the scene. He got Dumbledore to bring him on as Professor and has been gripping onto this post ever since," Dorcas lets out a wry laugh. "As if my dad would ever want to teach Divination. Pythias and his friends made the subject into a joke, one my dad would prefer not to hear."

"Wait, I thought you liked Divination. Why are we taking it then?"

"I do, it's just not very well-regarded outside of Hogwarts. Astronomy and Arithmancy are the more legitimate alternatives, although if you ask my father, that's just because they're easier for the unGifted. You need the Sight for Divination, and not many have it, especially not Pythias."

"Fascinating," Lily drawls, annoyed now to be apparently taking a class with no worth.

"And what about you? I saw who sat next to you." Lily, who has been dreading this topic, picks up her pace a bit, blessedly nearing The Great Hall. "Oh, want to outrun it do you? Too bad Potter's not here to eat your dust. How do you get stuck with the Gryffindors every year, truly you must have the worst luck."

Lily lets Dorcas gloat the whole way to their table, clearly enjoying making her suffer along with her.

"On the bright side, you can predict his death in a number of exciting ways. The boy's already terrified of you, I saw it, he'll believe anything you say."

"I don't want—" Lily notices something on the table that makes her heart sink further in her chest. "Wait, what's this?"

Both girls lean over a discarded copy of the Evening Prophet. Dorcas swears as she sees the cover.

"What? What does this mean?"

Her friend's grim expression does not bode well. Dorcas tosses back her pumpkin juice to delay the words.

"It means that information just got a lot more limited. For all of us."

Lily rereads the special notice at the top of the page: Daily Prophet would like to announce it's purchase at the hands of the Yaxlee Committee. We welcome our new owners. With their support, we promise to continue to provide the same caliber of timely and quality reporting as usual.

"Yaxlee Committee? Who are they?"

"The full name is the Yaxlee Committee for a Magical Brotherhood, named for their beliefs and founders, Yaxley and Lee. They're a political fund, essentially."

"I'm guessing their politics don't lean in my favor," Lily grumbles, flipping the paper over.

"Definitely not. I'm surprised the Ministry even allowed this."

"These things tend to surprise you a lot more than they do me at this point. Aren't you supposed to have the Sight?" snaps Lily, tired of Dorcas', and the rest of the world's, flippancy.

"Right," Dorcas glares. "I'm assuming you're attacking me out of some kind of misplaced anger, since as I constantly remind you, I am on your side."

The fight goes out of her just as quickly as it came, leaving Lily slumped on the bench.

"I'm sorry. I do know that, Dorcas. I'm glad to have you and your Sight."

Later, Lily tries to broach the subject with Severus to a similar result.

He's keeping her company in the greenhouses, both working on their separate projects. Severus, still having no luck with his tongue locking jinx, repeatedly tries the incantation with various wand flourishes against an ensorcelled mouse, which squeaks in terror at the random flashes of light, to no avail. As a result, both of their tempers wear thin.

"Did you hear about the Prophet?"

"What about it?"

"Some purebloods bought it, apparently."

"Okay, and?" Sev asks testily.

"And? And it's bad! You really don't see a problem with a group of purebloods controlling the main source of information in Britain?"

"Not all purebloods are bad, Lily. Really, I expected better from you— Merlin's tits!" Severus breaks off in frustration, having just experienced a rather nasty mouse bite.

"Not all purebloods are bad, sure, but they all benefit from the same system that suppresses the rights of Muggleborns and other Magical minorities!" She continues her tirade as he sucks on his bleeding finger, blinking at her in bewilderment. "And besides, I know for a fact that the new owners of the Prophet are bad."

"Okay…" he says, slowly lowering his hand. "I can see you're upset, but what am I meant to do?"

Lily doesn't know the answer to that, but she knows it wasn't this.

"Do any of the others, Mulciber and Avery and all of them, do they talk about this with you?"

He looks away before he answers, "No." That's how she knows he's lying. She lets it drop and they work in silence until he finally gives up and storms away, abandoning her and the mouse.

---

The sight of Benjy and Eliot Clearwater does become more familiar as the weeks pass. Instead of resenting this development, Lily grows to enjoy his presence. Or rather, she enjoys the way Benjy reacts to it. She starts spending some time studying with them when she can just to see it.

Clearwater, initially cautious, quickly warms to her. He's a pretty boy, barely ginger with a light sprinkle of freckles across his cheeks. He's also a riot, constantly cracking raunchy jokes in order to get a blush out of Benjy, which is fairly easy for him. Lily, always one to take the mickey out of Benjy, enjoys this greatly.

Soon after her arguments with Severus and Dorcas, Lily seeks their company out in the library. If anyone can lift her mood, it's them. When she finally spots Benjy, she sighs in disappointment. He and Clearwater sit at a table with a crowd of other Hufflepuffs, Alice and her friends included. They all wave her over with overly cheery smiles.

"Lily! How are you?" Karen Edwards asks brightly.

"I'm doing alright, I suppose," answers Lily quietly, off balance.

"Don't listen to her, Karen. She's brilliant. Did you know, I've been trying to consult with Slughorn about my research project, but everytime I mention her, he practically sings her praises. I can't get him to shut up, not that'd want to, Lily," Alice raves.

"That's Lily," Benjy teases, Lily staring daggers back. "A suck up if there ever was one."

"Now, that I find hard to believe," laughs Clearwater, taking in her demeanor.

"Why not?"

"Look at her! She's terrifying. D'you know, I never would've had the nerve to talk to her if not for you."

"Oi!" Lily finally speaks up. "I'm right here and I'm not terrifying."

"That's not what half our year thinks. You're wicked smart and Black and Potter really talked you up last spring. If Potter's scared, then the rest of us have no chance."

"Is Potter really that terrified of her?" Karen cuts in, amazed.

"Oh yeah," adds the beautiful boy with an arm slung around Alice's shoulders. "I heard about this. She pantsed him in front of Binns' entire class. Impressive magic, actually."

"Sturgis, don't encourage them!" chastises Alice, casting a concerned look in Lily's direction.

"I didn't even do that!" Lily yelps in protest.

"Sure," smirks Karen, a new gleam of respect in her eyes.

"Really! It was-" she snaps her mouth shut, not wanting to implicate herself and Severus further.

"Alright, let's cut her a break," says Clearwater, seeing Lily's discomfort. "She may be a scary Slytherin, but she's our scary Slytherin."

"Thank you." Lily daintily takes a seat next to him with a gentle smile only to give Benjy a nasty glare behind his back. Turning back to them all, beaming, she continues. "As you can see, I'm a gentle creature."

The tension breaks and the table laughs. With the attention finally off of her, Lily focuses on Benjy and Clearwater by extension. Benjy notes her sudden grimness.

"You heard?"

"Unfortunately. Ever get that book from Binns?"

"According to him, there isn't one."

Clearwater's attention doesn't waver as they talk, head bouncing back and forth, although there's no way he could know what they're discussing.

"Of course not. I guess we have to just wait and see. Maybe it's not as bad as we think."

Despite Lily's hopes and their promises to the contrary, the Prophet does change. To some, the quality and veracity of their reporting has improved. The Prophet has finally been freed from the shackles of Ministry influence and can print the news as it happens.

After reading a piece on the rise and spread of dragon pox through Muggle exposure, Lily tends to disagree. Unfortunately, the word spreads regardless.

Suddenly, being Muggleborn at Hogwarts isn't just dangerous. Now, it's cause for ridicule too. Lily, Benjy, and the others now hear laughter echoing down the hall in their wake instead of only jinxes, especially after a story on Muggleborn infertility makes its way to page three.

There are some who don't find it amusing, though. Belinda Greengrass, for example, now avoids Lily like the plague. She's even moved her bed to the furthest point in the dorm that she can get from Lily's. Ironically, Belinda had actually been in the Hospital Wing all week after with a mundane case of influenza. It would be funny, if everything else wasn't so awful.

Lily actually dreads Divination after the first few Prophet editions come out under new ownership. She assumes Potter will take advantage of whatever nonsense they printed this morning. She's just heard about his latest prank on Aubrey, Potter doesn't tend to hold back.

When she finally works up the nerve to leave Dorcas' side and take her seat before class, she's shocked when he doesn't laugh in her face. Actually, he doesn't say anything at all. Instead, he sits silently, staring intently at his desk.

"Potter," she prompts, expectant. He jumps in his seat at her words, finally looking up at her.

"Evans! Sorry! I wasn't sure if you wanted me to speak," he blurts, blushing immediately.

"Has that ever mattered before?"

"Yes!" He says quickly, then reassesses. "Well, I never knew what you wanted before. Or, I did that one time. And then I didn't listen to you. So now I'm trying to do that. Be more respectful of your wishes and all."

"That's surprisingly thoughtful, but you don't need to be silent all year. I'm assuming we're going to have to talk at some point to tell each other's futures or something equally bogus."

She's not sure why she's encouraging him, only something about the eager slant to him and the childlike hope on his face wins her over easily. She much prefers him this way than scared of her.

Potter beams at her in response, hand going up to ruffle his already ruffled hair.

"Great! I mean, that's good. Smart of you."

Potter chatters on excitedly throughout the rest of class, but she doesn't regret allowing him to do so. He never once mentions anything about her parentage or the Prophet.

After that, Divination becomes a bright spot in her week, in small part due to the company, but it's a rare one.

Even Dorcas, who tends to avoid this topic of conversation when she can, comments on it.

"I mean, I already knew everyone here is an idiot except for us, but I really underestimated their stupidity. I can't believe they're falling for this drivel," she says as they walk from class, having just witnessed one of their classmates snidely ask Lily whether her spots were from poor skincare or the pox.

"You think they actually believe those stories? I'd assumed they were taking the piss for fun."

"Some are, I'm sure. But most of them, well. I'm fairly sure Emma Vanity meant it just then. And Belinda is scared to death of you now too. Most wizarding families are shockingly sheltered."

"I've noticed that," Lily says as they round the corner.

There, they come across a familiar scene. Mulciber and Avery stand sneering at Benjy and Eliot Clearwater, clearly having just finished some sort of tirade. Eliot looks furious, Benjy bored, although his fists are white where they clench against his thighs.

"Don't you two have anything better to do?" calls Dorcas. "Grades to save, maybe? Surely Dumbledore can't tolerate that many more Ps, Avery, no matter how much money your parents pretend to have."

"Watch it," snarls Avery.

"Meadows, when are you going to give up on the Muggleborns? You of all people should know that you can't protect them forever." Mulciber adds.

"Really." Eliot steps in, voice shaking in anger. "Is that a threat."

"Besides," drawls Dorcas. "Who says I'm protecting them?"

That knocks Mulciber and Avery back a step. They look between Lily and Benjy apprehensively, sizing up whatever threat they think they've overlooked. Luckily, Lily's last pureblood encounter has given her an idea. She lets out a loud cough, really working up some liquid in the process, and fails to cover her mouth. The boys' eyes widen in fear and they stumble back further. Catching on, Benjy joins in, both of them falling into a hysterical coughing fit. Through the film of tears from the effort and suppressed giggles, Lily hears them make their hasty excuses and flee.

All it takes is one look from Benjy for the coughs to transition into uncontrollable laughter. Lily holds her stomach, almost toppling over in her mirth. Eliot and Dorcas gawk at them like they might fear them too now.

"Sorry," says Benjy thickly, wiping away tears. "That was just really good."

"I can't believe we hadn't thought of it before!" Lily crows. Eliot chuckles, finally joining them in their madness. Dorcas allows a small smile.

"Yes, well, I'm clearly the brains of the operation," she says.

"Clearly!" Benjy echoes. "Why don't you bring her around more, Lily?"

"She doesn't play well with others. Besides, if you guys think I'm scary…" Lily trails off, the pride on Dorcas' face proving her point.

"Scary is good. It's useful," says Eliot quietly, suddenly downcast. "I'm sorry I couldn't do more."

"El, no." Benjy straightens, laughter immediately forgotten as he hurries to comfort Eliot. He draws his attention with a soft hand on his arm. "It was enough that you were there and you stayed."

Benjy, a head taller despite his crooked posture, leans over Eliot, whose eyes slowly rise to meet his, petals to the sun. Lily suddenly feels like she's intruding on something private.

"Yeah?"

Benjy's head bobs emphatically. "Yeah."

"Not to interrupt," interrupts Dorcas. "But what're you going to do to stop this from happening again? Eliot and I can't be there every time and not everyone is stupid enough to fall for your little ploy. No offense Benjy, you were much more convincing than Lily."

"Other than that very unjustified dig at my acting skills, you're right," Lily says grimly. "Although, I don't see how we can do anything if the Prophet keeps going like it does. It's not like we can fight everyone who reads it and the second we disprove one lie, they'll just publish a new one."

"What if you forget about purebloods," Eliot suggests hesitantly, still unsure about his place amongst the four of them. "I mean, the two of you are always saying half the problem is the lack of accessibility for Muggleborns. Why not focus on that?"

"That's a really good point." Eliot blushes at Benjy's praise, but he's too busy planning their next five moves to notice. "We need a way to get actual, real news to other Muggleborns in the castle. A way to combat misinformation and provide resources that we're never going to get otherwise."

"We can help them keep themselves safe!" Lily adds, getting excited now. "Tell them who and where to avoid, defense methods, summarize the latest propaganda from the Prophet so no one else has to read it. And we can do it all anonymously."

"This is all very promising, but how?" Dorcas challenges.

Benjy and Lily's eyes meet, brains working in sync.

"Remember, last year with Black—"

"—And Karen Edwards?"

"She said there would be a market, but do you think—"

"—It'll work."

Eliot, more accustomed to Benjy and Lily's preferred form of communication, leans into Dorcas and says in an aside. "Don't worry, they'll explain soon."

"Muggle books!" Benjy exclaims, as if that makes anything clearer.

"We think we can use Muggle books to distribute the news," Lily translates for their audience. "No pureblood is going to recognize the titles, Dorcas you said yourself how ignorant your lot is. We can replace the text and charm the pages, disguise our words unless the reader has a real interest in the original book. It'll take some complicated magic, but I think we can manage."

For the first time, Dorcas looks well and truly impressed. Lily can't pretend that doesn't make her proud.

"There you go then. When do we start?"

"We?" Lily asks, shocked.

"Now." Benjy calls, already taking off in the direction of the library, Eliot on his heels.

---

She intends on including Severus, she really does. With Dorcas involved, Lily's far more optimistic about the people in her life. Besides, he'd be a huge help.

While they had been making major headway since they first came up with the idea, progress has slowed recently. Lily hasn't been able to master the magic needed to determine the intentions of the reader and hide or reveal the text accordingly and she hasn't been able to get Dorcas, Benjy, and Eliot alone to talk it through. So, as she's done since childhood, she brings the problem to Sev.

Severus has been stuck too, still struggling to cast Langlock successfully, so when she sneaks out to find him after curfew, hidden in the dungeons with another curse on his lips, she's not too surprised.

Lily watches him from the doorway for a minute, heart tugging at the sight. As usual, Sev's forsaken a chair for the floor. He sits on the hard tile, long limbs scrambled around him as he pores desperately over his journal.

"Any luck?" Lily announces herself, finally giving up on him noticing her there. He shocks her by simply turning to address her with a bored look. "How long have you known I was here?"

"The whole time."

"Oh. A bit creepy."

"You were the one lurking."

She hums in acknowledgement and gestures at his notes. "Well?"

"Nothing," he grunts, shoving the papers at her across the floor. "I can't get anything to work anymore. Even Lucius has given up on me, he won't even write back."

Lily squats at his side, leaning a bit on him for support as she works to decipher his scrawling writing.

"Muffliatus? Is that what this says?"

"Yes, Lily. Is my handwriting really that bad?"

"It really is. Lucky for you, I am a professional Severus Snape translator. 'Muffliatus,'" she mock reads in a poor imitation of Sev's deepening voice. "'A concealing charm. For secret or private conversations.' Oh, Sev! This actually sounds really helpful."

"Always with the surprise. I've told you, all my spells so far have served some use for you."

"Yes, well this one maybe more than most! Have you been able to cast it at all?"

"'Course not," he moans, collapsing into her lightly. "I'm a failure, remember?"

"You are not! Do you think anyone else could have come up with one spell, much less all of these? Not to mention Malfoy, an actual graduate that hangs onto your every word. He's probably not writing because he's embarrassed that he has nothing to contribute. Sev, you don't need him half as much as he needs you."

"That's not true."

"Malfoy aside, you're a genius. Maybe your horrible self doubt is the issue here more so than this perfect brain of yours," she argues, forcing him close so she can knock on his head softly. He pulls away quickly.

"Stop it," Sev mutters, looking away. Lily reaches out to apologize, but she's interrupted by the sound of footsteps.

Just one person approaches, steps echoing across the stones to where Lily crouches beside Severus. After-hours. It could be Filch, or a Prefect. Getting caught, a Muggleborn and Half-Blood, and costing their house points would not be ideal.

Sev turns back to her, eyes flashing in alarm. She jerks her head to the left, where they'd be out of sight if anyone were to pass the open doorway.

They scoot noiselessly in that direction, hardly breathing.

"What is it, Mrs. Norris?" Filch, then. "Troublemakers? Students out after curfew?"

Lily grips her wand tight in her fingers, hoping desperately that the cat has somehow found another student out of their beds. The footsteps creep closer. A shadow fills the entryway.

Without thinking, Lily tugs Severus further back, pulling him behind a large desk, and lifts her wand.

"Muffliato!" she whispers in a panic.

The footsteps stop. Lily and Sev stay frozen in their hiding spot.

"Mrs. Norris?" Filch calls, voice raised. "Anything?"

They still don't move. Sev stares at her, body tense but face slack in shock. She stares back, just as surprised.

A disappointed grunt sounds and Filch audibly moves away. Sev and Lily stay in place until the sound of his footsteps fade completely.

Then, Severus turns to her with a muted victorious shout, still cautious despite the excitement.

"It worked! You did it!" Lily's never seen him smile so widely.

"I did it? We did it!" She cries and tackles him with a hug. Tentatively, his arms circle her back, both of them still shaky with nerves.

He pulls away first, always looking away. Lily reluctantly steps back too, missing the warmth of her best friend already. Physical affection is a rare thing for her, these days. She knows the reason for Sev's aversion all too well though and lets him retreat.

It's not until she's back in her dormitory, lying awake in her bed, that she realizes she forgot to tell Sev about their idea.

---

Classes continue, although Lily's lost much of her anticipation for them, having found a much more promising distraction in her work with Benjy and the others. Divination is the surprising exception, although not for the reasons Lily expected.

Currently, Professor Pythias attempts to teach them about Astrology. Lily, already disinterested and fully expecting Dorcas to reteach it all to her later anyway, allows herself to zone out for most of class.

A finger taps her shoulder, so lightly she'd assume it was an accident. Aware again, she turns to find Potter staring again.

"Sorry!" he squeaks. Lily's getting very tired of hearing him apologize for nothing. "It's just, Pythias' finished. He wants us, everyone I mean, to do each other's charts?"

Looking around, Lily realizes he's right. Pythias is seated with Dorcas and the rest of the class quietly chats with their partners.

"Okay," Lily prompts, grabbing her blank notes and quill. He scrambles to do the same. "What day and time were you born?"

She jots down his answers, giving him her own information as well. They silently confer with their textbooks after, mapping the shape of each other as they go. Lily's glad when she finishes before him, giving her a moment to watch him without him staring back.

He really is something to look at. Lily's always thought that, even when he was being dreadful to Severus that very first time on the train. His features suit him, even the wild thatch on his head that he calls hair. His face, brown-gold eyes magnified behind his glasses, shows his every expression and thought. He's a knowable enigma and Lily's determined to solve him.

He finishes her chart, catching her in her observation of him and they both flush.

"Sorry—," Potter starts.

"Stop saying sorry," she snaps. "It's annoying."

"Sorr— Oh," he cuts himself off with a light laugh. Lily is amused in spite of herself.

"I wonder if there's something in your chart that will explain your excessive apologizing."

He glances doubtfully at her parchment. "Not likely, that's apparently a trait I only have around you."

"I suppose I scared you into humility."

"If a pretty girl seeing your knickers won't do it, nothing will."

Sure he's joking, she laughs drily. "I left too quickly to see anything, though Mr. Binns may have gotten an eyeful. Anyway, you're right. You don't have a humble planet in your chart."

"Let me see!" He cries, snatching her notes off the table. Lily lets him, already knowing what he'll find. "Alright, not humble I'll give you that. How do I have this much fire?"

"I find your Leo ascendant particularly telling, you really are a Gryffindor at heart."

"Never thought you were one for stereotypes, Evans."

"Did my chart tell you that?"

"Your chart didn't tell me anything I wouldn't have found out on my own. Astrology is so stupid, all you have to do is talk to someone and you— Oi!" She nimbly reaches over him for his paper, cutting off his rant.

Lily reads it over and silently agrees with Potter. There's not much here that she didn't know already. One thing surprises her, though.

"Hey," Potters says, face now alarmingly close to hers as he peers over her shoulder to read along with her. "Some of these are the same as mine. What d'you think that means?"

She stares at the symbol for Venus, scrambling for an answer. "Better get used to being humbled, Potter. I think we're doomed to hate each other."

"Or the opposite," Potter jokes nonchalantly, moving away to sit properly in his seat again.

Lily blushes for some unknown reason and fails to respond, staring hard at the paper to distract herself. When Professor Pythias finally begins to lecture again, she's relieved.

---

Instead of joining the rest of her classmates in Hogsmeade the first time, Lily had opted to stay at the castle and work on her many assignments, self-imposed and otherwise.

By the time her friends manage to drag her along, snow blankets the grounds. It's Lily's favorite time of the year at school, the wet crush under her feet doesn't dampen the experience of Hogwarts in the wintertime. The snow, and the force that is Dorcas Meadows, finally convince her to visit Hogsmeade.

With Benjy and Eliot on one side and Dorcas the other, she eyes the white-capped roofs excitedly. So unlike the imposing darkness of Hogwarts but equally magical, the town is like a fairytale come to life. Lily walks amongst the buildings and other students, bustling past gripping parcels of varying degrees of oddness, she thinks she finally understands Petunia and her friends' love for shopping. She doubts her sister would like this much, though.

Benjy and Dorcas watch the growing amazement on her face smugly, although they wisely remain silent on the matter.

"Where to?" Eliot asks, oblivious.

Lily opens her mouth to answer, but she suddenly catches sight of something even more exciting than a magical candy shop. She abruptly turns around, face burning. Not quickly enough.

"Lily, what—" A loud yell cuts Benjy off.

"Evans!"

"I see," Dorcas slyly says, just loud enough for Lily, and Benjy, to hear.

"See what?" Benjy demands as the caller, and his entourage, approach.

"Nothing," Lily snarls, still red-faced, as she turns to face the music. James Potter and his friends stand before her, his red scarf and rosy cheeks looking exceptionally magnificent against the snowy landscape.

"Potter, hello," she greets stiffly.

"Evans, I didn't think I'd see you here!"

"And why is that?"

"I dunno, I just assumed you were anti-fun. Must've misread your chart," he teases.

"Your chart?" Benjy prompts, still lost.

"We're partners in Divination," Potter explains. "Going to introduce your friends, Evans?"

"Really Potter? You Gryffindors can't be so above us up in your tower to not know the rest of our year."

"No," says Sirius Black darkly, standing like a shadow over Potter's shoulder. "That's more of a Slytherin thing. Speaking of, how's Snivellus?"

Lily hasn't seen much of Black this year. She's tried not to think about him, especially after her embarrassing attempt at communication this summer. For his part, he's been haughtily ignoring her presence whenever he can and sending her dark looks when he can't. She's surprised that he addresses her now, even if it's not to say anything kind.

"He's around."

"Yes, lurking in the shadows, waiting to strike like the creep he is, no doubt."

"Look in the mirror lately, Black?"

"Alright then," Potter steps in, looking between them in bafflement. "This has been lovely. See you around Evans. Evans' friends."

Black glares at Lily and, shockingly, at Potter, then storms off. Lily, fuming, sees him trip oddly over nothing as he looks at her apologetically before following with a shake of his head.

"Bye Lily," Lupin adds quietly. She smiles at him as he goes, glad to see him in spite of the unpleasant company he chooses to keep, and watches Potter make his way down the street, oblivious to the way that it and everyone on it seems to unfold in his path. If this were a fairytale, the pages would revolve around him.

"I get it now," Benjy says unnecessarily. Lily plots a very unpleasant demise for him and Black, and goes to buy herself some chocolate.

Later, pockets full of uneaten sugar, Lily catches sight of a building that's significantly less magical than its surroundings.

"What's that?" she asks, pointing out the unkempt facade. Eliot follows the direction of her finger.

"It's a pub, Hogs Head. Supposedly awful, but the older Hufflepuffs love it."

That piques Lily's interest. "Let's go in then."

"Uh, Lily?" Benjy asks nervously. "Did you not hear Eliot? It's awful."

"There must be something redeeming about it. Besides, Dorcas is already going in."

Her friend waves from the doorway ahead, smirking, and heads inside. Benjy moans something about awful Slytherins as Lily drags them after her.

The interior is admittedly grimy and the clientele aren't much better, except for one shiny exception. Just like Eliot said, a group of Hufflepuffs sit in one corner, the brightest spot in the room. Among them sit Alice, Karen Edwards, and Sturgis Podmore.

Dorcas leans in from where she'd stood waiting inside the door. "I see you had a plan."

"Of course I did," Lily says over her shoulder, heading for their classmates. Spying her, Alice eagerly calls them over.

"Evans and Fenwick, I know. But who's this?" Edwards asks Eliot, watching Dorcas with a bit of suspicion. Leave it to the Muggleborn to be the only Hufflepuff with sense, Lily thinks. Oddly, Dorcas seems to cower a bit under her stare.

"She's, er, she's our friend. Dorcas Meadows."

"Don't be rude, Karen," scolds Alice, turning to Dorcas with a welcoming smile. "Hello! If you're Eliot and Lily's friend, you're our friend too."

"A pleasure," Dorcas responds diplomatically, looking anywhere in the room but at Karen Edwards.

"Alice," Lily prompts. "We've got an idea we want to run by you. All three of you actually."

"We do?" Eliot asks. Benjy and Dorcas seem to have put the pieces together already.

"We do. Although," Lily pauses to mumble a spell under her breath. "This conversation is for our ears only."

Benjy fixes her with a look. "You're going to teach me that spell later."

"What did you do to them?" Podmore asks, peering around at his mates and the few other visitors to the bar, all of whom now seem completely unaware of the conversation happening in their midst.

"I just provided a little audial distraction. They can't hear anything that we're saying, although they don't realize it. We're just part of the background noise."

"That's impressive, Evans," says Edwards. Dorcas stumbles over her words in her rush to agree.

"What's this all about, then?" Alice asks, leaning in despite the spell, curiosity very much piqued.

"Right, well we know that you lot are unhappy with the turn the Prophet's taken, Clearwater's told us as much."

"Understatement of the century."

"We agree. Muggleborns are kept in the dark about everything and now the little information we get is blatantly prejudiced and usually false."

"So," Benjy cuts in, impatient. "We thought that someone ought to do something about it."

"But what can we do?" Edwards eagerly inquires.

Lily takes one last glance around at these people. Her friends, Eliot had said. Alice peers up at her, face open and kind, Edwards looks excited, Podmore's beautiful features are trustworthy in of themselves, Dorcas stands steadfast at her back, and Eliot and Benjy watch expectantly on her right. She takes the leap.

As she and the others explain their idea; a hidden journal with mostly unbiased information, hidden and charmed to reveal itself only to the students who seek it out and need it; Lily feels the room charge with some kind of energy. She trusts these people explicitly and, more importantly, she believes in them. It's a heady thrill, to trust, to have this kind of collaboration at her fingertips, the kind that can shape the future.

When she finally lifts the Muffliato Charm, the seven of them emerge from the dingiest pub in Hogsmeade with a plan.

---

Lily attends the Quidditch match purely by accident. She wouldn't have gone on purpose, not even after she heard that Potter had made the Gryffindor team.

In fact, Quidditch was something she'd learnt to avoid early on. When she'd started at Hogwarts, she'd been ecstatic to attend her first match. The idea of witches and wizards not only flying on brooms, but doing it for fun had seemed like one of the many mad parts of the Wizarding World that she'd come to love. Instead, it joined the long list of things she'd be shut out of. She'd stood alone in the stands at that first match, utterly lost and unwilling to ask her surrounding housemates for an explanation, paralyzed by her fear of drawing more attention to her blood status. The books she'd found were not written for people like her, and she still never managed to make sense of the game. After a mortifying tumble off of her broom in front of a viscous crowd of fellow eleven year olds, she'd put her interest in Quidditch to bed for good.

Unfortunately, she finds herself at her first match in years after she makes the mistake of leaving the greenhouses with Alice. Her friends, now Lily's too, she supposes, had swept them up on the path back to the castle and before she knew it, she was in the stands surrounded by cheering Hufflepuffs.

From her vantage point, she can see players in red and gold zip about on the pitch, although they move too quickly for identification. The score tips decidedly in Gryffindor's favor, but the students around her don't seem put out in the least and despite her unfamiliarity with the game, Lily allows herself to share in their excitement. She cheers with them and moans in disappointment in time with each Gryffindor goal.

Eventually, Lily manages to adjust well enough to catch onto the commentator, who points out Potter by the number on his jersey. After she spots him, it's hard to tear her eyes away. Dorcas wasn't kidding, he's an amazing player. His nimble frame and confidence make flying, along with everything else, seem easy. Lily's not sure if she envies or admires him for it.

Once, he flies past the Hufflepuff stands, the bristles on his broom almost brushing her face. When he looks back, he drops several feet in the air inexplicably. The other students in the stands gasp in alarm and then relief when he recovers and rejoins the match, but Lily swears he had been staring right at her.

Finally, the Gryffindor seeker locates the Snitch and puts the Hufflepuff team out of their misery, not that Lily would know they'd lost from the look of them. Lily grins wildly as she spies the swarm of players in red crowding the ground of the pitch, shouting victoriously. She imagines a boy with glasses and a breathless smile amongst them.

Caught up in that strange exhilaration, Lily mindlessly takes a detour as she leaves the pitch. With a shout of goodbye to Alice, she approaches the sweaty pile of Gryffindors still celebrating on the field, eyes searching for James Potter.

Before she can get close, a dark figure intercepts her, gripping her by the arms and pushing her out of sight under the stands.

"What are you doing," snarls Sirius Black.

"What are you doing? Let me go, Black," Lily demands, pushing him away roughly. "My filthy Mudblood germs will rub off on you. Do you want a Squib for a firstborn?"

He let's go of her quickly at that, having the nerve to look a bit sorry. "That's not what this is about."

"No? What is it then? You've been ignoring me for months now. What else about my presence could so abhor the mighty heir of the House of Black?"

He glares at her, furious again. "This is about James. You need to keep away from him, Evans."

"I see. Afraid I'll infect him with my impure blood? Dragon pox, is it then?"

"I said this isn't about that."

Lily laughs darkly. "Everything has to do with blood here. You're just too privileged to notice."

"Get over yourself, Evans. Just because you and your disgusting Slytherins can't get past it doesn't mean the rest of us haven't moved on."

"Okay, then why does Potter need to be kept safe from me?"

"You're bad for him. No, not because of your parents, but because of you. I've seen you, slithering around the dungeons with Snivellus like you own them. Making up curses and corrupting each other and my brother in the process. You think you can get away with it because you're a pretty little Muggleborn. But you're just another dark wizard in the making," he pauses, looking her up and down. "Maybe not a great one, but dark just the same. And you're going to get James and everyone else around you killed in the process. If the Death Eaters don't get to you first. Either way, you're dead. It sounds like you've already infected your Muggle family. Save everyone else the trouble by keeping it to yourself."

His words, harsher than any slap, stun her into silence.

"Your blood isn't the problem," he reiterates, teeth gritted. "It's you. Your magic is wrong. I've seen it. Stay away from him."

She refuses to be ordered about, even as she tries to comprehend the rest of what he's saying. "You can't stop me from talking to Potter. Besides, he chooses his friends, not you."

"He's not your friend. I don't know what's between you two but it's not friendship. He's got some weird obsession and you, I don't know why you insist on leading him—" Black stops, catching sight of something on her face. He laughs mockingly. "Oh, you actually like him! Got a little crush, Evans?"

"I do not!"

"It doesn't matter. There's no world where you and him make sense. He knows that."

Lily finally deciphers the bitter cruelty twisting his beautiful features and she's glad for the leverage. "Projecting much, Black? It sounds like I'm not the only one with a crush."

"That's not true."

"Whatever you say. But we both know the truth. Maybe he's not for me but he's also not for you."

His stare is now murderous. "If you come near him again…"

"God, you insist you're not a Slytherin, but you sound just like one."

"And you are one. This is the last warning, Evans." There they stand for a moment, backs pressed up against opposite posts under the shadow of the Quidditch stands, chests heaving and eyes sharpened in hatred.

With one last furious look, Sirius storms off, fists shaking at his sides. He'd successfully unsettled her, but she'd done the same to him.

And yet, Lily's the one left crumbled in the dark, confused and hurt. She distantly hears the Gryffindor team break out in a new chorus of cheers as they leave the field, but she doesn't move until long after the noise has faded.

---

That night, Lily writes a long overdue letter to her mother. She still doesn't know what to make of Black's comments on her magic, but she could certainly use some maternal advice on the other issue.

Mum,

How are you? How's Dad? Are you feeling any better since you last wrote? I think of you every day and miss you both so much. I hope Petunia hasn't abandoned you for Vernon yet.

Nothing too exciting on my end, unfortunately. Classes are pretty much the same. Sev is well, busy but well. I'm doing alright too. You'd be impressed, I'm making friends and I even went to a sporting event! One of my friends practically won the match for his team. I'm not sure if I've told you about him before? His name is James Potter. We're partners in Divination, so I see him fairly often now. He's funny and not as awful as I expected, although he is very dramatic and loud (but not like Vernon loud, his voice is actually tolerable). His smile is nice.

There are other things. He can be quite the bully. And he's not exactly brilliant. Once, I saw him get distracted and walk right into a wall. Also, his best friend HATES me.

I think you would like him. I think I do. Is this one of the times you mentioned over the summer? Do I tend, not pick?

Lots and lots of love,

Lily

---

"Sev?" Lily asks, once again sitting on cold stone in a drafty, unused classroom watching her best friend's mind work. "Is this wrong?"

Severus glances up from his latest notes, brows furrowing. "Is what wrong?"

"This. What we're doing. All this messing about with potions and spells?"

"We're not messing, we're creating," he answers in a lofty tone, drawing himself up further. "How do you think all of the magic we're being taught came about? Someone like us invented it. Why would that be wrong?"

"Do you actually think that our work is suitable to be taught at Hogwarts, though? There are spells… Well there's a whole world of magic out there that they don't tell us about here. Dark magic."

"What we're doing is hardly dark," he scoffs dismissively. "Where is this coming from, Lily?"

"Black said… He said my magic was wrong. That it would hurt people and that I should stay away from—" she stops and thinks better of what she was going to say. "From people."

"From Potter, you mean?" Sev spits. Her shock must show because he continues, "Avery's in Divination with you, not that you'd even notice from the sound of things. He's told me all about how you throw yourself at Potter."

"That's ridiculous."

"Is it, though?"

"It's— I'm—" Lily stutters, fumbling for the right words, for anything to get this conversation back under control. "Potter is beside the point. I don't want to talk about him, I want to know about dark magic. Is that what we're doing? Black, he mentioned my mum… Can it actually hurt people?

"Don't worry, your precious Potter is safe—"

"That's not—"

"Langlock," he snaps, waving his wand unthinkingly. Lily's chokes off mid sentence, tongue now frozen against the roof of her mouth. Severus doesn't notice her sudden silence. "See? Nothing! Did that feel dark to you? Of course not, it's just another useless spell."

He turns away, kicking at his notes and scattering the parchment across the floor. "All of this is useless. How could it be dark when it doesn't even work?"

When she makes a slight noise in the back of her throat, the only noise she can make, Sev's head whips back toward her. "Lily? Why can't you talk? Wait, it worked?" He lifts his wand in shock. "Shite. I can't remember what I did. How did I do it?"

She gazes desperately at him, unable to answer.

"Oh right. How do I undo it?" Her garbled shout seems to galvanize him. "Alright, alright, I'm looking!"

Finally, she can feel movement again and she flexes her jaw.

"I think maybe—"

"No, no. I'm fine now," she cuts in, voice a little odd as she becomes reaccustomed to her tongue. "It's faded. My tongue was frozen, just for a minute. Make sure to jot that down for your useless little notes."

Now it's his turn to beg and he does, hands placating and eyes imploring her to forgive. "Lily, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. I had no idea—"

"No, Sev. I get it now. This may not be dark yet, but it's still not right. That didn't feel good, Sev, not being able to speak or to defend myself. Especially not coming from you. You had no counter-spell, what if the magic was more long term? What if it worked differently than you thought? You're creating these, these spells with no regard for how they work or how they'll be used. Or, more importantly, who'll be using them! Sure, they're mildly safe with us now, but how long until Rosier or Wilkes get a hold of them? Or when Voldemort and his creepy followers start using your own spells against you? No, there are too many risks. I'm done."

Lily stands and swiftly makes for the door, unable to stay any longer. She doesn't look back, knowing that one glance at his diminutive form, brought low by her of all people, would stop her in her tracks. Lily feels no guilt as she goes.

---

A response from her mother comes swiftly, clattering onto her empty plate at breakfast the next morning. She's been unable to muster an appetite lately, with discarded Prophet copies disparaging her very existence scattered around her and her recent confrontations with Sirius Black and Sev weighing heavily on her mind. Even the extra warmth of the recently added holiday decorations, which she now realizes must be the work of the elusive House Elves, do nothing for her.

A letter from her mum might be just what she needs, and she rips it open without regard for the envelope.

What she finds inside brings her back to the year before, and then the year before that. Petunia's neat penmanship, a perfect sheet of parchment, a tidy sentence spelling out Lily's latest devastation. After reading, just before the initial wave of grief sweeps in to wipe out everything else, Lily marvels at her sister's ability to put the massive loss of their mother into just a few short words. Perhaps St. Agnes has served Petunia well, after all.

The rest of the day slips through her fingers, lost to the tide along with any remaining thought for her life at Hogwarts.

She's not sure if she finds Professor Slughorn or if he comes to her. She must have taken the time to pack her trunk, although she can't remember what she put in. Lily doubts that any of her robes would be suitable for a funeral anyway. She thinks she must have misplaced her sister's letter sometime after that, along the way from the common room to the Hogsmeade station and she desperately wishes for it on that solitary train ride home.

Vernon Dursley sits waiting outside of King's Cross, stalwart in his tan Ford. Lily's never been so glad to see him and she's certain she'll never be again.

The trip to Cokeworth lasts forever and takes no time at all. She savors every one of those last few delusional minutes, the idea of her mother alive and waiting playing through her mind like one of Schrödinger's pets.

But the box has to open. Vernon Dursley shuts off the engine, pulling her forcefully back into reality.

Inside her house, Lily finds her father sitting at the kitchen table, a broken mirror image of the summer. She sits next to him, expecting to silently join him in his communion with the clock. Instead, he looks over at her, expression vacant.

"Welcome home, Lily."

She's not sure what to say to that, what to say ever again, so she doesn't. Lily doesn't speak until the funeral.

---

The black dress hangs off of Lily's frame. Petunia had left it on her bed that morning, leaving early without a word to prepare for the funeral and Lily regrets wearing it now. One sleeve slips off of her shoulder as she stands from the pew and follows her remaining family to the narthex, where they're meant to wait until the final procession and burial.

The service has come and gone and she's ready to fall back onto her mattress and hide under her blankets until January.

Unfortunately, there's a long line of people to thank and a table of snacks between her and the door. Lily's not sure what about a funeral makes people want to eat. The idea of food, of anything but sleep, makes her feel ill.

She drags her feet to her sister's side, resigned to her fate. Faceless, nameless Muggles shake her hand and offer their condolences. Ashamed by how few of them she recognizes, Lily tries and fails to remember the last time she'd joined her family at church or at the store. She can't pinpoint the exact moment it happened, but somehow, somewhen, Hogwarts and the people in it had overtaken Cokeworth in her memory.

Next to her, Petunia stands firm, greeting each person by name before they even offer it. Lily attempts to follow her example until she sees someone that she knows far better than Petunia does. Better than anyone.

A lone figure, far more suited to black than her, approaches, head down. His hair, stringier than usual, falls about his face, but Lily can read him easier than any book in spite of it. His downcast eyes meet hers, an apology on his lips, likely thinking of the last time they'd spoken. None of that matters now though. Severus came.

She steps away from her sister and into his arms. For once, they enfold her easily. Unfortunately, in the safety of his embrace, she feels the grief swell again. Lily steps away quickly in an effort to stop her sobs and discreetly wipes away the few tears that escape.

"Sorry, I don't know what that was. I'm just so glad you came, Sev. Really, thank you," she gushes, pulling him back into the nave, deserted aside from the coffin awaiting transport. He keeps hold of her hand, even after they stop moving, and peers desperately down at her.

"Lily, before you say anything, I wanted to tell you that you were right. About our fig— talk, what you said about the spells, even some of the potions, that I was working on. They're dangerous, especially if they fall into the wrong hands. I was playing with fire, getting ahead of myself, but I'll stop, I have stopped. For you."

"No, I'm sorry, Sev. I was wrong," Lily entreats, her voice straining to get past the sob building in her throat. "I was so wrong. You weren't just playing around, you were trying to change things." She trails off, her searching gaze finally settling on the too black coffin across the room. "That's more than I ever did. With all my plans and ideas, I never even tried—" she can't continue, finally losing the battle against her tears.

"Ah, Lily, no. There's nothing you could've done."

"I'll never know that for sure though," Lily argues, roughly brushing the wetness from her cheeks. She's surprised to find more comfort in her anger at herself than his words. "I'm not going to let this happen again, Sev."

"Okay, then. We won't let it."

Her lips tremble at his unspoken promise, but her nod is firm.

---

Despite her newfound agreement with Severus, Lily still can't bring herself to tell him about the secret paper, or the Journal as Eliot had dubbed it. Although she's more determined to continue with it than ever in the wake of her grief, Lily doesn't think Severus would approve. She's not sure why, or perhaps she does know but doesn't want to think it, but Severus wouldn't agree to such a high risk, low reward project, especially one that would set him at odds with most of their house if his involvement became public.

Instead, for their remaining time in Cokeworth, they bury themselves in theoretical magic.

Although Sev's ideas still lean into violence more often then she'd like, Lily's able to pull him back from his worst tendencies. And when she fails, as she does with his latest iteration of a slicing spell, well, who is she to stop him from creating something that might save the life of someone she loves.

Prometheus gave mankind fire and, while the first man might burn himself with it, the next will have learned a valuable lesson.

---

Back at Hogwarts, Lily's relieved to find that the Cokeworth gossip mill has not reached the castle. Although she tells Benjy and Dorcas, no one else knows about her mother.

Except for one.

When she walks into Divination that first week back, a solemn James Potter awaits her. Lily fully expects him to berate her for whatever nonsense Black fed him about their argument before the holiday, but instead he actually tries to hug her.

She leaps back in surprise and immediately regrets it. "Potter— what are you doing?"

"Er, sorry!" He yelps, turning an unfairly becoming shade of red. "It was instinct."

"Why was that your first instinct?"

He turns somber again, lifting a familiar piece of paper to explain. Petunia's letter. "You dropped this, when you left."

"And do you normally go about reading random fallen correspondence?"

"No I–er– I saw you drop it? I just meant to give it back to you when I saw you next, but then you were gone those last few days, and I didn't know what was happening, so—"

"So you read it. And now you know."

"Evans. I'm so sorry," he rushes, almost reaching out again and then apparently thinks better of it.

"It's fine. I understand why you did it."

"No, I mean yes, I am sorry for that too. But I meant I'm sorry about your mum. If you need anything, I'm here."

"Oh." Lily pauses, touched but too terrified to show it. "Thank you, Potter."

The corners of his mouth lift a little and, clearly emboldened by her words, he covers her hand with his own. Every part of her that he touches burns. Overwhelmed, she quickly pulls away, softening her retreat with a smile. Professor Pythias enters then, ever the timely interruption despite his inability to tell the future, and begins class, distracting Potter from making any further endearing gestures.

Other than the anomaly that is James Potter, no one else picks up on Lily's loss over those first few months and she's glad for it. She does, however, have an additional startling encounter with a Gryffindor that spring. Or rather, two Gryffindors.

As per Lily's instructions, Karen Edwards had quietly spread word to the Muggleborn population about the Journal. What exactly, she'd told them, Lily isn't sure. She'd suggested to simply advise the others to keep an eye out for any Muggle literature, although she expects Karen shared more than that. She doesn't strike Lily as the type to hold much back.

Apparently, one of those Muggleborns that she tells is Ruth Merray, because two of her housemates quickly seek Lily out.

She's walking from the library with Alice, quietly discussing the contents of their first edition, when they're interrupted.

"E– excuse me," stutters a large boy with a Gryffindor tie, stepping into their path. If Lily didn't know any better, she'd guess he's a bit nervous, although she doesn't know if she's the cause or Alice. His eyes dart between them, before settling more easily on Lily. Alice, then. "Sorry, but do you two have a moment? Mac and I would like to talk to you."

Now Lily sees Mac, or Mary Macdonald, her long, wiry frame having been completely hidden behind the boy's. She's grown massively over the years, although only in an upwards direction. Her shock of blonde curls are cut fairly short, comically adding a few additional centimetres to her height.

"Alright, what is it?" Lily asks, still guarded around strangers, and justifiably so.

"Not here!" The boy insists quietly, scanning passing students with a suspicious eye.

Mac, catching on to Lily's growing wariness, cuts in. "Sorry about Frank, he's a bit on edge due to a flobberworm crawling up his arse and apparently staying there." She glares at him and continues. "We had a question for you. About Muggle Studies. Would you mind stepping into this classroom and talking it through with us?"

Catching on, Lily and Alice agree, following them into the room and softly closing the door behind, although Lily remains with her back pressed against the exit.

From there, Mac takes the lead, although Lily's fairly sure Frank is older. "Ruth Merray told us about your paper for Muggleborns. We want in."

"Sorry, what?" Lily demands.

"Oh, that's lovely!" Alice exclaims at the same time. Upon seeing Lily's shock and disdain, she tries to backtrack. "I mean, I'm not sure what you mean?"

"It's alright," Frank assures, growing more confident under Alice's gaze despite his reddening cheeks. "We know already, and we agree. Well, mostly. We think you should offer it to all students, not just Muggleborn ones. But other than that, we want to help."

"Let me get this straight," Lily scoffs in disbelief. "You heard about our secret, very dangerous paper. Then, you somehow tracked it back to us, assuming someone didn't just tell you, and decided to just, what, join up? Not only that, but make edits?"

"I'm sorry, Lily. Karen wasn't supposed to tell anyone about us—" Alice starts.

"She didn't!" Mac interrupts. "I mean, she didn't tell Ruth. We tracked her down and Frank, here, made her spill."

"Why would you possibly want to help? Did I mention very secret and very dangerous yet? Let me break that down for you, that means you're far more likely to be hurt than to get any praise or glory. Still interested?"

"Yes!" Frank exclaims.

"Of course we are," Mac agrees firmly. "We don't want glory. We just want to help. Whatever the Prophet's become, it's disgraceful. My mum's a Muggle and I know it's not exactly the same, but I know how hard it is to not be a pureblood here. Even if I didn't personally, Ruth's one of my best friends. It's unbelievable what the likes of Rosier and Wilkes have put her through already."

The mention of her own tormentors melt Lily's already softening resolve. "Fine. You can help."

"And what about my suggestion? Can we tell others, not just Muggleborns?" Frank asks.

"It was a great idea!"

"No." Lily snaps, cutting off Alice's attempt at peace. "Let's not get ahead of ourselves. Maybe, down the line, but right now we need to focus on protecting the most vulnerable students."

Frank and Mac agree with that sentiment. Lily suggests that they meet her at the bookcase around the corner from the Gryffindor portrait hole the next evening and leaves them, stunned, in her wake. She hears Alice start to speak to Frank Longbottom as she goes, but she doubts she'll have much luck. Lily wonders if he and Sturgis Podmore have met.

---

The next evening, most corners of Lily's life, excluding Severus, Petunia, and maybe James Potter, meet in the Gryffindor Tower beside a nondescript shelf of books. Benjy takes great pleasure in the reveal, opening the secret room with a flourish, savoring the stunned reactions of Dorcas, Eliot, and the other Hufflepuffs and Gryffindors.

Somehow, the nine of them manage to fit inside. Lily thinks the room might have grown a bit. She wouldn't put it past a magical castle to adjust its sizing, although she is surprised that it chose to help rather than hinder.

When she realizes the room is silent, everyone looking at her, Lily clears her throat rapidly. "Right. Welcome to the nook. I think you all know what we're here for." They all blink blankly back, although Dorcas smirks at her obvious fumbling. She feels ridiculous, preaching to a room of smarter, mostly older witches and wizards.

"Or you should." At that, they laugh a bit. Lily, voice gaining strength, goes on. "The Prophet's gone to the dogs, almost none of the rubbish that they print anymore is true. It's always been difficult to be a Muggleborn, but they're making it more dangerous than ever. It won't be much longer until the bigots stop hiding from us and our Dragon Pox and start redirecting their fear into action. Voldemort and his Death Eaters are just the beginning. I'd rather not wait around to see what's next, and I don't want any other Muggleborns to be victims in my place. The problem is, we can't jinx their ideologies into oblivion, no matter how much I'd like to.

"We need the thing that they're trying so desperately to rob us of. Information. Not just how to fight back, but how to survive. And then not just how to survive, but to live. That's the biggest rebellion we could possibly make, to live as Muggleborns in the world they've created. We've got the spark here, in this room, of the knowledge needed to do it, but if we want to actually change anything, we've got to light the torch and spread the flame."

Finished, she exhales heavily. Benjy's wide, proud grin tells her all she needs to know.

They set to work on the first issue, divvying up the roles. Benjy and Lily work on the books, starting the complicated charm work they'd spent the better part of the year preparing. The others, led by Dorcas and Karen, a surprisingly capable pair despite Dorcas' odd hesitance around her, work on finalizing the content. Eliot, who'd spearheaded a particularly important piece on pureblood jargon and customs, makes his final edits from where leans comfortably against Benjy's shins. For the moment, the hum of progress, of community, drowns out the tide of Lily's grief, dulled some with the passage of time but certainly not gone. Push and pull.

When they finally disperse for the evening, shoulders drooping in exhaustion, they leave behind fifty completed copies of the Journal, hidden amidst the battered pages of Lily and Benjy's books.

---

Over those final few weeks of term, Karen directs Sturgis, Alice, and the Gryffindors into successfully distributing their first edition. Lily wasn't sure at that grouping at first, but after observing, she's now sure that Karen's drawn the same conclusions as she had about Frank Longbottom, Alice, and Sturgis. That's an issue, along with their second issue of the Journal, that she'll save for next year. Maybe they'll figure it out themselves before then, although after overhearing a bit of Frank's bumbling attempts at flirting and Sturgis' unaware posturing, Lily's not feeling optimistic.

Her own awful crush, because she has finally admitted that to herself at least, continues in the wake of Potter's touching show of sympathy.

Lily equally dreads and anticipates Divination each week, both longing for and terrified of his wholehearted brand of attention. James Potter is not one to divert his gaze or concentration once given and she feels the pressure to meet his standard, whatever that may be. Luckily, Lily thrives best when challenged and prizes every laugh she earns from him.

So far she's been able to avoid running into Potter, and Black, outside of class. Lily's not so naive to think that she'll gain anything from continuing to cultivate these wretched feelings, and not just because his best friend would prefer her dead, but because Potter's never alluded to feeling the same. Mere months ago, her presence scared him into speechlessness, a trait that comes as rarely to him as humility. And while things have changed since then, there's no way a perfectly handsome, good, pureblood Gryffindor would consider someone like her. His opposite in every way.

Yet, every time she catches sight of his smile and his stupid hair, she can't help herself. She so dreads Divination but even more than that, Lily dreads the idea of summer coming to end it for good. But that's what she's decided, to keep her delusions until the end of term and then move on. She tells herself that she deserves that much, at least.

Sirius Black so helpfully decides to speed that process along. He grabs her as she leaves the library alone, close to curfew. She curses herself for her stupidity, she's grown overconfident this year and it's finally coming back to bite her.

"What happened to leaving him alone?"

"Funny, I was just thinking, whatever happened to gentlemen?" She tuts at him, hiding her ratcheting anxiety behind bravado. "Such rude manners. I know they don't teach you to treat ladies like that at home."

"Well?" Black snaps.

"Well what? I never agreed to your ridiculous demands in the first place! He's my partner, we have to talk!"

"I don't think talking fully covers what you're doing."

Lily throws her hands up in the air in exasperation. "Why does everyone have spies in the Divination classroom and how do I get one?"

"I don't have a spy. It's James, he talks about you constantly!"

Lily's head jerks back in shock at his admission. "He— What?"

"Not like that." Black says, backtracking furiously. "It's more like pity than anything else."

"Pity?" Her heart plummets painfully.

"Sorry, Evans. With your mum, your blood, the crush and your obvious lack of friends, it was bound to happen. That's just what James does, he collects lost and broken things like toys. Some he keeps," Black motions to himself. "And others, well… He'll move on by next year, I'm sure."

Lily takes a further step back, as if to distance herself from his words. She shakes her head. "He knows that I like him?"

Black's figures contort into something like regret. "Of course he does. I took one look at you and knew, didn't I? And he's been spending time with you all year."

"Oh." Her heart beats, barely, somewhere far south of her chest, her toes maybe.

"I didn't want to tell you all this, I'm sorry. I did warn you. Maybe now you'll listen."

"Yeah."

He turns to go, then stops. "And Evans? Whatever you do, do not write to either of us this summer."

"I wouldn't," Lily says, mustering some pride. "Three years here have taught me not to stay where I'm not wanted, thanks."

Black finally leaves her, and she shuffles to the wall to recover before attempting to make it to her common room without any additional encounters, although not even Rosier or Wilkes could faze her right now.

Remus Lupin finds her there a while later, wiping the last remnants of her heartbreak from her cheeks. Lily almost groans, not sure she can handle another of Potter's friends tonight, even a good one.

"Lily?" he calls, rushing to her side in concern. "Are you alright?"

"M'fine," Lily answers, voice muffled beneath the hand she uses to hide the evidence to the contrary.

"No. You're not. What happened?"

"Just another pleasant encounter with your roommate."

"James made you cry?"

"No! Well, not exactly. It was Black, obviously."

"What did he do to you?"

"Nothing I won't recover from, don't worry. No need to cause a fuss with your friends, I know you hate that."

"But I would say something, Lily, if I needed to. You know that right?"

She pauses, taking a minute to examine him. His sandy hair and soft features lead into a lean frame. He looks like a breeze might blow him over at any moment, but for some reason, she believes him.

"I do know that, Remus. I'm sorry for being rude, I'm just in a bit of a state as you can see."

"I can. Can I do anything to help?"

"That's okay, thank you for offering. You caught me just at the tail end of it."

His lips tighten in sympathy. "Sirius can be a right arse sometimes."

"You don't know the half of it."

"I think I know more actually," he says with a wry grin.

"Ah, yes. I forgot you have the luxury of living with him. I'm not sure how you manage."

"With grit and determination," Remus jokes, then hesitates. "Lily, I hate to defend him, because he's most definitely in the wrong here, but maybe it might help if you understood a little more about him?"

"Go on."

"He's got issues at home." Lily has to physically restrain her eyes from rolling. "I know, we all do, but it's very bad for him right now. He doesn't tell us a lot but, you know all that Death Eater stuff? Imagine if you lived with them. Imagine if they raised you. You'd probably have a pretty warped sense of love. And James, he's the only good thing Sirius has. If I had to guess, whatever Sirius did, he was doing it out of love. A fucked up, possessive version of it, but love all the same."

"That doesn't excuse what he said."

"I know. I'm sorry. And I doubt he'll ever apologize, but I'm sure he's already sorry too.

"Thanks Remus. I really appreciate this. I missed you this year, y'know."

"Me too."

"Write to me this summer?" She offers unthinkingly, shocking the both of them.

"Definitely."

---

For the few remaining Divination sessions, Lily retreats back into the tidy Slytherin shell she'd been at the start of the year. Potter, clearly baffled at her change in behavior, pesters her constantly at first. She hates it, hates him and can't help but snap at him after a while. After that, he finally seems to get the message and leaves her alone.

The last day, Lily stands to leave in relief. She can't believe she used to dread the idea of her enforced time with James Potter coming to an end. Thinking back on Black's words, she supposes he probably feels the same.

A hand shoots out, grabbing her by the wrist and halting her escape.

She follows the length of the arm to find James Potter attached. "What?" she demands impatiently.

He blinks at her, the hurt in his eyes magnified by his round lenses.

"Sorry Evans— Oh sorry. I know you hate it when I apologize." He awkwardly laughs, waits, and when she doesn't join, goes on. "But I think I should anyway. I'm not sure what happened to make you hate me again, but I am sorry. And I'm still very sorry about your mum and about what happened last year, even. I won't tell anyone, ever, about either. That's your business. But I want you to know that I care and I'm always an owl away if you need to talk."

She keeps her features blank as she listens to him lie to her face. It helps to imagine the way he and Black will laugh about this together in their dormitory later.

"Is that all?"

"Er, yes?"

"Then goodbye, Potter. Have a great summer."

Exiting the classroom with Dorcas, a weight falls off of her shoulders. Lily feels nothing for James Potter. Not even hate. He's just a boy who didn't like her. There will be countless more of those, and she's sure they'll hurt her a lot more than the one she leaves behind today.

People rush by her excitedly as they walk, but she pays them no mind until Dorcas points them out.

"Maybe they're just fifth years really happy to be done with exams?"

"I don't think so," Dorcas says in a foreboding tone.

They pick up their pace, changing directions from the dungeons to the Great Hall, where a frantic Benjy awaits them.

"Lily! Dorcas!"

"What's going on?"

"It's the Journal, c'mon, see for yourselves."

He hurries them further along the corridor to the library, breathless in his panic. Inside they find piles and piles of Muggle books, spread open across almost every table in the room. Students of every house and age stand over them, and their reactions range from fascinated to furious. Lily's never heard so much noise in the library before and upon further inspection, she sees why. Madam Pince is nowhere to be found.

Lily turns to her friends. "How?"

Benjy shrugs, for once without an answer. "I think we have a snitch."

"A what?" Dorcas asks in confusion.

"A rat." Lily clarifies. "Someone told. And now the secret's out."

The three of them stand there in the doorway, observing the chaos they'd indirectly created.

"You wanted a fire, Lily," Benjy says. "Here it is."

---

notes:

Iwik: youre so right about alice…. I completely forgot! Oh well, it serves the story better this way hopefully. Excited to hear your thoughts on this one!

Jily has entered AND exited the building already. They'll be back, no worries. In the meantime you may have noticed some other ships…? And before anyone says anything im sorry about sirius! He's canonically a jealous/possessive meany and i think he's actually a great foil to snape but he will redeem himself! Im sorry, i love him too!

I also apologize for the delay on this chapter. i got a new job and it's the holidays so y'know, free time is nonexistent. I'll probably be posting every other week from now on. Also, i'm going to focus on getting the next two chapters out (by christmas hopefully?) before I publish any marauders content on the side. Hope that doesn't disappoint anyone

Please let me know what you think?