Sheriff vs. Agent

Chapter 20 Laying it All on the Line

"Roger, I need to say something to you." She squeezes his hand even more firmly.

He softly smiles at her. "I'm listening, sweetheart."

88888888888888888888888

"Roger, I need to explain something to you. Before we get any deeper. It's only fair."

"Kens, I-

"Please listen, please."

"Ok, I will. Go on."

"I've had five major losses in my life. First – my mother left my dad and I when I was 4 years old. My dad raised me, a marine brat. He was my hero, I wanted to be just like him. Among other things, he taught me to shoot. He was a marine sniper; I am the sniper on my team.

"Wow! That's quite an accomplishment."

"Thanks."

"Second – when I was 15 my dad was killed. A drunk driving accident they said. I knew that was a lie, or a cover-up. I told you that I joined NCIS to solve his murder. I did.

"But before NCIS I had my third loss. When in college, I met Jack Simon. Jack was my type – I thought. A marine, clean-cut, squared away, kind and brave. I fell hard and fast. We got engaged when I was 20, Jack 21. We were going to get married after his 2nd tour. He never came home . . . PTSD. I threw myself into helping him. But he didn't do his part-

"God, Kens, I'm so sorry!" They are both crying now.

"Jack didn't take his meds as prescribed. He didn't attend therapy sessions as directed. I considered dropping out of school so I could do more to help him. But then he left me; sometime between Christmas eve and Christmas day - he was gone. In the middle of the night. No note, no letter, nothing. I looked and hoped for a year. Nothing!

"I reacted as you might expect. I built walls around my heart; so high, so thick, that no one could get in. I couldn't take another loss like that. So, I let nobody in. Ever. The best 1st date in town! No 2nd dates; no 3rd dates. I couldn't afford to chance that.

"During that time, I was going through partner after partner. The one who showed the most promise was Dominic Vail. Dom was young, smart, eager to learn and personable. After 3 months, he was abducted. We pulled out all the stops to find him, to no avail. After 3 months Hetty brought in another partner for me (See Deeks below) Eventually we did find Dom; but in a rescue attempt, he was killed. More grief – my fourth loss.

"Then I met Marty. And things gradually changed.

"Kens, I need to make a quick call. I'll be right back." Roger steps out the front door, leaving it open a crack.

After 2 minutes he returns and resumes his seat by her side. He grasps her hand, lacing their fingers.

"Go on, sweetheart." He kisses her cheek.

"The team met Marty when one of our cases intersected with one of his; he was UC for LAPD. As it turned out, Hetty had been keeping her eye on him for some time.

"Hetty brought him on to be a liaison to LAPD, and my partner. Actually, Hetty had a long-term plan. She wanted him to become an agent. And in her all-knowing wisdom, she knew that he and I would mesh beautifully.

"We did! So beautifully that we fell in love!

"Marty was the most patient, persistent, irritating, aggravating, courageous, trusting man I've ever met. And he was just who I needed. He gradually broke down my walls. I would push him away, and he always came back. I was so irritated.

'Just like Marty told me!' Roger thinks.

"He saved my life numerous times. Slowly, we learned to trust each other. It was a slow, steady process; he NEVER failed me! We professed our love and moved in together.

"THEN HE PROPOSED!

"I was scared, Roger! All those losses. I didn't dare go all in with him. Even though he hadn't given me ANY reason to doubt him. I said NO. He asked for some hope, NO. Some time, NO. I could tell that I was holding his heart in my hands and crushing it. I couldn't bring myself to do anything else. Deeks was my fifth loss.

Kensi is sobbing now; he is weeping too.

Roger encircles Kensi in his arms and holds her tight. His warm, steady, comforting embrace is just what she needs right now. It feels so good, so right. Has she found a home, a new (forever) family?

"Deeks recently asked me 'how many good men am I going to walk away from, expecting there to be another down the road?'. Well, I'm done. Walking away that is. If you will give me, give us a chance I really want to try. I really do!"

Kensi stops talking, she just winds her arms around his neck and hangs on, desperate for his answering words. His acceptance.

Finally, he speaks. "Kensi, thank you for all that. It's more than I expected so early in our friendship . . . ah, relationship. I never expected to be ready this soon after . . . you know . . . Katie and I lost Mary. Then you showed up at that sports field, and here we are. Yes, I'll give us a chance; Katie would be really hard to live with if I didn't! But really, I would be willing to move forward with you even without Katie's insistence. So, yes, let's walk forward together."

They cling tightly to each other for a while.

"Will you stay with me? Just hold me, please; I'd rather not be alone right now."

"Yes, but I need to make one more call to let Katie's sitter know that I won't be back until morning. She will be okay with it." He steps out again for a minute, then returns.

They move to the bedroom; Kensi completes her bedtime routine, then slips into sleep wear. Roger relieves himself and strips to underwear and an undershirt. They slide into bed, Kensi on her usual right side. Roger scoots over to hold her close, her back to his chest. He wraps her up securely in his arms. She purrs.

"Good night, Kens."

"Good night, Roger. And thank you."

"Always." 'Do I really mean that? I hope so!'

They drift off into a restful sleep.

888888888888888888888888

MORNING AFTER

Kensi wakens first. She peers at her bedside clock:

06:00 AM

She is more rested than she has been in a long time. She swings her legs out of bed and sits there for a few minutes.

Roger stirs and looks for the time also. "Morning, Kens," his voice is gravely first thing in the morning.

This is different, she thinks. Deeks is usually up first and gone surfing. That was before . . . before it all collapsed. How long will she be comparing this to that? Not long, she hopes.

Roger reaches for his phone. He calls his foreman, and tells him that he will be a little late today. Kensi smiles at that, wondering what he (they) are going to do.

"Do you have anywhere to be today," he asks her.

"No, I'm off work for another week."

"Ok. Shall we have breakfast here, or find a place to eat? Then I need to get go work."

"Let's go to the beach and have some breakfast tacos. Ok?" 'God, Deeks again!'

"Hm, that sounds interesting. A favorite of yours?"

"Actually, a favorite of Deeks. Damn, why do those things keep coming up? I'm sorry-

"Kens, Marty was a very important part of your life for a very long time. I understand that. And I appreciate that. He helped you open up for love . . . and now you and I have a chance to reap the benefits of that. Please don't feel sorry for that."

"Ok."

"Let's get ready and go. I think I'll like the beach, especially with you at my side," he smiles.

She pecks him on the lips and they are off.

88888888888888888888

TBC