Chapter 4

Neelix Felix

(or Lucky Neelix)

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While Tuvok and Paris were busy in the laboratory, discussing ancient torture methods and dealing with a new sticky situation, Neelix was on a mission of his own.

After parting with his "detective partners", as he now called Tuvok and Paris (at least Paris didn't object to it, but he warned Neelix to never put "partners" and "private quarters" in the same sentence), Neelix visited the mess hall. There he checked on how his replacements (a Bolian and a Human Hawaiian) were doing and had a late lunch. No crime investigation should ever prevent a detective from having his meals! It was Chef Neelix's firm belief . Though Neelix had no success in trying to convince Tuvok of that – those workaholic Vulcans, priding themselves on forgetting to eat and sleep when busy! And Tom unexpectedly refused lunch too and went off with Tuvok instead of Neelix. "You traitor…" grumbled the abandoned Neelix to himself.

But soon a bowl of Talaxian ribbed beans, followed by a nicely done replication of Hawaiian poi* with assorted hand-baked cookies, raised his spirits again. He probably should invite Ensign Kamealoha** to help here more often… She sure did well. She was not only a good cook – the voluptuous bronze-skinned brunette with huge dark eyes had the off-duty male crew buzzing around the counter like bees around honey, offering all kinds of help. Neelix briefly thought that they had never offered so much help to him – and hurried out of the mess hall before his mood could drop down again. Not that he was jealous – but he sure could use help more often. Maybe if they work together…

Neelix left his tray on the table – he was sure the Hawaiian princess only needed to say a word, and one of her servants would clean up gladly. And he was in too much hurry – the investigation couldn't wait!

He knew who he could always turn to for commiseration. And anyway, he needed to check the airponics department for anything suspicious as well as for ripe fruit and vegetables.

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Kes was not in the airponics, she must be working a shift in sickbay then. Well, the members of the airponics staff were all Neelix's pals, so anyone would do to vent out his troubles.

Right now, though, not a single humanoid soul could be seen in the large airponics hangar, anywhere between the rows of shelves. Only water was dripping and leaves rustling, and lights of various spectrums blazing bright or shimmering slightly. Neelix plucked a couple of berries from a nearby bush, stuck his tongue out disgustedly at the sour taste (not ripe!) and walked along the shelves, calling for "anybody here?"

No one cared to answer his call. Neelix was about to get seriously sulky about how people again tended to ignore him doing his job – when a small figure appeared at the far end of the aisle and quickly disappeared into the leaves and lights. Must be one of the girls…

"Hello! Ensign!" called Neelix and trotted hastily to catch up.

Suddenly he felt his sleeve gripped by a strong hand, and another hand caught his hair… Neelix shrieked and flailed his free arm wildly, regretting that he hadn't asked Tuvok to give him a phazer. Now he, detective on duty, was under attack!

Maybe Neelix had little security training and no weapons (all because that arrogant Vulcan wouldn't let him!) – but he was not the one to give up easily. Flailing like crazy, he turned to punch the unknown attacker in the face…

And they fell together on the floor with a crushing sound. Shrieking again, Neelix desperately tried to tear the villain's arms off – realizing with horror that they were not arms, they were hairy and spiky legs of a giant spider…

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And that's how Ensign Salazar (currently on duty in airponics) found Neelix when she came running to his shrieks from the enclosed arboretum at the far end of the hangar. Neelix was thrashing on the floor, struggling for dear life with a big potted cactus-like plant (only its thick spiky stems were flexible and growing in a broom-like bunch from one root). Thrashing didn't help him much because his eyes were tightly squeezed from horror and the Velcro-like branches stuck to his clothes more and more with each move.

"Mr. Neelix! Mr. Neelix, stop it!" called Ensign Salazar. "Look at me, it's me, Pieta!"

"H-h-help!" Neelix was back to his stuttering. "Security! Spiders! Intruders among us!"

Pieta Salazar was petite, but she was Starfleet and trained to not be scared of brawls. So she went around the thrashing heap and, careful not to touch the plant, caught Neelix's face in her hands and patted both his cheeks lightly but intently:

"Neelix, look at me! No spiders here, it's just me!"

"Oh?" Neelix stopped thrashing and cautiously opened one eye. "Pieta? Is it really you? And where 's the alien?"

"No aliens here, only the good old me", crooned the petite Portuguese, beginning to tear the Velcro branches from Neelix. "And if you sit still for a minute – maybe I can still save what's left of the poor Sikarian cactus that you broke…"

"I did what?" mumbled Neelix, finally coming to his senses. "Oh… I did that… Ugh, sorry, Pieta. It caught me from behind, and it was so scary and hairy…"

"It is not a plant that can move on itself. You were just clumsy, passing by. Look where you go next time". With that, she pulled the last remnants of the plant from Neelix, and examined the roots.

Neelix scrambled up on shaky feet: "I looked for people here, and saw someone far down the aisle… Wait, it wasn't you? It was smaller".

They looked at each other.

"No companions with me here today", said Ensign Salazar. "But no big alien spiders either".

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Neelix sought peace for his frayed nerves in the arboretum. It was a separate part of the hangar, with only one door and humid tropical microclimate carefully maintained. Not much like the lush forests of Rainax where Neelix grew up, but still something. He borrowed a bottle of water from Pieta and slumped down on a patch of grass under the nearest big tree.

"And what if next time it will be an intruder? I was just lucky this time…That's enough - I'm getting me a phazer!" he was muttering to himself, sipping the water. "If Tuvok refuses, then I'll ask the Captain. She said Tuvok got "carte blanche". And I am officially his sidekick, so I can claim half of that "carte blanche" … Whatever it is, it allows to get resources".

The arboretum had various planets' tree species, big and small, and was generally modeled after M-class planets. The trees were not many, but grew in real soil. Narrow paths wound randomly around the trees and green glades… or occasional purple and blue glades, aimed to satisfy diverse tastes. There were wild flowers too, and even butterflies. Small artificial fountains bubbled here and there. Calming down, Neelix went for a little stroll.

Soon his troubles were forgotten and joy returned to his heart… Neelix was an optimist. He also had helped create this place in a former empty cargo bay, and felt a rightful pride now. He began to walk with a cheerful spring in his step.

One of the glades was orange with yellow spots – just like home! Neelix glanced around mischievously (he was, of course, alone) and took a sprinter's start before jumping to fly over the soft orange-yellow grass, with a gleeful "Heeeey!"

And… stopped mid-air, instead of landing on his belly in the grass. Neelix hung over the glade with his arms and legs spread, like the gravity suddenly became zero.

If it did, it affected only this particular small patch… Around him, the butterflies winged around gracefully as usual. Neelix tried to wave his arms and legs too – no effect. He almost decided to scream for help again, though he was not scared this time - when the grass patch opened below him, and he did scream with horror.

Because the grass patch parted below him as if cut by a knife from the inside – but inside there was nothing. No soil, no metal floor, no space, no stars – nothing at all. And from that nothingness a head appeared, stared right into Neelix's face – and dived back, pulling the edges of the grass plain after itself like blankets.

Neelix flopped down, trying to catch those edges and not be sucked into the void… But it was again just good old plain grass. Not exactly like home…

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Trotting along the corridor on his way from the arboretum, Neelix tapped his combadge excitedly:

"Neelix to Tuvok!"

"Tuvok here", the Vulcan's voice in the combadge was dispassionate as usual, but the background was filled with strange clinking, bubbling, buzzing and hissing sounds.

"Mr. Vulcan, you wouldn't believe it!"

"Can you please be brief? I am busy right now".

"Oh, I see. Where are you? I have something to tell you. Or do you need help?"

"Not really. But Mr. Paris does. We are in Sickbay now".

"Oh, poor Tom, what have they done to him?! I am coming to sickbay! There in a minute!"

The turbolift's walls were painted in abstract swirls of color, but Neelix was already getting used to it. He was more worried about suddenly getting stuck in the turboshafts along the way. Like Harry Kim and Jenny Delaney did this week. When the repair team pulled the lift to the deck and opened the doors, Harry was crouching on the floor, red and trembling. He mumbled something about claustrophobia, but why then did Jenny Delaney look so smug and pleased with herself?

Neelix's luck still held and he reached the sickbay deck without any stops. Maybe because he was alone...

But the scene that met him in sickbay made his eyes pop out and his belief in his newfound luck falter. The strange sounds he had heard while talking to Tuvok on combadge now had a picture to match them…

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*Poi – a native Polynesian dish, a sort of sweet porridge made from ground coconuts.

** Kamealoha – a Hawaiian family name meaning "the beloved one". Ensign Kamealoha is a non-canon character of my invention, just as all the other ensigns briefly appearing in this story.