Author's notes: It was a struggle, but I really wanted to get this chapter out on the two year anniversary of this fic. Granted, seven chapters over two years isn't amazing, but this fic was originally meant to be a string of humorous, unrelated one-shots... Then one of my reviewers sent a PM asking a bit about the role of the fanclubs and an actual storyline started forming. Thanks go out to everyone who has faved and alerted this story, but reviews will always be the favored child ^_^. Enjoy the chapter!
Chapter Seven: One does not simply walk...
The early morning mist shrouded the base of the Midgar Mountain range. The chill, damp air hung thick with the smell of stagnant water and rotting vegetation. Zack sucked in a deep lungful of air and wrinkled his nose. "Ugh, smells like swamp, we must be close!" He grinned and his eyes glittered with ill-concealed anticipation.
Tifa sidled up to Cloud and whispered, "I thought the information said to go to Chocobo Bill's. Why are we going to the swamp?"
Cloud slowly turned his head and Tifa gawked at the dark smudges under his faintly glowing blue eyes. He scrubbed a hand over his face and heaved a defeated sigh. "Zack really wanted to go to the swamp first and spent half the night whining at me. In exchange for some sleep, I agreed to let him try his luck against the 'monster'."
"You shoulda' got some earplugs like me." Barret boasted with a toothy grin.
"There's no point," Zack fell back and joined the conversation. "There's so much mako in our bodies that they dissolve." The un-enhanced members of the party froze, eyes wide. Barret surreptitiously edged away from the pair.
"Really?" Aerith's voice trembled on the word.
"No." Cloud rolled his eyes. "He's pulling your legs. If just touching us made things dissolve, how could we wear clothes?"
Barret grimaced and shook his head sharply. "Damn man that is a mental image I did NOT need!" Tifa and Aerith giggled, their cheeks slightly flushed. Zack waggled his eyebrows at them. Cloud chuckled, shaking his head as he took the lead.
"Our blood's a different story though," Zack piped up after they'd walked a bit farther. "If a SOLDIER wants a piercing, they have to use a special stud till the site heals or their body will dissolve it."
Tifa and Aerith shot him a narrow look, not quite willing to believe him. They looked at Cloud, and raised a single eyebrow each. Cloud scratched his jaw, eyes averted. "That one might be true. If nothing else, our skin is tougher and they need special needles for injections."
"Damn SOLDIERs are freaky enough with the glowy eyes and now acid blood?" Barret grumbled in the background.
They traveled in silence for a few minutes. Hissing, Tifa slapped a mosquito on her right thigh and grimaced at the smear of blood and insect parts left behind.
"I suppose that is a benefit," Red said in an amused huff to Cloud. "You need not fear parasitic insects."
Cloud shot him an answering grin and shrugged. "That is true."
"Except there's this one bug, it looks like the green mosquito from hell. They can suck our blood." Zack gave an exaggerated shudder. "I heard that this one guy—Wait a minute..." He frowned at the plains ahead and then he turned to see the mountains and haze of the swamp behind them. "Cloud..." He drawled, "We're going the wrong way."
The blond flinched and reluctantly turned to face his friend. Triumph shone in the former First-Class SOLDIER's violet eyes. "Hah! See guys, Cloud doesn't have a perfect sense of direction!" Laughing jubilantly, he whirled back and headed for the swamp.
The blond heaved a weary sigh, shot the others an apologetic look, and whispered, "Sorry, I tried. I think the mountains gave it away." Aerith patted his shoulder before he hurried to catch up to Zack.
Setting a swift pace, the party soon reached the edge of the lake portion of the swamp. "The water's not even that deep!" Zack scoffed and peered across the haze-shrouded, greenish water. "It will take less time to cross than to find the chocobo farm and hike back."
"I don't know..." Aerith eyed the stagnant water. "The locals said there were nasty monsters in here and we need chocobos to cross."
"They were civilians, Razorweed scares them. Their 'horrible monsters' are probably just a couple of Muu."
Cloud shot the man a flat look, and then pinched the bridge of his nose. "Muu are burrowers Zack, they would drown."
"Whatever," Zack huffed, gingerly stepping through the gray-black mud into murky water. Waist-deep in, he again peered through the fog wreathed distance. "It only looks like a mile or two. Come on guys."
In the distance, a large v-shaped ripple paused and turned towards the man. Cloud's eyes widened and he yelled, "Zack! Get out of there, there's something in the water!"
"It's just a fish-" Zack's reassurance cut off as the swamp exploded in front of him. A twenty-foot tall gray snake burst from the water with a thunderous hiss. Blinking stagnant water from his eyes, Zack gaped up at the cream-colored belly scales of a Midgar Zolom.
Mentally cursing the loss of his old materia, Zack charged up a fire spell and launched it at the serpent. The flame sizzled harmlessly on its snout and it spread its hood, baring fangs the length of his arm. Its forked tail rose from the water and swatted him towards the shore. With an almost petulant hiss, the enormous serpent sunk below the water and swam away.
"Zack!" Aerith shrieked as the man carved a deep furrow in the marshy soil. The raised mound stopped at her feet. Cloud and Tifa crouched at her side and scrambled to help her dig the stunned man free.
"Damn," Barret whistled, eying the ten-foot long trench. Trickles of water seeped from below, filling the bottom. He turned to Red XIII, "What do you figure for that one?"
"Distance and artistry aren't too bad." The leonine mused. "Rather destructive though, and he loses points for getting stuck. I give it a 6 and a half."
Cloud heaved his friend from the mud by his sword harness. Zack gagged, spitting out several mouthfuls of mud. When he finally cleared the mud from his eyes and nose, he muttered, "Man I'm glad I'm not an earthworm." He coughed again and asked louder, "So about that chocobo farm..." He staggered under the weight of the muck coating him from head to toe, but didn't complain when Cloud led them away from the swampy lake.
After some time slogging through the moist soil on the edges of the marshland, spindly willows cloaked with streamers of hanging moss gave way to scattered shrubs and tall grass. Cloud paused on the border between the areas and shaded his eyes from the late morning sunlight. At his side, Tifa scratched at a drying patch of mud on her knee. The rushing sound of wind through the grass and the faint clicks of grasshoppers petered off into the distance. The green expanse stretched before them like a viridian ocean.
"How will we find a chocobo farm in all of this?" Tifa whispered in awe.
Cloud's eyes locked on a distant point. After committing it to memory, he looked down at her and shook his head. "It shouldn't be too hard, I asked around town while Zack and Aerith picked up supplies last night." He raised his voice for the others to hear. "There is a source of water that way. We'll take a break there before heading to the ranch."
An appreciative murmur rose from most of the group. The best of them had mud to their knees. The worst...
"Awww," Zack mock-whined, his teeth gleaming a sharp contrast to the dark mud coating his whole body and weighing down his spiky locks. "You mean I gotta wash off my beauty treatment?"
Aerith giggled and Barret rolled his eyes. "Beauty treatment eh? If it didn't stink so much, I'd say keep it on. You need all the help you can get." The exaggerated way Barret stroked his chin and grinned dulled the sting of the remark.
"Just wait," Zack sniffed, turning his nose to the air. "You'll be jealous of my soft, vibrant skin." He struck a few over-emphasized poses. A fine dusting of dried mud crumbled and fell off with each movement.
Amid her giggles, Tifa choked, "I think you're right, Cloud. He needs some moisturizer."
Still smiling, Cloud led the party through the shoulder-high grass to the depression he noted earlier. Slowed slightly by a few groups of well-disguised Mandragora they reached a trickle of water barely a foot wide and not even that deep. Once they filled their canteens and drank their fill, Tifa, Barret, and Aerith waded in to wash the mud off their legs. While Red dealt with the issue in his own way, Cloud sidled up to Zack. "Sorry it isn't deep enough Zack. There's probably a deeper pool further downstream." The corner of the blond's mouth twitched down at the fatigue dimming the violet of Zack's eyes.
"Hey, none of that!" Zack scolded the blond when he caught the look. "Like you said, there's probably a deeper pool further on. In the meantime, I'm fine! Go wash up."
Cloud shook his head and slipped into a more balanced stance to wait for the others. "If you can't wash off, I won't either."
"Stubborn idiot," Zack muttered with an affectionate grin.
"I learned from the best," he shot back, eyes sparkling.
Zack laughed loudly and threw himself backwards. The stiff grass slowed his descent and formed a pungent, if slightly scratchy mattress.
Shaking his head fondly, Cloud reached into his bag and inspected some of the items he found in Midgar and Kalm. He rolled a magenta materia in his palm and then raised it to the sky and peered through it. He'd never seen a materia like it, but whatever it was, it was very young.
"What's that?" Barret asked, pointing at the pinkish orb in the blond's hand.
"A strange materia I found near Aerith's house. I'm not sure what it does, the only thing I'm getting from it is 'cover.' I was thinking of giving you my ice and equipping it to see what it does."
Barret's brows lowered and he scowled down at Cloud. "Oh sure, you get another fancy materia. Ya' gave Tifa the Steal materia. Zack's got the Poison and Elemental and Red even got a Sense materia-"
Cloud's eyes widened and he interrupted, "To be fair, Red had that materia when we met him." Sensing this didn't calm the man; he shook his head and proffered the small orb. "My instincts tell me this isn't the right materia for you, but if you feel that strongly about it, take it."
Barret snatched the materia and slotted it into the Atomic Scissors Tifa stole from a monster in the Midgar Wasteland. Taking a calming breath and scratching the back of his head, Cloud turned to address the others. A small smile twitched at the corner of his mouth. Zack snored incredibly loud but Cloud caught a faint gleam from his slightly open eyes. Aerith, Tifa, and Red XIII didn't even look at the pair. They were trying so hard to look like they weren't eavesdropping he might as well pretend he fell for it.
He cleared his throat and all eyes locked on him, even the "sleeping" Zack. "Okay guys, we're going a little further downstream so Zack can wash off."
Before they took more than a few steps, loud crashing sounded behind them and three Elfadunks emerged from the tall grass. The blue, elephantine creatures rolled their yellow eyes wildly and stamped their feet. The middle beast trumpeted a challenge and struck Zack with its Shower attack. Cloud leaped across the small stream and struck down the beast closest to him. Tifa unleashed a rapid combo of kicks and punches dazing the middle creature and giving Red an opportunity to go after its exposed throat. Aerith's foot slipped on an unbalanced stone just as she charged the final Elfadunk. It lowered its trunk and she cringed, shielding her head.
Barret bellowed and appeared in front of the fallen Ancient, taking the Shower attack full on. Finally recovered from the shock of the rear attack, Zack darted past Barret and killed the final beast.
"Wow Barret, thanks for saving me," Aerith climbed to her feet and brushed the dirt off her dress. "How did you get here so fast?"
Barret scowled, swiping some of the water from his face and stomped away muttering, "Can't save anyone."
Frowning at the odd remark, Cloud turned to his freshly washed friend. Zack slowly sheathed his blade while he stood over the slain monster. Once it vanished into the Lifestream, he burst into tears.
"Zack, what's wrong?" Cloud asked, resting his free hand on the man's shaking shoulder.
A despairing wail burst from his throat. "I'm sorry Aerith, I wasn't paying attention and you almost got hurt! I'm a failure!" He wept, falling to his knees and extending his palms to the cloudless sky. Aerith rushed Zack's side, whispering in his ear as he bawled into her bosom.
"-Should all weep. We don' stand a chance 'gainst Shinra. Piss 'em off and they'll take everythin'," Barret muttered darkly from the edge of the small clearing. Cloud's eyes widened and then narrowed.
He stroked his Sense materia and then gave a small laugh, shoulders relaxing. "Sadness. That attack cast Sadness on them. It doesn't harm them so we should just press on... er... I guess we don't need water anymore so we'll just head for the chocobo farm."
"My beauty mud!" Zack lamented, but stood and kept pace with the rest of the party. His sniffles and low whimpers rose and fell in intensity.
Aerith stepped to Cloud's side and whispered, "I'm glad you figured out what was wrong. I was a little worried there. I've seen him sad but never in such a drama queen way-"
"I'm a drama queen!" The status-inflicted SOLDIER sobbed.
Aerith winced and hissed, "Oops, forgot about your hearing."
Cloud shook his head biting his lower lip. If he didn't know it would set the man off again, he'd be laughing his head off. Judging from how Red kept snorting and Tifa clenched her teeth around one of her fingers he wasn't the only one. A quavering wail echoed Zack's cries and a pair of Levrikon and another Elfadunk attacked.
Dreading any more of them falling under the Sadness status condition, Tifa and Red went for the Elfadunk. One of the Levrikon shook its red-crested head and pecked Aerith several times before Cloud struck it down. The second large bird raised its sharp bill over the oblivious Zack. Barret appeared with a cry and suffered the attack instead.
A brown and pink blur launched at the long necked avian with a hiss. Aerith struck its head with her staff with a sound much like a baseball striking an aluminum bat. She triggered her Enemy Skill's Matra Magic on the follow-through and laughed as the explosions tore the monster apart.
Barret's eyes widened comically and he backed away from the cackling young woman. He crept to the gaping blond's side and in his normal tone of voice asked, "What happened to her?"
She triggered the attack again. "Burn! Burn!" She cackled and danced at the edges of the fire.
Already checking with his Sense materia, Cloud sighed. "Fury, she has Fury cast on her and I guess it canceled your Sadness."
"Sadness? I ain-" Barret choked off, look of horror filling his eyes as he remembered how he acted after the last attack.
Leaving the man to his thoughts Cloud helped Zack to his feet and breathed in a low whisper, "Zack, did you pick up any tranquilizers in Kalm?"
"No," Zack answered in a choked voice. "You don't get motion sickness anymore so I didn't get any. (sob) I can't do anything right. Because of me Aerith's like this!" The explosions cut off and angry green eyes locked on Cloud. He backed away from the morose man; palms raised and let the furious woman sling a possessive arm around Zack's waist.
"Let's keep moving." Cloud suggested, mentally insisting that no, his voice wasn't higher pitched than normal, thank you very much. He jogged to the front.
Multiple ambushes slowed their progress. Barret suffered status effects ranging from fury to sadness when he randomly leaped in front of a Levrikon's Flaming Peck or an Elfadunk's Shower attack. Through some cursed irony, Zack and Aerith never suffered another status inflicting attack.
What seemed like dozens of battles later, Aerith cried in triumph and released a new limit break. Ice blue ribbons of light circled the whole party and red motes of light shimmered as they fell. Finishing off the nearest monster, Zack looked up with reddened but clear eyes. Horror crept across his features.
"What just—I...I can't believe I acted like that!" He shook his head and slapped his cheeks, yet failed to cover the flush of humiliation creeping up his neck.
"Don't feel too bad Zack, the status effects robbed most of us of our sensibilities," Red XIII jerked his head at Cloud. The only visible difference the blond showed was a change in the speed of his attacks and tight-lipped silence. Cloud pretended he didn't notice the accusatory look and flexed his stiff fingers behind his back. It took all his will power not to join the sobbing or insanity when he fell under the effects of Sadness or Fury.
"That was kind of fun," Aerith giggled, brushing her dress down and patting her hair into place.
Tifa shook off the shock of her sudden mental clarity and fell to her knees laughing. "You did it Aerith!"
"Huh?"
"You told Zack you'd make an 'Esuna-type limit break' and you did!"
"Oh yeah..." Aerith joined in the laughter, followed by Zack.
Barret marched to Cloud's side, popped the Cover materia out of his weapon. He extended it to the young man and said, "I changed my mind, gimme the Ice." Without a word, Cloud traded materia.
Hours later, Cloud looked around and let off a relieved sigh. "We're almost there." He pointed to the ordered rows of chocobo greens and a small grove of nut trees. Zack gave a weak cheer.
Noting the lowering sun, Cloud shook his head. "We probably won't be able to get a chocobo until morning. We'll be charged for food and board but after today, I think we'll all take comfort in home cooked food and not sleeping in a tent."
"A shower would be nice too," Aerith piped up and then cut Zack off. "A shower that didn't come from a monster that is."
"You know me too well." Zack grinned at her smile of fond exasperation.
"When it's time to bargain for chocobos tomorrow, you're in charge Zack." Cloud said.
"Why me? Since you're the leader, shouldn't you do it?"
Cloud looked down, a crooked smile of chagrin on his face. "I could, but your charisma is much higher than mine. Kunsel once joked that you could talk Leviathan into joining Shinra, so..."
Zack beamed under the praise. "Alright Cloud, you can count on me!"
"I know I can, Zack." Cloud clapped a hand on his friend's shoulder. "I always have."
True to Cloud's predictions, Choco Bill's wife took one look at the ragged band and sent them for food, baths, and then bed. The poor woman didn't understand why Barret started banging his head on the wall after she asked Zack what kind of soap he used to get such vibrant skin.
The next morning dawned cool with a faint haze of mist. Cloud stood behind Tifa watching her coo over one of the chocobo in the corral. It preened over her attention, but often stretched its neck toward her blond companion. "Come on Cloud, he wants you to pet him," Tifa insisted.
"She," Cloud corrected, refusing to come closer, "and I'd rather not. Chocobo act... weird around me."
While Tifa continued her quest to get Cloud to pet the oversized avian, Zack approached Choco Bill on the other side of the corral. "Taking care of chocobo must be hard work."
"Eyup." The old man agreed, scratching his spiky gray beard.
"You must be afraid of them running away after you catch them, right?"
"Naw," The foxtail in his mouth bobbed as he spoke. "Give a chocobo a stall and food and you'll have to chase it away." He gave a rusty laugh.
"Wow, great!" Zack grinned, "So how much do you charge for a day rental?"
"Sorry, don't got any chocobos." He said perfectly serious.
Across the corral, Tifa dragged Cloud close to one of the chocobo. As if to prove his point, the birds suddenly started dancing. When they finished, the closest one warked and something flew from its mouth, striking him in the chest with enough force to knock him over.
Zack blinked and shook his head. 'I did not just see chocobos dancing.' He told himself and turned back to the old man.
"You don't have any chocobos?" Zack asked, voice heavy with disbelief. From the corner of his eye he watched the disgusted blond climb to his feet, shake his head with a look of resignation, and then pocket a red materia.
"Nope. Ain't got no chocobos left. You wanna find a chocobo, talk to my grandson Billy in the barn." Giving another rusty laugh, the man shuffled off.
"Don't mind grandpa," a young boy said, launching himself onto the corral's wood supports. He straightened his feathered hat and grinned up at Zack. "We can't rent those chocobo because they aren't ours. We're only watching them for someone. If you wanna catch your own chocobo, I can help you out old man."
"Old-" Zack choked off, his left eye twitching. "Enlighten me kid."
Smirking, Billy pulled out a pinkish materia and some vegetables. "This Chocobo Lure materia will help you find a wild chocobo, while these greens will keep it occupied so you can kill the monsters it runs with. Kill the monsters fast enough and you've got a chocobo."
"Seems simple enough," Zack nodded.
"The materia is 2,000 gil and the greens-"
"Just give me the greens," Zack broke in. "We don't need the materia."
"Wha? But you'll never attract a chocobo without it!" The boy protested, nearly falling off his perch.
"Nah," Zack waved a hand. "We can call chocobos without a materia."
"This I've got to see," Billy drawled. "In fact, if you can attract one chocobo without the materia, I'll give you the greens free."
"Deal." Zack extended his hand and they shook. "Bring the greens and leave the materia here so you can't say we cheated."
Perched on his personal chocobo, Billy led them to an area of trampled grass marked with chocobo prints. He tossed a sack of radish shaped vegetables to Zack and said, "Alright big shot, impress me."
Grinning, Zack put the greens into Cloud's hands. "Say 'wark' Cloud."
Eyes widening Cloud whirled on the tall man. "Zack! You didn't say anything about-"
"Trust me Cloud," he whispered in a soothing tone of voice. "Do it just once, and if nothing happens I'll... I'll owe you a favor for the embarrassment."
"Too late." Cloud folded his arms and glared up into Zack's pleading violet eyes.
"Alright, alright. I'll owe you two favors if you do this."
"And you won't make me do it again?" Cloud added in a leading tone.
"And I won't make you do it again," Zack echoed, rolling his eyes. "Now will you say it already?"
Glowering at the man and Billy's wide grin, Cloud whirled to face the tall grass. In a flat, toneless voice he said, "Wark."
"You call that a chocobo call?" Billy hooted and slapped his thigh. "That's the most pathetic—whoa! Lightning? What are you-?" His chocobo warked, and ignoring the boy's tugging on the reins approached the blond. Billy's jaw dropped.
Answering warks sounded from all around and a large flock of chocobo emerged from the tall grass. Utterly ignoring the greens in Cloud's extended hands, the large birds fawned over Cloud like a favored chick. Lightining and two others groomed Cloud's hair and clothes while he stood stiff in obvious discomfort.
Zack smirked up at the gaping boy. "See? Now if we want to breed chocobos, we'll take you up on the materia."
Shaking out of his stupor, the boy laughed. "I can see that. Hey, you think your friend might be interested in a job?"
A pair of angry, electric-blue eyes locked on the boy, freezing him in place. "Eeep, good luck on your adventure, keep the greens!" The kid forced his chocobo to whirl away and run back to the farm.
With a small application of greens for some of the chocobo, the party mounted with varying degrees of success. Zack stroked his chocobo as he waited for the others. "This will make travel to the marshes so much easier. Why were there so many monsters in these fields anyway?"
"Didn't you pay attention in training Zack?" Cloud asked, patting Tifa's chocobo after helping her and smoothly vaulting onto his own. "Monsters always hide in the tall grass."