Chapter 24 Keystone Kapers
With the return of all their materia and their new weapons the trip south was vastly easier than their pursuit of the errant princess. As if to prove her trustworthiness, Yuffie fought harder than any of them until Zack pulled her aside and explained that killing herself wasn't the way to redemption. She was a bit confused at the flash of pain in his eyes and suspected there was more to his words than he was letting on. She took them to heart though, and while they traveled they worked to insert her in the shaky battle dynamic they formed incorporating Cid on the road to Wutai.
It wasn't until they finally reached the barren beaches to the south and the Tiny Bronco that Red XIII asked, "So now that we've returned to our conveyance, what is our next destination?"
Cid scratched his chin and said, "That brat Rufus said he'd been goin' the wrong direction. You folks know what direction he was goin' so we can go the other way?"
"We've been heading west," Tifa responded and then grimaced, "does that mean we've got to go back and get the buggy?"
"I sure as hell hope not," Barret growled. He jerked his thumb to point at the Tiny Bronco and continued, "At least with this thing our little puke machine can just barf over the edge. Stopping attracted monsters, and havin' her use a bag was just nasty."
"Thanks," Yuffie said flatly, glaring up at the man.
"No offense kid," Barret huffed, patting her back.
Cloud frowned, mentally referencing his memorized maps before asking, "Do you think we could take the Tiny Bronco up rivers?"
Cid hummed, studying the little plane's wingspan and level in the water before replying, "I think she can do it as long as the rivers are deep and wide. Don't expect to go up any waterfalls though. Why?"
"There's a river that cuts all the way across the Western Continent," Cloud explained. "We might be able to use that to get to the other side and hunt for leads."
Zack nodded thoughtfully and asked, "Sounds as good as anything else, are there any other suggestions?"
Yuffie raised her hand, face already pale and interjected, "I suggest you dope me up with tranquilizers before we start off."
Cloud grimaced in sympathy and shook his head, "Sorry Yuffie, there's nowhere to secure you. I don't want you falling off and maybe even drowning while you're out of it. You're going to have to do your best to manage things. On the plus side, I don't think the monsters can stop us like they could when we were on the buggy so that should speed up the travel time." The young woman whimpered but nodded in acceptance before dolefully scrambling aboard.
The tail end of Wutai was very close to the south-westernmost tip of the Western Continent so the passage from one continent to the other was blessedly short. After trailing north along the jagged-edged coast, they found the mouth of the Northern River. It was strangely disconcerting to go over the crossing and see the fading signs of their buggy's passage on the shoreline. Soon after that, the river went into a steep, winding canyon. The roar of water echoed loudly and rose to deafening levels when they passed a massive waterfall that marked the point where the Northern River turned to the Buckle River on the east side of the continent.
As they drifted lazily downstream with the engine turned off to conserve fuel, Tifa peered north at the distant heat-shimmer over the Corel Desert. "It's strange," she murmured to Cloud, shifting from where she leaned against him to look up at his face. "It seems so long ago that we were down in that desert, learning its secret…"
Cloud nodded quietly in agreement and then sharply turned his head to the southeast and pointed to a small house on the tip of the peninsula beyond the river mouth. "There, we need to go to that house, I think we can land at this beach," he called to Cid.
Half asleep in the warm afternoon air, the pilot flinched in his cockpit before cursing his asleep foot and steering the plane on to the soft white sand. Yuffie jumped off the wing with a cry of relief and hugged a large armful of sand. Unfortunately, she disturbed a group of Beachplugs in the process. Zack and Aerith killed two of the five before Cloud called for them to spare one for Cait Sith to Manipulate.
"Aw man, Cloud!" Zack whined while Aerith grimaced behind him.
The blond man shrugged and replied, "I know you hate it but I think you'll like this one."
"Do you even know what attack to go for?" Aerith whined, glaring at the Beachplug and the blue-green aura showing the successful manipulation. "When you sent us for the Enemy Skills from the Death Claws we had to suffer through several different attacks before we found the right one."
Cloud snorted and asked the robotic feline, "What choices do you have?"
"Bite, Ice, and Big Guard," Cait Sith answered and then shot a strange look at the tentacled mollusks with no signs of a mouth. "Not too sure how they'd carry out the first one to be honest."
Cloud smirked and replied, "Cast Big Guard on Zack and Aerith."
"No no no no…"Aerith flinched before a bright, golden light engulfed the pair. A shape like a floating disk of bright, yellow honey spread in front of the pair before sinking into their skin and vanishing. Cloud nodded to Yuffie and she finished the monster off. Aerith slowly uncurled from her full-body cower and blinked in confusion.
Cloud smirked in amusement when she searched her body for any physical changes or injuries. "What?" she finally asked, her voice pitched higher than normal.
"It looked like a barrier spell of some kind," Vincent remarked with a shrug of one shoulder.
"Why didn't you just say so?" Zack asked, his lower lip sticking out in a pout.
Cid snorted and drawled, "I woulda' thought the name 'Big Guard' was a good clue."
"If you're whinin' about gettin' all sorts of attacks all on one materia, I'm sure one of us would take it off'a your hands," Barret huffed with a toothy grin.
Aerith yelped and clutched the bracer with her Enemy Skill materia close to her chest. Cait Sith shook his head with a small laugh and said, "Well I guess you'll just have to keep in mind the saying 'No pain, No gain'."
Before Zack's pout could get even more tragic, Cloud huffed, pointed to the nearby house and said, "Let's get a move on."
Red XIII looked up at Cloud and murmured, "I seem to recall passing this abode on our way south. Why did we not stop here earlier if this was to be our ultimate location?"
"No one was home before," Cloud answered with a shrug and then waved a hand towards the structure.
The two story house stood among a slight stand of trees a healthy distance from a cliff overlooking the ocean. The deep blue shingles contrasted with the brighter blue of the sky above and thick, black smoke coiled from the abnormally large chimney. A slim gray cat slept in the barren window box near the door. Yuffie cooed and scratched behind its ears, it woke with a lazy yawn and a single luxuriant stretch.
Cloud knocked on the door and waited for an answer. A mostly bald man with a black topknot opened the door with a look of surprise. A black leather vest hung over his massive shoulders and he towered a few inches over even Zack's considerable height. Thick bands of metal crossed his bulging biceps and the pale fleck pattern of burns marred his hands and forearms. "Huh, another customer. You sure picked an out of the way place, but come on in."
The house was small, the front area serving as both bedroom and living room. The other half of the room served as a kitchen and office, the worn wooden desk strewn with papers. A wooden staircase led up to a second story loft and the flickering crimson light from the back room and the familiar scent of hot metal marked the home as a blacksmiths. As if to punctuate this, a massive pair of swords hung on the wall high above the man's bed.
Before following the others into the house, Yuffie scooped the cat into her arms and carried it inside. The man shook his head and snorted, "Cloud you lazy bastard."
Cloud blinked in shock then realized the man was talking to the cat. "Your cat is named Cloud too?" Zack asked gleefully.
"Huh? Well yeah. Wait what do you mean 'too'?" The bald man frowned.
Zack slung an arm around Cloud's shoulders-who only sighed in resignation-before announcing, "Our leader here is named Cloud as well!"
The man looked from the gray cat purring up a storm in Yuffie's arms to Cloud and said, "No offense pal, but I think my cat fits it better."
Cloud snorted a small laugh and nodded for the man to continue what he was saying outside. "Oh right, anyway, if you came looking for the 'Keystone', it's too late. I don't have it anymore."
"Keystone?" Vincent asked, noting the strange emphasis on the word.
"Huh, you mean you didn't come here for that?" the blacksmith asked, one scarred eyebrow raising in confusion.
Vincent shrugged and replied, "We're here seeking information. Whatever information you're willing to divulge about the Keystone or anything else is of value."
The smith shrugged and huffed, "Well it's not like it's a big deal to me and since I get so little company out here… So this Keystone thing is a key that unlocks the gate to some old temple somewhere." He laughed and adjusted his topknot before continuing. "You're not going to believe your ears, but I heard it was the Temple of the Ancients!"
Aerith stiffened and straightened up from petting the cat with Yuffie, her green eyes wide. "The Temple of the Ancients?" she cried, stepping closer to hear the rest of the conversation.
The man roared with laughter and shook his head, "Now don't take it too seriously Missy, it's just a legend." Still chuckling, he climbed the small staircase to his living area and fiddled with the chest before climbing down and ascending the stairs to the loft. Cloud shook his head and followed the man up.
A larger selection of weapons hung on the walls up there. A wide array of daggers and a pair of wicked looking halberds gleamed in the light from the loft windows. Surprised that Cloud hadn't left, the man tilted his head and asked, "Was there something more?"
"Where is the Keystone?" Cloud asked.
The smith shook his head and sighed, "I sold it already. To tell you the truth, I really didn't want to sell it but that guy had an air about him that said it would be a bad idea to refuse… and he was kinda giving me the creeps."
"Who was it?" Tifa asked from the base of the stairs.
He sighed and went back down the stairs, resigned to one position since the whole party couldn't fit comfortably up on his second floor. Scratching his chin he answered, "It was the manager of the Gold Saucer, he told me to call him 'Dio'." He missed Barret's wince and continued, "He said he was going to put it in a museum where it belonged and then took off."
"Do you know where the Temple of the Ancients is?" Aerith asked, her fists clasped over her chest.
"Come now, it's only a legend," he laughed. Then his hazel eyes softened at her expression and he shook his head, "But if it were true, that sure would be something huh?"
He tilted his head, as if struggling to remember something and he murmured, "You know, thinking on it, I've heard of something called Ultimate Destruction Magic that was supposed to be hidden in the Temple of the Ancients…"
"Ultimate Destruction Magic?" Cid yelped.
"Come on! I said don't take it seriously!" the blacksmith laughed shaking his head. "That's just what the guy who sold me the Keystone thought it said on some old rocks where he found it."
When he caught Cloud's motion towards the door, Vincent nodded and replied, "Thank you very much for the information, we will not take any more of your time."
"Come on Yuffie, leave the cat here," Cait Sith murmured to the young woman, earning twin odd looks from the cat and the blacksmith.
"Bye bye kitty-Cloud!" she sighed mournfully and then let the cat leap from her arms. It bounded up the small stairs to the living area and curled up on the man's tan bed covers.
"So I take it we're giving Dio a visit?" Red XIII asked when they were nearly to the parked Tiny Bronco.
Cloud shrugged and replied, "It looks like our best lead. Might as well see what we can learn."
"Huh," Cid huffed with a shake of his head. "Never thought I'd actually go to the Gold Saucer. Isn't it kinda pricey to get in?"
"Don't worry," Cloud assured him, "On Kunsel's advice I bought gold passes when we were last here."
Zack spasmed and shook his head before whining, "Cloud! Remember what I told you about dancing to Kunsel's tune? This is the kind of thing I was talking about!"
Almost half of the party missed the meeting with Kunsel and shot the pair bemused looks. Cloud merely shrugged and demurred, "The advice proved useful, what is the complaint?"
Zack tugged fistfuls of his hair and growled before clambering on the small plane for the very short trip across the river. "The complaint is that if he knew we needed to come back for something, he should have told us to come see this guy for it before Dio could get his hands on it!"
Cloud shook his head, "It doesn't work that way Zack. He isn't all knowing and sometimes only can give us small bits of advice or information. Besides, we already established he wasn't home when we passed through before."
Zack frowned, his face crumpling with confusion, "Wait, what do you mean 'it doesn't work that way'?" Cid revved the Tiny Bronco's engine, the noise forestalling any further conversation.
The weeks since they first crossed the Buckle River lowered its level slightly, but it still flowed wide and deep. The Tiny Bronco, despite its name and size was a fast plane, even confined to shallow water so the trip across took a matter of few minutes. Just enough time for Yuffie to get nauseated again.
Remembering the issue with the Beachplugs, she scrambled away from the sand and into the grass before flopping face-first to the ground with a moan. Zack was about to ask Cloud for clarification of what he said across the river but Yuffie's wail of distress interrupted. "What is with my luck today?" she whined, dodging an edged card flung by one of the Jokers she stirred up.
Barret bellowed a battle cry, his chainsaw buzzing and slashed through the first skeletal figure, destroying it instantly. The man almost lost his balance at the ease of defeating the creature. Yuffie regained her equilibrium from the shock and finished the second one with a single toss of her Razor Ring. "Woah! I don't remember them being this easy to kill!" she cried in amazement.
"It's nice to know we've gotten stronger, isn't it?" Cloud asked, grinning at the young woman.
"Yeah!" she nodded with a smile but then scowled, "Still not happy about my luck though! And that's with all the Amulets! Can you imagine what it would be like if I didn't have them?"
Cid winced sharply and patted the young woman's upper back. "Keep 'em on ya' girlie. Wouldn't wanna see you get hurt."
Cloud shaded his eyes and peered across the wide expanse of the Corel Desert. "We don't have the buggy so I'm afraid we're going to have to go around the desert to reach North Corel," he informed Vincent and Cid.
"If the monsters here are that easy to beat, how bad could it be?" Cid asked with a shrug.
"Noooo don't say that!" Tifa moaned, while Cloud covered his face with his hands and shook his head side to side.
"Aw, come on," Cid laughed. "Don't tell me you lot are superstitious and believe in jinxin' things?"
"You'll see," Aerith said flatly.
Kelly Meyers, the attendant at the ropeway to the Golden Saucer gaped at the disheveled party in shock. The women and most of the men were glaring at a tall man with a spear. She couldn't really tell his hair or clothing color under the splashes of monster blood, mud and other unmentionable substances. Trembling at her responsibilities she prayed they wouldn't shoot the messenger. She stepped in front of them and in a shaky voice said, "I apologize folks, but I'm going to have to ask that you clean up before boarding the ropeway car, for the comfort of the other guests and... sanitary purposes."
Some of the glares transferred to her and she quailed at the intensity, even though they visibly softened the looks shot in her direction. "W-we," she squeaked and then tried again in a shaky voice, "We at the Gold Saucer understand that sometimes the journey here is perilous and dirty. S-so for your convenience, there are bathing facilities just to the south-" As a unit, they turned and stomped off to the indicated building.
"Whew, that was scary!" Kelly whimpered, returning to her post.
The other woman attending the station patted her shoulder and murmured, "Sorry I made you do that one Kelly. How about we both go greet them when they come back?"
"Thanks Patricia," Kelly sighed, smiling weakly at her friend. "You know, when we got that tip that we should be at the Gold Saucer around now, I didn't imagine we'd run into anything as intense as that group."
Patricia shrugged, "Well, they say the tips from up top are never wrong and judging by how many members I've seen today alone, we're not the only ones here. We've been running non-stop for the last few days and Dio is over the moon with the attendance count. He thinks it's because of his advertising though." She snickered the last bit.
"Yeah," Kelly sighed sadly. "I hope they show up soon though, our vacation time is almost over."
By the time they reached North Corel, Red XIII almost overcame his aversion to riding chocobo enough to ask Cloud to summon some. The blond's thunderous scowl when Zack proposed it anyway kept the leonine's jaws shut. The opportunity to clean up the mess from the overabundance of monsters and long trip from the south was greatly appreciated. When they finally emerged cleaned and in their spare clothing, their moods had improved greatly.
The curvy brunette manning the booth to the rope bridge stood with a much taller, slender red-head. Tifa winced and muttered, "We scared the poor girl so much she had to call for reinforcements."
Hearing their approach, both young women turned to greet them, shaky smiles on their faces. When they took a second to look at the cleaned up party, their eyes widened and lit with a powerful fervor. The brunette opened her mouth to speak, squeaked, and then turned a furious red. Her friend didn't seem much better but she managed to wave them aboard, her widened blue eyes tracking their every step. Cloud stalked on board and slumped into a seat, shoulders hunched. The two women stared through the windows at the group until they were too far away to be seen.
"Damn Cloud," Cid cackled. "What did ya' do to the poor girls?"
"It's not what he did, but who he is," Yuffie answered with a smug grin.
Aerith nodded with a pained smile, and when Cid didn't seem to understand, she elaborated, "The chances are high those two were part of Cloud and Zack's fan clubs."
"I am concerned at your adverse reaction to two harmless young women," Vincent stated from where he leaned against a support pole. "I saw nothing worthy of such apprehension."
"Eh, it is a trauma reaction thing," Zack explained with a sigh. "Cloud had to run security between Sephiroth's club and the general one day and there was some kind of nasty riot. He didn't have enhancements back then and was even shorter than he is now."
Zack yelped as Cloud jabbed him with a sharp elbow.
"So you're scared of fanclubs 'cause you almost got trampled or somethin'?" Barret asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Or perhaps he knows the source of the riot?" Cait Sith theorized, tapping one gloved finger on his white chin. Cloud hunched his shoulders further down and muttered something under his breath.
"Wait, you know what caused the riot?" Zack asked, perking up. "I gotta know, the Silver Elite was a mess for weeks! Seph was actually grateful because they didn't hound him during that time. I think if there hadn't been so much destroyed property and people hospitalized he would have tried to thank who or whatever caused it."
Cloud groaned and dropped his face in his hands, "You're not going to drop this, are you?"
Aerith shrugged and rocked in her seat, "Well, since we're stuck in here for the next two hours or so for the long ride to the saucer…"
"I don't want to talk about it…" Cloud whined.
Tifa gaped at the unexpectedly petulant reaction and then stroked his upper back soothingly. "Perhaps it will help with the trauma if you tell someone?"
"I did tell someone!" Cloud huffed sitting up and scowling. "I told Kunsel, and I'm pretty sure that's why I'm in this situation right now!"
Zack tilted his head to the side and then scratched the back of his head. "I'm not following your reasoning…"
Groaning, Cloud peered up to see how far they were from the Gold Saucer. Lacking salvation on that front, he slumped in his seat so the back of his head rested on the top of the seat and he stared at the bright advertisements across the ceiling unseeingly. After a few moments he sighed, "When I was in the crowd control contingent, some of the women got over enthusiastic and tried to rush through. We managed to stop them, but in the scuffle I got some scratches on my neck under my ear." He stroked the area right by Tifa and peering close she could see some faint scars.
Vincent shot the impatient Cid a silencing glare before he could interrupt and Cloud eventually continued. "They were bleeding a lot and in order for one of my squad mates to check them out, I had to take off my helmet."
"Oh crap…" Zack breathed, suddenly struck by a revelation. "You converted some of them then, didn't you? The riot happened because some of the women decided you were more their flavor and went after you, making some question their loyalty..." Zack cackled, throwing his head back. "You caused a civil war in the club!"
Cloud whimpered and threw an arm over his eyes, "I don't even know how it happened! All I did was take off my helmet!"
Zack snorted and huffed, "That's all you needed to do in that hormonally charged crowd."
Vincent frowned, looking Cloud up and down, "I find myself unconvinced."
"Oh this was years ago," Zack waved a hand at Cloud. "He was only fourteen or fifteen? When I met him and he took off his helmet… he looked like a fluffy baby chocobo."
Cloud squawked in outrage and launched himself at his friend. Vincent sniffed at their wrestling and stood aside while they passed in a tangle of thrashing limbs. Meanwhile, Yuffie who pecked away at her PHS when Cloud mentioned the riot incident crowed in triumph. Opening a picture on her phone she froze, eyes wide. The half-coo, half-squeak she emitted attracted Tifa and Aerith's attention and the two turned from cheering on the wrestling match to peer over her shoulder.
Tifa and Aerith emitted louder squeaky coos, causing Cloud to instantly freeze mid-swing, shuddering in horror at the familiar sound. "So cute!" Aerith cried, scooping the PHS out of Yuffie's hand and forwarding the picture to Tifa and her PHS.
"You've got the picture?" Zack asked, a wide grin splitting his face. He shoved Cloud off and scrambled to his feet. "Lemme see lemme see!"
"Noooo," Cloud moaned weakly, not bothering to get off the floor. "Don't look at it you fools!"
Ignoring his weak pleas, they crowded around the three phones to look at the "fateful image". It was grainy from poor lighting and the age of the photo but clear enough to show a much younger Cloud holding an infantry helmet that looked too big for his head. Traces of baby-fat still rounded parts of his face and his wide blue eyes stared into the distance while another infantryman looked at the gash on his neck. Just like Zack stated, static from the helmet made the young Cloud's hair poof up like a fluffy chocobo chick.
Vincent hummed thoughtfully and then nodded, "I see."
"What happened to the cute little ponytail?" Aerith asked with a small pout.
Barret snorted, "I bet someone took it as a souvenir." Cloud whimpered and reached behind him to cradle the back of his head. Barret did a double-take when he saw the blond's action. "What? I was only jokin'! Aw man, that sucks."
Cid shook his head and huffed, "Alright, I'm gonna hold off on tauntin' ya about your fear."
In the back of the car, Red XIII huffed and tried to go back to sleep. Humans were so weird sometimes.
Thankfully the last hour of the rail trip passed quietly. Cid stared in awe at the Golden Saucer's mushroom-stalk shape. Fireworks burst in the darkening twilight and lights flashed and strobed from the various domes.
"Why is it called the Golden Saucer if it is shaped like that?" Vincent asked, frowning at the garish light display, wincing slightly as a burst of fireworks bounced off the surface of the blue rope cart.
Barret grimaced and shook his head before slowly answering, "Danny… er Dio was always a little… strange in the head. Expectin' his naming reasons to make sense isn't the best of ideas."
"Or it could be the fact that Golden Saucer sounds better than Golden Mushroom Tree," Zack reasoned with a shrug as the cable car entered the dark tunnel that served as the entrance.
Barret snorted a laugh and conceded, "Or that."
"Ugh," Tifa grimaced when they emerged into the neon toned entry hall. "I forgot how garish this place was."
"You sound like a sour old lady!" Cid scolded with a laugh. "Isn't this supposed to be the funnest place in Gaia? Why do you look like you ain't gonna have fun?"
Aerith shook her head and replied, "Because the last time we were here we had a rough time?"
"Now now," Cait Sith soothed, "Dio did apologize for the misunderstanding and gave us the buggy so we could travel onward."
"That's not a positive in my book," Yuffie muttered darkly after Cloud showed their Gold Pass and they entered the first transport hub. She eyed the tube to the Wonder Square speculatively and mused, "I wonder if they still have a ban on me playing the games?"
"Much as I'd like to have fun too, we ain't here to play games girlie," Cid huffed, shaking his head.
"Actually…" Cloud sighed and jerked his thumb towards the information map and a small sign taped to it, "You may as well go have fun for a while. The announcement board says the museum display is closed until the afternoon… there's something I need to get at the battle arena, and it might take a while. Go ahead and have fun and we'll meet outside the display room at two. Zack, mind if I borrow your Enemy Skill materia?"
Zack grinned and popped the yellow orb free. "Want me to come cheer you on?" he asked baring a toothy grin.
"Nah, go ahead and have fun, I'll see you all in a few hours," Cloud waved to the others and jumped down the tube to the Battle Square.
"Okay," Cid sighed and then glared at a speaker disguised as a chocobo chick high on the wall, "that music is startin' to annoy me now."
Hours later, the whole party save Cloud climbed the violet-carpeted stairs to the Battle Square. They passed a few rough looking characters, some security guards, a strange pair of BP vending machines and crossed the chessboard-patterned tiles to Dio's collection. A few patrons whispered nervously about something in the corner. Some had their PHS devices out and were filming something on the right side of the room. Through a gap in the crowd they could see Cloud dozing in a disheveled pile by the marble staircase, his clothes torn and splashed with blood; his own and that of multiple monsters.
"Cloud!" Tifa cried in horror, dashing across the floor to skid to her knees by his side.
At her call, his head snapped up and he blearily opened his eyes. "Hi Tifa," he yawned and then blinked up at the concerned party.
"What happened Cloud?" Red XIII asked, his tail lashing.
Cloud groaned and gratefully accepted Zack's assistance in climbing to his feet. "I severely underestimated how much trouble and work it was going to take to get the object I was after. I lost count of how many rounds I had to fight here." He shook his head and slung his sword across his back, swaying slightly on his feet.
"Well, the display room is open," Aerith said gently, "Let's look into the Keystone and then get you to a bed." Cloud nodded weakly and followed them up the stairs into a room filled with a strange array of things. Not the least of which was an abstract painting of Dio himself.
"This is so goofy!" Yuffie laughed as the looked at the strange Tiki mask creature wielding a spear. It had one squinty eye and massive red lips. A large wind-up clock, an ancient diving suit, miniature hot air balloons and other oddities lined the walls behind velvet ropes. In the center of the room, in a glass case set on top of a massive vase gleamed an opalescent stone.
"So that's the Keystone," Aerith murmured, reading the note below the display.
Dio's barking laugh rang through the hall and he strutted inside, his muscled, tan body only clad in a crimson speedo and a gold weight belt. "Heh heh heh, long time no see boy! I see you've picked up some new friends!" He noticed Aerith's intent gaze on the Keystone and laughed, "Ah good eyes on you. You like my new piece?"
Tifa looked away from a weird drinking gourd and replied, "Actually, we were wondering if we could borrow it."
Dio threw his head back and laughed, "Sorry, but it's not for rent." He waved them off and stepped out of the room to continue his rounds of the amusement park.
"Wait!" Aerith called, scrambling after him, the others following behind, though Cloud dragged at a slower pace. Dio stopped and turned to look back over his shoulder, one thick eyebrow raised in a silent question. "We need that for our quest!"
Vincent tilted his head and bargained, "You say it isn't for rent, are you willing to sell it?"
Dio shook his head and huffed, "Nope, not for sale." He looked at the group and hummed in thought. "Although…"
"Although?" Zack encouraged when the man trailed off in thought.
Dio shook out of his thought and mused, "Since you have been good for business in the past, I suppose I can let you have it on one condition…" He pointed at Cloud and then smirked towards the Battle Arena.
"I'm still wiped out from all the battles to get the Omnislash skill book," Cloud whimpered, "Does it have to be a battle?"
"Of course!" Dio cried, fists clenched in front of him and a fanatical light in his eyes. "When a man shows his vigor in battle, the crowds are inflamed with his spirit and tickets to watch sell well. At the end, it will be a battle between you and I for the prize!" He flexed his massive biceps and grinned at Cloud.
Zack rolled his eyes at the speedo-clad man and then froze, a sly grin splitting over his face before asking in an innocent tone, "So about how much were you thinking you'd get for tickets to the fight?"
Dio stroked his hairy chin thoughtfully. "Strong as your friend is, I suppose I could optimistically expect my largest stadium to reach 50 percent capacity. If we had longer time to advertise I could stretch it to 70 percent. As a participant you'd get 30 percent of the sales if you lose, 60 percent if you win, any excess goes to the house."
"What if I suggested a contest that would sell out?" Zack asked, rocking back on his heels and folding his arms with a superior smirk on his face.
"Sell out? With a mere few hours of notice?" Dio scoffed. "If you could manage that, I'd raise your winnings to 80 percent with a win and 50 with a loss. If you don't manage to sell out, however your cut goes to 30 whether you win or not." He shot a shark-like grin at the former SOLDIER.
"Deal!" Zack shouted, snatching the man's hand and vigorously shaking it once.
"Zack!" Cloud protested. "Why would you make a deal like that? What on Gaia could you propose that would draw that kind of a crowd?"
Zack loudly cleared his throat and in a loud voice proclaimed, "The contest I propose is a swimsuit contest between Cloud Strife and Dio!" He punctuated the challenge by pointing to each man in turn.
A stunned silence filled the crowded lobby before hushed whispers rose from the nearby patrons. Dio nodded thoughtfully. "A noble challenge, one that I feel very comfortable participating in. I accept. Present yourself at the main arena at 6:30, the contest will begin at 7:00. That gives you about four hours to prepare for defeat!" Laughing heavily, Dio strutted off to make the arrangements.
"Zaaaaack!" Cloud growled. "What in the world made you suggest something like that?"
"But Cloud," Aerith reasoned, "you already said you were tired from fighting for some Omnislash thing. With this contest you won't get hurt… or have to do much at all really."
"Maybe strike some poses or answer some questions," Yuffie interjected looking up briefly from her PHS and whatever message she was frantically typing.
"And what, I'm supposed to win a contest against a bodybuilder in moogle board-shorts?" Cloud hissed, sarcastically. "Because I'm pretty sure that's the only kind of swimwear they sell here!"
"Don't be silly Cloud," Tifa sniffed, fighting a strange smile, "you already have an outfit! Remember that Speedo Priscilla gave you?"
The instant the words left Tifa's mouth a dozen nearby women and a few men went from unobtrusively eavesdropping to blatantly focused on the conversation. Cloud swallowed nervously at the hungry looks in their eyes and fought the urge to look for an escape route. "You wouldn't really…" He trailed off weakly, shoulders slumping since he already knew the answer.
Aerith patted his back and murmured, "It's for a good cause."
"Come on Cloud," Zack laughed, clapping his friend on the back. "Let's get a room at the inn so you have a chance to eat and rest from your battles. Then the ladies can help you primp or whatever."
The blond scowled at his friend's back, a faint green glow of rage in his eyes and he muttered, "I'll make you regret this Zack." Even so, he slowly followed him to the inn at Ghost Square, too tired to deny his body's call for nourishment and rest.
"I am not wearing make-up!" Cloud bellowed, pointing an emphatic finger at Yuffie and then swinging to point at Aerith and Tifa he continued ranting, "And I am not wandering across the Gold Saucer in nothing but one of these flimsy bathrobes!" He brandished the silky black bathrobe with a silver tracery of spiderwebs in one fist.
"Okay okay," Zack soothed, holding his palms towards Cloud. "But then we really need to get going."
Grumbling at the turn of events, Cloud stalked from the room, down the stairs and out of the inn. He desperately tried to ignore the hushed whispers of the people he passed. His enhanced eyesight couldn't avoid noting every gold and white or black and violet badge that glimmered from lapels and shoulders and bracelets… earrings… He shook his head, trying to tamp down his panic. At least they weren't stampeding at him. They kept a respectable distance, parting quietly for his passage though his shoulders twitched with all the cameras and phones trained on him and the rest of the party as they traveled down the thoroughfare to the Gold Saucer's largest arena.
While the Gold Stage in the Event Square was usually large enough for the typical competition, Dio's undying love for manliness and battles meant he crafted an extra large arena for battles and sometimes other sporting events. Due to architectural limitations, he couldn't build the 40,000 seat arena he wanted and had to sink a massive amount of money to design and build something half the size. Sadly, Dio's typical clientele weren't as interested in arena fighting as he was and the stadium spent long spans of time empty. Today however…
Cloud peeked out a narrow crack he made in the curtains and shuddered in horror. Every seat was full and the aisles and balconies were packed with standing patrons. A heavy smack against Cloud's silk-robed back almost sent him through the curtains shielding the pair and from view. "Well boy," Dio barked, "Looks like I'm going to have to eat my words on your friend's bet. We sold out even standing room! I've had my staff arrange for cheaper seats at the Gold Stage with a screen displaying the event. I don't know why I didn't think of doing something like this before. I'm raking in the money with ticket sales both for this and park entrance fees!" He threw his head back and laughed. "You'll get your Keystone and a hefty consolation prize when you lose, so don't feel too bad when it happens."
Cloud grimaced as the man strode away, shoulders thrust back proudly. Dio's red speedo glittered with rhinestones and his whole body gleamed with oil. Cloud clutched the robe tighter around his body and fought the urge to pick at the tiny strip of fabric around his privates. While he wasn't body shy, he wasn't an exhibitionist either and thanks to Zack… he'd have to stand in front of thousands of people in an outfit just a step above naked. The sudden flare of fury burned away his hesitation and he stood straight, eyes flashing, the only recourse for this was revenge.
"That's the spirit!" Dio laughed, fists on his hips. "You were looking like you'd rather shrivel up and blow away a few minutes ago. Even if I'm going to win this competition easily, I don't want it to be that pathetic, I'd look like a bully! It's a shame we can't do much about your pasty complexion though."
Cloud fought back his terror's attempt to return and wrapped the rage and battle-calm about him like his robe. He was determined to see this farce through and then deal swift revenge. "Can't help it," he replied, shoving the anger down deep where it boiled like magma waiting to explode. "I'm from the mountains."
Dio nodded, accepting the explanation and clapped a shovel-sized hand on Cloud's right shoulder. "Right, so here's how this is going to work. Every person got a card with their ticket. One side red for me, one side blue for you," Dio explained flipping his free hand like it was a card. "After we've shown off a bit, the audience will vote with their colors. Pretty simple, right?"
Cloud nodded and tried to slide out from under his grip. Dio bared his teeth in a grin and laughed. "One of my girls is announcing the competition in just a minute, then they'll raise the tent off of us. That means it's time to lose the robe boy."
After a brief, but fruitless struggle, Dio's arm popped out of a slit in the violet tent and he tossed Cloud's robe to Tifa. "Oh dear," she murmured to Aerith, hearing the squeals and whispers around them pick up. "Can we say 'blood in the water'?"
Yuffie's eyes narrowed and a scheming grin slowly spread across her face. In the unlikely event Cloud lost momentum, she now had a back up plan.
In between bites of his nachos, Cid asked Barret, "Don't you think it's kinda harsh to make Cloud face this after learnin' about why he's scared of all those fangirls?"
Barret grunted around a bite of his chili dog and grimaced at the squealing young blonde in the seat next to him that kept bumping him in her excitement. He swallowed and muttered, "Kinda wish I'd stayed behind at the inn with Vincent, Red, and Cait Sith. As for Cloud, he may not look it all the time, but the kid's smart. I bet he's already planning his revenge."
Dio's master of ceremonies stood on the stage outside the tent announcing the competition, the rules and what would happen. Cloud only noted it in the back of his mind because he finally settled on a good form of revenge. A dangerous, toothy smirk crossed the blond's face just as the tent shielding them from view lifted away. The wave of screams struck him like a physical blow, but the sweet lure of vengeance anchored him against the buffeting.
Camera flashes and the stage lights blinded him against seeing most of the crowd, if he pretended the audience's roar was the sound of the blood rushing in his ears, he could almost pretend that he was doing training exercises to the command of a drill sergeant as he turned and posed on command.
Aerith and Yuffie elbowed Tifa with wide grins from both sides when the violet tent whipped away revealing the two men. While Cloud's muscles didn't bulge half as much as Dio's and his body wasn't tanned and greased up, work with massive swords did wonders for his shoulders and arms. A strange smirk was on Cloud's face and his eyes weren't really focused on anything in particular. The hormonal women in the audience screeched and cooed.
"Look at the scars on his abs," a girl behind Tifa moaned in a syrupy sympathetic tone.
"I'm looking!" Another woman chortled.
"He kind of chose a boring suit though," a man murmured with a shake of his head.
His friend snorted, "You would prefer something like Dio's? Guy looks like his ass is on fire." Barret snorted hearing that. They weren't too far off. The crimson fabric and spangling of rhinestones under the spotlights was blinding.
"Heh, maybe he did that to compensate for something?" a younger woman postulated with a dirty laugh.
Barret and Cid exchanged grimaces and shuddered. Meanwhile, on the stage Dio lifted a massive set of weights over his head with a bellow and a grunt. The stage shuddered when they dropped and Dio wiped a trickle of sweat off his face with the back of his wrist. "Go on boy, give it a try! Don't feel bad if you've gotta take a few off though!" He laughed and some of the older women in the audience called his name.
Dio raised his arms up high like a tree soaking in the praise while Cloud pushed on the bar with the bare sole of his right foot. It easily rolled a few inches until he stopped it with his toes. The curiosity on his face faded to be replaced with a smirk.
"Oh man," Zack laughed. "I guess Dio doesn't understand how much power comes from being mako enhanced. He's about to get shown up."
A group behind Zack listened with wide eyes and swiftly clicked away on their phones. All through the arena, people froze, checked their phones and then turned to look at Cloud. The blond rolled the bar back and forth with his foot a few times. "Don't just play with it boy!" Dio laughed. "Go ahead and try to pick it up."
Cloud shrugged and rolled it closer with his foot then hooked the foot under the bar and kicked it up into his waiting hands. Dio's mouth dropped. Cloud frowned down at the weight, hefted it a few times with both hands and then casually lifted it over his head for a few seconds. Then he lowered it behind his neck and rested it on his shoulders, hands draped loosely over it like it was nothing more than a walking stick and smirked at Dio.
The older man slowly closed his mouth and then laughed, "Alright, you got me there boy! Go ahead and put that down, looks like it's time for the judging."
Not quite done showing off, Cloud pulled the bar over his shoulder, and then held out to Dio with only his right hand and innocently asked, "Where should I put this?" Laughter and cheers rocked the massive chamber.
"Heh, I knew there was a showman secretly hiding in there boy!" Dio laughed and lazily pointed to the stage behind them. Grinning, Cloud dropped the weight in place and turned to face the crowd.
"It's time for the final vote!" the peppy young woman in the turquoise wig announced from her corner of the stage. "Everyone get your card ready! Gentlemen, strike a pose! Ladies and Gentlemen, pick your color, Red for Dio, Blue for Cloud!"
Yuffie smirked, even though it looked like Cloud had this in the bag, it never hurt to aim for overkill. "Just like we've been practicing Levi. Enough to soak, not hurt!"
A miniaturized avatar of Leviathan chirruped from Yuffie's lap and sprayed Cloud with water. Cloud gasped, shaking his head. Under the intense light the shimmering droplets of water gleamed on his hair and skin like crystals. Cloud ran both hands up his face and back through his hair, inadvertently making a very model-esque pose.
The roar of screams rang in Cloud's ears and many of the cards facing red flipped to blue. Some over enthusiastic crowd members were tossing anything blue in their possession onto the stage. Cloud's eyes bulged and he blushed when a blue bra bounced off his knee.
Dio clapped Cloud on the back, laughing as blue rained down on them. "Well boy, looks like you won this time. Come and see me when you've dried off, I'll give you what you wanted and your cut of the ticket price. I'm not even mad though, we made quite a bundle!" Releasing his booming laugh, Dio hopped off the stage. The crowd parted to let him through.
For one moment, Tifa was afraid Cloud would be mobbed trying to escape and it looked like he was afraid of that too. Zack snatched the robe off Tifa's lap and leaped onto the stage, snatching the microphone from the woman acting as MC and called, "Ladies and gentlemen! Thank you so much for your support tonight. We'd love to stay longer for your viewing pleasure. Unfortunately Cloud is soaking wet and poorly clothed so we'd ask that you let us leave so he can take care of that." He handed Cloud the robe and the younger man gratefully threw it over his shoulders, ignoring the universal groan of disappointment.
"Yes, yes, I know, sad to see it go," Zack agreed using his cheery, showman voice. "But as I said before, Cloud is wet and it is kind of cold out. I'm sure you don't want him getting sick right?" A grudging murmur of agreement went through the crowd. "Awesome, thanks so much for the support!" Zack blew a kiss to the crowd, returned the microphone, and then slung an arm around Cloud's shoulder to lead him through the small gap to the exit.
On the way back to the inn, Cloud murmured, "While I'm grateful for the rescue there, I hope you realize it doesn't make up for getting me in the situation in the first place."
Zack laughed.
Once Cloud had a chance to shower and dress in his normal clothing, he felt a bit better about crossing the Gold Saucer to get his prizes. Dio waited in the hall of oddities, a massive bag at his feet and the Keystone in hand. "You were a bold opponent boy, it was a good challenge. The revenue wasn't bad either, perhaps this could become a more frequent event…" He mused stroking his mustache thoughtfully. He shook himself out of the thought and bent down to retrieve the sack. "Here's your take of the ticket sales for the win and as promised, the Keystone."
Cloud nodded and dropped the Keystone in his pouch, then held the mouth of the pouch as wide as he could and dropped the much larger sack inside. For half a moment, the tall man gaped at the sight and then shook it off, slapping Cloud on the back. "We'll meet again!" he barked and then strode out of the hall laughing.
"Man that guy laughs a lot," Cid grumbled, shaking his head. "So's this mean we're gonna hit the road?"
Cloud nodded and they started the trek back to the terminal station. They attracted quite a few looks on the way, but no one stopped them, for which the blond was grateful.
Cloud slowed when they reached the circular terminal. Even though it was getting late, a large amount of people were coming in the entrance. Noting the distress on some of their faces and the angry muttering from others, he frowned and worked his way through the crowd to the front where a harried employee manning the station announced, "We're very sorry for the inconvenience, but due to an unusually high amount of traffic, the tram is out of order. The safety of our guests is paramount so please be patient while we work to perform maintenance and repairs."
She bowed in apology and the front of the crowd worked their way back into the saucer while the ones who didn't hear pushed forward and she repeated her announcement. Cloud returned to the group and shook his head. "I guess it is a good thing we forgot to return our inn keys," Barret muttered with a grunt.
Cloud shook his head, "Let's go back and figure out where to go next. Hopefully the repairs won't take too long."
A/N: It was only after I wrote out the whole swimsuit thing that I saw a "photo" of Dio on the wiki… yeah, he's a hairy monster with a really weird mustache. Sorry, I made him like a greased up body builder because… yeah… it just fit better. So I have to know, did I surprise anyone with the changed contest? XD