The caves went on. And on. And on. And on. And before he knew it, stalagmites had tripped him up, stalagtites had dripped water down on him, and P-chan was scurrying along, trying to find Kagome-san, Sango-san, the monk, and Shippo and his minion, Inuyasha. Of course, he did not.
As a matter of fact, he had somehow gotten over three hundred miles away from them, traveling all the way from sixteenth century backwaters to the outskirts of a town that looked like it was from costume dramas set in the feudal era of Japan, but that was ridiculous. There was no way he was in the feudal era of Japan.
That would require tons of bad luck, and he was sure that there was some kind of quota for that. There was a limit to how much you could max out a credit card.
So he thought nothing of it when he came across a green imp-like creature, a little peasant girl, and some classy-looking, elegant, silver-haired young man wearing old-fashioned robes, a cute fluffy thing trailing along behind his shoulders.
P-chan stared longingly at that cute fluffy thing trailing along behind that guy's shoulders. If only he could curl up and...
"Awww, so cute!" the little peasant girl said, rushing over and scooping him up in her hands. Her palms were rough, splintered, and calloused, her clothes patched and thin. Her dark hair was choppy, and her teeth were chipped and uneven. Ryoga's eyes welled up. She looked just like he did when he traveled long distances with no map. The poor girl. How she must have suffered. What a cruel world, where so many got lost, just like him.
"Rin! Put that piglet down!" the green imp man said, also rushing over with a stick in his hands. It was a strange double-headed stick, topped with a carving of an old man and a young woman.
Rin stuck her tongue out. "Don't wanna, Jaken-sama."
Ryoga had never heard of anyone named Jaken. But then he knew people named Shampoo, Cologne, and Mousse, so maybe they were related.
Maybe Cologne had a long-lost family member who was green.
"I say, what a cheeky little girl you are! Do not adopt every mangy stray animal you see! What will happen if you get fleas? Or ticks?" Jaken sounded like a scolding education mama, which he probably was. Ryoga's eyes welled up again. What a cruel world he lived in, to be called a mangy stray. He didn't have any fleas or ticks! That was an unwarranted accusation!
The fashionable-looking young lord stared at the commotion, at P-chan, and at Jaken. Ryoga's eyes welled up for a third time. That stare. What a cold stare. It was a glacier. A blizzard. That stare was Siberia incarnate.
This was such a cruel world.
"Sesshomaru-sama!" Jaken said in quite the ingratiating voice. Near as Ryoga could tell, Sesshomaru was the boss. Peasants didn't have eyes like that. "Surely, you will agree with me that this is no time or place for adopting stray piglets!"
In the days afterward, Ryoga would wake up in a cold sweat, wondering what Sesshomaru would have said had a giant centipede demon not burst out of the woods and attacked them. Maybe he would have agreed with Jaken. Maybe Rin would have dumped him in a ditch and left with her two companions.
That didn't happen, though. What did happen was a massive Shi Shi Hokodan and a giant smoking crater. He was getting the hang of it in pig form now.
Sesshomaru arched one sharp eyebrow at a stunned Jaken, whose eyes were twitching, whose mouth was gaping, whose robes were blackened with smoke.
"The piglet may stay."
Rin cheered.
A/N: Ryoga impressing Sesshomaru in piglet form is what crack fic dreams are made of...
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