Not a fool this time… chapter 9
"Of course," Walter said and opened the passenger side door for her, gave her his laptop case to hold then went around to get behind the wheel. The drive went a few miles in silence.
"Sorry, did not mean to unload on you like that….. and I won't say 'Mr. O'Brien'."
"You still have an unrealistic view of me," Walter said. "You do not know the whole history just glowing later segments."
"Isn't that enough?"
"NO! Did you ever think I have a reason for my behavior? That I may have actions I must atone for? That I may be responsible for deaths due to my actions?"
"I have spent time with you, you are selfless, help people, show kindness. No, no reason you to have to atone for anything."
Walter took the car off the freeway at the next exit, drove back roads through residential areas until the houses grew farther and farther apart to the open rural spaces. Through the dry hills heading to the higher elevations to pull into a vista point, park the car, got out to walk to the railing and look out over the valley below. She watched him stand there gazing over the valley then got out to join him. He stood there gazing and started to talk:
"When I was eleven, living on my parent's farm in Ireland, I hacked into NASA- I wanted the blueprints of the space shuttle for my wall. The US government sent helicopters and armed troops to arrest the person who hacked into a supposedly secure NASA- me. Off I went in handcuffs to be held for three days. One agent was impressed with my abilities so for a couple years he sent me puzzles, things to decrypt, cyphers, codes. When I was fourteen, he asked if I wanted to take on a real project. Up to then I was considered a freak, challenged, mentally deficient by parents, teachers, neighbors- everyone but my older sister and this agent. To be asked to take on such a task, I was flattered. A real project of making a program for military aid packages to be dropped where needed. I did, I made such a program, quickly to get the aid where needed- at the expense of accuracy. I made that program and was proud when I gave it to him- to later turn on the telly and see my software used to drop bombs on Bagdad- without accuracy so that one thousand eight hundred thirty-four innocent men, women and children died, the youngest a four month old girl. MY responsibility for so many deaths of innocents." He turned to look at her, "Your deference to my character is a mockery of my moral responsibility to all those dead civilians."
He returned to the car, Gale following. He held the door open for her then got behind the wheel to complete the drive back to LA. He dropped her off at her workplace, then continued to drive into the mountains around LA. In the early morning hours he returned to the garage. He pulled into the garage and sat in the car for a moment, then closed up, locked up and set the security system. He then sat at his desk knowing that bringing up the Bagdad bombing brought it to the fore in his mind which meant the nightmares would be back…. with a vengeance. He can put off sleep a long time, but not forever. Should he go to bed now so the nightmare will take him tonight or put it off as long as possible. He had worked through last night getting that security program completed- already up for over thirty-six hours. He got up and prowled around the garage to return to his desk. Then, giving himself up to the inevitable he climbed the stairs to the loft, showered and went to bed. He lay looking at the ceiling for some time then dozed off to fully sleep… within two hours the tossing started then the full horror of the nightmare. The dead and maimed in search of their murderer, they pursued Megan as she tried to run, her crutches slowed her down until she was surrounded, overtaken and engulfed.
Gale put in the security code and let herself in the garage. She had to talk with Walter. Why did he think a fourteen year old child could be responsible for what the military did with his program- he was an innocent, himself. Fourteen and taking on such a burden. She looked around the garage- the Ferrari was parked so he was surely here. She walked to his desk to see the laptop still in its case which was unusual as he always put it open on his desk when in the garage. The garage was so quiet, she could hear his voice in the loft but heard no other. She went to the foot of the stairs and called, "Walter?" No reply but incoherent murmurers and gasps. "Walter, it's Gale, you OK?" She went up the stairs to the open door of the loft and could hear him.
"Ahhhhh, run, RUN… I didn't know, RUN…. I'm sorry…. SORRY! MEGAN!"
Gale ran into the bedroom to see Walter tangled in the bed sheets, fighting to free himself still in deep sleep, tears streaming, breathing in gasps of air. She grabbed his shoulders to shake him awake, "WALTER, Walter, wake up!"
"Ahhhgh" His eyes snapped open in mid-yell coming upright to a stiff sitting position with arms outstretched. "Oh god, oh god," he mumbled putting his hands over his face to fall back on the bed.
"Walter, wake up….. are you alright? My god are you alright?"
He lay there with his arm over his eyes. "What are you doing here? Why are you here? Get out, get out…..get OUT of here!"
"Walter, I am so sorry, how can I help, please let me help."
Walter pulled the tangled sheets off and got up. "You want to help? Leave me alone-GET OUT OF HERE!" He walked to the bathroom and turned on the water for a shower- when it was hot he got in and leaned against the wall and let the hot water flow over him.
Gale watched him walk to the bathroom and shut the door. She went downstairs stood there then went to the kitchen to start the coffee. Then went to the desk where she worked the coding project with him weeks ago. She leaned back in her chair and wondered if he has had nightmares like that since he was fourteen. She pulled out her phone and called her father. She told him of the talk at the vista point and now of the traumatic nightmare, obviously related. She listened to her father for a number of minutes while the shower water was running. She heard the water shut off and Walter moving around the loft. After a few more minutes she said, "Thanks, lov ya, dad," and put her phone back in her purse on the desk. She girded herself the coming conversation when Walter emerged from the loft, coming down stairs. He looked at her sitting there in thought then went into the kitchen.
"Thanks for get the coffee started. Why are you still here?"
"Wanted to know if you have any computer work you need help with."
"No, so you can leave."
"You will have to bodily throw me out."
"Why the hell are you so fixated on me?" He asked heatedly. "Admit you were wrong and move on to the next subject of your hacking antics." He left her sitting there and went to the workbench the Datsun engine was sitting on. Then turned to look at the Ferrari.
"Nope," Gale said. "No driving today."
"You ever drive a Ferrari…. or any performance car for that matter?"
"Yeah, right. When am I ever going to get behind the wheel of a hundred thousand dollar car?"
"Today," Walter said and went to his desk to get the keys, came back and pitched them to her. "Come on, you want to spend the day with me, get your butt in gear. You do know how to work a clutch and shift gears, don't you?"
"Yes, but you really expect me to drive this expensive car?"
"Ferrari, Datsun, Chevy, V-dub, all internal combustion engine what's the difference? Just the name and price tag." He opened the driver side door and pointed to the seat. "Get in, the day awaits."
She got in and started it while he opened the big door and stood there looking at her. Gale looked at him, pushed in the clutch, put it in first and hit the gas VAROOOOOOM! She lifted her foot from the gas pedal and looked at Walter.
"Yes, touchy, a light foot on the gas is best. Get a move on."
She lightly pressed on the gas, slowly let out the clutch and moved fifteen feet so he could close the door. "Wow," Walter said. "Slip that clutch."
"You aren't making this any easier, you know."
"Try again, like to get out of LA before nightfall."
He closed up, set the security and got in the car. "OK, let's go"
"Go where?"
Three blocks that way, turn left and into the open parking lot. The strip mall is boarded up so the lot is empty. You can get the feel of the clutch and gas by doing some stop and go. Get used to it we can head out of town- nice drive on the back roads and appreciate how it handles….. go."
Not going over fifteen miles an hour she made it to the parking lot. "OK, start and stop for a bit to get used to gas and clutch engagement… try and not burn the clutch…. go, any time you are ready."
For forty minutes she did stop and go circles in the parking lot, finally working the gas and clutch smoothly- even getting into second gear twice. "OK, you got the hang of it now. Let's go straight east. Two blocks turn left then this street will take you through town, residential area, then on into the open space. Just stay on this road," Walter said then sat back and closed his eyes. She drove slow, but was getting used to it with the stop signs of the residential area and curves getting into the more rural.
"Think the freeway would be easier- just get to speed and go." She said.
"But you won't appreciate the handling- freeways are boring. Just keep heading east."
"This is rather nice- no massive traffic jams, no slow conga lines of traffic," she remarked after driving a few miles.
"Quit using the brakes; downshift…. without popping the clutch unless you like chewing on the steering wheel," Walter said opening his eyes. "Two miles farther is a gas station and restaurant. Pull up to the pumps and shut down."
Sure enough, two more miles and 'round a bend there was a gas station with a restaurant. She pulled up to a gas pump and shut it down. She got out as Walter did and followed him into the station.
"Hey, Walt, long time no see. How's it going? Been working too much?"
"Have to work to afford your gas prices, Dave, much less Sara's burger and pie."
"Give me the keys and head on over. I'll fill 'er up and pull it around to the door"
Walter put his hand out for Gale to give him the car keys then pitched them to Dave, then headed to the restaurant. He held the door for Gale and she followed him to sit at the counter.
"Walter! How you been?"
"Been busy. Sara, this is Gale. Gale this is Dave's wife Sara- best pie maker in SoCal. So what is the pie of the day?"
"Apple crumb. Just out of the oven an hour ago so probably still warm. So what brings you out here this time of day?"
"Driving lessons and sick of the city today…. not been a real good day.
"Come on Walter, when is there a good day in the city? Smog, noise, obnoxious people- gotta' get out to where there is some fresh air and breathe deep. Both with the usual?"
"Yup, she will have the same."
Sara went into the back to prepare the burgers and pie. Walter got up to look out the big window at the dry, brown hills. Dave just pulling in by the door. He came into the restaurant and pitched the keys to Walter.
"So what's new, Walt?"
"Found a new site you might like. … has some excellent math on it- did five the other night- routed through Denver. Also did a good hypothetical a few months back- posited three predicates and went from there."
"I'll check it out. Had a few boring evenings and the usual sites are getting redundant. Nothing came back on your rerouting?"
"Yup, all OK, so should be good to go. In another week or so I will be back to reroute your path just in case."
"Enjoy your lunch and drive careful. I have a Chevy 350 sitting on the bench waiting for me."
"Yeah, I am pulling the Datsun apart- engine on the bench at home…. working a full ground up….. and yes, keeping it stock."
Sara came out from the back with two platters with steaming cheese burgers and placed them on the counter went back and came out with two plates of apple crumb pie. "Here you go, enjoy."
"Excellent as always, Sara." Walter said getting up and giving her two hundreds. "See you next time I need to get out of the city to breathe."
"Yes, it really was excellent. Thanks." Gale said following Walter out the door.
"Keys are in it, let's go," Walter said opening the driver side door for her, then getting in the passenger side.
"Where to now?"
"Back to the garage. Traffic should be light by now." He sat back and closed his eyes.
Gale started the car and pulled out to return to the city. "I take it you make this drive often? Nice people, and that apple pie really was delicious."
"Dave is a mathematician of the highest order. We converse in numbers sometimes. Lovely, precise language."
"You are right, do get a feel for the car- feel like I have been driving it for years."
"Umhum." Was the last utterance Walter made until she pulled up to the garage.
Pulling up to the garage, Walter got out and opened the place up so she could pull the car in. Then closed up and went to the workbench to continue removing parts from the Datsun engine. Gale went to the kitchen to get the coffee going. She sat back down to watch him work until the coffee quit gurgling. She went to the kitchen and poured each a cup and returned to put his on the workbench within reach and returned to the chair.
"How does a 'mathematician of the highest order' end up at an out of the way, desolate gas station?"
"Dave was also used by the military. His nightmare finally stopped."
"Why are yours still so vivid?"
"They, the dead and maimed get my sister, I can never prevent them from getting her; she was physically incapable of escape."
"Where is your sister?"
"She died three years ago- MS. My research for a cure failed. One failure after another."
"You can't be held responsible for every death in the world, Walter. Is the manufacturer of a knife responsible when someone uses it to hurt another? A young child taken advantage of by adults should not carry the burden of what the adults did. You are a very…. well, exceptionally intelligent person, why can't you see the logic?"
"I am not cognizant of the human psyche enough to follow the whys and wherefores of the unconscious working of the mind."
"Have you thought of seeing someone who is?"
"My parents and teachers sent me to shrinks to be constantly assaulted with the why- why do you think that, why did you come to that conclusion, why do you do that- never ended well."
"There have been great strides in the exploration of the human mind since you were a child, you know."
"Yes, but none have been of benefit to date. Dave managed on his own, mainly, I gather, thanks to Sara."
"How so, what has she done?"
"She made him human. She managed to excise his demons and gave him peace. I gathered together a group of like minds, geniuses all and made myself a family that understood. With Paige I discovered the concept of love and how it could still the demons raging inside….. how so very wrong I was. For a supposedly smart person, I thought incredibly wrong on all fronts, so another failure."
"Why is it always YOU who has failed? Have any idea how many women would give their soul for the love of a man like you? Do you know how many people would give anything to be on a team with you? Have any idea how many people check the visitor parking spaces to see if there is a blue Ferrari parked there and how much faster they walk to get inside when it is? You have heard of the destruction of a 'perfect storm'. You were unfortunate to have had the 'perfect love' the 'perfect team' and everything crashed and burned. There are so very many people who thank the gods you are who you are, appreciate you, care about you, but you stay shut up in this garage. Close yourself off, isolate yourself, making sure you are alone which ensures your being unhappy. Your team left, your love left, so leave them behind and go in search of better- it is out there, you just have to look for it."