pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq
(Rosè PoV)
I was last in detention. It was late and I had taken the time to make my hair shine and a little mascara to make my eyes bright. I was in my combat skirt and leggings to give him something to look at and besides, I was most comfortable in my combat wear.
He seemed a little surprised when he saw me once I walked in past Pine. She rolled her eyes at me as we passed one another but the general hope was that I would be so on point he would have to notice me. I had every edge over Peach who had been first and who was my only other openly declared competition. His eyes went a little wide as he looked up at me.
"Color me a little surprised Rosé. Do you have a date tonight?"
Yes. "No." Perhaps I had over done it a little. I didn't want him to think I was some tramp. "I'm just a little dolled up, that's all."
"Okay. Sure." Did he know? He could be incredibly perceptive at times. Would that be a bad thing if he knew? That was the better question. It was one thing I couldn't really decide myself. On the one hand I wanted him to know eventually. I mean duh. It would be hard to keep it a secret from him in the longest term and I didn't really want to. It was just a question of when. For example, I didn't want him to know tonight. That would be a bad thing. Maybe like a few years down the line, then. Once that age gap closed a little. That would be nice. Maybe by then I would be much more womanly and have a real figure for him to feast his eyes on.
That's what I really wanted. I wanted him to see me as an adult. I wanted to be seen as womanly. I looked at him in his blue tunic with the hint of a breastplate peeking over the edge. It made his eyes almost glow. They had power to them. Real power. Life or death power. And they hummed with it. I breathed in. His office smelled like him. The hint of ozone and some spices. His power always gave off the fragrance of ozone. Like he was a walking talking thunderbolt from the Gods. And I'd seen him fight. And the air couldn't help but decompile and recombine in his presence into larger molecules. That's what gave off that odor. It was particularly pungent when his semblance was active and he was covered in blue flames the same hue as his eyes. He looked positively dashing when his power was in full effect.
Compared to that I felt like a little girl. And I was tired of that feeling. I wanted him to have eyes for me only. Only for me. I wanted him to stare at me with that sort of hungry desire that a man only feels for a woman.
In my current trappings I couldn't help but imagine I was giving off the entirely wrong impression. He thought I was headed out on a date with some guy. But really what guy could compare to him? All the guys my age were total loser's in comparison to Cloud. The day before initiation they had strutted about and tried to show off to the girls with their bodies. (Cloud didn't need to show off his body although he had a rocking one with a tight chest and butt.) He had other things going for him. Maturity. Power. Intelligence. Kindness.
What more could a girl want?
That was literally the complete package. There was nothing I could think to add. He would make an excellent prince. He never really cared that I was a Gainsborough. He was willing to stare down my Dad and my brother.
"Rosé?" I caught his voice.
"I was listening?" I tried. He gave me a look with a slow smile that told me that he knew I was lying. Did it come with being a teacher or just from being my teacher.
"That's quite alright. This is detention. I bet you had plans that didn't involve spending time with grizzly old me. It's supposed to be a punishment."
But how wrong you were, Cloud. This is better than any planned evening I could have had. It was him and I alone in a room. What more could I ask for?
This was perfect. It was basically a date in its own right.
"So we haven't talked in a while…" I led.
"It's been a minute," he agreed. "Are you settling into your team well?"
"I think so. Once you get over her competitive streak Pine is great to get along with. At least for me. And Peach and I have things in common and Yuma is easy to talk to. She's just a little nervous at times but in other ways she has boldness. My team is great. They're exactly what I was really looking for when I wanted to go to school here. It's a bit of a dream come true and that's all thanks to you."
"Come now. You worked hard and got into school here on your own merits." He looked back to his monitor and typed away. It looked like he was setting up the matches for the older years.
"So what's it like being a Professor now?" I asked.
"It's a lot of hard work but no more than you would expect. And there is the usual crushing weight of the notion of my failures. That's always there. You know a bit about that."
"You think most of us will die," I interpreted.
"Most of you will probably die. It's the nature of the beast called Remnant. That's why I do what I can with the extra lessons."
"How are you a failure, then? How is it your fault? We chose this. All of us did."
"If you live, that's on you. If you die then that's on me. I didn't teach you well enough to survive our harsh world. That's my fault. Isn't it?"
"Not really. I think you're doing the best you can and it's good enough."
"You think good enough is good enough? Not in my position. Not with what's at stake.'
"But why is it all on you if we die? I don't get it. Isn't a little of the blame on us? You're being too hard on yourself. Again."
If there was one thing I would change about Cloud it was that he was always down on himself. He saw himself as a monster and murderer. If only I could help him see himself the way that I saw him. And all these issues he had stemmed from somewhere. Probably with his family which was off limits to talk about. But I'm sure he had a good reason for that. Families were hard to manage. They had a lot of moving parts to them that were hard to exactly place. I was sure the things that put him on bad terms with his family had to do with his huntsmanship. He said he was always going to have been a fighter. Maybe this family stuff had to do with that.
"How did you get your start as a huntsman?" I asked. I was naturally curious about him. Blame a girl.
"Here a Beacon was where I started. I wasn't very good but my partner took me under her wing and helped me out. I had had a little education before that too in the Grimm lands with my father."
"About your father…"
"Easy Rosé. Let sleeping dogs lie."
"It's Merlot, isn't it?"
He sighed.
"Oh come on. It can't be that bad. What's the deal with your family? Why do you have conflict with them?"
"It's pretty bad. Drop it Rosé."
"Fine. What was your partner like? I already know she died at the battle of Beacon."
"My partner was… a princess. But not royalty. She did so much for me out of the kindness of her heart. At the dance that's coming up, during my year, I bet that if she couldn't find a date, then I would wear a dress. And for the record I rocked that dress."
I giggled a little. "What color was it?"
"White," he answered back immediately with a sure fire grin. "So yeah I lost the bet. I couldn't believe no one asked her to the dance."
"Why didn't you?" I wondered.
"Honest answer?" He asked.
I nodded. "Honestly."
"I'm a fucking idiot when it comes to women. You would literally not believe it. She liked me all along but I just-I had no clue. I was as dense as a ton of bricks and I never got any better. My luck with the ladies has been exactly that: luck. Dumb, stupid, blind, idiotic luck. That's all and nothing more. I have no idea what the signs are that a girl likes a guy. All the girls who have confessed to me had to tell me outright or go even further for me to finally get the message. I'm an absolute fucking moron. I'm in the dark and it's where I belong."
I laughed at him out loud. I couldn't help it. It was just too funny. The perceptive hunter I had been dancing around was coming out and telling me that he had no idea I was into him and he probably wouldn't figure it out. He really thought he was dumb. Which maybe was true when it came to women. He was talented in other areas so much that I couldn't help but believe it.
He chuckled a little too but it was a shade darker and it seemed maliciously self directed. It made me stop. I didn't like that low laugh of his very much. It suddenly changed the context of his little speech a little. Suddenly it seemed dramatically less humorous and much more depressing.
"Did you ever figure out that she liked you?"
"Not until minutes before she died. No. Way too slow and way too late. It's funny."
"It's sad," I disagreed.
"But it's also a little funny. Come now, if you can't laugh at yourself, who can you laugh at? And I deserve to be laughed at a little. Fucking idiot." He twisted his jaw and bit his cheek. It was clear he was talking to himself.
"It bothers you a lot."
"Of course it bothers me. I'd be insane if it didn't. Think about it, months rolled by and I had no idea and when I found out I can't do shit. I think that would bother anyone."
"But you think it's funny too," I observed.
"It is a little funny but it's only funny in that way that something horrible is a little funny," he pointed out.
"You're a little messed up," I realized all at once. I'd seen him kill people and like it but I never truly had it settle in on me that he was the far side of fucked until just that minute. Maybe I was viewing him through rose tinted lenses.
"And all hunters are," he agreed readily.
"That means you are too, though."
He said nothing in quiet agreement.
"You don't see a problem with that?" I asked.
"Of course I see my problems. I have to live with them. How could I fail to notice them? In my face all the time. But this is nothing new. You saw me kill and like it. You knew that I'm fucked up. Didn't you?"
"It's only settling in right about now." Oh gods, and I was still attracted to him even knowing what I knew. Maybe I was messed up too. Maybe it had to do with him. That wasn't a good sign. That was a red flag for sure.
"Cute. Shit. Don't panic?"
"You really are a murderer."
"Yeah," he muttered. "I really am. Not much I can do about it but direct it towards good and healthy goals. Limit myself to bandits and other murderers. But yeah. I really, really am. I like killing people and I like the power I hold over life and death. It feels good. And aren't I allowed something that feels good. But it's no matter. I have all kinds of problems besides the ones you know about. I come with a lot of baggage. It's a real problem. I shouldn't be around children. I'm going to break some of you or fuck some others up in my own twisted way. But I had to give it a try."
"Why?" It sounded childish to my own ears but I couldn't help it.
"I wanted to do some good. Or try to, at least. I wanted to bring something real into the world. Something genuine."
"I think I understand. It's a bit like why I wanted to be a huntress."
"And why did you decide to be a huntress?"
"Well with my upbringing I could have been anything. I could even have done nothing if I had wanted. So I decided to sacrifice and to struggle. Because I could."
"Yeah I suppose it is a little like that. It's just important for me to understand my own limits and to sometimes set them where no one else can. I could be running this town in terms of the criminals. I could so easily fall again but I wanted to not. I wanted to have some genuine impact."
"We're a bit alike. You and I. I think so, at least."
"A bit," he agreed. "Not too much. Just a little. You still have your whole career ahead of you but for me it feels like most of mine is in the past now."
"Because of your issues?" I asked.
"Yeah. I'm sort of at the top of the anthill at the moment but sooner or later someone's going to knock me down and put me in my place."
"What's your 'place?'"
"At the bottom of it all. I will fail. I sort of… with my mother… I have to make a move eventually. She's… she's worse than my father and I got to try at some point. But it will probably kill me."
"Can't I get a straight answer?'
"No, because I really don't have any for you. If I did I would care to share but I just plain don't. How were your last week's with your family?"
"Good. They were fine, I mean. Chrome still doesn't want me to be a huntress. That caused some tension. Then my mom kept pestering me."
"What about?"
You. "Just huntress stuff. It got tiresome eventually and I was glad for the switch to Beacon," I dodged.
"Don't really want to talk about family stuff, eh? Can't really blame you. So I don't. We really don't have to chat about your family stuff. And your brother is a handful. He's already earned detention with me several times. He seems to blame me. Imagine that."
"Yeah, imagine."
"I don't think that you're having to imagine real hard."
"He's always been the overprotective type of guy. It started out sweet but it eventually just becomes overbearing. It's one thing when we are young but I'm an adult now. I don't need him dogging every step of mine. I'm a huntress."
"You're still a kid and you're still in training."
I shot him a glare.
"Don't shoot the messenger. Really I'm still a kid. Or I want to be a kid again at least. I'm way in over my head pretty much twenty-four seven. It's a problem and I would and have killed to reduce the number of problems I deal with. Think about what I would do to this one."
"Well I don't want to be a kid. And I'm tired of you looking at me like one."
"Sorry."
"Sorry as in you'll stop? Or sorry as in you're guilty and you want me to stop?"
"Well I hope you've gotten some punishment by chatting with me because your time is up. You're free to go out on your date or whatever."
No, time, come back. Where have you gone? Can't you stay a little while longer?
I sighed and got back up to my feet.
"I keep telling you there is no date," I shot back at him.
"Then what's with the mascara? All that's here is me."
"I… you…"
"Have a good night Rosé."
Fucking idiot!
pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq
-WG