People can feel ashamed or embarrassed for the most varied reasons, it depends on everyone's individual sensitivity, however it usually concerns a serious event, an action, a behavior or words said that are quite reprehensible. Usually, the negative feeling remains confined to that event.

As he walked into his real estate firm for the first time in about a month, Nagato found himself practically ashamed of himself. He was uncomfortable with the very fact of existing. He almost wanted to apologize to every person he met for forcing him to look at his appearance, which he believed to be particularly ugly and unworthy, and for having survived that choice that he had deemed essential for at least one day. Naruto didn't seem to see him, the redhead didn't understand why he had wanted to host him at his house if he couldn't say anything else that he had to pick up his life from where he had left it. He thought it inevitable that the affair with Itachi was over, however now he felt drained and without any purpose.

Don't you have anyone left to show that you're in pain, Nagato?

Maybe he ended up taking care of himself, maybe Naruto was busy and didn't have time to constantly babysit him.

In reality, Nagato had realized several times, throughout his life, that he had within himself the answers to his questions that were clearly evident, only that he simply did not want to see them because they entered into conflict with what he wanted to be and he had built artificially around since he was very small. He had ended up hiding his true self so well that he couldn't find it again even if he wanted to. His life had always been studded with powerful and opposite contrasts such as: love / hate; I want you / I don't need you; I need help / I can manage on my own.

Digging into the past, Nagato saw that his first relationship, namely the one with the mother common to every child, had already been marked by this pattern. He loved his mother yet he held her responsible for being different from her. He saw her giving him love but her belief that he was actually disappointed in him made him feel undeserving of any attention.

Each mold with which each of us is created is used only once and then thrown away, yours, Nagato, was not defective, it was simply more particular than others but no less interesting and fascinating.

Naruto had told him this and at the time he had considered this explanation to be very right, in short, he didn't flinch.

But why did this damn particular mold happen to me?

The first of the answers that he had always buried inside peeked out and he, for the first time, tried not to reject it. Since he now felt alone in the world it was worth a try.

Because someone, loving you and believing you worthy, wanted to make you special.

He sighed heavily immersed in his thoughts. The relationship he had with food was identical to the one he had with his mother: I need you / I don't want you.

He loved food, this was the thing that could seem senseless. On certain occasions, walking down the street, he had happened to pass in front of a pastry shop or simply in front of the display table of some ice cream vendor, he had been able to stand still in front of it even for whole half hours imagining what all those delights he saw. He devoted a good ten minutes each to each pastry and ice cream, even if only printed, remaining motionless in a kind of trance.

On other days he had been certain that he would give in by swallowing half the world in an instant, that's why he loved cooking and handling food so much, it was a method to have a close relationship with it while not eating it. This prevented him from exploding into a disastrous out-of-control binge that would ruin everything in minutes.

He had envied Itachi to the point of hate, this was another one of those kept secret answers that he was now bullying his way through. In fact, the dark-haired man made no effort not to eat, consequently becoming increasingly thin, his stomach was full of that pain which in his case was recognized by all with full rights. Itachi wasn't in danger of failing miserably in a binge as could have happened to him at any moment.

Itachi was strong, he wasn't. Itachi succeeded, he failed. Itachi was beautiful, he was a freak of nature. Itachi had all the attention of the others, he was transparent.

So Nagato had still lived in the belief that his pain was second rate and that the pain of others had, somehow, much more value than his. Now Itachi was no longer there to put this sort of competition in front of him, Naruto didn't seem to value this either, the last gesture he had made to show everyone that he was suffering was as if he had never existed. The blond, always smiling and positive, behaved as if he were a person equal to all the others.

Is he really like that? Am I not different? Am I worthy, am I worthy to succeed at something, and can I do everything others do?

Being with his clients and talking all day helped him, he had rediscovered that he was genuinely interested in the needs of the people who contacted him and doing everything possible for them came naturally to him. At the beginning he had considered the resumption of work as an excuse not to think about food for at least a few hours, only to then make the pleasant and unexpected discovery that there was something else for him too. When he saw them shaking his hand smiling and satisfied, thanking him for the good work done, Nagato felt reborn. Satisfaction did not come from mere remuneration but from those happy faces that seemed to shine with relief at having found a long-sought solution, perhaps even in vain.

Nagato had always been a perfectionist in the tasks assigned to him, however he had never considered that added value that has absolutely no price: the personal satisfaction derived from helping others without asking for anything in return. Nagato had decided, this time not unconsciously, to try to devote himself more to helping others to see what would come out of it, he too could very well take part in the various volunteer and charity activities that Naruto carried on.

Maybe this is the key to stop being transparent, relieving other people's pain could help me throw my own out.

After all, Nagato always knew where to put his hands when he was interacting with people at all times, except the ones where he jumped out at the food for whatever reason. An invitation to lunch, dinner, or simply an aperitif or breakfast are almost always the first things people think of when they want to start a relationship or consolidate the ones they already have, when they want to thank you for something or simply do something that makes you Pleasure. Nagato had always wanted to have friends but the fact that to make and keep them one must necessarily pass through the food pit had meant that he had remained isolated for most of his life. Eating in front of others was one of those things for which he felt ashamed almost a priori as if it were a grave fault.

Ah, but then Nagato isn't feeling bad, he's just pretending.

This sentence, born only from his head, he felt as if it were material and tangible every time he ingested something in front of someone.

His morbid pleasure in manipulating food, cooking and reading dozens of recipe books led him to prepare tons of goodies every night for dinner at Naruto's house. Every minute he had of free time he spent, in fact, in the blond's kitchen.

"Nagato, I'm glad you prepare all this stuff, delicious among other things, but in terms of quantity it's a bit abundant then I'm practically alone when I eat it since you swallow a few mouthfuls and then you run away or you stick to a beer. From today on I will invite some friends to dinner."

The wooden spoon that Nagato was holding, with which he was making some custard by hand, fell crashing into the pot making such an unexpected noise that it made even him jump. He couldn't believe it, Naruto was about to realize one of his strongest and deepest fears every day: eating in front of someone. He was aware that while there were guests at dinner, he certainly couldn't ignore them by starting to read, watch television or downing beers in front of them as if there were no tomorrow.

Naruto, it seems you are doing this on purpose.

He naturally displayed his best calmness and gentleness: "Okay, who's coming tonight?"

"I was thinking about Kiba, we haven't seen each other in ages."

For Nagato that evening had been literally torture, he almost never wore make-up and hadn't paid attention to dressing for some time already, however on that occasion he had the idea that perhaps, if the guest's eyes had been distracted by something , he would not have noticed what was happening on his plate.

The redhead had pulled his hair back revealing that face that Naruto didn't remember ever seeing in its entirety, he had put on a rosy foundation and blush to hide the too pale complexion, he had chosen them rather warm so that they were matching the wine red of the hair. He had to admit that Itachi's advice on how to bring out the purple tinge in his eyes came back to mind, to tell the truth he had never forgotten them. This time he had decided to treasure it. He couldn't do without his sweaters since his accentuated thinness made him suffer intensely from the low temperatures. He chose a deliberately cool color: a teal turtleneck to complement his other tones.

That Kiba was really an earthquake, Nagato felt very out of place being so different from both of them. At one point in the evening his brain had started to feel so saturated that even his eyesight was disturbed, as if he had been immersed all the time in the glare of the snow. The high volume of the brown's voice hurt him like he was throwing knives at every word. It was amazing how he could only converse with jokes, silly things and laughter. It didn't seem possible that someone like Naruto, with always the right words for everything and everyone, could have such a friend. Nagato found a little relief only in the moments in which he got up from the table to serve the various courses, no one had noticed his almost non-existent picking at the very small portions that he placed in front of him.

Do they not really notice it or do they not say anything out of politeness? But do I mind this or is it a relief? I have always considered it an unbearable annoyance to comment on what I ate, however now I feel a bit cheated of this too.

"I know what you're thinking, Nagato, at least Kiba and I are two wild lunatics, I saw you a little taken aback during dinner."

Naruto and the redhead were relaxing on the two green armchairs after the evening ended with their ice cold beers. It was no longer a problem for Nagato to accept that evening drink and he also felt free to lose himself in that turquoise and conciliatory gaze.

"Don't you think that the mayor is human too and that sometimes he needs to relax and have fun? There's nothing wrong with that, every person has the full right to allow themselves some pleasure and to reward themselves without fearing that this will devalue them in the eyes of others."

It was all so right that Nagato didn't know what to answer, he could only realize how blind he had been throughout his entire existence.

"If you want to invite someone again tomorrow, I will be immensely happy to cook again for you."

Maybe that was the first time Naruto saw Nagato's smile. He was sincere, the red had narrowed his peculiar eyes. Although he was emaciated, his face had looked beautiful in that expression, Naruto had been able to see the beauty that the disease had taken from him and that was now there, asleep, waiting to be awakened to be able to emerge again stronger than Before.

Obito had wondered why Naruto had given him an appointment in such a scruffy bar, the intense smoke that permeated the air made his eyes burn. He had sat down at a small round wooden table in which a chessboard with a cup of coffee in front of it had been inserted, Obito found him very curious. He looked at his watch, after ten minutes he was already impatient of being in such a place, he tried to distract himself by looking at some rowdy guys who were playing billiards with beers in hand.

Good morning mister mayor!

At least Naruto had always been a punctual guy, Obito got up smiling to hug him happy that their relationship had resumed better than before.

"Wow, Naruto, you have to work really hard to find a place like this, but I have to admit it's picturesque."

The blond thanked the boy who had served him the coffee before replying to Obito: "I get along well, they greet me but at least I avoid those hordes of kids who even come to ask me for my autograph."

They laughed together like old times.

The blond then became serious while maintaining his positivity unchanged: "Obito, I need you to give me a hand, I know you can do it otherwise I wouldn't ask you. It's about Nagato."

Naruto explained the problem to him, his idea of inviting someone every night was to make the redhead gain self-confidence by making him understand that there was nothing wrong with having fun eating together.

"And then, of course, after a lifetime of no see, I'd love to have you back in my house."

"Very willingly, Naruto. But Nagato knows that I'm Itachi's cousin, I don't know if he could cause him problems."

" In fact we don't have to talk about their relationship, we don't even have to name Itachi. We have to make Nagato understand how good someone's company is even if it's the ex's cousin."

The blond had then explained that, as complicated as it could be, it was essential to treat Nagato as an ordinary person, only in this way he could begin to love life and his everyday aspects of him.

Obito accepted smiling, he had never seen such tenderness in Naruto's gaze. Probably the blond wasn't realizing yet neither of that nor of the fact that his eyes had taken on a whole new light. Naruto had always known how to see the soul of whoever was in front of him, certainly now he had found that treasure that people like Nagato very often keep without knowing it.

It was hard for Obito to see that man, reduced to little more than a shadow of himself, nibbling at a few bites from that dessert plate he used for his dinner while he served them all sorts of dishes without giving importance to any of it as Naruto had explained to him. He fully realized how much Itachi must have suffered and how his natural kindness had been shaken by Nagato's situation. He had seen him doing that inhumane job at Susanoo, crumpling half naked on the floor unconscious evidently not just to help Sasuke. However that light that he had seen in the morning in Naruto's eyes was as if he was progressively moving into those of red even though he had hardly said a word all evening.

Before leaving, Obito begged Naruto to invite him again, he hadn't confessed it to him openly but he really wanted to see if this change in Nagato had started because then it would be slow but unstoppable.

For the moment Obito's plans had to wait, a phone call received that night changed his plans.

That evening Nagato appeared more relaxed than usual, he had leaned naturally against the back of the chair crossing his legs, he answered very fluently to the toast that Naruto wanted to make. The blond was delighted noting that he had eaten a little more, but expressing it or making it appear in any way would have been a hard blow for Nagato. For people like him, compliments sound almost like offenses especially if they concern an improvement in health, Naruto knew this very well.

The subject he was now facing was complex in itself, yet the blond had deemed Nagato ready to consider it.

"Nagato, do you remember Kisame?"

"Of course yes, I wanted to join his gym some time ago but then I never did."

"Me too, but due to one commitment or another I still haven't succeeded. How about we go together next week?"

Nagato nodded happily, when the same proposition had been made to him by Itachi he had been overcome with terror of becoming too big, but now he had intuition that perhaps his appearance could really help.

"Tomorrow night it will be his turn, then. I've known him for many years but now unfortunately he has a problem, he's in love with someone but he's not sure if this feeling is reciprocated or not. This person sends him mixed messages, even, they haven't even heard from each other for almost a month. Unfortunately he is someone who has had a lot of problems but Kisame is so good and understanding that he has decided to get involved anyway. Did you know that we have been together for several years? Just think that it was I who advised them to throw themselves in the direction in which his heart was dragging them. But now he's understandably demoralized and he needs to unwind."

Nagato was starting to get the subtle impression that Naruto was arranging these evenings with his friends a bit artfully, however he was flattered by the frankness he had with him when talking about his past with Kisame.

Naturally Naruto, before inviting Kisame for dinner, had also talked to him for a long time as he had done with Obito. Nagato's situation was very complex and in his case there was an additional problem: it was absolutely necessary that Itachi was not revealed that Itachi was the one he was in love with, Nagato could have lost in an instant the delicate balance he had conquered with so much effort.

For Kisame, accepting that invitation was even harder than when it had been for Obito, he had had to drag her swollen and aching heart there for Itachi without being able to speak openly about him or avoid understanding his identity from anything.

Nagato had noticed his sad look despite Kisame trying to be cheerful. The redhead had felt pain, yes, but this time it didn't come from inside him, it wasn't about him but about Kisame's. Nagato had been taken by that momentum of altruism and projection towards others that would have always been a part of him if he hadn't got lost in the twists and turns of his problems. The withdrawing into himself that had brought him to this point had never been part of his person, rather the fruit of a violence that he had perpetrated against himself for more or less his entire life.

Naruto had the absolute certainty of this as soon as Nagato began to spontaneously converse with their host pronouncing those words that now came out like a flight of butterflies held captive for too long; finally pulled out of the layers of pain they were buried under.

"If there is one important teaching that life has taught me, it is that the word surrender has absolutely no reason to exist. It's used a lot, too much, people fill their mouths with it as if it were some sort of justification for their loss of desire to carry on. However, no one considers that one always ends up getting up regardless of the degree of lowness in which one was sunk. Resilience is inherent in us and, even if we pretend it doesn't exist and ignore it, even if there are people who possess it extremely slowly, it always ends up triumphing by automatically bringing us back to the surface. That's why the concept of surrender doesn't actually exist, it's just an illusion."

Kisame looked at Nagato with watery eyes, the words had frozen however his gaze cried out a thank you, an immense relief, a confirmation that the speech Nagato just made was terribly exact. Perfect, as he was in that soul tormented and annihilated by the same person who had now been able to say those words to him.

Nagato had felt his dried body enveloped in heat, originating in his lower abdomen and then rising up to his stomach. Still enveloping the heart and higher up to explode in the sparkle of a beautiful smile that had the power to involve everyone as Nagato had always wanted.

Now it was no longer transparent, it was important to some people, this was the key to loving and being loved. Those who love you will also know how to welcome your pain without asking you what its origin is. Naruto was sure now more than ever that he was on the right path, he had always known that Nagato was an extraordinary person and this was the confirmation; he let him when he saw him go out to walk Kisame to the car at the end of the night. The blond smiled to himself as he cleared away aware that perhaps he would spend some time out there.

"Kisame, wait, I'm just asking for five minutes."

Though feeling much lighter than when he had arrived, Kisame had stopped as if struck by lightning hearing Nagato's scratchy voice behind him.

The redhead had approached him smiling, even radiant he would have dared to say.

"It's about Itachi, isn't it?"

Kisame looked down at the ground, Naruto had begged him not to mention it however Nagato figured it out on his own. His mind was undoubtedly strong and brilliant otherwise he would never have been able to consume that body so even sending it against his vital instincts. The redhead had approached him still smiling, now the contrast of their physical dimensions was even more evident.

"The day Itachi and I came to have Tsunade visit us we were still together but I certainly didn't miss the way you looked at him. I've never been able to get that look for him even though I've always been very possessive. I also know that when we broke up you were his first thought of him, he left everything at home, including documents and phone. He walked out with no money and with nothing but he didn't forget to get some new sneakers. I was shocked however no detail has ever been able to escape me. Being next to me is not easy and he already had a very painful life behind him. Don't feel put out if he hasn't told you what it is yet, he will. You have to give him time, no matter how much it takes, he still has a lot to sort out even with Sasuke. Know that you will be repaid as it is happening to me now, that's for sure. When two people destined for each other are lucky enough to meet there can be nothing capable of preventing them from being together.

Kisame had looked up and listened carefully all the time, he was already the second person to have given him the same speech even if after some time. Sure Tayuya had it his way, but the concept was the same. Hearing the same thing confirmed by people of him who don't know each other for Kisame has always been one of the fundamental proofs that it is the truth. The abyss of anguish that had torn him apart and which had only been able to widen over the last month, had subsided in a few minutes.

"Thank you, Nagato," he placed his hands affectionately on his shoulders before walking back to the house.

Naruto had left Nagato free to talk to Kisame, he had fully granted him all his trust with the certainty that in a short time the redhead would be able to autonomously decide which road to follow without going wrong any more.

The blond, sitting at the desk in his room, had put on his silver-rimmed reading glasses smiling to himself as he checked his agenda with the next day's commitments. That inestimable value that Nagato possessed but had always done everything to devalue and keep hidden, was finally coming to light and this made the blond's heart open. He closed the diary deciding to lie down and relax with an amusing read, he undressed remaining only in his boxers given the high temperatures that took up more and more of their space every day, he had not yet heard Nagato return home and this was definitely a positive sign .

He heard a light knock on the door a few seconds later marveling at how silent the redhead had been.

He has learned to be transparent in every aspect of his life.

"Come in, Nagato" meanwhile the blond had taken off his glasses placing them, together with the book, on the bedside table.

The redhead proceeded with his usual light step, as if he was always afraid to disturb. However it was his face that had changed, despite being terribly emaciated, his eyes had a new light that perhaps hadn't appeared to illuminate them since they had been the large and innocent eyes of a child. Naruto didn't say anything, he just smiled in an accommodating way, it was totally Nagato's initiative to slip off the elegant white canvas shoes to lie down beside him.

"Kisame is really a good person, I can't wait to go back to him to train" the redhead was completely relaxed on the soft pillow with one arm behind his head.

"So tomorrow night we'll start and then we'll go out to eat something, okay?"

Nagato's sincere smile was worth more than all the words in the world. A very thin hand stretched out towards Naruto's sculpted chest, it was cold, but the immense happiness that was now intoxicating the blond allowed him to overlook that sensation.

Naruto got lost in the purple reflections of those eyes sincerely thinking that he was really lucky to have them, Nagato's hand had become more secure, his thin fingers were now squeezing a light pink nipple of the blond, strongly awakening his erection. Yes, Nagato was now ready to receive those compliments that Naruto had to hold back forever from giving him.

"Nagato, there are a lot of redheads in the world, but I've never seen such a beautiful shade in my life. You have the same eyes as your brother, it's true, but how they look to you is a unique combination, their reflections are the same as your hair. You are a work of art."

The words were spun differently, they followed a different order, however they were the same ones Itachi used to address to him. And to think of how many times Nagato had sadly believed that the dark haired said them only because he was moved by compassion towards him.

So it was true, Itachi, forgive me.

However, no one could ever have resurfaced that destroyed soul as Naruto had been able to do. Nagato smiled as his cheeks flushed as he looked a little less emaciated. He brought his lips to Naruto's without thinking. He closed his eyes letting now, after so many years, that it was his body that dragged his mind and no longer vice versa. Now he was making him the blonde's mouth, the warmth of his rosy skin moving his slim body over him and his hands through his golden hair. Nagato was ready to enjoy that unbridled pleasure since he had every right in the world. Naruto squeezed him feeling how much passion there was inside that twig, his breath was hot, he took off his elegant light gray turtleneck so that their skins came into contact. Though the protruding side ached, Naruto was aware that they were now walking, hand in hand, in the right direction. Soon he could admire that body as it really should have been, in his mind Naruto was already able to visualize it, finding it fine and wonderful. Nagato's body had regained its proper importance over the mind by rebelling against his dictatorship.

The redhead stripped completely naked sitting on Naruto's lower abdomen. From how he had arched his back, sighing, the blond had understood that for him his body no longer represented something to be ashamed of, but rather a pleasure to follow, having full rights to do so. Rubbing his excited sex on the blond's soft as cotton skin realizing he had never felt anything more enveloping, Naruto grabbed his tight hips as his mouth went to suck Nagato's nipples, chest, belly, navel . Yes, as out of touch as he might seem to Nagato. There was someone who liked his body, who even got excited by looking at it and touching it, there was someone capable of remaining enchanted in front of his intelligence even thinking that it had a value. That someone was Naruto who had always been an example to everyone, friends, acquaintances and even complete strangers. Naruto who could see and hear beyond appearances, if he did it with him it meant that something precious and unique also existed in Nagato and he could go on without depending on others or their judgment.

Just as Nagato had always attributed excessive importance to the wrong aspects of life and people, now he was giving the right weight to that embrace, discovering that it was wonderful to share his soul with someone else, lose control and let go. He would never have thought it would have been so nice to abandon himself in someone's hands, to feel it inside himself, to take pleasure in himself from the other's body by exploiting that small base of selfishness which is the basis of sex. That's why he wrapped his legs around Naruto's waist with extraordinary strength for someone so thin, letting the blond move inside him with a softness that not even Naruto himself had ever thought he possessed. Nagato felt he had every right to let himself go to the waves of pleasure, to moan as he bit and sucked the blond's neck, even leaving some marks. It made no sense to hide what was part of the body because the mind cannot survive without it.

Staying embraced and caressing each other wasn't a sign of weakness but a privilege, Nagato was realizing all this for the first time, how much he had lost and would continue to lose in life if Naruto hadn't made him understand.

"Thanks, Naruto" those words had come naturally to him as he leaned on the blond's chest completely relaxed.

The hand that was gently stroking his hair had only moved away for a moment to make room for those lips that rested lightly on his red head.

"Nagato, you should never thank those who love you. Love is a need for people, not a favor."

"Then my need from now on is to be with you Naruto, get my life back and help others. It will be enough for me only to see a smile on their faces as you will from now on see it on mine."