Previously: Pushing herself up with a heavy heart, Lumina dusted off her clothes and gathered her belongings, her steps heavy with resignation as she made her way out of the studio. The weight of Bertha's words lingered in her mind, threatening to crush her spirit with their cruel certainty. Her fists clenched in frustration as she fought to hold back the tears threatening to spill from her eyes. Bertha's taunts hit close to home, dredging up painful memories of her past struggles and mistakes.
Chapter 7: Under Pressure
(TW: Grooming, Drug use and abuse, abuse)
Lumina's stardom grew when she was a kid, and then as a teenager. Her grandparents being there for her made her feel less scared about it all and less scared of her parents. Her mother at some point told them to leave them alone and threatened them with something if they came near her again, so they were gone. She was alone, with even her friends abandoning her. As that's what she was made to believe from her parents. When she became a teenager things changed even more and it wasn't for the best, with her father now gone her mother was more ruthless than she already was, and her producer at the time, Pan, was more attentive then he was when she was a kid. She loved the attention he gave her.
Lumina sat at the vanity in her opulent bedroom, her mother's harsh words echoing in her mind. "It's your fault he left, Lumina," Her mother had spat, her voice dripping with disdain. "If you had just been a better daughter, he wouldn't have abandoned us."
Tears welled up in Lumina's eyes as she stared at her reflection, hating the girl she saw staring back at her. Her mother complained a lot about her husband, in reality she actually didn't love him. But keeping their status as a happy family was her main priority. But that didn't stop her from putting the blame on her, it only served to deepen the chasm of loneliness inside her.
With a sigh, Lumina began to apply the layers of makeup her mother insisted she wear, the routine feeling like a mask she had to put on to face the world. Once she was dressed to her mother's satisfaction, Lumina headed downstairs, bracing herself for another day of being micromanaged and belittled. She longed for the days when she could be herself, surrounded by her friends who accepted her for who she was.
But those days were long gone, her mother's strict rules forbidding her from seeing anyone outside their elite social circle. Even her boyfriend, handpicked by her mother for his status and connections, cared more about appearances than he did about Lumina herself.
Amidst the suffocating atmosphere of her home, Lumina found solace in the company of her producer, Pan. He showered her with attention and affection, making her feel loved and wanted in a way she hadn't felt in years. She would do anything for him, eager to please the only person who seemed to care about her happiness.
Little did Lumina know, Pan had ulterior motives, using her vulnerability and desperation to manipulate her for his own gain. But blinded by her longing for love and acceptance, Lumina was willing to overlook any warning signs, clinging to the false promise of happiness Pan offered.
After another grueling performance, Lumina found herself in the confines of the dressing room, her heart heavy with the weight of her mother's disapproval. "You were adequate, Lumina," her mother said dismissively, her tone dripping with condescension. "But you could have been better. Remember, mediocrity is not acceptable in this family." She said before leaving, as Lumina sat before the vanity, her eyes downcast, Pan entered the room, his presence a welcome reprieve from the constant criticism she faced at home.
Offering words of comfort or encouragement, Pan's voice dripped with subtle condescension as he spoke. "Ignore your mother for a moment, dear," He said, his tone smooth and soothing. "You're fantastic as you are. You can never let me down."
Lumina glanced up at his reflection in the mirror, her heart skipping a beat at the sight of him. Despite her mother's harsh words, Pan always made her feel special, like she was the most important person in the world.
"You're a beautiful and mature girl for someone going through so much," Pan continued, his hands resting gently on her shoulders as he looked down at her and her reflection.
A flush of warmth spread through Lumina's cheeks at his words, a rare moment of validation in a sea of doubt and insecurity. She had spent so long hating herself, believing she was unworthy of love or affection. But Pan made her feel seen and appreciated in a way she had never experienced before.
"Thank you, Pan," Lumina murmured, her voice barely above a whisper. "I... I don't know what I would do without you."
Pan smiled indulgently, his grip on her shoulders tightening ever so slightly. "You don't have to worry about that, my dear," He said softly. "I'll always be here for you, no matter what. You can count on me."
As the night fell, Lumina found herself surrounded by the familiar faces of the friends her mother had deemed acceptable for her to associate with. Lumina kept quiet as they laughed and chatted animatedly with each other as they made their way to the exclusive club, their privileged status ensuring them entry where others would be turned away.
Lumina couldn't help but feel a twinge of excitement mixed with apprehension as they approached the club's entrance. It was a rare opportunity for her to escape the suffocating confines of her home and enjoy a taste of freedom, even if it was only for a few fleeting hours.
As they reached the front of the line, the bouncer eyed them critically, his gaze lingering on Lumina for a moment longer than necessary. But with a nod from one of her friends, they were granted entry, the velvet rope parting to welcome them inside.
The club pulsed with energy, the thumping bass reverberating through the air as they made their way to the VIP section. Lumina's heart raced with excitement as she took in the scene before her, the flashing lights and pulsing music a stark contrast to the stifling atmosphere of her home. She had taken out some special earplugs and put them in, they lowered the surrounding volume so she can do things normally.
The only thing her mother got her that actually benefited her, though she doesn't let her wear them on stage.
She looked around the big VIP section, where the most elite people were dancing, hanging out, or drinking. All of which were adults, she felt so weird here. Well every time she's out with these people she feels off, she didn't like them nor did they like her, in fact they hated each other. But only hung out because that's what they were ordered to do, they merely enjoyed their time together because they shared the same lives and tribulations.
Lumina usually never talked to them, only ever saying something if they addressed her, which wasn't common.
Tonight, however, something shifted within Lumina. Maybe it was the overwhelming noise of the club, or perhaps it was the sight of her peers seemingly enjoying themselves without a care in the world. Whatever the reason, she found herself unable to stay silent any longer.
Summoning all her courage, Lumina approached her "friends," her voice barely audible above the din of the music. "How... how do you do it?" She asked, her words tinged with a mixture of frustration and longing. "How can you be so... happy?"
Her "friends" exchanged glances, their expressions a mix of amusement and annoyance. Then, the second girl, Reeba, her lips painted a deep crimson, grabbed Lumina's arms, having her stiffen up like a plank of wood as she steered her towards one of the restroom doors, her sneakers squeaking against the floor. The first girl, Maisy, her tone laced with sarcasm, replied to her question. "Finally, you say something. We were starting to think you were mute."
Rolling her eyes, the Reeba busied herself with checking her appearance in the restroom mirror, while the boy, Erwin leaned casually against the wall outside the restroom, his eyes scanning the crowd as if on guard duty.
"We just live in the moment, Lumina," the first girl continued, her tone dismissive. "We don't overthink things like you do. Life's too short to worry about anything else."
Lumina listened to their words, a mix of understanding and resentment swirling inside her. She envied their ability to find contentment amidst the superficiality of their lives, while she struggled to find even a glimmer of happiness outside of her relationship with Pan.
Lumina's eyes widened in shock as Maisy pulled out the little bag of colorful tablets, her mind racing with confusion and fear. She had heard of drugs before, but she had never been confronted with them so directly. As Maisy placed two of the tablets in her hand, Lumina's heart pounded in her chest, torn between curiosity and apprehension.
"A narc?" Lumina stammered, her voice barely above a whisper. "I... I... I don't know what that is."
Maisy huffed in exasperation, her scrutinizing glare intensifying as she studied Lumina's face. "Seriously? You've never heard of a narc?" She asked incredulously. "You must be living under a rock or something."
Lumina's cheeks flushed with embarrassment at Maisy's remark, her confusion only deepening as she struggled to comprehend the situation unfolding before her.
"We thought you were like some spy or something," Maisy continued, a hint of amusement in her voice. "You were just plopped into our group out of nowhere. You must suck at making friends."
Lumina's heart sank at Maisy's words, the truth of her loneliness hitting her like a punch to the gut. She had always struggled to connect with others, to find her place in a world that seemed so foreign and hostile.
"We don't even like each other," Reeba chimed in, gesturing towards Maisy and herself. "But because we're running the same life, we hang out, get plastered, and just fucking party."
Lumina's mind raced as she stared down at the tablets in her hand, the weight of their implications heavy in her palm. She knew she should refuse them, to walk away from this dangerous path laid out before her. But Maisy and Reeba's words echoed in her ears, their casual acceptance of her situation was both comforting and unsettling. She had always felt like an outsider, but to hear them speak so candidly about their own struggles made her feel strangely connected to them.
"O-oh no, I'm not...I don't," Lumina stammered, her voice shaky with nerves. "My mother just wants me around other stars and popular people. I can't believe she told you nothing about me."
She made a deadpan face and scoffed, the bitterness of her words tinged with resignation. "Actually, no, I believe that entirely," she groaned, the weight of her mother's neglect heavy on her shoulders.
Maisy and Reeba shared a knowing look before nodding in understanding. "Let me guess," Maisy said, her tone sympathetic. "Your parents are complete and total assholes who make your life a living Hell?"
Lumina nodded silently, her throat tight with emotion. It was a rhetorical question, but Maisy's words hit painfully close to home.
"Then you're just like us in every way," Reeba chimed in, gesturing towards Lumina with a sense of camaraderie. "I mean, you hate your parents, you want to escape, too scared to run away. All you're missing is a little bit of recreational fun."
Lumina's heart pounded in her chest as she stared down at the tablets in her hand, the promise of escape beckoning to her like a siren's call. She wanted to feel something other than the constant ache of loneliness and self-loathing, and if these little pills could offer her even a fleeting moment of happiness, then she was willing to take that risk.
Without a second thought, Lumina popped the tablets into her mouth, swallowing them down with a gulp of water. And as the drugs began to take effect, washing away her fears and insecurities in a wave of euphoria, Lumina couldn't help but feel a sense of relief wash over her. For in that moment, she was free from the weight of her burdens, if only for a little while.
Lumina is 16 at this time.
She's still longing for her parents love and affection at this time.
She's starved for love and attention, Pan gave her that.
Pan is Pan