Message from the Rice Man: Finally! I've wanted to have the pirates in this for a long time, I originally wanted them against the Thuggee Dacoit but since there is no information on them in regards to weapons, I decided to pit the pirate against the kaizoku. Anyway, enjoy warrriors! And also, the battle may not be the best and little short, but I put in my best effort to still make it enjoyable.
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Pirate: The ruthless, devious killers of the seven seas.
(A pirate ship pulls alongside a Spanish ship, the pirates jump aboard with guns blazing gunning down the Spaniards down.)
vs.
Kaizoku: Fearsome Japanese pirates who killed all unfortunate enough to cross their paths.
(A Chinese merchant ship is hijacked by some Kaizoku, the merchants are cut down mercilessly as the Japanese pirates storm the ship.)
WHO IS DEADLIEST?
To find out, we've assembled a team of world class fighters to test history's most lethal weapons. Using 21st century science, we'll see what happens when two warriors go toe to toe.
No rules. No safety. No mercy. It's a duel to the death to decide who is…THE DEADLIEST WARRIOR!
Here in our elite fight club we have gathered doctors, medical scientists and weapons experts to test out the lethal arsenals wielded by each of our combatants to determine who would win a fight between of the two ruthless and murderous thieves.
Pirate
Circa: 1715 A.D.
Height: 5'10''
Weight: 170 lbs.
Loyalty: None
Kaizoku
Circa: 1552 A.D.
Height: 5'6''
Weight: 155 lbs.
Loyalty: None
''Today we have a first for Rice Man, this will be a naval battle between two infamous marauders of the high seas. The pirates from Europe against the fearsome Kaizoku, the nasty pirates from feudal Japan. It's a battle where these two ruthless thieves and it's going to be a fun match to see.'' Former Green Beret Barry Jacobsen said
''I'm giving this one to the Kaizoku. They have the better sword and their weapons seem to back a bit more power behind them.'' Biomedical Engineer Geoff Desmoulin said
''Then I'll give it to the Pirate, they were absolutely ferocious to whoever crossed them and them raising the Jolly Roger was enough for most to surrender right away.'' Trauma Doctor Armand Dorian countered
Following the War of the Spanish Succession, the 'Golden Age of Piracy' came about when thousands of sailors were left unemployed and turned to piracy off the coast of the European colonies as a means of getting rich.
''They lived by the philosophy of get in, get out, take what you want.''
Eventually the pirates would be stopped by an anti-piracy crackdown from the European navies, yet the pirate was around long enough to leave an indelible impression upon early modern warfare and later pop culture, their exploits becoming the subject of countless books and movies.
"The pirate just had to be vicious because he knew if he was taken alive there would be no mercy shown to him and I believe that will make him a credible challenger to his new opponent." Barry explained
The pirates bring with them a deadly murdering arsenal they used to plunder all in their way.
Short Range: Cutlass
Mid-Range: Boarding Pike
Long Range: Flintlock Pistol
Special: Blunderbuss
Today the feared plunderer takes on a new threat just as fearsome as them.
The term kaizoku, or wokou in Chinese refers to Japanese pirates, who typically attacked Chinese and Korean shipping, raiding coastal towns, and even making their way up major river systems such as the Yangtze. Kaizoku raids on China took place from the 13th to the 16th century. Japanese pirates were typically ronin, former soldiers, and smugglers, who smuggled goods into Japan in spite of Korean and Chinese restrictions on trade with Japan.
''They absolutely enjoyed hurting anyone who cross them, whether it be Chinese merchant ships or Korean ships. They were killers.'' Barry explained
The kaizoku fell into decline with the loosening of trade restrictions in the late 1500s, as well as anti-piracy military actions by Korea and the newly arrived Portuguese, as well as within Japan itself.
''Just like the pirate, they declined after the trade restrictions but that didn't stop them from leaving an impression on Japanese society. The pirates better watch out because the Kaizoku aren't going to be particularly nice.'' Barry finished
The fearsome Kaizoku used a lighting fast arsenal of weapons to cut down their victims.
Short Range: Katana
Mid-Range: Naginata
Long Range: Bo-Hiya
Special: Osutzu
Both thieves will bring out their favored swords. Up first will be the pirates with their cutlass.
"The cutlass was a popular naval saber equipped with a basket-shaped guard and the hands of the pirate it doubled as both a weapon and a tool, able to cut through ropes, canvas and wood. It was three feet in length and three pounds in weight." Pirate expert Michael Triplett
To test out the cutlass, Geoff has set up a torso with a squinty Asian face for inspiration. Kind of messed up but, well what could I do?
Okay Michael, you have 3 strikes to inflict pain on our Kaizoku over here. Whenever you're ready you may get into position.
Michael unsheathes his cutlass, with the nod from Geoff he swings his cutlass horizontally and strikes the target in the neck nearly severing the head. Unsatisfied be thrusts it into the torso's chest in a gush of blood and he follows up with a final thrust to the gut.
Doctor Dorian walks over to check the damage.
''With your first thrust I see a nice and smooth near decapitation here with just the skin holding his head in place, he's obvious dead instantly and for your two thrusts you got him in the stomach and lung and if he doesn't get medical attention right now he's dead.''
''I clocked in each of your strikes at 30 miles an hour, not bad there Michael.'' Geoff commented
We've tested the katana before in 'Samurai vs. Persian Immortal' and after reviewing the testing of it our panelists come a a conclusion.
''Now both blades can hack through a guy like it's nothing, but with the katana you have a blade made of superior metals giving it much more durability than the cutlass and it cuts much deeper than the cutlass so I give the katana my edge.'' Geoff said
''I agree and go with the katana as well, while the cutlass can get in close and kill you I just can't overlook the durability and sturdiness of the katana and the Kaizoku would've used it to the same level as the samurai. So edge katana.'' Dorian added
''You both have persuaded me to side with the katana as well, superior durability, cutting and overall a better sword gives it my edge.'' Barry finished
In short range weapons, the edge goes to the Kaizoku for the katana.
Coming up, two well known polearms go head to head.
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Now the time has come to bring in the mid-range weapons of our warriors. Since we've already tested the naginata with the samurai we will move on to the pirate's boarding pike.
''Here I have the boarding pike. While most useful for repelling boarders, the boarding pike was a formidable offensive weapon. It was 8 feet long and had a steel head was 5 inches total and had a hook which also came in handy against boarders.'' Michael said presenting his weapon.
''Okay Michael, here on this mock pirate ship we will simulate 4 Kaizoku attempting to board your ship, one thrust per target and we will see what kind of damage this weapon will inflict.'' Geoff explained
Michael gets into position and stands ready with his boarding pike.
''On 3...2...1...Go!'' Geoff called out
The first target hovers it's way onto Michael's ship and he thrusts his pike into it's face with blood gushing out, with that target done the next one comes ''climbing'' over and he takes it out with a thrust into it's chest, the next two targets ''climb'' over and he swings the hook end into the third one's eye before taking it out and finishing the last one with a thrust to the throat as Geoff calls out time.
''Wow, these guys look like some drunken college fraternity.'' Dorian said walking over ''For your first target I'm seeing one thrust into the face and I see the pike made it's way into the brain stem, he's dead and gone. The second target I saw you thrust into his chest collapsing a lung, it won't kill him but this will leave him open to other attacks and finally the last two ate no brainers. Number 3 hear has the hook buried in his eye killing him and the fourth here has his carotid artery severed resulting in a quick bleed out.
''And you did this all in 24 seconds and your ship is safe from the hijackers, good job.'' Mack said
Following the testing of the boarding pike, our team once again review the testing of the naginata in previous episodes and after a brief debate come to a decision.
''This is a tough one, one is effective at preventing hijackers from coming on your ship and the other is a bit shorter but has a much bigger blade on it. I don't see either one really edging the other out so I call this one even.'' Barry started out
''I second that, the boarding pike has the extra hook for another means of attack but the Kaizoku, being former soldiers and ronin would use their weapon better giving them a slight edge but it really doesn't make a difference, they're both nearly the same length and can cause some serious trauma.'' Dorian seconded
''I'll go with what you guys said and call this one even.'' Geoff added
In mid-range weapons, our warriors are even.
Coming up, both warriors unveil their long range arsenals and then later, two lethal hand cannons are tested to see who can blow the other away.
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Now we bring out the favored long range arsenals of the warriors. Up first will be the pirate with the most primitive of pistols.
''Michael you look like a walking gun exhibit.'' Barry laughed
''It's because pirates usually would carry at a maximum of six at any give time. These are flintlock pistols guys, these are early single-shot firearms that had a flintlock firing mechanism as its name implies. It has a smooth-bore barrel and a long, wooden grip, which can double as a bludgeoning weapon."
''Good, six shots and six targets. Let's what they can do.'' Geoff said
Michael gets into position.
''On 3...2...1...Fire!'' Geoff called out
Michael reaches for his first pistol and fires but completely misses the first target.
''Well that's fun...'' Barry said
Michael reaches for his second pistol and fires it, the lead ball grazing the top of the first target. Going for his third he aims this one and fires it with the lead ball hitting dead center of the target by some miraculously miracle. In quick succession he reaches for his final three shots and all three find their way into their targets, though not hitting in the center.
''We're not getting perfect accuracy Michael, but if it hits it kills.'' Geoff said
''Well let's see if these are kills at all.'' Dorian said as he walked over to the target ''Your first shot was a complete miss. Your second shot founds only grazed the top of his head so he's just confused. Your third shot managed to hit him in the heart which would drop him instantly. Your last three shots found their way into the lung, stomach and neck respectively and all these would kill if left untreated, except the neck shot because he's dead instantly.''
''You really have an inaccurate firearm Michael, let's see what my weapon is capable of.'' Kaizoku expert Yuki Hanzo said
The Kaizoku responds with another primitive weapon.
''The Bo-Hiya were basically like a little cannon except this here fires fire arrows. These used a fuse which was attached to the arrow and lighting it up would cause the arrow to set fire and then it fires. Typically these were used to set ships on fire and weight 2 pounds. Yuki said
To test out the use of the bo-hiya, Geoff has set up a 'pirate' ship containing 5 targets. Yuki will be given one shot to set the ship on fire.
''Okay Yuki, whenever you're ready, fire away!'' Geoff called out
Yuki nods and aims his weapon, taking a match and striking it against his weapon to light it, he places the flaming match against the fuse and the fuse lights. After 4 seconds the weapon discharges and the fire arrow goes flying at an angle and soon it lands in the center of the ship.
''Alright, I'll just let the fire arrow do the work.'' Yuki said walking away
After 4 minutes, the fire arrow slowly sets the deck on fire engulfing the five targets on deck.
''I'm picking up temperature readings at 700 degrees, these guys are screwed if they don't jump into the water.'' Geoff said
A few more minutes pass and the panelists decide to put the fire out before evaluating the damage.
''Okay guys, from what I'm seeing on these five targets there are third degree burns, these men all are dying a slow, painful and agonizing death. What a horrible way to go.'' Dorian commented
After testing the preferred long range weapons of our warriors, which one do our experts believe takes the edge?
''While I like the concept of the bo-hiya, it doesn't kill people instantly whereas the flintlock pistol you can kill someone instantly if it hits so I'm giving this to the flintlock.'' Geoff started out
''I like the bo-hiya too, but the flintlock has better kill ability and it's secondary function as a melee weapon will give the pirate something extra if the fight comes close. So edge flintlock pistol.'' Dorian added
''I'm with you both on this, the flintlock may be inaccurate but it kills when it hits you and you can survive being set on fire.'' Barry finished
In long range weapons, the edge goes to the pirate for the flintlock pistol.
Coming up, two explosive hand cannons blow each other away and then later, Mack will gauge the x-factors and our battle between thieves will begin!
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Now we test out the special weapons of both warriors. Since we've already tested the Kaizoku's osutzu in 'Ashigaru vs. Ming Warrior', we will move forth with the pirates and their blunderbuss.
"This men is the blunderbuss, the world's first shotgun. It could fire anything small enough to fit in the barrel and spread it like a typical shotgun shell, be it nails, rivets, screws, or as I'm going to show right now, grapeshot." Michael said displaying his weapon
''And we have this target here set up so you can blow him apart, care to do the honors?'' Geoff asked
''Yeah, ready for anything.'' Michael replied
Michael gets into position and Geoff gives the countdown
''3...2...1...Fire!''
Michael pulls the trigger but...
'CLICK'
''...We have a misfire!'' Michael said with a nervous laugh
''Well...'' Barry said
After loading more blackpowder into his blunderbuss, Michael aims at the target once more and squeeze the trigger. This time the gun fires a loud boom. When the smoke clears the target is revealed to be riddled.
''Yeah!'' Geoff exclaimed
''I'm seeing shots in the torso, neck, stomach, heart, lungs, intestines, scrotum, eyes, nose, ears, mouth. This guy is dead right when you pull the trigger.'' Dorian said poking the target
After showcasing the blunderbuss, which hand cannon do our experts believe takes the edge?
''I am seeing two nearly identical weapons in terms of functionality, both are shotgun type weapons and can do a lot of damage when they fire. Even.'' Barry started off
''The main problem with these two weapons is if the blackpowder runs out on the blunderbuss, it misfires, the osutzu will explode in your hands if you add too much gunpowder. So with the danger the osutzu poses to the user if he's not careful gives the blunderbuss my edge.'' Dorian said
''I'll give this edge as even for the same reasons Barry did, sure Doc you're right but these two weapons are just too similar.'' Geoff finished
In special weapons, our warriors are even.
Coming up, Barry will gauge the x-factors and then our battle between two seafaring thieves begins!
XXXXXX
''Alright, let's review these x-factors.'' Barry said taking a seat in front of the simulator
''First as always is training and I was a bit iffy, both sides have former soldiers in their ranks, the pirates being former English sailors and a lot of Kaizoku being former ronin. With that I've decided to give these two an 86 each for that reason.''
''For ferocity these two warriors had no loyalty to anyone but wealth and were downright vicious to anyone who crossed them. They both had some primitive weapons as well which forced them to improvise at times so they are even with an 88.''
''Next is operational experience and while the Kaizoku had ronin in their ranks, the pirates served in a variety of climates when they were fighting for the English meaning they'd be fighting different sorts of enemies. So the pirates have an 89 to the Kaizoku's 81.''
''Endurance is next and I ended up giving this to the Kaizoku, while both would've been confined in ships, the Kaizoku's former samurai training when they were ronin still ensures that they aren't physically diminutive like the pirates were diseased, had lice and all that nasty crap. The Kaizoku have an 84 to the pirates' 73.''
''Killer instinct is up and I gave both the edge because they absolutely had a take no prisoners approach and they decimated every ship that came across them. They killed everyone on board and took whatever. Both have a 91 each.''
''Lastly I have physicality and again, as I've said with endurance, the Kaizoku had ronin in their ranks who were formally trained samurai and were fit from that life style. The pirates were just diseased ridden, had scurvy, lice and all that stuff. So the Kaizoku has a 90 to the pirates' 80.''
Our team has finished testing the weapons and gauging the x-factors of the warriors. Now we will see who will win in a battle of the thieves.
''Only one group of thieves will remain, let's see who.'' Barry said as he presses the enter key
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Off the coast of the Japan on Kyushu island. A medium sized ship is seen sailing along the waters near the island and inside are 5 Kaizoku and they are seen gambling and celebrating their most recent raid against a Korean merchant ship.
Kaizoku: 5
Meanwhile, a mile away is a pirate ship that is seen sailing along the horizon. On board we see 5 English pirates sitting on deck relaxing and celebrating their recent victory over some Spanish ships.
Pirate: 5
The Kaizoku leader spots the pirate ship approaching in his telescope, noticing it as a foreign ship, he looks to his men and orders one to ready a bo-hiya. The pirates, unaware and paying any attention are about to get the surprise of their life.
The Japanese pirate armed with the bo-hiya lights the fuse on his weapon and angles it, after a few seconds the arrow is sent flying, smoke trailing it. The pirate leader, seeing something in the sky in the corner of his eyes gets up and looks up to see a small smoke trail coming down. Seconds later a part of the deck of English ship catches fire, one of his men is unlucky and is engulfed by the growing flames.
Kaizoku: 5 - Pirate: 4
''Oh bloody hell! Enemy pirates!'' The English pirate yelled as the Kaizoku's ship comes alongside theirs. The Japanese pirates manage to toss some grappling hooks and they begin boarding the English pirate's ship one by one.
''You! Grab a pike!'' Yelled the pirate captain. Running over to grab the boarding pike, one of the pirates rushes over and thrusts his pike into the chest of the first kaizoku that boarded their ship.
He twists the pike as the Japanese pirate coughs up blood and he kicks him off the ship and into the sea. His body floating up a second later lifeless.
Kaizoku: 4 - Pirate: 4
''ARGH!'' The English pirate yells as he raises his weapon high in victory. However it's a short lived victory when one of the Japanese pirates takes out an osutzu and fires it, the thunderous blast blows the Englishman away riddling his chest with grapeshot.
Kaizoku: 4 - Pirate: 3
The Kaizoku all manage to board the English ship and a brawl ensues between the two sides. One English pirate exchanges blows with a Japanese pirate, the Englishman, being as scrappy as pirates are known to be, parries a blow from the Kaizoku's katana and kicks him away against the hull.
Taking the chance, he takes out a flintlock pistol and fires it, the lead ball finding it's way into the kaizoku's head blowing his brains out.
Kaizoku: 3 - Pirate: 3
The pirate captain is seen humorously wrestling with one of the Japanese pirates and becomes very aggravated when he can't get a blow in with his cutlass. He punches the Japanese pirate before tripping him, taking his chance, he brings his cutlass down and thrusts it into the Japanese pirate's throat, the Japanese pirate choking on cold steel and his own blood before dying.
Seeing his ship getting more engulfed by the flames, he sneaks off his ship and hops over aboard the Japanese ship.
Kaizoku: 2 - Pirate: 3
The Kaizoku captain, seeing this go nowhere draws his osutzu from his strap and aims it at the pirate captain, he pulls the trigger and before the gun can discharge, one of the English pirates jumps in the way to protect his captain and he is shredded to pieces.
Kaizoku: 2 - Pirate: 2
The Kaizoku second-in-command is seen dueling with one of the remaining English pirate, he goes in for a swing with his naginata but the pirate ducks under the blow and thrusts his cutlass forward.
Jumping to the side the Japanese pirate barely managed to avoid being gutted alive and responds by thrusting his naginata out forward and manages to skewer the pirate in the stomach.
Twisting the blade, he puts the pirate on his knees and takes the blade out of his body, spinning 360 degrees and the pirate is decapitated in one swift swing sending the head flying and the his captain catches it surprised.
Kaizoku: 2 - Pirate: 1
''Kono fune ni wa senri-hin ga nakereba narazu, en ga kanzen ni hakai sa reru mae ni subayaku mitsukeyou!'' The Kaizoku captain says to his man before tossing the head overboard
Nodding, both men head into the interior of the English ship and begin looting whatever they can steal. Unknown to them the English pirate is also looting their ship. After about 10 minutes the Kaizoku head up to the deck and hop back to their ship.
''Anata wa nani o emasu ka?'' The Kaizoku captain asked
His man shows him some of the gold coins he obtained and hands him a blunderbuss.
They hear footsteps behind them and turn to see the surviving Englishman emerging with some of their loot as well. ''What the bloody hell!?" The English pirate said
Both sides stare at one another for a good 5 minutes before the pirate screams ''RUN!" and runs off (Like Ace Ventura in the scene when he gets shot with tranquilizer darts.) just as the Japanese pirates give off a battle cry and take their blades and run after him.
Drawing his cutlass, he blocks blow after blow from the kaizoku wielding the naginata and kicks the Japanese pirate away, he looks to his left and manages to block a swing from the kaizoku captain before shoving away and he falls over the edge onto the lower part of the deck.
Turning to face the other kaizoku, he jumps back as the kaizoku swings his naginata in hopes of disemboweling him. The naginata's blade only slices into the pirate's shirt and reacting quickly he swings the cutlass and cuts through the shaft, the Japanese pirate looking surprised before the pirate swings his cutlass and slices his neck open.
Kaizoku: 1 - Pirate: 1
Running down the stairs to the lower deck, he catches a glimpse of a familiar sight, a blunderbuss. Scooping it up, he sees the Kaizoku captain recover from his fall and proceeds to give chase.
The pirate, tired of running decides to fight back and draws his cutlass. Both pirates slowly walk towards each other and begin circling. Ready for any moves the other would make, the pirate would strike first with a thrust but the Kaizoku jumps back and brings his katana down and pins the cutlass to the deck, reacting quickly he kicks the pirate away before backhanding him and knocking him down,
The English pirate recovers quickly and gets up and takes his last flintlock pistol and aims it at the Japanese pirate. The Japanese pirate stops in his tracks seeing the flintlock pointed right at his face.
''See you in Davy Jones's locker scallywag!" The Englishman says before pulling the trigger
The flintlock pistol goes off. After the smoke clears, the Japanese pirate makes a confused expression before feeling his face. After checking and seeing he hasn't been hit, he looks at the Englishman and smirks. The pistol somehow missed the Kaizoku
''...Oh well uh... This is very awkward eh lad?'' The Englishman said
The Kaizoku shrugs his shoulders and raises his katana high ready to kill the pirate. Screaming like Jack Sparrow, the Englishman runs away before tripping somehow and sneakingly draws his blunderbuss he picked up a few minutes ago.
He attempts to crawl away and looks over his shoulder, the Kaizoku captain slowly walks over with his katana ready to decapitate him. The Japanese pirate puts an arm around the Englishman's shoulder and right when he turns him around a large thunderous blast is heard and he is sent flying a few feet landing with a thud. His chest full of grapeshot.
Kaizoku: 0 - Pirate: 1
The Englishman opens one eye and sees that his blunderbuss had worked. Getting up, he walks over to the Kaizoku and taps the corpse flamboyantly.
Seeing that he is dead, he raises his blunderbuss into the air in victory shouting ''A pirate's life for me!''
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Winner: Pirate
Pirate: 524
Cutlass: 109
Boarding Pike: 94
Flintlock Pistol: 46
Blunderbuss: 275
Kaizoku: 476
Katana: 144
Naginata: 100
Bo-Hiya: 12
Osutzu: 220
X-factors
Training: 86/Training: 86
Ferocity: 88/Ferocity: 88
Operational Experience: 89/Operational Experience: 81
Endurance: 73/Endurance: 84
Killer Instinct: 91/Killer Instinct: 91
Physicality: 80/Physicality: 90
After a close battle between two high seas thieves, the Pirate wins a close 52.4% compared to the Kaizoku with 47.6%. It was largely thanks to their superior firearms such as their blunderbuss scoring 275 kills alone making it the deadliest weapon allowing them to keep ahead of the competition. The Kaizoku did not go down easily as their superior sword and their equally lethal osutzu kept them hot on their tails.
''It was a close fight, the Kaizoku lost because even though they were better sword fighters, their bo-hiya wasn't necessarily a killing tool compared to the flintlock pistol, sure the flintlock pistol is bad but at least if it hits, it kills in one shot.'' Geoff commented
''This was a very good battle. X-factors were nearly even. It really could've gone either way but in the end, the bo-hiya just didn't pack enough power to push the Kaizoku to victory. Goes to show what little differences in weapons can do for you.'' Dorian added
''At first I was going for the Kaizoku, they were very ferocious, but little things as Dorian just mentioned really can make a difference more than you think. So chalk this one up for the Pirates, the murderous killers of the seven seas.'' Barry finished with a nod
(The pirate captain is seen setting sail into the sunset with his newly acquired ship. Strapped to his side is the kaizoku's katana, a blade he will decide to use as his own noting it better than his cutlass. He opens a bottle of rum and chugs it happily as the 'Pirates of the Caribbean' theme songs plays. He looks at the camera and says ''Now I know where the rum has gone!'')
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Next time on 'Deadliest Warrior: Remastered'. Two of the world's most dangerous paramilitary groups face off.
F.A.R.C.: Colombia's guerrilla army who funds it's revolution with ransom and drug trade.
vs.
Tamil Tigers: Sri Lankan extremists who launched a successful 20 year war against the Sri Lankan government.
Who is deadliest?!