Maori: The fierce, unforgiving cannibal killer from New Zealand.
(A Maori duels with a rival tribesman, he uses his taiaha to parry a blow from the man's attack before stabbing him in the heart.)
vs.
Australian Aborigine: Hardened native of the Australian Outback who fought invading Europeans and giant man-eating lizards.
(An Aborigine duels with a rival tribesman, he overpowers his foe before bashing his head in with the nulls-nulla.)
WHO IS DEADLIEST?
To find out, we've assembled a team of world class fighters to test history's most lethal weapons. Using 21st century science, we'll see what happens when two warriors go toe to toe.
No rules. No safety. No mercy. It's a duel to the death to decide who is...THE DEADLIEST WARRIOR!
During their last battles both tribesman were soundly defeated by equally vicious adversaries...
(The Maori is stabbed in his foot by the Maasai's lion spear. He is backhanded causing him to fall back and the foot from the ankle is ripped from his leg. The Maasai then thrusts his spear into the Maori's heart.)
...but now, each warrior will be given a chance for redemption and will face off in a battle for supremacy.
(The Aborigine goes to finish off the Mohawk with his rostrum when suddenly the native American springs up with his flint knife and slices into his knee before stabbing him in the gut. The Aborigine falls to his knees and looks up as the Mohawk brings his war lance down into his open mouth killing him.)
Here in our elite fight club we have gathered doctors, medical scientists and weapons experts to test out the lethal arsenals wielded by each of our combatants to determine who would win a fight between two of the fiercest tribal warriors from the south seas.
Maori
Circa: 1785 A.D.
Height: 5'9''
Weight: 180 lbs.
Armor: None
Australian Aborigine
Circa: 1790 A.D.
Height: 5'5''
Weight: 160 lbs.
Armor: Wooden Oval Shield
''Today on redemption we have two tribal warriors who were never conquered by a European power. The Maori of New Zealand confronts the Australian Aborigine. It's going to be a fun match between two warriors who will absolutely never back down. Also, the fact that they are from neighboring countries and having never met each other in the battlefield makes it all the more exciting.'' Barry started off, the tone in his voice showing that he was excited.
''Looking at the physicality of these two is an important thing. The Maori and Aborigine are bulky, strong guys and easily have what it takes to rip you limb from limb.'' Dorian said.
''Another thing is that these two are bringing earthen or animal-based weaponry so no iron or steel weapons for either. That's what makes this match awesome too.'' Geoff added.
''I certainly can't wait to see which tribesman will kill the other, seriously enough talk let's get this started!" Barry concluded.
The cannibalistic brutes used a lethal arsenal of earthen-based weaponry to prepare their enemies for the final course.
Short Range: Mere
Mid-Range: Taiaha
Long Range: Hoeroa
Special: Wahaika
And for the Aborigine, they used an arsenal made of both animal parts and natural materials to defend themselves against all threats.
Short Range: Nulla-Nulla
Mid-Range: Giant Sawfish Rostrum
Long Range: Woomera
Special: Boomerang
For short range combat both warriors carried tools they used to bludgeon their foes to death. For the Maori they carried the mere and for the Aborigine they carried the nulla-nulla.
The team reviews the testing of the mere and nulla-nulla in action in their debut episodes and after a brief debate finally come to a conclusion.
''While the nulla-nulla can cause severe trauma in anyway and anywhere it hits the body, I have to give the mere the edge because not only can you smash someone's skull with it, you can thrust and slash with it as well.'' Geoff started off.
''The material the mere is made of is stronger than steel as well. I think the Aborigine is in some trouble. Edge mere.'' Dorian added.
Barry takes both weapons in each hand and holds them up for Geoff and Dorian to see.
''It's superior use and versatility automatically gives it the edge so it's mere all the freaking way.'' Concluded Barry with a smile as he sets the nulla-nulla down.
In short range weapons, the edge goes to the Maori for the mere.
And for mid-range weapons, both wielded drastically different tools they used to murder their victims.
The team reviews the testing of the taiaha and the giant sawfish rostrum from their debut episodes and come to a very lengthy debate unable to decide among themselves.
''Tough decision, the taiaha is more versatile with the stabbing and blunt end used to bludgeon but then the rostrum is much longer and can literally tear you apart much like the Aztec maquahuitl. I think I might call this one even.'' Geoff started.
''It depends on the distance. Up close the taiaha wins while farther away the rostrum takes it. I say even across the board.'' Dorian said.
''Even though the rostrum can break and become an unusable weapon with the denticles coming off, it still has reach over the taiaha and in return the taiaha is more versatile. I say even as well.'' Barry concluded with a nod.
In mid-range weapons, both warriors are even.
When the battle went at a distance, both warriors hurled deadly javelin-like weapons to skewer the opposition.
The team reviews the testing of both the hoeroa and the woomera in their debut episodes. After noticing the range difference it doesn't take long for them to come to a conclusion.
''I'm giving the edge to the woomera for the sole purpose of possessing more range compared to the hoeroa.'' Geoff started off.
''The whale bone spear is seriously going to need to perform better if it ever wants to gain an edge over something. Edge woomera.'' Dorian seconded.
''Range means everything in long range combat. Edge woomera.'' Barry added.
In long range weapons, the edge goes to the Australian Aborigine for the woomera.
XXXXXX
And now we look at the preferred special weapons wielded by both warriors. First the Maori brings in a widely used weapon among the Maori people, the wahaika.
Maori expert Sala Baker walks over with his weapon in hand.
''Hello gentleman it's good to see you again. Here I have the wahaika, it's a weapon that would be made of either jade, wood or whale bone. The one I have here is made from whale bone. It's mainly used to smash your enemy's head to pieces and it also has a notch here which was used to catch an opponent's weapons to disarm them. This one weighs 3 pounds and is a foot long.''
To test out the wahaika, Sala will attack a torso with an Aborigine shield for inspiration.
''Alright Sala, we want one strike to the shield, one to the chest and one to the head. Sound good?'' Geoff explained.
''Sounds fine with me.'' Sala replied with a nod.
Taking his position in front of the torso, Sala then begins doing the haka.
''Sala you're obviously ready! On 3...2...1...SMASH IT!'' Geoff called out while the other two give out hearty chuckles.
''WHITI TE RA! HI!'' Sala cries out before swinging his wahaika at the shield, the force of the hit splintering the shield slightly to the awe of the panelists. Sala then swings it at the chest and it connects with a sickening crack. Raising his weapon above his head he brings it down with a very aggressive war cry. The wahaika smashing the head like an egg shell.
''Holy crap man, you totally ruined this guy.'' Geoff said as they walk over.
''Ruined he did, I'm seeing total obliteration of the rib cage and the top part of his skull here. Both are instant kills. With the shield you did generate enough force to break a bone in his arm.'' Dorian explained.
''With the boomerang you won't even be coming close to me with that thing.'' Aborigine expert Colebee said arms crossed not impressed at all by the waihaika's performance.
''But your weapons is not made for real combat while the wahaika is.'' Sala replied with a smirk.
The team now reviews the testing of the boomerang in it's debut episode. After they finish the edge isn't a hard one to decide. So let's see what they'll say.
''While the boomerang presents some function as a range weapon, I was unimpressed by it's performance against the Mohawk's flint knife. For being a weapon made to kill I give the edge to the wahaika.'' Geoff said shaking his head.
''I didn't expect the damn thing to smash the head like that, the moment that happened I automatically gave it the edge.'' Dorian added.
''The boomerang is a stupid thing to use for combat, it's best used as a hunting tool. The wahaika takes it all the damn way.'' Barry concluded.
In special weapons, the edge goes to the Maori for the wahaika.
Coming up, Barry reviews the x-factors and then after, our battle between two fearsome tribesman from the south seas begins.
XXXXXX
Welcome back to the fight club, here we tested the weapons used by two deadly tribesman to determine who would be the deadliest warrior.
For short range weapons, the Maori's mere outperformed and outbludgeoned the Aborigine's nulla-nulla.
''The nulla-nulla is a bludgeon only weapon whereas the mere you can not only smash, you can stab and slice with the thing as well giving it such great versatility.'' Explained Geoff.
Edge: Maori
For mid-range weapons, both the Maori's taiaha and the Aborigine's giant-sawfish rostrum were determined to be equally deadly.
''The reason we're calling this a draw is because you have one weapon that has versatility which is the taiaha and the other weapon as a lot of range and causes worse damage being the rostrum. Those pros put these two weapons on even playing fields.''
Edge: Even
For long range weapons, the Aborigine's woomera had more range over the Maori's hoeroa.
''The hoeroa proved to be a very unreliable long range weapon while the woomera launcher provides extra range for it's projectile and that is why it gets the edge here.''
Edge: Australian Aborigine
And finally, for special weapons the Maori's wahaika proved more lethal and better overall over the Aborigine's boomerang.
''Do I really have to get into a paragraph's worth of an explanation for this? The wahaika is an actual weapon made to disarm and slaughter an opponent. The boomerang is better off as a hunting tool.'' Concluded Geoff.
Edge: Maori
And now we move on to Barry who will now review the x-factors of each warrior.
''Now it's time to review these x-factors.'' Barry whined as he sat at his computer.
''First as always it's training and the Maori had a 79 to the Australian's 64.''
''For endurance the Maori scored an 87 to the Australian's 85.''
''Third is physicality the Maori had a 92 to the Australian's 87.''
''Up next is ferocity and the Maori took it with a 93 to the Australian's 85.''
''Killer instinct goes to the Maori with a 95 to the Australian's 90.''
''Last is intimidation and hands down this goes to the Maori with a 91 to the Australian's 75.''
After gauging the x-factors and reviewing weapons testing, Barry will now run the simulator one-thousand times in a battle to the death.
Who will win between two fearsome south sea tribesman?
''In the end, only one will redeem himself. So let's see who it is.'' Barry said.
XXXXXX
It's a bright day on the beaches of New Zealand, the camera pans through the beachhead showing the beautiful scenery before coming to a complete halt.
A boat is seen on the shoreline and from it an Australian Aborigine jumps out. He has decided to venture out in search of new land and resources at the request of his tribe since they were running low on food sources.
Determined to not fail his people, he had ended up in this new land close to home and he ventures into the nearby woodline, hoping to find something good to bring home for his people.
He continues forward until he hears chanting in some strange language unfamiliar to him. He sets his rostrum beside a rock and slowly advances through the thick forest.
The chanting becomes louder and eventually he comes across the source. In the forest clearing he sees a strange man with weird face tattoos. He had come across a Maori warrior doing a dance of some sort.
He sees a large pot heated from a fire beneath it. Deciding it would be best to get rid of this stranger the Australian readies a woomera and takes aim at the Maori.
Closing one eye, he then finds the arc in which he wants to throw and with a mighty toss sends the spear flying. A moment later the Maori is interrupted with the woomera harmlessly lands in front of him almost missing his feet.
Jumping back in surprise, the Maori furiously looks at the direction from which it came, seeing the Australian in the woodline he takes his hoeroa and hurls it at the Aborigine.
The Aborigine raises his shield and the whale bone spear pierces through slightly. Annoyed at losing his shield he tosses it aside and takes his boomerang strapped on his waist and hurls it.
The boomerang flies straight at the Maori who effortlessly dodges it. Seeing this the Australian retreats back into the woodline. The Maori scooping up his weapons and gives chase.
He enters the woodline and finds it empty with no signs of life, tossing his taiaha as he slowly advances with his mere in hand.
From behind a tree, the Australian eyes the Polynesian warrior and takes his nulla-nulla. Quietly moving towards the Maori, he raises his club into the air but at the last second he steps on a twig.
Alerted by the sudden snap the Maori turns and instinctively raises his club and manages to catch the nulla-nulla. The Maori quickly grabs onto the handle of the nulla-nulla and after a brief struggle pries the weapon out of the Australian's grip.
Tossing it aside he follows with a swing with his mere only for the Australian to jump back. The Australian unstraps his last boomerang and goes in for a flurry of swings hoping to find a hole in his opponent's defenses.
The Maori raises his mere but the boomerang strikes him in the hand, giving out a grunt from the pain he out of instinct drops the club. He then raises his wahaika and manages to catch the boomerang in the notch. Giving a hard twist with it the boomerang if flung from the Australian's grip.
Giving out a groan of annoyance and anger, the Australian picks up a 4-pound rock and throws it at the Polynesian warrior who effortlessly jumps aside and nearly avoids having it crush his face.
Taking the chance the Australian then makes a break for his rostrum near the boulder he set it aside earlier. Getting to his feet the Maori scoops up his taiaha and gives chase once more while giving out an annoyed sigh.
The Australian makes his way to his rostrum and bends down to pick it up, once he turns around he sees the Maori swing the taiaha's blunt end right at him. Raising his rostrum in defense the two weapons collide and both are caught in a test of strength.
Eventually the Maori's taller size gives him more leverage and he as hard as he can kicks his smaller opponent away against a tree.
Grunting at the sudden impact from hitting the tree, the Australian refuses to give up and loads up for a swing with the rostrum. At the same time the Maori points the taiaha's sharp end and thrusts the weapon and the rostrum impacts the taiaha knocking it out of the Maori's hands.
Giving out a shocked expression the Maori backs up but the Australian rushes forward and swings the rostrum again. This time he would get the Maori in his side and the Polynesian warrior gives out a shout of pain.
Seeing this the Aborigine then starts a sawing motion cutting deeper into his opponent's side.
Feeling this, the Maori grabs the Aborigine's hand and quickly pulls the Aborigine closer to him. With one swift move he opens his mouth and chomps down onto the Australian's ear. Giving it more force and violently shaking his head he rips the ear straight off his head and spits it out.
Screaming at the sudden pain the Australian drops his rostrum and puts both his hands on his bleeding ear stump. The Maori quickly scoops up his taiaha and thrusts the sharp end into his opponent's stomach.
Gasping at the pain, the Australian then collapses to his knees coughing up blood. Seeing a shadow loom over him he looks up and sees the Maori with his wahaika raised above him.
In one downward swing the Maori brings the wahaika down and smashes the Australian's skull like an eggshell.
The Australian falls over, blood seeping out his mouth, ears, nose and eyes.
With his opponent lifeless, the Maori drops his wahaika to the ground, balls his hands into fists and raises them high into the air giving off a victorious war cry.
XXXXXX
Winner: Maori
Maori: 569
Mere: 160
Taiaha: 224
Hoeroa: 4
Wahaika: 181
Australian Aborigine: 431
Nulla-Nulla: 120
Giant Sawfish Rostrum: 226
Woomera: 21
Boomerang: 64
X-Factors
Training: 79/Training: 64
Endurance: 87/Endurance: 85
Physicality: 92/Physicality: 87
Ferocity: 93/Ferocity: 85
Killer Instinct: 95/Killer Instinct: 90
Intimidation: 91/Intimidation: 75
Armor Failure Rate
No shield - Wooden Oval Shield: 4%
After a brutal battle between the south seas most fearsome tribal warriors. It would be the Maori who would emerge victorious in a fairly one-sided encounter with a total of 56.9%. It was thanks to his superior weaponry and his dominance in the x-factors that led to his win. The Australian however, did not make it easy as his sawfish rostrum demolished the competition allowing him to win 43.1%.
''It is no surprise at all the Maori won, his weapons were made for war and killing, he also had all the x-factors so all that combined proved a force too much for the Australian to overcome.'' Geoff explained.
''I feel honestly really bad for the Australian, will there ever be a warrior he can beat? I don't think you should even be considered for deadliest warrior..'' Dorian said shaking his head.
''The Maori people live and breath war. It was literally a sport to them back in the day. Looks like they earn the title of 'Deadliest' tribal warrior in the loser's bracket.'' Barry concluded.
(The Maori is seen back at his camp overlooking at how beautiful he finds the Aborigine's rostrum to be. He smiles as he hopes he can find the animal it belongs to so he can collect more for his tribe. Finally, he then sits down and vigorously chomps a nice meal of...well...um...)
XXXXXX
Next time on redemption, two famous and innovative black powder warriors meet in a battle for supremacy.
Ming Dynasty Warrior: The fearless front-line soldiers who defended and reunified a 14th century China.
vs.
Russian Streltsy: The famed marksmen of Ivan the Terrible who's proficiency with firearms made them near undefeated in battle.
WHO IS DEADLIEST?
A/N: For those who assumed the Maori would win or claim to already know who the winner is, don't just assume, because not every Maori can kill every Aborigine, it's the individual man's skill and warrior spirit that will help push them to victory had the Maori and Aborigines meet in real life. If you tell me a warrior wins without providing any real reasoning and instead give me crappy ones like those annoying ''he's better trained'' or ''hands down he will win over so-and-so'' then your warrior will most likely end up losing. Seriously, provide a well thought out explanation and your vote will be accepted. Also, I base my winners on who I believe is the more likely winner in the fight. It's only my guess and my guess is as good as anyone else's.