Tearion's hopeful gaze was crushed when he saw that it was Ruven who approached him. He had been posted at the base of the ancient oak for hours. Night had fallen, the pain in his chest had turned from throbbing to sharp stabs. Yet the lieutenant could not bring himself to leave, even though any hope of Ella coming had long been lost.
"Tearion, she's not coming" Ruven said gently, sitting down beside his friend.
Smiling sadly, Tearion answered "I know. I think I've known it since this morning, yet I still hoped. It is our wedding day after all, we were going to be standing right here you see. The oldest tree in Lorien, where my parents and every couple in Lorien seal their bonds. Even if she came to shout at me, I should have liked to see her."
Ruven could feel the sorrow and pain coming from Taerion. His posture was stooped, his skin was sallow and his eyes had become dull and vacant.
"She needs some more time to process everything. Her life has been upended, everything she thought she knew, is not so." Ruven explained.
"And everyone she thought she knew, is not so. I know how awful it must be for her Ruven, I despair for my part in it."
"Then why-?" Ruven blurted out. "Ah, forgive me, I didn't mean to pry." But the question had nagged Ruven. He could understand why his Ada had kept the truth from Ella. But Ruven was surprised to learn Tearion had also known and chosen not to tell her. Bondmates should not be keeping such secrets.
"I ask myself that question now also. I supposed I simply wanted to protect her. She had such a happy life, and I did not want to disrupt it."
Ruven sighed. "We cannot change the past now, do not trouble yourself with it."
Taerion hung his head in regret, his friend's advice having gone unheeded.
Taerion got the opportunity to speak with Ella a fortnight later. The pain his chest now a dull ache, forgettable on most days though always present. He had taken to cleaning out the stable stalls. It was work way below his rank, but Taerion liked the hard labor. It took his mind off his troubles and kept him away from the pitied looks. The horses, sensing his sadness, frequently nuzzled him. From behind, a voice he would recognize anywhere cleared.
In near disbelief, he turned around to find Ella standing at the entry of the stall. She stood alone, fidgeting nervously. "Ella" he managed to say.
"Um, do you have a minute? I'd like to have a word. In private" Her voice was slight and devoid of its usual joy and confidence.
Dropping the shovel, Taerion hastily rubbed his hands against his leggings. He was sweaty from the manual labor as he exited the stall and led Ella down to end of the stables where the stalls stood empty as the horses were out being exercised. Out of the corner of her eye, Ella could see her arrival at the stables had already started whispers. Pushing the thought out of her mind and determined to carry through with her mission she forged ahead.
"I've missed you-"
"I've come to –"
They began at the same time. Ella was taken aback by Taerion's admission. He so rarely spoke of his feelings. She felt the obligation to start with some niceties.
"I hope you're well, I heard you were ill. Were you injured?"
Taerion absentmindedly rubbed the invisible wound in his chest. "No, not wounded in battle." He had long decided Ella did not need to know to particulars of his pain, lest it guilt her into sympathy for him, which he surely didn't deserve.
"Oh good" Ella quipped, sounding relieved. Now to the business of the day.
"Taerion, I came to return this to you" she said, holding out her hand. Slowly, and with some pain, Taerion extended his palm to her. She dropped something into it, careful not to touch him. He wondered whether he would ever feel her touch again. Looking down, the soldier saw it was his mother's engagement ring. The very same he had painstakingly polished the night before he proposed marriage to Ella.
When he said nothing, Ella reasoned with him. "I didn't feel right keeping it, as we are not going to be married now."
"Is that what you've decided?" a rare flash of anger coming through Taerion's usually calm demeanor. Yes he'd hurt her, but Tearion had hoped the elleth he loved so dearly would have enough latitude in her heart to contemplate forgiving him.
"You decided that for us, when you lied to me" Ella retorted, her famous temper coming through.
"My intentions were pure" he protested.
"I don't care!" she shouted, immediately wincing at her loss of control. Surely, more tongues were wagging now.
Pushing down his reflexive desire to explain his actions to Ella, he changed the conversation. "The ring was a gift, it is yours."
Eyes widening, Ella said incredulously. "It was your mother's. You will want to give it to someone else one day when you marry."
Shaking his head, now understanding that Ella truly had no appreciation for the depth of his affections, Tearion responded with finality. "There will never be anyone else Ella."
She shook her head furiously, "Don't." she said, as she backed away from him.
"Stop lying Taerion" she demanded.
"I am not" he replied through gritted teeth.
"You will find your bondmate. It cannot have been me, you cannot have loved me if you participated in Haldir's deception." Without waiting for a response, she spun around and ran off.
Ella was too consumed by her own pain to realize that the recent events in her life had not just impacted her. Ruven watched helplessly as his once tight-knit and loving family unit imploded. Ella wasn't speaking to their Ada; Taerion was heartbroken. The youngest member of the family sought refuge in the home of his aunt and uncle.
"How is your Ada?" Luna asked gently, as she served dinner. There were no more family meals at Haldir's flet.
"It is not the same Auntie, nothing is the same as it was" Ruven shook his head sadly. "Ella swears she will never forgive him. Ada lives with such anger and guilt. Taerion, well, you know. Why can't she forgive them?"
"Because it is not in your sister's nature. She's fiercely loyal and loves deeply, but she won't accept any hint of betrayal" Rumil answered, understanding his niece's temperament.
"She has been too harsh with Taerion" protested Luna, as she ladled soup. Ruven had been taking his meals with them.
"He lied to her. All of her life!" Ruven suddenly felt defensive of his older sister.
Shaking her head, Luna sighed. "Both you and Ella will understand one day that love is sometimes not simple. Love is at times messy, meandering, difficult. It can be hard to distinguish from grief. Your ada knows this better than most."
The marchwarden was spending his evenings alone. When he lost his first love, he thought there could be no greater pain. Though it lasted for centuries, that pain dulled with time, eased by the happiness he found with Leyla and their children. Rehashing the past was not something Haldir did often, being immortal made it impractical. But this night he made an exeption. He finally had to acknowledge he had consciously made a terrible bargain with the fates. He had been selfish, wanting to be Ella's Ada so desperately that he put his own desire above what was best for his daughter. That was not what a good father should have done, he admonished himself. He had betrayed Ella's trust and handled the aftermath with even less tact.
Haldir had respected Ella's desire for space. He knew she needed time to process the shocking news. Even though he desperately wanted to see her, to explain things to her, he knew he had to put her health before his own. Thus, he sat painfully waiting, night after night.