Bobby Meets His Match- Chapter 35
I hope there are still some people here who started this story, that I apparently abandoned 10 years ago! I (OMG! 10 years!) apologize. I intended to finish it but time got away.
This chapter has a lot of exposition and is to get me back into the swing of the story. Please leave reviews, especially if you are a new reader, and let me know what you think. I love my Bobby.
Chapter 35
Dr. Bynes had to strain to hear Bobby's voice, low and quiet, his speech halting, as if every word was painful for him. The man who had spent the first two sessions avoiding talking now seemed to really want to talk, but didn't seem to be able to get out words. He paced a small path between her armchair and the couch. His two previous visits he had been the opposite- almost unhumanly calm and still. Now he seemed to buzz with restless energy, matching the wild unkept beard and haunted eyes. He looked as if he had been living in some primitive place for weeks. Dr. Bynes glanced at the smaller man, Lester, standing at parade rest against the wall near the door, his face blank and eyes fixed in the mid distance, as he had obviously been trained to do in the military. " Um, Mr., um, Lester, perhaps you should wait out in the waiting room. As you know, therapy is confidential." Bobby stopped mid pace and whipped around, as Lester's eyes met hers. " He stays," was all Bobby said. Lester at least attempted to be more civil. " Ma'am, Bobby requested I stay for moral support. Also," he said, noting Bobby's edginess. " Also, you might need my help with him. I understand this is confidential. I am expert at keeping secrets."
Dr. Byne noted the discomfort in Lester's eyes. He probably had a great deal of experience keeping secrets, both personal and military. The smaller man was uncomfortable in her office as well, and she could tell he would not willingly come here except to support his friend. She was glad that Bobby had at least one support in his life. She couldn't help but notice how sexy Lester was. Under different circumstances…
" Well, Bobby, its been awhile so let me remind you of the rules." He didn't even turn around before reciting, " This is confidential unless I threaten to hurt myself or someone else. And no guns."
Ok, " Bobby, its been weeks since you were here, and at that time you did not want to talk about your dreams. What has changed?
Bobby stopped pacing and went over to the small table where he and Lester had unloaded their arsenal. He picked up his unloaded gun, kept the slide open so that she could see it was unloaded, and held it in his hands, caressing it. He made eye contact with her, as if asking for permission to hold the gun, and she nodded. Holding it seemed to calm him, gave hims something to do with his restlessness, and she knew he would not hurt her, even in his current condition, especially not with Lester there. She watched his huge hands, handling the gun so expertly. Those same hands were equally capable of saving a life as they were at taking one. She knew Bobby preferred to use his hands to care for other people.
Bobby laid down the gun, again, but rubbed it, as if going through the motions of cleaning it. His eyes roamed to Lester's, and some form of communication passed between them, then Bobby sighed and spoke. His quiet voice at odds with the energy buzzing through him. He ran a hand over his beard. " Well, you know that I have violent dreams about my time on duty and they scared my girlfriend." " I scared her."
A whole sentence, this was definitely a different Bobby. Yes, we spoke about that last session.
Bobby put the gun down again and shoved his hands in his jean pockets. " well, now, um, she's um, going to have our baby, and I want to get married to her, but I can't.." His tortured brown eyes looked up at me and then flitted away quickly. I looked at Lester, but he was still focused straight ahead.
" Well, congratulations, Bobby, that is great news!, I whispered. But Bobby didn't seem happy. "You must be so happy…, I asked in a leading way.
Bobby looked at Lester and then the ground, his fingers now working the lock on her window, trying to get it to lock. The same lock he had commented on during the first visit. She had to smile, despite the intensity of the situation. Bobby is so focused on security and taking care of others, he does it subconsciously for comfort.
" No. She doesn't know. She is pregnant, and its been a bit rough on her so far. I don't want her worried about me, or to get her hopes up about me coming here. I have been gone for weeks on a training exercise in the wilderness, and Lester has been watching out for her. I called her, but I don't want her worried about me or scared." A training exercise in the wilderness explained Bobby's rough beard and disheveled appearance, but not his uncharacteristic agitation.
Bobby paused and then sat, awkwardly, on the edge of the armchair, staring at his hands clasped on his knees. His voice faltered, " so, I met a former soldier there named Zeke. And he is divorced, because he has PTSd and he has been violent. He can't see his kids."
Bobby paused, and his eyes darted up to look at her then back down at his hands. For the first time this session, he got completely still. She could tell he was holding back tears because his voice broke.
" I am so fucked up, and I don't want to be Zeke. I don't want my future wife and kids scared of me. I never want them worried that I might hurt them. I would never hurt them." He got up and faced the wall, his head in his hands, his body shaking as he tried to hide his broken sobs. She looked at Lester, who was just watching his friend, his eyes also watering. She knew Lester probably had some demons of his own to slay.
After a few moments, Bobby straightened, took a few slow, deep breaths, calming himself as he likely had done so many times as a sniper and as a battlefield medic. He turned, looked at Lester, then sat on the edge of the armchair, making eye contact with her for the first time in the 30 minutes since he had come into my office. " This may kill me, but I need to fix myself so I can be a good husband and dad and so I don't fuck up my kid."
Cathy sat in her office, finally catching up on some paperwork. Lester had been dropping her off at Bobby's insistence while he was gone. Les had apparently promised Bobby to take care of her. But Les had also now disappeared, something about some assignment for Ranger to help with out of town. It seemed sudden, but I guess security work was like that. Ranger had apparently taken over the job of " looking after Cathy while Bobby was at the training" because he had assigned another guy, the massive guy, Hal, to drive her to work and stay there with her. She thought it was definitely overkill , she was pregnant, not ill, and perfectly capable of caring for herself.
Ranger had said that being a social worker could be dangerous, and Bobby would want her protected, especially since she was carrying his child. Cathy sighed and stroked the small mound that was her baby, her thoughts drifting to the man who had apparently bought an engagement ring for her.
. She and Bobby hadn't really had a chance to talk about the baby, as his training mission came up right after they discovered her pregnancy.
He seemed to want the baby, and to be happy, and she was thrilled to have his baby. He was so string and gentle, and loving, he would make a great dad. When she had been so ill and he found out she was pregnant, he had been so loving and caring, and spent the whole night monitoring her and taking care of her. He would be an amazing husband and father. Except for his PTSD issues. That was still an area of concern. She knew he was afraid of what might come up if he tried therapy, but he needed to deal with his issues so he could stop having the dreams. She knew Bobby would die before he ever hurt her or the baby intentionally, but when he had the dreams… Plus, Bobby had nearly killed her former boyfriend, Scott Anders, for nearly killing her. Bobby w gentle and loving, but also capable of so much violence and of killing for her. as
She had seen the ring on Bobby's desk, so she knew he probably would propose soon, and she wasn't sure what to say.