The five stared up at the colossal creatures that had stomped out of the forest moments ago. The varied reactions from one person to the next were clearly illustrated. Mabel's eyes shone with excitement and wonder, and Dipper mimed that with muted expression. Soos's mouth had fallen open and he looked at the monsters in shock. Wendy and Stan shared a mutual stare of fear.
The massive, moss-covered rock creature growled, "Show us the thief."
Four hands pushed Dipper forward, who slid against the ground. He hadn't even noticed the change in distance between himself and the large creatures, until the rock-monster focused on him. The face on the 'head' boulder had chiseled in eye sockets, and it slowly turned to stare at Dipper.
Dipper dared not face away from the monster. "Thanks guys," Dipper groaned under his breath to those behind him. A monstrous stomp told the approach of the speaking monster, and it leaned down to face Dipper, looking at him face to face. The head of the large rock-thing was easily the size of Dipper's entire chest.
It asked him, "Are you the thief of the grove?" in a rumbling voice. The head had a function mouth and jaw, twisting and orchestrating like it were made of flesh. It clarified as Dipper stared at it, "The one who took the Starkissed of Conservation?"
Dipper shook himself in reply. "The what of the what?" Dipper asked, trying his best not to appear intimidated by the huge monster before him. "Starkissed?"
From behind the rock being, another of the creatures spoke up. "The stone, child," the one made of trees and branches spoke in a gentle, airy voice, with a forgiving tone, "made of light and darkness."
The rock spun its head in a complete one-eighty to face the tree-being. Moving its head around made grinding sounds akin to a stone slab being dragged. "Quiet," the mossy boulder spoke behind him, "they should know what they stole."
The tree, its own head a large trunk of tree, seemed to roll its eyes. "Humans are fallible," it told the mossy rock thing, "They may not have intended to steal the rock," the tree defended itself, bitter at being spoken down to by its rocky comrade, "a reminder isn't out of the question."
"I am trying to interrogate here!" the boulder spun about entirely, walking to his enchanted companions.
As the two monsters spoke, Dipper turned back half way, looking to those behind him. He juggled two different, though very important, feelings. He, as the 'voluntold' emissary for the Mystery Shack had all the pressure in the world to keep the peace. Under that immediate and necessary pressure, he felt responsible for not taking Wendy's words of warning more seriously.
He whispered to the four behind him, "Advice?"
Mabel smiled and said, "Ask them what their sign is," Mabel suggested eagerly, "that's a quick ice-breaker and it's a good way to ensure no hard feelings come about this!"
"This isn't a date Mabel," Dipper told her coldly.
Soos quickly put in his two cents. "Maybe if you introduce yourself as a proud leader of humanity, and warn them of the repercussions of instigating an invasion, that human kind will react viciously and not stop until vengeance is settled," Soos tried. The four looked at him, a little uncertain. He then chuckled, clonking himself aside the head, "Oh, what am I thinking? That's just the plot for 'Evotar: The Last Spacebender'. Then again, all that changed when the solar nation attacked."
Grunkle Stan, unconcerned with Soos' ramblings, suggested, "I can try shooting at them if you distract them? Bring out some of the heavier caliber babies."
Dipper shook his head rapidly. "Why don't we pretend to acknowledge the fact these guys are made of trees, stone, and dirt," Dipper reminded them, "guns can't do anything, and we can't hope to threaten them! Look at them!" Dipper pointed to the mossy boulder, "his finger is the size of your head, Soos!"
Soos recognized the comparison fairly, nodding. "That's a pretty big finger," Soos agreed.
"Maybe we need to give the rock back," Dipper tried carefully. Not to his surprise, Stan was quick to object.
"Yeah right! If these bozos blow up my shack, at least I'll have had something to show them. But if we give the stone back, we have nothing for the shack, and it might as well have been crushed anyway!" Stan told him with conviction.
Wendy, who had been keeping quiet she thought, finally broke her silence. "Maybe you can try offering them something else?" Wendy piped in, having stared at the beings of natural construction.
Dipper repeated, "Offer them... something?"
Stan approached Dipper. "Wait, yeah," he placed a hand on his grand-nephew's, "All you got to do is find out what they want. Maybe they need something that isn't that crazy rock thing inside?"
Dipper eyed him. "This sounds like something your better at," Dipper noted.
"Maybe," Stan said, but eyed Dipper, "but I don't think these guys can buy into my shmact. If they want the real deal, it needs to come from someone who knows how to actually relate to the customer," Stan told Dipper, and added, "Trust me, I lost that talent a while ago."
Dipper sighed. This would be one of those memories he had spoken about at Grunkle Stans not-actual funeral: one he wasn't certain he was going to walk away from intact. These monsters looked like they could push a finger against your head and just shove you into the dirt like a golf tee. Swallowing away his fear as best he could, Dipper puffed out his chest. He strode forward, approaching the arguing beasts.
The one made of vines was speaking, a throaty and nasally sounding voice coming from a head of tangled ivy. "If we needed a break-"
Dipper cleared his throat. "Hey?" Dipper asked loudly. The four stop and turned to face Dipper. The teen stared back up at them, craning his head as beads of sweat formed under his cap. "Uh, hi," he waved to them quickly, "You guys said you needed a break? Are you tired?"
The tree moaned, "We haven't had to walk for over six hundred years," it said, shaking his leg in the air.
The Mossy boulder scowled at his clearly weaker willed allies. "We have a mission-"
Dipper angled his approach towards the tree. "Well, maybe what you need is a massage?" Dipper guessed, stepping closer, trying to act as casual as he could.
The vines-thing's head twisted to the side. "A... massage?" asked.
The tree leaned down to Dipper. "What is this object you speak of?" The tree asked.
"It's not an object. A massage is when you give someone a backrub, or you stretch their skin- err, I guess bark? Limbs? So that they can feel better," Dipper struggled to explain.
While the tree seemed intrigued, the vine creature stood taller and leant away from Dipper. "Stretched?!" the vine creature exclaimed, the vines that made up its body coiling around and tightening.
"Not to the point you are hurt!" Dipper assured him, "just enough to feel nice! Uh, here," he wove the tree to bring its hand over. "I think this would work on you?" Dipper mumbled under his breath, still not convinced that a massage could hope to work on creatures made of mostly inanimate material. "I just push into the bark and- ow! You got some rough area there," Dipper commented as his skin scrapped against the side, but the tree creature gasped in awe.
The tree turned to its comrades, "That was extraordinary! I feel slightly more alert!"
"Did he cast a spell upon you?" The mossy rock demanded, fearfully staring at his tree ally.
"No. He gave me... a massage," the tree being said blissfully.
Dipper, doing his best to hide his now raw palms, nodded. "It sounds like you all have never gotten one before," Dipper grimaced as pleasantly as he could. "Tell you what," he started to suggest, "We'll give you a sample massage for no charge. Just give us... uh, and hour? Yeah, an hour to prepare for the necessary-"
Cutting Dipper off eagerly, the tree thing and moss thing leaned towards him. "Perhaps we will take you on your offer, kind child," the wooden construct happily bent down to speak to Dipper.
A rock hand suddenly pushed aside the tree with a shove. "As soon as you have handed over our stone, that is," the mossy boulder demanded, stern as ever.
Dipper gulped. "Maybe you want a polish?" Dipper suggested to angered boulder, "or, uh, that moss may be itchy. We can scrub it off!"
If a boulder could grow red with anger, it would have been this rock. "This moss," the boulder took a booming step closer to Dipper, who stumbled back, "is my proud acknowledgement of my ever-vigilant stand to protect the most important spot in the world. To scrub it away would be an insult to my honor!" the rock roared at Dipper. The poor teen fell back from the sheer volume of the anger, staring helplessly at the giant creature. "You know nothing of our task, human boy," it scowled at him.
Dipper started to stand, but a well-dressed man strode in front of him quickly. Helping Dipper stand was his sister, and two more pairs of footsteps came up behind him.
Stan rounded on the strange creatures. "Okay, tough guy, look here," Grunkle Stan spoke back to the giant boulder, "I don't know what stuck up, rotten little job you and your earth worm collecting friends are all into, but here when someone offers your something for free, you take it! That was a freebee and you threw it aside. Bad form!"
The fourth, and least spoken of the four, piped up. "We are not earth-worm-collectors," it added, a quieter voice than the others had. It was, ironically made of what seemed to be mud and clay, and could easily be carrying a few worms inside his magical body.
The tree thing explained, "We are golems. Golems of the great earth spirits."
"Earth spirits?" Mabel gasped.
"Our task," the mossy golem reiterated, "has been to guard the Starkissed stone until the guardsman wish it otherwise," it told them proudly, "our great task will go beyond your years and your children's years."
"Well, 'guardians'," Stan quoted the word with his fingers sarcastically, "you clearly did such a good job preventing two teenagers from stealing the most precious stone in the world, didn't you?"
The four gasped, holding their 'hands' to their 'chests'. The vine creature snapped back, "You trying being woken back up to life after six hundred years of sleep! It's no easy task, even for us golems!"
The rock golem stood to its tallest, casting a shadow upon the humans. "Do not stand between our goals and our masters goals," the mossy golem warned dangerously.
Stan scowled. He finally seemed to crumble un the pressure. "Fine, fine," Stan relented, waving two hands into the air, "Okay, you want it back, I'll give it back."
The four golems sighed. "Excellent," the mossy golem said, his boulder shoulders dropping in supposed relief, "I can't wait to go back to sleep."
Stan quickly added, "But just let us borrow it for an hour," pleading for its stay, "My building here will be a perfectly safe place for it to stay for a tad bit longer. Come on pals, what do you say?"
The mossy rock golem spluttered, "Absolutely not!"
"As our mission states," the wooden golem added, "We cannot permit the Starkissed from leaving the grove, as it is our strongest location."
"So hand it back, or suffer our wrath!" The mossy golem bellowed. He then heaved, and the others stepped up, holding him back.
The clay golem quietly stated, "Moss, you need to relax."
"Yeah, you're making us look like an angered gorgon," the tree golem piped in.
The boulder shook its head. "Sorry! I'm just tired still. Rocks don't like being woken up without a good cause." The four golems began to converse quietly to one another, trying to soothe their agitated leader and friend.
Mabel reached out and tugged the back of Dipper's shirt, gaining his attention. "Dipper," Mabel piped up quietly, "Maybe I can do something about this."
"What do you mean?" he asked quickly.
Mabel smiled, and wove her hands in an arch. "The Paths," Mabel told him quickly, her eyes widening in excitement.
Dipper shook his head. "What? You're going to fight them?!" Dipper demanded as quietly as he could, not loving the idea one bit, "Mabel, they're made of stone and stuff!"
"Well, one; I've broken boards before," Mabel told him, but continued," and two; I don't want to fight them. I think I can communicate with their spirits."
"Spirits?" Dipper repeated, "They did mention they work for the earth spirits or whatever?" Dipper asked, as the other three noticed their chat, "what good will that do? And how will you even do that?"
Mabel smirked. "I mighta saw my master doing a meditation with the spirits once. Or, at least that's what I thought she was doing," Mabel admitted. She quickly continued, "Maybe if I can explain our situation, and that we don't want to take the stone away from them forever, then they'll leave us alone and we can return the glowy rock of coolness later!"
As the other three fully caught onto the twin's dialogue, Soos said, "That sounds awfully convenient."
Stan asked, "So what; you'll just pop by a home of the spirit and tell them to have these guys chill out? That does sound too convenient."
Dipper frowned. He eyed his sister. "Can you do it?" Dipper asked his sister directly, looking deep into her eyes for the answer before she could hope to say it. He saw it just as he had expected to.
"Duh," she grinned. "I just need a little time to find a quiet spot where I can meditate. My master did it once – how hard can it be?"
"Wait," Wendy nervously said, "you've never done this before?" Wendy checked in with Mabel. The brunette shrugged but looked nonplussed about the idea of a first attempt. Wendy shrugged, "It's better than trying to appeal to their humanity."
Dipper asked, "How long will it take?"
"Eh. Thirty Minutes?" Mabel told them easily. "At least I think so. Guestimating, here."
Stan hummed, and then put his hands together. "Okay... Okay, Mabel, head inside on my word and head out the backdoor to wherever you need to go," Stan told her, "Lets do what I do best: con these suckas." Stan turned and was followed by the four towards the Golems. "Excuse me, rocky people!" The four stopped their consoling and turned. "Okay, your right. We stole it, we're totally sorry, okay?"
"You will hand it back to us?" the mossy golem quickly demanded.
"Yes! Of course!" Stan replied in an exasperated breath, "my niece will go inside to find the Starwished or whatever. But we put it into a heavy safe, so it will take a few minutes to take out. Just bare with us, okay?" Stan asked them. The mossy golem seemed quickly ready to argue.
Then, the mud and clay golem went 'Ahem'. The rock Golem scowled, and nodded. "Very well. How long must we wait?" it asked.
"Uh," Stan turned to Mabel and nodded her to head off, "thirty minutes. Then you can take your crazy stone and leave my establishment before you become permanent lawn decorations."
Mabel turned and ran, charging inside the Mystery Manor as soon as she could. With a wink to those she left behind, she darted past the doorway and quickly into the kitchen. She would need a match or lighter or some sort, maybe salts, a bottle of water; the exact materials her master had used weren't clear in the fifteen-year-olds mind. It would be close enough, she reasoned. She was really running off vibes.
With the materials stuffed into her pants pockets, she ran across the building to the back door, and peeked outside. The Golems couldn't be spotted, and she assumed she was safe to move on. He feet quietly pattered across the grassy yard, running into the woods for the second time that day.
There were requirements for this kind of meditation. First, she needed a very quiet spot; something easier to find without the construction workers going crazy with their job. Then she needed a place where she could be at peace. Sadly enough, the forest was not currently one of those places. With her brother around, Mabel certainly knew the feeling of ease, but alone, it was slightly more edgy and dangerous.
The eccentric girl did know of a place that could help her. Not too far, by the mountains that surrounded the town, she knew of a mostly intact mineshaft. It had been a place Dipper and her had explored three years ago. At the time, there seemed to be nothing significant to it, other than large mushrooms and abandoned, ancient, mining equipment. The two twelve-year-olds had deemed it then quite mundane. There, she may be able to find peace, at least more ease than alone in the woods. If she placed her butt down in the middle of a tunnel, there would be only two directions something monstrous could attack from.
Leaping over several wide bushes, she finally spotted the inclining hill that held the entrance. It even made sense to her; earth spirits should obviously be found in caves. It was a no brainer.
The climb was quick and her breath was steady as she drove on, arriving inside the dark tunnel. A rusted and worn mine railing laid at her feet. Stopping her breath for a moment, she listened ahead, into the darkness that awaited. To her favor, she heard nothing; no moans, growls, hisses, or roars. With a curt shrug, she walked inside.
Not only was it dark, but it was damp. Mabel could hear the pitter-patter of dripping water around her. She stepped into a cold puddle, the splashing shooting up her pants legs and causing her a quick shiver. Nearly stumbling in her misstep by the puddle, she found dry stone. Taking a few more precautious steps away from the dripping water, Mabel finally nestled down.
"Oookay, spirits of the elements," Mabel quietly said aloud, "prepare to meet the great and wonderful Mabel Pines."
Her feet were crossed over one another. Her rear sat as comfortable as it could against the dirt and pebbles beneath her. Using the same technique she had practiced for days here and for months back home with her master, she cleared her mind. She began breathing deeply.
The thoughts around her drifted and sorted themselves into the darkness. The worries for the Mystery Manor; fading into nothing. Her fears for Dipper; still standing between the golems and the stone. She let herself know they could handle themselves. The concerns all slowly melted away as she let her being become one with the empty world around her. All that remained was the hard part.
Doing her best to not think about her actions, she pulled out the matches and salt. Tossing the salt into a small pile before her, she then lit the match. She could feel the tiny warmth and flickering light dancing over her face. She wondered if she was spooky looking.
"That was a thought," she scolded herself, and cleared her mind again. Gently, she lowered the match to the sprinkling of salts, and heard the small sizzle. It was now or never, assuming she had followed the tasks as she remembered. With a deep breath, she let herself feel as she imagined the earth to feel. Hard, contained, rigid, unmoving. She was eternal and forever stone. Even the weather couldn't change her. Stubborn and slow.
Nothing had happened.
Mabel dared to open one eye. There was nothing around her. She blinked and tried again. She couldn't let herself become discouraged at the idea of her very first attempt not working. She shifted slightly, lit another match, and began to think on the earth.
Mabel felt as she were earth and support. She allowed herself to believe she could be chiseled into statues and monuments, a testimony against the wear of time. There was that light, deep in her mind, flickering and tempting her. Yet nothing happened; no voices or signs of response.
It was not working. "Oh fudge," Mabel mumbled. She released another lit match and tried again.
"It's been a while," Dipper quietly told the others. It had been more than thirty minutes, and the Golems had patiently stared at the four. They had been expecting a change in company, along with a shimmering, rainbow producing black stone. They clearly were becoming agitated, impatient.
Wendy told Dipper, "She'll be fine."
"What if she can't do it?" Dipper continued, not calmed by Wendy's reassurance, "or what if something else found her in the woods?"
Stan nudged him with a soft knuckle. "Quiet," Stan hissed at Dipper, "or we won't have the time to worry about Mabel, but our own sorry skins."
The mossy golem must have heard them talking. "What are you four talking about?" the mossy golem asked after peering at them.
Soos went to explain, "Ah, just worried about-" Wendy and Dipper quickly shoved their hands over the handy-man's mouth.
Wendy, eyes wide and talking out of her butt, said, "What... we'll have for, uh-"
"Lunch," Dipper finished for the redhead.
The golem eyed them all. "Is that so?" the mossy golem asked, and the three nodded in unison. It pondered their response. "Lunch. Such a peculiar mortal habit; to eat." It turned away again, and the two lowered their hands from Soos.
"Aw man, sorry guys," Soos apologized quietly, "I got a little carried away there. You know, seeing golems for the first time, kinda overwhelming."
Stan sighed. Then, he eyed the road that snaked it's way through the forest. "You know," he quietly said, "Maybe all we really need to is hold these chumps here long enough for the paranormal losers to come running back. If they see four living golem creatures in my front yard, they'll hesitate before crushing my business on the internet."
Dipper pointed out, "If they don't, you know, actually crush the building."
The four looked at their very heavy problems. The golems were exchanging looks between one another. It had been some time since the promised thirty minutes, and they seemed to be aware of the passing time. Patience seemed to be part of their being, with exception to the mossy boulder golem, who was quite agitated with their withholding action. He looked at the four, and in a rumbling growl, stepped forward. Steps crunched the earth flat as he approached, and stopped before them.
"We have waited long enough," he told them, "where is she?"
Stan shrugged, the king of playing it cool. "She's taking longer than we thought," Stan told him, hiding his worry with his best nonchalance attitude. "Keep your britches on."
The mossy golem looked offended. "Bridges? Do you mock me?" the golem misheard, angering and pointing towards Stan.
Grunkle Stan's calmly attitude fizzled out at the direct approach of the monstrous magical creature's gesture. "Okay, just take it easy there, big guy. Maybe the safe is giving her some trouble. Its got some complicated passwords on it!" Stan told the golem hastily.
Dipper added with a lie, "Yeah! It requires you to solve an equation based on trigonometry!"
"And a game of hopscotch!" Wendy piped in.
"At the same time!" Soos added.
Either it did not believe them or it was tired of waiting. "Enough!" the golem roared to the four, hair blowing in the gust of hair, forcing them all to hold onto their hats. It warned them, "If she cannot retrieve the stone, then I will break the safe open and take back the stone." It then stomped closer to the building.
Stan yelped. "W-wait! That's my home!" Stan shouted and he ran to block the path, "you can't just destroy where I live! I keep all my worldy possessions in there – my money!"
"That is unfortunate," the tree elemental added sadly. "We are followers of the earth- we do not wish to destroy."
"See? Smart guy here," Stan nodded to the winding tree creature, "knows what's up."
The rock golem cracked it's large-rock knuckles. "You have stolen from us – from our master!" The mossy golem shouted again, "we will not hesitate to destroy that threaten our lives and our secrecy!" The golem lifted its arm, directing it for a sweeping punch at the Mystery Manor.
"No- wait!" Stan begged, but was unheard.
Wendy then yelled as loud as she could, "Golem! I challenge you to a duel!"
Her words echoed around. She stood defiantly, glaring at the monstrous golems, who stared at her in uncertainty. Dipper did a double take to her words; his mouth open wide as she started marching closer to the golem.
The mossy rock golem, paused in his demolition, mused over her words. "A... challenge? Duel?" the mossy boulder golem turned from the shack, taking a single step to be directly before Wendy, who also stopped, glaring up at the collection of stones. "What cause would we have to accept your duel?"
Wendy, with clearly zero fear in her heart, smirked. "You're not afraid of a small human girl, are you?" Wendy rocked her eyebrows up, daring the stone creature to refuse, "that would make you probably the worst guardians ever. In the history of all things."
Dipper took all the fear that Wendy should have had. "Wendy!" Dipper quietly hissed to her. She held a hand back behind her. She looked back over her shoulder to him, giving him good look in the eyes before turning back.
The golem then laughed. "Ha! Fine. I accept your duel. What are your terms, human?"
Wendy was quick with the contest. "We have a staring contest," Wendy declared proudly, "we have to keep our eyes open as long as we can, and not look away from one another."
The three other golems hummed and looked between one another. The mossy golem raised an 'eyebrow' on its stone face. "You... you wish to engage in a challenge of this nature?" the golem chortled, amused to an extreme degree, "against me? A boulder? Ha! Very well!" The golem extended his finger, and Wendy placed her hand onto the tip, not even able to grasp the width of the rock. "If we win?" he asked.
Wendy scowled as she told him his winnings. "You get to bulldoze your way through the building here and get your stupid rock, assuming Mabel hasn't brought it back by then," Wendy told them, and then smiled as she said, "And if we win, you turn your sorry butts away and march back to wherever you came from, and wait until we return that rock to you."
The mossy golem grinned. "Acceptable. Shall we begin?"
Wendy said over her shoulder, "Dipper, give me a countdown."
"Wait, Wendy," Dipper pulled her aside, "you realize that you can't win this, right? He's a rock. He doesn't even have tear ducts to begin with! At least... I don't think he does."
"Dude," Wendy told him, a hand on his shoulder as she gave him a solid reason to feel fluttery in his stomach, "I got this. This isn't about winning: I just got to buy some more time for Mabel, right?" Wendy told him. Dipper's mouth had gone slightly dry, able to feel the breath escape from her words and hit his lips was too intoxicating to maintain a simple thought pattern. Instead, he feebly nodded and stepped aside. "Countdown, buddy."
Dipper nodded. He shook himself free of the bubbly thoughts in his head and stomach. He remembered that Wendy was putting her safety at stake. There were other times he could feel elated to have her touch him like that. Instead, he steeled himself and stepped to their side, in between Wendy and the Golem. He looked between the two competitors.
"Okay. Three, two, one- begin!"
Mabel threw another match down with an exasperated cry. This was the second to last match she had tried using to commune with the spirits of earth. She was cold now, almost shivering in the slow air current of the tunnel as she desperately tried reaching out to these elements. Her mind raced of the things she thought was earth, now just flashing images of rocks and stones and canyons, instead of feeling the intent behind earth. She lit the match, placed it on the salts, and begged for a result. For the eighteenth time, nothing happened.
"C'mon you poop-stick-burning-sucky-thing!" she demanded, the thoughts in her head overwhelming the need for clarity. Mabel was done with the calm approach. She did not want to be calm. She was angry, frustrated, and tired of repeated the process for something that was not working anyway.
"Ugh!" she finally slid back, tossing the salts in her pockets on the ground along with the unlit match. She was enclosed in darkness as she rested herself backwards. Had she misjudged herself? Maybe she wasn't a fantastic pupil after all. Was she just a single, lost student trying to bite off more than she could chew? After all, she hadn't been shown yet how to do any of this.
"No," Mabel told herself and pulled herself upright. "Giving up is for stupids," Mabel told herself as she felt for the matches she had just tossed down, and scooped them into her hands. She felt the single remaining match, and wondered what she could do.
Action was required, but she was dead in the water. No amount of struggle for the spirits of earth had amounted to anything more than a smoldering pile of burnt matches and some singed salt. She lifted the match to where she felt it was before her face and wondered: maybe she was doing this wrong?
Something about the ritual had to be missing. The water she brought with was only a contingency- should the fire burn her or catch fire to something else. The most Mabel had heard from her master about contacting the spirits was that it required focus, meditation, and a real connection. What else was she missing? Was there another step? Did she have to hold a rock in her hand?
"Bleh," she thought the idea of that working with the other elements. Holding water in your hand was slightly harder, but then there was holding air, holding fire. Impossibilities.
Yet then her mind clicked. Maybe she really wasn't talking to the right person.
She felt the cold of the water bottle against her skin, and Mabel quickly removed it from her pocket and tossed it aside. She didn't want any indication to the next element that she had reservations. This one was going to know she meant serious business. Scooping some salt off the ground, she lit the match in her hand, and tossed the salt into the fire.
Mabel did not close her eyes this time though. She stared into the soft orange flame, peering into the core of the fire, thinking of its meaning. Warmth, power, strength to make your own path, uncompromising and unapologetic. This was her element; it spoke to her the strongest in terms of what she remembered from her masters teachings. She was always about that passion, that energy. Between her fingers she held that match, peering into the soul of fire itself.
"Ow!" she gasped, and dropped the match. Her fingertips were slightly singed, but she was okay. The fire was going out on the ground. Mabel closed her eyes in sadness, defeated.
"...lift me back up, child," a voice whispered into her ears.
Mabel gasped. She looked to the tiny flame before her, on the dry earth. It had yet to extinguish. Hesitantly at first, she looked around, and then back to the flame.
"Hello?" she asked the fire.
The small voice again spoke. "Come now, I can't see you. Lift me back up."
Mabel gasped. Had it worked? Now without hesitation, she reached down with the tips of her fingers and lifted the match to her face.
"Well, well, well," the voice pleasantly stated, slightly louder now that it was closer to Mabel, "I am summoned by a young woman? How marvelous." The voice was crackling and soft, exactly as if the embers from burning logs could be a voice. It was gentle and welcoming to Mabel. "I wish to be larger. If you could please provide me some air?"
"Oh – of course!" Mabel puffed her lips and blew on the match gently. To her amazement the flame grew upwards, not consuming any more of the wood by her fingers. She did so again, and the flame grew more and more, soon easily the same size of her head. then two splotches of white color appeared on the general blaze before her. Eyes. They were searing eyes.
"You are a twin," the fire spoke, "and your other is a brother. Interesting. I could feel the desperation emanate from you. All you had to do was direct your attention and you would have noticed my presence much earlier."
"You were around here?" Mabel asked in awe, "wow!"
"Spirits of the natural forces arise wherever our binding resides. The instant someone lights a match, a fire over a stove, a log over a campfire, and even a burning home," the flame warned Mabel, "We reside. In your attempt to speak with earths forces, you called to me."
"Wow... that's soo..." Mabel stared into the clearing face of the fire. More features were forming over time. The stead breeze of the tunnel provided fuel. The eyes now had pupils of bright yellow, and a small outline of a mouth was forming.
"But you didn't call to the spirits for a chat, I imagine, young lady," the spirit of fire told her eagerly, "you want something- otherwise your desperation would be shallow, and my flame would have been a blast of warning."
"Yeah! My friends and I are being attacked by golems!" Mabel told the fire. "I wanted to talk to earth to have him hold off these golems until we can give back the stone-"
"The Starkissed?" the spirit gasped, pulling itself away from Mabel. She stared at the flame, uncertain to its reaction.
"Is that bad?" she winced as she asked the question, afraid to realize she and her brother had become the bad-guys. The flame eyed her, and Mabel felt there was a more complex answer in store. She asked, "What is the that cool rock?"
The fire mused in its response. "Starkissed... are stones of immense potential and power. They are rarer than all the jewels of the earth combined. To find one of the size you found in their grove," the spirit told Mabel, "is more than a lifetime of lifetimes worth of accomplishment. Stealing one, is a dangerous gambit."
"We didn't know it belonged to anyone!" Mabel pleaded, "we just wanted to show it to someone so they believed us about these woods!"
"I understand, young lady," the fire nodded, "you clearly cared enough. I respect that. And after all, trust is an important thing to have. Yet, I feel I must warn you, the owner of the stone might be less forgiving than the golems who approach you."
"The owner?" Mabel asked, "There's a guy who owns that stone? Wait," Mabel recalled the golems words, "but they said they had been guarding it for over six hundred years!"
"Indeed they have," the spirit nodded.
"But you said the owner would be less forgiving, like he's still up 'n kicking. Isn't the owner dead?" Mabel asked after a pause from the fire. The flame shook its head side to side. "Whoa." Someone out there, or something out there, had been alive for six hundred years, and at one point stopped by the lands that would become Gravity Falls. "Who is it?"
Flame itself smirked. "A being of ancient power," the spirit began cautiously, "A shadowy creature that has overcome much. It has reforged itself many times in its ancient history. I would warn you to not become enemies with this creature."
Mabel gulped. If the golems hadn't liked them stealing the stone, what would this scary, old sounding person respond with? It wasn't a question Mabel intended to find out. "Can you help me?" Mabel asked the spirit after a moment to think, "I need to have the golems chill just for a little bit."
"They would never listen to my command. Those golems serve the earth and the guardsman, and will not reply to the command of the spirits of flame."
"Well," Mabel tried again, "can you do anything? Ask a friend for a favor?"
The spirit, now with a full face, sculpted to be neither woman nor man, but beautiful all the same, had a pause. It seemed to be thinking. Mabels eyes shimmered in the flame before her, and the spirit grinned widely. "Perhaps I can. It will not be instantaneous," the spirit of flame warned her, "but perhaps I can summon assistance to your cause. I do trust you will return the Starkissed as soon as you are done with it?" he asked, eying her.
"Of course we will!" Mabel assured it, "we don't even know what to do with the crazy thing-a-majig. It just looked pretty."
"As you say. As long as the stone is returned after this incident, then I will act on faith," the spirit agreed, "I will send help. I cannot guarantee that it will stop them from their assault, but slow down? I most certainly think so."
"Oh, thank you!" Mabel wanted to kiss the face, but the heat reminded her of the very real danger the spirit possessed. "Thank you so much!"
"Of course, young lady. Now, as a reminder, you probably haven't noticed that your hands are on fire," the spirit looked down to her hands, holding the match.
In the growth of the spirit of flame, Mabel didn't notice it's spread up her fingers. Indeed, she didn't seem burnt, and didn't feel it either. She gulped, and looked back to the spirit.
"As soon as the match leaves your fingers, I will no longer have the ability to keep your skin safe," it told her apologetically.
"Wait... so I'm going to be all burned up!?" Mabel shouted as she stared at her flickering hands through the fire.
"It is the danger of being one of flame," The spirit told her sadly, "one who is adequately prepared for flame would never have held me so close. I am a dangerous being, after all. Consider it a life-lesson."
"Oh... oh crud," Mabel swallowed loudly. She prepared with the very real possibility for her hands to be quite burned after this conversation. She then told it, "Okay... I'm ready."
"A word of advice, Mabel Pines," the spirit told her, "those with the heart of fire must be prepared to be tempered by the same fire we wish to unleash. Our curse is our strength; to burn. Have some water nearby next time, why don't you?" the fire suggested cleverly. "Time for me to go now, or I'll be too large for you to put out naturally."
"Okay," Mabel nodded, "thanks again... bye- OWW!" Mabel screamed as she threw the match to the ground and tucked her hands under her arms. She felt the incredible burn of the fire wash away, leaving an icy cold residual pain along her fingers. The light was gone, and Mabel stumbled over to the water bottle. Her fingers raw, she struggled to open the bottle in the darkness, but finally managed. "Futter nutter butter crudder!" Mabel shouted as she poured water onto her burnt hands.
With a pained gasp, she stood up, trying her best to cradle her fingers together as she collected the plastic water bottle into her pocket. Mabel took her firsts step towards the exit, desperate for some anti-burn. The pain was severe, but at least worth it.
Help was on the way, as promised by fire itself.
Soos hooted excitedly, "This is going to be a new world record!"
Stan clapped his oldest employees back. "Man! An employee I can finally advertise free of any guilt!? This is great!" Stan agreed, putting an arm around Soos. He held out a hand, painting a sign in his mind, "World-famous for longest unblinking eyes: Wendy Corduroy!"
Dipper asked the red-head, "Wendy, tell me you can still see?"
"Yup. Still see a big, mossy rock face," Wendy nodded gently, glaring at the face of the mossy boulder.
It had been over fifty minutes since the begin of the staring contest. Wendy's eyes had, shockingly enough, never watered, blinked, even gotten puffy or red in the near hour that had passed. Mabel had yet to show, but Wendy was showing no signs of slowing down. Dipper was a sucker for records like this, and he wasn't sure how long Wendy could go for. The human body had limits, and she had broken the last record almost ten minutes ago.
"Any pain?" Dipper asked her gently.
"Rather not talk about that," Wendy reminded him with a forced smile. Dipper inwardly throttled himself for being stupid enough to ask it, and nodded in apology. He wanted so badly to get her something, to hydrate her probably cracked eyes.
The golem was thoroughly unamused. "This must be some sort of trickery," the golem growled, "humans have watery eyes! How can yours not have gone bad by now?"
Wendy shrugged. "Maybe I just have some crazy pain tolerance," Wendy told the golem with a clever grin. "Dipper," Wendy quietly told the younger teenager next to her, "maybe its about time you and Soos went after Mabel?"
"And leave you behind?" Dipper replied fearfully.
"Man, I can handle myself," she reminded him, "I was thrown out a window by a shapeshifter without a scratch. I'm good, okay?" Wendy resisted the urge to wink at Dipper. Though she stared at the golem, she smiled to Dipper. He resolved his worry slightly and nodded.
Dipper nodded. "Okay, we'll be right-"
There was sound coming up the driveway. He slowly turned; his eyes wide. A banged-up van rolled towards the Mystery Manor. Dipper's heart slowed. If these guys saw the golems, maybe they wouldn't have to keep the Starkissed anymore. The doors of the van opened, and out stepped the five men. Geoffrey was first to emerged, from his usual driver seat. The four others followed, two of them removing their glasses to stare at the golems, who all stared back.
Marcus, the widest of the five members of the NPPP whistled. "Wow. He was not kidding," Marcus said as they approached, "No stops. Look at these animatronics!"
Stan's mind reeled at his comment. "Anima-" Stan barked at the men as they shook their heads, approaching the golems, "These aren't animatronics you idiots!"
Their leader, Geoffrey, snorted. "Right. We gave you a chance to come up with something truly paranormal, and the best you get," Geoffrey announced, "Is a squad of giant robots. Hey, at least it won't be a zero. It is a mystery to how you guys got these lying around without anyone noticing."
Soos, his very extensive patience growing thin, yelled at them. "Mister Pines isn't lying!" Soos called, on the verge of anger, "How could he lie about these dudes?"
Dipper added, "These are golems! Enchanted parts of earth that come alive!"
"Golems, huh?" Geoffrey repeated as he walked up to Wendy and the face of the mossy golem, who refused to look away.
The mossy golem snarled, "Get your human friends away."
Wendy shook her head, eyes still unblinking. "They're not our friends," Wendy told him back.
Adam, the suave one, asked, "What're you two doing?" as he scratched his brow, "having a staring contest?"
Wendy nodded firmly.
"Yup. Stop interrupting," Wendy and the golem told them dangerously.
Geoffrey laughed loudly, and stepped up to them, taking his hands out of his pockets. As he did, Ben lifted his device, and scanned the being. Ben called out, "Oh gosh! Guys-"
Geoffrey reached out for the golem. "How does this thing turn off? Where's the speakers?" Geoffrey stepped in between the two, and quickly grabbed the face of the golem. Wendy refused to break eye contact, and moved aside staring at the golem. The golem was less adaptive to the interruption; it roared furiously. It stood upright, tossing back the aggressor who had grasped his face.
"How dare you interfere with the noble duel of the staring contest!?" The mossy golem shouted at the trench coat wearing man, who was struggling to gain his footing again. "This," the golem turned to Wendy, "Was part of an elaborate scheme, wasn't it? You engaged me on a long-winded duel to wait for reinforcements, to steal away the Starkissed!"
Wendy scowled. "Dude, these guys are idiots. We didn't plan anything with them," Wendy defended herself, "And I never blinked, once! You lose! Start walking!" she barked at the golem, pointing at the woodlands.
"ENOUGH!" the boulder shook the ground with its bellows, birds in distant forest regions taking to the sky. "You will not walk away free this day, thieves!" The golem made to smash at Wendy, who dived aside.
"Holy tamales!" Stan shouted as he ran aside with Soos, the people around the mossy golem scattering. "Run for your lives, you idiots!" Stan shouted at the N.P.P.P, who were avidly watching the four golems march for them.
"No way," Luke, the know-it-all stammered as the shadows of four earthly beings stomped closer, "This isn't ghost activity."
Ben, the nerd of the group, shouted, "This is a class four monster!" He then yelled and ran; the first to turn away and run into the van. "The EMF detector is going nuts!" he shouted as the other four men ran after him. They might have gotten farther away, and faster, if they hadn't been stumbling with their jackets being caught under their feet.
As the four golems rounded on the Mystery Shack, soon to be Mystery Manor, Stan waved his hands. "Hey!" he shouted, and then pointed to the van, "We don't have it! They do!"
Golems looked towards the van, and growled.
The tree golem gasped as it saw the van's engine turn on. "Technology that pollutes?! Destroy it!" The tree golem shouted.
As the last door of the second-hand van closed, the mossy golem obliged his forest ally. He swung his stone foot, kicking the side of the van with his huge boulder feet. The vehicle was lifted, rolling wildly to the side as it hurtled away. It went crashing and spinning over and over itself, flattening the radio dish on the rooftop. Windows shattered and the sides bent inward as it the van rolled to an upright position.
Screaming from their ruined vehicle, the five members of the NPPP yelled out, "We don't have anything!" the five inside the van desperately called, trying to crawl their way out of the windows, cut and bruised everywhere.
"I want to go back to the asylum!" Geoffrey whined as he ran behind the trees and cowered there with the others. "Ghosts are easier to deal with than this!"
The mud golem turned to the defenders of the Mystery Manor/shack. "You lied to us!?" The mud golem spouted, the other four golems rounding towards the building. "Liars and thieves?" it announced hatefully.
Stan rolled his eyes. "Yeesh, you try to make a living these days and suddenly everyone's a critic," Stan said as he and the three others backed up against the building.
"Aw crud," Soos moaned as they backed up against a wall, powerless to battle against these titans of the earth.
Dipper put his hands out, trying to stall the golems. "We'll go get you the stone!" Dipper called, "Just let us go inside! I'll go get it now-" Dipper had started to step towards the door, but a huge fist slammed into the ground in front of him, and he halted his movement. "Not moving an inch," he said in an all-too-calm voice.
The vine golem snarled at them. "We let one of your human friends inside already," the vine golem said, "And she has yet to return. Should we let another one go inside? Perhaps to relocate the stone!?"
Wendy let out an exasperated growl. "No! He can go inside and get it for you!" Wendy shouted, "Just give him a chance!"
"No more chances!" The mossy golem shouted, and raised its fist. The eyes on the golem then shifted. He was looking into the sky, far above the Mystery Manor. "Ah... ah... Impossible!"
As Soos and Dipper flinched, awaiting the terrible pummeling, Stan looked up. "What's he looking at?" Stan asked, "is he looking at my wind gauge?"
There was a screech, shrill and vibrant enough for all the humans of the area to clasp their hands to their heads. Something was glowing, bright and powerfully. The mossy golem had barely any time to react. A huge burning object slammed into the fist, tossing back the hefty creature with a resounding bang. The other golems gasped and took steps back, shielding their eyes from the flying creature in mid-air, its huge, burning wings gusting hot air around the Manor.
"Is... is that," Wendy gasped, stepping forward.
By the tree line, the entire group of the NPPP announced, "A phoenix!?"
The huge bird was easily the size of the mossy golem. Golden feathers lined its belly, and bright crimson feathers cascaded along its side and top. It appeared in similar fashion to the thunderbird portion of the plastic totem pole Stan had standing next to the Mystery Manor.
Dipper, in awe of the image of the bird, asked quietly, "What the heck is going on?"
From the side-entrance of the under-construction building, a proud voice called out, "Reinforcements." The four turned, seeing Mabel walking out of the shack calmly, cradling her arms.
"Mabel!" Dipper shouted. He ran to her quickly, forgetting the spectacle that was the bird of fire. "Your hands- did that-" he motioned to the phoenix.
Mabel quickly shook her head. "Nah, that was my fault," Mabel grimaced at the pain shooting through her hands, "Gimme a sec bro. Got to fix this, don't I?" she told him as she stepped to the recovering Golem, "Hey! Big guy!" she told him, "You want it badly enough to break stuff? Here!" She lifted her arms up, revealing she had gathered the strange black stone. She held it above her head.
The tree golem, having stepped furthest away from phoenix, pointed to it. "Where did you get that?" it asked fearfully.
"I asked for a favor," Mabel tried her best to sound easy, but the pain of her burns causing her to wince.
The vine golem looked between the turbo-bird and Mabel. "I only know of one who can summon a phoenix to a location remotely," the vine golem said to the others. There was a shift in mood among these guardians, and they looked to Mabel in awe.
The mossy golem glanced between her and the large burning bird as it dropped next to Mabel. Standing upright, it was tall enough to look the being of earth dead in the eyes. It screeched at him, daring the rocky collection to approach. Some of the moss had been singed, and it was with a pause that the giant creature strode forward, and lowered a hand down to Mabel. She dropped the stone inside its hand and stepped back, clutching her injured hands.
The golem, carefully clutching the stone, backed away. "Let us not have this happen again," the golem warned them as he turned, "And make sure you are thankful for your gift. He does not often place favor on anyone, let alone favor enough to send a sun bird to help."
Mabel nodded faintly. "Yeah, don't worry," Mabel nodded, "next time we'll ask nicely if we need to visit you and your sparkly grove of jewels."
The four golems looked to her and the remaining humans, and slowly turned and started heading off towards the forest they came from, their resounding steps shaking the ground like miniature earthquakes. Before they fully left, Mabel's great pain-threshold failed her. She let her already strained image of composure fall away like ashes. She collapsed to a squat, and let out a long, "Owwww!" She examined the damage, which were not, to put it simple, light burns.
Dipper ran to her side, and eyed her hands. "Oh my god! Mabel!"
"It's okay. Maybe a little bit of anti-burn and ice will do the trick?" she asked hopefully to her brother.
His response was less hopeful. Those were not standard burns, but possibly hospital-attendance-required burns. His did not know what to say. Dipper begged instead to take the burn instead, anything to take the anguish out of Mabel's eyes.
There was a loud screech again. Dipper turned to the bird, clutching his sister protectively. The massive phoenix, majestically shaped like an eagle the size of car, stepped closer to Mabel and Dipper. It checked her with one side of its face, using an eye to stare at her. Dipper didn't seem to concern it, and he presumed, that was the best case scenario.
Mabel, though agony, still managed to smile. "Oh, thanks buddy," Mabel told the bird, "And tell thanks to whoever sent you. They're awesome."
The bird blinked. It firmly and steadily pushed at Mabel with its beak. Before she could stop herself, Mabel placed her hands on the side of the bird, in attempt to hold it back from further pushing her down. Her hand hit more flames.
"Mabel!" Dipper yelled, about ready to throw himself between the young lady and the bird. The phoenix pulled its head away. Standing there, shocked, was Mabel. She fell to a full seat, eying her hands. His own gaze turned down to her hands, and he could scarcely believe what he saw: the burns had vanished. "What the... your hands!?"
Mabel looked up to Dipper. "Can phoenix heal people?" Mabel asked Dipper as she started to stand, waving her hands around through the air, uncertain if they truly were healed, or she was undergoing some hallucination.
From the protective shrubs, Ben of the NPPP spoke up. "Mythologicaly speaking," Ben he explained, "Phoenix tears, ash, feathers, and even claws were considered to be tools for rebirth. It was said that they had amazing healing prop-" the phoenix screeched at him, causing him to yelp and hide further into the forest.
Mabel, her eyes shimmering, looked up to the massive creature. "Thanks buddy," Mabel said again to the bird. It gave her a single glance and small chirp in response. Gusts of hot air were blown around as the areal inferno flashed its wings and took to the sky. It let out a hair-raising screech as it flew into the distance, leaving a trail of embers and dissipating smoke.
Wendy, who had watched the bird soar away, looked back over to the NPP briefly. "It can cause rebirth?" Wendy asked quietly.
Stan scowled, pocketing his hands. "Man! That's something I should have known," Stan snapped his fingers as he too saw the huge creature soar over the mountains, "Those feathers; could have kept a few for myself, you know?"
"Grunkle Stan, you aren't close to dying," Mabel turned to her grand uncle.
He let out a barking laugh. "Says the person who came up to town to see me because they thought I died!" He had little time to chastise her more, as she ran to give him a quick hug. "Gah! Okay, okay, you win this point. Fine." Stan chuckled as the five of them realized they had scraped by again without a permanent injury. Then his eyes focused on the trembling crew in the woods.
Wendy pointed a thumb at the NPPP. "What about them?" Wendy asked. "They kind of witnessed everything, like they wanted to."
Stan nodded, and then came to a quick decision. "Yeah. One second," Stan started to march over, taking his sweet time to bask in the glory that was his critics cowering. It was just perfect, he had to do a little skip as he walked over. "Hey, you chumps," he called to them shaking them from their stammering, "So, the rating?"
Fearfully scanning the skies, the previously cock leader, Geoffrey, stammered in reply to Stan's question. "W-w-what?" Geoffrey managed to reply dimly, "But what if another one comes down?"
"Trust me fellas, if you're worried something is going to jump out of the skies and eat you, you really don't want to stick around, "Grunkle Stan told them, "We've had to deal with pterodactyls before, so this is-"
"What!?" the five shouted in shock.
"Yeah," Stan lazily said, clearing out his ears with the tip of his finger, "They were stuck in sap until the summer heat melted it away. Luck for the dinosaur, almost bad luck for a pig. Anyway," Stan leaned on the tree, staring at the five men who still cowered in the shadows, "you guys might want to come out of the woods. Just as many crazy stuff can eat you from there."
The N.P.P.P. leapt out from the trees and ran into the middle of the gravel road, looking around for signs of predatory activity. Their world, it seemed, had been shaken, shattered, and smashed over their heads.
Stan cleared his throat. "So, the rating?" Stan asked them, stepping forward with his usual confident strides.
"T-t-t-ten out of ten," Geoffrey managed to speak before turning and walking quickly towards the busted van, "time to go."
Stan let out a pretentiously disappointed groan. "Awww, you sure you fellas don't want a tour? I'm sure if you just go back down to the diner, we can find an undead army somewhere around here to show off!" Grunkle Stan advertised to the five, who seemed as if they were done with their careers as paranormal investigators. They climbed into the van, which spluttered back to life, and it pathetically bumbled away, unsteady and in dire need of repairs as it raced down the drive way. Stan took in a long, satisfied breath as he watched the five grad-students flee. "Ah, the feeling of using terror and fearing for ones life as a means for advertising," Stan beamed as he basked in victory.
Soos mentioned, "Good thing Mabel was able to speak to the spirits of the earth."
Mabel scoffed. "Wasn't the spirits of the earth," Mabel informed the others, "I couldn't get through to the guy, so I spoke to fire."
Dipper nodded. "Hence the phoenix! And why your hands were burned," Dipper guessed.
"Yeah, kind of didn't expect to have that happen," Mabel admitted.
Stan turned back to them, rubbing his hands together eagerly. "Well, at least everything is nice and calm now. Thank goodness for the intervention of mythological creatures at a convenient time to save the day!" he laughed. The five grouped around, watching the disappearing van leave a smoke trail. "All is good," Stan calmly said, and then sniffed the air. "Do you smell something burning?"
Stan and the crew turned to look at the building. The roof had caught fire.
"Holy smokes!" Stan shouted as the small fire slowly spread from the top to the tiles around it. "Soos, put it out!"
"I'm on it, mister pines!" Soos shouted as he ran over to the hose and grabbed a ladder.
"Damn phoenix!" Stan roared into the sky, "I'll pluck you alive and sell your parts to collectors if you ever come back here again!" He ran off to help Soos, who had caught the end of the hose, desperately trying to angle it to spray the rooftop.
Mabel sighed, watching the chaos unfold. "Well, at least we saved the shack," Mabel said, wrapping her arms around Wendy and Dipper as the fire spread over the roof. "Mostly saved," she cautiously added as the 'shack' half of the Mystery Shack fell from the room, a flaming ruin.
Classic rock. A great genre of music, a fun way to poke fun at a witty sentient stone, and a well polished hunk of Marble.
This wont be the last time you all see the Starkissed. Or the phoenix. Or the N.P.P.P. Or Wendy! Thank god for Wendy; what would we do without her?
Wendy: (poking her head through the door) I dunno dude. Just be chill.
Thanks Wendy, you da man. (she leaves after giving a contemplative nod to EZB) So, I hope you all enjoyed the chapter! It's been a fun/busy week here during Turkey week, location EZB-land, but we're all still managing to provide as much content as humanly possible, or otherwise. Yahoo!
If you've been enjoying the fun thus far, remember to check TheEquestrianIdiot2.0 for various other doodads and fun things, including things that are TOTALLY HORRIFICALLY AWESOME. Or hell, our Adaption of Gravity Falls into Aliens. Chestburster, anyone? (EZB looks at his chest expectantly) huh. Nothing. Kind of odd for nothing to happen. (Mjolnir, The Hammer of Thunder, crashes down on EZB, pinning him to the ground) OOWWWWWUUGGGHHH... wasn't this in my Hellsing story? Why are you here, mighty hammer?
Wendy: (steps back in) Oh. I got you bro. (she lifts the hammer easily and marches out the weapon resting on her shoulders. EZB stares.)
Holy crud. (the roof caves in onto the stunned writer, burying him alive.)
Deep in the forest, by a glade that few sentient beings knew of, four massive golems emerged through the thick plant wall. One by one, they approached the center, where they had awaited for hundreds of years.
"There we go," the rock golem said, gently placing back the Starkissed Stone, which flashed with energy once it was placed onto the earth.
The other three let out a long, tired, sigh. The mud golem asked quickly, "Now it has been done."
The tree golem raised a triumphant fist. "Our first ever search and rescue was a roaring success!" it declared. The other three stared at it disapprovingly.
The vine golem reminded the tree companion, "That was our first mission… ever."
The tree golem scoffed. "Well, good for us! A milestone in our long service here! It'll be our first in a long line of catching thieves and telling them to give us stuff back."
The rock golem nodded proudly. "I like the way you think. We totally rocked." He wiggled his 'eyebrows' at the other three. The vine golem groaned.
Joining in the pun-manship, the mud golem snorted. "Right. Glad we didn't leave a stain on our record, huh?" it said, letting mud and clay drip from its arms.
All but the vine golem laughed. The tree golem took its turn. "Yeah, we really leaf them breathless, huh?"
As the three other golems chuckled, the vine golem whined, "When is the guardsman returning? I miss him. He was the best one to talk to."
The rock golem eyed him. "He was basically silent."
"Yes," the vine golem snapped back, "I liked that about him. Best company I have ever known." The other three stared at him sadly, and the grove fell silent. The vine golem let out a long, content sigh. He clearly was pleased with his emotional bludgeoning.
Zkr hadfwob gr wkhvh jrohpv vhuyh? Pdbeh kh'v lqwr jdughqlqj.
9-20'19 19-15-15 19-16-1-18-11-12-25. 12-5-20'19 21-19-5 9-20 1-19 1 4-9-19-3-15 2-1-12-12!