It was the day. Or it was hopefully the day, at least.
This could be the day where Dipper and Mabel finally understood what was really going on here; what was going on in Gravity Falls. After almost two weeks without a real clue, on the thirteenth day Dipper was about to be called into town hall to receive the demographic data of the town. Finally, he would understand. If they were lucky, the information would reveal what was going on. All the twins needed was a name of a person, a company, or event that could have triggered this all. Something.
A lot was riding on this call. All Dipper had done this day was sit on his bed, cross legged, while staring at his phone. It was still morning and all he hadn't even gotten up to eat.
Across the room, Mabel groaned out, "Dippeerrrrr," as she did the sixth handstand in a row, bored from sitting around, "C'mon bro, we can totally do something else if we just keep the phone with you. We're sitting around like a bunch of goobers protesting."
"I just want to be there when they call. They said it would be today," Dipper reminded her, "So, I'm just going to play it safe."
"Uggghhh," Mabel landed back onto her bed, her body bouncing off the springs of her bed noisily as she snarled at the ceiling, "Dude, c'mon."
"Mabel, this isn't just our last day, this is our real last chance!"
"We don't know that," Mabel stated strongly, "For all we know this could be one of those things that does take years or whatever to solve."
Dipper tensed at that possibility. "Don't say that," Dipper huffed, his eyes flicking between her and the phone nervously, "I'll go full on crazy if this is going to be one of those things that sits by my desk and taunts me ever time I get up for school. Like 'oh, ha-ha, you couldn't get us solved! What a loser!'."
"Well, aside from being a loser," Mabel sneered at her brother, who tossed a pillow at her and she blocked it with great reflexes, "I'm sure there's something we can do for a bit while we wait for the word."
"Like what?"
"I don't know. Is there anything we should have at the ready? Pencils and things?" Mabel scratched her head as she tossed the pillow back to Dipper, who was not paying attention until the white poofy object smacked his head. "Heh, dweeb," she snickered.
"Shut up," Dipper glared back at her, containing his smile to a minimum. "Fine, you want to collect pencils for this? Be my guest-"
"You know what I mean," Mabel told him as she scooted her legs over the side of the bed, "Maps, pens and pencils, extra papers, those sorts of stuff. What if we not only can solve it, but if something bad is happening, we have a chance to fix it? Isn't that worth just getting up for a bit to look around?"
The male twin stared to his counterpart. Her argument was solid. It wasn't just going to be a solve-and-step-away mystery. Dipper had a feeling that whatever was going was bigger than one artificial human hiding in the populace. He and Mabel may have something crazy coming up soon.
"Well... okay," Dipper relented and scooped his phone up and slid it into a pocket.
Mabel cheered as she bounded up with her brother. "Yes! Active involvement wins again!" Mabel roared to the ceiling as she spun around in circles, "Okay, I'll go look for supplies, and you find some maps!"
"Okay – just standard supplies though!" Dipper warned her as they left their room together, Mabel bouncing down the stairs in excitement. Dipper followed, and followed his sister into the gift shop, where, as always, two figures awaited, one by the wooden counter, the other cleaning the floor, humming to himself.
"Hey guys," Mabel waved to both as she bounded in, skipping off her feet.
"Hi Mabel, Hi Dipper" Wendy stated from behind her magazine.
"Yo hambone," Soos said happily as he reached under a clothing rack with his broom for dust, "Whut-up, my man?" Soos added when the quieter Dipper strolled in, looking around the gift shop.
"We're gathering supplies," Mabel answered for her pensive brother. "We're about to crack down on the mystery that's been keeping us here!"
"Huh?" Wendy peeled away 'Teenage Ignoring Techniques: Summer Work Edition' from her face, "Wait, the one with the blue thingies?"
Dipper nodded. "At least we hope so," Dipper acknowledged, "We don't technically have any solid proof that we will, but with some data that the Gravity Falls city council is going to give us, we may be able to pinpoint what the heck is going on."
"Wow," Soos adjusted his had as he looked to Dipper, "That's some crazy data."
Mabel, still hopping around like a jumping bean, explained, "Dipper was staring at his phone for an hour upstairs, and wouldn't budge until I could convince him that we should get stuff ready for the mission."
"Stuff, huh?" Wendy put a hand to her chin, visibly in thought. "You know, I may have a few things that could help."
Those pesky butterflies arrived back in Dipper's stomach. "You – you would?" he asked.
Wendy smirked, and reached behind the wooden island. "Yeah man, I keep some stuff with me just in case," Wendy pulled up her pack, and undid the main pocket. Indeed, inside were a collection of compasses, a scale, a ruler, and a few markers.
Mabel cheered, "Awesome! Now all we need are some maps."
Wendy peered around the hyperactive twin, looking to her coworker. "Soos, you know where the maps are that Stan keeps, right?" she asked.
"Uh, not really," Soos admitted, picking uncomfortably at the end of his broom. "I mean, it's not something I'm supposed to just go get."
"That's fine," Dipper told his friend, "I can get them from him," he said, and turned to leave. He was so pleased that they all were eager to help as much as his sister. Then, it dawned on him; they were always down to help. Maybe they could help… even more? "Hey... you know," Dipper stopped half way from turning, "We could use some more help with this. Wendy, Soos, do you want in on this all?"
Wendy looked like she had been offered a cool drink after a drought. "You kidding me?" Wendy quickly bounded off her stool, "I'm in so much you can't even handle me!"
Soos gave the offer a thought. "I don't think Mister Pines will mind if I help. Yeah dude!" Soos nodded as well, "Count me in!"
Trembling with great power, Mabel roared, "The posse is assembled!" Mabel roared with gusto, pointing a finger dramatically skyward.
Dipper, smiling through Mabel's sheer volume, told them, "Head to the room; we can prepare and label a map when I get them. I'll be up in a minute I think," Dipper told them as he turned towards the kitchen, where he had heard Stan's groaning reply to Mabel's screams.
"Onward, my fellow countrymen!" Mabel declared as she galloped to the stairs, followed by a laughing redhead and an excited man-child.
Dipper rounded the corner to the kitchen and found his grand uncle sitting by the table. He was staring out the window with bloodshot eyes, wearing his usual morning garb, stained boxers and a rough undershirt. For once, Dipper was happy to catch him in his less agreeable state.
"Grunkle Stan," Dipper called from the doorway, peeking his head just a tad through the kitchen doorway, "do you have maps lying around anywhere?"
Stanley was pouring himself a glass of something strong, and had no need to face Dipper. "Yeah," he grumped, "In the closet by my room. Go knock yourself out – but you touch anything in there you clean it!" Grunkle Stan added with a warning.
"Thanks!"
Dipper turned away and rushed for the closet. All he needed was three maps- one of Oregon, one of the region, and then one of Gravity Falls. If the closet contained those three specific map types, he would more than good to go. With Ford's Third journal tucked under his arm, there wouldn't be any secret left untouched for them to miss.
The closet door swung open and Dipper groaned. Grunkle Stan knew exactly what kind of state this closet was in when he told him to clean it if he touched it. It was a wreck. Cardboard boxes and wooden crates and broken brooms and plenty of small miscellaneous things scattered the innards of the tiny room. It must have become Grunkle Stans personal dumping ground.
With a contained whine, Dipper began to lift and sort through the unmanaged supplies scattered around the closet. Broken handles, several old Lil' Gideon memorabilia, a few cease-and-desist letters, nothing that didn't shock Dipper about his Grand Uncle. Then he saw the maps. Finally. Grabbing the collection of hastily rolled up maps, a cloud of dust struck his nose.
A powerful, yet strangely feminine sneeze erupted from Dipper. He bent forward and banged his knee into a box. It was the catalyst that would lead to exactly what he hadn't wanted – an avalanche of boxes and dusty objects spilling into the hall. Dipper, with wide eyes, stared at the mess, and slowly began to turn away.
"Clean it up!" Grunkle Stan called from the kitchen, just as Dipper was preparing to tip-toe away from the scene of the crime.
"Okay, okay!" Dipper waved a hand through the air, coughing out what inhaled dust he had managed to store in his lungs.
It felt like each thing he lifted from the pile then permitted another more fragile object to fall to the ground. If a box was lifted, a crate fell into its place. If that crate was lifted, an ugly portrait of a clown fell there. If that creepy clown picture was tossed aside, a vintage game box fell into its place.
Dipper stalled as he spotted the game box. "Whoa, whoa," Dipper muttered, dropping the clown painting to the side. Eyeing what had just appeared before him, he lowered the weird painting slowly and looked to what was lurking in a closet all this time.
His eyes shimmered. It was first edition. He lifted it with his fingers and blew the dust away from him with a puff. Gingerly, like a masterful surgeon, he coaxed open the lid. Dippers eyes grew wider still. There were inside pieces still intact. The teenager's excitement grew stronger. There was original source material and handbooks! His eyes grew so wide he could have been looking at diamonds coated in gold.
To Dipper, it was even better.
He closed the box, grabbed the maps next to him, and he abandoned the mess. He was willing to risk the curmudgeonly attitudes of Grunkle Stan if he could just share his discovery with the others.
His feet rushed up the stairs, too fast to make much noise, and thus his exit was hasty and quiet. He would be sharing this amazing discovery with his friends and sister at any moment. There was his door, and with a few long strides, he opened it, stepped in, and closed it behind him with a swift shut. Soos sat on the floor by Mabel's bed and Wendy by Dipper's as the twin sister bounced on her own bed.
Soos looked to the blue cylinders on Dipper's desk. "You think if you hooked them up to a toy car it would run?" Soos asked, spying it from a distance.
Mabel, still bouncing on her bed, replied, "What if that came to life too?" Mabel asked, and then noticed Dipper, "About time, slowpoke."
Wendy mused aloud, "Like it animates stuff? Or maybe it just mechanizes things? Super-crazy."
Mabel made a quiet 'I dunno' noise, and spied her brother again. He still hadn't moved from the door. "Dipper?" Mabel asked as Dipper remained rooted in his spot. The other two turned and stared at him. He stood perfectly upright with exception to his head; crooked down and staring to a box that he held between his hands. The maps fell to the floor and rolled away, entirely unnoticed by Dipper.
"First edition... collectors set... comes with pieces," Dipper was murmuring just loud enough for the others to catch the occasional word. They watched as Dipper was in some sort of trance like state. He slowly stepped forward, raising the box higher and higher, holding it to the weak warm glow of the bulbs in the room. Dipper finally said as the box came into view of the others, "The greatest gift the world of nerds has ever been gifted, the test of a dork, the courage of geeks, the greatest game someone with imagination can have!"
Soos asked, "Blockcraft?"
Dipper shook his head like he were in a dream, distant and blissful, and in his greatest awe said, "Strongholds and Serpents."
Dipper fell to his knees before Soos, Wendy, and Mabel; who had just left the bed and come to complete the circle. The box was impressive, but dated. The cover image was a vintage drawing of four figures, a swordsman with a shield in full armor, a wizard with a staff, an elf with a bow, and a dwarf with a large battle hammer, all circled around a dangerous and scary looking horned serpent. All their attention was focused on the beast, and they seemed to be standing on piles of gold, treasure, and embroidered weaponry.
Soos' eyes widened, much as Dipper's had. "Whoa," Soos said in a slow release of breath, "Where was this, dude?"
The girls asked, "What is it?"
Soos and Dipper responded as if their question was a heretical statement punishable by death: both spluttered and re-phrased their question. "What is it?" "What is it?"
Wendy rolled her eyes. "Yes, boys, any day now an answer would be preferred."
Dipper had never been so eager to explain anything to Wendy Corduroy in his life. "It's the single greatest game to ever be made," Dipper rushed out of his mouth, "it's revered as one of the most complex and life-changing games that basement dwellers can enjoy!"
"Basement dwellers?" Mabel repeated.
Soos took a crack at explaining the game. "To play the game is to live another life, to experience things you could never in your own, to be great and ignore the pathetic, sad, soulless existence you currently have," Soos told them with excitement.
"Sad, soulless existence?" Wendy also repeated, sounding a little hurt at the comment.
Mabel might have been the hyperactive one, but Dipper was really gunning for the position of energetic teenager as he squealed, "We need to play!" Dipper removed the cover and began to remove pieces and papers and all manners of tools.
Wendy chortled, and eyed Dipper's manic movements. "Whoa, whoa, I never played games like, uh, whatever that is," Wendy pointed to a series of small figurines on flat circle stands, "Okay, but that dude with the axes looks awesome," she said as she pointed to some Viking like warrior.
Mabel came over and kneeled next to her brother as a patient parent would to a troubled child. "Dipper, you can't get girls to do nerdy stuff like this," Mabel told his brother as a statement of life that everyone already knew, "C'mon bro. This sort of thing is better for your school friends."
Dipper smirked at her, ready for such criticisms. "I got into this in freshmen year," Dipper started, "And there were girls playing!"
"I bet nerd-girls," Mabel snickered.
"Like you care," Dipper pointed out.
"Not one bit," Mabel defended her honor as an unbiased lover of all walks of life.
"Prove it then," Dipper told her, sliding over a robed woman with a staff over to her, "Join the game."
Mabel eyed the small object, lifting it up to her eyes, and then eyed Dipper. "Only if Wendy joins," Mabel pointed out, "I need another woman to agree with me if stupid boys only stuff happens."
"What does that even – okay," Dipper turned to the red head, who was puzzling and looking at the figure of the axe-warrior, "What do you say Wendy?" he asked her. She looked to him, tossing the figurine in the air playfully. Though nervous she might break the figurine, a chance to play with her meant she could eat it for all he cared. "You want to give it a shot?" he asked, trying to remain calm as he prayed for her to answer to be yes.
She put down the figurine, and eyed it. Something about the dude with axes spoke to her. Finally, she smirked and shrugged. "Well, how do you play?" Wendy eyed the multitude of pages and papers that lay by Dipper's knees. She nervously eyed it all and added, "It kind of looks like there are a lot of rules."
"There are – but," Dipper cut Wendy and Mabel short of their expected sighs, "You won't have to worry about that. I'll be the Stronghold lord, which is sort of like the referee. I help dictate the game and tell the story, and I'll let you know when you can't do something. All you need to really do is roll the dice I tell you to roll when you want to do anything."
Mabel blinked, clearly having misheard. "Anything?" she asked her brother.
He smirked, "Anything."
"Anything-anything?" Mabel repeated, squinting at her bro.
"Yes, you can literally do anything with the right circumstances!" Dipper laughed. "If I think it's something your character has a chance of doing, you can roll a dice. If you roll high enough, it happens," and he leaned towards his sister, an insidious trap prepared as he then explained to her, "Want to bake the best cake in the world? Sure. Want to flirt shamelessly with every cutie you come across, without consequence? Definitely can do. Want to befriend all the animals you come across? Absolutely."
With each answer to his own question, Mabel's eyes had grown wider. His sister clearly had a change of heart. She looked to the little figure below her, and a new world of wonder approached her. She turned to Wendy, and clapped her hands together. "Wendy," she begged, "My battle-princess from another planet, please, join me, Mabel, in this stupidly nerdy thing."
"Uh... okay?" Wendy smiled and shrugged, "Sure. I'm in."
"Yes!" Dipper cheered loudly. He felt his heart race, reminding him of his need for secrecy. He rested himself down again, and cleared his throat. "Ah, okay. So, here are character sheets," Dipper folded through the papers and handed out three pages, "Follow the instructions and use a dice... here," he handed a pair of twenty-sided dice to each of them, "You roll to create your stat choices."
"What?" Mabel whined, holding the dice in her palm like they might have been diseased and toxic looking spiders, "What does any of that mean? What about the cute animals?"
Dipper sighed, pushing away the graph paper from her view. "Just… look, and follow my lead."
The process of explaining to Mabel and Wendy was a slow start. As each numeric value to their characters was decided by a roll of a pair of dice, there was a lot of complaining and whining for low scores. But as soon as Dipper introduced the concept of perks – abilities characters could choose based on status advantage or disadvantage, they were more interested.
As the four sat around, comparing notes and ideas, Dipper wrote a story, and drew some quick maps. It would be a repeat from the one he had in school, a story of a tri-fold of kingdoms about to collapse into war. The heroes would be walking through the most trying time of the kingdoms before all out bloodshed came to pass. It would be up to the heroes to decide who would come to stand triumphant and lead the new kingdom; the Human kingdom, the Orc Kingdom, or the rebel's society. Dipper would be easy on them, and allow their first time to go unmarred by his cruel machinations. Unless they really tested his patience without cause, he would make sure they enjoyed their time.
About half an hour later, Dipper asked, "Okay, so, are we ready to begin?" He had set up his little crude world maps, back stories, and several battle maps for the actual fight encounters he planned on sending them to. The three nodded and his body pulsed with excitement. He took a nice long breath. This was already exhilarating. "So, since I am Stronghold Lord, I can't play. But I will be telling you guys what's happening. You guys read the rules, right?"
"Yeah dawg."
"Sure did, dude."
"Not one bit, Dippingsauce."
Dipper shrugged. "Two out of three isn't bad," he said, perfectly content with his sister blowing over the rules, like usual. "So, let's begin."
Dipper cleared his throat, and adopted a mysterious appearance, eyes half way to menacing as he stared upon his unsuspecting players.
"It is the fourth Era of Nudolin, land of the far north. Summer is upon the Kingdom of Nith, the great human lands that dominate the northern continent. However, rumor spreads that the Orc king Geklar is preparing for war, for the forces of the Nith have tormented and abused the once great kinship of the Orcs to the point of greater conflict. The King of Nith, known as Herlis, is a cruel man."
Soos was positively entranced. Wendy seemed amused, but wasn't entirely convinced yet that this was some silly game. Mabel was busy dancing her pawn around the floor, and nodded to Dipper when he paused to stare at her. Regardless of Mabel's mental attendance, he continued.
"Three adventurers from distant lands approach one another on an empty road, uncertain of their futures or their goals, but ready to explore and discover the future for their wealth, their spirit, or their honor. Great adventurers," Dipper held a hand to the three, "Please introduce yourselves on the road," and he nodded to Soos, "It would be rude to walk along the road at the same time without knowing one another."
Soos chuckled. "Oh, me, huh? Oh wow, this is just like FCLORP," Soos excitedly said as he lifted his character sheet, double checking things. He then waved to Wendy and Mabel, "Well, yo! I'm Soos, of Mission Soos."
Dipper stared at him. "You named your character Soos?" Dipper inquired.
"Yeah dude. I mean, I didn't know what else to name him, so I just went with that," Soos told Dipper. "I didn't mess anything up, did I?" he asked, a little more uncertain now.
"No, it's okay," Dipper assured him with a pat on the shoulder, "Anyway, keep introducing yourself."
"Oh. I'm a, uh, Paladin, with a focus on repairing mechanical stuff. I wear a lot of heavy armor and stuff. Pretty awesome."
Dipper studied Soos's character sheet over the man's shoulder. "He also has a tower shield and a 'spear that's sharp end looks like a wrench'," Dipper told the others when Soos failed to mention his war tools, "Huh. Okay. Who next?"
Wendy shrugged. "I'll go, sure. So," she said, not bothering to eye her own sheet, "I'm the mysterious and wanted Red Phantom, a ranger with some awesome red leather jackets and stuff with a bandana over my mouth. I'm half-elf so I can do awesome jumping and climbing stuff, and I got a bow and arrow, along with these awesome axes I can mess fools up with."
Dipper stared at her as she spoke in her first attempt in character. It was almost enough to drool over; his crush going into the mind of the game and not hating it was a fantasy all on its own. He sighed as Wendy saluted to Soos and Mabel, and then continued to speak in character.
"Well met, Soos," Wendy nodded, and looked to Mabel, "And you? Who might you be, man?"
"Oh! My turn?" Mabel snickered, and looked to her sheet. Dipper knew something ridiculous was about to come, but was entirely unprepared for her. "Greetings! I am Magnanimously Magnificent Masterfully Malleably Mendable Mabel the fourth, esquire: Druid and cute animal lover extraordinary!"
The three stared at Mabel, their mouths open as shock flowed through them. That was one heck of a name.
Soos greeted Mabel proudly. "Greetings Magnum Magistrate Master Mustard Manor Magnifying Mabel," Soos stated, "I am Soos!"
"Hi Soos!" Mabel chuckled, "you can just call me Mabel!"
Dipper gave his sister a very tired stare. "You two know the point of this game is to live a life that you don't have, right? So, using your name is kind of-"
"I am Magnanimously Magnificent Masterfully Malleably Mendable Mabel the fourth, esquire!" Mabel demanded at the top of her lungs, a proud and dangerous foe to be crossed.
Dipper sighed and nodded. "Okay, fine M.M.M.M.M.M.," Dipper abbreviated her title.
"Fourth, esquire, if you please," Mabel added at the end of the introduction.
"Okay!" Dipper cried to the air in exasperation, "Okay. So, you three are walking down the road. This is the one of few highways that leads all the way from the central continent to the northlands of Nudolin."
Dipper couldn't get very far into his painting of the scene. Mabel jumped in quickly and said, "I would like to tell Wendy – err, the Red Phantom," Mabel turned to Wendy," that her hair and outfit goes great together. Really stylish."
Despite being cut out from his worldbuilding, Dipper was rather pleased with Mabel's continued positive demeanor. He turned to Wendy, and asked her, "Phantom?"
"Oh, thanks!" Wendy smiled and laughed.
Dipper could not help but grin as well. It seemed that everyone was really getting into this! It wasn't going as badly as he thought it might. Dipper announced, "Because of Mabel's pleasant words of encouragement, the party is slightly more spirited and happier to be around one another. You all receive a plus one bonus towards your spirit rank!"
"Whoa!" Soos gasped and scribbled down a small plus one on his character sheet. "Sweet dude!"
Mabel declared, "I'm going to be nice all the time!" as she and Wendy also added points to their character sheets.
Dipper took to leading the scene again. "As the three of you chat animatedly to one another, sharing some of your immediate past to further introduce yourselves," Dipper informs them as he reaches down and lifts a pair of three colored twenty-sided dice, and begins to shake them in his palm, "You see a village in the distance. Okay guys, time to find out how this story really begins."
Dipper turned his palm over, and he watched the three dice spin and roll against the ground. One quickly landed on one. That wasn't very good. The lower the score, the harder the start will be. Then the second landed on one as well. Yikes. The village wouldn't be kind to his friends. Even if the party tried being nice, their interactions would, unless they scored a very well on social checks, be mostly hostile to them. Then the third one landed. Also a one.
"Ohhhh dang," Dipper put a hand to his eyes, "Sorry guys."
"Huh?" Mabel asked, "Did you fart?"
"What!? No!" Dipper spluttered, "I rolled a really, really bad start for the story."
"Awww, really man?" Wendy asked, sighing, "So it's going to be a crash course in this game?"
Dipper argued with himself in his mind. Ultimately, he wanted a fun, memorable experience, not a forged by flames kind of game. He told them easily, "Well, no. I can just re-roll. It is just a game, after all," he laughed and reached to grab the dice.
They slid away from his hand.
No one breathed for a moment. Had what they just saw happened? Dipper reached forward again, and the three dice slid away further, clustering together.
Rolling three ones was the worst possible outcome for a story. The lowest of all possible starts.
The dice began to rattle and shake, possessed with some unseen power. They began to tremble. Then a blue glow surrounded them, and the four gasped and cried out as the three dice floated into the air. The began to spin: slowly at first, but rotated faster and faster. They spun so fast that they were a blur of blue and a black. As the three spin, no matter from which angle the four saw them, the number read back as a one.
"What the flying f-" Dipper began, but a new sound interrupted him.
The whirring of the spinning dice grew louder. They were practically rubbing against one another, a collected vibration of unknown energy. Then they began to drift apart; the top dice moving directly upwards and the other two at angles down and away. Yet as they separated, the dark line that they formed stretched and elongated between them, creating three equal length lines forming a shape.
As the dice spread apart, they could more closely hear the noise. Laughter. Mad, insane, excited laughter filled the air as the three dice formed into a two-dimensional shape. A yellow triangle.
Mabel gasped. "Oh no."
"Ohhhhh yeeaaah!" The laughing voice answered as an eye slowly opened in the center of the yellow triangle. The whirring stopped. The shape fully formed, a bow-tie appeared just under the eye. A top-hat materialized above the top point. Two arms black arms and two black legs appeared, and a cane came into being within reach of one of the arms hands. With all the eagerness that insanity hybridized with pure mania could manage, the entity cried out "Bill is back baby!"
"Cipher!" Dipper shouted. All four stood up quickly, backing away. Dipper then noticed that the state of the world they were in had changed. No longer did the colors of the universe hit him, but the shapes and forms of the room around them were now grey-scale. They were in a pocket universe – one of Bill Cipher's little tricks.
"Well, well, well," Cipher floated around, getting a view of each of the four, "Biggy, Shooting Star, Red, and Pine Tree," Bill Cipher lingered on his identification of Dipper, "Wow, it's been a while since we've seen each other, hasn't it? Must have been, I don't know, seventeen millennia? Too long; not enough psychological trauma!"
"Three years, stupid," Mabel told the triangle, "But I think we wish it was seventeen millennia."
Bill pondered her answer. "Oh well, I guess that's the difference of passing time from the universe you two banished me to from this one," Cipher turned to Mabel, his eyes glowering at her. "At least here I can sense the inevitable atrophy of all things! Not like that timeless void you sent me to!"
Wendy scowled and asked angrily, "What do you want?" She was the one with the least amount of involvement with this creature.
Bill rounded on her next, but paused and stared. "Hm. You seem different from the last time I saw you. What did you do? Sell your soul to a local anti-god? Change your hairstyle? Drink the blood of the innocent and naive?" Bill examined the redhead, who tried swatting the creature away, and he floated backwards. "Maybe a question after our little business," he dwelled aloud.
"What business?" Dipper demanded, "We didn't ask anything from you! And how are you even here? According to Ford," Dipper reminded him, "You're gone, and gone for ever."
Bill roared with laughter. "Ford! Now there's a chap that's fun to spend both an eternity and no time what-so-ever with! No, you see Pine Tree, this is what you get when you play with a cursed game," Bill mentioned, pointing to the collection of pieces and dice below him.
Dipper groaned and slapped his head. Of course there would be a cursed game like this just lying around in the Mystery Manor. There was always something so innocent and mundane that turned into something dangerous and life threatening.
Bill eagerly explained further. "The thing decided to bust me out of my cell and bring me here. Classic cursed objects. A riot! Am I right?"
"Well dude, maybe if you were a bit cooler with yourself," Soos pointed out, "you'd get invited to these kinds of games instead of being thrown into portals."
"Games?! Ha! A quattro of nerds rolling dices on the floor to something that doesn't exist?! Actually, sounds like fun," Bill Cipher switched tracks immediately, but laughed, "But why pretend? We can impale naked people on spikes anytime we want to when I'm around! So, let's get the fun started."
Dipper stared at Bill, an old fear crawling up his back. Bill was happy to be here. That meant, as far as Dipper's experience taught him, that he was planning something awful. "What fun? What do you mean?" Dipper demanded.
"You see Pine Tree," Cipher squinted at Dipper, "I can see into that monkey head of yours, and I see those questions burning away at your seconds. What are they?" Bill Cipher conjured an image of the cylinders by the desk, frozen in time. "And I can point you in the right step."
"Why would you want to do that?" Dipper argued as the images before them evaporated.
"Yeah! You tried ruining our lives, and killing us, last time we met!" Mabel reminded him.
"It's just business," Cipher shrugged with his thin black arms, "Part of my deal. But down to the fun part; here, how about a trip down memory lane?" Bill pointed a finger at Dipper, and a bolt of white lightning blasted forth and struck Dipper. The teenager gasped as he felt it illuminate his entire body. After he blinked, he realized he was shorter, and felt like half of his body hair had abandoned him.
"Dipper!" Wendy gasped as Mabel giggled.
"Aww, he's all twelve again!" Mabel pointed.
Indeed, Dipper looked exactly like he had three years ago, shorter with rounder cheeks and his blue cap restored to his head. Dipper growled at Bill. Still, he knew this trick, and Dipper calmed. He allowed his mind to re-shape the reality around him. He thought of who he was, as he last remembered, and he returned to his normal age's appearance.
"Aw, not one for nostalgia?" Cipher asked.
Dipper scoffed. "Not involving you. Now, tell us what you want, or we can play a game of Mind-war," Dipper threatened the triangle.
"Fine, fine, fine. So, your neat little rod back there?" Bill pointed his cane at the cylinder, "Your cursed game decided I would be your best threat. So, we play this game together. If you beat me, I help you with the secret and let you go. Boring, safe, predictable. Ugh. Makes me want to puke one-dimensionally."
"Okay, and if we lose?" Dipper asked, worried to be revealed this answer.
"Then... hm. How about 'you all die and I get to walk away with one of your bodies and can come back to the world of the material'. Sound good?" Bill asked, nodding with a bend of his top point.
"No!" The twins instantly replied.
"Too bad! You rolled the dice! So, either we sit here, getting angry at one another forever, which sounds a lot of fun, guys," Bill Cipher reminded them, "Or we can get this show rolling. All I need is," he turned to Dipper and extended his hand, which burst into blue fire, "A handshake."
"You can go suck a knob," Dipper told him.
Bill roared with laughter. Then he suddenly grew huge, red, and his eyes went bloodshot. "I eat knobs like you for breakfast, kid," Bill roared, his voice magnified and horribly deep. Then he returned to his normal size, his hand still outstretched, "So, what do you say? You're not afraid to lose to an isosceles, are you?"
The four looked to one another. Just like them to find some way of turning a fun game into a possible fight for survival. Then again, they had bested Cipher before, several times. Three times had the twins met against this demon, and three times they had come out victorious- although the last encounter had been pyrrhic at best. From their last victory, they had lost their Grunkle Ford. He would, as far as they knew, never return.
The odds seemed in their favor this time. The twins had grown up, and so had Soos and Wendy. They were older, wiser, smarter, and stronger than their last encounter. If last time they had beaten him, right now Bill Cipher didn't have a chance. The four nodded to one another, and Dipper extended his arm.
"Deal," Dipper said as he shook the Demon of Dreams hand.
Bill wiggled his legs with excitement. "Well, let's not keep the folk in Dilhedreek village waiting! Oh, and Pine Tree," Cipher grasped onto Dipper's arm, clutching tightly, "You're coming with me. You better grab one of those character sheet thingies! You're in for a bumpy ride!"
"What?!" Dipper shouted.
"Can't have them with a helper! You're in on this too, kid!" Bill Cipher began to fly upwards. The ceiling above them, the walls itself, everything that was the attic room the twins lived in, fell away and crumbled into shreds of paper, dissolving and crumbling into fabric of existence. As Bill ascended, Dipper was dragged along with him.
"Dipper!" Mabel and Wendy shouted.
"Hey! Bring back our Stronghold Lord!" Soos shouted as Cipher and Dipper burst into extremely fast flight. The two soared away with a blast of light that expanded and eventually grew so bright the three remaining behind had to cover their eyes.
When the light faded and they opened their eyes again, they were no longer in Oregon.
They were no longer on Earth.
It was no longer summer.
They were no longer themselves.
Snow fell around them. The air was drier, windier, and had trees growing by the side of the road so tall it made redwood trees look like babies in comparison.
The three looked to themselves first, examining their new properties. Soos certainly was still tall, but now was towering over the other two. His shoulders were wider, more muscular, and toned out. A massive shield, christened on the front with a red wrench, a golden screw driver, and a fist with a 'thumbs up' shone in silver on the front. Not only that, his large, shining armor was angled and box-like, and behind his tower shield was a spear-like weapon, with a sharpened wrench-head for a point.
Mabel was looking at her robes. A large piece of patchwork and stitches, she seemed to be covered in stickers and miss-matched logos from various unknown places and organizations of fantasy look. She still had her basic look. Mabel then gasped, and opened her mouth, checking her teeth with her tongue.
"Oh, phew!" She cheered, rubbing her teeth happily, "No braces in Renaissance fair land!" she happily declared. Mabel gave her staff a spin for amusement. It was made of wood that had grown, not carved, into a staff. At the end of her walking staff rested a pigs face on a stone that the living limbs of the staff had carefully rapped around.
"Okay, this is kind of cool, actually," Wendy's voice added to this. Soos and Mabel turned and they gasped.
Wendy had never needed to look any better than she already did. Genetics had made her a tad skinny, but she was an outdoorsman, and her activity helped her keep lean and strong. She certainly wasn't hurting in the 'good looks' department.
Now she was taller, her red hair shined in the light like it were a rare jewel, just like her eyes, and she had two pointed ears jutting out of the sides. Her pale skin was mostly covered in leather armor, tailored to her and only her. A pair of coat-tails fell past her back. Even her pants, a fabric and animal pelt construction, seemed tailored to her. Resting on her mouth, as she had planned, was black bandanna, which she pulled to her neck to speak.
"I feel like I'm Robin Hood, dudes," Wendy admitted, checking herself out.
Mabel and Soos approached Wendy as they all inspected one another. Mabel finally spoke between them. "So, aside from the fact that we're going to be fighting for our lives," Mabel told the other two, grabbing them by the shoulders and pulling them close, "This could have been a lot worse! Poing!" Mabel flicked Wendy's tall ear.
"Oh, dude, don't do that. It feels way weird," Wendy admitted with a shudder.
Soos asked, still in Mabel's hug, "So... we should be going, right?"
Before the two ladies could answer, there was a loud whinny of a horse. A split second later, a line of horses, armored and ridden by soldiers of thick armor, raced past the three, nearly knocking them off their feet and onto the road.
"Hey!" Mabel cried as they filed past, "Watch it! There's protagonists' using the road!"
The soldiers ignored them. As the procession of soldiers on horseback trotted past, the three adventurers watched their destination; a medieval styled village maybe a quarter of a mile down the road. A small sign on the side of the road labeled the village they were walking towards. Just past the village was a grim looking castle, towering over the trees.
"Castle Dilhedreek," Wendy said aloud as she read the sign from a distance. "Isn't that where Dipper was going to have us go?"
Soos nodded. "I guess we should try to follow the story," Soos suggested, "So, to the village?"
"To the village!" Mabel pointed forward with her staff. On her first step she quickly tripped over her robes. After slamming her face into the dirt, she rose up, cradling her nose. "Ow. Healing spell would be nice," she told them as she waved her staff in front of her face. A faint light shone on her face, warm to the touch. Her minor wounds faded away into a cluster of flowers. "Daww," Mabel cooed, and as the flowers fell from her face, she was left unharmed, "Much better."
Soos and Wendy stared at Mabel. "Dawg, how did you..." Soos started.
Mabel suggested, "Just try it yourself. I don't know, create light or something, mister holy warrior."
The tall man nervously looked at his hands, and at the will of his mind, light indeed shot out towards the ground, searing a bit of earth. "Wow! Cool!" Soos nodded, accepting his gift, "I'm my own welder!"
Mabel, now standing again, asked the other two, "Shall we?"
"Let's go," Wendy told them, patting their arms as she slid between the two of them, leading the march.
Walking down the road after the horsemen was a rather loud endeavor. Wendy's two axes clattered against the belt buckles they were tied to around her hip. While Mabel was quiet, Soos made a racket with his armor, clanging and clattering away with the spear and shield. His echoing clamor shook the air as they reached the town edge, where farmers, tradesmen, and all manners of people walked around them.
They all seemed dirty and dressed better for the weather than the three newcomers, even though Mabel, Soos, and Wendy didn't feel any of the cold. The buildings were crude-looking European based constructs; two stories tall and tightly locked together. Mabel wondered if cursed wax-figure Shakespeare would walk out of one of the many alleyways that surrounded them.
As they approached the populace, Wendy spotted someone who would be in their path. Wendy took the initiative. "Hey, dudes," Wendy asked a passing by well-dressed couple, "We're looking for a-"
"Leave me be!" the woman shouted, swatting Wendy's outstretched hand.
"Hey!" Wendy yelled.
"We have no business with the likes of you, half-blood!" the woman told her, sticking her nose into the air as she passed, the man leering at Wendy as he strutted away.
Wendy couldn't believe what she had just experienced. "Wow. Discrimination is strong here," Wendy huffed, pulling her bandana up to her mouth, "Maybe an arrow in her leg would... ugh. You guys take lead on this one," she said, clearly spent on her attempts of social engagement.
"I think Soos should," Mabel suggested, "he's a paladin, which mean people know he's a good guy, and Soos is nice anyway!"
Soos smiled. "Ah, thanks Hambone." He took to the front, and headed towards a market stall, where a poacher was selling his meats and pelts. "Sup dude," Soos waved his hand, "I'm Soos, of Mission Soos. I was hoping you could help us out with a pointer or something."
The man, a gruff looking outdoorsman with stained merchants garb and mutton chops eyed Soos. "Hm... 'A pointer or something', Soos of Soos," the man behind the table repeated, "Perhaps. What brings you to this town?"
Soos looked back to the ladies. They urged him to continue. "Uh," he spoke back to the poacher, "Good tidings and food, dude?" Soos tried.
The man gave a bellow of a laugh, but nodded. "Ah. Ask away my friend. We welcome those with good intent here; for we must import what kindness we can. Mirth and merriment have long departed from this land," the poacher told them darkly.
Mabel leapt into the conversation. "What gives? Someone being a stinker around here?" Mabel asked, stepping next to Soos. Behind them, leaned her back against a stall post. Idly, she removed her hand-axes, and began to twirl them like batons.
The poacher shook his head at Mabel's question. "Our king is... well, repeat not what you have heard," the man demanded of Mabel and Soos, "But with the death of our late King, the spoiled prince Herlis has decided that it is not only popular to abuse and criticize non-humans, but made it law. We have lost many friends and families because of his damned orc-hatred."
Wendy snorted as she tightly clutched one of her axes. "So, he's a racist," Wendy summarized behind them, putting away her axes and deciding to test out her longbow. "Explains the popularity," she added, spying the couple who spoke rudely to her across the street.
Mabel asked the poacher, "Why hasn't anyone stopped him?"
"He uses a group of enchanters, lead by one 'Dipperthur the Wise', whom he forced into service with his men," the poacher explained. The three exchanged a look with the title, but the poacher man had more to say with, "To enchant his best men with magical weaponry."
Soos was crestfallen. "So, no one can fight back, huh? Sounds rough, dawg."
The poacher solemnly nodded, "Indeed, it is, dawg."
A commotion was building behind them. A cluster of peasants ran into Wendy, who expertly stayed on her feet, but growled at them as they moved on, not a word to her.
"People these days," Wendy snarled.
The poacher walked around his stall and approached passing folk. "What is going on, friend Alastor?" the poacher called past the group. An older man, of greying hair and strong scarring on his face paused, turning to the seller.
"The great enchanter now refuses to cast spells for the kings men! He is to be executed immediately!" the man told him and turned. The poacher gasped, and abandoned his post, quickly running with the gathering crowd towards the castle.
"Dipperthur? The Wise?" Mabel gulped as she realized that they weren't just going to kill any old fart of a wizard. Her brother was on death row. "Let's go!" she cried out.
The thee took to running. They pushed past people to get a better view of the executioners block. Nearby the walls to the castle was a small hill made of stone and brick. Atop it was a basket and thick, bloody wooden block. Soldiers stood guard around the base of the hill and atop it, armed and sinister looking. As the three pushed their way towards the front of the crowd, they spotted a trio of men walking forward.
A tall soldier in armor of the same design as the men guarding the hill was pushing a purple clad young man. He had brown eyes and a constellation imprinted into his forehead. He seemed nervous and confused as he scanned the crowd for something. Ironic, considering he was supposed to be the Stronghold Lord.
"Dipper!" Mabel shouted, barely louder than the surrounding crowd. To his credit, Dipper instantly detected her. He whipped his head to see her, slightly to the right of his destination. Behind the two men was a larger, taller man all in black. His face was concealed and was holding a massive crude axe: an executioner.
"Mabel!" he called back.
"Quiet, traitor," the guard next to Dipper snarled, and the teen was shoved. Dipper winced and stumbled to a knee.
Heat flushed into Mabels face as the crowd around her laughed at Dipper's bumbling. "That's not funny!" Mabel shouted to the crowd. She was one in hundreds; they did not hear her, nor care to hear her. This was a show to them. Mabel turned back to face Soos and Wendy. "We need to get him out of there!"
"Yeah, we do!" Soos nodded feverishly, "If we rush in, do you think we could... Wendy?" Soos looked around.
Mabel spun about, and realized too: she was gone.
"Well, her name is 'Red Phantom'," Mabel shrugged. She then asked Soos as they turned back to Dipper, "You don't think she's going to get into trouble, do you?"
Such dramatic an answer had never come to Mabel before.
As Dipper was pushed to stand before the butcher block, an arrow struck the executioners chest. The crowd gasped and someone screamed as the man in black collapsed. Before the head guardsmen could draw his sword, another arrow whipped past Dipper's head and struck the guardsman in the neck. Dipper was alone, and guards were rushing to get him.
Soos pointed Mabel's focus behind them, to the buildings nearby. "Look!" Soos shouted.
Wendy had just leapt from a rooftop. Soaring through the air, her red billowing hair cut through the cloudy sky like a bloody blade would through flesh. She landed atop one soldier, slamming him into the ground with all the weight she could manage. As the first man crumbled, two nearby soldiers turned and charged her. It was their last mistake, as she easily weaved and dodged each of their swings, and after letting them get away with three attacks each, she removed her axes.
Strike after strike with her hatchets met against their skin, bone, armor. They were torn apart in three strikes each.
Dipper's face flushed as he watched the Red Phantom step her deadly dance. "Dang," Dipper's muttered.
Though impressive as she was, Wendy made to approach Dipper and found she had been surrounded by at least six more guards. They drew swords and lowered spears. She eyed them all, and prepared to engage again.
"For mission SOOS!" Soos cried, raised his shield, and charged forth from the crowd. A great bright light was cast around him, and he slammed into the first soldier he could, the light zapping him like an electrical current. The handyman turned holy warrior was now also in the fray, swinging around his spear with one hand while Wendy juggled her attention between several fighters as well.
Mabel watched the brawl unfold. Not wanting to be left out, she mused to herself as the onlookers nearby screamed and fled for their lives. "I think this scene needs... birds," Mabel nodded, and lifter her hands to the sky with her staff. Crows, ravens, and several doves began to circle the battle in front of her. With a swipe of her arms, she lowered her hands and directed the airborne animal allies towards the enemy. Proudly, she said, "Get 'em! Get 'em!"
The summoned flock did it's bidding. They dived down upon the few untouched guards, and started their beaked and taloned harassment. "Ah! This is our penance for the turkey legs!" one guardsman screamed as he was mercilessly picked upon by several doves. He screamed to his fellows, "Flee! Flee now!" and the guards ran for their lives, but mostly to avoid the annoyance that was small birds pecking them.
Now left to their own wills, Soos and Wendy marched up the executions mound and grabbed Dipper. As he was lifted, Dipper told them, "Guys! That was amazing!" and they started running away from the commotion.
Mabel quickly rushed over and hugged him. "Thanks!" she said as she joined in their dash. "Where's Cipher?" Mabel asked as they rounded a corner. Above their heads the sounds of trumpets blasted high into the cold sky.
Dipper scowled. "He's gone! He headed off as soon as he established where I was," Dipper angrily shouted, "But I bet you he'll be around!"
Wendy, the most agile of the four, darted ahead and looked around. "So, not to distract us from the problem of getting home, but I think we should be leaving town guys," Wendy added. She rushed to a locked stable. "Can anyone lockpick?" she asked of the others.
"I got this," Dipper told them, and stepped past them hurriedly. The sounds of more approaching guards grew louder. With a wave of his hand by the lock, the door slid open. "Ladies first," he bowed to Wendy, who grinned and ruffled his hair as she passed. She must have had magic cast on her, because a jolt of energy shot through his back and trembled with joy.
As Dipper grinned stupidly, Mabel eyed him. "Bro, you okay?" she asked suspiciously.
On cloud nine, Dipper nodded. "Yeah," he told Mabel with a nudge on her shoulder as he beamed, "I never thought I'd get a chance to play this for real, you know?"
She stared at him. "You almost had your head chopped off."
"All part of the game," Dipper excused happily as he found a horse to his liking. He truthfully had no idea how to ride it. Just like he had clue how he had cast spells, it came to him as muscle memory. With a saddle now placed, Dipper pulled himself up. "Now, let's get out of here!" he told the others.
The four burst from the stables, nearly trampling a few guards that had spotted them going inside. With another spell, Dipper blasted the ground behind them with ice, leaving a shimmering trail of frozen, unwalkable earth. Guards slipped and fell, sliding all over the place. Dipper roared with laughter. He told the three, "Once you gey over the premise of death, this is all really cool!"
Wendy craned her head to eye him, "So, Dipper," Wendy called over the beating hoofs of the horses, "How do we win the game?"
Dipper looked back to her, and then glanced to Soos and Mabel. "Well, in the story, or the campaign," Dipper elaborated, "you have to complete an objective. The objective of this story was to establish peace however you can to the land."
"Do we have a plan?" Wendy asked him as his horse caught up with hers.
"Yeah, we do. Dipperthur the Wise totally has a plan," Dipper smirked at her. "You see, just to the south, down this road, should be a huge camp for an Orc army. They want to take these guys out, and if we help them, it should be a quick victory for us!" Dipper explained to the others.
The travel by horse was getting them quickly from the village. Soos seemed to calm at Dipper's assurances. "Great. And they'll be okay with us?" Soos asked, "Because I don't know if Orcs are chill or not."
"They are," Dipper told him, "As long as you let them know you're friendly before they go running at the enemy in their bloodlust," Dipper told them, "They'll give anyone a listen. Otherwise, they'll just try to kill you."
"Oh, phew, well that's good," Soos nodded in confidence, "Then we just need to meet them before they storm the castle."
"Hey, do you guys hear something?" Mabel asked, peering far ahead.
The four horses came to a stop. Far ahead, just at the edge of vision of the long, winding road, was a dust cloud that rose into the sky. Birds flew away from it, now soaring over the four's heads. It was some, massive, mobile cluster. Something bounding and running, snarling and roaring, biting and gnashing.
Many had green skin. Many wore thick armor and wielded massive weapons and siege tools. All manners of brutish made things were rushing down the road, bellowing a war cry unlike the four adventurers had yet to hear in their life. It was a rampaging hoard making a bee-line for them.
Mabel gulped. "So, I'm going to say that sounds like a bloodlust-y kind of cry," Mabel nodded worriedly as the other three stared in terror, "Right? That sounds bloodlust-y?" Dipper nodded slowly to his sister. Mabel groaned, and quietly added, "So much for making friends."
The Orc army had come.
I say 'JUMAN', you say 'JI'! Ready?
JUMAN-
JUMAN-
JUMAN-
... what? Nineties kids will get it. XD
I bet some of you guys got worried, like I was going write an entire story about how the gang actually sit down and enjoy a standard game of Dungeons and Dragons. Not saying I could do it perfectly, but this ain't that kinda story suckas. Next time, we see how four adventurers can cope with a huge battle outside a castle.
Remember to review! I'll spoil something if you ask nicely! ;) (A huge angry orc burst down EZB's door, a large metal mace in his hand and a spray can of mace in the other) Oh no! It's the spoiler police!
Orc Spoiler Cop: STOP RIGHT THERE CRIMINAL SCUM! (Beats EZB and sprays his face with Mace)