"Welcome to the Grand Opening of the Gravity Falls Mystery Manor!"
The proud, echoing voice of Stan Pines called about. He stood atop a small pedestal before his wooden shack located in the woods of Gravity Falls Oregon. The old man, easily in his later sixties with thick grey hair and a constant five o-clock shadow, was beaming his best smile to a crowd of approximately ten people. Of them, five were his workers or family. The other five were a lost family if tourists intended on traveling to California.
That had been it, for Grunkle Stan. He had waited until someone, anyone, came around to the Mystery Manor for his explosive ceremony. Mabel was kind enough to support his powerful greeting by tossing confetti into the air around him, and then join back into the crowd. The parent tourists were entirely entranced by the happenings of this location. The kids, two younger boys and a girl, crossed their arms and glared at Stanley Pines. They had a trip to Disney Land being delayed for this.
"Now," Stan adjusted his tie, "I know exactly what it is you're wondering-" Stan stepped down from the pedestal and approached the family, "Ah! Mister Mystery! This grand exhibit of the strange and unusual clearly could be a fortune to take a tour on! How could we hope to get a pass for such an amazing location?"
One of the employees in the crowd, a redheaded girl of young adult or teenage years, mumbled to one of the others. "Told you he was good at this," Wendy nudged Uki-Dohth. The nervous looking person was clinging to a hat that Dipper and Mabel had given him, in attempts to hide his leaf-like sproutings on his head. He nodded wearily and continued to watch Grunkle Stan.
Stan wore a trademarked grin as he then told them all, "Well, have no fear! This is the grand opening of the Mystery Manor! The tour is entirely free!"
"What!?" Dipper, Mabel, and Wendy all gasped from the other side of the crowd.
"What a steal!" Soos applauded with vigor.
"Oh, and I'm not done!" Grunkle Stan adjusted his tie and Fez, "If you decide to stay the night in one of our cozy rooms, you'll have access to FREE WATER! AMAZING!" Grunkle Stan declared.
"Wow! Honey!" the husband of the family shook his spouse's shoulder gently, "Free water!"
"So, how about it, folks?" Stan approached the family, "Take a tour with Mister Mystery and enter his world-famous Mystery Manor?" Grunkle Stan asked them, wiggling his eyebrows. The parents nodded enthusiastically, and the kids groaned and dropped their shoulders. "Wonderful! Please follow my two employees," Stan walked over and pushed Wendy and Soos, "Into the gift shop while I prepare the tour! Gotta shake of the rust, after all, ha-ha!"
As the employees and tourist family trudged inside, Dipper turned to his grand-uncle. "Grunkle Stan, are you feeling sick?" Dipper demanded. "Free passes? You never give anything for free!"
"And free water too!" Mabel agreed, spying on Stan, "Did you contract the generous bug or something?"
"Nah," he assured them, "It's a tactic I learned while reading 'Snubbing Scrubs Monthly'. You open something big, announce a bunch of discounts, and then you make up for it when they're so enticed at the end and bump up the prices for junk. Besides, I couldn't figure out how to charge water by the ounce without the feds coming after me. So that one I'll just sort of have to let go. For now," he added, scratching his chin.
"Oh, figures," Dipper rolled his eyes, "Give them the 'ol forty dollar T-shirt, huh?"
"The clothing selections must be high in quality," Uki-Dohth strode past the three, nodding to himself, "I recall forty dollars being substantial for clothing for such simple design."
Stan spat out a sharp barking laugh. "Ha! The cheapest, donated, and re-purposed fabric a man can get his hands on!" Stan told him. Uki-Dohth looked aghast, but held his tongue. Stan turned to the twins. "So, you two, nothing weird is going on today, right?"
"Not to my knowledge," Dipper shrugged, "Unless you have another campaign of S and S for us already?" he eagerly added.
"Nope. Work," Grunkle Stan shook his head.
"Then we are clean as goober peas!" Mabel declared.
"Good. Stay on watch-out," He commanded the twins. "Since today is the big opening, we should be getting a whole ton of visitors today. Keep an eye out, you hear?" he told them as he turned and followed a worried alien back inside the gift shop. They watched him go and then turned to one another.
"Dipper!" Mabel whipped to her brother, "High kick to my five!" Mabel demanded of her brother as she took a long step back, putting some space between the two of them.
"Oh, Mabel, again?" Dipper groaned, feeling his hips, "My legs are still sore and-"
"High kick to my five, soldier!" Mabel demanded, suddenly adopting the tones of a drill sergeant. She bounced in place as she adopted a fighters stance.
Dipper sighed and readied himself, stretching his leg out and readying the muscles for his action. "Okay," Dipper shook his head, forever struggling to keep pace with his athletic sister. Watching her bob up and down worried him.
In the past two weeks since saving the town population form non-existence, Mabel had cracked down heavily on her brother as his teacher. While she was entirely supportive and fun, she expected him to be able to keep up in these practices. More times than not, he had landed on his face in an attempted back flip or a cartwheel. Improvement was certain, as Dipper could feel aches in muscles he had never felt before. Despite it all, Mabel was convinced he could do better. Dipper was less optimistic, but several days ago he had given up trying to prove her otherwise.
Dipper took two long breaths and made his move. Timing his tick to her highest point of movement, he kicked up and spun himself. Heel swung past where her hand had just been in the air. To his greatest surprise, he felt not impact against the side of her head, which had happened several times prior. Dipper cried out excitedly and stumbled, but kept his footing.
"I- I did it!" he exclaimed, punching his hands into the air.
"Yeah boy!" Mabel cried out as well, miming his actions. The two double-high fived, and then Mabel head-butted Dipper with enthusiasm. That was less planned, and the boy exclaimed and grasped his head as Mabel stumbled around. "Oh. Wow. Your head is just as hard as mine is. Ow."
"Mabel, don't do that again," Dipper groaned as he rubbed his forehead. "I could feel that reverberating through my teeth. Ack!"
"I can't make that promise. What if you become possessed," Mabel told Dipper worriedly, "And the only way to exorcize the demon or spirit is to head-butt you enough times?"
"I give you permission in emergencies to head-butt me," Dipper told her with a smile, still rubbing his temples, "But save them for those times."
"Good deal," she nodded, and faced him fully, "C'mon! Let's do something else!"
"Alright," Dipper nodded and rolled his arms around, stretching his shoulders.
The next thirty minutes was a blur for the twins. The ran around the building of the Mystery Manor doing all sorts of crazy martial arts stuff, from sprinting and racing, to what Mabel called 'floppy-fishing'; where you flop on the ground and attempt to get as high into the air as you possibly can. They passed the newest section of the building; a divided series of small motel rooms all connected by a long porch. In similar look to the rest of the building, they looked like they were falling apart. Dipper and Mabel had both sneaked looks into the room enough to know that the inside was tolerable for the price that Stan demanded.
After nearly an hour of their training, most of which Mabel had more than once admitted to just improvising and coming up with on the top of her head, the two made their way back to the gift shop front porch. They sat by the old, worn, outdoor couch. Only after a few minutes to talking to one another, a certain pot-bellied pig had decided to join them, lying on Mabel's lap and oinking sincerely. The same family van sat in the driveway, and the two sat together, engaging in many competitive twin-like activities, from thumb wrestling to a surprisingly well thought out analysis of monsters who, if made to fight one another, would win.
"Well, in the end," Mabel decisively said, "The Gobblewonker clearly wins."
"What?" Dipper shook his head as he scratching Waddle's back absentmindedly, "Gnomes can probably join up to create some gnome-battleship and take it down."
"I don't think gnomes can breathe underwater, and the Gobblewonker can! I think," Mabel admitted. Waddles oinked. "Awww, see? He agrees."
"I guess I can't argue with a pig on the matter," Dipper sighed and pink animal looked to him with appreciation. Next to them, the door opened. The family was walking out, wide smiles on their faces and wearing all manners of merchandise belonging to the shack.
The proud voice of Mister Mystery followed them out. "Thank you! Thank you!" Grunkle Stan told them, escorting them to their car, "Remember to tell your friends, extended family, and wealthy ex-friends about the Mystery Manor! We take all walks of cash and coin! Come again!" As the crew got into the car and back away, Stan turned back to the twins, rubbing his hands together. "Haaa, I love a good cluster of suckers."
"You certainly start off early with scamming people," Dipper informed Grunkle Stan, and checked his phone, "It's barely eleven and you've made probably a few hundred dollars off of them."
"I'm a little rusty – was only a hundred or so," Grunkle Stan admitted as he stretched his fingers and then rubbed his jaw, "They were more interested in the stuffed animals than the merchandise. Jeesh. What is the world coming to – merchandise isn't prioritized anymore. My 'Burping Stan' collectables usually sell like hotcakes!"
"Alack!" Mabel dramatically placed a hand atop her forehead, and then one for Waddles as well, "The consumerist and materialistic tendencies of American are fading away! What woe befalls us! Waddles! Our fates are sealed!" Mabel told the pig, who then started licking her face worriedly, which only caused her to laugh gleefully. "Oh, you little tease!"
"You're going to feed the pig with your own stuff, right?" Grunkle Stan pointed to Waddles.
"Actually, since Waddles is big enough," Dipper said excitedly, "He can eat out of the woods. I plan on putting a camera on his neck so that we can see if he comes across anything exciting or interesting while he forages."
"Oh, look at the time," Grunkle Stan looked to his arm, which did not have a watch on it, "I have to be somewhere else not listening to boring nerd stuff."
Mabel laughed as Dipper scowled at his elder. "Nerd-stuff," she chuckled.
"Now you two just let me know when we get more people to scam," Grunkle Stan told the twins as he walked past them, "And try not to attract any horrible monsters or cursed objects while people are visiting! It's bad enough trying to ignore the fact that technically I have not existed for the past two years, but that you two could bring even more weird into my home is bad enough."
"Leave it to us!" Mabel saluted, and then held Waddles' leg to his forehead for a second salute.
Grunkle Stan had been gone inside for thirty minutes. An hour. Two hours. Three hours passed. As the heat crept back into the day, the twins had moved inside to the gift shop, hanging with their friends. Soos and Yuki came and went together, repairing parts of the shack while teaching the alien how to repair things without electronic or handheld super-conductors. The few times Soos could hang out, he was animatedly telling the group how excited he was.
"And to top it off, there's going to be like, a bunch of awesome conventions this summer!" he continued to talk as they all listened off-handedly. Mabel and Wendy were reading some article of a magazine, and Dipper was flipping through a puzzle book Stan had for sale.
Yuki, always eager to understand and comprehend, listened carefully. "Conventions; gatherings of like-minded individuals to a common purpose?" Yuki asked as he sat cross-legged on the floor, disassembling a digital clock to understand its function.
"Yeah dawg! There's going to be one for business in like two week," Soos announced.
"Ew," Wendy groaned, sticking out her tongue and looking up from the magazine, "Business convention? So, a bunch of stuffy, up-right, pretentious rich people gather in one place? Count me out."
"You can call them what you'd like," Soos told her as she looked down to the magazine, "But it's important for the welfare of Gravity Falls as a whole! This could easily put us on the map as a convention town."
Dipper peeked from the most recent puzzle he solved. "Soos, when did you start getting interested in the town?" Dipper asked.
"Well, ever since you and Mabel sort of saved us from that crazy alien stuff, no offense dawg," Soos held hand to Yuki, who shrugged and continued to fidget, "I've decided that it's much better to be informed with the goings on of the town. From now on, you'll be a much more savvy Soos for this middle-of-nowhere town!"
"Yeah! Go Soos!" Mabel cried, not bothering to look up from the Magazine. Wendy however looked up, a puzzled look about her.
"Well, you know the trick to that, right?" she asked him, "You can't believe all the rumors you hear. Especially about people you know."
"Evidence is important to the successful businessman," Soos told her, adjusting his hat carefully. "That, and I totally want to be ready to impress Zander Maximillion when he arrives."
"Who?" Dipper asked. Wendy answered for Soos, who gasped dramatically.
"That's the lead singer for that band Duskhope," she explained quickly.
"The musical prodigy of our age!" Soos exclaimed, "The greatest rock-artist in the past twenty years! He was one of the youngest top-chart singers on record, and he's coming to Gravity Falls!"
"What?" Mabel looked up, "Another band is stopping by our town!?"
"You bet hambone!"
"Waddles!" Mabel turned to the pig by the floor, who was gnawing on the edges of a straw-basket, "Pid you hear? People of note are planning to visit!"
Dipper frowned. He didn't hate the idea of more interesting people visiting, but this was a remote location. "Why do people keep coming to Gravity Falls?" Dipper inquired to the group, "It's not like there's a lot going on here."
"Oh, that's easy," Wendy stated, "There nothing that can compete for attention in town. You're pretty much guaranteed to get the attention you pay for. Also, towns like this can't say no to any big-time names, because otherwise they lose publicity chances. The town wins, and so does the big-name people," she summarized. Four pairs of eyes studied her, impressed, or surprised with her knowledge. With a quick cough to clear her throat, she added, At least, that's, uh, what I've heard."
"An professional summary," Soos nodded in appreciation, scratching his chin, "I would have said the same thing."
"Yeah. You know," Wendy pointed to the magazine hopefully, "That sort of thing is talked about in magazines sometimes."
Mabel, spying the magazine, added, "This is 'Talk Like You Know It' weekly."
"Hey!" a voice called from the hallways. The five turned as Grunkle Stan stormed in, looking frustrated and anxious. "You guys haven't been ignoring the front of the building, right?" he asked, trying to see through the windows.
"Huh?" The twins replied.
"Visitors! Guests! Schmucks!" Grunkle Stan told them animatedly, waving his arms above his head, "Scamming material! Walking wallets? I'm getting through to you guys, right?"
"Walking wallets? I am uncertain towards his honesty," Yuki mentioned quietly to Mabel, leaning on the counter.
"Well?" Grunkle Stan walked through them, checking outside.
"Nothing so far," Dipper told him dismissively.
"Nothing?" Grunkle Stan repeated, alarmed.
"Nothing," Wendy echoed.
"Nothing!" Grunkle Stan shouted and marched away from the door. "I don't get it – this was one of the top tourist locations in this country!"
"Aside from the lake, it's the only advertised tourist trap in town," Dipper mumbled to the puzzles.
"How is it that no one is coming to the freaks and weirdoes of the world?" Stan demanded of his crew. Then his eyes hardened, and he nodded to himself. "I didn't put up enough signs."
"Grunkle Stan," Mabel shook her head, "Maybe this is just one of those quiet days! It just so happened that no one was coming today because no one is willing to not be lazy."
Stan didn't quite listen to his grand-niece. "Maybe sending those online-advertisements was a good idea," Grunkle Stan stroked his chin, "Hey," he turned to Wendy and Mabel, "Either of you know how to work online advertising?"
"Uh..." Wendy shrugged.
Mabel's eyes widened with excitement. "Oh! I can't program, but I can easily design my heart out for an advertisement for the Mystery Manor!"
"Great. Programmer. I need a programmer," Stan looked over to Yuki. "You?"
Yuki shook his head. "I need to understand your primitive coding first," The alien admitted, "It... is proving more difficult than I would have previously anticipated. Perhaps within a few weeks?"
"Too slow. Dipper? Soos?"
"Hm. I think I could fix us something on my old laptop," Soos said carefully.
"How long will that take?" Grunkle Stan demanded.
"Eh... later tomorrow?" Soos estimated.
"Why is everything slow in this world!? I need it out as soon as possible!" Grunkle Stan growled, and then looked to Dipper. "And you?"
"I don't do programming," Dipper informed him.
"Why not?!"
"It never has agreed with me," Dipper shrugged.
"How can a combination of zeroes and one form an opinion?" Yuki demanded of Dipper.
"I don't know!" Dipper exasperatedly explained, "I just- I barely passed my computer technology class once we got passed basic programs and into their language!"
"Pfft. Smart sibling, huh?" Mabel mocked Dipper, who's cheeks went red.
"Great!" Grunkle Stan cried out angrily, clapping a hand to head and tossing his eight-ball walking stick aside, "Great! Now I'm without a single customer on my grand opening and I've spent all that money fixing up the place with those stupid rooms!"
"They are quite nice rooms," Yuki implored him. Stan shot a warning scowl at the alien. Yuki gulped, and looked away.
Otherwise, Stan looked defeated. "Well... if anyone needs me, I'll be in my room, wallowing in my..."
The saddened, deflated elder never finished his lamenting. There was the echoing call of scratching gravel and turning tire. Grunkle Stan walked, almost in a trance, towards the front doors. Coming up the road was a billow of dust. There was someone coming. It wasn't just a single vehicle. There were multiple, in a line.
"Cars? Plural!? Battle stations!" Grunkle Stan roared to the shop, knocking Wendy off her stool and onto the floor and scaring Waddles to run, squealing into the living room. "Soos! Assume proper handyman position!"
The proclaimed handyman reached behind the snack machine and pulled out his broom. "My ordinances are ready," Soos declared.
"Wendy!" Stan bellowed as the redhead stumbled back onto her feet, "Act like you care a little!"
"We're totally not scamming you," Wendy shrugged to the imaginary customer.
"Yuki!" Stan shouted to the alien, who was pressing himself against a wall to remove himself from the loudness, "Prepare to amaze them as a tree-person!"
"Yes sir," Yuki replied. He blinked. "Wait-"
"Twins!" Stan finalized, spinning to the twins, who darted next to one another, "Pretend to be amazed customers!"
"I can't even believe this building has fully constructed walls!" Mabel awed around her as Dipper nodded.
"Can you believe they have running water?" he asked with a constrained grin.
With a small sniffle, Grunkle stan told them, "You all... you all could bring a grown man to tears." Grunkle Stan calmed down, looking around at the group that had responded instantly to his demands. He checked outside once more, and then started adjusting his tie and hat. "Ack!" he ran over, clutching his walking stick and checking himself in the reflection of a window. "Good to rip-off. Here we go, old chum." Grunkle Stan turned and walked over to the door, yet hesitated. Putting his face near to the screen door, he glared outside.
"Grunkle Stan?" Dipper called to him, "Can we stop pretending this place is made of gold yet?"
"Gold doesn't compare to this fine establishment," Mabel told Dipper, pawing at his arm.
The elder stared outside. "I don't think those are normal family cars, or normal family cameras, or normal family... microphones," Grunkle Stan told the others.
"What? Cameras?" Wendy repeated as she, the twins, Yuki, and Soos all approached the door, squeezing to get a look through the screen.
Five cars, all vans with the abbreviated letters 'W.P.G.T.P.' pulled up and parked. People were filing out, setting up shoulder operated cameras and boom-poles for microphones to be carried. In the back of the trail of the vans was a familiar van. It was showing signs of wear and tear- it had been fixed as best as it could be since it last visited the Mystery Manor. From one of the vans, five young men wearing trench coats and sunglasses stood out. They looked nervous as they scanned around: one of them even carried a pickax.
"Isn't that the p-p guys?" Mabel pointed at the five young men. The five approached the camera crews and a particular man wearing a nice suit.
Stan grumbled. "What the heck is going on?" He then stepped through the door. Soos followed suit, along with Dipper and Mabel. "Hey! This isn't public property! Go film nature stuff somewhere else!"
"Ah," the man in the nice suit gasped, walking over with a wide smile, just the same kind Grunkle Stan used, "You must be Stanley Pines!"
"Look, fella," Grunkle Stan pointed at the dapper leader, "I don't know who you are or what you want-"
"Justin Oppenheim," the dapper leader took Grunkle Stan's outstretched hand and shook it, "One of the lead producers of channel WPGTP. I have a particular group of nice young men who told me that this location would be the perfect start for our newest television series!"
"What the heck is WPGTP?" Dipper asked quietly to Soos.
"Watch people go to places," Soos told him, "It's popularity has grown quiet a lot in the past few years. Why go on a fancy vacation when you can sit on your couch and pretend to have the money to travel and become cultured?"
"Oh. Sounds right," Dipper shrugged.
"Oh. I've seen some of your shows," Grunkle Stan permitted him acknowledge his fame. The producer smiled and shrugged. He was a good-looking middle-aged man, with short black hair and dark brown eyes. He had a faint trace of a five o-clock shadow, and had big, perfect, straight teeth.
"You see, Mister Pines," the producer halted himself, and looked to Stan, "May I call you Stan?" Grunkle Stan grunted and shrugged. "Perfect! Stan, there is a call for our channel to begin investing in one of the greatest bubbles of the reality television world!"
"Housewives?" Stan proclaimed, "You're in the wrong home for those."
"No! No," the produced chuckled, "We already covered them. I mean the world of paranormal!"
"The what?" Grunkle Stan looked around to the crews, easily spotting seven cameras.
"Well, this is the world-famous Gravity Falls Mystery Manor, is it not?" Justin Oppenheim asked of him. "Known for the center location of all things strange and paranormal?"
"Of course it is!" Stan declared proudly, "And the best merchandise this side of the U.S.!"
"Excellent! Because we, my crew and the wonderful talents of the North Pacific Paranormal People," he turned briefly and pointed to the five men as they leaned on the vans, folding their arms and looking very cross, "Plan on having our pilot episode for the newest show here! Titled," he held his hands above, painting the words for the title, "Totally Real Paranormal Mystery Show!"
"Totally real paranormal mystery show?" Mabel repeated, frowning and looking to her brother, "Wasn't there a show that kind of did that already?"
"Yeah! Ghost Annoyers! Or Mission Fact!" Dipper declared, "with John Fences! Both were on the Fictional Science channel."
"Yes, well," the producer before them adjusted himself self-consciously and looked displeased, "That show is a huge scam. Just because he can discover yeti-footprints on the job and get world recognition as an accredited explorer doesn't make him a good paranormal investigator, or not a fraud! But these five-" he pointed behind then, "They're the real deal!"
"Ah," Grunkle Stan eyed the producer, "The real deal, huh?"
"The real deal," the producer assured him.
"Look, Mister Oppen-ducer," Grunkle Stan rolled his eyes as he prepared to lay out his opinion of the N.P.P.P., "Those 'kids' caused me a lot of trouble last time they came through. I'm not interested in-"
The producer, his smile more a wax fixation for pleasantries, quickly cut in. "We'll put your establishment on the air, for free, with a full chance to explain your building and any history you would like to talk to the entire country about," Justin the producer told Grunkle Stan.
"... The entire country... on television... free?" Grunkle Stan repeated, his mouth falling open a little wider with each word.
"You understand me fully," the producer grinned. Grunkle Stan leapt into the air, clicked his heels, and blasted his hands behind him, smacking into Mabel and Dipper, knocking them aside, each shouting with an 'Ow!'.
"Please! Come on in! Let's talk about the show!"
The producer nodded and beckoned his crew to follow as Grunkle Stan took the twins and Soos back inside, snickering and positively beaming. If the twins looked hard enough into their grand uncles' eyes, they probably could have seen winged dollar bills soaring around his pupils. This was everything their grand-uncle could want: attention that led to cash.
Wendy, at the gift counter, asked, "So, what is happening, exactly?" as the twins stepped inside first.
Mabel cheerfully stated, "We're going to be filmed for the whole world to see!"
"Wait, what?" Wendy demanded of the them.
"Yeah dawg!" Soos declared excitedly, "We're going to be television famous! The famous term 'that guy on television' will soon be us."
Dipper chuckled and nodded with excitement, and made to remind Wendy of how awesome that sounded. Yet he found her face darkened. She was looking to the ground, her eyes shaking and darting in silent discussion.
"You're okay with being filmed, right?" Dipper asked Wendy, who gasped.
The darkness in her face faded. "Pfft, of course I am! What kind of teenager would I be to not want a bit on TV?" Wendy chuckled as she put her hands in her pockets, "I mean, exciting! Right?"
"Waddles and I are going to be the next celebrity couple!" Mabel suddenly screeched and ran deeper into the building, racing for her lost pig, probably hiding somewhere under a coffee table.
"Should I presume to hide myself?" Yuki asked Stan, nervously tugging at the rim of his shirt, "I do not think exposing my nature on publicized entertainment is a good way of remaining a secret."
"Are you kidding me!" Grunkle Stan patted the back of the stranded alien, who gasped and rubbed his shoulders, "This is perfect! Not only can they film how awesome this all is, but then people will come from all over to see our real-life alien! Maybe I can start charging people to talk to you..."
"Grunkle Stan, I kind of agree with him on this one," Dipper sided with Yuki, who seemed on the verge of sweating, "People could freak out if they knew Aliens were, for a fact, living among us. That could send us some costumers who'd want to hurt Yuki."
"Or break my shop..." Grunkle Stan nodded a sighed, "Okay, okay, for now, just wear that hat."
"I accept this assignment," Yuki nodded.
"Waddles!" Mabel's voice rang through the home, calling for her beloved.
Soos asked, "Does that mean I become the world-famous handyman of the world-famous Mystery Manor?"
"Heh, I guess so," Grunkle Stan shrugged.
"Yes! Finally, I can wear these!" Soos pumped his hand into the air, reached into his pocket, and placed sunglasses with plastic lining streaking across the glass onto his face. "Only famous people can wear these." Soos then turned and walked over the counter, tripping and flipping over the side and landing next to Wendy with a crash.
"You okay, dude?" Wendy dared to ask.
Soos tossed his hands onto the counter and tossed aside the broken frames of the cheap glasses. "Alas, fame is a short, fickle thing," Soos shook his head sadly but stood up fully, clearly uninjured.
Then the crewmembers started to file in, led by Justin Oppenheim. The remainder of the crew who worked daily at the Mystery Manor remained mostly silent as Grunkle Stan showed the crew around the entire, surprisingly sprawling interior of the building. The cinematographer, a tired looking man with a drawing kit on his belt, was constantly checking in with the producer for proper angles to film the show. After a confirmation from the producer was made, he would scribble down a sketch of what the film shot should look like.
"So then," The producer turned to the five men, who had lingered at the back of the crowd, still brooding and looking nervously around, "Why don't we have one of you interview these fine people, one at a time?"
"Uh..." Geoffrey, the leader of the N.P.P.P. looked to his friends, who all stared back at him through their sunglasses. He cleared his throat and stepped forward. "Sure. Should I just... ask whatever?"
"Trust me, this will be fine," the producer assured him as cameras, lights, and the microphone were set up in the living room. Justin Oppenheim started pulling over Stan to his lazy boy chair, and plopped him down. "Just sit on this table here," he pointed to the coffee table, where Waddles was busy eyeing the electric cables of the cameras with interest, "And question him about things. We can edit the boring stuff out."
"Boring stuff! Ha!" Grunkle Stan slapped his knee, "This place is nothing but excitement!"
"Oh?" the producer eagerly waved at the cameras, and the green light on the front turned red. Justin then pointed to Geoffrey. The man rolled his eyes and faced Grunkle Stan. The rest of the gang stood out by the door to the gift shop, staring in with interest.
Looking at the man he once harshly reviewed, Geoffry cleared his throat and asked his first question. "Tell us, uh, what it's like living in this place?" he asked nervously.
Stan grinned. "Ah, well, to be honest, I wouldn't trade it for the world! Well, not unless the world was ready to offer this man his dues! Huh? Am I right?" Grunkle Stan nodded at Geoffrey, who shrugged. "Of course I'm right! Ha! Money is great!"
"Right... tell us about the paranormal activity that goes on around here," Geoffrey asked after a checking glance to Oppenheim. The producer nodded for him to continue.
"Oh, yeah, there's tons of things that go on around here that are weird! Like, you wouldn't believe the shape of the fried egg I cooked this morning!" he pointed to the door that led to the kitchens, "It looked like that Indian guy in a towel!"
Geoffrey stared, and then guessed, "Gandhi?"
"Yeah! That one!" Grunkle Stan nodded. Geoffrey again looked to the producer, who had lost a little of that exciting light. He waved a hand to him, enticing him to continue questioning.
"Uh... right, that is rather odd. What about ghosts? Or elementals?" Geoffrey told Grunkle Stan pointedly, leaning a little closer and staring at the old man, "Seen any of those recently."
Stan leaned into the chair. "Well, as a matter of fact, we've-"
"Cut!"
Grunkle Stan turned to the producer, who was holding the bridge of his nose and shaking his head. Mister Mystery protested, "Hey, what gives! I was just about to get to the juicy details!"
"It's not your fault," Oppenheim told Stan, "Mister Finners," he looked to Geoffrey, who scowled, "We talked about this. Elementals? Really?"
"They were real!" he turned to the producer, and as it would seem also a director, "We were attacked by four living, animated, giant elementals!"
Dipper could not believe what he was about to do, but truth was truth. "It's true," Dipper piped up from behind the crew, catching the attention of the producer and his staff. He continued, defending the integrity (what little there might be) of the NPPP, "We accidentally got on the bad side of a bunch of earth guardians or something, and they almost destroyed this entire building!"
"See! See!" Geoffrey shouted and pointed to Dipper, "We're not crazy, and it's not a lie!"
"I never said it was," Justin sighed, and clapped his hips with a clipboard, "What I told you is that elementals won't sell for the pilot!"
"Whaaa?" Mabel whined from the doorway.
"Pilots need to sell to the mass media, young lady," Oppenheim stated, "and our studies show that a basic ghost story, something about a possession or haunting, is our best bet for getting the most amount of attention as quickly as we can."
"But that's not what happened," Dipper reminded him.
"My boy, it's television," Oppenheim told him with a chuckle, "If I wanted truth, I'd be working for a credible journal organization, not television. This is entertainment, not news."
"Ha-ha!" Grunkle Stan pointed to Justin, "A man after my own heart! I love this guy!" he clapped his hands together and sat up, "So, we need a ghost story huh?"
"Ah, yes, but I think if we could get someone else to sit in for this next part of the interview, we can get back to you later," Oppenheim stated gently, and turned. Soos was closest to him, wearing another pair of strange glasses. "Ah, you sir. What's your name?"
"It's Soos," the handyman told him excitedly.
"Well, Soos, take the seat."
Each of them, with exception to Wendy, had their chance to sit before a camera and be filmed answering questions. Wendy opted out when she said she needed to go to the bathroom and to just skip over her. Soos couldn't stay on topic, changing most of the questions about the paranormal into stories about how he best selects lightbulbs. Dipper would follow Yuki, who was too busy staring mystically into the camera to answer questions. Dipper gave a very well thought out explanation to paranormal activity, but it seemed to only bore Oppenheim, even though it clearly impressed Geoffrey.
Though slightly deterred, the producer was clearly used to things not going perfectly. After Dipper's interview, he turned to Mabel. "So, Mabel," Oppenheim told her as he let her take the seat, "I want you to do something for me."
"I want ten percent for each head I bring back," she told him with a grin.
"I... what? Ah... never mind, just," he cleared his head and blinked feverishly, "When I point to something, look at it and be quiet for a few moments."
"Look and shush, got it mister president!" Mabel gave him the thumbs up. The producer scowled and shouted for the cameras to roll.
"So, Mabel," Geoffrey asked her, "Has anything odd been going on since we last visited?"
"You kidding me!?" Mabel declared excitedly, "like a whole bazillion things! We ran from werew- I mean, uh, ghosts! And then we had to go to hel- I mean to the basement and had to fight more... ghosts!" Mabel continued to correct the actual predicament she and her brother had encountered, and the producer was eating it up. Despite the rough introduction from their last encounter, Geoffrey and the NPPP seemed excited at her story. They seemed just clever enough to listen past the hastily made self-edits Mabel used. She told him, "Just ghosts everywhere!"
Then the producer pointed to a lamp. Mabel instantly whipped her head around and stared at the lamp for a long count of three seconds.
"Cut!" Justin shouted and clapped his hands, "Amazing performance, miss Pines!"
"Does that mean I can now be interviewed with Waddles!?" she begged.
"Ah, maybe later," he told her with a forced smile.
"Why did you tell her to look there anyway?" Dipper asked of him, uncertain what the importance of the stare would amount to, "It's just a lamp."
"That's the marvels of television, Dipper. Just a fraction of post-production, a few stock audio clips, and BOOM!" he clapped his hands together, "She heard a ghost and turned to look at the direction of the moan."
"Wait, you're going to tell people my manor is haunted!?" Grunkle Stan demanded with a gaping mouth.
"Yes?" Oppenheim stated. "Is that a problem?"
"Not at all!" Grunkle Stan clapped his hands together, "That just means I can charge more per night! Not only will it be world famous, but haunted!? Hot-diggity damn! People won't even know what to do with us!"
"Isn't all of this rather... dishonest?" Yuki quietly asked of Dipper.
"I... guess so, but it's not like any harm can come of this, right?" he pointed to Yuki, who nodded grimly. Dipper added, "This place isn't really haunted, so no danger."
"I am not used to the human custom of lying so consistently," Yuki quietly admitted.
The tired-looking cinematographer called about, "Okay, can we set up for the ghost shots please?" and the cameras started to be shifted around, along with the lights and microphones.
"Oh, are they going to unleash a spirit to haunt the lamp?" Mabel asked to her brother.
"No," he explained, "They'll probably just get a short shot of it, and then do some post-production edits to make sure that it looks spooky and haunted. Television has come so far that we don't need to use stupid tricks like fishing wire to-"
No sooner had Dipper uttered the words 'fishing wire' than an assistant walk past him with a short line of almost invisible wire, and began to wrap it around the base of the lamp, apparently out of the shot. Dipper looked shocked.
"Really... they're going to just... use that..."
The producer overheard him. "Post-edits are expensive, Dipper," the producer told him with a quick smile, "And besides, if it isn't broke, don't fix it."
Stan did not seem thrilled with their wiring. "I'd prefer you not break my lamp either," Grunkle Stan pointed to his lamp by the table with worry, "You don't need to fix what isn't broken."
"Don't worry, mister Pines," Justin Oppenheim assured him, "We'll have some extras on standby to catch it if the lamp wobbles and falls. Otherwise, we'll just replace it."
"Oh. Then go crazy," Grunkle Stan gave the word.
The producer laughed, and then one of the assistant producers walked up to him, whispering in his ear. Justin groaned and pushed him away. "I hate to ask you, you wouldn't happen to have spare fishing wire we could use? We need to set up a shot where a book flies across the room," he explained, "And the remaining wire has apparently expired. I didn't even know the stuff could."
"Ah, sure," Grunkle Stan nodded, and slowly turned to the twins, and spoke to them quietly, "Look, I know we're out of the stuff. Just go run downtown and grab a few dozen of the things."
"What, rolls of fishing wire?" Dipper asked, "That's like eight miles of the stuff!"
"Well, whatever they don't use I'll fish with!" Grunkle Stan grasped their shoulders and nudged them forward, "Now, go get me those fishing lines!"
The twins exited the room, followed by Wendy, who was less than pleased looking with the status of the shack. She grumbled, "Now those jerks are getting television attention, great," as the trio entered the gift shop.
"They aren't all that bad," Dipper admitted, "At least Geoffrey seemed sort of-"
"Dipper, remember how they treated us when they visited the first time?" she told him. Dipper's face reddened slightly, as he did indeed remember exactly how they had behaved during their prior visit. She added as she looked over her shoulder, "Makes you wonder how they even got a film crew to follow them."
"Maybe it was luck or something," Mabel suggested, "I know that's how Mission Fact started."
"Well... whatever," Wendy sighed, "Hey, can you two grab for me, like, a Portland newspaper while you're in town?"
"Sure!" Mabel quickly promised, but Dipper laughed.
"Did you forget to pick the paper up? I can't imagine Stan really cared. He doesn't even read the articles, he's just looking for coupons," he told Wendy.
She shrugged. "I just, you know, forgot to pick one up earlier this week. Want to stay up to date with things," Wendy told them offhandedly, "But you'll do it, right?"
"Sure," Dipper nodded.
She smiled. "Thanks. I'll help keep the fort down. Safe driving," she waved to them as she turned away and walked back towards the crowd.
"Okay, you ready?" Dipper turned to his sister, a fist in his palm.
"You know it, bro-bro," she replied and mimed his action.
"One, two, three-"
In the epic game of rock, paper, scissors, Mabel was victorious. The two had to enter town on the back of the pink motorcycle instead of Dippers black car. While Dipper had grown more comfortable with Mabel's tendency to be a risky driver, his self-conscious nature could not overlook the fact he was riding along a bright pink bike into town. Riding into town was, however, a distraction for the two of them.
They had saved the entire residency of this sleepy region. Not just a few people, or a family; the entire darn town had been saved by their actions, along with Yuki's intervention. They would never hear a thank you, aside from Soos, Wendy, or Stan, but just seeing the people in town was sometimes rewarding enough. Heroism wasn't exactly their strong suit, but there was immense satisfaction seeing something continue because of their choices.
As they parked, Mabel was instantly torn away from Dipper- she spotted Candy and Grenda entering a shop. Dipper had sighed, and let her chase after them to catch up. She had been particularly cautious amidst her friends since that incident with the aliens, and almost every other day saw them. It was luck that when Dipper retrieved the ten wraps of fishing wire that she had finished chatting with them, having made plans for several days from now for a slumber party. Dipper had retrieved his copy for Wendy of the Portland Daily, and was skimming it when Mabel informed him of this.
"At least you're giving me some warning in advance," Dipper admitted to her as he starting tying the bag with the fishing line down to the bike.
"What? I thought you liked hanging out with them!" Mabel told Dipper.
"I don't mind them at all!" Dipper exclaimed, "I like them plenty. But you guys, uh, are rowdy."
"We're teenagers, or have you forgotten Dip-dot-doop?" Mabel grinned and poked his eye.
"Ow."
"Serves you right," Mabel poked her tongue out at him.
Dipper soothed his eye and opened his mouth, ready to retort with a clever statement on the status of maturity and adulthood. Then his eyes caught something behind Mabel and across the street. Someone was walking down the street, reading an old book, a particularly dark hoodie over his head as he strutted down the sidewalk. He had the air of someone who once only smelt roses, now walking through a trash dump.
"Mabel, does that look like who I think it looks like?" Dipper asked her, pointing to the person.
She spun around, and instantly gasped. "That's so totally him," she agreed. She looked back, and without a word to one another, agreed on action. The two left the bike alone and marched across the street, cracking their knuckles and stretching their palms. If that was exactly who they thought it was, a fight could soon break out. He never noticed them, right up until Mabel grasped him by the arm, pulled him into an alley, and slammed him into a wall. "Warlock!" she yelled at him as he dropped his book to the ground.
He had yelped and pulled back against the concrete. He stared between the twins. It was, indeed, the warlock from three weeks ago. Dark rings had formed under his eyes and he seemed to smell much worse than their previous encounter. Faint blond hair lingered in the back of the hoodie, and pale blue eyes stared fearfully at Mabel, and then to Dipper.
After an audible gulp, he grumbled, "You two."
"You didn't forget us?" Dipper asked him. He then pulled back his sleeve, showing off the now healed scar from their first encounter, "Because we sure didn't."
"Looks like we get the jump on you, tough guy," Mabel growled at him, pushing him into the wall, "I think I deserve a few swings at him for cutting you up, bro."
"Get in line," he darkly told his sister as they double ganged the pinned man.
"W-w-w-wait!" he begged them, his arms in the air, "Wait! Let me explain myself."
The twins exchanged a look, but Mabel relaxed her grip. She did not let go, but she gave him a chance to breath from the oppressive grip she had. "You have exactly fifty words to explain yourself," Mabel granted him.
After a loud gulp, and a wince, he spoke bluntly. "I was mad at my master. I wanted a chance to show I was better than him. So, I went rogue and- and did things that were bad," he finalized, looking between Mabel and Dipper.
She was glaring at him with a deadly stare. "Dipper, that was under fifty, right? I lost count."
"Yeah, he didn't use his max, he's good for now," Dipper said as he stepped closed, also glaring at the warlock, "So what? Your whole speech about hurting people for power? Cutting my arm? Throwing knives at us? Strangling Soos? That was all, what, a game to you?"
The warlock gulped and fearfully looked between the two of them. He again winced before speaking. "I never did hurt anyone in the end. I, sure," Dipper made to punch him in the face, but the Warlock held his hands up," Wait! Wait. I did hurt you, but I never killed anyone like I said. I just wanted to scare you."
"Hm," Dipper snorted and lowered his fists, "Good to know that cutting my arm open was just 'hurting someone'," he told him, subconsciously feeling the raised markings long his arm, where Wendy's stitching could still be felt.
The Warlock looked past them; towards the street he had been walking. "I was actually just about to leave Gravity Falls," the Warlock explained after a strained gulp, "Can I please have myself lowered?" he asked Mabel, who nodded bitterly and let go. He dropped and rubbed his neck. "Thank you for being so understanding," he told them without a single bit of warmth in his voice.
"Yeah, whatever," Dipper said as Mabel backed away, keeping her eyes on him as she did.
The Warlock looked once between the two of them, and slowly lifted his book back up. "I understand if you do not believe me," he shrugged, "I probably wouldn't either."
"Why should we trust you at all?" Mabel demanded, and Dipper nodded behind her. The Warlock nodded, and then reached calmly inside his hoodie, and pulled out a small necklace with a strange token at the end. Mabel's eyes found themselves on the golden coin. "Wassit?"
There was a small grunt from him before he explained. "A talisman," the Warlock said, "One of a few I carry around. They give the holder luck, depending on the type of talisman. This one wore out on me, but it may work on you still," he told them, and then extended his hand. "Here... take it."
Dipper eyed the coin on the chain nervously, and then to the warlock. "What promise is there that this isn't cursed?"
He glared at Dipper. Clearing his throat with a loud cough, the Warlock snidely replied with, "Why would I wear something that's cursed?"
The twins exchanged looks, as it was more than a fair point. Dipper stepped forward and slowly took the coin and chain, and examined it. The two faces were the same, of a profile head with Latin writing on the brain, and the other side an image being produced in front of the person. "What's that supposed to mean?" Dipper pointed to the tails side.
"Dreams do come true," The Warlock told him, and made to leave. "I take it I'm free to go?" he asked them heatedly. The twins gave the coin one last look, and then nodded to him. He stood up a little taller. "Okay. Hope to never see you two again."
"The feeling is mutual," Dipper grumbled back as the Warlock stumbled out of the alleyway and left them alone. Once he was gone, Dipper turned to examine the apparent talisman. "We should probably just toss it out, right?" he asked Mabel as she too stared at it.
"I don't know," Mabel scratched her hair, "It doesn't seem to give me bad mojo-vibes."
"Test it maybe?" Dipper asked as he looked to his sister. "Take it to that light on the bike and see if it turns green while it's red?"
"Okay... if it doesn't, just toss it into a trash can or something," Mabel told him.
They crossed the street and mounted the bike once more. The warlock had vanished from the street, and they waited for the light to be red. Once it did, Mabel revved the bike and soared forward, unabashed at the coming red light. Call it a miracle, the light flashed green as they came to it, and then back to red when they passed through the intersection. Maybe it was a lucky talisman! The twins cheered as they sailed back towards the Mystery Manor.
Once they arrived, they brought in the fishing line and quickly handed it off to the crewmen, who began to rig books on a shelf to be tossed off with a few tugs of their hands.
"Thank you two again," the producer told them while rubbing his hands together, "This is a good start to the making of a memorable show. You two and your friends will be aired on nation-wide television! Cool huh?"
"Sure is," Mabel grinned.
"Wendy!" Dipper called to the redhead leaning against the wall, gaining her attention, "Catch!" he cried as he tossed her the newspaper. Nabbing it from the air, grinned and winked at him before opening it up and beginning to read into it. Dipper turned away, feeling hot in the face.
"You know," Soos' voice drifted to the twins as he spoke with the producer, while Stan watched them set up the shot. "I'm impressed with how much you all cooperate together. You really believe in all this coming to life, don't you?"
"My friend, Soos," the producer wrapped his arm around his shoulder as best he could, "Believing is what makes things come to life. You want to show the world paranormal? Trust me. We'll give them what they want."
"So hypocritically inspiring!" Soos applauded him. The producer blinked, and turned away. He was clearly uncertain whether to continue smiling happily at Soos, or if he had just been insulted. He walked away and approached the camera, so Soos then turned to the twins. "Aw, nice coin there. Trade with a Canadian?"
"Funny story, actually," Dipper told Soos.
"Quiet!" one of the assistant producers cried, and Dipper went silent.
"Action!"
The crews continued to shoot the same kinds of shots around the building over and over. They filmed Stan walking alone in the hall, and then looking behind him. They shot Soos dusting a part of a shelf and then looking to a book that was pulled off the shelf from a fishing wire. Even Waddles, being slowly pulled across a carpet, was all shot and re-shot. Late into the day and into the beginnings of night the filming went.
It got to the point where the crew were barely using the NPPP or the crew of the Mystery Manor any more. Stan would mingle with the crew, clearly chumming with the producer. The NPPP, however, had decided to take a break. They lingered in the Gift shop, where they awkwardly probed with questions from the twins, Wendy, Soos, and Yuki.
After a pointed question, Marcus of the NPPP, who was larger than the other four and had brown hair, answered, "We were told that people take you seriously when you wear trench coats."
Wendy snorted. "Look, dudes," she laid it out for them, "You're not in that movie, 'The Equation', or 'The Equation Re-Formulated', so the sunglasses and coats aren't working for you. Just wear clothes-clothes."
"What," Luke, the blond with braids, asked. He pulled away his glasses suddenly, and pocketed them. "Just jackets and T-shirts?"
"Hats are nice too," Soos pointed out.
"Might I inquire," Yuki spoke for the first time to the group, who turned to him and eyed him as they had when he entered the room quietly an hour previously, "As to why you are referred to as 'goons'?" The faces of the five men went red as they looked around to their companions. "Is that a derogatory term?"
"Mildly," Geoffrey admitted with a huffy pout.
"Oh, give it a break," Wendy called to him, "You guys came here and dissed on Stan. Not our fault you looked like you wanted more attention than a Goth high-schooler."
"Look," Luke growled and looked to the twins and Soos, "That was our first real time we went out and judged anywhere. We... thought it'd make more sense to play it tough than... not."
"Nice one," Dipper told them, "You came off like jerks."
"We're not," Ben, the nerd of the gang of the five promised as he adjusted his glasses.
"Wait, you all thought we were jerks?" Geoffrey asked.
Wendy quickly nodded, entirely unafraid of expressing her opinion. They looked to Soos, who put his hands in his pocket and adjusted his hats brim to hide his eyes. Dipper sighed and nodded, while Mabel scratched Waddles' back.
"How about you?" Adam, the handsome one of the five, asked Mabel, who shrugged.
She looked up, probably having not heard everything. "You what are nice? Sweaters. Sweaters are nice," she pointed to her own, "Right Dip?" she asked her brother.
He was busying playing with the talisman, still wrapped around his neck. "Yeah, in winter," he turned to tease her. As he turned, the jacket Ben wore beeped and whined loudly in a very electronic fashion, drawing attention to him. He jolted up and started fumbling around in his pockets, and finally found an EMF detector.
Marcus eyed the device. "Dude? What is it?" he asked as Ben stood up fully, and wove the small device around.
"Something just spiked on the field," Ben told him, tuning a series of dials on the metal and plastic contraption, "Got a solid hit!"
The NPPP looked around. As with their last visit, they dismissed the interior of the building as non-paranormal, save for small hints. Luke looked to Soos and Wendy, the employers. "I thought this place wasn't actually haunted?" he pointedly asked.
"Not to my knowledge," Soos told them with a look around. The lights flickered. "Huh. It's not storming and there isn't any wind or anything," Soos mused, watching the failing electronics. "I wonder if mister Pines forgot to pay the electric bill again."
Then the lights went out entirely. The cries of the camera crew echoed from the deep depths of the building. Yuki sighed and stood up. "I can see well enough in darkness. I shall check on the power cable outside."
"Be careful," Soos warned him as he walked out of the doors, "Maybe a bear is eating the pole again."
As Yuki strolled outside, the device on held in Ben's hands hummed louder. "Something is really, really weird," Ben muttered loudly enough to catch the attention of the others.
"Talk to me, man," Adam demanded of his friend, "What's going on?"
"The EMF is getting stronger," he told them all aloud, "I think we actually have something going down, right now!"
The thick front door slammed shut instantly. The nine in the gift shop shrieked and stood close together. The storm panels alongside the building began to slam shut one after another, rocking the walls of the building. The windows started to fog over. Dipper could see his and his sister's breath.
Sending a shiver up their spines, something distant cackled. There was a dark chuckle upon the air. Mabel shot next to her brother, holding him close. "Dipper?" she worriedly asked.
Ben faced his comrades. "I think the Mystery Manor just became haunted," Ben gulped.
Le gasp! Ah! Oh no! Whatever shall our heroes do! For, we cannot know!
Well, at least not yet. As with all these chapters, if you knew exactly how it was going to end in the first half, why would you come back for the second. Am I right? Maybe. I don't know. Maybe you're all just that nice to me. But you all are anyway :3
I cannot begin to explain how hard it is to keep up with the amount of references in this episode. I thought I outdid myself in Season one, episode 5, but GOD there's a ton in here. Whoever guesses correctly the references I've made in this episode gets to ask one question of me, just one question about the story, character, plot, anything, and I will tell you the truth.
That's right.
Spoiler cookies. :D
Now, I'm off to bed. It's late. Sorry for you first time readers- if there are atrocious spelling errors, I'll be back to edit... later.
EZB AWAY! (EZB leaps backwards onto a horse and plunges off a cliff)