When the still, thick air of the bayou is let alone to speak, it shall chatter. Insects and gulls and varieties of creatures buzz, and blare, and cry out in a cacophonous chorus of chaotic orchestra. The thick vegetation only hid the thousands upon thousands of small critters and vermin that would elevate the dark, inhospitable landscape into something truly breathtaking. The natural beauty and (often times) dread that these wildscapes would create brought biologists and wildlife researchers alike to these fauna factories. Time itself would be hard pressed to make another such-
"Fire in the hole!"
A dozen trees erupted in center as a barrage of dynamite was set off simultaneously. Sprays of wooden shrapnel and mulch flew left and right, showering the damp earth with fresh, warm, slowly dying wood. Each with a loud and wet 'thump', the trees came crashing down.
When the echoes of the blast faded into the distance, a gaggle of construction men stood up from several sand-bag bunkers, and approached the wreckage. Construction equipment and tractors began to beep in warning as they approached behind the workers, metal claws ready to drag away the now defeated swamp-vegetation.
"Sir!" one man stepped away from the construction, speaking into "We're making more progress with the explosives."
By a truck, some two hundred feet away, a tall, rounded and red-cheeked man with a straw hat lifted the walkie-talkie in his hand. "Excellent work, Mister Jones. The contract seems to be going smoothly."
"Sir," the construction man grumbled, "It's safe to come closer. I'd like to speak to you at a less discrete distance."
"I learn from my past mistakes, Barnaby," Bud Gleeful retorted, "And the last time I had been committed to infrastructure appliance like this, my hand was taken from me before I could even fold."
"What does that even mean?" the man asked.
"Never you mind," Bud rolled his eyes.
The worker leaned around Bud, eying those past him. "You just want to be closer to the officers nearby," he noted.
"They are a warm safety that I had previously neglected. Not a utility I shall regret not using again," Gleeful adjusted his hat. "Now, unless there is something significant, Mister Jones, I have an update to the commissioner."
The construction man, Barnaby Jones, growled. "Why do you insist we call him that?"
Bud eyed him, his smile suddenly venomous, "I'm sorry, was that a pay-deductible statement I heard?"
The worker gulped. "N-No. Just... I'll get right back to work."
As the complaining individual spun around and began shouting to his co-workers, Bud Gleeful stepped to the side door of a long black limousine that he had previously leant upon. Once inside, he sighed, fanning his face with his hat. Sweat saturated the lining of his clothing, and he adjust the collar of his neck. A small whistle dangled on his chest, and after a moment, he adjusted the strap to sit less on the back of his neck.
"Some air would be nice," he snapped ahead, and the distant driver sighed. A switch was flicked, and cold air blew itself on the backseat, and Bud was sated. "Much better," he mumbled.
After a relaxing moment, the portly man reached inside his pants pocket, adjust to better leverage out the thin metal device tucked away. Once in his hand and out before him, he quickly dialed away, and pressed it to the side of his face.
A shrill voice for a man answered, full of attitude and disregard for the caller. Full of southern twang, it asked, "Yes, father?"
"Gideon, the company you've hired here is getting work done, finally," Bud explained. "The dynamite provided is more than sufficient at cutting down those trees that had all the men spooked for some darn reason."
"You aught know the power of one superstition," the voice replied with authority, "The minds of lesser people often dictate that which they can't understand to higher a callin'."
"It wasn't a god they were afraid of, boy," Bud admitted.
"Oh, what? Lizardman? Aliens? Curses?" the voice listed off unceremoniously.
"Swamp-Ape," Bud snarled.
The voice laughed. "You're kiddin' me? Swamp-Ape! Hah! What a hoot!"
"Gideon, they been awfully afraid of these swamps since we started the new highway construction."
"Let 'em be afraid," Gideon Gleeful's voice echoed back, "Fear is a motivator, but also a blessing. If we can capture their small, simple-minded fear and twist it against the source, we can turn the balance into our favor."
"You really think that'll happen, boy?" Bud asked, his face wide with awe.
"If not, I bought some police officers to watch the construction, just in case," Gideon's voice dismissed.
Bud opened his mouth to comment, but the car jolted. He turned his attention forward, to the driver. "What on earth you doin' up there? Park this car already, Fernando!" The man ahead, however, was gaping at the side-window facing the construction, demolition, and deforestation. "Fernando! Dang it, if you're ignoring me again-"
Bud only then realized that the jolting of the car was less of sudden movements and more of an on-going rattle. The earth, much to his distress, was shaking.
"Gideon, I gotta go," bug stammered.
"Father, what on earth-"
"Trouble is rearing its ugly head again!" Bud worriedly cried as he turned the phone call off and stuffed it into his pocket hastily. When he stepped outside, and his eyes drank the scene some two hundred feet ahead of him, he rubbed his face. Scrubbing his eyes of what surely must have been a heat-induced hallucination, he blinked and looked again.
They were still there.
All five of the towering animals, some seven feet tall or taller. Wide shouldered, covered in thick, bristly hairs, they swung their hands around, smacking construction workers aside as they roared and hollered their way closer. While the sight was terrifying as it was hard to believe, Bud listened and could believe even less.
They were speaking.
One lifted a man up with one hand, grasping his collar, and saying, "Now look 'ere, you yellow excuse of a human bein'," the first of five creatures scolded, "I don' wanna see none of your type round here no more."
"Tarn right!" another said, doing a little jump as he kicked out, punting a man five feet away.
"Thought we told your boss to stay clear of our forest!" another roared.
"This here be our land and woods, and we don' like the way you been treatin' 'er!" the one holding the man, with a high-pitched hick drawl tossed the construction crew. As he landed, the big-foot like creature drew in breath in a raspy gasp, and spat by his foot. "That's what I think 'bout you folk when you come a messin' 'bout our lands!"
"Tell 'em, hoss!" the largest of them encouraged in a deep, booming voice as he spun around rapidly, holding one man in each arm.
Bud stared at the scene, and clapped a hand to his face. "Welp," he shrugged, "Glad my boy bought insurance." He drew out the whistle, and with a loud, proud toot, he called in infantry.
Fifteen police officers, armed with tasers and canisters of pepper-spray. Those of the attacking creatures who held onto the construction crew finally dropped them, aware of the coming uniformed men.
"Finally, the police officers are-a comin' to arrest these foul men," the head hauncho Big-foot declared. For the main speaker, three policemen started to beat on him with night-sticks. "Ow! Ow!" he barked. "Tarnation, what are you doing!?"
One of the officers cried out, "He's resisting arrest!" and made a particularly cruel crack across the being's nether-regions. The bigfoot moaned and fell forward, now entirely unaware that the three officers continued to beat down on him.
"Jim-Jo!" a Bigfoot cried out, and made for his friend. Another officer stepped between them, holding up a canister of pepper-spray. "Whazzat?" the Bigfoot asked earnestly, leaning in. The officer pressed down on the trigger, introducing the bigfoot to a world of hurt. "Mah eyes! I can't see nothing! I feel like there are spiders in my eyes!"
One by one, the five sasquatch entities fell to the police brutality.
Roped together and handcuffed with the largest sets of metal cuffs the cops could find, the five rested against one of the remaining torn up trunks of the exploded trees. There, with red eyes, swollen faces, or static-applied fur, the five looked at their captors.
Bud stepped forward, passing by the officers of re-gathered (and furious) workers, who shouted and hollered at the five captured creatures.
"I should believe to call you five 'Bigfoot'," Bud snarled at them, tapping his foot on the ground. The five gasped and glared at him. "As expected. Under the authority of the current head of operations for this highway construction site, I hereby charge you with disrupting the public proceedings of this state-enforced construction project, and will have you held accountable for your actions."
"What?!" the five shouted.
"We be defendin' our homes!" one snapped. "How's that for dis'ruption when you come a blowin' up our lands!?"
"Officer, arrest these five!" Bud snapped his fingers.
A larger man stepped closer. "You have the right to..." he blinked, "Wait, you're not human. I guess you don't have any rights, far as I can tell."
The five sasquatch boo'd and hissed at him. "Yella-Jacket!" one shouted.
"And you will be expected to appear in court for your official trial," the officer stated, his arms folded against his chest.
"Court?" the leader repated. "Oh no," he looked to his accomplishes with trepidation. "Fellas, they want us in some official place!"
"You will be expected to dress formally," the cop continued. The five groaned. "You are expected to arrive on an orderly time," the five moaned in disgust, "And finally, you will shower before arriving in any justice's court!"
"No!" the leader yelled as the others began to bawl. "Shower?! What's this inhuman treatment of your genetic cousins?!"
"Take them away, sir," Bud demanded, waving his hand dismissively to them.
As the fifteen officers lifted up the five Bigfoot and lead them away, the leader turned and snapped to Bud. "This ain't over, you nature-waster!"
"On contraire," Bud sneered, "This is certainly over."
"We will have our homes returned to us!" the leader shouted. "We will our lands given back! We will find proper representation!" he screamed as the doors of the doors of the police cruiser were slammed shut in front of the being's face.
To say that the gang had chosen a middle-of nowhere motel in the swamps seemed 'a bad idea' to Dipper was an understatement. Mabel had assured him that the modern comforts of home could be discovered somewhere in the highly stained and wretched walls and sheets of the rooms they would be staying in. She had attempted to convince him that the lack of any sort of air conditioning was just a blessing in disguise; they could slowly learn to adapt to their new environments. Dipper wouldn't hear it.
Dipper had snapped at her, "You just want to stay at a place that Waddles would be happy to roll around mud by!"
"Well, he is happy," Mabel had replied, smiling as the pink pig did roll around in the muddy earth, giddily snorting and oinking as he did.
Yet the afternoon came and closed fast enough. With the heat and buggy air closing in around them, even Mabel's spirits were draining. The T.V. inside their room was beyond Soos' aid, which to him, meant they were in absolute danger.
"When tech's gone to the point where the power of fixin' it can't be done," Soos explained, "stuff's about to get super real."
To their luck, the only thing super-real that had happened was the expected phone-call. Zander Maximillion, or the Guardsman as his Paths followers called him, was late to communicating with the four. But when he did, it was desperation that the gang answered. Anything new to do or look into would be wonderful.
"The mission!?" Dipper implored.
"How's our familly!?" Mabel called.
"Any news?" Wendy cried.
"Yo!" Soos shouted.
Zander's voice hastily assessed the calls. "Hey guys, and 'yo' Soos. News? Yeah, but it'll have to wait," Zander said in a rushed tone, "Being busy and trying to convey notes don't work well. I'll catch you guys up tomorrow."
"Right, 'cus I want to ask-" Wendy followed up.
"Your family is, last I've heard, fine," Zander cut in. Wendy frowned, but said nothing.
"Oh good. I was afraid they had died or-" Mabel said, but she too was cut in.
"Dipper, sorry to say, I haven't been able to actually fine-point the location of the stone in the area."
"Wait, really?" Dipper whined.
"Yeah. I'll say this though," Zander added, "You're close. I have no idea where to start looking again, but if you want more details, you'll have to catch me tomorrow. I'm kind of swamped right now."
"Hah!" Mabel blurted out. "Us too!"
"Zander, what's going on?" Dipper asked. "You never sound... rushed."
"Just trying to keep the world in one piece," he laughed, "You know, average Wednesday."
"But everything is okay, right?" Mabel asked.
"Can't be sure. I have things to look into. Sorry I couldn't be more helpful. By the way," Zander added, "Any of you had anything weird come up recently?"
Wendy shook, the word weird having lost meaning to her. "Weird?" she chuckled.
Dipper paused before asking Zander, "Weirder than normal?" His eyes lingered by the group; his sister, who shrugged, Soos, who looked around, and Wendy, who shook her head, and Waddles, who sneezed. Without evidence of the overly weird, Dipper guessed, "Eh... no?"
"Good. Let me know if something comes up," Zander said.
"Why?" Dipper quickly asked.
"Not sure. Got a feeling, that's all. Anyway, I'll call tomorrow, hopefully."
"Wait, that's-" Dipper snapped.
"Seeya guys!" Zander's voice called out, and the phone connection died.
To say that the gang went to bed in a huff was an understatement. The night in the area was just as muggy as the day, but the lack of light only confused the brains of three sleepy travelers, who tossed and turned late into the night. Eventually Dipper found himself rest, falling into the sheets he slept atop, refusing to actually cover himself up. It was, after all, far too hot for that stuff.
Somewhere between an infinite time of darkness and comfort and a blink of an eye, Dipper found himself stirring. His skin stuck with the humidity of the air, and his hair felt matted and tangled. He heard movement, and his head tossed itself up. There was a light on in their room, by the window. The top of a head covered with long, straight red hair bobbed barely in view.
Dipper considered calling to Wendy, but looked next to him. Soos was snoring still, and thinking to the other sleeping occupants of the room, Dipper instead decided to stay quiet. He looked at the window, and only just realized that it was early morning, rather than the dead of night. With that comfort, he pulled himself to the side, and stepped onto the dirty carpet floor.
Wendy spun around instantly.
"Hey," Dipper said with a groggy smile.
"Dipper, you should sleep," Wendy said, shuffling to face him in her seat.
"Just woke up," Dipper shrugged, "Can't go back now."
"Sure, you can," Wendy encouraged.
Dipper looked to her as he crept over, his voice still low and quiet. She was staring at him with wide eyes, a look that betrayed her instantly. "Uh... Wendy, did I interrupt something?" he asked cautiously.
Wendy's cheeks rose in a light pink, but she nodded and sighed. Reaching behind her, she slid over a large book bound in thick leather. It was old, ragged, and red and gold. Dipper eyed it, knowing precisely what she was holding.
"Ford's journal?" he asked, "Didn't I put that in my-" he patted his pockets, and found a particularly loud rattling metal missing. Wendy then reached into her newest of jackets- one borrowed from the former NPPP, and withdrew a small pair of keys. She had someone gotten them off him. Dipper asked, more impressed than anything, "How did you even-"
"You all sleep pretty soundly, not even a peep. Well, except Soos. He keeps muttering once in a while," Wendy chuckled, and tossed the keys to Dipper. As he caught them, she blinked rapidly, "Not that I'm watching you guys or anything. That'd be weird and gross. And... sorry," she rubbed her scalp through her hair.
"It's... okay?" Dipper asked. "I think? Like... I'm not even sure what I should be letting you apologize for."
"It's just- ugh- I'm kind of jealous," Wendy sighed.
"Of me?"
"You all," she clarified, "Sleeping."
"Oh. Oh yeah. You can't," Dipper nodded.
"I haven't been this close to people in nearly three years. Watching people stop moving, and remembering what it feels like," Wendy sighed, closing her own eyes for a moment and leaning back, "Having the time to not think... not move... not do anything."
"And here I'd love the chance to never have to sleep again," Dipper acknowledged, "So I could always do stuff."
"Yeah man, it's a mixed curse," Wendy admitted.
"You mean 'blessing'?" Dipper asked.
"Nope. Curse. It's still a curse," Wendy pointedly said.
"Right. So... why were you looking through Grunkle Ford's journal?" Dipper asked, and flipped the cover to find a golden '1'. "That's not even the usual. Number one?"
"Your notes are too... complicated," Wendy sighed, rubbing her eyes, "Stanford had a lot of explaining he had to do, so I can follow his stuff closely. I thought, maybe, I could spot something you hadn't about my, uh, condition, you know?"
Dipper's brain had stalled. "You... you think my work is too complicated?"
"Well, Dipper," Wendy snorted quietly, "You're kind of a genius."
There they were again. Those dang, pesky, fluttering butterflies. Around his heart and stomach, they danced a swaying, numbing route. His head buzzed and his skin prickled, and Dipper was made painfully aware by his own subconscious that he was with Wendy, and no one else was awake. The Wendy he was... was he taller than her? No. Maybe at height. She still looked the same. Same old Wendy.
Those feelings rushed through Dipper in the span of a moment. For in the next, Wendy was talking again.
"I was trying to translate your stuff. I figured after going through all three I don't know how many times; you'd have memorized everything. Maybe if I could do that too, then I could understand your work."
"I... didn't realize how much I left out with my footnotes," Dipper admitted with a shallow swallow, staring at her lips.
"It's okay dude," She sighed, lifting the book to her again, flipping open the pages, "I just had this theory in my head a while ago, and I was looking for evidence."
"Huh?"
"Yeah," Wendy nodded, leaning closer to him, "Me, a theory, right?" she snickered. "But really, it's about Zander."
Dipper was in a daze. There were so many freckles on her face. "Go on," he managed, his lips feeling slow and heavy.
"So, man, if he's really the Guardsman, then Zander's super old, right?" she asked. "I was wondering if Ford had found anything about ancient cultures in the land of Gravity Falls. Turns out, he did," she flipped to a page, riddled with notes, some of which were Dipper's additions, "There were these people- Kalapuya or something," she added with a wave of her hand, "That described a night of 'wailing spirits'."
"Oh yeah?" Dipper said, staring into her eyes. That shade of green just went on forever in her eyes.
"Since that night, the lands that'd become Gravity Falls slowly became, well, they described it as haunted," Wendy said with a sigh, "But I think that they just saw all the weird magical things starting to show up. Guess when that happened?" she asked. "Like, five and a half hundred years ago man!"
"That's a big while," Dipper said, his eyes falling down, eyeing something else entirely. Then he blinked, "I mean – it's a long while."
"Yeah. So, the native people were all about that night of spirits. They said that when they went to look for the screams, all they found was blood and broken trees, but no bodies. Soon afterwards, strange noises and lights came from a distant part of the woods-" Wendy looked into his face, "The area that you guys found that stone."
Dipper blinked, and pulled the journal into his own hands. How had he missed that? Granted, Dipper was someone more interested in the future than the past, but something that important surely had to resonate in his mind. Surely enough, Fords handwriting was all over the page, showing his depictions of the carvings along walls he had found.
"This... I never connected the two," Dipper gasped. He looked up to Wendy. "So, then, what does this have to do with you?"
Wendy paused. "Well, not me. Zander."
Dipper's face stiffened. That touchy topic. Zander Maximillion. That was what the conversation had been about, hadn't it? He nodded still, and said, "So... what?"
Wendy opened her mouth, but instead, the door knocked loudly. Knock, Knock.
"No deal, madam," Soos muttered in his sleep.
The two on the floor whipped their heads to the spot. Someone was out there, easily at five in the morning. The sky still hadn't a fleck of sun in it. Who the heck would be out there?
Dipper stood, followed by Wendy. He turned to her, and motioned to his eyes, as if forcing them open. She nodded, understanding to keep a watch. With his heart racing a hundred beats a second, Dipper turned slowly back, and then wrenched open the door with a curt, "Yes who is it?"
His jaw dropped.
It was a Sasquatch.
"Good day," the being nodded to Dipper, wearing a petite pair of glasses and a tie around his neck of red and gold, "My name is Goland, and I would like to speak to Dipper and Mabel Pines. Would you be one of the two?" he asked kindly, flashing a toothy maw with a smile.
Dipper's eyes were glued open. He couldn't believe it. It was just... A bigfoot. Yeti. Yowie. It's crisp, auburn hair was combed neatly, and as Dipper gave it a quick look over, he realized the thing was wearing pink bunny slippers.
"Ah, yes," he noticed Dipper looking, "I saw them outside a house I passed on the way here. You see, I was under the impression humans appreciated foot-wear, and ties!" he exclaimed, patting the terrible applied wrinkled tie around his neck, "To put the 'best foot forward' as it were. Am I doing a good job?"
Never once leaving his eyes off the creature, Dipper very slowly closed the door.
As soon as he did, he spun around, facing Wendy, who's mouth had also fallen open.
"Guys!" Dipper shouted.
Mabel flipped off her side of the bed, crashing to the floor with a yell. "I live to serve!" she shouted.
Soos shot up, screaming, "I said no way, José!"
"We have a visitor! Get up!" Dipper yelled. Waddles was squealing, running around the cramped room as much as his little legs would let him. "Mabel! Up!" Dipper shouted.
"Getting up, don't be so pushy loser," Mabel grunted, leaping off the floor.
"What's going on?" Soos said, wiping at his eyes with his hands.
"Monster at our doorstep!" Dipper shouted, and swung the door open again, displaying the confused creature. "See?!"
"Hello again," he said with a small wave.
Dipper slammed the door. "Mobilize!"
Mabel rolled to him, and leapt to attention. "Ready for battle," she growled, cracking her knuckles.
"Sorta ready?" Soos asked, grabbing a lamp from the table and lifting it to his side as a baseball bat. As he approached, only then did the cord pull taught, and he was yanked to the ground. "Okay, delayed!"
Wendy patted Dipper's shoulder. "Let's do this."
With the utter confidence of a boy in love, Dipper wrenched open the door and yelled with his sister and crush at the Sasquatch, who leaned back, his eyes open. As they prepared for the battle to come, he stood there, blinking.
"Uh... I may sound a little crude, but am I behind the times?" he asked, "Or have the times been flipped? I was under the impression that mankind already got past the 'attack at first sight' phase."
A voice behind the shocked three prompted attention. "I'm still coming! Trying to figure out the plug-in situation for the lamp!" Soos called out.
"You're not going to attack?" Dipper asked.
The being scoffed, and attempted to adjust his tie. "I would certainly hope not!" he declared, only wrinkling the tie further.
"Then... what do you want?" Dipper asked, lowering his combat stance. Mabel growled; a guard dog ready to bite. "Tone it down, Mabes." Mabel stopped snarling, his still glared daggers at him. "Ease it up." she did, stepping back and crossing her arms. "Okay, yeah."
"Well, perhaps I could step inside?" he asked with a small smile. "I don't really need to, after all, living outdoors," he chuckled, "But I understand that humans are not so used to the elements."
"I battle alongside them," Mabel marked him, but spun and stepped back inside. The creature opened his mouth as if to speak in response to Mabel, and yet could only stare at her.
As she had been carefully observing the massively tall being, Wendy told the bigfoot named Goland, "If you react like that, you're at least sorta normal." She then stepped back, giving room for the creature to enter.
"Got it!" Soos shouted, rushing up behind Dipper. "Oh," he waved to the Sasquatch, "It's a bigfoot. Hello," he smiled to the creature, "So, where's the bad guy?"
"Soos, you can put away the lamp," Dipper told him.
"In the end, it was overcoming myself that mattered most," Soos said wisely, and retreated, placing the lamp back down.
The creature kindly asked, "I'd prefer the title 'Sasquatch', if you don't mind."
Dipper nodded. "Well, I guess you can come in," Dipper said, and stepped aside to allow him in.
"Thank you," the Sasquatch nodded, and bent low to squeeze himself inside. With each step he took, the slippers gave a small squeak.
"Oh my god," Mabel gasped as she sat with Waddles, patting his back, "You have the best slippers." The sasquatch smiled at her.
Dipper, slowly closing the door behind the Sasquatch, asked, "So, uh, why are you here? And how did you know our names?"
The Sasquatch cleared his throat. "Again, my name is Goland. I am a newly appointed legal public defender to my people. I was on my way to assignment, here in the region you humans call 'Louisiana', and was then made aware of a predicament. You see, my people in the area have been arrested."
Wendy shook her head sympathetically. "Yikes. That sucks."
"Yes, and it gets worse. They were arrested for disrupting a construction crew as they de-forested an area. This construction crew seeks to build a 'high-way'," Goland quoted, "And use the land that my kin have lived in for generations. My kin in the lands here fought away the men, only to be roped together and charged as animals. I'm here to stop that, and fight for their rights."
"Man, that sounds familiar," Soos scrubbed his chin, "I swear I've heard that sort of story before."
"So, you're coming to represent you people in this land?" Dipper repeated. Goland the Sasquatch nodded. Dipper narrowed his eyes, still not entirely sold on the story. "So then how did you know about us?"
"Well," Goland scratched his scalp, "I don't like talking about it, but I got a lot of training from experts in the North West."
"Experts?" Mabel asked. "In what?"
"Law," Goland explained, "Particularly in human and other species law."
"Okay, that sounds familiar," Dipper stated.
"There was a land in the state of Oregon," Goland said, "I visited once. By the name of Gravity Falls, I think it was," Goland thought about it hastily, and the gang gasped. Goland hurried along with his story, "And there I met with several fairies. Some of which were kind enough to explain to me how human laws worked."
"You remember Gravity Falls!?" Dipper gasped, approaching the imposingly tall being.
Goland gave Dipper a warm smile. "Why yes, I do. I was there, after all."
"There are a bunch of people out there that remember it," Dipper muttered.
"That means you met with the fairies!" Mabel exclaimed, "Uh, just how long ago was that? Their understanding of our ways kind of changed this summer."
"This was quite long ago. Earlier last year, I'd say. In the spring," Goland explained.
"Oh," Mabel deflated slightly, "Yeah, you may want to check your sources then."
"I appreciate your concern," Goland the Sasquatch sat down on the floor, and was finally able to lean up fully, "But as a legal representative of my kind, I do not have the luxury to check my sources. I heard through the whispers of the wind – oh," he paused, seeing their faces, "that means Fairy-email, basically, that Dipper and Mabel Pines were to be trusted."
Of the things Dipper had expected to come out of their prior interactions with fairies, that had not been one of them. "R-Really?" Dipper gasped.
"We're considered good guys!" Mabel shouted, tugging on her brother's shoulder. "Suck on that, Unicorns!" Mabel shook her fist at the ceiling.
Goland continued to wrinkle his tie. "They regarded you highly in the defense of peace and justice for others, and worked especially hard to preserve the lives of those in need," Goland added on, amused with Mabel's antics.
"Oh," Dipper glanced to her sister, who shrugged, "I guess... they could say that. I mean, if you want to believe that's why... we did those... things."
"So, I come to you, and your friends," Goland gave a courteous nod to both Wendy and Soos, "For your aid. I am under the impression you know of the company which is responsible for these actions. I would like your support in court tomorrow."
"We know the company?" Dipper asked.
Soos darted up and gasped. "It's Weyani-Yuland, isn't it!?" Soos shouted.
"...No," Goland shook his head, cautious to not stir Soos further.
"Oh. Can't be that bad then," Soos shrugged and sat back down.
"It's a company run by a family known as 'Gleeful'," Goland said.
All at once, the atmosphere in the room shriveled. Mabel groaned and wretched. Dipper scowled and clenched his hands into fists. Wendy blew out a puff of a sigh and rolled her eyes. Soos nodded and crossed his arms, saying only, "We are acquainted with those dudes."
"So, Bud moved to Louisiana," Dipper grumbled, "Man, he doesn't waste time."
"Like father like son," Wendy mentioned.
"We'll do it," Mabel decided.
Goland's eyes widened, hope shining true. "Really?!" the Sasquatch gasped.
"Wait! Wait!" Dipper stood up, a hand towards his sister. "Mabel, I want to help too, and anything to get back at the Gleefuls for everything they did to us back in Gravity Falls, but this isn't a bit off our own course?" he asked. Goland's expression, bright and hopeful since he walked in, faded. "Goland, I want to help you. I do. But we have something really important going on."
"Yeah, save the world kind of important," Wendy added.
"Save the world?" the Sasquatch blinked.
"We're looking for these glowing crazy magic rocks called 'Starkissed'," Mabel explained easily, "And they'll help us save the world from being flooded by magic."
Goland looked around, his eyes scanning over each of the four, and even Waddles. After he and the pig had a quick, but intense match of a stare off, he turned to Dipper. "I can promise to have my kin find such a stone."
The twins exclaimed in unison, "Really?!"
"Yes. We are sensitive to energies such as magic," the Sasquatch explained. "We are, after all, magic in nature. We've even begun investigating a recent boon in the stuff – we're not sure where it's come from, but we're happy it's returned," he admitted. "But I can almost certainly guarantee that we could find it for you. It is in the area, right?"
"To our understanding, yeah dude," Soos nodded.
"Then I offer the exchange," Goland leaned forward, extending his humongous hand, "My kin's services for your support."
Dipper smiled and stepped forward. "It's a de-"
"Deal!" Mabel leapt forward and hugged the Sasquatch. As he looked down to her with a hesitancy, Mabel sniffed loudly. "You smell like pine cones and dog breath. Neato!" The two laughed heartily, alleviating the situation. "But no really," Mabel added, dropping pretenses, "Take a shower before you go to court."
The rest of the morning was spent in an excited rush. To compare the previous afternoon with their new ordeal was night and day, almost literally. They now had an objective- one that could easily pull their attention away from the irritating and muggy atmosphere of the bayou.
Dipper was quick to begin his research. As Goland reluctantly did as Mabel suggested and took a shower (by some nearby natural stream), Dipper was hastily digging into the Gleeful Organization. As he quickly discovered, their entire portfolio had changed. No longer did they mention their time spent in Gravity Falls, and instead, they focused on their recent improvements. He was astonished with the amount of effort they put into one thing: American infrastructure. Roads, parks, highways, piping; it was all boring, simple construction that aided the state of the country. Still, Dipper scowled and tried his best to root out more evidence that he may use against the twisted family.
Eventually, he found an address they could use. It wasn't that far away either; in the city the court hearing would be in.
"Maybe we should pay them a visit in person before the court case," Dipper stated as the four prepared for the case hearing.
Mabel smirked. "Maybe we could threaten them to back out."
"I doubt it," Wendy shook her head.
"Yeah. The Gleefuls are sort of like lice, dude," Soos said, "Like, you can comb 'em all you want, but you gotta go with the wash to really get them out, you know?"
"Soos, just how wise are you?" Mabel laughed.
"Heh, I'm not all that wise," Soos shrugged.
Formulating the plan, Dipper asked his sister and friends, "So, we're going to pay these guys a visit? Remind them who they're messing with?" Three nods and an oink from the pig solidified the plan of attack. Dipper sighed, and told them, "Okay. Let's do this," They all left the motel within the next five minutes.
Only pausing to quickly inform Goland of their plan, the four, plus pig, chose Stan's car to drive into town with. Aside from looking just slightly more impressive, the space within the car would not compromise the party involved. "Just don't scuff the leather," Soos asked them softly, "Mister Pines wouldn't have wanted that."
Barely half an hour passed before, In the space of a tall downtown office building, the four and pig made their way into a select floor. Welcomed by a shaky, somewhat jumpy secretary of later age and graying hair, they were led into a large meeting room before being left alone. The interior was warmly decorated, with several windows overlooking the town from their fourth level seat. A pair of warm auburn doors stood away, leaving to supposedly an office of some sort.
"So, did anyone else recognize her from somewhere?" Dipper asked. "I swear I've seen that woman before."
"I vibe you," Soos nodded, staring at the door they entered from. "Maybe she's a doppelganger."
"No," Wendy shook her head, "I'd know."
"How is that, exactly?" Dipper asked.
Wendy gave him a look, and then smirked. "Wraith-senses," she answered coyly. Mabel jolted and shivered. "Uh, you okay?" Wendy asked to Mabel, "Talking about my stuff gives you... shivers?"
"No," Mabel shook her head and cracked her neck, "I just got... a feeling."
"Not you too," Dipper grumbled, "Just say what."
Mabel turned and looked him dead in the eye. "The last time I got heebee-jeebees this bad, it was when we last saw-" The auburn double-doors swung open, and with a cry of southern twang and excitement, a voice shouted to them. Specifically, to Mabel. She grumbled, facing away from the door as the figure stepped out, "Gideon."
"Mabel Pines!" the teenager with hair as large as his head declared.
As Mabel turned about, the four (and now scared Waddles) got a look at the aged enemy of the past. Gideon was still short for his age, but only by several inches. His already large frame had filled out. Large arms and a barrel chest displayed a more physically matured and developed human being, if he deserved to be considered human. Pastel blue suit, and well-groomed attire, his image was complete. His seedy dark eyes bore at them in his false excitement.
"Well now, this is just a wonderful blast from the past!" he cried out, holding a hand to his stomach as he laughed, quickly approaching Mabel. "Just look at you! Mabel Pines!" Mabel burped at him. "Oho! You haven't changed yet, my little angel-cake."
"Do not refer to me as food," Mabel glared at him, speaking in tones Dipper, let alone the others, hadn't heard in a very long time.
"Oh, but I could just eat you up! You've blossomed quite a bit since we've last spoken, haven't you!"
"Gideon!" Dipper barked.
Gideon's attempts to appease to Mabel shifted away, and he looked to Dipper, a greasy, uncaring stare presented for her brother. "Yes, Dipper. I see you're still around. Quite a feat."
"We're here for business," Dipper continued.
"Truly," Gideon sighed, and turned back to Mabel, "But I think we ought have that conversation another time. Miss Pines and I have so much to catch up on."
"Save it, sick-one," Wendy grumbled.
Gideon glared at her, and finally sighed. "Fine, fine," he then leaned towards Mabel and whispered, "We'll catch up later, sweet-potato." Mabel made a motion to vomit, but Gideon had already turned away, giving an air of superiority as he swept to a chair at the end of his table. "You will all understand when I say that I have important matters to attend, so I'll make my questions quick."
"Fine," Dipper grumbled as they sat in chairs distant from him.
"First of all," Gideon smiled to Mabel, "Can we swap numbers?"
"No!" Mabel snapped.
"Maybe on our next date," Gideon giggled.
Soos shook his head, and firmly stated, "Dawg, you gotta chill on the advances. I don't even know ladies that well and I'm feeling a little forced here."
"Can it, handyman," Gideon snapped at him. "Now, last question."
"Better not be about my sister," Dipper growled.
"How is my sweet, innocent town doing?" he asked.
The four stared at him. Yet it was Mabel who spoke fastest. "You mean Gravity Falls?"
"So apt! Of course, I do, sweet-pea," Gideon chuckled.
"You mean you remember?" Wendy leaned in, staring at Gideon as if seeing him for the first time- sprayed and greased up hair and all.
"Of course, I do," Gideon rolled his eyes at Wendy, "One does not simply forget their homestead, even if they were kicked out forcibly with some misunderstandings," he said, giving Dipper a particularly nasty look.
"The 'misunderstanding' meaning siding with Bill Cipher in attempts to take over the world by-"
"Semantics!" Gideon laughed.
"That's what you call semantics?" Dipper asked, his mouth agape.
Adjusting himself to his best image, Gideon explained away, "What really matters is that the people were angry, saw me as partially responsible, along with my family, and promptly removed us. And I admit to a certain fault."
The twins both raised their eyebrows. Wendy scoffed. "Really?" she asked.
"Yes. I, as I have been in the past, am prone to, er, how does one put it politely," he scratched his large cheek, chuckling worriedly.
"A huge, power-hungry jerk," Mabel bluntly put it.
"Why Mabel, you cut me to the quick," Gideon battered his eyelashes at her, "It's why I admire you so."
Mabel grumbled, "Doubt it."
"We can chat more on that topic later. How about tonight at six?" Gideon winked at her. Mabel groaned, and let her head fall to the table with a loud 'bang'. Gideon laughed, "Always so dramatic. Adorable. But please, how is Gravity Falls? I do miss the forests sometimes."
"Gravity Falls..." Dipper looked to the others. In his mind there was some unspoken rule about what had happened a week ago. Had it been made an official rule or not was difficult to say the least, but his conviction was solid- they were better off not talking about it. There was still too much pain in the past, and if they didn't keep moving forward, surely there would be pain in the future. Against his better wishes though, Dipper gritted his teeth and answered. "Gravity Falls is gone."
"Hah," Gideon rolled his eyes, "Please, Dipper. Drama only suits your lovely sister. How does my town fair?"
"First of all, Gideon," Mabel snapped up, "You're right."
Gideon gasped, a hand on his chest. "I am?" he asked of Mabel, his eyelids a flutter.
"Dipper's horrible at drama. It's why he's telling the truth," Mabel said somberly. "Gravity Falls no longer is around."
Gideon's touched expression twisted into an uncertain look of study. He was watching the twins, observing their every move and twitch. "No," he giggled, "You're just teasing me," he tried suggesting. When the twins looked away, their faces darkening, he looked to Wendy and Soos, "right?" he asked them.
"Maybe you should check yourself," Wendy suggested with a snap in her voice.
"Another, uh, time," Gideon leaned into the back of his chair, nervously looking to the four before him. "While your answer is, well honestly, disturbing, I have a pressing matter presently to attend to. Today, actually. So, I'd much rather answer what questions you have, my friends."
Soos chuckled. "Well, dawg, That's what we're here about, actually. We're here to stop you from going to court."
Gideon leaned forward, his gaze icing over. "Come again?"
"Gideon, look," Mabel leaned closer, her eyes as steely as they could become, "We know what's going on with the Sasquatch people. That your company is all trying to tear down the forest to better make for a highway. Bing poop-head jerks. Usual stuff. But you can't force them to leave!" Mabel exclaimed.
"Oh dear," Gideon shrunk back into his seat, "I am sorry to tell you this Mabel," he said, and then looked to Dipper, and then snapped out at him, "So I'll tell your good for nothing brother! I will not rescind my case in court!"
Dipper, eagerly glaring back, barked, "Why not!?"
With a toothy grin, Gideon stated, "Because it's public appeal."
"What are you talking about?" Dipper asked.
"I won't be a company man forever," Gideon explained, leaning comfortably in his chair, "I already left one business for another. Showbiz for company-life. Both are good at scamming people, but in the end, the real power is in the government. Having people know you're there to rely on gives you public appeal, and that's votes."
Exhausted with the political agenda, Dipper sighed. He informed the man before him, "Gideon, you're too young to run for any office."
"Maybe currently," Gideon sneered, "But give it some time. Years, even. Why, in just a few years, look at me already!" he waved his hands around, "I'm not even sixteen and I've already got an office! Now that's spiffy!" he chuckled, and leaned forward, his expression becoming stony. "But once people trust the name Gleeful, they'll want me to represent them. Once they follow me, I could become among the youngest in office. Imagine that," he smiled, closing his eyes, "Gideon Gleeful for president."
"I'd sooner take a wig," Mabel stuck out her tongue.
Eyes sparkling, Gideon told her, "But you could be the first lady."
"Gideon, no one would ever vote for you," Dipper remarked coldly.
Charmed with the vitriol, Gideon leered at Dipper, "Oho, such bold words coming from the town hero," Gideon snapped back, "I assume you have something to base this off of."
"I do. Your personal history," Dipper snarled. "You, and your family, have taken every opportunity to scam, cheat, and lie your way into power. All it would take is for someone to look up your personal history, and see–"
"Oh, what," Gideon rolled his eyes, "The twelve year old in a bum-hick town got arrested for some ludicrous charge, and then left town? Please," Gideon slid back, and stood up, "Your threats are as idle and unkempt as your hair."
Mabel pointed at him, "You take that back!"
"Yeah!" Wendy stood up, "Dipper's hair is fine!"
"I'd love to stay and chat," Gideon said, looking specifically at Mabel, and then turning to the others, "But I have the court case to go to. You may attend if you want, I frankly don't care. But do yourself a favor," Gideon said quietly, his eyes locking onto theirs, "Don't get in my ever way again. Now thanks for coming," he said, and clapped his hands, "Mother!"
The doors that lead into the meeting room were slammed open as the same shaky, jumpy woman of older age bounded in, holding open the doors.
"Thank you, mother dearest," Gideon smiled to her quickly. "Now thank you. Be sure to pick up a complimentary brochure on the way out!"
"I'll complimentary your brochure!" Mabel snarled, and lead the way out with Waddles close on her heels.
Fifteen minutes later, they were walking up the stairs of the courthouse. Dipper, next to Mabel, still grinned. "Really? 'Complimentary your brochure'?" he asked her.
"It was Gideon, I'm off my game around him," Mabel pouted as they passed by clusters of locals, eager to step inside.
With a roll of her eyes, Wendy pointed out, "At least she just didn't hiss, groan, or snarl the whole way out. Unlike some other people we've had to deal with repeatedly."
Soos declared, "Or shiver! That was Waddle's thing. Poor guy was practically shaking the entire time."
Mabel grumbled. "I was too. Just not in fear," Mabel admitted, getting out a quick shiver. "Ugh. He's just as icky as ever."
Stepping into a hall, Dipper smiled to her. "Well, at least we've got leverage over him. With all the past evidence piled against him, there's no conceivable way that the public appeal for Gideon Gleeful has risen to the same–" he stepped inside the courtroom with the gang, and gasped.
The entire, filled to the grim, rows behind the Plaintiff were covered with buttons and signs of blue and white. The older, much more refined and less chubby face of Gideon Gleeful resonated off shirts, jackets, and pins. To their left, on the defendant side, maybe fifteen people sat down, versus the near hundred or so to their right.
With a heavy sigh, Soos reminded Dipper quietly, "Never underestimate charm, dude."
"I can't even... really?" Dipper gasped.
"Some things never change," Wendy grumbled, "He's as popular with the masses as he was before you two showed up back home."
Mabel and Dipper then spotted a figure across the room, by a table on the Defendant's side. Covered head to toe with hair, Goland the Sasquatch sat in a chair much too small for him, and to his left were five others. It was only then that the twins realized that those in the Defendant's side were there to ogle and stare at the creatures.
"Ah!" Goland called, turning slightly to spy at the door, and spotting the four plus pig, "You've come! I'm glad to see that!"
"We made a promise," Mabel cheerfully approached him with a small skip in her step.
Looking around, Dipper mentioned to the defendant, "You've drawn quite a crowd."
"Yes," Goland the Sasquatch defender acknowledged, looking a tiny bit frightened, "Though, to be honest, I'm certain that the crowd behind you all is more excited for the Plaintiff's appearance."
Sarcasm brimming in his tone, Dipper grumbled, "Of course. People would be more excited to see a celebrity than a monst- I mean," Dipper cleared his throat, "A being not recorded by science yet."
Goland hadn't heard Dipper's near slip up. "However, I appreciate your support. As do my represented," he turned and indicated the five, all handcuffed and shackled.
The closest to them called over, a heavy hick twang in his voice, "We're here 'cus of great injustices!"
Mabel commented, "That's Gideon in a nutshell."
"Nice," Wendy smirked, and high-fived her.
"Well, I guess if you need character testimony," Dipper said, putting hands in his pockets, "We'll be behind."
"Literally behind you," Mabel added with a grin.
Goland gave them a watery-eyed smile. "Thank you again, you four. And your pig. He's cute," Goland added with a look to the swine below him. Waddles gave him a small snort, and strutted next to Mabel.
The four had barely just seated themselves when the doors opened again, and none other than Gideon Gleeful, flanked by his father, strode into the room. His father was adjusting a series of notes and folders and reminding him of small, quick notes. Otherwise, Gideon was currently ignoring his father. He focused on the now screaming, shrieking crowds next to him, all turned and excited to be as close to Gideon as they could be.
Passing by the twins with a wink towards Mabel (which she returned with a loud raspberry), Gideon and Bud Gleeful took their seat on the tables adjacent to one another. As he did, a courtly judge walked out from a doorway, stepping into the room as fast as someone with enough wrinkles on his face to be nearing triple digits in age could. All rose in the courtroom as a police officer called out his name.
"Be seated," he called out, his voice raspy and filled with southern bayou. "This court of Gleeful versus Bigfoot shall now commence."
"That's racist!" one of the Sasquatch cried out.
"Bigfoot is a crude misnomer from humans!"
"Derogatory!"
The gavel was cracked down. The judge shouted, "Order! You shall refrain from your chatter, or I'll send ya'll back into the cells from which you were retrieved." The shouting Sasquatches grumbled, but did as told. "I advise against such behavior in the future, ya'll." As he re-adjusted his seat, the Judge then turned to the head of the Sasquatches, Goland. "How do your fellows plead?"
Goland stood up. "They plead to return to their homes, your honor."
"Be specific," the judge said to the defendant.
Goland blinked. "Was I not?"
"And refrain from using an attitude with me!" the Judge snapped.
"I wasn't using-" Goland assured.
Dipper leaned in hastily, and whispered to him, "He wants to know if you all believe if you are guilty or not."
"Oh," Goland nodded, "Not guilty."
"Very well," he turned to Gideon, "The Prosecution may now proceed."
Goland stood up. "I object!"
The judge stared at him. "Pardon?"
"These five are innocent! You cannot proceed with prosecution until evidence is-"
"Sir!" the Judge banged his gavel, "You will restrain yourself in my court! The order of procedure allows the prosecutor to speak on his behalf to the court at large!"
Mabel assured him, "He's saying that Gideon get's a chance to talk, that's all."
"Oh," Goland nodded, and slowly sat back down, "Never mind then."
The judge turned back to Gideon and nodded. Gideon stood, and said, "Yhank you, your esteemed honor."
Mabel groaned, "Sleeeeeeze."
Gideon stepped out into the light before the crowd. Dipper looked to the table, where Bud Gleeful stared at his son, observing. "He's representing himself," Dipper gasped. "Is that legal?"
"Probably not," Soos guessed.
"Ladies and gentlemen," Gideon called aloud, "Ya'll know me. I know ya'll. I'm Gideon Gleeful, kind soul and lover of human generosity," he explained, and his side of the room went wild. "Naw, don't be shouting and hootin' already," he giggled, "We're here to settle a discrepancy between these un-neighborly sorts."
"Objection!" Goland stood up.
"Sit down!" the judge shouted at Goland.
"But he is disrespecting my clients!" the Defending sasquatch whimpered.
"Your honor," Gideon turned to the Judge, "Clearly this fella don't know how our court systems work. Maybe his clients ought to represent themselves?"
"Not a bad idea, mister Gleeful," the judge nodded, and stared down at the deflating Sasquatch. "Do you have any accreditation to your title as representative?"
"Ah... any what?" he asked.
"They want to know if you have a certificate!" Dipper snapped aloud.
"Oh!" Goland chuckled. "No."
"What?!" Dipper reached out and pulled the figure back, "You don't have a certificate!?"
The Sasquatch, growing heated in frustration, darkly whispered at the twins, "Look, humans may be all about tearing up trees for paper to write silly things on, but we have to carve out things on rocks. They're heavy! And I was in a hurry to arrive here. So, no," he turned back to the judge, "I don't have this 'accreditation'."
"Your honor," Gideon pleaded to the older man, "This fella is taking us for fools. This is supposed to be a serious case, about a serious topic. Surely this kind of figure deserves to be removed!"
"What?!" the twins gasped.
"I'm finding myself quite in agreement," the Judge grumbled.
"But he's there only representation!" Wendy called out, "You can't just remove someone from court because they're unfamiliar with stupid policies!"
"Young lady, restrain yourself," the judge warned.
"Look ya'll," Gideon turned to the crowds, "This man and his friends aren't taking our time seriously. I mean, look at that tie!" he exclaimed, and pointed to the wrinkled and messy tie on Goland's neck. The sasquatch fell into his seat, crestfallen. Gideon, to the crowd at large, declared, "This is a matter that deserves dignity and respect for courtly matters, like, well, myself!"
The crowd cheered.
"Very well. As far as I am concerned," the judge sniffed loudly, "Unless there is another who will aid this 'thing' before me-"
"THAT'S IT!"
The crowd fell quiet and the judge leaned back. Gideon's face went pale as a brunette woman stormed past her brother, fists clenched as she marched out of the benches, down the aisle, past the cowering defendant, and right up to Gideon. Mabel, right in his face, scowled as if he had said something mean to her pig.
"You're not doing this again, Gideon," she warned him, "Not on my watch! No more playing people for the cute and innocent crud! I won't fall for it, or any other trick you got!"
"Madam, you will seat yourself or else be removed from my court!" the judge hammered his gavel.
Mabel spun onto him, a finger out. "CAN IT, WRINKLE-FACE!" she shouted. The judge cowed back; his eyes as wide as his mouth dropped. "I'm a united states senator, so I outrank anything you got, buster!" She turned to Gideon, "If you want some proper representation, you got some!"
"Mabel, sweetums," Gideon pleaded, daring to approach her, "Whatever do you mean?"
"I mean I'm taking over for the Sasquatches! And by the way," she addressed the shocked judge, "Don't call them Bigfoot! That's a derogatory term to them!" Behind Mabel, the five court-held Sasquatches cried out and hollered in applause.
"Mabel, dearest," Gideon laughed, "You don't know a thing about court cases! And what was that earlier about being a senator?" he asked, squinting at her.
"As an appointed United States Senator by President Quinton Trembley," Mabel declared aloud, "I will be partnering with Goland the Sasquatch public representative, and assist in aiding the Sasquatches in their legal hearings!"
"Wow," Soos stroked his chin, "That took a really dramatic and unexpected turn."
"Soos, shh," Wendy said quietly, "I'm watching Gideon grow nervous. It's really funny to watch. Right, Dipp-" she turned to the boy. Only, his seat was gone.
"Hey," Dipper said, now behind Mabel, "Gideon's right. You don't know a thing about court cases."
"Oh, you can't be serious," She gasped at him. "You're siding with Gideon?"
"I'm a little shocked myself," Gideon added, "But you were the one always more likely to go dark side, weren't you?"
"Shut it, Gideon," Dipper scowled, "No. Mabel, you want to really help these guys?" Dipper said, looking to the six helpless looking creatures in a human's world. Mabel nodded and stood firm. "Then you'll do it with your brother. Senator or not, I'm helping you out now."
"Yay!" Mabel cheered, and wrapped her arms around his neck.
"After all, you really don't have a clue how this works," Dipper snorted, "Someone's gotta be there to keep you straight."
"Shut up," Mabel laughed at him, and the two hugged.
After a moment, Soos stood up. "Should I declare myself official representative handyman?" he called. "You know, in case you need to repair something in court officially?"
"No, no, we're good Soos," Mabel waved him down.
"Okay," he said, and quickly sat down.
Lil' Gideon grew up. Sasquatches defend their rights. Mabel finally get's to use her profession. Soos has some weird dreams. Man, a lot was happening here, wasn't it? Any guesses how this will continue? Wrap up? I love your theories! :D
So, this week got really bad for me and writing. I don't know if you guys noticed (because I did) but I had no time to really get back to people with your reviews. Do I feel bad? ... YES. :'( You all have been following, favoriting, and reviewing this story, and I can't tell you how much I appreciate the loving feedback. Seriously, don't be discouraged just because I'm a lame-o who can't get back to you. I see what you guys say to me, even if it's just an hour ago. (which... yeah... it was...) and I always appreciate it.
Anyway, seeya guys next-
(A giant Gavel slams down onto EZB.)
Giant Judge: ORDER IN THE COURT. THIS IS MY SECOND TIME ACCIDENTALLY FLATTENING THE AUTHOR. WHAT ARE THE ODDS?