The Return to Gravity Falls

by EZB

Mabel and Dipper return to Gravity Falls three years after their life-altering summer vacation spent with their Grunkle Stan, to find that Gravity Falls never stops being, well, weird. As the twins encounter old friends and reconnect with the supernatural inhabitants of Gravity Falls, new dangers lurk just outside of the knowledge of Uncle Stanfords old journals.

80. Ye Olde Fair-Wells: Part 1

"Hear ye! Hear ye! Tork an' Nellys' Pork belly meat and breadshop are open! Come ye all noblepersons who doth wish to sample-"

"Do your eyes deceive you!? No! Come to the only true one-of-a-kind animal on earth like this! Mina, the last–"

"Drinks and Dranks, by Binks and Drake! Ice cold beverages for you knights and squires! As cold as the stoney death!"

The buzz and clatter of the Fair was enveloping. To say that the people who worked at a renaissance fair were odd was a mild understatement. Yet they certainly made a heck of a show of their flair. People in costumes, ranging from the times of post Roman empire all the way to the ending days of the over-arching European Renaissance, stalked the open alleys in the woods in the south of the Americas. Even in the blistering heat and swampy atmosphere, people came in summer, equipped with cameras and wads of cash to be enticed to buy and trade in the strangest of places.

Under the shadow of the large trees above, a line of folks stretched towards a large tent, past an even larger recently constructed cage. In the line, near the front and next to the currently massive animal in her cage, a young lady with short black that barely was long enough to be tied into a pointed ponytail stared at the wooly creature.

The animal was currently drinking from a large fountain. A man with balding black hair washed her side with a hose of gentle current. "There, there," he patted her as she drank heavily form the water before her, "We'll get back to the northern states soon enough. We're done after today."

The animal, some sort of small, hairy elephant, gave his head an appreciative rub with her hairy trunk.

The man chuckled. "I know the south and wooly animals don't usually mix."

The girl across the fence snorted, catching the man's eyes. Barely under her breath, she muttered, "Tell that to Sasquatches."

"Pardon?" he pointedly asked.

"Didn't say anything," she bit back, her brown eyes squinted at the man as he looked over to her. To the young lady's shock, the huge creature turned and blasted her trumpet towards her. She stumbled back, keeping her footing.

The balding man chuckled. "I think she did hear you," the man chuckled, patting the wooly elephant like creature. "Mina hears all sorts of things."

The girl adjusted her light t-shirt, and yellow jacket that she had tied around her hips. "Whatever."

From inside the large tent, a voice called out to the next in line. "Miss Jones!"

Not skipping a beat while locking her eyes onto the large animal, the girl in the line walked forward. She was nearly an adult based on height and voice alone, but her eyes held a darkness that only experience could teach. By the entrance of the tent, many older men and the occasional tough looking women stared at her, all much older than she. In comparison, this younger lady was a twig to their thicker, more trained bodies. Yet those by the flaps that gave entry stood aside, making sure to not barricade her movement.

Wearing thick, heavy boots that clopped with each step and rough, heavily torn jeans, the woman identified as 'Jones' stepped inside the large tent. A series of landing mats, used for combat practices had been arranged and set up to cover most of the floor. Beyond them, a pair of long tables had been pulled together, and five figures sat across them, awaiting the woman's approach. Once she stopped on the other side of the mats, she crossed her arms and stared.

"Caroline Jones," the first, a portly man with curly brown hair began.

"It's-" she groaned, "Yes. Whatever."

"Is there a problem?" a pale woman with sharp eyes and black hair asked.

"No," the girl before them stated.

Eying one of his fellows, a portly man adjusted a paper before him. He appeared to be one of the organizers for the event, dressed in a semi-casual attire. He said to Miss Jones, "Well, first of all, we wished you would have stated your previous training. This was supposed to be try-outs for those with little to no experience."

She replied very quickly with, "I know," like she had already accounted for this response.

"Which, being fight masters, young lady," the man continued, his eye fixing on her with a critical stare, "We are aware of your skill. You're not a natural – you've had classes before."

"At least two years' worth of classes," another, a thin man with warm, lighter brown skin added, "If not more. Pretty substantial."

Miss Jones, blunt as a hammer, asked, "You're saying I'm disqualified?". Her voice carried a flex of frustration.

"Not at all," the thin man stated.

The portly man cleared his throat as he lifted a sheet to his eyes, "But not putting any official training on the form," and he adjusted classes to his nose, "Was something of a misdeed. If we had known of your previous classes-"

"I didn't lie," she grumbled, her arms straightening from her chest to down her side, rigid and tense.

"Please, Miss Jones," the woman with sharp eyes snorted, "We can tell you're not being perfectly honest."

Miss Jones grinned as her eyes squinted. This challenge was not something she was going to back away from. "On the battle-classes signup sheet, you specifically asked for any official training or classes we have taken over the past five years. I didn't put anything down because I have never taken classes about any of this before."

"Caroli-"

She turned to the figure on the end of the table, an older lady with a bored look. "And you can please pronounce my name right. I wrote it down on the sheet for you." She whipped back to the central man, "Everything you saw today? Self-taught."

The air under the large canvas grew thick with tension. The five on the table stared with a startled and disapproving apprehension. The woman who stared back sighed heavily, and shook her head.

Miss Jones, feeling the tides turning, shifted in her spotlight. "Look," she stated after a long pause, "Am I disqualified? I need to know. The next bus leaves in an hour."

"Not yet," the man in the center stood up in his seat slightly, his eyes locked onto hers, "But you need to know three things first of all. Firstly, if you are serious about joining our choreography association, you need to improve your attitude," he noted, "We could have just as easily threw you out."

"Fine," she nodded, and quietly added, "Sorry."

"Second," he continued, looking to the page, "You need to more forthwith with us. While you may be honest with your background, you clearly have significant skill. Mastering a twenty-move choreography in an hour is very impressive, even for veteran students."

The tightly locked jaw of the woman before them loosened. With a hint of surprise, she said, "Thanks."

"And thirdly," he said, "You will need to get your parents permission. We cannot technically hire you without parental consent until you are twenty one."

The girls face shadowed. "Oh. But, I'm an adult," she reminded them, "I'm eighteen."

"Maybe legally," the skinny man nodded, "But you need to understand- mentally, you're not quite done yet. Twenty-one is even a stretch, but it's the age we all are comfortable having someone sign for their own."

The girl slowly nodded. That darkness that had evaporated with their genuine compliments returned. "Right," she muttered, "I'll, uh, get them to sign them. It may take a while. They're, well, kind of slow these days."

"As long as we receive it within the next two days," the man smiled to her, "It won't be a-"

From the din of shouts and calls in the outdoors, a loud cry of panic came echoing in. The five in their seats craned their heads towards the flaps of the canvas, eyes straining to see through the bright lights of the southern sunlight.

Miss Jones however made no hesitation. As soon as the screams flooded in, she was gone. Rushing towards the entrance, she stepped outside. She nearly ran into fleeing people, all crying about.

"What is it?!" people demanded.

"Who's that?" others cried.

The monstrous, wooly elephant was among those who had stepped away from a figure. In the center of a crowd of people (both tourists and workers), a figured covered head to toe in thick, metal armor stood up. As she saw him, the figure finished lowering the helmet to it's shoulders, giving it a brief twist for balance checking.

Then it turned and gazed at her; at Miss Jones. The girl by the tent gasped and nearly fell back.

Glowing yellow eyes peered out at her from under the darkness of the helmet. In the shadow of the helmet, she saw no face to fit those eyes.

Fight. Flight. Questions. Old Answers. Her mind flew into a flurry of noise that had nothing to do with the crowd around her. Instead, she glanced over to a stand of blunted weapons she had used not an hour earlier to audition with, and grasped a longsword with her hands.

"What're you doing!?" a man nearby demanded of her as she stood up with the longsword, and turned to find the armored figure gone. She craned her neck, desperately looking for signs of the being's movement. When she found none, she looked to the man, and tossed the sword back to the table unceremoniously. It clanged and rattled loudly against the other metals.

"Nothing," she grumbled. When the man stared too long, she snapped, "You got a problem!?" He yelped and jogged off.

With a heavy look to the sky, the auditioned woman shook her head. "More spirits. Always something new under the stars and sun," she then lifted from under her shirt a small necklace. A small metal paw-print belonging to cat was held in her hand. "Guess it doesn't matter where I go now, right?" she asked the paw print necklace. "If that's the case," she smirked, "This spirit is going to see what happens when you mess with this girl."

---

Driving through night and morning was no easy task, especially since the night before you had just battled a small army of cultists and their magic-casting leader. Coupled that with two weeks' worth of constant traveling, and Dipper was exhausted. The bags under his eyes had grown even darker and deeper, and his vision occasionally blurred. The energy drinks and water provided to him caringly by Mabel had helped, and she in turn had taken to keeping him awake by singing her songs. They were, at least, stimulating.

As the noon light came to beam down, the car slowly fell silent of song. Mabel was drifting herself, having had to battle, as she claimed, thirty cultists backed by Soos. "Defending Waddles was hard work," she had yawned once before resting her head against the window.

To accommodate her resting, Dipper took to re-adjusting the mirror every five minutes. After all, he was still missing his driver side mirror, and a whole lot of cracked glass disgruntled him each time he turned to the left.

Then, without warning-

"Dipper!"

He gasped and shouted. "What!?"

"PULL OVER!" Mabel yelled.

With a screeching of tires and flash of his life before his eyes, Dipper steered his car nearly off the road and into a gulch. As he breathed frantically, he turned to his side, staring at his sister.

"What's going on?!" Dipper Pines demanded, only to receive a clatter of movement. Mabel scrambled out of her seat and out of the car rapidly. Worried now for her safety, Dipper followed suit, only briefly checking to make sure Soos and Wendy, behind him, had parked safely. As they got out of their car and bike, Dipper followed suit, coming to Mabel's side in moments. "Are you okay? Did something bad happen?"

Out from the old, red dragster, Soos asked, "Everything okay, hambone?" as he and Waddles rushed over.

"What happened?" Wendy asked Dipper as she darted over.

"I don't know," Dipper shrugged and shook his head. "We were chilling, listening to the radio and-" he pointed to his sister, who had taken to leaning over and heaving by the gulch. "Mabel," Dipper approached quickly, "What's up?"

"Dipper," she said quietly, her eyes glued ahead, "Do you remember your long list of places you wanted to go to?"

"Sure. Knocked one off the list this summer," he shrugged.

"Do you remember mine?" Mabel asked.

"Uh," Dipper blinked, and recalled, "If I recall, we hit most of those just by having parents who wanted to please us, like Disney World and-"

"No, no!" Mabel shook her head, and grabbed his own face, smooshing it against her own, and forcing him to look ahead, "In my reserve lists. What was number one in the 'Mabel will go when older' list?"

Dipper blinked, still looking towards her, and finally stared ahead. A line of trees and bushes obscured the distant view, but his eyesight finally caught up with him. In the distant, a din of crowds and calls of vendors blasted the air, and he finally saw what she had freaked out about.

"The Renaissance fair?!" Dipper snapped.

"YES!" Mabel hollared, leaping up and knocking Dipper over. "THE ONE AND ONLY RENAISSANCE FAIR!"

"Ow," Dipper said, lying on his back.

Aiding Dipper to his feet, Wendy asked around, "Wait, Mabel wants to go to the place where people pretend that buying a leg of turkey is worth twelve dollars?"

"Hah, that's something Mister Pines tried a few years ago," Soos admitted, "It worked great, you know, until someone found out that it was actually possum wrapped around a deer bone."

"I'm also going to point out that there's easily a Renaissance Fair in each state," Dipper grumbled. "So, 'one and only' is kind of off."

"Quiet!" Mabel barked. "This is my moment! MY MOMENT!" she yelled, and took three long breathes, inhaling the air around her with blissful acceptance.

"Man," Wendy marveled at Mabel as she spoke to the boys, "she's really eating it up."

Eager to help with context, Dipper explained, "Well, back when Mabel made her lists, I pointed out that we couldn't have a full experience if we went to certain things as we were – kids. But that only forced Mabel to make three new lists," Dipper sighed, "For things she had to do at certain ages. It was one of the few times her organization rivaled mine."

"Question," Soos raised his hand, "I don't know what a Renaissance fair is."

"That's not a question," Dipper pointed out.

Wendy rolled her eyes and said, "It's a fair that have people dress like their five hundred years old or-"

Mabel heard her calling, and bull-rushed between them, her arms sweeping out in majestic recognition. With her best story-telling voice, she explained the whole thing.

"Oh, 'tis a magical place, where simple folk of today's day and age may experience to royalty of the past. To be a knight! A prince! A queen!"

"In that order," Wendy snickered, and Dipper chuckled with her.

Mabel continued, "To know that chivalry really isn't dead, and that princesses can still wear huge poofy dresses and be bowed to by street-goers-"

"Wow," Soos butted in, "Sounds really fancy."

"DOESN'T IT?!" Mabel shrieked.

"And admittance is only twenty-five dollars or something," Dipper said, rolling his eyes, "Not to mention drinks, food, and all merchandise is heck expensive."

"So, it's like the Mystery Manor went back and time and became a fair?" Soos asked.

Visualizing the proposed scenario, Dipper struggled to say, "Uhh, I guess?"

Soos, with the most serious of expressions, stared at Wendy and Dipper. He looked like he was signing up for war when he told them, "I wanna go."

"We will go," Mabel grinned.

"Wait, wait," Dipper held out his hands, "We're on a mission now. This is going to be a side-track that will put us behind schedule. Graupner was beaten back, and if we stay in one place too long, he could catch up."

"Dipper, c'mon!" Mabel whined, "This is something I have always wanted to do! Soos is super excited!" she remarked, and Soos gave a thumbs up, "And Wendy is so chill that she'd be okay with it!" Mabel also remarked.

To Mabel's own admittance, Wendy shrugged. "Heh, she's not wrong," she admitted.

"Mabel," Dipper growled.

"And besides," Mabel patted his shoulder, her voice stabilizing, "Zander and the Paths took out those goons from before. Graupner won't be able to come at us for a bit now. Don't we deserve just a small break? Like for an hour?"

Dipper stared at his sister, once again at the mercy of the one person in his life he had by his side. Together, in the past two weeks, they had battled monsters, warriors, courtrooms, and warlocks. Yet Dipper found the hardest battle was saying no to Mabel when she had that look. He was smart enough to know that she would not let this down. Sure, he could promise to go to the next one they come across, but Mabel would not let this go. Besides, according to Zander, they had unlimited funds. Heck, Mabel had already blow ten grand on a restaurant before; why not test it out a bit? Still... even an hour could be dangerous.

A loud snort called to his attention. He snorted. "Well, how about you Waddles? What do you want? Go or stay?" he asked the pink pig.

Waddles moved towards Mabel, nudging his nose against her ankle.

"Well, if that isn't siding with her, I don't know what is," Dipper sighed. "Okay, we can go."

"YEEESSSSS!" Mabel roared.

"But only for an hour," Dipper reminded her. "Besides, it'll be a good change of pace. Not driving all day again."

"And all night," Soos yawned, "Besides, my knuckles still hurt from all the dudes I wrecked."

Following signs to the Fair was no hard task. Every five hundred feet or so there was a new, old-fashioned wooden sign that gave a reminder of how far your 'Wagon or carriage' must go before turning. The more signs she saw, the bouncier and more uncontainable Mabel became. Her seatbelt became an enemy of hers as each time she saw one, she would lunge out to get a better view, and the strap holding her would pull tight, choking her briefly. Dipper merely watched a laughed, amused and pleased with her truly characteristic childlike wonder and awe.

Entering a line of cars that was nearly twenty minutes of stop and go speed, and finally escaping the terrible traffic, the three vehicles parked on a grassy field that overlooked the clustered forest of tall trees. While the bustle of voices and bright fabrics of many flags called to Mabel, Dipper grumbled and tried his best to not run over un-observant visitors. It was certainly a little chaotic.

"There it is!" Mabel cried a minute later as the four plus pig began to walk towards a series of wooden and painted walls resembling a castle wall loomed into view. "The gates to the kingdom of the past!"

"Literally," Soos nodded. A group of men wearing kilts passed by, and Soos gasped. "Woah. Scandalous."

Wendy told him, "Soos, those are kilts."

"They are killing it," Soos replied, misunderstanding. "But think of the children who're short enough to see... underneath," he shuddered. Wendy bawled a few short laughs, holding her stomach as they approached the gate.

A middle-aged woman wearing a corset and frilled dress glared at them. "Welcome. Would you like a party pass?" she then spotted Waddles. "Animals not leashed are not permitted past the gate."

"What if we purchased fifty tickets?" Mabel winked, and shoved Dipper, and he held out the magical card of infinite money.

The woman stared at them, and looked behind her. "I never saw the pig, and you never bought the tickets from me," she rushed out in a hush. "Whatever happens to that thing is not the fair's responsibility," she warned.

"Pfft," Mabel scoffed as the irritated woman took the bribe and scanned the card, "Like anything happens to my animal."

"Uh," Soos scratched his chin, giving Mabel a look.

"Yeah," Wendy said in the same tone.

Dipper winced as he agreed, "Mabel, he does get into trouble."

"Nuh-uh," Mabel pouted.

"Yeah? How about the time with the pterodactyl?" Dipper asked, and before Mable could retort, he added, "Or when he was stolen a few days ago? Or last night?"

"That's only three times!" Mabel yelled, lifting up the pig into her arms. She grunted with his weight, and thrust his face towards Dipper. "Tell that to his face!" she demanded. Dipper cringed, looking at the innocent animal before him.

"Waddles," Dipper slowly said, "I love you, bud, but sometimes you're a handful."

Mabel let out a horrified gasp. "How could you?" Mabel scowled, and lowered the pig.

"It's being honest, Mabel," Dipper explained, taking back the card held out before him. "Thank you, ma'am."

"Have yourselves a 'good noon'," she said, staring at the spaces where they had just been.

"What a spirited attendant," Soos chimed happily.

"Spirited isn't the word I'd use," Dipper noted, glad to be away from the topic with Waddles, as Mabel suddenly had a dark shadow over her eyes. She clearly would not be tested further with her beloved spirit animal.

Wendy snickered, "Maybe more like 'is a spirit'."

"W-Wait," Soos stammered, staring at Wendy. "She's not actually a-"

"No, Soos," Wendy patted his shoulder and smiled, "I was just joking."

Stepping through the gates and handing away their admission tickets they purchased, the four plus pig found themselves in an uneven landscape of shops and attractions all disguised as medieval shops and services.

"Ohhhhhh my gosh!" Mabel hopped in place, "There's so many cool things! Look!" she pointed to a patrolling vendor in the streets, "Hair flowers! It's like normal flowers, only they stick them in your hair!" And then she looked a different way, "And over there are people who braid that hair!"

Dipper scoffed, "For twelve dollar each."

"Like we care," Mabel hissed.

Wendy eyed the groups, and saw something that made her say, "And a place that does all that... for beards?" Wendy gasped, seeing a trio of men currently braiding and prettying up manly beards.

"Flowers are non-discriminatory," Mabel nodded, "They provide their services to all who ask."

"Ohh," Dipper spied a distant shop, filled to the brim with older teens and men, staring at all sorts of older weapons. "Maybe a souvenir that serves a purpose wouldn't be a bad idea," he hummed, stroking the fuzz on his face.

"No weapons," Mabel scolded.

"What?!" Dipper snapped. "Why?"

"Because they're bad," Mabel shrugged.

"Your fists are basically weapons," Dipper pointed out, "Are they bad?"

"Yeah, but everything has fists," Mabel retorted, "And unlike a sword, I can do more with a hand than punch someone." Dipper's mouth sealed shut. Mabel giggled, "Hehe, gotcha bro."

"Funny that you don't view magic that way," Dipper mumbled.

"Well, that's because Magic kinda makes people go crazy and stuff," she argued. Waddles oinked and made towards a shop of pretty dresses and skirts, and Mabel followed.

"Not everyone," Dipper sighed, pocketing his hands.

"You say something?" Soos asked.

"Huh? No," Dipper shook his head and followed his sister.

"Well, aren't these pretty dresses for ladies," Soos said, following the twins with Wendy. He held one of the skirts to his hands, and felt the fabric between his fingers. "Oh! Genuine craftsmanship! Like a sheep giving me a hug, so soft!"

Wendy explained, "That's a kilt for men."

"Yeah, no," Soos instantly dropped it, "I still don't get that."

As Soos walked further inside, attempting to avoid anything that remotely resembled his first sampled clothing, Wendy stepped closer to Dipper, who was staring at Mabel. Wendy quietly told him, "You've got the face of deep thinking again, dude."

"Huh?" he asked, glancing to Wendy. She merely stared at him with a half-smirk, and he nodded. "That easy to read me, huh?"

"It comes with people you know well," she admitted with a nod.

Pocketing his hands, Dipper grunted. "Mabel just makes it sound so easy. She was taught by Arline for two years straight, who as far as I could tell, was a big deal to the Paths. Zander announced Mabel like she was a prodigy because of Arline. Mabel just doesn't get how hard it is to keep up with her like that," Dipper scowled.

Wendy, her smile sympathetic, said, "Dude, you're her twin. She's not holding anything against you. Other than when you don't laugh at her every joke."

"I hold things against myself," Dipper shot an angry look to Wendy. "We're twins!" he hissed quietly, "I'm supposed to keep up."

"Yeah, but she can't even compare to your smarts," Wendy pointed out. Dipper grumbled. Giving him a small shove, the redhead pleaded, "Dude. C'mon. You are keeping up. I mean, we were caught last in the fight back in Area fifty-one."

"Because I did magic," Dipper reminded.

"Yeah, but last night you held your own, alone, as long as Mabel did, with Soos backing her, and while you faced the boss!" she smiled and laid a hand to his shoulder. "Dude, that's hardcore as heck." When Dippers expression darkened and he looked away, she blinked. "Wait," she looked closer, "Did you..." Dipper slowly nodded. "Ohh," Wendy nodded.

"Wendy," Dipper leaned to her, "He's like you now. A wraith. Or a Lich, now that I think about it," he corrected himself. "I knocked him around so hard that I thought… I might have really hurt him. If it was anyone else, I'd be worried about it. But it was him, so I thought it was cool. But he just kept getting back up, and fighting back. I had to try something else."

Wendy gasped. "Those funky tree things?" Dipper nodded. She prodded his chest with a quick poke, and scolded him, "Dude, that was crazy dangerous!"

"I know, I know," Dipper bowed his head, "I didn't really read through the spell enough! I think it required a few components that I missed that allowed the treants to be controlled, or spoken to-"

"They were attacking anything near them," Wendy added.

"I know," Dipper nodded.

"What would have happened if one got away and wondered into a neighborhood?" she asked.

Dipper closed his eyes, and very stiffly nodded, his muscles tightening. "I know. I... was stupid about it," he grunted. "But that doesn't mean it's bad, just that I did it wrong."

"Well, yeah, I guess," Wendy sighed, "But you gotta see that Mabel's kind of right too," she admitted, "When magic messes up, it can really mess up. Just ask Robbie, and me."

Dipper's head fell, the weight of her words infecting him. It was a great and terrible curse to always expect great things of yourself, but nothing compared to the pain of hearing someone else you wanted to impress tearing you down. His throat clenched up, and for a moment, he could feel that familiar tremble in his lips. He was weak, and Wendy knew it.

Then a soft pair of fingers reached to his chin and lifted them up. As he stared up at those green orbs of Wendy's eyes, she gave him a smile that could have melted all the ice on Gravity Falls mountains. "Dude, chill. You're still the stupidly smart kid I've always known."

"Kid?" he gave a watery chuckle, "I thought we officially said I'm a teen!"

"Fair enough," she said, lowering her hands and settling to just smile at him. She glanced into the shop, checking on the distant Mabel and Soos. "Look, Dipper," she started.

"Yeah?" he asked, his eyes dreamily staring into her face.

"I know you're still... kind of shy about the whole magic thing," Wendy started, "And I'm not going to back out of my promise, but you gotta tell them soon."

"What?!" he gasped.

"If you don't tell them, they'll find out on their own soon enough," Wendy stated.

"Or they won't," Dipper argued.

"Look, man," Wendy shook her head, "As queen of all that is hiding secrets from friends, I'm telling you-"

Mabel leapt between the two of them with a triumphant bellow. "I found an awesome frilled shirt for Dipper! Try it on!" she demanded.

"Mabel, I'm not wearing that," he snarled at her.

"C'mon, you can at least try it on?" Mabel pleaded.

Wendy stepped towards Mabel. "I'll give the shop a quick look through. May want to consider stocking up on extra clothes in case, you know, someone shoots me again or something," Wendy said and stepped past them.

As she did, Dipper watched her go, a longing sigh befalling from his lips. Mabel smirked and leaned over. "So, when are you two going public?" she asked.

There was the fire in his cheeks again. "Mabel," Dipper growled.

"Ohhh, no you don't," Mabel wiggled her finger, her voice gaining pitch as she smirked, "I heard you talking a little before I came oveerrrr."

"Y-you did?" Dipper gulped.

"Mmhmm," Mabel leaned in closer, "And I can smell secret, blooming relationship when I hear it," she admitted. Dipper's tense shoulders fell forward, no longer held in fear. "Tell us soon, or we're going to find out on our own, Dipper? C'mon."

"We could be talking about anything," Dipper replied truthfully.

"I doubt it," Mabel smiled.

"And Wendy and I have an... agreement," Dipper reminded her, "More like a non-aggression act. For dating."

Mabel gasped, and smacked her forehead. "I get it!"

"Y-you do?"

"That's why you keep arguing for magic," Mabel nodded, "You think it'll cure Wendy," she gasped, and then smiled, "And then nothing's in your way. She'll be super thankful!" Mabel smiled, "That's super sweet."

Dipper's stomach knotted. His face heated with her implications, and the uncertainty boiled into a new feeling- anger. "Mabel, if you think that I'm trying to cure Wendy just so I can date her-" he snarled, his face growing hotter.

"Whoa, whoa," she held up her hands, "Calm down tiger. Sorry," she admitted, taking half a step back from her brother. "Was just teasing."

"Well... don't," Dipper scoffed, glancing towards Wendy.

"Well, if you two weren't talking about a secret relationship," Mabel slowly continued, "What were you two talking about?"

Dipper whipped to his sister. "I can't tell you."

"Really? Bro," Mabel laughed, "We're twins. Secrets shant come between us."

"Tell that to Jace and Jess," Dipper grumbled.

"Okay, so once I held a promise to someone I sorta liked at the time," Mabel rolled her eyes, half nodding. "But c'mon! It can't be that serious."

"Mabel, I know we keep things open," Dipper noted, "But this is.. something you wouldn't want to hear."

With that, Mabel's expression changed. She suddenly glanced inside the shop, a fearful and stunned stare into the shaded interior. In a flash, she gave Dipper a dirty glare, and then stormed inside without a word. He was left alone outside, a pit of hollowness in his stomach. He then noticed he wasn't alone; Waddles was still there, his little beady eyes staring at Dipper.

"What?" he asked the pig.

Waddles oinked.

"Don't patronize me," Dipper grumbled, and walked past him.

At the will of Soos, the four plus pig began to scout throughout the shops. Slowly, they began to amass small trinkets and doodads that Soos 'absolutely needed' to collect. Dipper was hard pressed to be moved past the weapon shops, desperate to get a glance at a katana or large sword of choice, and Soos only half-supported dragging him away.

"I mean, if they have a buster sword, we need to buy one. Or a gunsword," Soos admitted as they pulled a fuming Dipper away from the glass cases of rapiers.

Next, they visited a shop entirely dedicated to family seals. To no one's shock, the Pines were, what else, trees, trees, and lots of trees.

"Corduroy, eh?" a portly, short man with no hair nodded as they sought one for Wendy's family name. "There's one pin here, actually," and he lifted up one of a sewing wheel and shield.

"Wow, really?" Wendy chuckled, looking to it.

"Of course!" the merchant grinned, "Corduroy crest means a strength of character, supposedly so sturdy that it lasts beyond any labeled expiration date!"

After that descriptor, Wendy shoved the pin away and made a visible attempt to leave in a mood. Mabel bought for herself a wide, flowery hat, and for Dipper a pair of leather bandoliers he could hide under his vest – easily outfitted for his journal and Fords.

"Now I can consult any of them when I need to," he admitted with a small grin.

"What's next on the agenda?" Mabel called to the four. "We could go watch a fight between actors and actors pretending to be better than the others? Or– or maybe we could see people on horses try stabbing each other? Or–"

"We're nearing that hour limit," Dipper hummed. To that, Mabel groaned.

"Fine! We just need to get something to get for Waddles!" Mabel stated.

"Why not a suit?" Soos suggested. "A dapper pig sounds like the best kind."

"Soos," Mabel beamed at him, "You and I think so alike sometimes."

"I dunno, he'd probably just eat it," Dipper scratched his head.

Wendy pointed out, "He'd still appreciate it."

"Let's get him a kilt! And BOOTS!" Mabel roared.

"Where are we going to find a shop that sells pig-sized kilts and boots?" Dipper laughed.

"Well," Mabel reached inside one of the bags tucked around Soos's arm, "According to this very convoluted and terribly designed map they give out for free," Mabel scanned the details, "There's a circus stopping by that has a solo exhibit. They have like two vendors that sell animal stuff. Maybe nearby there we can find something for Waddles!"

Soos, turning down to the pig, asked, "Sounds cool, swine of class?"

The pig oinked in agreement.

Mabel in the lead, the four made their way to a large clearing in the forest with a variety of massive tents sprawled about. The smell of a large, exotic animal drifted across the air, but the four made their bee-line for the shops.

"I swear I've smelled that before," Dipper mentioned, trying to glance around the crowd to get a sight on the focal point of the smell.

"Maybe moose or something," Wendy suggested.

"That'd be awesome," Mabel ground her teeth together. "Maybe we could ride it! Like a war-moose!"

"That's stupid," Dipper smirked.

"You're stupid," Mabel cleverly retorted.

Then Waddles squealed loudly. The four turned, and barely had a moment to react as the pink pig rushed away, heading in the exact direction of the strange exotic smell. "Wait! Waddles!" Mabel cried out, reaching out to stop him.

"Here we go again," Dipper growled.

"He's just, nervous or something," Mabel defended her beloved pig, scowling at her brother as they gave chase. Racing around confused or startled visitors among the crowds, the four raced after the pig, Mabel crying out for her beloved pet the entire way. "Waddles!"

Finally, with a loud trumpet of sound that stalled the four and caused the crowds to jolt in shock, Mabel and Dipper saw the source of Waddles excitement.

"No way," Dipper cried out, grinning despite his internal frustration.

"Time separated them," Mabel swooned, stepping forward to her pig, who was prodding his nose against a fence, "but fate brought two lovers together again! Mina!" she cried out, also rushing to the metal mesh fence.

A large mastodon, with wide, dark, expressive eyes had come trotting over, reaching over the fence to wrap her trunk around Waddles, and lift him onto her back without a moment's hesitation. Mina, now with Waddles atop her, shifted to stand before Mabel and Dipper, her eyes easily noticing them for her rescuers.

"Mina! You look lovely!" Mabel said, reaching over the fence to pat the animal.

"Hey!" a voice from the back called, "Don't hurt Mina! She's hot these-"

A man with balding dark hair stepped out, mopping his sweaty head with a hand-sized towel. As Wendy and Soos arrived, his eyes fell onto Mabel, and he smiled. "I remember you, young lady!" he laughed, "Mabel! The girl who had rescued Mina!"

"Mister Gullian," Mabel waved at him, "I didn't know you and Mabel enjoyed ye olde times!"

The man, who appeared as the worlds hippest, safest grandpa, chuckled. "Well, the circus is setting up to move, but Mina was feeling restless. I told her we could find a place here, and she seemed to like the idea," the man chuckled, coming over to the fence to better see Mabel. "Ah, you have friends with you this time. I don't see your other blond friend, what's her face..." he paused, his eyes going distant for a moment. "Hm. Can't remember. It'll come to me," he assured them.

Mabel grinned, and grabbed her brother. "This is my younger twin, Dipper!"

"Younger? Really?" Dipper growled.

"And Soos, our friend and everything in between," Mabel pointed to him, and then to Wendy, "And warrior princess Wendy!"

"A pleasure," he nodded to each. He patted Mina's side, and said, "Lower the piggy, Mina. I'm sure he's happy up there, but you know we'll be packing up soon." With a hesitation visible to the five, Mina slowly lifted her trunk, and lowered Waddles, who gave only the smallest of protests as he was lowered to Mabel's feet. Mister Gullian turned to Mabel, and said, "I didn't know you all traveled a lot. I thought you all lived in that town... what was it called... Gravity Talls? No, that's not right. Blast."

"Falls," Dipper corrected him. "You remember Gravity Falls?" he asked with a building excitement.

"Well, honestly, not very well," the man admitted with a shrug, "And it's the strangest thing. I have a great recollection when I have a good time in places. And while I remember finding Mina at that place, and I remember the town plenty fine, the names and faces... hm... escape me? Strangest thing," he shrugged.

As Wendy and Dipper exchanged a significant glance, Soos stepped closer, patting the Mastadon. "It's good to see that such a fine creature has done a good job adapting to a lifestyle of travel and style." Mina returned the favor, patting Soos's arm. "Oho! You're so sweet," Soos chuckled.

"She's actually quite the natural," Mister Gullian nodded. "I credit it to her being locked in ice for so long, but she's rather patient with people, myself included. I still catch her staring at people who wear shirts with pigs on them from time to time, but what can you do?" he asked with a small chuckle.

"Aww, she misses you," Mabel leaned down to the pig, rubbing his cheeks.

"Good thing she had a distraction too," the man sighed, "Ever since the impromptu show, she's been startled to heck and back."

"I love impromptu shows!" Mabel gasped. She grasped Dipper's vest and shook him. "Let's wait until we find one and watch it?"

"We need to get going soon anyway," Dipper firmly stated, and shook her off.

"You all wouldn't want to see it anyway," the man admitted, a weary glance over their heads and into the crowd.

"Why?" Soos asked, "We love things that don't try killing us and are semi or barely contain entertainment value."

"Well, aside from the great special effects they used, it was really boring," Mister Gullian shook his shoulders, "Eerie and creepy, but nothing exciting happened."

Eerie? Creepy? In entertainment designed to be family friendly and marketable? Dipper was immediately suspicious. He asked, "Special effects?"

"These places don't spend money on effects," Wendy stated, glancing to Dipper in agreement.

"What exactly happened?" Dipper asked.

"Well," Gullian stepped closer, "This figure, dressed in easily the most impressive suit of full metal armor I'd seen since I've started business here," he affirmed with nod, "Just arose from the crowd. The thing was, no one could see who was inside. People started panicking, thinking a ghost or something had come to life in the armor. But he just turned and walked away, demanding people stand aside."

"He looked like a ghost?" Wendy repeated.

"What does that exactly mean?" Dipper asked. "Was there an aura about him?"

"Aura?" the man repeated.

"An area surrounding him of a certain color, with a diameter between one and five feet?" Dipper specifically detailed.

"And did he make 'Ooo' sounds?" Soos added.

"Well, no to both," the man stated, "But his voice echoed, and his eyes glowed. And the thing is," he leaned in closer, his voice dropping, "Word of the workers here is that they had no idea who this person is. Never seen or heard of him, and no one like that came in the park by the front gates. Some of the veterans say he's described as some ancient guardian, but-"

"Ancient Guardian?" Dipper cut in. "You're sure that's what they said?"

"Pretty sure," the man nodded.

Dipper nodded to him, grabbed Mabel, and pulled them into a group huddle. "Ancient guardian with spectral like abilities that lack any actual astral projections or syndromes. What else does this sound like?" Dipper asked to them.

"The poltergeist?" Wendy asked.

Dipper shook his head, "Close, but no."

"A really sick dude?" Soos asked. Dipper just gave him the least concerned face he could, before turning to his sister.

Mabel caved, and asked, "Dipper, who?"

"Zander," Dipper quietly exclaimed, "They called him an ancient guardian. He has a flair for the dramatic. He has weird ghostly properties without actually being ethereal. Guys? Any of this ringing bells?"

Mabel scratched her chin, pondering. "What, you think Zander's long-lost brother is here or something? As a Ren-Fair geek?" Mabel snickered, and she added, "I wonder if he's just as attractive."

"No..." Dipper looked over his shoulder, to the crowds, "But maybe... we could stay just a bit longer. This could be connected to our stuff."

"Okay," Wendy cut in, "So I'm going to point out that normally this sort of thing had no chance of being connected. But because you two are here and we're in a whole mess of weird, I'm also kind of convinced. Something's up."

"So should we round up witnesses and question them before a jury of their peers?" Soos asked.

Dipper opened his mouth to speak, but his eyes darted past Soos. In the flex of an adjusting eye, he saw something in the distance.

Past the rear fences of the caged area for Mina, who carefully watched the crew and Waddles, was another alley in the forest. In that alley, standing before a shop, a woman with silver hair tied with a bandanna, stared right back at Dipper a moment too long. The moment she saw him returning the watch, she blinked and jolted up. Dipper lost track for a single moment, as someone stepped between him and that woman. As the passer by who blocked his vision passed aside, the woman was gone. The beads that acted as a door for the shop in the background swayed gently.

"No," Dipper stood up fully, a grin creeping across his face, "Sometimes it's as easy as just looking past a Mastodon in her pen."

"Okay, what?" Mabel snorted. "You're trying too hard to be deep, bro."

Dipper sighed and waved for them to follow, "Look, just follow me, okay? I think I saw something."

"Okay, fine," Mabel snickered, and turned back to Mina and Gullian. "Bye! We'll say goodbye before we leave!"

"Yes, have fun in the grounds," the man waved back, Mina tossing her trunk in the air to wave at Waddles, who stared as his distant girlfriend before reluctantly following with Mabel and Dipper.

"There was a woman," Dipper explained as quietly as he needed to as they passed through the crowds, "Who was definitely staring at us from a distance. The moment I spotted her, she took off."

With an easy suggestion, Wendy said, "Maybe a worker here?"

"Ehh," Mabel started with a wiggle of her hand which she held aloft, "Guys here don't care if you stare back. That is kinda weird."

Dipper snapped his fingers at Mabel. "Exactly. She did wear fitting clothes though," Dipper admitted, "Like a tassel, or something, on her shoulders and stuff. Draped dress. Medieval things."

Behind the twins, Soos admitted, "For being a fair about the Renaissance times, they certainly prefer people wearing clothing of the times before. Kinda confusing to a newbie, like myself."

A minute of striding around crowds, and the four found themselves by a row of shops. By a wagon attached to a pair of men dressed as horses, Dipper noticed the shop the woman had stood by.

"This is the one," Dipper said, nodding to the open doorway. "Okay. Wendy, Soos, stay out here with Waddles. Unless you hear something going down in the inside, wait for us. Someone may try sneaking out."

"If they do?" Soos asked, "Smack 'em down?"

Dipper pointed to the wagon. "Just grab one of those loose ropes and tie them up."

"Bait and snag. Got it," Wendy nodded. "Don't get hurt while I'm away."

"Waddles," Mabel pointed to the wagon, "You stay under there and don't move, okay?"

Waddles, only ever taking orders from one person in his life, did as he was told. Several snorts later, and he had secured himself by the ropes in the wagon. Once he sat in the shade, Mabel breathed easily, and looked to her brother and nodded.

"Let's see what fates got for us," Dipper stated, and the pair entered the shop.

Inside and past the beaded curtain, they found themselves in a dark shop filled to the brim with paranormal paraphernalia. All walks of life and religion could find replicas of relics and religious symbols. The air smelt of burning herbs and essences, which caused Mabel to wince and wave her hand before her nose.

Dipper glanced around. They were alone. Not only that, but it was unusually quiet in there. Even the sounds of the outdoors were muffled.

"Two doorways," Dipper noted. True to his word, one doorway behind an un-attended counter was closed off, and down the shop, a hallway lead towards a distant wooden door as well.

Taking a step closer to her brother, Mabel admitted, "I got so many heebie-jeebies about this, you know."

"I know. Me too," Dipper agreed. "Unless you want to let who ever we're looking for get a jump on us, we really should cover both at the same time."

"Okay... I'll take..." Mabel began to bounce her finger from door to door, silently chanting 'eenie-meenie' as she did. Dipper watched her for a moment, sighed, and the moved forward. "Okay," Mabel waved at him and turned towards the closer door. "Scream like a wuss if you need help."

"Same to you," he smirked back.

Passing through some of the smoketrails in the air, Dipper began to train his eyes to the darkness. Candles were lit around him, giving the already hot air a small touch of flame that was not needed. His newer, leather bandolier on his t-shirt dug into his skin, and he scratched absent-mindedly.

Then he heard a creek of floorboard ahead. Around a corner, he saw the rest of the business room. A table, with six chairs facing one, was lined with large cards with unusual faces. Many of the cards were scattered across the cloth-lined table.

Following the source of the sound, Dipper slowly turned the corner, and found her.

Standing upright, a woman with silvering hair and dark, copper skin stared back at Dipper. She had a face of small wrinkles that gave her an appearance of majestic age. Her eyes shone in the dim light of the candles – a bright brown that spoke of experience.

"Dipper Pines," she spoke in a voice that dripped with shock.

"So, you do know me," he stated. "Who're you?"

"Why are you here?" she asked him, keeping her distance from him. "You have much more important things to be doing than being here!"

Dipper recoiled from her snap, and stared. "Lady, I don't know who you are, or how you know me, but I don't like either of those things. So, you're going to come with me and my friends and answer my questions."

"Dipper, you must- WAIT!" she cried, lifting her hand up and holding it out.

Dipper heard movement behind him. Metal clanging in a rush. He spun just in time to greet it head on.

A huge hand reached out and grasped his mouth, clamping a vice-like grip onto his jaw that prevented him from even speaking, and barely even breathing. With a slowly, steady pull, the figure in complete chrome plate armor lifted Dipper into the air by his jaw. As he ascended off the ground, he met the things eyes.

They glowed. He saw no face inside the helmet to complete the picture. Just two bright, yellow orbs.

"This one will pay for his transgresses," the deep, echoing voice of the being in armor stated.

"No!" the woman pleaded, "He is a child!"

"More of a man than a child in years," the voice argue, his grip tightening. Dipper's face sweated, along with the rest of him as he desperately clawed at the hand and arm locking onto him.

"Let him down! He is crucial!"

"You are crucial. My orders are to protect you," the being spoke. "And... I shall."

Dipper heard more footsteps coming and relief flooded his body. Mabel was coming. Backup!

"HEY!"

Except, Dipper realized that the voice he had heard didn't belong to his sister.

"Have at thee, interloper!" the being in armor lunged Dipper into the air, smashing into the approaching figure behind Dipper. His body split into red-hot pains as he collided into someone and collapsed. Bounced off the rescuer, he slid across the floor. Dipper saw the rush of movement as the lady ran past him. Rolling to his side, he finally saw the person who he collided with.

It was another girl. Black hair with a cool, blue hue, and sharp eyes that enhanced her scowl at him. She was lean, and just about Wendy's height. She was already back on her feet as the knight came back, and delivered a powerful back-handed slap to her face.

"Stand down, fool," he snarled, knocking her into the wall.

"Do not harm her either!" the woman at the door yelled, "She is important!"

"She will recover," the being noted.

"HEY!"

Dipper, barely standing up, now smirked. That one was definitely Mabel.

"Stand and delive- oh wow," she gasped, looking at the knight as she ran through the doorway, "You're a big one-"

The Knight replied quickly. Stepping out and kicking at the countertop, Mabel leapt into the air and deftly avoiding the splintering tidal wave of wood that would have otherwise crushed her. Landing between the armored figure and Dipper, she yelled and struck out with her fist. She was accurate, and her fist–

CLAAAANG.

"Owwie," Mabel retracted her fist, shaking it vigorously. "Okay, it always looked a lot easier in video games to punch people in armor! That smarts!"

"So," the echoing voice of the knight scowled, "A duel, shall it be?" and with a quick draw, he had a dirk-dagger in his hand. Mabel ducked, and leapt back, avoiding two lightning slashes as best she could. The last dodge tossed her back and she landed on the floor.

"Hey!" Soos rushed in, holding up a rope. "Imma tie you up, you big-" the being turned and pulled its arm over its shoulder, readying a dagger-toss, "HOLY-TOLEDOS!"

"SOOS! MOVE!"

Wendy rushed in and shoved him aside, knocking him to the floor. Had she not, the dagger that imbedded itself deep into her shoulder and out of her back would have taken it's mark inside Soos's center chest. With a deep cough, Wendy fell backwards, taken to the impact of the dagger and the wound she had received.

"Wendy!" Dipper cried out, clawing to a stand. Trying to stand up, a foot stepped on his back, and Dipper yelped in pain, shoved down to the floor.

From Dipper's back, the new girl shouted, "Fight me!" as she drew out a sword from her belt.

The knight did as requested. He drew his own blade. With force unrelenting, the being swung again and again at the new girl, throwing her back again and again, and yet each time she attempted to rush in and fight further. Finally, with a mighty roar, the spectral entity swung his longsword like a golf-club and lifted her into the air. The dull snap of thick metal declared that the new girl's sword had been split in half, and she had been lifted high into the air. She struck the ceiling and crashed next to Dipper, her legs landing firmly on his back.

"Ow! C'mon," Dipper grunted, trying to push himself out from under her.

The dark-haired girl scrambled to her feet. "Out of my way!" the girl growled, again leaping off Dipper to rush after the now departing figure in armor.

She rushed ahead, just as Mabel's own footsteps carried up behind Dipper. "C'mon!" she said, pulling Dipper to his feet.

Dipper was upright just as Soos finally managed to climb back up, gasping for air. The three of them stepped outside. The new girl with dark hair had lunged forward, broken sword still in her hand. Wendy was being attended by concerned visitors, who seemed to believe that she merely had a prosthetic in her shoulder, and this was a part of an act.

"Stop that thing!" the dark-haired girl cried out, pointing the remaining half of the sword at the distant cart.

The older woman from inside had climbed into the cart, with the armored man. The being swished the reigns of the cart, and the two men in horse suits whinnied and began to rapidly pull away the cart. As the ropes dragged behind the cart, one with a partially completed noose snagged the one thing that was still in the spot the cart had been: Waddles.

"NO!" Mabel screamed as Waddles was suddenly thrust onto his belly, and dragged after the cart. "SOMEBODY STOP THAT CART!" Mabel screamed, pushing past Dipper and Soos to rush ahead.

"Stop him!" the dark-haired girl said, running after the cart.

The cart was gaining speed. Led by two dressed as horses, they had the momentum advantage, going down a hill. Mabel saw ahead the new girl, trying her absolute hardest to catch up. Mabel had to try harder. Waddles couldn't get taken away again. Not again!

She saw a plan already. On the trees in many spots, signs and flags were tied by long ropes. They were out of reach to anyone on the streets, but if she could get elevation, just six feet up...

It was just luck for Mabel that she passed a man on stilts when the thought occurred that she could really use some Stilts. Kicking the man's faux-foot out from his step, the man fell into a pile of sheets and fabrics with a terrified cry.

"Sorry," Mabel rushed as she tore away one of the stilts, "Sweet, baby pig in dire need! Thanks!" she said, rushing away with the stilt. Now armed with the stilt, she ran ahead, and with a jump, stuck the stilt into the ground. Clawing her way up the stilt as best she could, she managed to leap onto the rooftops of the buildings. Slanted tiles and mossy rooftop made it slippery, but she was determined.

She again saw them, just ahead now. A rope came into view. It dangled loosely before her, ready and ripe for the taking. If she could swing it down, she would be onto the cart, and able to detach her poor, terrified piggy in a minute. With a war-cry, she leapt into the air and grasped the rope.

The moment her weight met with the rope, it tore away. Her rope slipped from it's grasp and fell to gravity, along with Mabel.

With a clatter, Mabel slammed into the new girl with a loud crash. She rolled off, the momentum carrying her downhill slightly until she hit the side of a tree-trunk. Her eyes squinted as tears clouded her vision. She hadn't broken anything, but she was certain she had come close to spraining her ankles.

That wasn't why she cried. The cart turned down an alley far ahead, and vanished.

Mabel clawed at the earth before her, trembling. "No... Waddles..."

"Damn!"

Mabel gasped, and pained herself to turn around. The other girl was standing up, groaning and clawing at her shoulder.

"I had him! In just a few minutes, I'd finally catch it! And you'd just have to come in and ruin it for me, kid!" the girl spat, her face red from fury and exhaustion.

Mabel could say nothing. The anger behind the person's eyes was deep, but Mabel saw in her a genuine pain. That person, that girl with the boots, she looked really upset. The person groaned audibly and stormed off, tossing her broken sword into the bushes off the path.

Footsteps approached Mabel from behind as she slowly came to her feet. Dipper raced to her, dusting her shoulders off for her making sure she was well. Soos, right behind her, was asking if she was hurt anywhere. She turned to speak to them, just in time to see Wendy saunter over, and wrench out the dagger from her shoulder with a bloodless yank.

"Waddles. They took my pig," Mabel said, her lips quiver.

Soos nodded somberly. "And not even on horses. Dudes dressed as horses, and carrying a wagon. Gotta give them an 'A' for effort!" he chuckled.

"Soos!" Dipper and Wendy yelled as Mabel hung her head from her shoulders.

"Ah, my bad," Soos nodded. "Sorry. No need for long faces." He snickered. "Get it? Long faces? Horses?" Dipper punched Soos' stomach. "Ow," he winced as he rubbed his large belly, "Okay, I'm done."

---

We continue on with the story, on our regular schedule! WOOHOO! So, I'm not sure how many of you great guys out there know what a Renaissance Fair is, but I absolutely love them. They're ridiculous and hammy and totally over-priced, but so much fun. In case you all haven't reaized it yet, Season three is going to have a lot of American Exploration.

Area 51, the great Bison, Sasquatch, chupacabra, and now the ren-fair: mostly American things. When I decided that I was going to have the gang travel the country, I KNEW I had to have this. If you haven't gone to one, just imagine that scene from Cable Guy at Medieval times, but an entire fair grounds of that stuff. (but with less insane Jim Carrey)

Also, I will confirm nothing concerning a certain minor character in these two chapters. I give you the hints, but the rest is up to you. ;)

A further apology to those I have not gotten fully back to. I do plan on letting you into what you asked for, but this past week I had work more hours than I ever had previously. So writing this and working... let's just say sleep has become a lesser priority. Like back in high school. Ahh... fun times. (but not really. :p) So just remind me if you're waiting on something from me, and 'ye shall receive'.

Also, just to let you all know, we are approximately two full 'episodes' away from being 1/3 done with Season three.

Where does time fly to?

(A clock nearby EZB suddenly accelerates, and EZB's flesh becomes sand, and blows into the wind, leaving a skeleton in his place.)

Hm. Spooky. (looks at his hands) Scary. (looks into a mirror) Skeleton. I think this is a repeating pattern. (the EZB skeleton collapses into a pile of bones.)