Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own Naruto or any characters in this story; it belongs to Masashi Kishimoto.
Chapter 19: Spiraling
It turned out that Naruto didn't sleep a second. He doubted he had even blinked once all night long. He simply stared at the white ceiling of the hospital room all night long. He had only been conscious at the hospital for about eight hours, but it was enough for him to know he didn't want to step foot into a hospital again. Everything was bland, including the walls, the ceiling, the floor, and the bedsheets. Everything was lacking color. The smell was also displeasing, to say the least; whether that was influenced by his puke still being in the room, he didn't know, and he didn't care. At one point during the night, he had debated on whether to leave the hospital and go to his apartment, but he didn't want to move a muscle. He was hungry and had also noticed the fruit basket, but he felt as if they were forbidden, or more accurately, he felt like he didn't deserve it.
When the doctor arrived, he noticed the pungent smell of vomit right away. He asked him a few questions, which Naruto answered monotonously. Everything seemed fine, so he told him there were some clothes for him on the cabinet below the nightstand. A few minutes later, Naruto exited the hospital dressed in his usual blue pants and black t-shirt but without his signature orange jacket. It was hot outside, and the sun glared down on him harshly as he walked the streets toward his apartment, yet the heat and excess of sunlight weren't what bothered him the most. What bothered him the most was what he had long come accustomed to ignoring—the villagers.
He was hyper-aware of every look sent his way; how could he not?
The memory of the store owner who sold masks came to his mind, the one he had just relived while unconscious. He remembered how he had pushed him out of the store and how the people who had been passing stopped to stare at him.
What do y'all want?! Why are you looking at me like that?
That was what his younger self had screamed to people gathered around to whisper way back then. Well, he didn't need to scream the question anymore. He knew what the looks meant and what the whispers hid.
You! You monster! You took them away from me! The love of my life and my precious daughter!
He had never met Hinata's father, but in his mind, the store owner's face was replaced by one of one of the random guards he had seen at the Hyūga compound when he dropped off Hinata. His vivid imagination didn't stop there. A sudden image of reading Hyūga Hinata on the headstone of Konoha's cemetery ran through his mind. His blood ran cold as a chill went through his spine. Just the mere thought of that made him shaky and feel faint. Suddenly, the day didn't seem hot anymore.
'He was right. I'm a monster.' Naruto thought as he dropped his head and dragged his feet all the way to his apartment.
Naruto arrived at his doorstep before he realized it. Thankfully, he didn't run into anyone he knew on his way to his apartment; Kami forbid he run into Hinata. A small part of him wanted to test his sensor abilities, search for her, apologize, and beg for forgiveness. Yet, a bigger part was scarred... scarred that when he and she met face to face, she would scream, and those lavender eyes would look at him like they had never looked at him, with fear, hate, and repulse. Yeah, looking for Hinata was off the table.
Naruto twisted the doorknob of his door and noticed that it opened. He scanned his apartment and noticed that everything was more... clean? For a fleeting, fantastic second, Naruto was sure he would be greeted with the words he always hoped to hear every time he entered his apartment, but no such words were spoken like always. After the bitter disappointment passed, he analyzed the room. It weirded him out, but his mind couldn't spare more time to think about it. He closed the door behind him and went straight for his room. As he entered his room, he noticed his hentai-ate, pouch, and keys lying on his bed. The blonde stared at them numbly for a couple of seconds before unceremoniously lifting his bed cover and sending them flying across the room. He flopped into bed feeling extremely tired but did his best not to close his eyes.
Naruto had really done his best to stay awake. He had taken a couple of cold showers and remained standing in his room, doing everything he could not to fall asleep, but eventually, his eyes became too heavy, and he fell asleep on his hardwood floor. And before he knew it, the nightmares began.
He was back at the clearing. It was nighttime, and the stars shone brightly in the dark blue sky; the rustling sound of leaves moving along with the rippling water filled the clearing and gave it a calming aura. Everything seemed more beautiful than ever.
"Naruto-kun."
The blonde perked up after hearing his name. He recognized Hinata's soft voice easily enough and scanned the clearing to see where she was, but she was nowhere to be seen.
"Naruto-kun."
He heard his name called again, followed by the barely audible sound of footsteps, and turned in that direction. He could see someone in the distance coming out of the trees and ventured to guess it was Hinata approaching.
"Yo! Hinata!" He said as he waved and ran to meet her.
"Get away from me!" Hinata's voice rang harshly suddenly as he approached.
As if it was an order, his feet slowed down until he stopped. She couldn't see Hinata properly at first, but suddenly, the moon's silver light shone over her, and Naruto saw her. What first caught his attention was that her Byakugan was active, and she looked surprisingly fearsome. He then noticed that her face had several scratches and cuts were bleeding, and her cream-colored jacket had several dried crimson spots.
"Hinata?! You are bleeding! Are you okay? What happened?" Naruto asked rapidly.
"You happen! You monster! You did this to me!" Hinata shouted. The words hurt, but what felt like a punch to the gut was the look in her eyes.
"I-I d-dint-"
"You didn't mean to injure your friend?" A new voice echoed through the clearing. It was melodic yet full of venom.
From behind Hinata, a new person appeared.
"K-Ka-chan?" Naruto said.
"We trusted you! We believed in you! And look at what you did!" Kushina shouted as she pointed at him.
Despite his shock and hurt, his nostrils couldn't help but detect a strong metallic smell that made his knees buckle. Naruto turned slowly and then felt his heart stop. Behind him, the clearing that had been empty a couple of seconds ago was now filled with corpses wearing the standard Konoha vest. The small pond was now scarlet with blood and lifeless bodies. His horror continued to grow as he spotted familiar faces. Shikamaru, Yoshino, Chōji, Ayame, Iruka, and Teuchi were the first ones that he recognized.
He wanted to rush to them, but his feet were stuck, so he turned back. When his eyes landed on his mother, she was no longer standing. Instead, she was sitting as she cradled Hinata's head in her lap, passed a hand through her face, and closed her eyes.
Naruto opened his mouth, but before the sound of his words could be heard, an earsplitting roar tore through the clearing, alarming every hair in his body. He didn't want to turn again because he knew what he would see. However, a morbid curiosity overtook his body and slowly turned his neck. Impossible, high above the tree, glaring down at him with vicious and cruel red-slitted eyes, was the Kyūbi in all his malevolent glory.
He would have gulped if his body wasn't frozen; whether it was from fear or because of the dream, he didn't know, but all he could do was close his eyes as a giant claw rose and prepared to crush him.
When Naruto opened his eyes, he breathed hard through his nose, and his heart felt like it was trying to thump out of his chest forcefully. He lifted himself from the ground as some of his joints cracked. His neck felt stiff, his mouth was drier than when he woke up yesterday in the hospital, and he could still feel all of his hair standing up in alarm. His stomach felt queasy, and he sprinted towards his bathroom. He quickly turned the handles in his sink and splashed cold water on his face. The chilly feeling of the water hitting his face helped to ground himself into reality.
Naruto was breathing hard as he gripped the sink. Very slowly, he looked up only to meet his reflection in the mirror above his sink. He was glad to see himself, no red-slitted eyes, no fangs, nothing. His calmness vanished as soon as his eyes fixed on his whiskers. He stared at them for a couple of seconds before something started to rise inside him, a horrid bitterness. It felt like the mirror was mocking him. Telling him you are almost normal.
His jaw tightened as he gritted his teeth, and before he knew it, his right hand came crashing into the mirror, shattering it into a thousand pieces and cutting his hand in multiple places.
Soon, his blood was coming out of his hand and painting the sink. Naruto stared at his hand as the drop of blood came out of his cuts. His blood was red—just like everyone else's. He was normal; he was like everyone else, but soon, his cuts started to heal all on their own at a miraculous rate. He swore he could almost hear a dark and mocking chuckle inside his head.
"Argh!"
Naruto screamed in frustration as he glared down at his healed hand before rashly pulling his shirt off in one motion. He hastily formed a hand sign as he started to mold chakra, and soon, a complex black seal appeared in his flat stomach. He grabbed a shard of the broken mirror with his free hand and held it tightly enough to cut his hand again. He wanted to use the shard to scratch the dam seal off, but he knew it would be useless. With a sigh, he dropped the piece of glass and walked back to his room.
Only once he reentered his bedroom and noticed how bright it was due to the sunlight did he care to know what time it was. He shifted his eyes toward his alarm clock and saw he was already late. Then, the blonde brought his hand to his forehead and sighed before turning around and getting ready to meet his team.
Naruto usually walked through the path that led to the training grounds on the outskirts of Konoha, but this time, he decided to take a shortcut. He was already late enough, and now, he jumped from tree branch to tree branch. He was almost through the dense woods but stopped at the edge as he spotted Sasuke and Sakura in the clearing. It seemed that no matter how late he woke up, he would still make it in time before Kakashi.
He was about to jump out of the tree branch but stopped as an uneasy feeling enveloped him. He had been alone with Hinata when he hurt her. Could the same happen again? What would happen if Kakashi was there to stop him this time? His dread continued to grow until he decided to wait until Kakashi arrived. Surprisingly, it wasn't long before he spotted the silver-haired Jonin striding leisurely, book in hand like always, into the training ground.
He saw and heard Sakura reproach Kakashi like usual before saying something about him managing to arrive even later than Kakashi, although, to her credit, she didn't sound too harsh.
Naruto was about to jump into the training ground, but Kakashi turned in his direction and spotted him before he could.
"Ah! There you are, Naruto. I'm glad you could join us. You know it's rude to keep people waiting," Kakashi said loudly, causing his two teammates to turn in his direction.
Kakashi saw Naruto jump in their direction. The blonde landed a few meters away from him and his two other genin. He noticed his tentative and insecure body language, like an animal afraid of getting too close and ready to leap away at a moment's notice.
"Hey guys, I'm sorry about that; I overslept a little," Naruto said with a grin as he scratched his head.
"A little?" Sakura scoffed before her features softened. "It's good that you managed to rest and heal," she said before turning towards Kakashi. What are we going to do today, Kakashi-Sensei?"
"Just some light physical training and teamwork drills."
Sakura gulped. 'Light physical training? I've heard that one before. His idea of light usually leaves me bruised and sore. I hope since it's Naruto's first day back, he will actually go light on us.'
Kakashi sat under the shadow of the tree as he observed his students perform the teamwork drills after he had so carefully picked them out for them. He observed Naruto with a careful eye and sighed internally. Physically, he was fine, or so it seemed. He had performed the light physical training with no sign of being weighed down by his time in the hospital. However, now that they were performing teamwork drills, it was painfully evident to Kakashi's expert eye where the problem was.
Naruto didn't trust himself around Sasuke and Sakura. He was skittish and nervous and tried to avoid coming close to either of them unless necessary. He hoped it would only last a few days before Naruto readapted himself to be around his teammates, but he doubted it.
After letting them continue for another hour and finishing his novel, Kakashi stood up.
"Alright, guys!" Kakashi called as he got up. "Excellent job today!" He lied.
All three genin let out a sigh but for different reasons. Sakura was happy that she could rest for the day. Naruto just wanted to get out of there, and Sasuke was glad the torture was over. Having to deal with an overly clumsy Naruto was really rattling his nerves.
"Before I dismiss you, I have something for you guys." He took out two scrolls and threw them towards Naruto and Sakura.
"What is this?" Naruto asked as he looked skeptically at the scroll in his hand.
"The next step in your training. Now that you are done with your exercise and Sakura and Sasuke have mastered water walking, you can move on." Kakashi answered as he locked eyes with Naruto and was glad to see a spark of excitement in his eyes. "In that scroll, you will find the instructions for-"
Before Kakashi could finish his explanation, his blonde student unrolled the scroll and read out loud. "Fūton: Daitoppa (Wind Release: Great Breakthrough)..."
"Sensei? What's in my scroll?" A curious Sakura asked over Naruto's voice as he read the content of his scroll.
"Well, the reports from the academy said that you showed an aptitude for genjutsu. Since Naruto and Sasuke already fulfill the role of front-line fighters, I believe that specializing in genjutsu would benefit the team. Since you had trouble dispelling the genjutsu on the day of the bell test, I chose a scroll to refresh you on what you learned in the academy. How to tell you are in a genjutsu and how to disp-"
A large intake of breath followed by a painful coughing fit interrupted Kakashi's explanation. Just like he imagined, he turned his head to look at Naruto, who had one hand on his knee and the other rubbing his throat while Sasuke smirked at the sight.
After regaining his breath and swallowing the small amount of blood that came from a few cuts inside his mouth, Naruto screamed. "What the hell?!"
"Don't tell me you expected to get in on your first try?" Sasuke asked.
"Hmph!" Naruto said as he crossed his arms and looked away from Sasuke's taunting smile.
"Now, now, Naruto, don't be like that. Since this is the first jutsu you are learning that requires multiple hand signs, I suggest practicing them first before attempting it." Kakashi said patiently before turning to face Sasuke and beckoning him closer with his hand.
Sasuke was about to ask what Kakashi wanted when he saw him pull out a square piece of paper. After a simple explanation, Sasuke did as Kakashi explained and saw how the paper in his hand wrinkled before turning to ash in his hand, leaving a warm feeling in his fingers. Sasuke looked back up to meet Kakashi's eye, but it was closed as the Jonin considered what he saw. A few seconds passed, and Kakashi gave a barely perceptible nod.
"I see." He said but didn't elaborate.
Sasuke, growing impatient, crossed his arms and asked. "So, what I'm going to do?"
"Activate your sharingan."
Sasuke raised a curious eyebrow, not expecting that, but nonetheless, he closed his eyes, and when he opened back again, instead of black, they were red with two tomoe each. He stared at Kakashi, waiting for further instruction.
"Good. Now keep that way."
Sasuke waited, but Kakashi felt no need to explain anything else. "Until when?" he asked, irritation leaking into his voice.
"Until you go to sleep." Kakashi supplied. "And as soon as you wake up, you activate it again. Go about your day as usual, but try to keep your sharing active as long as you can."
"I assume you are making me do this because it will help me learn easier later," Sasuke commented.
"It will, but that's not the whole point. The Sharingan is something your body needs to get used to, not only in terms of how draining it might be but also in terms of what you perceive."
Sasuke lifted an eyebrow at the explanation. "How so?"
"When you first use the Sharingan, there might be a slight gap between the image your brain foresees and your body's reaction time. "You also perceive so much more that your focus might be disrupted initially. You'll see what I mean." Kakashi said before turning towards his two other students. "Well, you are all dismissed. See you tomorr-." Before he could finish speaking, Naruto performed a shunshin, and suddenly, there was no sign of the blonde in the clearing, making Kakashi sigh.
Team Seven's training sessions during the next week didn't improve that much, or more accurately, Naruto didn't improve. Their teamwork only seemed to be getting worse. Naruto's behavior was so out of the ordinary that Sakura and a heavily annoyed Sasuke kept throwing glances every time he screwed up. What concerned Kakashi the most was that Naruto kept "arriving late," just like he had done during their first training session after he was released from the hospital. The blonde always waited until he arrived to come out from the edge of the training ground and left as soon as he dismissed them. It was evident that Naruto didn't trust himself enough to be around his teammates if he wasn't there, and well, how could Sasuke and Sakura put their trust in someone who didn't trust himself? That's why Kakashi had specifically asked Naruto to stay after their training session while Sasuke and Sakura left.
As soon as he and Naruto were alone, the blonde's shoulder seemed to relax, but he still crossed his arms and scowled as Kakashi stared at him.
"I know I haven't been performing well in training. I'm sorry." Naruto said in a bitter tone and dropped his head to the ground.
"It's alright. That's not what I wanted to talk to you about."
Naruto lifted his eyes from the ground and looked at Kakashi before sighing. "I still haven't gotten the jutsu down, if that's what you wanted to know. I've been coming back at night to train, but I'm working on it." His tone was a little defensive.
"That's fine, but what I actually wanted to talk about was this," Kakashi said as he rummaged in his pockets for something before taking out a small card and handing it to Naruto.
Naruto recognized it as soon as he could fully see the card in his hand, and he couldn't help but feel excitement sip into his voice. "This is a coupon for Ichiraku ramen for three bowls."
"I Know. The old lady I helped find her cat yesterday actually gave it to me as a thank you, and I know how much you like Ichiraku's. I usually don't eat that much, so I thought we could share it."
Naruto's eyes widened as he imagined the taste of his favorite meal but caught himself. "Eh... Thank you, but I'm not really hungry." Naruto's stomach let out a loud growl in protest. "And I don't really feel like eating outside tonight, you know." Naruto finished a little sheepishly as he handed the coupon back to Kakashi. Well, if that's everything, I'll see you tomorrow." He said, made a hand sign, and disappeared.
Kakashi stood alone for a second and chuckled. "So this is how Gai must feel."
Naruto was currently working on his kitchen table, which had several tags stretched before him. He was working on silencing and privacy tags and was confident in the theoretical aspect, and now he just needed to make sure he got everything down. Part of him wondered how he would know for sure if they worked fine. He guessed he could activate them and then make a clone go outside to see if he heard anything from inside the house. However, the clone would also have to make noise from outside. In theory, if properly executed, the tag would only prevent the people outside from hearing anything, but he should still be able to hear anything that was happening outside. He looked out to the window. It was late now, and the sun had set a few hours ago. He had come back from his latest attempt at the jutsu Kakashi had given him, but he still hadn't mastered it. He still got cut in the mouth, and the wind came out like a moderately strong breeze but not much more. In truth, he knew he should be further along if he weren't half-assing it, but the excitement of learning the jutsu had dwindled a little. The thought of using his clones crossed his mind only once, and it was enough to send shivers down his spine. No, that was out of the question. He didn't need a threat from Kakashi to deter him from using that method ever again.
A loud protest from his stomach made his focus, and he swore. He had run out of groceries in the morning and forgot to pick up some. Ichiraku's was still open, though he truthfully didn't feel didn't feel like going outside of his apartment. He didn't recall a time when he had spent so much time in his apartment as he had done ever since coming back from the hospital. In his academy days, he would usually be out and about looking to cause mischief or eat at Ichiraku's. After he discovered the clearing, he spent most of his time there. Studying, training, or just relaxing, but now the mere thought of going back to the clearing gave him a cold feeling he didn't like at all.
The sound of a slight knock broke him out of his thoughts. "I swear I paid the rent on time," Naruto muttered as he got up to open the door, expecting to see the landlady.
"Listen, I'm pretty sure I've already paid, so I don't know why-" he stopped talking abruptly when he saw no one was there. He was momentarily surprised and then thought someone had just played the lamest prank ever when he heard another knock. He turned around to look out of his window, only to be bewildered by the sight of his Sensei crouching on the other side.
"What the hell?" he said as he closed the door, walked to the window, and opened it.
"Yo." Kakashi greeted, and Naruto observed that he had a white bag in his left hand.
"Kakashi-Sensei? What are you doing here? And why are you outside my window?"
Kakashi lifted the bag he was carrying. "Well, you said you didn't want to go out, so I used the coupon and brought the ramen here instead. I hope you are hungry now." He said with his signature eye smile, completely ignoring the question about why he didn't come through the door like a normal person.
Naruto stared at Kakashi for about thirty seconds in confusion before Kakashi coughed into his fist. "May I come in?"
"Mmm, sure," Naruto said as he shrugged and opened the window farther, letting Kakashi hop in. "Don't pay attention to the mess; no one really ever comes here."
"I don't mind," he said, shrugging. Are you working on fūinjutsu?" Kakashi asked as Naruto tried to clear the table of ink bottles and tags. "You know that you can talk to me if you are struggling with anything?"
"Yeah, I was, and thanks. I read about privacy seals and some other barriers," Naruto answered as he moved everything to the countertops. "I was working on privacy and silencing tags and was about to try them and see if I've done it right."
Kakashi approached him, looked down at the tags, and grabbed one to inspect it. He wordlessly walked towards the door and put it in the center. He made a sign, and the kanji glowed dimly briefly before it stopped. Then, he returned to the table and sat across from his student.
"You know you've done a remarkable job teaching yourself fūinjutsu."
"Thank you." Naruto looked down at his legs, and his mouth twitched at the praise.
Those words meant something coming from Kakashi. Not just because he could hear the sincerity in his words but because he at least had a reference to how good his father had been. The thought of what his father would think of him always made him wonder. Would he be disappointed that he wasn't as talented as he had been? His father had died when he was twenty-four and had sealed the Kyūbi under what Naruto was sure to be less-than-ideal circumstances. He knew that, in theory, he had twelve years to catch up to him, but honestly, he had seen his seal and couldn't even begin to make out heads or tails from it. The only thing he had known before was that it was an even-numbered seal, which wasn't much. He would never have guessed how his seal worked if Kakashi hadn't explained it in the hospital. That line of thought was enough to make his small smile wither away.
"Itadakimasu," he said, accepting the bowl Kakashi pushed before him. He suddenly didn't feel hungry anymore and poked the contents of his still-steaming bowl with his chopsticks.
They sat in awkward silence, and Naruto stared at his ramen. For the first time in his life, it didn't give him a reckless desire to swallow it all in one go.
"You all right, Naruto?" Kakashi asked after a few minutes had passed.
"Yeah," he said quietly before speaking again more clearly. "Yeah, listen. Thanks for the food and all. I know I've been messing up our teamwork, but you don't need to check up on me. I promise I'll be back to my best tomorrow." Naruto said as he looked up from his food and stared at Kakashi with as much determination as he could muster.
They locked eyes for a long time before Kakashi sighed.
"No. You won't. I know you won't."
Naruto's mouth opened in surprise, and his eyes widened before he clenched his jaw and his eyes hardened.
"What did you just say?!" The blonde screamed, his mood taking a turn for the worse.
Kakashi, for his part, didn't react to his student's harsh tone. "That I know that you won't be able to do it."
It wasn't just the words; more than anything, it was the tone. A lot of people doubted Naruto in his life. He was used to it and expected it, but when someone told him he couldn't do something, it was always in a disbelieving tone, and he always took those words as a challenge. But Kakashi's tone was so resolute and matter-of-fact that it didn't fill him with motivation. Instead of feeling motivated or even doubtful, it filled him with a flaming rage.
"Oh yeah? So, tell me, oh, great and wise copy ninja! Why the hell won't I be able to do it?!"
"Because I Know."
"Know what?!" Naruto shouted with all his might as he brought down his fist on the table, causing all the ramen from his bowl to spill. "What could you possibly know?!"
"What you are feeling."
Naruto froze at those words and stared at Kakashi before he burst out laughing, the first laugh he had since he lost control and injured Hinata. It seemed that in more than a week, he had forgotten how to laugh because it didn't feel natural or happy. "How the hell could ev-"
"I've lived longer than you have." Kakashi cut him off, his tone a little sharp but still patient.
At his words, Naruto stopped and glared at Kakashi; however, he didn't seem to want to elaborate, so the blonde crossed his arms in annoyance and turned his head to glare at the window. He didn't know how long they sat in a heavy and tense silence; however, it was Kakashi who spoke again and broke it.
"During the last war..." Kakashi began, and even though he didn't want to show the slightest bit of interest, he still heard him. "One of my teammates was captured by Kirigakure. Her name was Rin."
He wasn't sure how he recognized the name so quickly, but he knew who he was talking about and couldn't help but turn his head to look at Kakashi.
"I managed to rescue her, and we were rushing our way back to the village to escape from the enemy when she suddenly asked me to kill her." If he hadn't before now, Kakashi knew that he had Naruto's full attention. "She said that they had done something to her, that she was putting everyone in danger by coming back to the village. I didn't listen to her, obviously. Eventually, the pursuers caught up with us, and during the fight, she jumped in front of one of my attacks, and I killed her after I had sworn I would protect her."
Naruto's mouth opened, but he wasn't sure what words to speak.
"Months after it happened, I would wake up still feeling her warm blood in my hand. That's how I know." Kakashi said quietly. "I know you are afraid of losing control and hurting Sasuke, Sakura, or anyone else. Don't think I haven't noticed that you have been waiting until I arrive to get anywhere near them. The fear of hurting someone or that someone gets hurt because you failed at something won't go from one day to another."
Naruto looked down, unable to look Kakashi in the eye, and the back of his neck felt hot with shame. Still, he couldn't help but explain. "It's different. You don't have a stupid evil fox that nearly destroyed the village stuck in your gut," he said bitterly.
"Mmm, no, I don't; you are right. However, I saw you struggle with the Kyūbi for control. I saw you fight. Like it or hate it, Naruto, but the Kyūbi is sealed in you, and now you are aware of what can happen. You can be weary of it, but if you ever find yourself in the same situation because it's possible, do you want to be ruled by fear?"
"No," Naruto said instantly.
Kakashi nodded. "I figured. The Kyūbi's chakra reacts to negative emotions like fear, rage, and hatred. I've told you before that we are humans and not tools. Don't be afraid of those emotions either, but control them instead of letting them control you. Even then, you were furious with me just now, and the Kyūbi didn't react, did it?"
"No," Naruto said tentatively before gaining more confidence. "No, it didn't."
"You have a great responsibility, Naruto, and it won't be easy, but—" Kakashi stood up, crossed the table, and put his hand on the top of the blonde's head. "I believe in you blindly."
Naruto's eyes widened as he heard the familiar words. He looked and locked eyes with Kakashi before nodding. "I won't fail."
"I know," Kakashi said as he ruffled Naruto's hair. There's still one more bowl of ramen left. I hope you enjoy it, and see you tomorrow."
"I'm... I'm sorry for acting like a brat."
"Mā Mā, don't worry about it," Kakashi said as he started to open the window before stopping. "Since no one came to disturb you even after you raised your voice, I say that you succeeded with the privacy tag. Good job." And with that, he hopped out into the night, leaving a slightly embarrassed but grinning Naruto.
Naruto left the grocery store the next morning feeling better after talking with Kakashi. He understood and appreciated what he had done, and although it hadn't taken away all the fear and guilt, he did feel better. Still, he focused on sensing for Hinata's chakra signature in case she was anywhere nearby to bolt as soon as she felt her chakra. He had sensed her near him a few times through the weekend, and as soon as he felt that familiar chakra, he dropped whatever he was doing and left the area. It didn't matter if he sensed her around her apartment or on his way to the training grounds, he just couldn't bring himself to see Hinata at the moment. He was so focused on that that he didn't notice when someone approached him and touched his arm suddenly, causing him to fumble with the groceries he had just picked up.
"Hey! Watch it!" Naruto protested, not bothering to look up.
"Mmm, sorry, Naruto-kun. I just saw you and wanted to say hello."
Naruto cursed silently because he knew it would be so much worse if she heard him. "Hey, Yoshino Oba-chan!" He greeted her as brightly as he could. He expected to see a stern look in her eyes when he looked up, but instead, he saw her frowning with a worried look in her eyes.
"Are you alright, Naruto-kun? You seem a little pale. Shikamaru told me you were in the hospital a few nights ago. Are you all right?"
"Oh yeah, just fine!" Naruto bit the inside of his cheek. His voice had come out a little high and squeaky.
Yoshino considered him for a moment before speaking. "Come around for dinner tonight at seven. I miss having someone like you around."
Naruto couldn't help but give an embarrassed grin. "Yeah, I figure it's always quiet with Shikamaru and Shikaku Oc-chan."
"If it were any quieter, I would worry they were dead," she said, returning the smile. "See you at seven, dear."
Naruto shifted his feet. Everything would be alright; he didn't have to be afraid. "Sure. I'll be there." After Naruto said his goodbyes, he went home to prepare and head down for training ground three.
He arrived a little later than he was supposed to, but no harm was done since Kakashi wouldn't be here for another two hours or so.
"Hey guys!" Naruto greeted them as he approached.
Sasuke merely nodded in his direction, and Sakura sighed exasperatedly. "At least you are earlier than Kakashi-Sensei this time."
Naruto grinned as he rubbed his head before plopping down on the ground and taking out his fūinjutsu book. He started reading about the theory behind other types of barriers.
'These are exactly barriers.' Naruto thought as he read and bounced his leg distractedly. These types of barriers were more acute to perimeter traps rather than a barrier that blocked people from entering the designated zone. He could see their usefulness, but it wasn't something that particularly held his interest.
"So, how's your guy's training been going?" Naruto asked, finally breaking the silence.
Sakura looked up and bit her lip in consideration. "I think I'm doing fine. I didn't expect to find genjutsu so interesting, to be honest. According to the scrolls Kakashi-Sensei gave, I need to focus on subtleness and attention to detail. It's better if your opponent never figures out so he doesn't attempt to break out of the genjutsu. After our training sessions, I managed to break out of a few genjutsu Kakashi-Sensei put me under. How about you Sasuke-kun? How is your training going? Do your eyes hurt?" She asked, a little worried.
Naruto looked over at Sasuke and couldn't help but notice how terrible he looked. His Sharingan was active but wasn't the only red in his eyes. He looked like he hadn't been able to sleep in a week due to the redness in his eyes and the purple bags that were forming under them. He also noticed how having his eyes open seemed to be an effort in itself.
Naruto snorted, "He looks like he's about ready to pluck his eyes out if you ask me."
Sasuke turned his sight on him and glared, but at this point, the blonde wasn't sure if Sasuke was looking at him properly. "It's fine. Kakashi says that I only need to do this for a couple more days, and then I will never have to do this again," Sasuke said moodily.
"Mmm, and how about you, Naruto? You haven't been staying to train after we are done. I thought you were already recuperated from your chakra exhaustion?" Sakura asked with a frown.
"I'm taking it easy, but I usually come back at night to train a little," he answered tentatively. "I've been focusing on fūinjutsu anyway. I didn't get to do it while we were in Nami no Kuni."
Sakura stared at him weirdly. "I would never have imagined you taking it easy. It's fūinjutsu, really, that interesting?"
"It is, to me," he said simply. "Much more interesting than genjutsu, if you ask me. I hated the lectures on it back at the academy; they were always so boring."
"You know you should know at least the minimum. If you get trapped in a genjutsu in a mission, how are you going to break out of it?"
Naruto considered the question and racked his brain for how you were supposed to escape a genjutsu before he remembered and snapped his finger. "Well, I remember that someone else can get you out of genjutsu, or if you caused yourself enough pain, you could get out of it."
"You know that you could be on a mission alone, or your partners may not notice that you fell into a genjutsu at all."
"Then I just have to cause myself enough pain to break out of it," Naruto said, shrugging as if it weren't a proper concern.
Sakura facepalmed in exasperation. "Naruto, hurting yourself should always be the last option, and how are you going even to know to hurt yourself if you don't know you are in a genjutsu."
"Fine!" Naruto said, annoyed as he threw his hands up. "Explain to me how to tell if I'm in a genjutsu, then."
And that's how Kakashi found them two hours later. Sakura was screaming at Naruto to pay attention, who was doing his best not to fall asleep, while Sasuke held a miserable expression.
"Ah, good. I'm glad you are trying to share knowledge so you may work better together, leveraging each other's strengths. Well, gather up this. What are we going to do today?"
To Kakashi's pleasure, Naruto seemed to be doing better, though he still seemed apprehensive and sometimes got distracted. Overall, he showed decent improvement when he wrapped up the training session.
"Well, good job, guys, but before I dismiss you, tomorrow I need you to bring your camping supplies with you."
"We are going on a mission again?" Naruto asked excitedly.
Kakashi merely shook his head. "Not quite, but I'll be equally important. Anyway, Sakura, follow me. We are working on your genjutsu again."
"Hai Sensei," Sakura answered before following Kakashi.
Naruto turned to say something to Sasuke but saw he was already leaving. "I guess I'm going to train until I have to go to Shikamaru's house."
The blonde lost track of time as he performed hand sign after hand sign and blew out gusts of wind that were getting progressively stronger. Naruto was slightly disappointed even though he thought he could perform that jutsu decently. It just didn't pack enough power, in his opinion. He practiced the jutsu in front of a tree, and other than making a few cuts in the bark and causing a few leaves to fall, not much else happened.
'I know that the scroll said that it was mainly a supplementary jutsu. To get your opponent off balance or deflect projectiles with, but still...' he thought before sighing and wiping a small trickle of blood from the corner of his mouth. 'Anyway, I better be on my way, so I'm not late.'
'I'm late already!' Naruto thought miserably as he jumped from rooftop to rooftop as the sun was about to set. When he finally arrived at Shikamaru's house, he could see a few figures sitting outside and making out two spiky heads.
"Yo! Shika! Shikaku Oc-chan!" Naruto greeted, and as he got closer, he recognized the other people. It seemed that Ino and Chōji were also here, along with their Sensei, who was sitting across a small table from Shikaku.
"Naruto! Good to see you!" Chōji greeted in surprise as Naruto came to a stop in front of them.
"Naruto? What are you doing here?" Ino asked with a raised eyebrow.
"My mom decided we had too much peace and quiet in this house and invited Naruto so he could bother me some," Shikamaru said as he continued to look at the board that separated his father and Sensei before letting out a loud yawn.
"Oh, come on, Shika! I know you've missed me," he said as he patted Shikamaru hard on the back, almost causing him to topple over.
"Troublesome blonde," Shikamaru muttered as he shook his head, but he couldn't help how his mouth twitched. He had perhaps not missed seeing the blonde every day, but he had to admit that he did keep things interesting. However, his house now had two blondes, too many for his liking.
"So, what are guys doing out here?"
"We are watching Asuma-Sensei lose in shogi again," Chōji said as he plucked a chip from the bag he was holding.
When Asuma heard those words, he bit down hard on his unlit cigarette and glared at the multiple pieces spread before him. Shikaku's chuckle did nothing to alleviate his growing frustration, but this was the game in which he would finally beat him.
"It's so boring!" Ino whined as she threw her hands in the air. "Somehow, he manages to lose faster each time."
Shikamaru simply watched, amused, as a vein that hadn't been there before appeared on his Sensei's forehead.
Chōji nodded fervently. "He has only beaten Shikamaru a handful of times."
Asuma closed his eyes and counted to ten. Oh, he couldn't wait to see Shikaku's shocked expression when he won, and at least those three squirts would learn some respect.
"Anyway, Naruto." Ino turned to him with a coy smile. "How's Sasuke-kun these days?"
"Grumpy as usual." Naruto shrugged but then added. "Scratch that, more than usual."
Ino gave a great dramatic sigh and shook her head regretfully. "I can't blame him. My poor Sasuke-kun is stuck with forehead, having to suffer each day."
Naruto snorted. He always liked Ino better than Sakura. At least it never seemed personal with Ino. Her insults could be rather funny, and once he started improving in the academy, she stopped being mean. To be fair, Sakura wasn't as bad these days as she was in the academy.
"I just wish I was on the same team as my dear Sasuke-kun. We would make such a cool couple together, but instead, I'm stuck with Chōji, Shikamaru, and a chronic smoker." Mumbled Ino.
"Oh, come on, Ino Chōji is great, and Shika... well, if he is lucky, he can become like his dad. I mean, Shikaku Oc-chan is lazier than Shikamaru, but he is cool."
Shikaku hid his smile with a yawn that caused Asuma's blood pressure to rise even further. He turned to glare at the four squirts to make them quiet, but as he was about to speak...
"Tsumi. Good game, Asuma." Shikaku said mock modestly as the sound of one of the wooden pieces hitting the board was heard.
Asuma redirected his sight back to the board, and he dropped his cigarette. He thought the game was going great, but it all seemed an illusion when he played against Shikaku. Right at that moment, the door opened, and out came Yoshino. "Oh, good. I thought I heard your voice, Naruto. Dinner is ready," she said warmly before turning to Asuma. Will you be staying with us, Asuma?"
"Oh no, thank you, Yoshino, but I'm already meeting someone later today," Asuma said as he got to his feet.
"Who's the lucky lady? Is it the same one you bought the flowers for last week?" Ino, ever the gossip, said with a sweet smile.
Asuma froze before he turned towards Ino. "Never you mind, Ino."
He started walking but then stopped again and grinned. "We'll have a mission tomorrow, so be sharp." He said he was already planning to check if Tora, the cat, had escaped again. Also, just to make them more miserable, he would be banning Shikamaru from coming up with a strategy for this occasion. He said his goodbyes and the rest started making their way inside the house.
Naruto couldn't help but glance at the picture of his father with his genin team as he passed it while trying his best not to glance at Jiraiya. He also couldn't help the twinge of annoyance and resentment that started to bubble inside him. He knew why his father had done it; it's just that being a jinchuriki wasn't easy. He let out a sigh as he sat down on the table and tried to clear his mind of the line of thoughts.
It was probably the liveliest dinner that had ever graced the house. Naruto and Ino both drove the conversation one way or another, not allowing one second of silence, much to Shikamaru's annoyance.
"And then Kakashi-Sensei told us we passed, just like that," Naruto told them as he finished recounting the bell test.
Ino had to contain her snort. "Ha! Forehead was the one tied to the log, that's hilarious."
"So, Naruto, how's having Hatake Kakashi as a Sensei? I think this is his first time leading a team of genin, right?" She directed the second question towards her husband.
Shikaku grunted and glanced at his wife curiously. "Yes, he failed all the other teams before."
Naruto searched for words while he munched his food. "Well, he seemed lame at first, and he is always late or reading his stupid book; it was annoying at first, but..." Naruto shrugged. "He is super strong and famous, apparently. He is teaching us a lot of things, and he is kind of cool. He is really cool, actually!" As the blonde continued, his tone contained more and more admiration. Then, he turned a little sheepish and looked down at his plate. "It's just feels like he... cares?" Naruto finished a little wistful, but he didn't quite speak the words he wanted. It just feels like he cares about me.
Shikaku nodded. "Kakashi is one of the brightest shinobi in all of Konoha."
"You seem to like him a lot, especially considering how you reacted when you learned you were assigned to him," Chōji added in between bites.
"Yeah, what was that about?" asked Ino. "You just got up and screamed when Iruka said his name."
"You met Kakashi before?" Yoshino said with a raised eyebrow.
"Something like that I think," Naruto answered uncomfortably, thinking back to the days when he would randomly meet an ANBU agent with spiky gray hair who always went out of his way to be kind to him. He still wasn't sure if it had been Kakashi behind the mask.
Yoshino frowned at the cryptic response before clearing it and smiling. "Has he told you who he was his Sensei?" she asked as he ignored her husband's inquisitive look.
Naruto shook his head before grabbing the glass of water in front of him and drank slowly. Strictly speaking, he didn't lie; it was just that Kakashi had never revealed this piece of information. He just happened to know this information beforehand.
"Who was it?" Naruto asked, trying to fake curiosity as much as he could.
"It must have been crazy strong." Chōji supplied.
"He was," she said, a sad smile forming on her face. "I'll give you guys a hint. He is always looking at the village."
Naruto frowned in thought. At least it wasn't that hard to fake it since he actually had to think how to answer and pretend he didn't know. Sadly, he didn't have much time since someone as smart as Shikamaru was in the room as well.
"The Yondaime Hokage," Shikamaru answered.
'Shit.' He thought before he stood up from his chair. "Wow! No way! That's awesome!" he said with as much shock and fervor as he could.
Thankfully, Yoshino had turned towards his son, so she didn't fully see what he guessed was not the best fake reaction.
"It's not surprising he didn't tell you," Shikaku said, his eyes on Naruto. The blonde couldn't help but feel that he was being analyzed, but then Nara turned to his wife. "I don't know him that well, but I know that Kakashi is an extremely private person, and he would rather not relive the past."
Yoshino crossed his arms and met his husband with a glare. Meanwhile, Naruto was mulling over Shikaku's words. I don't know him that well, but I know that Kakashi is an extremely private person, and he would rather not dwell on the past." But had Kakashi talked to him about Rin just to make him feel better?
Ino let out a sigh and whined. "It's not fair that forehead got put with someone like him while I'm stuck with a bad shogi player and chronic smoker."
"Asuma is also an elite shinobi Ino. He is the son of the Hokage and has long served as the Daimayō's bodyguard," Shikaku commented.
The surprise was evident in all the preteens except for Shikamaru. "What? You guys didn't know?"
All three of them shook their heads, and Shikaku spoke. "It's not something I wouldn't ask Asuma about either. Like Kakashi, he has things that he would rather not talk about."
"Why?" Said Naruto with a frown.
Shikaku considered Naruto for a few seconds. "Being the son of a Hokage isn't easy." He said after a few seconds with finality in his tone.
They continued to chat until Yoshino asked Naruto about his recent stint in the hospital, and he became stiff as a wooden board.
"Ah, y-you know. I was training really hard, and I got a case of chakra exhaustion—ttebayo," he said nervously.
Yoshino frowned at him. "I'm glad you train really hard, but try not to land yourself in the hospital again, Naruto," she said kindly before he flicked Shikamaru in the head, startling him. You could pick up a thing or two if you trained like Naruto."
"Yes Mom," Shikamaru murmured just to appease her.
"You know, it's funny that at least one member of each in our class was in the hospital recently." Commented Chōji.
"Oh, yeah, Hinata was there, too, wasn't she? She looked really beat up when we saw her. Half her face was covered in bandages, and one of her arms was in a sling," Ino said, and Naruto closed his eyes and imagined it. His blood ran cold, and a mysterious hole appeared in his chest. "Although she was feeling well enough to visit you, Naruto," she said with a sweet and meaningful smile he didn't see.
Naruto opened his eyes. "Huh?" Why would Hinata even visit him after what she had seen and what he had done to her?
The rest of the dinner was much quieter, with only one of the blondes really in the mood to speak. When it was time to leave, Naruto said his goodbyes and started walking out of the house, stopping next to the picture of his father again.
He hated being a jinchuriki. He felt like he was going in circles every day. Ever since he learned he was a jinchuriki, he would have sad days, angry days, and days where it all didn't seem that bad. He was just starting to feel better thanks to his talk with Kakashi, and then Ino unknowingly reminded him of what he had done by describing Hinata's injuries. It was a constant back-and-forth that didn't seem to have an end.
He was broken out of his bitter thoughts when a hand touched his shoulder and startled him. He turned to see Yoshino with a sad look in her eyes, and without a word, she crouched down to his height and enveloped him in a gentle hug. Naruto didn't know why, but suddenly, his eyes stung, and his shoulders trembled. It wasn't quite like the hug in the dream he had with his mother, but it was still warm, gentle, caring, and supportive.
"You seemed a little off today, Naruto," she said softly as he looked at her in the eyes when she broke the hug. I don't know what's going through your mind, but know that you will always be welcome in my home."
Naruto's mouth suddenly felt dry, and he didn't trust his voice not to crack, so he merely nodded. He really wished he could say something, anything at all, so Yoshino knew how much those words meant. The only thing he could do was hug her again, and he hoped she understood.
"Good. Now go get some rest," she said and watched as Naruto gave her a watery grin and eyes full of emotion.
She watched the small blonde with spiky hair and the Uzumaki spiral attached to his back walk out of her house. She let out a huge sigh and turned to the picture of her old team.
"He really needs you, Minato. I wish I could do more for him."
Author's notes:
Hey people! It's been a while, ik. Honestly, I lost my passion for writing for a second and had to take a few months off. That and I've been trying to think of what changes I can make to the story and what plotlines to keep while searching for new ones to introduce. Also, randomly, my fic got a lot of favorites and follows for a couple of days. Have any of you seen my fic posted on YouTube or something? I don't have any problems with it. I'd just like to know.
Thanks to Minecard, Rockingmeet05, darkpsychoqueen, nexusplayer, Barry Barlowe, Seventh Lord, Crimson Leo, Bebop2010, InsaneMakaioshin, HurZysn, MaxPrime. A special callout to MatteusN, I don't know if you are still reading the fic, but you are probably the best backhand compliment giver I've seen in the app. No bad blood, it just was kind of hilarious. To Pvtcheeks and Birdly the reaper, I've responded to your reviews in private. Hope it helps clarify things a bit.
I hope you guys liked the chapter. I know it wasn't filled with action, but it had meaningful interactions, so I hope you enjoyed it. The next chapter should be out by the end of the month, but I'm not making any promises. Please review and leave your thoughts, good or bad. I don't mind. It helps me to think about where I can take the story and also motivates me to write.