JENNIE

I jump at the tiniest sound. My gaze has been glued to my phone for the past hour—since Lisa's plane landed. Thiago fusses on my lap. He's tired but he doesn't want to sleep. I'm glad I can focus some of my attention on him because I'm going out of my mind wondering what's happening at the Flacks' right now.

"I'll take him." Sana opens her arms for Thiago. "He needs to go to bed."

I kiss Thiago goodnight and reach for my phone, willing it to ring. Wanting it so desperately to bring me some good news, which is the most insane case of wishful thinking because Kai's not going to suddenly accept me and his sister being in love just because a few hours have gone by, or because his sister repeated what I told him.

Roland is helping Gabriel with his homework. The twins are upstairs, being told by Sana to be quiet from now on because their little brother is going to sleep. It seemed like a good idea at the time to stay with Sana, to have my best friend near while my marriage crumbles, but to come to this place of chaos, this house full of children, after the calm of my parents' home, and the ordeal of facing Kai, was another big mistake. I should have just booked a hotel and have Lisa meet me there. Because I want to see her. I need to know, when I look into her eyes, that this was not for nothing. That we didn't break Kai's heart on a foolish whim.

I unlock my phone and book a hotel near our office. I shouldn't have asked Sana if I could crash here but, when Lisa and I had our long-distance phone conversations planning this, it was as though we couldn't see past the huge hurdle of telling Kai. It felt wrong to suggest booking a room for the two of us, let alone an Airbnb, which would be much more convenient, but we can't just move in together. That's not how this works. Although none of this has gone according to any conventional plans. It's all a big mess so we did the only thing that made sense: lean on our friends. But Sana is busy with her family. She doesn't have time to process this with me and it's not as if she didn't warn me, it's not as if she's ready to give her best-friend blessing to Lisa and me.

I thank Sana and Roland profusely for having me over for a few hours, then get out of there. Darkness falls as I drive to the hotel and a sense of sadness settles over me because this is who I am now. A woman who has left her husband, driving to a lonely hotel room. But was I really better off before? Kai and I stopped choosing each other months ago. Maybe, if Lisa hadn't lived at Mary's, I'd still be there, alone and sad in the pool house, waiting for Kai to come back to me. Maybe I'm the one who officially left him, but he'd already left me, without having the guts to tell me, long before any of this happened.

When my phone does finally ring, I nearly jump out of my skin. I pull over and take Lisa's call.

"Hey," is all she says.

"Hey," I echo. "How did it go?"

"He's so angry and hurt and shocked, Jennie."

"Yeah. Where are you?"

"On my way to Niki's."

"I booked a room at The Rayburn. Can I see you?"

"Oh, fuck, yes. I'll be there in thirty minutes," Lisa says.

I wait for Lisa in the lobby, pacing, my heart rate skyrocketing, my mind scrambling to understand what we've done. But in a few minutes she will walk through those sliding doors and it will all make sense. All the hurt we've caused will at least have a reason. But what if it doesn't? Is there even plausible justification for us choosing each other, choosing ourselves over someone else? From going to the firm no we gave each other to two resounding yeses? Are the feelings we have for each other big enough to pull us through?

The doors open. Lisa walks in and then I know the answer to all my questions. Because we wouldn't have blown everything up if we didn't believe, with every fiber of our being, that we wanted to be together. That we wanted to try something untried. Her hair is a mess and her clothes are disheveled and she has clearly been crying, but she's still the most arresting person in this space.

I haven't seen her in four long weeks and to finally open my arms to her, to feel her body against mine, is what I've been waiting for all this time. If there's no justification for this, then so be it, because this, folding my arms around Lisa and knowing in my bones that what we have is special and profound and beyond any reason for justification, is more than plenty. When you know, you know. And oh, how I know.

"Come on." We take the elevator up to my room—our room—in silence, holding it all in until we have absolute privacy. Her body is hot behind mine as I hold the keycard against the lock and the sound marks the transition to a brand-new episode in my life. A new chapter. Not a new me because I will always be the woman who can't have children and whose marriage failed because of it. But I'm about to add a new layer to my former self, find a place inside myself to shelve some of the pain of the past few months and years, to not let it be the focus of all my actions any longer, to give my mind some reprieve from always thinking about all the things I will never be.

I take Lisa's hands in mine and look into her eyes. I've never seen her this shattered, this reduced to a teary mess, this fragile.

"Maybe the hardest part is over now," I say.

"Maybe." She curls her fingers around mine. "At least we're together now."

"Fuck, it's good to see you." I can't stop looking at her, trying to take in every last feature of her face.

"And you." Her expression softens, as does her grip on my fingers. She lets go, then runs her fingertips over my arms. "I spent most of my time with Jisoo Kim, but I still missed you like crazy." A hint of smile.

"You must really like me, then."

"Like you?" She steps closer. "I love you, Jennie."

Fireworks explode inside me. All the anxiety I've been carrying in my muscles floods out of me. All the reasons for not choosing each other disappear. Because, sometimes, you have no choice.

I cup Lisa's jaw in my hands. "I love you too," I say, then, finally, touch my lips to hers.

Her body melts against mine. Her hands disappear in my hair. The kiss goes from tentative to full-tilt in a matter of seconds. Our hunger for each other has multiplied with time and distance.

"I absolutely need to shower," Lisa says when we break from our kiss.

"How about I join you?"

"As enticing as that sounds, I just need a moment to wash it all off me."

"Of course." I plant a soft kiss on the tip of her nose. "I'll be right here waiting."

"Telling Kai about us is the hardest thing I've ever done. To hurt my brother like that, it's, um… it breaks my heart into a million pieces. It hurts way more than when Niki left me for Seulgi. It's different, because he's family and we're supposed to have each other's back. The things he said to me were awful and I totally deserved them."

Tension seizes my muscles again.

"But I had to do it. I had no choice, even though there should always be a choice. But, when it comes to you, Jennie, I don't feel like I have one."

I nod. "Same." I swallow hard. "It's excruciating, but…" But what? I have no more buts. After all's been said and done, Lisa and I are standing in this hotel room together, choosing each other. For now, it's all that matters. And we're not cheating on Kai any longer. We did the hard thing of telling him. Of course I considered my options when Sana told me to do the hard thing and forget about Lisa, to fall out of love with her. I might have even managed it, given time. I could have gone back to Kai, but it wouldn't have been the honest thing to do. And sometimes, the most honest action is the hardest one to take.