"Get ready to leave for the Gathering!" called Onestar. "I want us to be on time."
Crowfeather stood up, stretching his legs. This would be his first time attending a Gathering in the three moons since Hollyleaf had made her announcement and his world had been turned upside down. Though Onestar hadn't said so explicitly, Crowfeather suspected he thought it best if the other Clans forgot about Crowfeather's family for a bit.
But eventually, it would start to be more suspicious for him not to attend, so this moon, Crowfeather had been chosen to attend.
Glancing across the camp, Crowfeather found Nightcloud sharing tongues with Whitetail. She wouldn't be attending this moon, which was for the best. The less time he spent around his mate the better. If their relationship had been bad before, it was a thousand times worse since the disappearance of their son.
Nightcloud blamed him for his absence. This was no surprise- Nightcloud found a way to blame him whenever anything was wrong with their son. If Breezepelt broke a nail, and Crowfeather was on the opposite side of the territory, it was still somehow his fault.
But this time, Crowfeather couldn't deny that she was probably right. Breezepelt had run away during the Gathering, likely because he couldn't handle the news about his half-ThunderClan kin. If Crowfeather had actually spoken to his other kits when they had confronted him about their parentage the first time, maybe Hollyleaf could have been convinced not to reveal his secret to all the Clans. But instead he had done what he always did- he had run away.
"Crowfeather, are you ready?" asked his mother Ashfoot, interrupting his thoughts. He nodded, and padded after her and his Clanmates as they departed for the Gathering.
As he left, he stole one last glance over his shoulder at Nightcloud. Their eyes met briefly before she turned pointedly back to Whitetail.
Things hadn't always been so terrible between him and Nightcloud. If he had known how bad it would get, he would never have taken her as his mate, no matter how desperately he needed to prove his loyalty to WindClan. Although he had never loved her the way he had loved Leafpool, they had been friends once.
Crowfeather was born alongside two littermates. His mother had told him later that they had been born a quarter-moon early, and they had all been quite weak. But though Crowfeather had grown stronger quickly, his littermates had not. Before a moon had passed, they were both gone. Crowfeather hardly remembered his littermates, but he remembered how lonely it had been in the nursery after they were gone. Though his mother had always given him all her attention, he had been jealous watching the apprentices play, wishing he had friends his own age to play with.
It didn't help that his father could never even be bothered to visit the nursery. "He's very busy being the deputy," his mother had told him. But it had still hurt that his father never even cared to speak with him.
For half a moon, he had been the only kit in the nursery. Until Nightcloud had been born. He still remembered how excited he had been the day her mother had kitted. Ashfoot had bundled him out of the nursery, telling him he could meet the new kits when they were born, and he had waited outside the nursery for what felt like hours, barely able to contain his excitement. He was finally going to have friends his own age!
As it turned out, Nightcloud was the only kit in her litter. He hadn't cared. One friend was a million times better than none, and from the day she opened her eyes for the first time, they had been best friends.
They had spent their time in the nursery making up games and attempting to sneak out to hunt rabbits. Though they never quite succeeded in escaping camp, they spent hours whispering away at how this time their mothers wouldn't catch them. Crowfeather's father died before he left the nursery, but it wasn't as if his father had been overly involved in his life before, so he found himself not caring much.
When Crowfeather had become an apprentice before her, he had still gone back to visit her almost every day, regaling her with stories of the adventures he was going on, and when she became an apprentice too they were just as close as when they were kits.
They had been inseparable- until he had received the prophecy that he was chosen to travel to the sun-drown place to save the Clans. StarClan had appeared to him and told him that he must work with cats from the other Clans and go on a long and dangerous journey.
Crowfeather had been happy to be chosen, but not surprised. He was WindClan's best apprentice, and he was already better at fighting and hunting than many of the senior warriors. It did make sense that StarClan would want him on this quest.
But it wasn't just any StarClan cat who appeared to him- it was his father. His father, who had barely cared about him while he was alive, was suddenly telling him about how he had been chosen out of every cat from WindClan to make this journey. His father, who now had the audacity to act as if he had raised Crowfeather to be a great warrior, when in reality he hadn't raised Crowfeather at all.
Crowfeather had initially protested the quest. He was so close to becoming a warrior, and he didn't want to screw that up by leaving on some fool's errand for moons. Additionally, his loyalty was to WindClan. Why should he work with these cats from the other Clans? Shouldn't he just take a few other WindClan cats and find this sundrown-place first?
And, he didn't want to leave Nightcloud. She was his best friend and, well… maybe his only friend. He had never really gotten along with the other apprentices. He and Nightcloud liked to make fun of them. They made fun of how they were constantly fighting with each other to get the attention of the senior warriors, how the she-cats and toms were always batting their eyes at each other instead of focusing on their training, and how much they struggled with skills that the two of them had mastered moons ago. He had never had the need for any friends other than Nightcloud, so he hadn't bothered making any. So why would he expect to get along with these cats from the other Clans?
But ultimately, his father's urging persuaded him. If his Clan was really in danger, he couldn't let something awful happen to them because he hadn't wanted to go on a quest. So on the night the prophecy cats had agreed to meet, he snuck out of the apprentice den after the other apprentices had gone to sleep. As he left, he snuck one last glance at Nightcloud. I'll be back, he promised her silently.
And then, in the dark of night, he crept out of WindClan. In their moons as apprentices, he and Nightcloud had finally learned how to successfully sneak out of camp, and though he felt strange leaving alone, he had no choice. Deadfoot had been adamant he tell no other cat where he was going- only one cat from each Clan could go, and Nightcloud would have insisted on coming with him.
So though he had tried to keep a positive outlook starting the quest, his attitude towards the other cats quickly turned sour when it turned out that two of the other cats chosen by the prophecy had brought Clanmates along. One of them was even an apprentice, and an irritating one at that. He had left his only friend behind because he had been told of the importance of having exactly one cat from each Clan, but apparently the others had had no such care.
He hated most of the other cats he journeyed with. Stormfur and especially Brambleclaw were bossy furballs who acted as if the other cats should obey their every word. Squirrelflight was endlessly irritating, and her constant bickering with Brambleclaw made him want to claw his ears off. And Tawnypelt was fine, but she slowed the group down more than she helped it, given her injury.
Feathertail was the only one of the group he actually liked. She was kind to him, and he found conversation with her to be easy. Even though she was a warrior and he was only an apprentice, she had listened to him, really listened. Conversation had never come so easily with another cat except with Nightcloud, but the way he felt about Feathertail was completely different. Nightcloud was a good friend, but Feathertail was beautiful and brave and loving, and he wanted to be with her all the time.
So when she had died in the mountains, protecting him from Sharptooth, he had a hard time believing he could ever be okay again.
He had returned to WindClan to find the Clan in a horrible state compared to when he had left, and Nightcloud with her warrior name. She had been furious at him at first for leaving without telling her. He couldn't blame her- he would have felt the same if she had done something like this to him. But quickly, she had forgiven him when she realized how important his quest had been, and they were friends again.
"I can't believe you got your warrior name before me," he had complained. "I'm a whole moon older than you."
"Well I was actually here," she had retorted. "Don't worry. I'm sure you'll get yours soon." And he had, on the Great Journey, and had chosen to be named after Feathertail to honor her sacrifice.
But on the Great Journey, he had also started to become aware that Nightcloud's behavior towards him wasn't how it had been before. She would ask him if he wanted to share prey with her even when there was enough for them each to have their own, and it seemed like she was constantly pressing her pelt against his.
Still, it had taken his mother spelling it out for him to realize what was really happening. "She likes you, Crowfeather," she had meowed, amused. "As more than a friend. She wants to be your mate." He hadn't known how to feel. He liked Nightcloud well enough, but not in that way. Certainly not in the way he had liked Feathertail. He just wanted to be her friend.
So he had brushed off her affection, hoping it would fade and they could just go back to being friends. And shortly after arriving at the lake territories, he had met Leafpool and fallen madly, all-consumingly in love, and he had barely thought about Nightcloud. Until he and Leafpool had parted ways.
Returning back to his Clan, he had found that no one trusted him anymore. Before, he had been one of his Clan's most-respected warriors. There had been whispers that he might even be leader one day. But now, everyone thought of him as a traitor.
So he had done the one thing he could think of to convince his Clan he was loyal only to WindClan. Something he would regret until the day he died. Not even a quarter-moon after returning to WindClan, he had gone to Nightcloud and asked her to be his mate. He didn't love her, not in the way she loved him, but he knew she would say yes, and besides, he enjoyed her company well enough. Surely being her mate wouldn't be that bad.
And oh, how wrong I was, he mused bitterly.
"Be careful crossing the bridge," called out Onestar, jolting him from his memories. "It looks like it's wet." They had arrived at the Gathering.
Crowfeather shook himself from his reminiscing. He had to keep his head about him. He looked down at the log crossing to the island, and as Onestar had said, it looked damp and slippery. Carefully, he placed one foot on the log, then another, and made his way carefully across. The last thing he needed for his first Gathering in three moons was to embarrass himself by falling into the lake.
Soon enough, all of WindClan had made it across to the island. He scanned the crowd of gathered cats. RiverClan and ShadowClan cats were scattered throughout the clearing, engaged in friendly conversation. ThunderClan hadn't arrived yet. No surprise there- they usually arrived last. "It's because we have to come from so far away," Firestar had tried to explain one time. But Crowfeather suspected ThunderClan liked to arrive last so they could make a dramatic entrance. Classic ThunderClan. Always thinking their time is so much more valuable than anyone else's.
He noticed several cats were staring at him and whispering to each other. Fine. Let them whisper. He wasn't going to feel ashamed about Leafpool's lies. He hadn't known any more than any of these cats.
Across the clearing, his eyes met Tawnypelt's. She gave him a soft smile and a nod, and he nodded back. At least he still had one ally in another Clan. To his left, Kestrelflight was walking over to meet Flamepaw and Littlecloud. To his right, Heathertail was crossing the clearing towards a group of young RiverClan cats. He was proud of his former apprentice. She was quickly becoming one of WindClan's strongest warriors. Boulderkit and Furzekit would be apprenticed soon, and he wouldn't be surprised if Onestar chose Heathertail to mentor one of them.
He wondered how she was feeling about the absence of Breezepelt. She had been practically inseparable with his son when they were kits, and they had been quite close before he disappeared, too. He had thought once that they might end up becoming mates. She must be missing him quite a bit now.
Just then, he heard a stampede of footsteps behind him as ThunderClan cats poured into the Gathering. ThunderClan always brought a large cohort of cats to Gatherings. They want to show off how big their Clan is, thought Crowfeather. Well, it's easy to have a lot of warriors when half of them are half-Clan or kittypets.
Scanning the group of ThunderClan cats, he didn't spot Squirrelflight or Leafpool, which was for the best. He didn't know what he would say to either of them. He had heard from his Clanmates who had attended the last few Gatherings that Leafpool was no longer a ThunderClan medicine cat. As punishment for breaking the warrior code and bearing kits, she had been forced to step down and become a warrior. He was surprised Firestar had chosen to punish his own daughter so harshly, but that seemed to be the decision he had made. Now, Jayfeather was ThunderClan's sole medicine cat. My son Jayfeather.
Speaking of Jayfeather, he was entering now alongside Lionblaze. He thought back to all of the other Gatherings he had seen them at. They were always with their sister, Hollyleaf. The three of them had seemed practically inseparable. They must be mourning her tremendously.
Finally, Brambleclaw entered at the back of the group. They locked eyes, and Brambleclaw made his way over to him. What does he want?
"Hey," meowed Brambleclaw, coming to a stop in front of him. "Can we talk?" He hadn't seen Brambleclaw since the Gathering where Hollyleaf had revealed he was the true father of Brambleclaw's kits. Though he hadn't liked Brambleclaw during their journey to find Midnight, he had come to consider him a friend during the Great Journey. It was strange interacting with him now, knowing what they now knew.
"Yeah," replied Crowfeather. "Yeah, sure." Brambleclaw led him away into the trees, walking until they were out of earshot from the rest of the gathered cats.
"I've been wanting to talk to you for a while now," meowed Brambleclaw. "I've looked for you at gatherings."
"I think Onestar thought it was best if cats saw as little of me as possible," joked Crowfeather dryly. "I think he was hoping everyone would forget what happened."
Brambleclaw nodded. "Firestar is doing the same. Leafpool hasn't been to a Gathering since… well, you know. And Squirrelflight has only been to one." Brambleclaw pronounced Squirrelflight's name with no small amount of venom in his voice. She had lied to him too, along with the rest of ThunderClan. Brambleclaw had raised three kits as his own, only to realize they were never really his.
Brambleclaw went on. "I just wanted you to know… I didn't know, Crowfeather. I didn't know they were your kits. I would have told you if I did." Crowfeather wondered if this was really true. If Brambleclaw's beloved mate had asked him to keep this secret, would he really have gone behind her back for Crowfeather? Doubtful. Still, he appreciated the sentiment.
"Thank you," meowed Crowfeather with a nod. "I didn't know either. If I had…" He had thought every day about what he would have done if he had known Leafpool was pregnant with his kits. He would have stayed with her, for sure. He would have run away from the Clans with her to raise the kits if she had asked. Would have raised them in WindClan if she had asked. Would have done any number of things that weren't immediately running to take Nightcloud as a mate. "Well, I would have told you too," he finished.
Brambleclawe nodded. "Thank you," he meowed solemnly.
Crowfeather hesitated. "You did a good job," he meowed finally.
Brambleclaw blinked. "What do you mean?"
"I mean, you did a good job raising them. They grew into fine cats, all three of them. I know that's your doing- I had no hand in it. You were a good father, even though they weren't really yours." It pained him to say it, because Crowfeather wished desperately he had gotten to be their father. Wished he had gotten to raise them with Leafpool. But he hadn't. And he couldn't deny the fact that Brambleclaw had raised them well. Probably a lot better than Crowfeather had raised Breezepelt.
"Oh. Thank you," meowed Brambleclaw awkwardly. "I mean, they're good cats. They weren't difficult to raise. I still think… even though Squirrelflight lied to me, and I will never forgive her for that, I'm still grateful it happened. I'm grateful I got the chance to know them, and to be in their lives. They made it better in every way." He broke off suddenly, as if he had just remembered who he was speaking to. "Of course, you should have gotten that opportunity too! They're your kits, after all."
"I wish I had gotten to," he meowed softly. He could have been the one with those kits in his life. They could have made his life better in every way. "Still," he went on. "If it couldn't be me, I'm glad it was you. You're… you're a good cat, Brambleclaw. And a good father." It was the nicest thing he could bring himself to say. Brambleclaw was still ThunderClan, after all. But it was true.
"I appreciate you saying that," meowed Brambleclaw. "You are too, you know."
Crowfeather wanted to laugh. "You don't have to say that. I know the kind of father I am."
"I mean it," Brambleclaw pushed on. "I saw you and Breezepelt, on our journey to the mountains. I saw the warrior he's grown into. You have a lot to be proud of. He was so brave in the battle against the cats attacking the Tribe, even when he was outnumbered. He clearly cares a lot about Clan tradition, and was one of the strongest proponents of spreading it to the Tribe. And he was brilliant at mentoring the Tribe to-be's… I was so impressed by how much he and Hollyleaf were able to teach them in such a short time. He was so patient with them, even though they had so much trouble understanding our battle tactics."
Crowfeather didn't know how to respond. He was shocked Brambleclaw had paid close enough attention to Breezepelt to notice these things during the brief time they had been traveling together. But more than that, how had Brambleclaw noticed all of these great things about his son that he himself had never noticed?
He knew Breezepelt was fearless. It got him into trouble more than it helped him, since it led to a tendency to charge into battle before thinking about if that battle should be fought at all. But he had never viewed that as a positive trait the way Brambleclaw did.
And of course, Breezepelt had been fiercely loyal to WindClan. Again, this led him into trouble quite a bit, with him almost starting a battle with RiverClan one time because Breezepelt thought they had been intruding on WindClan territory. But maybe it was an admirable trait that Breezepelt loved his Clan so much that he couldn't help but defend it.
And he certainly hadn't noticed Breezepelt being a skilled mentor to the to-be's. If he really thought about it, maybe it wasn't surprising Breezepelt was a skilled mentor. As an apprentice, he had gotten the other apprentices to listen to him several times, even Harespring, who was three moons older. Right before they had gone to the mountains, Breezepelt had led a patrol of the other apprentices out to see if dogs had returned to the far end of WindClan territory. Onestar had been furious the apprentices had gone out on their own without getting permission first, and Nightcloud had been furious that Breezepelt had put himself in danger, but he supposed it was impressive that his son was able to get all the other apprentices to listen to him and rally together to try to help their Clan.
Why hadn't he noticed these things about Breezepelt? He had had his own tasks going on in the mountains, he reasoned. He hadn't had time to be checking in on his son. But Brambleclaw had apparently had the time. How did Brambleclaw see so much good in his son that he had been unable to see?
Looking up, he saw Brambleclaw was still watching him, waiting for a reply. "Thank you," he meowed finally. "Thank you for saying that. You're right. He's… a good cat. I hope he's okay."
Brambleclaw's expression suddenly shifted to one of mortification, and Crowfeather could tell he had forgotten Breezepelt was missing. "Oh… oh Crowfeather, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have brought it up."
"No, no, it's okay," he reassured Brambleclaw. "Really, it's fine. I was glad to hear you talk about him like that."
"I'm sure he'll come back," insisted Brambleclaw. "Hollyleaf's news was a lot to take in for all of us. I bet he's just clearing his head, and he'll be back in WindClan in no time. He's a smart cat- I'm sure he's okay." Crowfeather hoped this was true. In the beginning, he had thought the same. This wasn't the first time Breezepelt had disappeared for a bit when he was angry. Crowfeather suspected he felt stifled by Nightcloud, and he had no ability to be alone to clear his head when Nightcloud was constantly fussing over him. But he had always come back within a day. It had been three moons now, and he felt like if Breezepelt was going to come back, he would have by now.
"I'm sure he will," meowed Crowfeather, trying to reassure himself as much as Brambleclaw.
Just then, he heard Leopoardstar's yowl calling the Gathering to order. He and Brambleclaw slipped out of the trees to rejoin their Clanmates, with Crowfeather heading back to sit by Tornear and Brambleclaw padding over to join the other deputies at the foot of the tree.
The rest of the Gathering was uneventful, and before long, Onestar was calling WindClan back together to head back to camp. Crowfeather nodded a goodbye to Brambleclaw before following his Clanmates back over the log. The return crossing was more eventful than on the way in, because Antpelt slipped off and fell into the lake, but soon they were on their way.
And on the walk back to camp, while his Clanmates laughed and teased Antpelt for his fall, asking him if he was sure he wasn't a RiverClan cat, Crowfeather couldn't stop thinking about Brambleclaw's words. You have a lot to be proud of, he had said. And he was right. Breezepelt had so many traits to be proud of, and somehow Crowfeather had never noticed any of them. He had never hated his son, not in the way Nightcloud insisted he did. He had always known he would do anything to keep him safe. But had he been proud of him? Had he supported him? Had he loved him, the way a father should, and let him know often enough?
No. He had been a terrible father. How could he have let his relationship with his son turn just as cold as his relationship with his own father? No wonder Breezepelt had left. He must have thought his father didn't care about him at all. And now, it might be too late to ever convince him otherwise.