Chapter 35:
Standing in the door of the Queen's office, Agent Preston waited patiently, though nervously. He'd gotten the audience. That was step three of a much larger overall plan. Just getting an audience with the Queen of Hearts was a very dangerous endeavor. Still, few things on the face of Ooo were as dangerous as actually having that audience.
Her Royal Eminence, the Ineffable Queen of Hearts had the heart of a viper and the sense of humor of a rabid weasel. Many a courtier had met his or her doom in this very room at the hands of her private guards.
Preston had to dare her suspicion and wrath both to influence her to do something very much against her best interests. He had to convince her that the Pirate Princess was massing ships to attack the Heart Kingdom's merchant marine, and that would be the easy first step.
The slippery spot would be convincing her that the pirates were gathering their fleet in Stilt Town. Could he do that, the Heart Kingdom's massed warships would strike the domain of the Lady of the Lake full force.
The result of all the machinations would be a shit-show of epic proportions. The pirates would lose their shit when their safe-haven was disturbed, but more to the point, it would attract the attention of Billy the Human and possibly even Fionna. The threat to a key possession of the King of Ooo would get one or both siblings racing south on an airship to save Stilt Town.
Preston would never be able to show his face here in Heart Kingdom again. It would be dangerous for a wax-hustler to even approach one of the Queen's courtiers, much less to seek an audience. However, if all went to plan, the garrison in Coca Kingdom would be stripped bare to protect King's Island and Stilt Town, letting the strike force move in and seize the rocket base.
As Preston repeated his instructions for the fourteenth time, the grandee standing beside the Queen's desk leaned down to hear her words. Gesturing at the man who stood before the desk, the functionary made a slashing motion. As those gathered for an appointment watched, the burly guard lopped off the supplicant's head off on the spot.
A gaggle of maids rushed in. One scooped the head into a basket and hauled it away. Two chunky specimens of femininity began rolling the dead man up in the rubbery mat he'd been standing on. In short order, two more maids were rolling out a new mat, while the other three cleared away the evidence of unpleasantness.
And then the Queen's minister motioned for Preston to come forward.
Far to the east, a small airship circled lazily over the half-buried sight of a wrecked spaceship. The place was very difference than what Finn had described, but it had been decades since the big man had been in this place.
"Still uncovered," Blargetha remarked. "We won't have to do a whole lot of digging to get at it." The only unknown left was the local wildlife. If Bonnie's anti-goo-bro device worked as advertised, it should be a relatively safe operation.
"There," Sarah murmured. "That looks like a good spot..." Glancing at where she was looking, Blargetha was horrified to realize it was nowhere near the clearing.
"You... Can't you get any closer," Blargetha demanded? "We're doing a rolling landing," the android retorted. "That saves fuel for us to maybe haul something out of here, if we're successful."
If the hopeful not in her words was intended to ameliorate Blargetha's complaints, it had little effect, as the slime princess complained volubly the whole way down. She was still complaining as Sarah engaged the thrust-reversers to bring the little ship to a halt.
Popping the canopy, the android woman said, "stay here. I'll get the defensive systems out of the hold and get them setup." "W-what if something comes," Blargetha asked? Rolling her eyes, Sarah retorted, "stay in your seat. Use the radio."
Closing the canopy, the android headed back to the door covering the little ship's cargo hold. There, she gathered up the repeater antenna that would convey the signal keeping the ugly mutants inhabiting the area at bay.
Whistling a tune, her mind far away on the business of recovering the Ark, the tall woman began setting up the camp. Her memories of Bonnie's life in the early days told her that it was critical to have camp set up well before nightfall. You didn't want to be trying to gather firewood or camping materials after dark because you'd be competing against whatever animals were out there in those woods.
By the time she finished her work and had the anti-mutant screen setup, Blargetha was figuratively climbing the walls. Returning to the cockpit, Sarah popped open the canopy, announcing, "all done. You can come out now."
Glaring at her, the slime princess clambered awkwardly from the cabin. Scrabbling down the ladder, the plump woman doffed the helmet she'd been wearing and took a good look around.
"It's healthier for a pregnant woman to exercise," Sarah remarked. Blargetha cussed her ineffectually.
Moving on, the tall android got down to the business of laying out bedding and cooking gear. In short order, she had a fire going and a nice stew simmering over the flame.
Silence reigned as the pair ate. It wasn't anything Blargetha was unused to. They weren't exactly friends. They talked about work, mostly, when they talked at all. Still, with the lab far away and the only company here being Bonnie's double, Blargetha was bored and feeling the emptiness of the moment.
Socially awkward, the slime person couldn't think of a way to somehow break the ice, and the silence continued as both women finished up dinner. As Sarah cleaned the dishes, Blargetha fell back on the habits of a lifetime.
Taking up a stick, the plump woman began to sketch, some of the ideas rattling around in her head. "Same as always," muttered the android.
Blargetha looked up in puzzlement. "War and violence," Sarah muttered. "It's like that's all you love and care for."
"Hardly," Blargetha harumphed. "I love my man, and I love my child. I'm even starting to love my idiot sister."
Sarah snorted in derision, telling Blargetha that something else was at play here. "Say it," she growled. When the robotic-hottie glanced up, the slime woman declared, "you've been pissing down my back for a good while now. It's almost reflexive. You hate me for some reason, though we hadn't even met until recently, and frankly you shouldn't have any memories of me falling out with Bonnie, since the two of us mostly got along."
"You tried to kill Bonnibel and Nadia," Sarah growled. It came out just like that. Ordinarily, the android woman's logic kept implicit control over her tongue, but when it came to this creature, sanity often seemed to go out the window.
"I see now," Blargetha chuckled. "You're taking business into the personal realm..." "Business," Sarah snapped, as she shot to her feet?!
"It was war, Sarah," Blargetha muttered. "I sometimes wonder what the hell Bonnie was thinking when she made you because you're more emotionally handicapped than she is."
Though the sex-droid bristled, the slime woman rode over her, muttering, "war isn't personal. Got nothing personal against Nadia or Bonnie. Knew them both for years and got along with Nadia better than most."
"You have a funny way of showing that," Sarah retorted. "We were in a war," Blargetha shot back.
In response to the android-woman's glares, the plump princess, remarked, "evil shit gets done in wars. Women pretend we'd never do awful fucking things to each other, but if anything, we're worse. Men have the bravado to show mercy. Women don't have that kind of courage. We just react when threatened. I didn't set out to kill your best friend, but she was lined up on the other side, and I wanted to live."
"Yes," Sarah responded, "you're just a pragmatist. No good, no evil. Just cold logic... do you even hear yourself? A lot of evil's been done in the name of logic."
"I'm honest about what I am, Sarah," Blargetha retorted. "I don't pretend that I'm not grasping... I grasped for the throne to protect myself from 'Letta's antics. You should understand that because Bonnie literally turned off pieces of your brain to keep you from threatening her."
Flushing to her hair, the android glanced away. "It's fascinating," Blargetha chuckled. "He... talks about you... about the things you went through... just like you were a child dealing with an abusive parent..."
Sarah tensed. She knew who he was. "You don't know anything about it," she muttered. "Enough to know you had your issues with your... mother the same as I had with mine," Blargetha responded.
"I grasp for power," Blargetha murmured, "because I'm not an altruistic android blessed with unfettered logic." "I'm not unfettered," Sarah muttered.
Blargetha chuckled, "but you are painfully honest. Like him." Smiling, the plush princess declared, "I grasped for power to save my own skin. You don't have much choice when crowns are in play, Sarah. You know this to be true."
Sarah sighed heavily. Blessed with perfect logic as she was, she could see the point her nemesis was trying to raise. She reminded the plump woman, "you're now the King's wife—officially acknowledged as such..."
Laying the stick in the fire, Blargetha interrupted, "I'm the King's Royal Concubine, a little bit higher on the pecking order because I've given him children. My position is vulnerable because I can be replaced at any time by someone he likes more. I have to be more than a pussy for him to shoot off in, Sarah. At the same time I have to be more than the outlaw that does awful things at his command."
"That's the way you see things," Sarah retorted. "It doesn't take much for a man to see things the same way, Sarah," Blargetha retorted.
Shaking her head, the plump woman declared, "this isn't really getting us anywhere, is it?" Blowing out a breath, the android woman admitted, "I understand why you feel what you feel. I... wish I could make you understand... but I acknowledge that you have valid concerns."
"Anyways," Blargetha said. "I think I'm going to turn in early. I'm guessing you're going to be as tedious as Finn about my working hours..."
There was a hopeful note in her words. Sarah cruelly crushed those hopes by replying, "ten hours a day. Not a second more."
As the pair settled in for a long night in the wilderness, back in the Candy Kingdom, Minerva stood staring into the glowing flames of an engine. Finn could tell she was doing sciency stuff because that was the same expression Sarah often got on her face, when she was using the tech in her body.
The scene before him was meaningless to Finn. All he had to go on was the heat (it was flippin' hot even outside the room) and the horrendous noise. He couldn't even really tell what his mom was thinking because androids seemed to have the worst poker face.
"Shall we throttle down," asked Starchman? "No," Minerva responded. Frowning, the little guy remarked, "we're well past the nominal run time..."
A glance at his mom was of absolutely no help, so he glanced back at Starchman. "We only need ten minutes of continuous burn on ascent," the egghead explained. Minerva shushed him, telling Finn that she wanted the business to continue for some reason.
The big man found himself checking his watch, as the machine continued to roar. On and on, the engine burned until finally it sputtered to a halt for lack of fuel.
When Finn checked his watch one last time, it was fifteen minutes past the point where he'd asked his question. So maybe thirty minutes total, he guessed? It has thirty minutes worth of go-juice. Is that enough? It seems so small...
"Tear it down," Minerva commanded. "I want every part examined. Have the report on my desk tomorrow afternoon."
Before Finn had completely registered that the test was over, his mom was halfway to the door. The big man hustled to catch up.
Outside, their bodyguards hustled to get the car started, leaving Finn alone with her. "I...," he started to say. "My family's safety will be dependent on that thing," Minerva announced. "Possibly a grandchild or a daughter-in-law. Maybe my son."
Finn flushed to his hair. There were moments where Minerva—Min—was distant and cold. It sometimes felt like he was dealing with a computer. Times like this, where little bits of stray emotion peeked through gave him hope.
Reaching out, he took her hand, the way he'd done with Margaret, while she was alive. Minerva squeezed his hand back, no more than that.
As the car rolled to a stop in front of them, she declared, "I would've preferred to build the parts here in Bonnibel's kingdom. We'll have to look at that in the future. For now, let's go home and have dinner." "Bet," Finn agreed.
Meanwhile, off the coast of the civilized kingdoms, Gordon Wells sat himself in the office his people had constructed in the belly of the ship they'd taken from Kim Kil Wan. Though the dogicorn had been irritated by that, Gordon scarcely cared at all. The ability to move their operation at will, blending into the common traffic on the high seas was well worth it.
Toggling keys on the desk, the spymaster activated the secure communications system. As the room grew dark, the glowing faces of his station chiefs in Jungle Kingdom and Heart Kingdom.
"Good evening," Idris Gatwa greeted him. "Director," John Robards greeted him. "Gentleman," Gordon responded. "Where are we with preparations?"
With all that was going on, there was little time to dick around. They were on the clock. The longer they used this channel, the greater the risk that their adversaries would find out.
"Preston made contact with the Queen of Hearts this morning," John announced. "It was touch and go, and he came close to getting geeked a couple of times..." "Did he convince the old bat to attack Stilt Town," Gordon demanded?
"Yeah," Robards responded. "I was getting to that. There'll be a full-blown invasion. They intend to take Stilt Town... maybe turn it into an outpost with one of the old bat's people in charge."
Gordon smiled. That was sure to get William Mertens on a flight to Stilt Town in short order. He couldn't let anybody hurt his little bitch, Red Kate, after all. It might even be enough to siphon off soldiers from Finn's army.
Moving on, he turned to Idris, who declared, "the trap is set. The barrier will go down on schedule. Fionna the Human will experience a very warm welcome upon her arrival."
Gordon couldn't help giggling. As the pair on the phone looked on, his giggles turned to chortles and cackles of unholy glee. Everything was in place. They were going to do tremendous damage to Finn the Human and his empire.
Gordon's moving towards the endgame. The iceberg has appeared on the horizon. Can Finn steer the Empire of Ooo around it before the collision?