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Ianto sat on the plane wondering if this was some sort of cosmic joke.

Perfect.

As the landing gear engaged and several of those around him cried out like they were blowing up or something he could not help but wonder why he even bothered to look out the window. Maybe it was preferable to looking at the empty seat that should have been for the bitch that was supposed to be sitting beside him who had broken his heart and let him know on no uncertain terms that he was less than dog's bollocks dragging in the long grass on a summer's day.

He half-pie wished the plane would go down for real, only the fact innocent people were also on board stopping him from spiralling into madness.

And it the holiday been such a good plan.

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"Ianto, did you pack the other swimsuit?"

"Yes love, it's in the pocket… with the sunscreen." Ianto called back as Lisa rummaged in the bag. It drove him mad; they had just landed on this fucking luxury getaway, and she was already making his teeth ache. He added "I said I would unpack you once I was done."

"I know, but I wanna go to the pool and meet my parents while you do that" she yelled back "found it. In with the sunscreen."

"Oh… was it?" he asked sarcastically then taking a deep breath as he told himself to calm the fuck down.

The diamond ring in his pocket was so damned heavy and the romantic getaway had been specifically designed for this proposal he had all thought out and prearranged. The shock of her telling him she had invited her parents and her brother's family along for the ride had stumped him and in a fit of childishness he had invited Rhiannon and HER family too. Felt childish but at the same time… this was the trip of a lifetime and if he was now force to pay three times the original price… why not make it fucking four?

He wondered yet again if he was with him just for the perks. She had no idea of his real worth, he never told anyone what he had squirreled away not even Rhiannon knew his inheritance was double hers in cash alone and the investments made since had more than doubled that again while she had let her feckless husband piss most of hers away.

Ianto exited the bathroom to groan at the sight that greeted him, the suitcase wide open and upended with clothes strewn everywhere. "Look at it, like a fucking wart hog ferreted through it."

He sniggered as his Grandy's voice came out of his mouth, his ability to mimic others something that always amused his niece and nephew. Speaking of which, they would be in the pool too. He should really just go have fun and clean up after.

Should.

But this is Ianto Fucking Jones and God save the day anyone would accuse him of not being squared away.

It was only another ten minutes to clear up and change, heading to the pool in the weird board shorts Lisa and chosen for home to find the entire family in the pool area laughing and playing, the kids being little shits along with others from the resort.

"Finally," Lisa said as she saw him approach "Go get me another martini, or at least something with a bloody umbrella."

Ianto turned on his heel and walked to the bar, ordering something with a bloody umbrella, then in a fit of childishness, he plucked up one of the huge sun umbrellas sitting to one side for those who wanted them over their seats, dragging it all to her and plonking it down, making her squeal.

She sat up to stare at the huge umbrella and then started to snort with laughter "God, you are such a fucking arse."

"Good enough?"

"Ianto love… you are a scream" she settled back and lowered her sunglasses, the kids screaming in the distance and he settled to watch those gorgeously long legs move in the sunlight.

She was a black goddess.

Her mother was not half bad for her age either, good genes telling Ianto Lisa would age well. Her father on the other hand, a fat old pig like the younger version of their son on the other side arguing with his poor hapless wife.

He had not really ever gelled with Marcus. Marcus did not approve of the white man and had told Ianto on more than one occasion that he was just Lisa's rebellious stage and he would soon get real an find another Lion instead of a silly giraffe.

Ianto sat back and considered the man he now called a big hat hippo in his head.

What a waste of money… all these people and he hoped that at least they would get time alone for the proposal.

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"Ianto, what are you doing you silly man?"

They finally had the moment, the waterfall in the background, the photographer that cost an arm and a leg there to document it and as Ianto sank to one knee, he reacceding to his pocket to get the ring.

Her eyes widened "You are not seriously gonna propose, are you? Christ on a buttered toast, come on Ianto. This is a bit of fun but… I do NOT see you as father material and I want my kids to be black… like me."

Ianto froze.

"What?"

"Honey, you are fun. You pay for things, and we have a laugh, you always remember my friend's birthdays and we can count on you as a sober driver… you know I care for you … lots… but… I don't see you as a long-term provider for me. I wanna find someone to keep me as a queen. Not now mind… we can still have fun for a few more years but by the time I reach thirty I wanna have a nice stable black adonis on my side, a baby in the oven at least if not already popped out and I live the lap of luxury as a stay-at-home mum with his credit cards. You can't do that for me and even if you could magically get a promotion at the shitty little place you work for… our kids… I mean… what if they come out looking like you?"

Ianto was still frozen, his eyes boring into her as she grimaced and added "I know I sound like a bitch, don't look at me like that. You are a fine-looking fella but… I want them black. You know… some mixed-race kids come out white. I don't know if I can do a white baby. That would be… weird."

Ianto withdrew the hand, the ring still in his pocket as he rose to face her, her height something he always loved. A woman tall enough to make eye contact.

"So, this entire trip was… what… just a hoot?"

"Well, Melva and Delphinium are meeting us when their plane gets in tomorrow, ya know. For the rest of the week, Adriana's the next day. She's bringing her bother too."

"Wait… that's… four more people? Four of your mates? Who paid for that?" he squeaked with horror, knowing the answer even as she laughed and pointed at her phone, the credit card in the cover his.

Of course it was.

Ianto felt something he had not felt with her before.

It washed over him like some sort of lava from a volcano that erupted on the top of his head, the heat flowing down to his toes as he stared at the woman that he loved… desired… fucking lusted after… realizing that she was a fucking demon.

Without a word, he turned and walked away.

He had nothing more to say to her, they were done.

And she was about to learn why you should never poke a dragon.

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Now I started writing this one at the beginning of the month, long before the Turbulence episodes so I apologize for once again for foretelling something happening but damn… I am too scared to mention a singer now since the last few I called out then died EEEK