Naruto made a disgruntled noise.
A few of them noticed.
"Oh… Well, well…" Toru began, in spite of the fact that he looked almost as taken aback. "If it isn't the consequences of your own actions…"
"…I'm not the one who decided to go dimension-hopping." Naruto grunted. He only briefly looked at Kakashi, who sat himself near the grinning Hokage and the scowling Sasuke.
"Sasuke." Kakashi said, smiling. Well, his eyes crinkled up, which meant he was smiling. "You're back, then."
"Not for long." Sasuke muttered, glaring at the Hokage.
"Lover's quarrel…?" Kakashi mused, almost silently.
The Hokage rolled his eyes — including his shiny, new Rinnegan. "Don't be like that just because you lost your exclusive rights to your eye, Sasuke."
"Be like what, dead last…?"
"Grow up." The Hokage patted him on the shoulder. "The Academy was twenty years ago."
"He is not wrong there, Sasuke." Kakashi conceded. "For once." Hearing this, the Hokage protested. "It might be time to find another angle here."
Sasuke frowned. "Why should I even listen to you, Kakashi…?"
Kakashi wagged his finger. "Well, as your only mentor—"
"That was twenty years ago, too."
"And Orochimaru was his mentor, too." Toru piped in, almost eagerly. Nervous, too. The man took his presence in stride.
"Ah, yes." Kakashi nodded, his voice lowering… almost confidentially. "As your only mentor who's not interested in you for your body—"
"Don't say it like that." Sasuke growled. Toru laughed.
"Like… what?" Kakashi frowned. "Besides, I taught you half of everything you know."
"Like what…?" He folded his arms.
"Well I taught you how to better the Rasengan, didn't I…?" Kakashi mused. "It became the basis of your—"
"That was Naruto." Sasuke said dismissively.
"Ah, yes. How could I mix things up…? My loyal student, not the wayward one." Kakashi palmed his forehead.
Sasuke gave him a dry look.
"What?" Kakashi threw his hands up in the air. "I tried."
"One third of your students ended up leaving the village." Sasuke grunted.
"Two thirds stayed loyal to it… and three thirds are currently loyal to it."
"Currently."
Kakashi shrugged. "I kept you out of jail, that was really the most I could do."
"Out of jail…?" Sasuke gritted out. "On what grounds should I even have stayed there..?"
"Well, you know…" Kakashi said evenly.
"I killed two Akatsuki members, both enemies of Konoha — including my own brother. I saved the world—"
"Helped save the world." The Hokage corrected. "And Kakashi was here. Sakura too."
Sasuke frowned. "Was she…?" Kakashi shot him a very unimpressed look. Sasuke shook his head and continued.
"I killed a deep state agent within Konoha. You could say I… unrooted him, even." Sasuke said with dark satisfaction. "A man who was actively conspiring against the Hokage and Konoha itself in a power grab."
"I killed the elders in my own world, too." Naruto, who had been silent until now, nodded. "…I think."
"You… think…?" The Hokage frowned. "The old man's friends…?"
"…They were probably different back there." Naruto just waved it off. Toru glared at him.
"Like our sen—" Toru began.
Sakura silenced him.
(Non-lethally, of course, they were friends.)
"If you say so…" The Hokage frowned. "Were they Akatsuki too?"
"I don't think so." Naruto admitted.
"Enemies, still." Karin nodded. "Probably."
"Bad people." Hanabi added. "For sure."
"Bad people or people you don't like…?" The Hokage asked, trying to force his new eye to perceive the truthfulness of the statement. He was mostly squinting.
Sakura shrugged. "What's the—" Toru cut her off.
Ino redirected the conversation toward Sasuke, very carefully.
"I think Sasuke's not done justifying himself." She said.
Naruto sent her the mental equivalent of a thumbs up.
'You're the best.'
'Of course. Best wife, too.' She nodded smugly.
'It's not a competition… but stop putting Sakura down.' He laughed.
"So, yeah." Sasuke said, glaring. "Tell me, Kakashi. Why would I have been sent to jail…? Name someone I've killed who wasn't an enemy of Konoha. The village that ruined my brother's life… and my own."
"Why are you even staying?" Hanabi chuckled. He ignored her.
"…What about these samurai in the Land of Iron..?" Kakashi shrugged. "They didn't do much to you."
"…I'll give you that." Sasuke admitted. "Besides them, then."
Kakashi paused.
"I see you came here prepared." He nodded wisely.
"Of course." Sasuke frowned. "And remember that despite all of this, I chose to protect this place."
"Damn, they really must have brainwashed you good." Sakura couldn't help herself. "Is this where you got the inspiration to do the same to other me…?"
"I didn't brainwash my wife." Sasuke said coldly.
"Sure…" She rolled her eyes. "Do I look that naive…?"
"Naruto got to him." Kakashi explained. "Sasuke might well have been brainwashed, really."
"What did you just say, Kakashi?" Sasuke asked menacingly. A teacup shattered.
"Nothing, my cute little student." He smiled with his eyes.
"I think you were about to say something." Karin encouraged him.
He nodded in thanks. She was way less annoying than the one he knew. This Sakura, on the other hand…
"Yes. So… imprisoned? Me?" Sasuke almost laughed. "By whose decision…? Yours…? Don't be ridiculous." True frustration broke through his facade. "Orochimaru is free. So is Kabuto. Why should I be the one—"
"Guys…" Hanabi stage-whispered, elbowing Toru — who glared at her — in the process. "I think he's turning bad again."
"Hide Sakura." Ino muttered back. "She won't be able to help herself once the transformation is complete."
"Fuck off, Ino." Sakura growled.
"That's what our Naruto's presence does." Yugito nodded wisely. Naruto opened his mouth, nodding. "Turning people into the worst version of themselves, I mean… not turning Sakura on."
Naruto closed his mouth. She noticed.
"There's still hope for you." Yugito smiled condescendingly.
"Don't patronize me, wife." Naruto frowned.
"I'm not your fucking wife, dear." She said hotly.
"Yet." He just nodded sagely.
She scoffed. Karin, hearing the magic word, turned to face her and nodded.
"You can join my harem more officially." She offered again.
"That's not—"
Karin turned away from them again. Killer B continued to try and make his point stick.
"Again, you can't rhyme alone with a happy home." Karin said.
"And why not?" B frowned. "It's right on the dot."
"But the message—"
"Okay okay. Listen to this one, then." He cleared his throat. "Kumo said I was out of control. I'm not out of control. I'm just not in their control."
"…It's not too bad." She admitted.
Sasuke became more and more tense.
"I can't believe you all." He ranted. "So he—" He pointed at Naruto, who just threw his hands up in the air innocently. "He takes over the world and genocides his way through—"
"Believe me, I tried to make the point already." Toru muttered.
"It was pruning the tree." Naruto nodded evenly. Yugito gave him the side eye.
"See?" Sasuke asked quietly. "Does he look remorseful to any of you?"
Nobody answered.
Naruto stared at Sasuke.
"Well…?" Naruto asked Sasuke at last. "Do I look remorseful…? I'm waiting for your answer impatiently."
"See?" Sasuke asked again. "And I'm supposed to be judged by you all, by people like him… for actions — justified ones, at that — I took when I was a teenager…?"
"We're ninja." Kakashi replied, rolling his eyes. "From the moment you graduated—"
The words reached one person in particular.
Graduated—genin—mission.
"I have a bridge named after me!" The Hokage said suddenly, looking at the other Naruto expectantly.
Sasuke gave him a disgusted look.
"…Are you trying to impress him… really?"
"No." The Hokage frowned. "I just thought he ought to know, as my rival 'yaknow."
"As your what now…?" Sasuke asked quietly.
"He said rival, Sasuke." Kakashi nodded solemnly. "I'm sorry."
"Don't touch me."
Naruto thought about it.
"…I'm going to have a town named after myself." He nodded.
"Really?" The Hokage frowned.
(I could probably do the same, Wave still owes me a favor or two. He thought.)
"Well, I wasn't before…" Naruto admitted. "But now I will."
Realization shone bright in the Hokage's eyes.
(Just like me. He thought.)
His lips turned up.
"You're such a sore loser." The Hokage grinned, punching his shoulder. "We should have a friendly match, 'yaknow."
Sasuke's eyes tightened.
Naruto rolled his eyes. "Why should I…?"
The Hokage looked at him, a devious grin on his face. He chose his next words carefully, making sure they packed the right punch.
The Hokage was a master of persuasion.
The Hokage was a man who had had books written about himself.
The Hokage knew people.
The Hokage almost smiled.
The Hokage knew this man already.
"Are you afraid… scaredy cat…?" He asked quietly, biting back a chuckle.
The entire bar went silent.
Kakashi waited expectantly. Sasuke's glass exploded in his hand.
"Oh boy, he really said it." Someone muttered.
The Hokage waited expectantly, looking as though New Year's Day had come early.
Naruto frowned.
"…Is this supposed to appeal to my pride or something…?" He asked.
"…Maybe?"
"Okay. It failed, then." Naruto nodded.
"…It always worked on Sasuke." The Hokage frowned. "Since the beginning."
"Well, he was twelve, then." Kakashi said evenly.
"So what? It still works. People don't change if I don't talk some sense into them." The Hokage said petulantly.
"Is this really the lesson you got from all this?" Kakashi tilted his head.
The Hokage frowned. "Was there anything else I was supposed to learn?"
Kakashi thought about it.
"…Probably not." He admitted.
"So?" The Hokage grinned. "Your place or my place?"
Hanabi choked on her beer. Hinata, despite her pursed lips, made sure it went down the right way.
"Get your mind out of the gutter." Toru rolled his eye(s).
"Did I even say something?" Hanabi glared at him.
"Everybody knows what you're thinking about." He just said.
"Fuck off, Toru, really."
"Toru is right." Naruto nodded sagely. "But yeah… Work on your phrasing, my Hokage twin. And I don't even have a place here."
Hinata just nodded silently.
The Hokage frowned. "I'm not sure I quite get it. Are you fighting me today or do we have to wait tomorrow?" He smirked.
"…Is this really how you persuade people, usually?" Naruto frowned.
"Ah." The Hokage sighed. "I get it, I get it."
He folded his arms.
"You're good at this. You can fight Sasuke first, instead." The Hokage gave in. "As the second strongest man in the world—"
Sasuke's chakra spiked. The Hokage shrugged.
"I know what I said." He finished.
"I'm not fighting Sasuke, either." Naruto laughed.
Sasuke's mind whirled with possibilities.
He had refused to fight him.
That was his opportunity. He fell back on what he knew worked with Naruto, usually. Well, his Naruto.
"You're on, dead last." Sasuke sneered. "Unless… you're afraid?"
"…I'm not your Naruto, I was always one of the top three students."
"Aside from that time you failed the exam." Sakura chuckled. Sasuke's eyes shone with triumph. Naruto rolled his eyes.
"I sabotaged myself to try and get out of the shinobi life and you know it. Answer's still no, by the way."
"Oh yeah?" Sasuke smiled darkly. "I guess you know your limits, then."
"It's a lose-lose situation for me." Naruto admitted.
"Indeed." Sasuke smirked.
Naruto smiled too. "Because there's no way to win against a cripple."
Silence.
Kakashi whistled. The Hokage wheezed. Toru ordered more drinks.
"What..?" Sasuke asked dangerously.
"Well, let's face it, you're no Sakura." Naruto said, and she blew him a kiss. "So… let's go with the most probable outcome. I beat you. I become the guy who beat up a disabled shinobi. Embarrassing, really. Or, imagine…" Naruto frowned. "No, that's not very realistic. I don't see how I could possibly lose." He chuckled.
Sasuke's fist slammed against the bar.
Kakashi's hand applied the opposite chakra pulse under it, and it didn't shatter. He had seen it coming, really… he didn't need any Sharingan for that.
Someone else came into the bar.
"…I knew it was you…" She began fondly.
"…Sakura." Sasuke said quietly.
"Sasuke." Other-Sakura smiled.
Sakura barely held back a groan. Why did the woman sound so needy…? So relieved at seeing him…?
"Are you fucking kidding me…?" She muttered. "Did that guy not even go home once ever since he came back…?"
Kakashi shrugged. "He's not very good at this family stuff. Or communication... anything that's not about being a ninja, really."
Both Naruto, Toru and the Hokage stared at Kakashi.
He shrugged. "I never said that I was, either."
Other-Sakura drew closer.
"It's been… years, and still… not a day goes by that I don't miss you." Other-Sakura said, cheeks tinged red.
In answer to this heartfelt declaration…
Sasuke smiled. Then he nodded. And went back to staring at the wall, hiding his smile.
This time, Sakura groaned.
She pulled her pipe out and pretended this was not happening.
"That sounds like a complete waste of your time and energy." Sakura said, lighting her pipe — tobacco-free, still — and took a long drag from it. "I can assure you that Sasuke spent no time missing you."
"Sakura…" Toru grunted.
"I beg your pardon…?" Other-Sakura asked tightly. "Who are you to say something so… outlandish…?"
"Why I'm you, of course." Sakura frowned. "Who else would have the guts to say it to your face…? Your whole life is a lie."
The Hokage piped in. "Don't attack her, Sasuke."
"No, no." Sakura laughed as Ino shook her head. "Please, feel free to do so. Your Sharingan against mine. Let's see your illusions."
"…Your Sharingan…?" Toru muttered.
"You can't attack other Sakura either, Sakura." The Hokage frowned.
Kakashi moved seats. Naruto noticed and created a clone outside of the bar. Toru gave him a long look.
"…So you two were my students apparently… in the world you came from?" Kakashi asked, sitting next to Naruto and Toru.
Naruto groaned. Toru glared at Naruto and nodded.
"Ah." He smiled, a bit self-deprecatingly. "I hope I didn't do too bad of a job. I'm not the best teacher around, I have to admit — never was too good at explaining things…"
"That's alright." Naruto muttered. "I haven't been the best student either."
"You can say that again." Toru growled.
Kakashi gave the two of them a long look.
"Hmm…" He scratched his chin with a pensive look. "It seems to me…"
Naruto tensed and so did Toru.
"Yeah…?"
Kakashi mused, propping his chin on folded forearms.
"That you two have a lot on your plate." He chuckled. "Drinks are on me."
Naruto relaxed a bit.
"Please, no shōchū for me." Toru shook his head slowly. "I know how much you enjoyed it."
"Hmm… It seems like you knew me well." Kakashi remarked, almost absentmindedly.
"Yes."
"Ah, so I did die, then." Kakashi nodded to himself.
"How did you know?!"
"Well, you just told me."
Toru clammed up.
"And from the way this Naruto looks at me…" Kakashi began, but cut himself off as well.
The waiter took their order.
"So… what happened between you two and I in your world?" Kakashi asked evenly.
Naruto sighed.
"Not much between you and I." Toru muttered. "We were on good terms."
Kakashi laughed. "Between Naruto and I, then."
"Uh… Well, he—" Toru began, glaring at Naruto… hesitantly. He wasn't about to say it, no matter how much he wanted to.
"I killed you." Naruto muttered.
Kakashi just laughed.
"Oh, that's it?"
"What?"
"What?"
Toru looked just as confused as Naruto was.
"You two are terrible at hiding information, really…" Kakashi shook his head. "I do hope your teacher did a better job — Never mind."
"I'm decent, usually." Naruto shrugged. "It's a bit of a different situation here."
"So… what was it…?" Kakashi asked carefully, spinning the ice in his drink. "I assume it's not a simple… misunderstanding… and that I did not die in a tragic accident that you tried to prevent, where I forced your hand for reasons unknown…?"
"…Well, no." Naruto admitted. "We fought and I killed you. Simple as that." He looked away.
"Did you know…?" Kakashi began. He had taken a long sip of his drink and Naruto hadn't even noticed when or how. "That Sasuke and I tried to kill each other here too, once…?"
"…I guess I'm just more efficient." Naruto muttered.
Kakashi chuckled. "Perhaps it is that."
Toru looked at him strangely.
"So… the eye that Sakura has…"
"Yes." Naruto nodded. "And I did not steal it."
"I see…" Kakashi nodded slowly as well. "I gave it to you, then."
"Yes." Toru said tersely. "In… your last moments."
"Guess you can't be all that bad… then." Kakashi mused. "I mean… I do trust my own judgment… most of the time."
Toru stared at him.
"…What the fuck is wrong with you?"
"Me…?" Kakashi tilted his head. He smiled with his eyes. "I thought you knew me already. Where do I begin…?"
"…Stop." Toru grunted, getting frustrated. "You always do this. You never give a straight answer either. You just joke and joke…"
Toru choked back a laugh.
"And say that everything will be alright—"
Naruto looked away.
"And then it's not. And you're just fucking gone and Naruto has killed you—"
Kakashi ruffled his hair. Toru growled.
"…Sorry, bad habit of mine." He admitted easily. "I… I don't really know what to say to people, sometimes." Kakashi scratched the back of his head. "I'm… kinda awkward, you know…?"
Toru said nothing. Kakashi was never this open. Perhaps time really had changed him, then.
"And… I just don't know you two at all, really." Kakashi smiled lightly. "I don't know what you two went through, what this other me went through to—… What happened for us - well, you and him - to fight to the death… All I know is that he gave you that eye."
Kakashi looked away somewhere else.
"And if he did… Well, he saw something in you." He trailed off. "I don't know. Probably."
Naruto looked at him again.
"I can tell you." He said. "All of it. Then you're free to decide whatever you want to think… feel about the issue."
"What would it matter?" Kakashi laughed. "What's done is done. Your world is at peace — thought I may have more questions about that. The other Kakashi is dead." He shrugged. "I wasn't him… and I wasn't there. Easy as that."
Toru sighed.
"Still—"
"Sure, you can tell me." Kakashi nodded. "But not tonight. There are better moments for… something like this."
Toru stared at him again. "Huh. So you really have learned some basic communication skills, then."
"Aren't you Uchiha…?" Kakashi asked pointedly.
Toru rolled his eye(s).
"Who was the last one…?" Kakashi asked.
"The team member…?" Toru asked. "Sasuke."
"Huh." Kakashi blinked. "Now that's…"
"That's what you find surprising…?" Naruto asked.
Kakashi chuckled.
"Oh, I'm not surprised that one of my students would try to kill me, really." Kakashi mused. "More so that you succeeded. But that's not it. It's just…"
"What is it…?" Toru asked.
"I thought that if one of you would do it, well… I thought it would be Sasuke."
Sakura and the other Sakura almost got into a fist fight.
The arm wrestling match they settled for wasn't much better, but considering each's unique set of skills more or less cancelled the other's, neither of them managed to get the crushing victory they were looking for.
"—I mean, you killed me, Naruto." Kakashi guilt-tripped him easily. "The least you could do is buy me drinks."
Naruto knew Kakashi. This was just the beginning.
Time to fall back on his contingency.
Unseen by most, Naruto switched places with one of his clones, seamlessly.
He had found the man he was looking for.
Well his clone had, really… But that was the same thing.
"Gai…?" Naruto asked.
The man whirled around, spinning his wheelchair at full speed. He sent him a bright thumbs-up.
"That's me!" He grinned… and blinked. "Oh, you're Naruto-sama's guest, aren't you?" Gai had heard of him, likely from different sources already.
Naruto nodded.
"What can I do for you?" He chuckled. "I can give you a tour of the village—"
"I'll heal your body right now if you go bother Kakashi with a challenge — whatever. Right now, too."
Gai blinked.
"…Deal!"
Once a miraculously healed Gai whisked a very confused Kakashi away…
(Bullying Sasuke was so much more pleasant than talking about feelings, really. There was always tomorrow for that.)
Once the two left, in spite of Toru's almost constant glaring, Naruto was able to have a decent night.
And a weight had been lifted from his shoulders, too.
For some reason.