Wing(wo)men
Toru and Akemi came back to Konoha for the night.
Yugito was staying in Kumo for a few days, and in spite of her offer for them to stay — whatever it was she had arranged —, the two of them would simply come back there the next day. Karin had left early - something about Naruto, she had said.
"Your relatives are damn strange, here too." Toru mumbled.
Akemi laughed. "I mean, there's a reason I left Kumo for this mysterious island ninja village."
"And neither Orochimaru nor Naruto creeped you out, back then…?" Toru knew that if the improbable duo of thin, ashen-faced serpent and muscle-bound giant had come to offer anything as vague as 'a home in the most remote of locations'…
Well, he probably wouldn't have taken the offer, tropical weather or not.
Fortunately, Anko had come for him and Hanabi — oh, and they kinda had been on the run from the strongest… possibly second strongest ninja village at the time.
"Orochimaru is really not that bad." Akemi shrugged. "He's one of our most polite guests at the shop, and he tips fairly generously, too—"
"Unlike Naruto." Toru nodded.
"I mean… he can be kinda stingy." She admitted ruefully. "Orochimaru's gotten pretty cute, now, frankly."
"…He's creepier than ever. I just avoid him altogether."
"Unlike before?" She asked pointedly.
"Yeah." He nodded and she grinned. "Wait… cute? Should I be worried?"
"…He's like five."
"Plus fifty something." Toru frowned. "Imagine the accumulated experience on that guy. He could even seduce me, I'm sure."
"Speaking of... Should I be worried, instead?" Akemi laughed. "I saw the way your good eye — not the purple one — roamed all over that woman back in Kumo—"
"It happened once." Toru threw his hands up in the air. "I already apologized for this—"
"Oh well… We all know you have something for tan skin." She shrugged, giving him a wry look. "My fault for taking you to Kumo in the first place."
"Don't listen to Naruto's shit. He's trying to bring me down by making it sound like I'm hung up on things that don't matter, as usual — he's afraid of having to fight for every woman around him's attention."
"…I don't think so, frankly."
"Think again, then." Toru scowled. "He will stop at nothing until—"
"He never even tried with me." Akemi mused. "I'm almost disappointed, really."
"That's different."
"Oh…?" She tilted her head. "Because as a woman… I'm beholden to you, like some sort of property…?" She asked dangerously.
"Of course not." Toru scoffed. "We're real people, not Hyuuga. That's not how things work."
She rolled her eyes. "I was joking."
"Besides, we all know you're not Naruto's type. Not crazy enough." Toru nodded wisely. "Why do you think I seduced you? It's just safer for you, really."
"…What the fuck did you just say?" She asked. "Seduced me? I snagged you for your ninja genes, don't get things mixed up, red-eye."
"Don't be ridiculous, Akemi. I used my eye powers on you, back when we first met." He said lowly. "Don't make me use them again tonight."
"Oh please — I took pity on you because you kept coming to the shop to see me."
"I came because the coffee was good!" He said hotly, cheeks burning.
"You hate coffee."
"…I hate that I ever admitted it to you." He looked away.
Akemi laughed. "Whatever. Does ramen sound good tonight?"
"If you pay for it." He shrugged. "I mean, I can always counterfeit some money—"
"Nah… I'll do it. Broke boy."
"I'm an artist, it's part of the appeal."
The ramen shop was pretty packed.
"Hey, is that Hanabi or her long-lost cousin?" Akemi muttered, pointing at a woman who looked… exactly like her. She was ranting to someone who kinda looked like a grown up version of Naruto's Sarutobi half-cousin… something.
"Not our Hanabi, not our problem." Toru waved her off.
"Aw… if you call her our Hanabi, I'm going to be jealous."
"Bah." He laughed. "It's Hanabi. She has as much sex-appeal as Naruto to me."
"Even more worrying with how much you rant about him." She chuckled.
"…Good one, good one." He admitted with a rueful chuckle. "Not that you would understand anything about bromance, woman."
"Well at least Shinku didn't make me run around Umi half-naked just because of a lost bet."
"…It was sneaking training — ninja stuff, you wouldn't get it." Toru rolled his eyes. "Let's avoid this Hanabi anyway, she sounds angry — more than usual, I mean."
"She really is only pissed around you, she's very nice otherwise. Very cute with her spouses, even."
"Well someone has to remind her that she's not the empress." Toru scowled.
"…Is she not?" Akemi mused.
"Stop."
They sat down and ordered something to eat.
"…But yeah, you're right." Akemi admitted. "Hanabi or not, she sounds pissed."
"That is her and she is." He nodded wisely.
Akemi paused. She deliberated inwardly.
"…Wanna listen in?" She finally asked. "That's ninja shit, right? Or a big no-no?"
Toru shrugged. "I already am."
"Help me then." She frowned.
"Nah, consider this part of chakra training." Toru laughed. "I taught you the jutsu anyway."
"You're the fucking worst! Why did I even pick you?"
"My roguish good-looks?"
"Certainly not."
"I thought I nailed the pirate vibe — with that brown eye-patch especially." He frowned.
She let out a long suffering sigh and began weaving hand seals, only somewhat clumsily.
Horse. Tiger. Ram. Tiger. Bird. Boar.
Toru had stressed the importance of shouting the name of the jutsu you were using. She hadn't really believed it, frankly. And it would make no sense to her, considering they were trying to stay inconspicuous.
"Say the name." Toru said, as though he could hear her thoughts.
"…Don't."
"You have to, or it won't work." Toru shrugged.
Despite her reservations, Akemi still muttered the name under her breath, feeling very foolish.
"Uchiha Clan Hidden Art: Young Dragon's Eavesdropping Secret."
The jutsu activated, with barely a pulse.
"See…?" Toru grinned. "It worked."
Akemi ignored him, in order to focus on Hanabi.
"—and she tried to persuade me to lay with them!" Hanabi raged.
"…She's so loud." Akemi muttered. "I don't know if we even needed that jutsu."
"If you did your sense-enhancing chakra exercises, maybe you wouldn't." Toru reminded her.
"Oh, shut it, ninja-boy."
"Ninja-man." Toru corrected her.
The man, who was likely Konohamaru, answered Hanabi in confusion.
"Lay...? Like… to have a sleepover or something?"
Hanabi stared at him.
"Ah…" He scratched his head. "Sex, then. Sorry, I prefer not to assume anymore — I got in a lot of trouble about that Sexy jutsu Boss taught me, y'know. Hard reputation to get rid of."
"I know." She said dryly. "At least you learned—"
"So you… refused, then?" Konohamaru asked hesitantly. "Right?"
"What." Hanabi hissed.
"Sorry sorry, just asking!" Konohamaru put his hands in between himself and Hanabi.
Toru slapped his forehead.
"Oh boy." He muttered. "This is worse than seeing Kiba and his ear-humming technique."
"The what?" Akemi asked.
"The guy used to swear that women loved hearing his voice drop lower, so he'd go around creeping them out by whispering in their ear."
"…That's the sort of people you used to hang out with?" Akemi frowned.
"I was young, then." Toru muttered. She shot him a very unimpressed look. "Whatever. Who do you think was the person who tried to uh… persuade her to lay with them? Cause it definitely feels like…"
"That sounds like something Karin would do, right?" Akemi asked him. "Offering at least, I mean."
"She was with us, so it's probably not her."
There were always clones, but usually, Karin at least pretended to use them for worthy reasons.
"Who else, though…?"
Akemi and Toru shared a look. They looked at Hanabi again.
"She would." Toru said. "She's narcissistic enough."
Privately, Akemi agreed. Outwardly, she said nothing.
"…Well, that's on them."
"No way." Toru shook his head. "That's an us problem, too, now."
"Why?"
"I'm not willing to deal with a second Hanabi." He grunted.
"…What do we do, then?"
Toru grinned.
Sarutobi Konohamaru was having a pretty decent night.
Hanging out with a cute girl — pretty extreme temper when it came to Boruto, but well, he was the Boss's son, so he could understand where she was coming from… somewhat.
Once Hanabi was done ranting — and boy, had that taken a while — he ordered a first round of drinks at the bar. Sake cups, of course.
Konohamaru didn't drink beer, that was more the Boss's thing.
Hanabi was slowly cooling down, which was… nice.
A voice broke the easy conversation.
"Hey there handsome."
It was a very male voice.
"…Hey?" Konohamaru answered hesitantly. "You look… familiar?"
The man grinned. "I'm Toru, the world's greatest secret agent." He paused. "Don't tell anyone I told you, though."
Then he winked.
"Uh." Konohamaru stared. "I'm… flattered. But I'm—"
Toru waved him off. "What're you drinking? — It looks delicious."
"That's… just sake, man." Konohamaru tried to put some distance between the two of them.
"Is it as dry as it looks?"
"I don't—"
"Mind if I try it?"
"I—"
Toru chuckled. "Look, I'll cut the bullshit. I'm not here to talk about drinks."
Konohamaru was almost afraid to ask. Hanabi was staring at the two of them, her curiosity piqued. And something else in her eyes. Something… protective?
"What are you here for…?" She asked abruptly.
"Not for you." Toru laughed. He ignored her and went back to staring at Konohamaru with a bit too much interest. "Well to put it quite bluntly, I was just here, minding my own business… When I saw you."
Konohamaru blinked. "Me? I'm not sure—"
"What's your name?" Toru asked with a small, confident smile.
"I'm Sarutobi Konohamaru."
Toru nodded, as though he had known it.
"That's a nice name." He laughed. Then he blinked. "Wait, the Sarutobi Konohamaru?" Toru gasped.
"…You know of me?" Konohamaru asked.
Toru almost scoffed. "Who doesn't?"
Hanabi tilted her head. "What is this about?"
Toru ignored her. Konohamaru thought that it seemed as though he knew exactly how to piss Hanabi off in doing so, which was almost impressive.
"You're one of the strongest up and coming ninja around, right?" Toru asked, staring at him intently.
"I guess…" Konohamaru muttered.
"Nothing could stop you, I bet." Toru laughed. "You could set your sights on anything. Uh… You could become an Elite Jōnin easily—"
"I mean, I am one." Konohamaru admitted.
"No way~" Toru breathed in. "That strong already?"
"It's nothing, really." Konohamaru tried not to look too pleased.
"You could become even more — a Kage, I'm sure. If you wanted it."
"Back off, you're laying it on too thick—" Hanabi began.
Both of them ignored her. Her anger rose a notch.
"Ah… not really?" Konohamaru blushed a bit and rubbed the back of his head. "I - I wouldn't know about all that — The Boss is incredible."
Something like triumph shone in Toru's eye. Probably nothing, Konohamaru thought.
"Ah well, I'm sure he has a few successors in mind already — and you're at the top of the list, right?"
Konohamaru rubbed his index finger under his nose. "Ah, I mean… We're like brothers, the Boss and I. But I don't like the idea of nepotism - my grandpa was a Kage too, so..."
Behind him, Hanabi stared at Toru pointedly, trying to figure out what he was playing at. And who he was, too.
"I can see it." Toru laughed. "The Seventh Hokage, Sarutobi Kono-"
"Eighth Hokage." Konohamaru corrected.
"Yes, exactly what I meant." Toru nodded. "My tongue slipped."
Hanabi hesitated. She said nothing.
"Now, just a quick question for you…" Toru stared at him intently. "Are you single?"
Konohamaru paused.
He gave a quick glance toward Hanabi that didn't go unnoticed. Hanabi looked away. "Yeah, I guess. Why…?"
"Oh, no reason. No reason at all." Toru nodded. "You too, I assume." He glanced at Hanabi.
"What does it matter to you?" She shot back.
"No wonder." Toru muttered.
"I can read lips, you boor—"
"I'm sure he didn't mean it like this, Hanabi." Konohamaru tried.
"What else could he possibly mean—"
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend, of course." Toru said… and then proceeded to ignore her entirely again. "I think I've heard about… one of your recent missions." He mused, tapping his chin as though he was trying to remember which one.
"Huh…? Oh, yeah!" Konohamaru nodded. "I came back yesterday — didn't know it was such a big deal haha."
"You took down — like… how many very strong people was it again?"
"Seven, I think." Konohamaru remembered. "But they were really not all that—"
"—Strong to you, I'm sure." Toru finished, putting a hand on Konohamaru's shoulder. "You're even more humble than I thought."
"But where did you even hear this from—"
"It's incredible, really." Toru stressed. "Most guys would get an ego the size of the moon if they were even half as good as you are."
Something softened in Hanabi's eyes.
Konohamaru shrugged awkwardly. "I mean, I do dabble—"
"Did someone say Sarutobi Konohamaru?" A woman exclaimed.
The man turned around. "That's… me?"
A cute woman, who looked like she might have been from Kumo, looked at him with stars in her eyes.
"I can't believe my luck!" She gasped, putting a hand to her chest. "Sorry if I'm embarrassing you — and myself. It's just… everybody was talking about you back home!"
"What, really?" Konohamaru blinked. "Where are you from?"
"Where I'm from doesn't matter, really." She waved off with a girlish laugh. "I'm Akemi, by the way." She sat herself in between Konohamaru and Hanabi.
"Ah, nice to meet you, then." Konohamaru nodded. "I'm Konohamaru."
She laughed and slapped his shoulder playfully. "Oh, stop it!"
"But I didn't even say—"
Toru rubbed his shoulder with a bright smile.
Akemi got closer to Konohamaru. Konohamaru didn't seem to mind.
Hanabi stood up abruptly. "…I'm leaving."
Konohamaru didn't notice, because Toru was talking over her. Akemi gave Hanabi a brief glance and pointed at the door absentmindedly.
Hanabi stayed.
They ordered more drinks, and Hanabi was starting to get more visibly frustrated the more they engaged Konohamaru in conversation.
"-single?! No way!" Akemi gasped.
"I'm sure he's just… playing the field." Toru grinned, punching his shoulder.
Hanabi scowled.
"You're right — whoever you are!" Akemi gushed. "Konohamaru is like the most eligible bachelor in town!"
Konohamaru blushed. "No, actually, I—"
"Konohamaru-sempai!" A pretty blond woman cheered. "There you are! Finally! I was looking everywhere. Please accept my present — ah, it's nothing, really. Please call me!"
Hanabi flinched.
The blushing girl left as soon as she had come, leaving a bemused Konohamaru, gift in hand.
"…You've become quite the hotshot, haven't you?" Hanabi gritted out. "Konohamaru."
He shrugged hesitantly. "I… never realized."
"You're so humble about it!" Akemi said.
"I said the same before." Toru nodded.
"It's incredible no one stole you… right up." Akemi said, checking him out pretty obviously. "Some people really don't know what's in front of them, I guess…" She said, not looking at Hanabi, but hanging from Konohamaru's arm.
That rankled Hanabi. "Now what exactly do you—"
"Konohamaru-san!"
Another girl came by, gift in hand.
"This is for you!" She squealed, pressing another gift-wrapped package into his waiting hands.
She left abruptly after holding on to his other arm for a bit too long.
"T-Thanks, I guess." Konohamaru muttered. "What the hell is happening…"
"Such — a — popular — guy." Hanabi growled.
"...I don't even like the attention." Konohamaru muttered contritely.
Another shrill voice.
"Konohamaru-kun!"
Hanabi's glass cracked in her hand.
One of the waitresses had definitely noticed the attention Konohamaru was getting.
She gave him a long, sultry look. Konohamaru gulped.
Hanabi stood up, and the stool clattered to the floor.
"We're leaving, Konohamaru." Hanabi finally said. "Now."
He frowned.
"We…?"
"Yes." Hanabi said tightly.
"Why would I leave…?"
Hanabi began to ramble on about a great many things; none of them important.
Konohamaru shrugged. "Nah, I think I'm staying."
The waitress stared at him from afar. Hanabi took notice of it.
Hanabi pulled Konohamaru by his lapels and mashed her lips to his.
Toru wisely looked away. Akemi didn't bother.
Konohamaru forgot all about them and the disappointed waitress.
"You're mine tonight." Hanabi muttered heatedly. "Now come, I'm going to show you my room."
"O…kay?" Konohamaru blinked, and stood up, almost automatically.
The last thing Toru and Akemi heard was "…just tonight, though?".
Once they were sure Hanabi was not actually watching them, still…
Toru and Akemi exchanged an elaborate high-five.
"Another timeline saved!" Toru cheered.
"Wait, I thought it was about not having two Hanabi around?"
"What's the difference?" Toru rolled his eyes. Akemi ignored him.
"I'm surprised this even worked." She mused.
"Why wouldn't it…? She's Hanabi." Toru rolled his eyes. "Of course she'd think she deserves the coolest man around."
"So… nothing to do with the fact that you saw how they looked at each other?" Akemi asked him.
"Hmpf. Of course not. Hyuuga don't have real feelings, that's something only humans do. Besides envy, perhaps."
"Whatever. Good job, red-eye." She said fondly.
"What…? This? Having to use clones and shit?" Toru laughed. "This was sloppy, amateurish. If my guy Chōji had been around, they would be eloping already."
Uzumaki Hanabi watched most of it unfold through her seeing-arrows.
She cursed Toru; she cursed Akemi. Then she cursed the two others, naive as they were.
Then she paused. The person with the sharpest eyes in the clan — because who else could it be, other than her? — was gone for the night.
She smiled; her pale lavender eyes gleaming under the moonlight.
The Trouble With Immortality
World #322 - High up in the sky.
"Don't you think we should go home at some point?" Karin asked him.
"Umi or…?"
"To the others."
Naruto shook his head in answer. "I'd rather do anything else, right now."
"Ino's probably calmed down, by now." Karin said again.
Naruto blinked.
"Ino…?" He asked in confusion. "You thought I was avoiding Ino?"
"Well… yeah." Karin frowned. "Who else?"
"Who else?" He repeated in amazement. "I'm avoiding Yoisen."
Karin blinked. "…She's not that bad—"
"You only say this because you haven't seen her when she gets obsessed about something."
"And you did…?"
"Close to a thousand years ago, I did." Naruto nodded, staring in the far off distance. "And she had all that time to practice getting what she wanted. She might be there already."
"So you'd rather… do actual work than face her."
"Yes." Naruto said.
"Fair enough, I guess." Karin nodded. "Well, they are right under us."
They stopped flying.
"Let's give it our best shot." Naruto said.
"Who goes?" Karin asked.
"Your turn."
"Perfect." Karin grinned sharply. She saw the look Naruto gave her. "…Look, I kinda have something personal against the guy."
"Did I say anything?"
Soon, they were dropping through the air.
Karin extended her hand. Twenty-nine chains burst from her palm.
Pain was on the cusp of victory.
He had destroyed Konoha a few days ago, and captured the Nine-Tails. Uchiha Sasuke's failure to capture the Eight-Tails was a temporary setback. He would go there himself.
The last of the missing Beasts, and then he'd finally bring about peace.
This broken world—
Pain felt an ungodly amount of chakra suddenly spring into existence. One moment, there was nothing. The next his rain picked up something that made cold sweat drip down his back.
Pain heard someone.
"Containment Chains!"
Something shaped a globe out of chakra around the highest part of the tower.
And something folded inwards, turning the world into a shower of roaring energy.
Fire. Wind. Lightning. Earth. Water.
He barely managed to summon his ultimate defense around himself to withstand the elemental storm.
When Pain regained his bearings, Konan was gone.
Vaporized.
The top part of the tower had been blown apart entirely, and rain fell upon the broken floor.
Pain could only stare in disbelief.
Two people stood in front of him. One looked like the last jinchūriki he had killed; older, though. He stood back, casually.
And he was not the one who had done this.
"It's a bit less funny when it happens to you, isn't it?" The red-haired woman asked. She was Uzumaki, of this there was no doubt.
"These chains…" He muttered, feeling distant from his own body.
"Nah, that was just to make sure I didn't cause any collateral damage." The woman answered.
"Collateral damage?! Konan—" Pain began furiously.
"Yes, yes…" The woman nodded. "Please, tell me. Does the pain you feel teach you something new?"
Pain stared.
"No?" She tilted her head. "Funny how that works."
Pain roared. "Shinra—"
"Come to mama!" The Uzumaki woman crowed.
She ripped his eyes out by exerting a strong pull behind his eyes. And suddenly, he was blind.
'No!' Pain howled in pain-... agony. 'This can't be—'
"Well, you don't really deserve it… But I'll give you a fighting chance." The stranger said.
"You just want to beat him up." The blond man said.
"…No? ...Perhaps?"
Pain knew the familiar presence that came out of thin air. It was the King of Hell. Its jaws slammed shut around him.
He fell into a never-ending hole. His body was fading away. It lasted for no time at all and it lasted for an eternity.
And then suddenly Pain was back in the destroyed room with the two strangers.
He could see again, but the world seemed to be almost colorless, compared to the usual clarity. What had happened to his eyes…? And why was he standing on his two legs…? He never had had the life force to heal his own broken body, so how…?
Ironically, it took him losing his Rinnegan to notice that its light shone in the two invaders' eyes.
He knew it was over, then.
"Well, I sure hope your Taijutsu isn't too rusty." The woman said, cracking her knuckles.
With a strange mix of burning rage and cold realization brewing in his gut, Pain took a fighting stance.
A single punch smashed into his face and he knew he was about to lose everything.
"Well, that's one more pair." Karin nodded. "What do we do with the Bijū?"
"Are they conscious?"
"Nah, he had already begun molding them into pure chakra instead." Karin shook her head. "They're gone entirely. As dead as a Bijū can be."
It was something Naruto had taken precautions against, in his case. The last thing Naruto wanted was another Rinnegan user destroying everything he had set up in place.
"Well…" Naruto scratched his chin. "No way of bringing them back…?"
Karin snorted. "Unless you're willing to face Enma."
"…Nah. Not now, at least." Naruto laughed. "Let's take their chakra for the time being, I guess."
"Alright, careful then." Karin grinned at him cheekily. "Wouldn't want you to mess up the process."
"Right back at you." Naruto smiled.
It didn't take them too long.
"See?" Karin asked. "Aren't you thankful for Yoisen, right now?"
He flinched. "Please don't mention her name."
Karin laughed, wrapping her arm around his. "Sure, sure… Let's go to the next one, then?"
Naruto smiled fondly. She really was the easiest to get along with. "Of course."
Minutes later, when they left, the only thing that was left of Amegakure's highest tower was a fading maelstrom of chakra.
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