AN: Gama is indeed the worst hahahaha
If Orochimaru's daughter seems saner... perhaps something went wrong. Somewhere.
Now... To find them.
…And Its Wonders
World #7570 - Tokyo
There was a knock at the door.
Nacchan let out a pitiful whine, sounding very much like an abused dog.
"What is it, Naruto?" Sakura asked him. "Are you okay?"
"It's… It's nothing." He said, with a too thin smile. "Nothing at all."
The teacher opened the door.
Some of the students gasped. For on the other side of it stood a muscular blond, as well as a pale-skinned teenager with long black hair.
"I'm sorry, Kurenai-sensei…?" Gama began, with a bit too much eagerness in his voice to Nacchan's ears. "That's you, right?" He added after some — false — deliberation.
"Yes…?" She asked.
"I'm not sure I get this part — was I supposed to come at the same time as everyone else?" He asked.
"Ah, I'm sorry…? Who are you two?"
"He's Uzumaki Gama. I'm Hebi." Hebi supplied. "We both should be on the list — a list?"
Gama threw her a deadly glare. Her bland smile reminded him that she was in charge of that part.
"Ah, yes. The transfer students, then…?" Kurenai frowned, trying to remember something that was just on the tip of her tongue. "I was told about it—"
"I'm sure." Gama smiled pityingly. The snake's bewitching techniques were strong, apparently. He checked himself for a genjutsu. Again.
"Why don't you go and introduce yourself, both of you?" Kurenai asked.
"Of course." Gama grinned.
Nacchan buried his face deeper in his palms.
"…Are they transfer students…?" Sakura frowned. "But they said that—"
Hebi's sensitive ears twitched. She focused her attention on Sakura and did something with her hands.
"That they were transfer students, as well as your cousins." Sakura finished. "Huh. Wonder where I was going with that one." She mused aloud.
Nacchan threw a deadly glare at both Hebi and Gama. Hebi threw a more terrifying one back and Gama simply shrugged.
He introduced himself to the class.
"My name is Uzumaki N—" Gama began. Hebi kicked his leg.
'If you want me to help, don't complicate things.' She conveyed.
Gama glared at her. She glared back. There was a long moment of silence and the students began talking among themselves.
"-Gama. Gama, I mean. Not Ngama." He finished with a long-suffering sigh.
Hebi introduced herself briefly and they were seated, too far away from Gama for him to feel comfortable.
"Hey man, do you know where I can get a square-phone?" Nacchan heard Gama ask his direct neighbor.
Nacchan moaned again.
The black-eyed teenager in question blinked.
"A what?" He muttered.
"Oh, you don't have one either." Gama realized. He smiled easily. "Don't worry, we'll buy one together and I'll show you how to play games on it. What was the name of it again, Hebi?"
"…" Hebi didn't answer. She just looked away from them.
"Fine, be like that." Gama breathed out. "Nacchan." He whispered.
Nacchan ignored him.
"Nacchan!" Gama whispered, more harshly.
Sakura elbowed him softly. "I think your cousin is trying to call you."
"He's not." Nacchan muttered. "Let me focus on the class."
"…This is Homeroom."
"I don't care."
"Yo Nacchan!" Gama whispered, getting louder and louder. "Who's the little creep staring at you?"
People were starting to take notice. There were chuckles rising and Nacchan was feeling like dying.
"…Is he talking about Hinata?" Sakura asked, looking around.
"Of course not." Nacchan muttered. "Her dad's like super rich, she has better things to do with her time than mingling with commoners."
"She's nice, though." Sakura frowned.
"And she's not staring at me." Nacchan said.
"If you say so." Sakura muttered dubiously.
"Alright, asshole, ignore me!" Gama continued to whisper loudly. "I just wanted to know the name of the game you showed me."
"It was called Dragon's Balls something, just shut up." Hebi hissed.
"Ah!" Gama smiled. "That was it." He turned back to his neighbor, who Nacchan now realized was Nara Shikamaru. Fuck.
"…Are you into mobile games, really?" Shikamaru asked. "I kinda figured you'd be more into…" He looked at him briefly. "Lifting weights or something."
"I can do both." Gama rolled his eyes.
"Not for long, I'd bet." Hebi said. "You're going to fall into an addiction-shaped hole soon."
"Are you talking to me again?" Gama grinned.
"No."
"…Are you two siblings?" Chōji asked, from next to Shikamaru. "You never clarified."
"Yes." Gama nodded.
"No." Hebi shook her head.
"…We're Nacchan's cousins, actually."
"How come he never talked about you?"
Nacchan heard the last part and buried his face deeper in his arms.
"We're distant relatives." Hebi said.
"Oh, where are you from?" Ino intervened.
Hebi had taken the time to memorize a few locations, in order to perfect her disguise. She needed something far away, in order to avoid more in-depth questions, she knew.
"Kenya." She lied easily.
Ino blinked. "…Really?"
"Yes." Gama confirmed easily. "Our dad—"
"Our dads." Hebi corrected.
"…Yes. Our dads were both from Ken-ya. And that's where we grew up."
Shikamaru frowned. He looked them up and down. "That's… somewhat surprising." And somewhat unlikely.
"Why is that?" Hebi asked, not truly caring about the answer.
"…You guys look almost exactly like Naruto." Shikamaru began. "And if your fathers both happen to be from Kenya—"
"Where is it?" Chōji asked.
"Our mothers both moved there… together." Gama spun the narrative.
Shikamaru stared at them.
"You said your fathers were from there." He repeated.
"Yup. Ken-yasian to the bone."
"...You don't look Kenyan at all."
"Rude." Gama frowned. He spun the narrative, harder. "I've had to eat comments like these my whole life."
"You don't know the first thing about us." Hebi added.
"…Look, I don't think you know the first thing about—"
"Uzumaki genes are strong." Hebi nodded. Maybe she needed to check their backstory a bit more thoroughly if this random guy, who looked a bit like a Nara or perhaps a Hattori clansman, could poke holes into it. "We look more like our mothers."
"Yes. Every woman in our family happens to be dominant too." Gama explained. "That's why Nacchan—"
"…You call Naruto Nacchan?" Choji asked. "He… allows it? Him?"
"Yes — Also, nobody allows me to do anything—"
"For a good reason. I rarely had the pleasure of meeting anyone dumber." Hebi said.
Gama glared at her for twisting his words. Then he continued.
"That's why Nacchan wears his mother's name, right?" He asked.
Shikamaru didn't say anything. Neither did Nacchan.
"Your… mothers taught you how to speak Japanese, then?" Shikamaru asked after a long pause.
"East Ajan?" Gama tilted his head. Hebi kicked him.
"It's called Japanese when we're in Japan." She said. "Our… mothers told us, remember?"
"Oh, right."
"Which language did you speak with your dads, again…?" Shikamaru asked.
"…The same language as them?" Gama said slowly.
"Hmm…" Shikamaru tapped his desk. "Not Kenyan?"
"You're right, we spoke Kenyan everyday." Hebi nodded.
"…Can you speak a few words?"
"Sure." Gama nodded.
"Well…?"
"Ah, right now, you mean?" Gama blinked. He thought about it.
Gama muttered some nonsense.
"What does it mean?" Shikamaru asked.
"Hello. My name is Gama." Hebi said.
"Repeat it." Shikamaru retorted.
Hebi said something that sounded entirely different to his ears.
"Ah, nonsense, then. I thought so." Shikamaru nodded. "…Kenyan is not an actual language, by the way."
"You're getting ruder by the minute — or whatever time unit you prefer. The only difference between a dialect and a language is corrupt politicians getting their way—"
"No." Shikamaru said. "I meant that it's really not a language. Nor a dialect."
"…You know our culture well." Hebi said evenly. "We're somewhat unused to people knowing this, which is why we don't usually bother calling things by their proper names."
"You're lying through your teeth—" Shikamaru began.
Hebi waved her fingers. His eyes glazed over.
"…Shikamaru?" Chōji asked. "…Are you okay?"
There was a long silence, where Shikamaru looked entirely out of it.
Shikamaru sighed. "Troublesome. I think I got a few things mixed up. Nevermind that, I was talking out of my ass — I've never even been outside of Japan."
"Ah, don't worry." Gama recovered. "I can't conceive of a reason to leave a land that has such advanced phones either."
"What do you mean?" Ino asked. "Didn't you have phones, back home?"
"He was more into martial arts growing up." Hebi intervened. "He was very busy."
"Ah, I see, that's why he's so—" Chōji began.
"Look man, I'm not into guys — but yes, I'm very muscular." Gama cut him off.
"That's not what I was about to say."
"Anyway, I can teach you the basics, I'm sure you can learn if you apply yourself."
"…I'm on the sumo team." Chōji said.
"Ah, yes. The big guys." Gama nodded. "You kinda have the physique for it."
"…What do you mean by that?" Chōji asked slowly.
"I just remembered something." Gama chuckled. "Back in the village I was born — didn't stay there for too long, by the way — there was a clan of like… super fat—"
Ino cut Gama off. "Uh… What did you mean about phones before?"
"Nacchan showed me that he can take pictures with them." Gama smiled.
"Err… Yeah?" Ino raised an eyebrow. "You can do much more with a phone."
Gama stared at her with intense interest. Ino inched away from him. "Such as…?"
"Uh…" She blushed a bit. "I… don't know. What are you into?"
Gama smiled brightly. "Women."
…
"…Okay?"
"Older ones, preferably." Gama nodded pleasantly.
"…Uh. Let me set up a mock profile, then — it's not like Kurenai-sensei cares, as long as we don't make too much noise."
"A profile of what?"
"I'll show you."
…
"…Damn." Gama whistled. "This world—… uh, this modern world truly is incredible. So you mean to say that people can meet people just with their phones? It's like…" Gama frowned, looking for a metaphor that would make sense. "It's like ordering take-out — you guys got take-out in Aja, right?"
"…Yeah, we got take-out." Ino answered, somewhat dubiously. Where had this guy grown up, exactly…? Kenya, truly…? He was being kinda offensive, too.
"Why is your phone-window broken?" Gama frowned.
"It's a screen — and it fell."
"How fragile…" Gama said with reverence, holding on to her phone with the care one would normally give to a child. "The most beautiful things always are so easily broken."
"…Can I have my phone back?" Ino asked.
"Later." Gama shushed her. "Also, you should be more careful with incredible artifacts." He said, ignoring Hebi's suddenly heated glare.
"But—" Ino tried.
"Shh."
He had important work to do.
i imgur com tO6EdqW png
…
As soon as the first period ended, Nacchan cornered Gama and Hebi in the hallways.
Well, he tried. Gama simply walked around him absentmindedly, eyes glued to his phone, and Hebi's look froze him in his tracks.
"Your cousin took my phone." Ino hissed. "I was trying to be nice — Get it back for me."
"He's not my —" Nacchan cut himself off.
Gama tore his attention away from the phone. "Oh, you were here too, Nacchan? This class thing isn't so bad, after all. I think I'm starting to see why you didn't want to become an assassin, like most of our family are."
A few people thought it to be an off-color joke. Nacchan wasn't so sure.
"…That wasn't an actual class, this was Homeroom." Nacchan grunted.
"I don't care." Gama shrugged. "Ah, Ino, you just received a phone-letter from Forehead, whoever that is. She's asking if Sasuke is sick. Huh, so that guy's here, too."
Nacchan turned to Sakura. "…Sasuke, really? And here I invited you—" He trailed off.
"…Are you for fucking real?" Sakura breathed out. "He's my friend, too."
"Jealousy is such an ugly look — on you especially, Nacchan." Gama laughed. "Hey. How do I put my picture up on the phone? I'm not getting any messages back from the women."
Hebi snorted. "That's probably the best you're going to get — you're going to miss these times."
"I don't recall asking for your slimy opinion." Gama said evenly. "If I needed that in my — HEY!"
Hebi took the phone away from his hands, and passed it to Ino in a smooth move.
"Thank you." The latter muttered. "It's not like he was going to meet any of these catfishes anyway."
Gama frowned. "I'm not sure what this has to do with fishing, but I'm a great fisherman — you could say I have the best bait. A real master bait, even." He chuckled… lecherously.
Ino groaned in disgust and Nacchan tried to push Gama along; away from the crowd. Gama was immovable, sturdy as a rock, and he simply chuckled. It was also the sound a rock would have made — if rocks could laugh, and not simply sit there, looking imperious.
"You're like three civilians years too early to try that." Then, more loudly. "Does anyone know how to make some money here?"
"Get some knee-pads!" Someone answered, quite rudely. Some of the boys began snickering.
"Never heard that one before!" Gama laughed too. "No, but for real."
"Get a job!"
"That's for losers." Gama snorted. "Unless it's writing porn."
"Bet it all!" Someone else said. "Your money, I mean."
Gama scratched his chin in thought.
"Huh, that's a good idea — Nacchan will just have to give me the initial deposit." He muttered. Nacchan's voice was sounding shriller and shriller. "Where do I find the nearest fighting ring?" Gama asked the entire hallway again.
No answer came.
Gama sighed. "This would have been too easy."
He shrugged and began walking away. Down the stairs, and away from their next class.
Nacchan ran after him. Hebi followed at a more casual pace — her expression just as tight as it had been, ever since Gama had swallowed the Eye.
"Hey now… Don't worry about me, little man." Gama grinned. "I figured I could just steal a few coins or something… You have coins and bills here too, right?"
"Where the fuck do you think you're going?" Nacchan asked.
Gama blinked. "Well, I need to find some sort of fighting ring."
"We have class."
"It's just class and I need to go. Besides… You didn't even want us here." Gama laughed, and tried to slip an arm around Hebi's shoulders. She threw it off and elbowed his ribs, quite painfully. Gama bit back a sharp retort that would likely have earned him an even more painful kick in parts he might need once he got his own phone.
"Fuck — Whatever it is you did, I don't want you out of my sight." Nacchan retorted. "Until this day is over and I can figure out what to do."
"Awww…" Gama grinned. "You love us already, don't you?"
"I hate your guts."
"Beats indifference." Gama nodded wisely. "Any respectable womanizer—"
"Oxymoron." Hebi called. "Ah. That word is not an insult, by the way — I know you are somewhat dimwitted. I would just call you an idiot if I wanted to."
"…Knows it." Gama finished, lips pinched. "Stop stealing my thunder, god."
"Oh, I'd steal your thunder god… If you had actually mastered the jutsu." Hebi said snidely.
"Oh, sick burn. Very funny." Gama hissed. That he hadn't managed to learn his father's jutsu was a sore point. "Too bad nobody here even understands your fucking jokes!"
"Remind me why that came to be…?" She hissed too.
"Guys, not now." Nacchan tried. He didn't know what they were talking about, but he wasn't about to get dragged into their shit.
"Well, maybe you would get it." Gama began. "What does your dad do, Nacchan?"
"…He's into politics."
Gama and Hebi both blinked.
"…Really?" Gama asked.
"That… does make some sense, actually." Hebi said.
Emboldened by their sudden forgetfulness about their equally sudden bout of anger, Nacchan continued.
"Yes. Dad is trying to become the Governor of Tokyo." He said.
There was something wistful in Gama's eyes. "…That sounds like Minato all over."
"Mom is in politics, too." Nacchan admitted. "Different sort, though."
"…How is it going for them?" Hebi asked softly. "Are they well…?"
"Yes… Yes, I'd say they are." Nacchan said, glad that he had finally found a subject to pacify them. "I think Dad might actually make it — he's great at this. Except…" He continued, feeling bolder by the second.
"Except…?"
"There's one of his political opponents who keeps doing his best to ruin us." Nacchan said. "I'm sure Dad will manage, again… But that man really plays dirty."
Hebi nodded. "Ah, I understand. Politics are a dirty game, aren't they…?"
"Indeed." Gama agreed. He shared a look with Hebi, something almost friendly. "Look, I'm not going to force your hand here, but maybe we could do something to help — no, nothing weird, promise."
"…I… No, thanks." Nacchan said.
"Ah, come on." Gama laughed. "We're not that bad. By the way, what's the guy's name…?"
"The rival?"
"Yes." Hebi nodded. "He seems like a dangerous opponent.
"You wouldn't know him." Nacchan waved off.
"That's a reason to tell us, isn't it…?" Gama smiled.
Hebi almost smiled at him, too.
"…I guess you're right." Nacchan smiled as well. "His name is Orochimaru."
The unspoken truce between Hebi and Gama was over, almost as suddenly as it had come.
Gama barely winced as he forced his broken shoulder back into its socket. Nacchan shuddered watching it.
Privately, Gama thought that not being able to access his toad summons was really crippling his style. Sure, he kept a few tadpoles around his person — in scrolls, of course… But that was not the same.
That was the only reason the snake summoner had been able to beat him, he was certain of it.
That was it.
No matter, he healed fast, natural energy in the air or not.
Hebi dusted her bloody knuckles. Nacchan looked closer and closer to the edge.
"You're lucky this was not a real fight." Gama muttered. "If we were out of this school…"
"As soon as this Pyramid is… out of you." Hebi said with distaste. There were only three ways for it to get out — one was more lethal than the others. "I'm leaving. Whether you're coming or not."
There was a sound.
A deep rumble.
Hebi ended up realizing it was a chuckle.
"Leave?" Gama laughed. "But why would I ever leave…? This place is great."
World-Eater's Den - Training Room
Naruto was sitting in the middle of the room.
The walls were deformed from repeated impacts. They could't break though, because there simply wasn't anything beyond them.
Shattered pieces of metal littered the entire room, things that had once been swords; each of them crafted with one single purpose: to be wielded by clones, or to fly at high speeds toward Naruto himself. Each of them, as durable as a high-quality sword could be — aside from more… advanced Rinnegan antics.
He heard footsteps, long after he felt the presence.
"Well, that's quite a mess you left." The man said.
"I barely hit them and they fell apart." Naruto shrugged.
"You know, if you weren't such a power-hungry bastard, I'd ask you what use you could have for acquiring power… and more power. There has to be diminishing returns at some point."
"I'm not seeing them." Naruto chuckled. "Can't you tell just by looking at my ever-larger back? — I assume that's what you came here to see."
The man snorted. "I couldn't give a damn about how strong you get, frankly."
"You very carefully didn't say anything about my back though — No wonder. Your sister-in-law loves it too, by the way."
The man grunted something rude in answer.
"And about you, Sasuke?" Naruto asked him. "Something up…? You're here more and more often. Feeling lonely…?"
Sasuke just made an amused sound. "Let's say... You have a particularly dangerous breed of dog running around. Wouldn't you want to keep an eye on it…?"
"Nah. The only reason for me to keep an eye on it would be if I were starting to care about it." Naruto chuckled.
"Certainly not."
"Well, the place definitely needed some greenery, so I'm glad you're being useful, for once." Naruto nodded. "And I'm very happy you chose to run away from your kids."
"…" Sasuke said nothing. Truth be told, this place outside of time was a huge boon for his mental health.
"Too close to home?"
"Yeah." Sasuke admitted.
"If you just plugged in the eye we so generously offered you, you could be in two places at the same time — with no risk of suddenly dropping a baby."
"…"
"I see you're considering it, at least. Growing up, I see."
"Fuck off, I'm not the one who can't piss when someone's looking." Sasuke said. Then he blinked.
Naruto blinked too. "…Ah. You remember that, then…? Man, you're in for a rough ride."
"I doubt it — insanity has kinda always been your thing, ever since the very first time. You're still a sore loser."
"I've gotten better." Naruto nodded. "Now… I just don't lose. You should have thought of that one."
"It just took you a few hundred years of throwing hissy-fits."
"Says the Uchiha." Naruto snorted.
"Says the idiot whose lost sperm got us in this mess in the first place, a thousand years ago."
"If you keep talking my boys down, I'll make sure that me and… let's say… Hanabi and Sakura have plenty of children to bully your line for the rest of eternity."
"…You don't mean that."
Naruto smiled.
"…You don't mean that — Right?" Sasuke asked again.
"I guess we'll have to wait and see."
Sasuke cursed. "You're such a fucking ass."
"It's what you get for killing me, last time."
"Madara lived — you told me! And you killed me first!" Sasuke growled. Indra killed Asura, technically, but well, he was kinda confused, sometimes.
"That's old news… A thousand years ago, really…?" Naruto rolled his eyes. "You're still here, aren't you? Speaking of, want to spar a bit?"
Sasuke hesitated. "…no."
"Why not?"
"Look, I didn't train much, recently. Been busy."
"So what?"
"…I don't want to die, frankly."
"I'll go easy on you."
"Fuck you — Give me a few weeks, and maybe."
"I'm sure this will be enough for you to bridge the gap." Naruto nodded, almost encouragingly.
"…Where is Toru?" Sasuke switched topics.
"Toru?" Naruto asked. "Yeah, he's still on it. A few worlds left for today, I think."
The Last Uzumaki
World #399
It was early morning, and the Last Uzumaki was sleeping very soundly; he was completely oblivious to any danger, because he was a master of Uzumaki Fuinjutsu™ - which was a bit like the regular sort, but better in every aspect.
He had made a private deal with the Hokage - and the Raikage, but he couldn't talk about that, something about treason or something equally narrow-minded -, selling some of his hard-earned knowledge to them.
Well, Uzumaki clan scrolls, technically. But they had taken a full day of reading to understand which ones were worth good money, which was more than Naruto uzu-ally bothered with.
The Last Uzumaki slept until noon.
When he woke up, he headed to the Training Grounds, three hours late, because he knew that's when Kakashi would finally bother to come.
Which was no surprise, as he knew nothing of hard work. Naruto decided that if he was still a Jōnin at the man's age - he was not one yet, but the Hokage would realize the mistake he was making soon -... he would kill himself.
"What are you doing, teme?" Naruto asked his brooding teammate.
He had no respect for Sasuke, because he had no respect for the weak.
It had been close to five years since his family had been murdered, and he was showing no signs of getting better, having become obsessed with killing his brother – which would make Sasuke the real Uchiha-Killer.
Some people had it worse. Naruto, for one, had no family at all, and he definitely was not complaining about it. Then again, Naruto knew that logic was not the Uchiha's strongest suit – they derived their power from their emotions, apparently.
"...I'm learning a technique." The Last Uchiha said, quite angrily. Why was he in such a bad mood again…?
You could never guess, with Uchiha.
…What did he say, again…? A technique?
"Give it to me, teme." The Last Uzumaki said, quite magnanimously.
"No." Sasuke said, with what he probably thought to be a firm tone.
"Give the jutsu to him, Sasuke." The Last Hatake said. He sounded as though he were begging, and Naruto knew that he himself would never be caught sounding like this.
"What?" Sasuke hissed. "My father gave it to me – it's the last thing he ever–"
"How embarrassing." Naruto said. "Emotions will never make a strong shinobi – you would know." He gave Sasuke a pointed look.
"...What do you mean?" Sasuke whispered. "You didn't just imply something about Itachi again, did you–"
"I was talking of Itachi, yes." Naruto said firmly. "Nothing more. Morals aside, he was a great shinobi."
There was something that Naruto thought looked pretty emotional in Sasuke's eyes. Was it the Sharingan...?
"Ah, I see that you are angry." Naruto noted. "You should pay attention to what I'm doing. My self-mastery and my knowledge of my worth prevent me from ever getting angry."
"...Does it?! Does it also prevent you from throwing tantrums?!" Sasuke's voice was rising – it was very embarrassing, and Naruto had to look away because of it. "Just yesterday, you were whining about not getting preferential treatment–"
"Sasuke, please." The Last Haruno–... Ah, perhaps she still had family…?
It was hard to tell, she didn't even have a ninja clan - how embarrassing. Anyway, Sakura said something.
She sounded as though she were begging as well. "I know it's unfair, but you know how he can be–"
"I won't!" Sasuke said – really petulantly, to Naruto's ears. "Everyone keeps indulging him. This ends today!"
Naruto stomped on the strange emotion that was rising through his stomach. His eyes felt a bit wet from his allergies, and he was sniffling a bit from the dust in the air.
He had had nothing handed to him, and the arrogant Uchiha wanted him to just lay down and take the abuse…? No more.
No more Mister Nice Guy.
"I do not care about your feelings, Sasuke." Naruto said, hiding the slight, unnoticeable, wobble in his voice. "I have something worth fighting for."
"Oh yeah?" Sasuke spat. "And what is it..? Your fragile ego?"
"No." Naruto shook his head. "Justice. For everyone, not just the privileged. Hand it over, teme."
To no one's surprise, Naruto and Sasuke fought on that day… as well.
Uchiha Toru slipped away from them, letting out a long-suffering sigh. There was one more world he needed to go to today.
An hour later. World-Eater's Den - Main Room
Toru was rubbing his temples.
"I don't think I want to do this anymore. Somehow, I always stumble upon the worst of them — I'm starting to think that Naruto is trying to make me think he is a good guy in comparison… or something." He said. "And I don't think Naruto and the others are trying very hard to find them. Then again, fuck Gama—"
"Look, I know some of the shit out there in the realms is weird, but—" Akemi began.
"What the hell is the point of a Civilian Council?!" Toru pulled at his hair. "Konoha is a ninja dictatorship. Why would a tyrant want one? At least Naruto makes some sense in that."
"Hey now, don't get non-chakra users lumped together." She frowned.
"Why would they banish their only jinchuuriki…? For trying to bring back a traitorous Sasuke, on top of it?" He whined. "Nothing makes sense out there."
Akemi just rubbed his back consolingly.
The Hokage — Naruto — was watching the scene, patiently. Boruto, next to him, shrugged. He was trying to figure out what the strange paintings, up on the walls, represented.
"…I guess it's a bad time to help you with your chart, then…?" Kage asked, his mismatched eyes full of empathy — and it didn't look fake, unlike the Naruto Toru knew. "I kinda wanted to do it, but we can come back another time."
Toru brightened. "No, thanks for reminding me. We can get started right now. You too, Boruto."
"So I'm not Tier 14?" He asked hopefully.
"Oh, Boruto." Kage said fondly. "You definitely are Tier 14 material."
Boruto grumbled something rude. Not too rude, of course, because there was the swear jar to take into account.
"It's okay." Toru nodded. "We all start somewhere… and you can help us with the lower tiers."
Senju and Uchiha(-ish)
World #07 - The Road
"Ah…" Sakura said with satisfaction. "Nothing like a good breakfast to start the day!"
Sarada stared. "You only had black tea."
"Well, yeah." Sakura nodded. "And there will be days where you don't get even that much — I mean you, me I'm done living like a cockroach."
"I would never have said." Tsunade muttered through her coffee cup.
"Keep it for the spar, big sis." Sakura chuckled. She dodged a plastic cup that shattered a window. "You're paying for that one — I already gave your name at the reception."
"I won't pay for your broken teeth." Tsunade said, seizing Sakura's own cup.
"No? I thought that you might as well put what's left of the Senju estates to good use." Sakura shrugged.
Tsunade stared.
"…There is something left, right?" Sakura blinked.
"Who do you think I am…?"
"A compulsive gambler with anger issues? I wouldn't really know — that's what one of my wives said, at least, but she can be a bit dismissive about formerly great clans that aren't the Uzumaki or the Hyuuga, depending on the day."
"…I'm not touching this statement with a ten-meter pole." Tsunade said, after a long pause.
"Truth hurts, right Sarada?" Sakura asked.
"Please — I don't want to be involved in this either."
"Fine." Sakura sighed. "Let's all brood like we're in the Uchiha clan compound."
"Tch." Tsunade scoffed. "Not that you would know about it, but they're quite a rowdy bunch."
"Only when they're drinking — Ah, but you probably wouldn't be there otherwise."
Sarada was trying to shrink.
"…I'm sorry, what did you just say?" Tsunade asked.
"You sure you want me to repeat that?" Sakura frowned. "And I do know quite a bit about Uchiha — both my teammates were from the clan, and I got invited over a few times, during the short time between me becoming a genin and getting crippled on our third big mission."
Something in Tsunade's eyes softened. Long ago, she had had a brother—
"Anyway, Toru — my teammate — and I sneaked some alcohol and tried to get Sasuke — my other teammate — to drink. Which turned out to be a bad move, because he torched down his fourth cousin's — twice removed — collection of exotic plants. I think the guilt of that event drove him straight to gardening. Thinking of which, I can't think of a single person into gardening who didn't have their own demons to face. Food for thought." Sakura continued. "You got any teammates?"
Tsunade stared. "…Are you trying to rile me up?"
"Rile me up?" Sakura chuckled. "What year is this…? No, I was talking to Sarada."
"I told you about Boruto already." She muttered. "And Mitsuki, but Auntie doesn't seem to like it when I talk about him."
"It's nothing that he did." Tsunade corrected softly. "I'm just vastly uncomfortable with the idea of Orochimaru… reproducing."
"Mitsuki's very nice." Sarada contested.
"Orochimaru was very nice too, at some point." Tsunade nodded. "And maybe — just maybe — I covered for him a bit too long, because of it. Careful with that one, Sarada."
"I'm sure Mitsuki will never try to give children a long-lost bloodline." Sakura waved Tsunade's worries off.
"…That's more your domain, isn't it?" The older woman motioned toward her eye, using her chin.
"Of course not. The Sharingan is her birthright." Sakura rolled her eyes. "Well, let's go and have that spar?"
She stood up casually.
"Don't think I don't know what you're trying to do." Tsunade muttered.
"Is this about our evil plan of putting the Hokage in our pocket by… being nice to people?" Sakura blinked. "Or did you stumble upon another of our nefarious plots? Like helping orphans…?"
"You're trying to steal my Chakra-Enhanced Strength jutsu." Tsunade scoffed.
"Absolutely not." Sakura lied.
Besides, stealing involved taking the other's thing for your own. Her method was simply copying - and imitation was a form of flattery.
"Of course you are — do you know who my great-uncle is…? I know all about Uchiha stealing our shit."
Sarada looked vaguely offended — less than she would have been before hearing about some of her most infamous relatives, though.
"I'm not Uchiha, though." Sakura laughed.
"You lie, steal and cheat; you might as well be — I don't mean you, Sarada, I mean the old generation, but they're all gone now." Tsunade amended.
(Besides the latest traitor to date, but that one was Naruto's friend — Tsunade carefully avoided thinking about how positively her grandfather had talked about Madara, even after he had tried to burn the entire village down.)
"Oh, wow…" Sakura breathed. "I haven't heard such condemning words since Danzo himself. What are you going to say next… That the trash took itself out? Or… Itachi did nothing wrong…?"
"…What the hell? No!" Tsunade roared. "I have nothing against Uchiha."
"You had an Uchiha friend, right?" Sakura said, dripping with false kindness.
"…Do you think I'm going to fall for that one?" Tsunade muttered. "I might not be getting any younger, but I'm not an out-of-touch, prejudiced—"
"Hey, you said it, not me." Sakura smiled enthusiastically.
"…Let's have that spar." Tsunade scowled.
"But aren't you worried about my red-eye stealing all of your secrets…?" Sakura asked, with a fake gasp.
Tsunade snorted. "I won't need any of them."
…
Tsunade dodged under a palm strike fast enough to make her second-guess her theory about the ravages of time not truly affecting her.
Or perhaps this Sakura was simply a whole lot faster than she remembered her student being.
She struck back with a rising knee — not using her chakra-enhanced strength, because unlike her apprentices, she already possessed incredible raw strength. Sakura deflected it with a burst of water that slapped against her thigh with a clapping sound.
She was trying to catch her eyes with her Sharingan — of course. Tsunade kept them down.
The puddle of water that had just formed moved, and with it, she caught a glimpse of red. The Sharingan's reflection. She cursed inwardly and pulsed her chakra twice, cleansing both almost unnoticeable illusions.
A hand made out of chakra barely missed her head. It slammed into a tree —
And came out of the puddle under her again, wrapping around her foot, pulling her down.
"Earth Style: Shatterfang." Tsunade called. The ground under her broke apart, dispelling the puddle and the arm that had gone through it entirely.
Tsunade blocked a surprisingly strong kick with her elbows and was sent sliding backwards.
"Water Release: Pervert's Delight." Sakura called. Tsunade blinked, and it was all the time it took for dozens of water tentacles to wrap around her.
She roared in outrage. "Are you for real?! This is something Jiraiya—"
"Whatever works, right?" Sakura grinned. "I think I won, anyway." She yawned.
"Oh yeah?!" Tsunade pulled.
The whips didn't budge. Sakura shrugged and walked away. "Admit defeat and I'll dispel them." She said, walking toward Sarada — who had carefully seated herself far away from them.
Tsunade was not about to give her that pleasure.
So apparently… She was going to need her super-strength.
Besides, Sakura was not looking.
With a carefully-timed — as natural as breathing to her —, Tsunade broke her shameful bindings.
"Great, thanks." Sakura lifted her hand in a thumbs-up, never turning to face her.
Her clone, the one Tsunade hadn't noticed before and had just now heard dispelling… dispelled.
And like that, she knew her jutsu had just been stolen.
"You little bi—" Tsunade roared. She saw Sarada watching the two of them very carefully — and inching away. "—nt." She finished lamely. No need to set a worse example than the one she was already setting.
"Ah, come on." Sakura laughed. "I actually had to put in some effort, too."
"Oh yeah?! Let me—"
"Well, yeah. At this point, it's actually harder for me to fight without using Kamui than the opposite. And well… to go this slow."
"Kamui…?" Tsunade asked tightly.
"Yeah, that one. Like Obito, that's where I got the eye in the first place."
"…Are you going around, stealing people's eyes?" Tsunade asked.
"Hey, if it works, it works." Sakura shrugged.
Tsunade scowled. She stood up, and dusted herself. "Well, I guess you got what you wanted. The spar's over."
"Ah come on." Sakura smiled easily — she had copied that particular expression from Toru, as apparently some people thought she looked too predatory when she tried. "That's a very incomplete copy, and you know it."
"Yes. And I don't really care."
Sakura scratched her head — this, she had unwillingly picked up from her husband. "Let's make it a bet, if you lose… you'll teach me—"
"I don't feel like betting right now." Tsunade cut her off. "Let's go to Konoha."
"Look, I'll cut the crap." Sakura began. "I want your super-strength, my wife Hanabi is winning our spars too often now and—"
"I — Don't — Care." Tsunade said.
"Damn, you're good at this, huh." Sakura nodded. As expected from one of the Legendary Three. "What do you want?"
"You have nothing that can interest me." Tsunade laughed tightly. "Let's go to Konoha, fast."
Sakura sighed. "Alright, I guess you can have a Rinnegan."
"No."
"No?" Sakura blinked. "…Two Rinnegan?"
"I said no."
"You're right, that's a bit too much for a single jutsu." Sakura admitted. "But I can't cut it in half."
"Which part of 'I don't want this' are you not getting?"
"…The core concept?" Sakura shrugged. She scratched her chin. "Say, you're Senju Hashirama's granddaughter, right?"
"No shit."
"Ah, then you might have something of value to me."
A vein popped on Tsunade's forehead. "Oh…?" She asked dangerously. "Stealing one of my techniques was not enough for you?"
"Not really. I also want the theory behind your chakra storage technique — I kinda fucked myself up once already, and Bijuu chakra or not, I'd rather avoid doing that again — and the secrets to your Slug transformation."
"…I don't transform into a Slug." Tsunade said flatly. "Also, no."
"Ah, sorry, I'm mixing things up. Your Slug Sage mode or whatever. Senju Hashirama apparently could do it and Sasuke's definitely not teaching us — if he even knows how."
"What does Uchiha Sasuke have to do with my grandpa?"
"Long story." Sakura waved off. "But I can tell you for the right pr—"
"No."
"Okay, how about a piece of the… magical eternal youth fruit — and the Rinnegan as extra insurance? Oh, did I forgot to tell you that this came with the eye too…? And with its secrets, perhaps you could even try to become this world's best healer again."
Tsunade paused for a second. Sakura carefully didn't grin.
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