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World #01 - Konohagakure.
"Come on, man, it will be fuuun." Toru whined.
Sasuke sighed. Toru's idea of fun was somewhat different from his own — on a good day. "Look, I don't know." He muttered. "You told me it's all a mess and—"
"We'll just go someworld reasonable, then. A bit like home." Toru nodded.
"That's not a word — and I get the feeling you just don't want to be alone."
"Please, man." Toru almost begged. "Akemi doesn't want to, this time. Why should I go...? I don't even give a fuck about this Gama guy-"
"Alright, alright." Sasuke sighed. "I'm coming."
"You're the best cousin a guy could ask for." Toru grinned, slipping an arm around his shoulders. "It's going to be a bit like an adventure, right? How long since we had one together?"
Sasuke let himself hope - if only a bit. Perhaps it wouldn't be so bad, out there.
"Yeah." He said hesitantly. "Okay."
…
"Where are you going?" The young Sasuke asked suspiciously.
"To another world, apparently." The older one answered with a helpless shrug. "My cousin said so."
"And that's enough for you to go…?" The younger one frowned.
'Yes, that's enough because I'm spending most of my waking time around children and I'm getting a bit antsy.'
Sasuke bit his retort back.
"Yes." He said.
"Are you sure you're not trying to get out of training me?" The younger one asked, ever suspicious. "Like that man did."
"No." Sasuke sighed. "I promise I'll help you. But today's not a training day—"
"That man won't wait." The younger one shot back. He clenched his fist, eyes growing intense. "Every day that passes, his strength grows. He's getting ready to fight me to test it. I need to make sure this one is his last—"
"Okay, okay." Sasuke grumbled. "Go ask Itachi."
The younger one looked at him as though he were particularly stupid — Sasuke knew that look, because he had seen it aimed at the young Naruto many times, by now.
"I can't ask a man so much like that man I need to kill." He retorted. "That would be stupid."
Sasuke sighed. "Itachi is very good at killing himself, really. There's no reason he would not be good at killing another him."
The young Sasuke hesitated. "But what if he tries to kill me?"
"…Itachi won't try to kill you. I promise."
"…That man made a lot of promises, too." The young one muttered.
A shrill scream cut through the silence.
"FIRE STYLE: GREAT FIREBALL!"
Both Sasuke stared at the young Naruto.
Nothing happened.
Naruto was starting to feel pressured, and he forced a cough out of his throat.
Nothing happened.
He coughed louder and managed to spit a few embers.
"…I meant to do that." Naruto declared.
"…Please go see Itachi, both of you. Where is my mother? ...And Akemi?"
"We managed to lose her. Both of them, even-" Naruto said before cutting himself off.
"Idiot — Don't say it to him." Young-Sasuke hissed.
Sasuke sighed again. "Go find an adult. One that is not me."
The children deflated.
"Yeah." Young-Sasuke muttered. "I guess."
"It's okay." Naruto tried to console him. "Hey — LOOK!"
The embers were enough to start a small fire. Naruto whooped for joy.
"I'm going to be the FIRE SHADOW!" He shouted. "Take that, Kiba!"
"…Who did this? Who's trying to teach him how to make a fireball?" Sasuke asked in clipped tones. "If it's Toru..."
The young Sasuke shrugged. "Me. Dad said it was important and he's an Uchiha now. He's very bad at it, though — I knew he'd be."
"I HEARD THAT!" Naruto screeched.
"His ears are really good, though." The young Sasuke muttered. "Mine won't be for long — he's very loud."
Naruto continued.
"ONCE I GET MY SHARINGAN—"
Umigakure.
Naruto — the original one — stood in his office, for once.
The Shadow he had left in charge and Tanabe Mai were with him.
"—and some of them are becoming quite vocal about it." Mai finished her latest report.
Naruto sighed and let himself fall back onto the couch. "Ah, yes. That's why I didn't want to bother with this shit."
Naruto's Shadow glared at him. "That's all you have to say?"
"Well, you know me." Naruto laughed.
"Some of the Ministers are claiming favoritism—" Mai began.
"I'm sure they freaked out enough to calm down when they saw the light show. Also… Which ones?" Naruto asked. Mai opened her mouth. "No wait. Let me guess. Katsu, Yamazaki and Fujikawa?"
"…Close." Mai admitted. "Machida, not Fujikawa."
"Ah." Naruto laughed. "Should have seen it coming. I was hoping that by keeping some power-hungry people around, they'd play power games among themselves. Perhaps it's time I pay them a visit again." He said. "Wait… What am I saying? It's time you pay them a visit." Naruto pointed at his Shadow.
The Shadow sighed. "…I guess that's my purpose."
"Get yourself a hobby too, while you're at it. You look dead inside."
The Shadow pursed his lips. "Me? …Have you seen Itachi recently?"
"Nope." Naruto shrugged. "And I probably shouldn't, if what Mai tells me is true." He sighed. "You just gift one measly Rinnegan or two to a friend — that he doesn't even use — and everybody starts freaking out."
Mai pursed her lips, too.
"I guess I can give one to Mei, too. As for Kumo... Yugito has plenty of them already. Then one to the Tsuchikage, if needed. There will be less bitching that way. Or they will complain more and say that only the former Villages got the eyes, who knows." Naruto frowned. "No gifting non-friends it is, then. Say, which month are we, even?"
"…August." The Shadow said in clipped tones.
"Ah, yes." Naruto stood up. "August. You guys continue to run this ship, then."
"But—" Mai began.
"You did an excellent job." He smiled.
"But—"
"No buts." Naruto smiled. "You really did. Ah, please take some time off, too. Right now, if you want to."
He disappeared again.
"Do you think he's going to do something drastic…?" Mai asked. "Ah, no. He's going to appease the people… quell a potential rebellion, maybe?"
The Shadow stared. "I highly doubt it."
Saheji — Former Land of Lightning. A half-hour later.
"—So that's why I can't say with certainty that she would like me." Hanabi concluded.
It was a beautiful day. Hanabi had her arm wrapped around Naruto's, they walked at the exact same pace.
Naruto looked at her dubiously.
"…Look, I never met my mother." He said.
"We could." Hanabi offered. "With enough time, we could find a world similar enough to ours where she lived and all."
Naruto shrugged. "It's not really the same, and… She didn't exactly raise me. It's a pretty tenuous connection there."
"Yes, but…"
"One that I'm not really interested in. Ah… Don't look so disappointed." He scratched his chin. "I've heard she was a pretty outgoing, headstrong woman." He began.
"Where did you hear this?"
"Kage's Kakashi. Anyway, she never let anything — not even a gigantic dick of a fox—"
"A gigantic fur-cock or a fox who happens to be an asshole?" Hanabi grinned.
He chuckled. "I'm sure you can't tell. But I'm pretty sure she would have loved you."
"…You think so?"
"As long as you didn't rub in her lack of Dojutsu too much." He nodded with finality.
"It's only in good fun." She waved his concerns off. "You know it."
"I know it, but would she?"
"Well, yeah — if she knew you, she would have to."
"If you say so." Naruto shrugged. "Anyway… don't worry about this too much."
"I don't." She chirped happily. "You said she'd be fine with me."
"…I don't know what's gotten into you." He chuckled. "Feeling traditional today? About getting your mother-in-law's blessing…? Speaking of tradition… Depending on what she's like, perhaps she would mind the whole… thing."
"This place is a bit nostalgic, that's all." She grinned. "I know you well, you're thinking the same thing. And I'm sure she'd be fine with our wives."
Naruto shrugged. Probably not, according to Kakashi.
"Well… We never got to finish our very first date, a long, long while ago." Hanabi smiled.
"That was a date…?" Naruto asked bemusedly. "I thought you were trying to make sure I didn't have a mental breakdown."
"That's what love is about." Hanabi frowned.
The last member of their trio chose this moment to intervene.
"Indeed." Karin grinned, from Naruto's other arm.
"…It's kinda funny, though." Hanabi began. "I don't quite remember you being there, last time."
"I'm your wife." Karin laughed. "I may not have been there physically, but still—"
"No, she's right, Karin." Naruto chuckled. "You were not here at all."
"…Was this before or after the time you tried to kill me and Hanabi, again…? My memory is a bit fuzzy, I can't quite remember." Karin said pleasantly, inspecting her fingernails.
"Gods…" Naruto muttered. "No need to be like this."
"I'm sorry." Karin said very insincerely. "I won't remind you about this incident anymore. Where are we going again?"
Hanabi laughed. "You've been spending too much time around Sakura, recently — There's a theater show that's unique to this region."
"Or around you, perhaps." Karin shrugged. "Sakura is pretty busy with her apprentice."
"That's one incoming disaster I'd rather not think too much about." Naruto said.
"…Don't you think the kid's going to snap and murder someone during the exams?" Karin asked.
"Is it still allowed?"
Hanabi shrugged. "No idea. Does it matter?"
"Perhaps we should say something." Karin muttered.
"And then what?" Naruto snorted. "If — gods forbid — the kid looks up to Sakura, she will just believe we're trying to drive a wedge between the two of them."
"Are you speaking out of experience?" Hanabi asked pointedly. "Something to do with… what's his name again?"
"Boruto. And no." Naruto shook his head. "He doesn't trust me blindly."
"If you say so." Hanabi nodded politely. "He looks like your personal watchdog, sometimes. Small one, though. A Shiba Inu, perhaps? He does look goofy enough."
"Leave Boruto out of this." Karin said. "…Why are you wearing my shirt…?"
"It's not yours." Hanabi lied. "You would have noticed earlier, if it were. Besides, I don't have boulder shoulders like you, there's no way your shirts would fit me."
"I don't know if that's a compliment or not, coming from you. But thanks."
"You're welcome, dear." Hanabi smiled.
Naruto didn't say anything. But he definitely had noticed just how often they were — all of them — wearing each other's clothes. And they stole his own too, sometimes. Which looked ridiculously oversized on them.
…Kinda cute, though.
A world further away.
Yoisen thought she had braced herself for just about anything.
This world, though… was strange.
There was no chakra to the air so to speak. Which was something she could compensate for.
That wasn't the strange part.
The half-open connection this world shared with its own Hell realm, now… This was bizarre. There seemed to be humans who could harness some degree — although slight — of the hellish energy and use it.
Even stranger, there seemed to be creatures emerging from these lower realms, seemingly with no patterns, no clear intention but destruction. And these creatures could definitely harness the energy.
Her language studies were going well, and after a single month in small, random villages — she had been split from her original realm's time —, she could understand a few basic words. The closest approximation she could make for what people called these creatures was 'demon.'
Demons, then?
There was a living to be made getting rid of them, too. Which would afford her food, while she made sure to fine-tune the dimensional jump process.
This had been far too messy. And short-sighted, too. Which was something she usually avoided.
…Perhaps she had panicked.
Yoisen watched the orange sun set over the horizon slowly. It was beautiful. Although...
Oh. This was new.
It was a bit lonely, somehow.
World #466
"Did the jutsu even work…?" Sasuke asked Toru.
Toru laughed. "What…? Did you expect other dimensions to have a sepia filter or something…?"
Sasuke shrugged. "I don't know much about dimensional travel."
Toru bowed, with a flourish. "And that is why I… Uchiha Toru, will be your guide to the scary realms far beyond. Our trip won't be a long one. You can simply call me Toru-sama for…" Toru cut himself off. "…Why are your eyes misty, exactly?"
"They're not." Sasuke denied, blinking quickly. "A trick of the light."
"Gods, you're weird." Toru shook his head. "You're lucky Itachi is your brother, cause you'd be the strange one, otherwise. If it were me, instead…"
"Shisui looks reasonable next to you."
"Sisui." Toru corrected with a grin.
"True, Sisui." Sasuke grinned, too. "So. It's a whole new world out there. Where are we going?"
"Wherever seems nice." Toru motioned. "Half the fun's figuring out what's going on, out there. Did you know we found a world where Naruto keeps on moping and being super depressing?"
Sasuke snorted. "I assume this particular world has already achieved world peace, space travel and universal understanding?"
"Not exactly." Toru laughed. "But at least that one is not trying to burn down the Land of Fire as an ironical statement."
"…What?"
"Nothing." Toru slapped his back.
"You just said—"
"I said nothing." Toru slapped his back again. Sasuke glared at him. "Walk with me?"
"What is this city, even?" Sasuke asked, looking around.
"I don't know, frankly." Toru shrugged. "I'm never entirely sure where we land. But the architecture is clearly Ōhrai style, so there's that. Similar enough." He concluded.
"Good point." Sasuke admitted. "Seems like you learned something during your time abroad, after all."
"Me?" Toru raised an eyebrow. "Of course I did. But Sakura? Man, ever since we don't have as clearly defined goals like 'Kill this guy' or 'Murder that woman' or 'This country needs a violent change in government officials'… She's been all over the place."
"What is she doing…?"
"Writing a book, fucking things up for us, mostly. Trying to achieve ultimate power to one-up Hanabi." Toru winced. "I think that's how she gets her kicks — I wish she just stuck to the novels, really."
"That's what happens there's no sensei around to nip your worst traits in the bud." Sasuke nodded sagely.
"Yeah, I've seen what you become without Jiraiya around." Toru muttered. "Bit of a killjoy — though there might be some… other factors at play there. Hey, you're not listening!"
Sasuke was buying a newspaper.
"You were right. Very similar to home." He said brightly. "They even accepted my money."
"…What are you doing?"
"Reading the news."
"God, you're such an old man already." Toru grinned. "Must be the kids."
"…You guys are the ones publishing news, not me." Sasuke frowned. "Gods, move away from me, I can't read shit."
"Ah come on." Toru laughed. "You and I both know you need people who aren't afraid of big ol' Living Flame."
"Me…?" Sasuke snorted. "Do you know how scared people are of Naruto…? And of you guys."
"…What?" Toru blinked. "Me too? I'm as relatable as it comes."
"Oh… Yes." Sasuke deadpanned. "The immortal Emperor's equally immortal right hand."
"Well… First of all, I'm not his right hand." Toru frowned. "And… That applies to you, too."
"I'm not immortal." Sasuke chuckled. "Nor his right hand."
"You sure about the first part…?" Toru asked. "Aren't you still linked to Naruto…?"
"So…?"
Toru shrugged. "He might just pick you out of Hell. Or Heaven. Or wherever you go."
"No he won't." Sasuke chuckled.
Toru shrugged again.
"…No, he won't…?" Sasuke repeated.
"You guys should work out the specifics among yourselves." Toru decided. "Though I do understand that the mainlanders—"
"Such an islander thing to say." Sasuke shook his head, trying to regain his countenance.
"That the mainlanders are a bit afraid of Yugito. Big, scary, frowny Raikage is very pregnant and that guy's the dad…"
"Well, at least, it looks like he's going to stick around, this time." Sasuke said.
"…This time?" Toru blinked. "Did Naruto leave some bastards around?"
"That's not a pretty word." Sasuke frowned. "Very old-fashioned. Grandma used to —"
"I didn't mean bastards because of their parents' marital status." Toru chuckled. "Just that they are Naruto's children."
"Oh." Sasuke smiled too. "…But no, I meant back then — over the centuries."
"Ah." Toru muttered. "Yeah. Not touching that topic. We're definitely raising the child, though. Naruto's even getting some practice, I believe."
"What the hell…?" Sasuke muttered. "No, not what you said. Read this." He said, forcing the newspaper in Toru's hands.
Toru read it.
"…Oh, boy."
World #07 - The Road
"Say, you know how I'm married and all? I'm always looking to improve — and beat my wife. Not necessarily in a battle." Sakura began. "...But I mean to defeat her, here."
"…What does it have to do with me?" Tsunade asked. "You want to get better at something? Why not try your hand at empathy, kindness and—"
"I'm competitive. In everything." Sakura said, staring at Tsunade.
Sarada looked away so that her Sharingan couldn't read their lips, and she put her fingers in her ears.
"Rude." Sakura laughed, ruffling her hair. Sarada muttered something about not being a dog. Good, she was finding her spine — though Sakura was not sure what had triggered her this time. Uchiha.
Tsunade paused.
"…So?"
"Can you teach me?"
"…Teach you what?"
"Are you or are you not called the Legendary Sucker—"
"It's about gambling!" Tsunade roared.
"…Ah, my bad. Since Orochimaru has this thing with his tongue and Jiraiya is apparently really into sleeping around, I thought… Well, no matter." Sakura shrugged. "…It's really not about your teammates, then?"
"No!"
"Can you really blame me, though? It's a bit misleading."
…
"Ah, I think I'm being called someplace else. Must be important." Sakura blinked. "You girls continue our card game without me."
"Okay." Sarada nodded dutifully.
"Gladly." Tsunade muttered, eyeing the eyes in a jar.
"Yeah, I guess you can do the procedure yourself." Sakura nodded.
Tsunade scoffed. "I am the one who modernized it—"
Sakura was already gone.
Tsunade shrugged. She had made a good deal for herself — or Sakura had fleeced herself, perhaps.
World #7570 - Tokyo
"I see." Gama nodded to himself. "I believe that my lack of pictures is hamstringing me, when it comes to meeting these women the internet puts me in contact with."
"You think…? I believe it is helping you, instead." Hebi nodded. "Anyway, our time is almost up, we're leaving."
"That's fine. I'm going to steal a camera around and then get myself some nice pictures."
"…Who's going to take them? Because I definitely am not."
"I don't expect you to have any sort of artistic fiber in you." Gama laughed. "A clone will take them for me. Or Nacchan. Same thing, really."
"…That's just sad." Hebi shook her head. She painted, and she was willing to bet that Gama didn't have any sort of hobby.
"Oh, I won't stop here. I need pictures in different settings — I've compiled a mental list of what makes women's profiles attractive, I just had to reverse-engineer it. The factors are confidence; clear intentions; good high-quality pictures that showcase my fascinating lifestyle, amazing body and face, the fact that I have friends, some of them that happen to be beautiful women; being simple but not dull; a witty line or two; and a great smile. I have all of these, besides the photos."
"…Do you have friends?"
"Do you?" Gama asked pointedly, and she looked away. "Anyway, I have something better."
"Whatever you're about to say, think twice."
"I have shadow clones." Gama grinned.
Hebi closed her eyes. She understood right away.
"It's impossible to fail." He laughed. "Women love a man in high demand."
"…What a gross generalization." Hebi rolled her eyes.
"Let's go with it, just for the sake of my argument." Gama waved off. "Most people prefer an attractive partner."
"And nothing conveys a man in high demand more than having shadow clones disguised as pretend girlfriends." Hebi mocked.
Gama shrugged, shamelessly. "Necessity leads to innovation."
Hebi stared.
"Also, they don't know about shadow clones anyway." He laughed. "Not that they would notice back home, if we even had an internet."
"I cannot believe it — I think I'm actually going to help you with it."
"Oh?" Gama blinked. "Why is that?"
"I cannot think of anything more pathetic than you running around with your clones, taking pictures that you believe will help you have sex."
Gama rolled his eyes. "I didn't expect you to get it — but thanks. First, we need an exotic location. Are you good at running?"
"…Why?"
"Why to what?"
"Both things?"
Gama grinned. Despite himself, he was starting to enjoy her company. Smart, driven, pretty good-looking, talented at the ninja arts… She reminded him of himself, somewhat.
Now… to survive her more violent moods.
…
Nacchan was a good student.
He could not afford not to be. Cutting class was something that was out of the question. Usually.
Today, the stakes were much higher. So Nacchan simply ran out of school, looking for the two idiots.
Now… How did you even find people in a town as crowded as Tokyo…?
…
"Stealing a camera is going to be as easy as taking candy from a baby — one that is willing." Hebi said.
"…I don't always get your metaphors, snake-girl." Gama said, looking around the shop. "Whoa, what is this—"
"Keep your eye on the prize." Hebi dragged him away from whatever shiny new thing had caught his attention — and there was no shortage of that. "One of the shopkeeper's numerous assistants pointed to the section in the back — it is of the utmost importance that we do not get lost."
"Alright, alright — I get it, you're pulling too hard."
This modern world had plenty of large shops, apparently. They had asked where they could buy a camera, and Yodobashi had been the answer.
They were in the camera section.
"Can I take pictures with this one?" Gama asked the first person to come around.
The man stared at him. "…Yes?"
"Alright, thank you." He nodded. The man threw them another strange look before leaving.
"Coast is clear." Hebi muttered. "My snakes told me as much."
"…You can reach your snakes?"
"I keep several on my person at all times — and it turned out to be a wise move, because I cannot summon more of them. Any of them, really. Perhaps I will find more of them in this world. Although they might be lacking in cognition, with such paltry amounts of natural energy."
Gama shrugged. He sealed the camera, box included, in a little notebook he had converted.
"That's step one." He grinned proudly, extending his hand for a high-five.
Hebi stared at him.
"Alright." He nodded, withdrawing his hand. "One step at a time, right?"
…
Hebi picked up on the camera's workings easily — they had some at home, after all. Nothing quite so fancy, though.
She stared up at him. "You sure you want a picture here? It's a bit… crowded, this Shibuya thing."
Privately, Hebi felt ill at ease. She wasn't agoraphobic, far from it… but this was just…
Too much.
"Of course." Gama grinned. "I've never seen quite so many people in one place. It's going to make for an excellent photo — I should have stolen some fancy clothes, but it's too late now. I'm sure no one ever thought of it."
"If you're sure." Hebi said dubiously. "Shibuya it is, then."
…
"Then we need a friendly dog to make me seem more approachable." Gama declared.
"…As in, you're going to raise a dog?" Hebi frowned. That sounded like the worst of his recent ideas. And his usage of 'we' didn't put her at ease in the least.
Gama laughed. "Of course not, it's just for a picture."
"…"
"And then, clones disguised as women." Gama nodded. "We'll need a secluded place for that one — Nacchan reacted weirdly to us using jutsu, so maybe it's not that common here."
"…Are you for real?" Hebi hissed.
"Well, yes." Gama nodded. "I'd ask you, because snake-thing aside, you are a beautiful woman."
Hebi paused. "…What?"
"But we look too much alike, honestly. It's going to look pathetic — 'Hey look, Haru… This guy asked his sister to take a picture with him, what a loser."
"…This is way better than your shadow clone idea."
"Awwww." Gama crowed. "She wants a picture with her big bro — Please, NO! I was joking—"
World #466
"That's a nice palace you have here." Toru said, as he and Sasuke warped inside of it. "Is this Uzushiogakure?"
To her credit, the person he addressed didn't lose her composure.
"Thank you. It is." The only woman in the room nodded. She didn't move to attack them. She didn't move at all, in fact. She just stared at them placidly, her ringed purple eyes gleaming.
There were two men standing on either side of her, hands extended. One from Suna, one from Konoha. In their eyes shone the mirrored Rinnegan as well.
Toru ignored it. Besides Sasuke, everybody had one anyway.
"How many people did you have to kill to take over?" Sasuke asked conversationally.
The Empress, Uzumaki Naruko, smiled. She spoke.
"How many people were left in the Akatsuki when Nagato tried to pull his bullshit, Gaara…?"
"I believe it was nine high-ranking members, as well as the men he took with him from Ame." Gaara said evenly.
Toru stared at the redhead.
"…You always think you're so cool." Toru muttered.
"What was that?" Gaara blinked.
"With your stupid sexy voice and your… your…"
"Perfect control over sand." Sasuke finished for him.
"Yes." Toru nodded. "Do you think you're better than us?"
"…I'm not quite sure I follow." Gaara said slowly.
"Do not listen to them." Nara Shikamaru declared.
Naruko laughed. "Listen all you want my darlings, their inane babble doesn't matter in any way."
"Oh, no." Toru muttered.
"…You guys are a throuple?" Sasuke asked.
"What of it?" The Empress waved his concerns away. She grinned saucily. "Have you never seen anything quite like it before?"
"…No, we did."
"Everyday I have to suffer their shit." Toru stared at the ceiling. "Even when they're not here."
"Who might you be talking about, Uchiha-kun?" Naruko asked.
"Your counterpart."
Naruko laughed. "How delightful! So you are world-hoppers! I thought so when I saw the eye you have hidden under there, handsome."
"You too, then?" Toru asked.
"No." Naruko shook her head. "Unfortunately, these eyes only allow me to accelerate my perception of time."
"Oh, only that…?" Sasuke asked, somewhat sarcastically.
"Hey, I'm not complaining." She shrugged. "It sure came in handy when it came to beating Nagato. But it would sure help in expanding—"
"Naruko." Gaara intervened.
"Ah, I'm monologuing again…?" She asked.
"Yes." He said with a fond expression.
Toru felt a bit sick. That was Gaara, for Tsukuyomi's sake. Sasuke didn't look too comfortable either.
"Sorry, bad habit." She shrugged.
"It's okay." Toru nodded. "Every villain does."
Naruko laughed. "Oh, he talks back, too! How amusing!" She licked her lips. Seductively.
Toru shuddered. He had been willing to ignore the first offense. Sasuke's hand was tight around his sword. He didn't unsheathe it yet, though.
"We're going away." Toru decided.
"What about the news?" Sasuke grunted. He was doing a whole lot more of that here, which meant he was in one of his moods.
"Ah, yeah. That." Toru sighed, pulling his own weapon out. He pointed at the Empress. "You requested one man to be handed to you every year. To serve you. We're going to stop your human sacrifice rituals."
Naruko laughed. "Of course I did. Now you forgot one part. One handsome man. And they come to me willingly, it's the greatest honor a man can obtain. Because why wouldn't they…?"
Toru scowled. "That's not how it was worded."
"Everyone knows me and my tastes." Naruko shrugged. "There is no need for more detail in the news."
"They are not from here, Naruko." Shikamaru intervened.
She twirled her hair idly. "That's true enough."
"We're going back, by the way." Toru warned. "This world is like home except it's not."
"Who said you could leave?" Naruko blinked.
A shadow stretched from behind them, as quick as lightning — metaphorically. Toru and Sasuke split to avoid it. The shadow branched out toward both of them.
"Uchiha Clan Hidden Art…" Toru began. Sasuke growled.
"Just light the way!" He said, calling forth his very limited — even more so since Shukaku had left — control over sand itself to make the incoming wave of it crumble. Gaara blinked in surprise.
Naruko stood up, laughing. "Some control over sand? Or is it magnetism? You? How unique!" Tree roots exploded out of the floor, wrapping around Shikamaru, but missing both Gaara and her. "And Mokuton, too?" She grinned in delight.
"Fuck, off, Naruko." Toru shouted. "That's Sasuke!"
"Oh, I know!" She laughed. Lightning exploded out of her body, covering her in a shroud of blue light. More men entered the room. "That is exactly why—"
"Wait wait wait!" Toru called, lifting a hand up in the air.
"…You're ruining my fun. What is it?" She frowned, calling for the men to stop. They did, at her mere signal. "Be quick with it, we still have to subdue you. And if it is a ruse…"
"It's not." Sasuke said in Toru's stead. "…Is this… Neji?"
Hyuuga Neji's eyes were frosty — as always. In his eyes shone the Rinnegan, too. "His eyes are peerless, and he's as beautiful as it gets." She nodded congenially. "What of it?"
"And this…" Toru pointed at the man in a green jumpsuit. "Is Gai?"
"No." Naruko frowned. "Who do you take me for? This is my darling Lee. Doesn't he look delicious?"
In his eyes shone the Rinnegan as well.
"Not really." Sasuke said flatly.
"He's all hard muscle and harder work and sweat." Naruko smiled. Lee blushed and blew her a kiss. He muttered something about youth, but neither Toru nor Sasuke cared — one would never age and the other still had doubts about the matter, on top of being a tired father. "Let's resume."
"Wait!" Toru called once more.
"…Look, you're cute, but you don't get to call the shots." Naruko frowned.
"…Are you involved with all of them?" Toru asked.
"The harem must grow." Naruko shrugged. "Also, that's just my inner circle."
"…And orgies too, I bet? She's just like him." Toru snarled.
"Like your male Naruko?" She asked, nodding. "Of course. We work hard… and we play hard."
They ignored her.
"Who? Naruto?" Sasuke blinked. "Is he… expanding as well?"
"…No. But it's just a matter of time." Toru said, with the conviction of the just.
"Why do you even care what Naruto does? He's been weird for… ever." Sasuke shrugged. "I find it distasteful for sure, but…"
"You're not the one living in close quarters with them half the time!"
"You don't have to. Just come home with Akemi." Sasuke extended the offer.
"And what, help you raise the demon twins? On top of the other demon brothers?" Toru snorted. "No thank you. Nice try, though."
"As opposed to Naruto's demon heir?" Sasuke asked dryly. "My sons will begin to sound like the easy option."
"…Let's face it, I'm probably going to be the godfather." Toru muttered. "And you know them. All of them. I need to watch over the child."
"While this is very interesting and all…" Naruko began. "I believe I extended a challenge to you. What will it be? Lay down and take it? There's a time for this as well."
"We're not biting. In fact, we're leaving." Toru retorted. "Right, Sasuke…?"
"…"
"Sasuke…?" Toru asked again. He knew this obsessed look.
"I've been wanting to face Naruto again." Sasuke muttered. "To defeat him. If I… I mean, if I were to lose to this one, he wouldn't know. It would be a good way to test myself."
"Oh, no."
Naruko grinned. "Ah… Spirited. Of course you are." She licked her lips.
"…Why do you say this?" Toru asked.
"You against me, then." Sasuke said. "The others, as well as my cousin, can just watch."
"Just watch huh…?" Naruko wagged her eyebrows suggestively at Neji. He grinned with an expression of anticipation.
"Oh come on." Toru shuddered. "And you. Neji! How can someone be worse than Hanabi?"
"You know of my cousin…?" Neji blinked. He was promptly ignored.
Naruko sat back down.
"It is a delightful idea. However… Sasuke-kun. You won't face me right away." Naruko laughed. "Instead, you will fight my… champion."
Sasuke shrugged. "Bring that person out."
"Oh, I wouldn't be so confident if I were you." Naruko smiled, low and dangerous. "He is one of my close companions—"
"Ah, another bedmate, you mean." Sasuke nodded. "Whatever. I do not care for your harem."
"…He is." She admitted. "Do come in, dear."
The doors opened once more.
A man came in at a slow, languid pace. He was wearing a shirt that revealed much of his chest. Naruko stared at him openly, licking her lips.
Sasuke recoiled in horror.
Not just at Naruko's shameless gesture. But because of the man's identity.
Toru pursed his lips.
"You called for me?" The newcomer, another Uchiha Sasuke, asked.
Toru and Sasuke stared at him.
"…Is he cosplaying as a sexy pirate?" Toru muttered to his cousin.
The half-naked Sasuke smirked at them.
"I did call for you, dear." Naruko said with a smoldering look. "Defeat the other you and he shall... join us. Perhaps both of them, even." She said with anticipation. There was no doubt about what she meant.
"Of course, Naruko."
Toru gave Sasuke a worried look.
"I'm being called, I think." He just said. "To Umi."
It was also a good reason to leave.
"…You were right." The latter began. "We really shouldn't stay here, after all. Let us leave. Toru… if you could?" He asked, sounding as though he were begging. Toru just nodded silently. No need to rub it in.
Truth be told, he had been worried about finding himself in a similar position, ever since they had gotten there.
Naruko lifted an eyebrow. "Did I say you could, perhaps—"
"Fuck off, Indra." Sasuke grunted as Toru worked on warping them away. "Keep that spiritual incest in your pants."