Nacchan went to the toilets to puke, not too long after that.
"I mean…" Karin began. "I kinda saw it coming. He's a civilian, Toru. Akemi didn't really enjoy the mind-bending illusions at first, either."
"I don't think his memory stretches quite that far." Hanabi smiled.
"You're one to talk." Toru shot back. "What's this guy's name, huh?"
Hanabi stared at him. "He's a Naruto too, I would presume."
Toru frowned. "…Yeah, perhaps I trapped myself here."
"You can't be good at everything." Hanabi said, full of false kindness. "You can even be bad at most things."
"Bad, huh…?" Toru jeered. "Like that second-to-last comic series you published? The one with the fucked up romance? The one that tanked?"
She showed no sign of shame.
"People weren't ready for that." Hanabi shrugged. "Their kids will love it, though."
Toru chuckled derisively. "I'll tell you how that goes in thirty years, then."
"That's assuming you'll still be alive."
"Why would I not be?"
"I don't know." Hanabi said. "You've been to Hell before."
"You can't prove that."
"I can." She nodded. "Should I strike your heart or the peanut-sized thing I see in between your ears? It's barely bigger than the other peanut-sized thing in between your legs."
Toru growled.
"Don't tell lies!" He turned toward Naruto. "Tell her, man."
"…I'm not touching this conversation." Naruto declared.
"Come on, we've been to the hot springs!"
"Did I stutter?"
"Fuck you."
Hanabi smiled and Toru told her to get fucked as well.
Nacchan came back from the toiled to the two of them trying to stab each other with forks.
It didn't look like a particularly odd day for them.
"You promised something." Nacchan reminded them.
"We did." Naruto nodded, getting ready to stand up. Yūshirō made a sound of protest, so he waited. He was hungry again.
Naruto shook his head, bemused.
"All that guy does is sleep, eat and try to grab at people's tits." He said.
Ino snorted. "That does sound familiar, doesn't it…?"
Naruto grumbled under his breath, even as Yugito laughed. "Whatever." Even then, he picked the child up. "Want more water?" He asked him.
Yūshirō gurgled.
"That's a 'yes, I'll take more water.'" Naruto nodded to himself, tickling his son's belly. "He's really passionate about guzzling water." Ino's eyes softened, and he noticed. "…Don't give me that sweet look, Ino."
She smiled. "Of course not."
"How precious." Karin grinned. Hanabi just rolled her eyes fondly.
Naruto and Nacchan wandered aimlessly for a while.
Mostly because Naruto insisted on walking there. Nacchan was almost certain that the man was simply curious to explore, as he didn't seem intent on truly coming back at any point later.
Naruto wasn't entirely sure what made it happen here, that day.
He had been warned about these beings, of course, and had seen them on repeated occasions. After a while, it just became something that he and his group saw on occasion. Something that was not particularly worrying. They walked for more than an hour, until Nacchan's feet hurt and Naruto's mood alternated between boredom and curiosity.
It was a strange new city, after all. There were plenty of things that caught his eyes, peculiarities that held his attention... and plenty of reasons to be disappointed, too. Some of it seemed dreadfully mundane.
They crossed a corner.
A narrow alley opened, in a bright flutter of color. When he peered into it, all he could see was a sunny hill.
Nacchan did not see it.
Well. That was definitely not normal. Naruto told Nacchan to go on, that he would find him later.
Then he stepped upon the path. The world blurred and Tokyo's cool morning gave way to a warm, bright sun.
There was an unsettling silence to that place. Butterflies of gold and silver flitted around, close to a mighty tree.
The wind carried with it the smell of oranges, of rice and hot wine.
Sitting in the tree's shade, surrounded by still butterflies was something that had taken the appearance of an old man.
Naruto felt a sudden chill.
The right side of his face was seemingly made out of something that made Naruto's head hurt when he peered into it, a living thing that could be compared to a green flame. One that whirled, twisted, turned and disappeared into infinity.
The old man's face rippled, and for an instant, Naruto thought he saw people he knew, as well as people he didn't know, in the indescribable face.
"Will you sit?" The being's dry voice called.
"No." Naruto simply said. "I don't think I will."
The thing laughed. Nothing about it could make it sound like a friendly sound. "Such terrible manners on you."
"On me…?" Naruto echoed. "You are the one intruding, I believe."
"No one made you come." The voice said, sounding entirely nonchalant. "Many never get the chance."
"I consider myself to be a lucky man." Naruto said, just as dryly as the being had been. "I think I have an idea of who you might be."
"Yes."
"Although... I can only guess why you came to me now." Naruto said.
The being's voice sounded like leaves falling. "Ah. I supposed you might know."
"Spite is my first guess, of course." Naruto said evenly. "I never thought your sort would be… envious of a human, but here we are."
There was a pause.
"Envious…?" The sound was like purring. "Why?"
"Why?" Naruto asked back. "You tell me. Or don't. I don't care."
He turned to leave.
"Speaking of why." The thing said. "Are you truly sure you do not understand why I called you here?"
Naruto shrugged. The smell of this place was making him sick.
"As a warning, I suppose. I never cared for this sort of game." He said slowly. "Or perhaps it was supposed to make me fear."
"Fear…?" It asked. "You would think a man like you would be rid of such a thing, by now."
"I'm not quite that foolish." Naruto said dryly.
"Yes. That is right." It smiled. "And you would do well to remember it. Still, you must admit you've been getting quite bold, in your latest… incarnation."
Naruto didn't bother answering it.
"Other worlds…? It was only a matter of time before someone took offense." It continued. "Perhaps you should have stayed busy your usual way… sating your base desires, ruling and murdering other humans."
"I suppose I really should have." Naruto smiled thinly.
The thing tapped the ground next to itself. Without even turning, Naruto could almost smell the strange, sweet smell of the dead insects surrounding it... rising.
"It is not too late, and I'm sure your... Yoisen would heed the warning. Why don't you come and sit down…? Naruto." It asked warmly. "We have so much to talk about."
Naruto scoffed.
"Another time, perhaps. This reminds me too much of the exact sort of meddling I have no fondness for."
It made a sound like a sigh as Naruto walked away.
"Shimura Ryo." Nacchan called.
"…That's what the nameplate on the house said, yes."
"The nameplate was his father's."
Shimura Ryo's day had started normally enough.
And then there were strangers inside his home.
"That's you, right?" The gigantic one said. He looked just like Uzumaki Naruto's cousin, if that guy had suddenly joined the Greek pantheon — and wasn't this Uzumaki Naruto himself behind him, too…?
Ryo tried his best to look furious.
"What the fuck are you doing in—"
Greek-Naruto looked at the regular Naruto. "You told me he was injured. This will heal on its own."
"…Have you looked at his face?" The Naruto Ryo knew asked tiredly. "Do you think he normally looks this bruised? He's ugly enough."
Ryo felt anger well up inside him. "Now, wait until my father—"
Greek-Naruto sighed.
There was something that Ryo could only call a hallucination.
Lightning grew into the man's palm and Ryo screamed.
"Oh, come on." The man muttered. "It's just a healing bolt."
Lightning struck Ryo's face with a terrible sound and he howled—
He blinked. There was no pain. Actually, there was no leftover pain from his bruises either. Ryo patted his face and he noticed the swelling had gone away. Which made him even more worried.
"What."
"It's done." The man said. "Let's go, Nacchan."
'Nacchan' scowled. "What about his memories—"
"Ino will do it. I could try my hand at it, with my Flash Eraser, but that comes with the risk of wiping other things he might need." Naruto shrugged. "No one will believe him anyway."
Nacchan thought about it and shrugged. "Whatever. Fuck you, Ryo." He could be petty.
Ryo shouted after them.
"Hey, wait—"
They were gone.
Toru read the paper, Sharingan memorizing the address.
He went there with Karin. They passed book shops and music stores, plenty of restaurants named after their head chefs too. It was at about that time that he figured that Karin was doing her best to lose him in the crowd.
Well, she winked at him, which confirmed it, really. People vied for space on the packed streets.
"Stop this shit, Karin." He grumbled. "We're close."
Toru counted fifty four buildings on the street in question. The Utatane family lived in a large apartment building.
"You think they have alarm seals?" Toru asked.
"I can't feel them, but if they don't use chakra anyway…" Karin muttered. She looked around. "There might be cameras, though, so just act normal."
"How should I know what passes for normal here?"
"Ah, true."
In any case, Karin slipped a thin chain under the door, pretending to lean against the wall.
"Huh. They don't have regular locks." She said. "I'll destroy it, then."
"Or we can wait for someone to come in… or out."
"That, too."
They did that, his Sharingan whirled and they got in.
They climbed one floor, two floors, five floors, not trusting civilian-made lifts they couldn't explain.
That was the apartment. Utatane Hajime.
Karin applied a few seals upon the equally strange doors. Both she and Toru moved away and she waved her hand. Space-time warped and the door became small enough to let them in. Then it returned to normal.
"…I thought these guys were like… politicians' sons or something." Toru frowned. "Where is their guard?"
A frightened voice answered them. The teenager looked somewhat like Elder Utatane, which made Toru think this might be the right place after all.
"Who are you — What do you want?!"
"Nothing you won't be willing to give." Toru said softly.
Karin gave him a weirded out look. "…Really?"
"…What?" Toru frowned. "I always wanted to say it."
"Mmmh." She said dubiously.
Karin silenced the teenager as she healed him.
Hanabi went alone, and her perfect eyes allowed her to find her target easily, as well as avoid detection.
"Get in the fucking slug, Seiji."
"Well, that's done." Ino nodded to herself.
In the end, they didn't wipe out people's memories of Gama and Hebi entirely, just the more… outlandish parts. The rest was more of a matter of putting things into place until the narrative more or less made sense.
As far as the students were concerned, the two transfer students had to return home to deal with a family emergency.
"Thank you, Ino." Naruto said.
She huffed, preening slightly. "It was nothing, really."
"Nothing for you." He smiled, rubbing the back of her hand.
"I am pretty good." Ino said, quite modestly. "...Say, are you alright?"
"Right as rain." Naruto said. "Had a... strange encounter, but I'll tell you about that later."
Ino gave him a concerned look. There was not much that would qualify.
"Did anyone talk to Orochimaru, then?" Yugito asked. "I didn't."
Nacchan paused.
"…What did you just say?"
"I asked if anyone talked to Orochimaru." She repeated.
"Why would you—"
Naruto cut him off. "I'll send a clone for that. We need to go, I think."
Hanabi tilted her head. "Why?"
"…Isn't today the day of the second phase of the Chūnin Exams…?" Naruto frowned.
"I'm a Jōnin." Hanabi chuckled.
"…You know what I mean. Boruto's."
Toru blinked. "Ah, yes. There's that. Let's go, then?"
Karin did the honors and opened a gate. With a sigh, Ino made the onlookers shrug it off.
"Wait!" Nacchan growled.
"…What is it?" Naruto frowned. "Someone's going to come back to speak with your father anyway. Tell him that meeting is postponed."
"You can't just leave—"
"No?" Naruto blinked.
"Please stop it, Naruto." Ino said. What had gotten him in this mood, exactly...?
"Everything's fixed anyway — ah yeah, there's Gama running around, but I'll… fix that."
Nacchan stared at them. They began going through the gate.
"Come with us, Nacchan." Toru offered. "There's the Chūnin Exams to watch, it's going to be great. Maybe."
"Wait, no. What's a Chūnin…?" Nacchan frowned. "And what do they need to be examined for—"
"Are you coming or not?" Naruto shrugged.
"…"
"We'll protect you."
Nacchan felt like the world's biggest fool. And maybe he was being a bit dramatic, but he didn't feel as though he had much left to lose.
World #626 — Warring Clans Era
"I really don't know what more you could want." Sakura said.
Sarada tried to keep her mind on the landscape as she ran down the hill. She hated rolling terrain, where scattered branches and rocks could prove to be enough to trip you if you were going fast enough.
And the wind was strong today, sending pearls of sand and dust right into her eyes. Luckily — if you were just optimistic enough — she had glasses.
Kōtana, a city she was almost certain had been destroyed since then, lay in the distance. That wasn't what they were for.
Sweat ran down her face, and she wiped her eyes with her sleeve. Her muscles groaned in protest as they strained.
In the distance, a man raised his sword.
"In Minami-sama's name!" He shouted.
The shout was echoed by what seemed to be a hundred men. They thundered forward; the Nakoze clan strode forward.
The simple fact that Sarada couldn't remember reading anything at all about such a clan — one based in the Land of Fire — told her everything she needed to know.
Sarada watched.
Ground became covered with blood as it suddenly gave birth to the roar of battle. Men became animals. Corded, cruel things of lean muscle and crueler expressions, running low to hurl themselves in the spinning tide of battle.
Fire winked in and out of life. Arrows rained out of the sky, like the lightning that was found down below.
"…Why are they fighting?" Sarada muttered.
"The Maka clan has resources that the Nakoze clan wants." Sakura shrugged. "It's always the same thing."
"…Land?" Sarada muttered. "For something like this…? It's not like they don't have it themselves—"
"I think it's about coffee beans, this time."
…
A Nakoze man hacked down a Maka.
A Maka woman released a blooming fire below her.
A great axe rose and fell, carving a path for itself. It was like cutting down a tree, if you could just make an abstraction of the crimson blood spraying.
Each of the warriors focused on the fight in front of them; a short-sighted but necessary thing. Sarada could almost feel the general sense of confusion, of chaos, of time slowing down to a crawl.
Flashes of light, bursts of speed, heads falling. Fire, death. Smoke.
Bodies littered the ground.
"Want me to stop it?" Sakura asked.
Sarada gave her a long look. "…Are we in an illusion?"
"No." Sakura laughed. "But I could force them."
Sarada thought about it.
"There's a catch, isn't there…?"
"Not really." Sakura shrugged. "It's more like… I could stop it, but… then what? Once I leave, the illusion will stop. The only way to prevent it would be trapping everyone inside a World Tree, but… Yeah."
Sarada said nothing.
"It's still going to keep on happening… someplace, somewhere else." Sakura said. "I guess after some time, you get… used to it? I don't know."
"…Is there nothing to do…?"
"About other worlds…? And then what…? There are… too many of them." Sakura shook her head. "I don't think we can spend our lives worrying about all the possible realities out there. We'd never be able to cover that much ground."
Sarada stared as the fighting died down.
"But…" Sakura said slowly. "I guess that's why we tend to do something about what's happening in front of us."
"…Did you stop them?"
"…No." Sakura said innocently.
"Then what?"
"I think a bigger fish is swimming down the hill."
To Sarada, it sounded true enough. The sky seemed to crackle and burn. Both warring clans seemed frightened. Some men slowly tried to back away, faces and beards bloody. The men in line behind them prevented it from happening.
There was a new faction.
And a voice boomed.
"Raise the Slug Banner!"
And so it was raised. The item in question rose high up in the air. A purple flag, bearing a slug in the middle.
"Ah." Sakura smiled easily. "Found her."
There were weaves of Fire, weaves of Lightning around Tsunade, as she came down the hill, followed by men and women who were not necessarily shinobi.
"Men and women of the Maka and Nakoze!" The woman roared. "Lay down your weapons!"
There was a mutter through the crowds. Something that was clear even through the screams and the moans of the wounded, as well as the scared. Something about the Scourge of the Plains.
Sarada gave Sakura a dubious look. "…What happened while we were gone, exactly…?"
"I guess she took power, or something." Sakura shrugged. "It happens, sometimes. A new bad guy shows up and upends the entire power balance."
Sarada shook her head. "Auntie would never become a bad guy."
In the distance, Tsunade drew herself up. She looked fierce, and fearsome, too. Maybe it was the purple eyes, Sarada thought.
"Join forces with us." Tsunade called out to the twin clans.
Defiance grew in the ranks. "Or what?" A man spat.
"Or I'll make you join us." Tsunade said softly. "For peace."
Sakura gave Sarada a wary shrug.
Later on, they would learn of the stories, the tales that had spread throughout the Elemental Nations. But like with any tale, it was unreliable. Some spoke of a woman with golden hair and eyes the color of honey, some mentioned a devil with violet eyes. Some said she was part Senju, part Uchiha and had decided to broker peace on her own. Some said she was a woman with no past who could read the future, who had nothing to lose. Perhaps she had massacred plenty of other clans, once they refused to join… or perhaps there simply was no way to tell anyone apart, under the Slug Banner.
In any case, both clans joined the Great Slug.
…
Tsunade cursed at Sakura when she saw her.
It was pretty impressive, admittedly. She let out a string of angry cursing that made Sarada dutifully plug her ears. Tsunade shouted and snarled and she spat, too. Then she moved to a different language, something that Sakura imagined the woman might have learned from her grandmother, once upon a time — back when dinosaurs supposedly still roamed the earth.
The sound of it made the hair on Sakura's arm stand up in delighted pleasure. Tsunade said things that made her shake her head in amazement. She said things that would make someone more… well-adjusted sick.
She said things Sakura didn't even know one could say.
It was beautiful.
Sakura waited eagerly for her to go on, but Tsunade seemed to be out of breath. The woman drew an angry one in.
Sakura thought about the best way to ignite this fire in the woman again. She thought, long and hard.
Two words. The most important words she could say, right now.
"Calm down." Sakura said, hoping the delighted glint in her eyes was not that obvious.
Tsunade saw red.
The verbal assault redoubled.
…
Time flowed differently here, because no one had bothered to sync the timelines.
Maybe that was why Tsunade was angry. She seemed to have spent at least a few weeks here.
Sakura didn't really see the problem, because compared to spending time in Hell, — which she really couldn't remember that much about, by now — the Warring Clan Days were not that bad, if you were strong.
Plus it gave Tsunade a good reason to master her newfound Rinnegan.
Not that she had any reason to, because Sakura could see that the Fruit had been enough. Tsunade wore no mask. She was pretty hot, admittedly. And it was a good thing that Karin was not here, either, maybe.
Tsunade was fun in small doses, but Sakura didn't necessarily want to live with her. She already had one blond woman more or less trying to kill her at home, in any case. Too much of a good thing would be… too much of a good thing.
In any case, Tsunade slapped their food on the table.
Sakura ate her small portion of rice, and some squid too. It was pretty bland, but compared to eating snakes, like the last few days, there was no real problem here.
And compared to that time she had caught and foolishly eaten a pufferfish… More than fine.
As always, Sarada ate slowly. She sat with her back straight and took small bites, as though she were not particularly hungry.
Sakura reminded her to eat some more.
"Oh, by the way." She said. "We're going back tomorrow."
Sarada nodded. "…Maybe it's a good idea."
"You coming with us, Sluggy?" Sakura asked.
Tsunade glared at her. She could be kind of unfair, Sakura thought. Here she had everything she wanted, eternal youth and power and all that… and she was still grumpy.
If it at least had been about accepting Sarada's dangerous request, perhaps Sakura could have understood.
World #01 — Umigakure
"So, tell me. Mai." Kaitaro began.
"Is it about Katō-san? She—"
"No. I know she didn't accept our offer yet, anyway."
Mai looked up, then. Lounging on a comfy couch on the other side of the room, Anko grinned like a pleased cat. She gave Kaitaro a wink, too. He grunted something rude back.
"What is the matter, then?" Mai asked.
"I'm… supposed to be in charge of the islands' administration, right?" He stated, more than he asked.
"Of course, Kaitaro." She nodded.
"And that means I am supposed to be aware of what… happens around here, right…?" He asked, sounding irritated.
"Of course." Mai nodded, ever the consummate professional.
"Then…" He stood up and Anko guffawed. "Why is this happening?"
Kaitaro pointed at the distance, where a thin, white tower had been erected. It loomed over even Orochimaru's spire, a magnificent structure, whose sheer size and grandeur could have left him in awe, on another day.
It rose high into the sky, and gleamed in the sunlight, its smooth white surface almost blinding. He couldn't tell what sort of material it had been made out of, either.
Kaitaro couldn't see it from here, and the building was not done yet in any case, but intricate details would be etched into the surface of it soon enough - patterns, delicate flowers and leaves, flames and exquisite carvings of animals, all worked into the material that was neither ivory nor marble.
"Because someone is building it, I presume." Mai stated.
"Who?" He asked.
"Well, the woman named Uzumaki Yoisen." Mai nodded. "Your maker—… I'm sorry. Naruto submitted the paperwork for her citizenship earlier this morning."
"…Without going through me?" Kaitaro asked tightly.
Mai shrugged helplessly. "He gave it to me directly and it was in order."
"Oh yeah?" Kaitaro asked snidely. "Did he stamp it and call it a day?"
Mai held a paper out to him. "Not exactly."
It read: "Yoisen's living here, now. Give this to the people in charge of admissions. N."
Anko cackled.
…
That was the scene Shizune stumbled upon.
Literally.
A raging emperor — or so she thought —, whose mood swings might have not been mere rumor, then.
A stoic woman wearing glasses, who seemed as unaffected as she seemed familiar with this brand of insanity.
A woman she was pretty sure was Anko, back from the ninja equivalent to kindergarten — more or less the same, but with a healthy focus on debilitating strikes to vital organs. Ah. It was Anko, because she waved to her.
Shizune waved back, hesitantly.
The man sighed and calmed down.
"I…" Shizune hesitated. "I don't know how I arrived here — I just signed the paperwork and…"
The man nodded. "Yes, I made it for this express purpose. It's secure, and there are plenty of conditions for the warping to occur in the first place." He scratched the back of his head. "I probably should have warned you — Also, sorry for… the mess."
"Ah…" Shizune stumbled upon her words. Perhaps Konoha would have been a safer choice, in the end. "It's… It's nothing."
"Welcome to Umi, Shizune."
World #07 — The Island of Solitude
The legendary Seventh Hokage sat high up in the watching arena, where several screens would display the ongoing action.
Men and women's postures dropped under his powerful presence. There was an unreal awe in the air.
"He's so strong." Someone said.
"I can feel his chakra from here, and he's restraining it." Someone else said.
"Is he truly the Sage reborn…?"
Matsuyama Ai, kiri jōnin, knew he wasn't the Sage. She was a sharp sensor, and she could tell that the Hokage still stood firmly in the realm of Man.
But she could also understand why people might believe he was some sort of god.
The Seventh Hokage just sat there, his chiseled face focused on the screen. His blue and purple eyes roamed across it, undoubtedly seeing far beyond something as simple as technology was.
Next to him, the Shadow's Shadow, Uchiha Sasuke stood imperiously. His lustrous black hair covered an eye that was undoubtedly just as powerful as the Hokage's own. His chakra was strong, too. A bit soulless, though.
And then there was the Hokage's wife, Uzumaki Hinata. As beautiful as she was gentle, according to rumor. Her chakra was a slight thing, when compared to the behemoths she was sitting right next to, but perhaps it made her all the more deadly for it.
To most people, the gap between themselves and such mythical figures was something they believed couldn't be bridged.
They seemed so far away, and none of the people down below could hear what they were speaking about.
But Matsuyama Ai was a ninja.
She knew that these matters were likely of so secret a nature that it might be better for them all not to know, in the end.
…
"I think we saw this video before, Hinata." Kage frowned at the screen. "Should I go talk to the person in charge?"
"It's a waiting loop." She said gently.
"Oh." Kage nodded. "When does it end?"
"When the exams start."
Sasuke made a huffing sound.
"As though you knew it." Kage muttered.
"Of course I did."
"I saw you staring, too."
"Scanning for… threats." Sasuke said. "Hokage—sama."
"Don't make it sound so patronizing or I'm sending you back to the desert." Kage growled.
"I'm sure Sasuke meant nothing by it." Hinata tried.
"…Why is he hiding a smirk, then?"
"It's called a smile, dumbass." Sasuke shot back.
"Not on an Uchiha." Kage muttered.
"…What did you just say?"
"I said you don't even know how to smile." Kage accused.
"This is ridiculous." Sasuke shook his head. "I'm a very smiley person."
Hinata fanned her face demurely and stayed away from the discussion.
"Oh yeah?" Kage asked testily. "When's the last time you smiled, then?"
"When I trained your son." Sasuke said easily.
'Boruto's eyes did hold some sort of… Uchiha deviousness.' Kurama said. 'Perhaps we should rethink this… leaving him in that man's care, Naruto.'
'I'm sure you're imagining things, Kurama.' Naruto shook his head. 'Besides, Boruto's my son. Sasuke's too boring to keep his attention.'
'…If you say so.' Kurama sounded dubious.
'Besides, he's got two other sensei.'
'Ah, yes...' Kurama drawled. 'Another Uchiha and… a man who might as well be half of their worst men put together.'
'Come on.' Kage grinned. 'They're alright.'
'You just say this because they took care of Father's accursed clan.'
'Not only, but it does help.' Kage shrugged.
'Tch.' Kurama rolled his eyes. 'Don't blame me if your son ever decides to trap you out of time and destroy the village.'
'I'm sure Boruto wouldn't do that.' Kage shrugged.
In any case, Kage tried to focus on remembering what they had last discussed with Chōjurō.
…
Kage was nudged awake by his wife.
"You fell asleep." She said.
Blearily, Kage struggled upright in his seat, and he decided to wipe his mouth.
"Impressive." Sasuke chose to comment.
"…It's a Kage-level recovery technique." Kage muttered. "Perhaps you'll find out about it, someday. It might help your small chakra levels."
"Once I become Hokage, you mean?" Sasuke gave him a flat smile.
Kage chortled. "I'm half-Uzumaki. I'm going to be in great shape for like half a century still, but sure."
Sasuke made a derisive sound.
"Your daughter wants to become Hokage, Sasuke." Hinata said. "Perhaps you should keep it in mind, as well."
Sasuke rolled his eyes. "No, she doesn't."
"…She just said it last time, too." Kage frowned.
"It's just something she says." Sasuke stated. "A phase. She will grow out of it, like I did."
"Did you not try to create a poll in order to select who Konoha's citizens truly wanted to see at the helm, back then…?" Hinata asked.
Sasuke just nodded firmly. "To help Naruto."
"Sure, sure… To me, it sounds more like you knew there was no way you'd get chosen the normal, nepotist way." Kage grinned. "Not that a popularity contest was necessarily your best idea."
Sasuke shrugged. "Kakashi is blind in one eye. It may impair his judgment."
"He has two eyes." Hinata reminded him. "Thanks to Naruto." She said proudly. Kage preened.
"…I'm not around that often." Sasuke admitted.
…
"Are the other Kage supposed to come?" Sasuke asked.
"Why, do you miss Gaara already?" Kage chuckled.
"The man who prevented me from killing the Raikage — the guilty one…?" Sasuke shook his head. "Hardly."
"They're not coming." Hinata said. "Not before the third phase."
"But, I thought…" Sasuke frowned.
"We both know you don't." Kage snickered.
"Me…?" Sasuke gave him a look so unimpressed that even Hinata couldn't help but chuckle.
…
Reality broke apart and people screamed.
…
Matsuyama Ai's heart stopped beating.
She sat there, unable to look away from the pale sword that ripped a hole in the fabric that held the world together. It was a pale, elegant weapon, as far as swords went. Something that looked as though it was made from a material that could well have been ivory, metal or glass… but wasn't.
The sword slid down slowly, with a sound that she had never hoped to hear, a sound that she hoped she would never hear again. That was the sound of reality shifting.
White lightning flashed. Ai knew that she was likely in deep shock, which would explain why she was freezing. She sat and looked aimlessly.
Then a hand followed the sword.
A man walked out of nothing, as though he had just created himself from stardust. He was standing meters away from her, but she could see him as though they were standing face to face. His face was broad and sharp, and there was something ethereal about his features.
His hair was long, thick and golden and fell down his back. Three identical dark marks on his cheeks framed his eyes. They were purple and gleaming.
Matsuyama Ai had been impressed when she saw the Hokage.
Now she stood there, mute. Frozen.
"…I told you pretending to use this ceremonial sword to open portals was a dumb idea, Toru." Naruto muttered to no one.
Yugito, their son, and Matatabi were already gone.
"I disagree." It wasn't Toru, but Hanabi. Both of them emerged from behind him.
"And you as well, Hanabi…?" Naruto whispered, in false outrage.
"I think you did something to that Kiri woman." Toru said.
"That was probably just too much bad boy appeal." Hanabi stated.
"…You can call it trauma, too." Naruto frowned. "So what, you're trying to wingman me now, Toru?"
Ino slipped out of the portal. Her eyes slowly found Toru's.
"…No." Toru said. "Far from it. I just want us to look cool."
"And that required me to craft an intricate entry…?" Naruto asked.
"You are the Emperor, husband." Hanabi stated. "Act like it."
"All hail Naruto." Karin said, behind him.
"I swear to god, if you fuckers start again—" He muttered.
"All hail Naruto." They chorused.
Naruto growled.
…
"Ah, I think they're here." Kage said, with a slight smile.
"Oh, what made you realize…?" Sasuke asked snidely.
"The chanting, mostly." Kage shrugged. "It's hard to miss."
Sasuke made a derisive sound.
"If you're so happy, why don't you go and play with your best friend?" He scoffed.
Kage frowned. "What does Shikamaru have to do with this?"
You could pinpoint the moment Sasuke's heart shattered in a thousand pieces.
Or Hinata could, at least.
…
"Other-me." Naruto greeted.
"Other-me." Kage said back.
They went for their secret handshake. So did Kage and Toru, after that — their own, that was.
Sasuke scowled through it.
Hinata greeted them in a way that she knew would generally be considered appropriate for people her husband vaguely introduced to the other people in the arena as "dignitaries from another world, don't worry."
Except…
"Is this another you…?" Hinata asked her husband. "He looks very young. And…"
"Has no chakra." Sasuke confirmed. "A civilian, then."
Kage shook his head. "That is unlikely. He must have suppressed it entirely."
"…As well as an entire Bijū, I'm sure." Sasuke said dryly.
Kage just nodded, very seriously. He went to greet him with an enthusiastic handshake that almost lifted the teenager from the ground.
"Hello." He grinned. "You must be Naruto. I'm Naruto—"
"That's Kage." Naruto decided. "And we call this one Nacchan. Makes it easier not to mix people up." He glanced at Sasuke. "We'd do the same with… your Danzō, but both Sasuke are kinda standoffish."
"Ours isn't." Hanabi shook her head.
"He still doesn't want to come with us."
"…Why should I not just call you Indruto in return?" Kage frowned. "It makes no sense that you'd be the only one—"
Naruto sighed.
"Because that would force us to create the Namer, an artifact of terrible power, whose sole purpose is to make sure that everyone else is forced to speak my true name."
"I made plans for it." Karin nodded.
Kage scowled. "I think you're bluffing."
Naruto shrugged. "Go ahead, then. Try to call me another name, just to see if we didn't do that already."
They stared at each other in silence.
Nacchan was slowly getting worried.
Chakra built up in the room.
Someone was starting to pray, down below.
A grin broke through Kage's stony expression.
"Man, you're such a bastard!" He laughed. "Incredible. If you taught Boruto the same sort of thing, there's no way he's going to lose!"
Sasuke growled.
"Yeah, right." Naruto laughed. "You were just afraid of embarrassing yourself in front of your wife."
…
"I killed an Ōtsutsuki." Sasuke said without warning, without preamble. "Yesterday. Or maybe two days ago."
Naruto thought he could guess why he suddenly felt the need to do so. Also, there was grim satisfaction on his face. Something that felt like a challenge, too.
"Really?" Karin asked.
"Yes." Sasuke said, and a small smirk grew on his face.
"That's great, man." Toru flashed him a thumbs up.
Nacchan hesitated.
"What's… an Ōtsutsuki?" He asked.
"They're the aliens that Sasuke left the village for years on end to find." Kage explained. "Turns out he can find them quickly, with the right motivation." He said, not giving Sasuke the pointed glance he really wanted to give him.
"Ah…I see…?" Nacchan tried.
"They're pretty genocidal—" Naruto began.
Toru coughed.
"Genocidal—"
Toru coughed again, but louder. Karin was starting to chuckle, too.
"Oh, fuck off." Naruto grunted. "They want to plant trees throughout the world and we kinda don't like the idea. There, better?"
Toru nodded. "Much. Ever since Sasuke found his Mokuton, you've been on a tree-hating spree. Maybe it started before, even. Remember the pruning stuff?"
"I really don't."
Sasuke's hand went to a scroll he kept on his person.
"Sasuke." Hinata said, gently but firmly. "Is this going to be the Ōtsutsuki's head?"
Sasuke's hand stilled.
"…No." He decided and put the scroll back.
"So which one was it?" Kage asked.
Sasuke huffed. "You wouldn't know it. A male alien named Urashiki."
"Oh yeah, that guy." Naruto realized. "That's the one who could make hook-like things with his chakra, right? Eyes that changed colors, too?"
Sasuke stared. He nodded slowly.
"Sakura killed him, back home, along with a few others, I think."
Sasuke pursed his lips.
"Still, I'm surprised that he was even here at all." Ino mused.
"Yeah." Karin nodded. "Didn't you and Sakura move their homeworld away from here, too?"
"Oh, yeah. Last time." Naruto smiled. "We did, after breakfast. The eggs were pretty good, Sasuke, by the way."
Hanabi shook her head. "Sakura was right. They were a bit runny, really."
Sasuke's nostrils flared.
Boruto was practically dancing with impatience.
Mitsuki stared at him, tilting his head in this off-putting manner of his, that made it hard to tell whether he was considering eating him or just confused by his behavior.
Boruto knew him somewhat well by now, so he thought he could tell with decent accuracy what the answer to that was.
"You're going to wear yourself out if you continue moving so much." Mitsuki said.
"Where is she?" Boruto grunted. "And how can she be late if she's around someone who can teleport?"
"Warp."
"What?"
"Nothing." Mitsuki said.
Boruto knelt and opened his ninja pouch — they were called this so that people didn't confuse them with men pouches, which had mostly gone out of style in the last five years or so, in spite of what Boruto's dad would say.
'…Maybe don't do this where the enemy can see us, Boruto.' Mitsuki thought.
Boruto gave a quick glance to the tunnel they were currently standing in. It was a bit claustrophobic, really.
Some of the other candidates were giving harsh looks around, but no one was truly paying attention to him in particular. Or at least, it seemed that way.
"Hello." A teenager grinned at Boruto.
She was cute, he noticed. Short-cropped, red hair and eyes the color of honey. When she smiled, her teeth were white against her travel-tanned face.
For some reason, he thought of Uncle Toru first.
Boruto met her eyes and the world grew a bit brighter. Boruto found himself smiling and thought back on Uncle's teachings.
He opened his mouth—
Mitsuki slapped the back of his head.
"Ouch!"
"She's from the Abahina clan." Mitsuki explained, when he glared at him. "They secrete powerful pheromones through their bloodline. That's why you were undoubtedly thinking with your baser instincts, just now."
"…What?!"
Boruto whirled around. The girl was fading back into the crowd, and the only thing left of her was a tinkling laugh.
"Thanks." Boruto winced. Hopefully the cameras weren't on yet, or he'd be embarrassed already. "…Wait. Why are you not affected?"
"I have prepared against most poisons." Mitsuki explained.
Boruto stared.
"…Poisons?"
"Of many sorts. That includes plenty of pheromones. Love is another poison, my father says. Or oxytocin, really. Also, this Shinki might be bad news."
"Is it recording yet? Yeah? Screens on? Good."
The examiner paused.
"The second phase of the Chūnin Exams will now begin. Everyone ready…? No? No matter. Let's go.
"You have three days to reach the center of the labyrinth alive."
The tunnel ended and in front of them stood two massive gates.
The entrance to the labyrinth, then.
The first team signed some papers and went in.
Boruto was starting to get really irritated, now. What the hell was Sarada doing?
"Off you go." A woman's voice said cheerily. "Good luck."
And then there was a flutter of cherry blossoms.
Sarada came out of the storm.
"Typical." Kage shook his head, grumbling. "Just like her dad, expecting the entire world to bend to her whims."
"It was thanks to Kakashi." Sasuke muttered.
"Sure is easy to blame the guy who's not here."
"I wasn't blaming him."
It had made Sasuke look pretty cool, so he could give credit to the man for that.
…
Sakura appeared in the watching arena the next moment.
"Hey again." She greeted. "Pretty cool, huh? I wanted to make it an explosion of blood, but Sarada advised me against it."
"She sure is squeamish, huh." Ino deadpanned.
"You took the words right out of my mouth."
"Didn't you say something about a cute blond with a fiery temper?" Karin asked, looking around. "You meant Tsunade, right? Where is she?"
Sakura paused.
"No. I meant Ino."
"Aww." Ino laughed, pulling Sakura into a sudden, wordless embrace.
Sakura bitched, but she didn't fade through it, which was telling enough.
"For real?" Boruto grunted.
"…What?" Sarada muttered back.
"We almost failed, just right now." Boruto shook his head.
"Actually, there was no rule about coming in as a three-person team." Mitsuki said.
Boruto glared at him. "Maybe it was implicit?"
"Or maybe it just wasn't real."
Boruto grunted, but had no real answer to this.
"…What are you wearing?" He asked, eying Sarada's newfound armor. "Did you come across some samurai or…?"
Sarada shook her head. "No. My old clothes were ruined. I picked this up and Sakura taught me how to take care of it, reinforce it… all that."
"How did you ruin them, exactly?" Boruto asked.
"Did you run into trouble?" Mitsuki asked.
Sarada thought about it.
She closed her eyes.
"…No." Sarada muttered. "Maybe I just felt like changing them."
"But—" Boruto began.
Her eyes bled into red unwillingly.
"Whoa, chill out." Boruto rubbed the back of his neck. If his Uncle actually turned out to be right about Uchiha…
Sarada sighed and her eyes were dark again.
"No matter." She muttered. "It doesn't matter. Let's get ready."
"We are. It's starting, actually."
"Ah. Also, Sakura gave this to me." Sarada said, holding out a letter to Mitsuki.
"For me?"
"No, actually." Sarada shook her head. "For your… dad, apparently."
"…What does she want with Orochimaru…?" Boruto muttered.
Mitsuki simply nodded and gave the letter to one of his trusty messenger snakes. Boruto was reminded of how envious he was of their summons, once more.
…
Sarada stared at the massive doors to the labyrinth.
They seemed to be made out of granite, huge stone slabs that revealed nothing. Their only peculiarity lay in the seals inscribed upon them. One that would let them in, group after group.
"Think you can push them?" Boruto grinned. He tended to be a bit excitable, really.
In spite of herself, Sarada found herself smiling, too. "I'm sure."
"I doubt it." Mitsuki said flatly. "It is a mix of sandstone and granite that has been crushed and heated by Iwa's foremost experts. It is much heavier than it looks and even your strength—"
"Oh, come on." Boruto groaned. "I was joking. Joking."
"Oh." Mitsuki nodded. "I see. I'm quite familiar with the concept, actually."