Chapter 8: As Good As You

There had been much chatter on her Instagram feed in the days leading up to it. It was practically considered a holiday, in some circles. She followed many Friends fan sites, mostly for her own amusement, plus it was always an easy fix of nostalgia. Courteney cringed at the phraseology of her thought, deciding that, in light of recent events, she would have to come up with a better phrase for describing how she achieved her own levels of dopamine.

May 6th dawned in Southern California sunny and radiant. Courteney went about her day as though it was an ordinary one: she worked, chatted with Johnny as he was working on new music arrangements from home for once. She texted Coco, though sporadically; her daughter was gearing up for her college final exams and she didn't want to bother her.

Throughout much of the day, Courteney resisted acknowledging the significance of this date in her life and in her heart in any way. Periodically, she would open Instagram and wheel through the profiles of each of her Friends. Even now, she always had to stop herself from going onto Matty's page. While he had been a very rare presence on Instagram, nonetheless it was still too painful to go back through his posts. Courteney didn't know how Jenny could stand it, reading through her and Matty's old texts, but if it brought her solace….

Nothing. None of the other four had said a word about what this day meant in their lives. Perhaps they weren't even aware. That was all right – they all had busy lives. It was the end of yet another television season. Show renewals had been announced; the cancellations were known. There was always new scripts to peruse, new role offers to consider.

As it was getting on evening, with still not an acknowledgment from her Friends, Courteney decided that if someone were going to defer to the significance of this day, it would be her. Another thought she hadn't considered: perhaps the others were well aware of what this date meant in their shared history, but were loathe to acknowledge it, because of….

Or maybe they were just in shock. 20 years. Who could have thought it? 20 years…. It just made the one searing absence all the more cutting. If only he had lived for another six months, at least. Hell, another year – the 30th anniversary of Friends' premiere would be this coming fall! That was an even scarier thought: to realize that she had spent half her life associated with the role of Monica Geller.

Courteney pulled up a video file on her laptop. She had plenty of clips of Friends lying around, sometimes for just such occasions as this, or sometimes simply just because – she had posted a really funny clip of her and the girls for Jennifer's birthday three months ago.

Unlike that clip, however, posting this one was going to be as hard as the tribute she had posted back in November, for the scene would involve watching him.

She uploaded the clip to Instagram, but before she watched it, she typed out what she was going to say. This time, she found the words coming to her easily:

"It's been 20 years since the series finale of Friends. I don't know how we were able to act through all the tears. Forever grateful." She added a heart emoji at the end and clicked POST.

Matthew had described the moment in his book far better than she ever could. And in any case, May 6th might have been the airdate, but the actually closing of that chapter, that era, had been several months earlier – in no small part due to her. Through a thin film of tears, Courteney sat silent, remembering….

FLASHBACK: January 23rd, 2004

"We've got some time…." Monica choked up. The group of six headed for the door to the apartment.

"Wanna… wanna get some coffee?" Rachel sniffled.

"Sure," Chandler quipped, mouth in a thin line. Then: "…. Where?"

They all moved out into the hallway, sensing the second-unit camera at their backs. They were nearly at the stairwell that actually led to nowhere when Kevin Bright called out, "And CUT! THAT'S A WRAP, ladies and gentlemen!"

They lost it. From out in the studio audience, they could hear the whooping and cheering and wild applause, but didn't let themselves be drawn to the sound right away. Instead, all six of them fell into each other's arms.

David was full on blubbering. Lisa was crying so hard, she couldn't get enough air for even the next sob. Jenny seemed in serious danger of her body eventually crinkling like a raisin in the sun once all the water had left it.

Turning away from the stroller, Courteney felt a fleshy freight train barrel into her and then Matt LeBlanc was kissing the side of her face fiercely, his lips landing awkwardly on her ear. She embraced him like a brother.

Glancing over his shoulder, she noticed her onscreen husband had moved apart from the group and was standing a slight distance away, his current girlfriend having invaded the set from the studio audience and come up to talk to him quietly. Matthew wasn't hugging her, or any of them for that matter. When he happened to glance back and met the eyes of his television wife, Courteney was struck to note how he wasn't crying at all. In fact, he had been the only one of them, it seemed, who had managed not to, during the taping.

(It would be decades before Courteney would fully understand why: as Matty would tell it in his book, he had felt… nothing, the moment the greatest sitcom in all of history had ended. The thought that he would have shown nothing, no emotion, at such a seminal moment had bothered her, when she had read those words a year and a half ago).

The studio audience was still roaring outside, and the directors were now stepping out into the hallway set, beckoning to them. Wiping away tears, David Schwimmer led the way, as they all marched in a line back into the apartment. Hand in hand, the group of Friends lifted their arms up and bowed as one, through smiles and tears. Holding Matthew's hand from where he stood at her immediate right, Courteney was relieved: at least he was smiling. Beaming, and she thought she detected something bittersweet to the upturn of his dimples.

For hours after the studio audience had been dismissed, the main cast and the producers stood in the hallway set, chatting. Matthew's girlfriend (Courteney didn't care to remember her name, though she thought it might be Rachel – ironic) stood with the group, though had the social awareness to hang back.

Jennifer was clinging onto her best girl friend. She was still sniffling, and Courteney had to marvel at how so much emotion could manifest itself in one tiny body. Thinking to Matthew again, she supposed the inverse was also true: how could such little emotion be present at such an emotionally heavy moment.

A possible answer struck her like a bolt of lightning and she resisted the urge to tremble with fear…. Oh no….. please tell me he isn't high again. He'd been clean for all of these last two seasons – a record, for him!

Her own husband had yet to appear and congratulate her, though perhaps David had gone home to wait up for her. Give her this time alone with her loved ones.

Courteney felt a fluttering in her belly, and she rubbed her palms over her abdomen with a soft smile: the baby was kicking.

Jen sniffled loudly into her ear. "Promise me…." she whispered. "We stay in each other's lives, OK?"

As if she even had to ask! Courteney swallowed hard and nodded. "I promise. We've come too far to turn back now! Besides…. Heaven forbid if anything should happen to David and me…. there is no one else I would trust more with my child."

Jennifer sent her a look of wonderment in that moment, as if it was just dawning on her what a godmother's duties were and could be, in the most extreme of circumstances. She beamed, honored. "Sisters…." She murmured "Forever."

"Forever," Courteney vowed. They buzzed cheeks.

Matthew finally approached her. He was looking around at the sight of people hugging, people weeping. The girlfriend hung back, which Courteney appreciated.

"Don't you need to go, you know, lie down or something?" he quibbled.

Courteney smiled at him with bright amusement. "Matty, I'm only four months along. Bed rest will only come along by the time this episode airs…"

His face seemed to ease in relief at this. He seemed undecided on what to say. "I'm not one for…" he stopped. Tried again. Softly, he took her hands in his. "I'm so glad to have known you. I'm so honored to have been married to you." His grin at this was blinding, as if he considered himself the luckiest son of a bitch in anyone's life. Then came the punchline. "… even if it was just on TV."

Courteney beamed back, the tears threatening again. "You've been an amazing husband."

Matthew chuckled. "Don't let Arquette hear you say that…."

"I won't," she chirped. "Or maybe I will. Then he'll actually work to get what I need for my cravings…."

Matthew leaned back slightly, his eyes performing that iconic bugging out which Chandler was known for. "Do I want to know what those are?..."

She smirked indulgently, lightly whacking him.

"Matty?" the girlfriend called, and Courteney's nerves grated at the sound. "It's time to go."

Courteney stared up into her onscreen spouse's face, stricken. So soon?

Matthew smiled down at her gently. "We'll see each other again soon…. It's not like we're talking about, you know…" He allowed himself a smirk and a chuckle, looking askance. "Forever…."

"Of…. of course…." And she smiled at him weakly. She clasped his palm in her fists, bringing it close to her heart.

"Bye, Court…."

She beamed wetly. "Bye…."

It was agreed upon with no words. The now-former television couple leaned in and shared a loving goodbye kiss – right on the lips, and in full view of Matthew's girlfriend. If the girlfriend appeared peeved, she didn't show it.

Matthew and Courteney drew apart softly. Courteney sent the girlfriend an apologetic grin. "Sorry – force of habit!" Though she really wasn't sorry at all.

Matty chuckled. "Man, I'm gonna miss getting to do that whenever I want!" Courteney laughed wetly. He now knelt at her feet, and for one mad second, Courteney thought he was going to…. propose or something, insane as the thought was….

"And as for you…." Matthew spoke to her stomach, and Courteney drew a hand to her mouth, tears dribbling from her cheeks as she realized, oh sweet Lord, he was talking to the baby. "You grow up to be big and strong!..." Matthew reached out a finger and tickled her belly, which Courteney allowed. She had sometimes struggled to tolerate much more than that: in the last few months, whenever any of the boys and sometimes even Jenny or Lisa had simply placed their hands on her flat, then slowly rounding belly, Courteney had needed to stifle the urge to break one of their fingers.

Matthew was still speaking to her belly, his voice taking on a tender, almost fatherly lilt. "And you listen to your mama…. There's no one finer…" He lifted his gaze up to Courteney, through his lashes, and she felt a sob escape her throat as tears slipped from her face onto his like sweet rain. This kind, adorable man….!

Matthew leaned in and pressed an earnest kiss to the swell of Courteney's womb, before rising up off his knees. Letting out a shaky laugh, the pair of co-stars embraced, kissing cheeks, before diving in for one, last minute, chaste peck on the lips.

"Be safe…." Matthew rumbled in her ear.

Courteney swallowed. "You too…." and she almost pleaded with him.

She turned and watched as Matthew took his girlfriend's hand and the pair strolled out of the cut-away opening at the back of the hallway set. Watching her pretend husband go, Courteney felt her heart swell and she made a prayer to God:

Let him be safe…. Let him be happy…. Please…

"Court?"

Courteney turned and was startled to find the hallway set was now empty; even the stroller was gone. Jennifer was poking her head out of the Apartment 20 door. "We're all going up to the roof of the studio for drinks."

"Oh, I…. I can't imbibe, honey. The baby…."

Jennifer just smirked and rolled her eyes. "Of course, I know that, hon. I'm asking you if you want to join us!"

"Just coming!"

Jennifer nodded and ducked back inside.

For a moment, Courteney stood in the hallway alone, staring about in silence. Remembering…

At last, with a sigh, she hefted her ever-more pregnant body towards the real stairwell that would lead to the studio roof.

She and the other four of her Friends would party until dawn.

END OF FLASHBACK