Callie: You can't keep going to your room Mija, we agreed to family night, you have to join in, even if your Dad is a privacy defiling-
Mark: Lock. Breaker.
Callie: That was Arizona-
Arizona: Calliope!
Callie: What? You threw me under the bus!
Sofia: Ugh, FINE. I'll play, you're lucky I love you, but no more spying or invading my privacy, I mean it.
Mark: Look at your adorable little hand on your adorable little hip.
Arizona: Pure Calliope.
Sofia: ERUGH.
Mark: Okay okay, let's get going before we get the Torres stare. 'Who is most likely to talk to you about how babies are made?'
Sofia: You all tried to have this conversation and failed miserably.
Arizona: Sofia!
Callie: We did?
Sofia: Yeah, you & Mumma and then Dad and well, Lexie. Dad walked away.
Arizona: Good one Mark.
Mark: Hey! It's a girl thing, plus Lexie would be able to talk about the terrifying stats of teenage pregnancies and… diseases.
Sofia: I'm not going to get pregnant Dad.
Mark: Damn straight, no boy is getting close to my little girl.
Arizona: Exactly, it isn't something you have to concern yourself with until you're 30.
Callie: How did I fail? I used my flashcards!
Sofia: Yeah, and when I didn't get 100% you started to grumble in Spanish. Which I understand by the way.
Mark: Busted Torres, what did she say?
Sofia: She said her flashcards are 'perfect' and,if the 'stupid interns and stupid residents' at the hospital can pass their exams & boards with them, there must be something 'fundamentally wrong' with sex education in this country.
Mark: Can you not use that word; you don't even know what it means.
Sofia: Seriously Dad? Sex?
Mark: Any more of that and you're grounded.
Callie: I never said stupid residents… and my flashcards are perfect.
Arizona: Calliope, not the point here.
Sofia: Well you cringed after you said a male body part, Mumma.
Arizona: It's all yucky.
Callie: That's your scientific description of the male anatomy, Doctor Robbins?
Mark: It is disgusting, therefore no thinking about it or looking at it. Understand?
Sofia: Thank god for Lexie. Can we move on? I know how babies are made, both in the conventional sense and artificial insemination.
Callie: Wow, Lexie really did go all Lexipedia on you.
Sofia: Yep, and how much sper-
Arizona: Ugh.
Mark: Absolutely not.
Sofia: Oh my GOD you're ALL doctors, its science, the circle of life. Sperm, eggs, orgas-
Arizona: NOPE.
Mark: I'm gonna be sick. NEXT.
Callie: We're going to revisit my flashcards. Okay, 'Who is most likely to eat your food without asking?'
Mark: Phew, better question. Blondie.
Arizona: Think that question was pretty much aimed at Sofia, Grey...ie.
Mark: Ha, I'm distinguished, and calling me grey doesn't work seeing as it's my wife's maiden name and pretty synonymous in SGMW.
Sofia: Definitely Mumma, I have to keep sweets in my room.
Callie: You think that stops her?
Arizona: Calliope…
Callie: What? I'm the one who has to replenish-
Sofia: Wait, I hide them… Seriously you two! Mumma, you'd have to snoop round to find them and then Mum has to do the same to replace it!?
Mark: Tut tut tut.
Callie: Shut it, Mark.
Arizona: I'm just concerned about your sugar intake sweetie. Diabetes is real.
Sofia: So what do you do after you've found and taken them? Throw it in the bin?
Arizona: That would be wasteful, we don't waste food in this household.
Mark: Yeah because you eat it all.
Arizona: Shut up, you're no better, popcorn boy.
Mark: Popcorn man.
Sofia: Wait, so that pack of Haribo that I hid in my bottom drawer under my socks-
Callie: It's about the sixth packet.
Arizona: Calliope!
Callie: Maybe fifth.
Arizona: That doesn't help me.
Sofia: I don't even hide them in the same place each time!
Callie: Sometimes your Mumma tells me before she takes them if that helps?
Arizona: Yeah that really helps, my love.
Callie: Remember the time it was on her bookshelf where her old English book was?
Arizona: Erugh, don't remind me.
Mark: What's this? Did I miss something?
Callie: It had 'I heart Jack' written all over it.
Mark: And who the hell is this Jack?
Sofia: Oh my GOD you guys! Seriously?!
Callie: Then Arizona went on a social media stalk.
Mark: How come you know next to nothing about computers but can locate people on social media blondie?
Callie: Oh that's not the best part.
Arizona: Babe, we're going off topic, what's the next question Mark?
Mark: Oooh no no, I want to hear this.
Sofia: Oh god, did you message him?!
Arizona: Define message.
Mark: Ha, doesn't really have more than one meaning.
Arizona: I asked what his intentions were, it's a normal question.
Sofia: Kill me now.
Callie: What did he say?
Arizona: He said-
Mark: -who the hell are you?!
Arizona: Shut it Mark! He said he liked her as a 'friend'.
Callie: She was fuming.
Arizona: I WAS! If my little girl gives her heart to someone you better damn know I expect it to be returned. She's perfect, they'd be lucky to receive her love.
Sofia: It wasn't love Mumma! It was a crush.
Callie: AND he had a mullet.
Arizona: A MULLET for god's sake, we're not in the 1980's anymore.
Sofia: He was horrible anyway, he body-shamed another girl, so after that I ditched him completely.
Mark: Atta' girl, that's my little woman empowerer over there, love you kid.
Sofia: He asked me for help on Biology homework the other day, I told him no. I said if he wants to understand Biology, he has to learn that life comes in different shapes, forms and sizes. Until knows that, he'll never get it.
Arizona: That's my girl.
Callie: You're who we raised you to be, Mija.
Arizona: Definitely.
Sofia: …I also kinda punched him.
Mark: YES.
Arizona: Why?
Sofia: He made a comment about you Mumma, it upset me.
Callie: Oh Mija-
Sofia: I protect the things I love; Granddad taught me to hit fast and hit hard.
Arizona: Our good man in a storm.
Callie: Your teacher never told us you'd hit someone?
Sofia: He wasn't going to confess he got hurt by a girl, Mum. Plus I told him my Abuelo would do far worse than a punch to the arm.
Mark: My girl using her connections, I like it.
Callie: Not sure using my Dad as a threat is the most ethical stance but… I'll allow it. And if he makes a comment about your Mumma again, come to me.
Mark: She breaks bones baby girl, it's a good shout.
Arizona: As much as I love crazy protective Calliope, we've strayed off topic. Next que… oh for god's sake. 'Who is the most likely to rant about the internet?'
Sofia: Mumma
Arizona: Why are there so many internet-based questions? I get it, I'm not great with technology. I'd like to see you all complete surgery on a foetus.
Mark: Which is why your complete lack of understanding on scams, viruses and bots is unnerving.
Callie: Remember the time you thought you were being specifically targeted with the 'busty blondes in your area' adverts?
Arizona: I felt victimised! Like, I have my busty brunette at home, and how many busty blondes are in Seattle? And how do they even know where I am?!
Callie: …and that you're a boob woman.
Arizona: Exactly! Well, a Calliope boob woma-
Sofia: CAN YOU NOT MUMMA.
Arizona: Sorry, I mean your Mum's boobs.
Sofia: That's not the part I had a problem with!
Mark: They're good boobs.
Arizona: Eyes up Mark, before I poke them out with a red-hot stick.
Sofia: NO! STOP! You're all disgusting!
Callie: Honey, its female anatomy, you have it, your Mumma & I have it.
Sofia: Yeah but who wants to talk about their parents' sex lives?! Ew ew ew!
Mark: You think this is bad? You shoulda heard them when you weren't here.
Sofia: La la la la la I can't hear you!
Mark: You're the lucky one kid. Wow could I tell you some stories. There was one time when-
Sofia: PLEASE STOP.
Mark: -Your Mum had just done a kick-ass surgery and wanted to celebrate-
Callie: Mark…
Mark: -but they left the door unlocked to the on-call room and-
Arizona: MARK.
Mark: -Shepherd & Grey walked in on them and-
Sofia: DAD!
Mark: -Let's just say they were having a good time.
Callie: Mark, you are a terrible gossip.
Mark: I'm an excellent gossip.
Sofia: God.
Mark: That's not the best part, after- OW! Did you just kick me?
Callie: …No?
Arizona: That was me.
Callie: Aw, proud of you babe.
Sofia: Can we have the next question please?!
Arizona: I agree baby girl. 'Who is most likely to help you with school?'
Sofia: You all help, you all know Biology, Physics and Chemistry, then Mum at Spanish, Mumma at Maths and Dad at Art & Wood Shop…
Mark: Co-parenting - again, we're doing it right!
Sofia: …and then Lexie with everything else.
Arizona: Well, not everything else.
Sofia: Pretty much, English, Geography, History, Politics, Social Studies, Media, Drama, Music-
Callie: Music?! I'm the frickin' muse of music, song & dance! Not Lexie.
Mark: Pretty sure that'll be the Greek Mythology Calliope, not the Miami born mega-rich Washington based one.
Callie: Whatever.
Arizona: Carlos is like Zeus to be fair, God of Thunder.
Mark: Me & Carlos are like this, we're buds.
Arizona: Ha. Wall.
Mark: Well if we're going pre-Sof then yeah I guess that incident may count as a small dislike.
Sofia: What do you mean wall?
Arizona: Let's just say your Abuelo's first impressions of your Dad were not so favourable.
Mark: I was trying to save that little resident from getting his ass kicked.
Callie: George.
Mark: That's the guy. Poor kid looked like he was gonna pass out.
Callie: Mija, won't don't you come to me for Music?
Arizona: Still not letting this go babe?
Sofia: Do you know how to play a piano?
Callie: Well, no.
Sofia: A violin?
Callie: Erm, I did when I was 10 for like a month…
Sofia: A flute?
Callie: Not recently no…
Sofia: Can you read music?
Callie: …sometimes.
Mark: Baby girl, you can leave it there, you've won the argument. Torres, you've long since drowned. Take the loss, you're not very musical 'ol wonderful muse of Mount Olympus'.
Arizona: No way you just knew that fact, you Lexipedia'ed it.
Mark: My woman is smart, can't help it. Hot too.
Callie: Well this is stupid. Can Lexie play all those instruments?
Mark: She can definitely-
Arizona: MARK.
Callie: Whatever, I'm good at Spanish, which is way more useful.
Arizona: No pouting Calliope.
Mark: Moving on ladies! 'Who is most likely to sleep through a car ride?'
Callie: Tell you what, get your syllabus and I can make cards around it.
Arizona: Calliope, we've moved on-
Callie: Music, English, History etc.
Sofia: Mum honestly-
Callie: They helped Mer pass her boards; in fact, she got the highest mark.
Arizona: Babe-
Callie: AND she was sick!
Mark: TORRES! Stop. We get it, your cards are great, sought after by every intern, resident and attending in the land, but let's move on for the sake of family night.
Callie: Pffft, just not a 14 year old apparently.
Sofia: Mum-
Callie: You know Lexie has used my cards right? My method?
Arizona: Okay back to the game-
Callie: Get her on the phone Mark-
Sofia: Mum.
Callie: Yes?
Sofia: No, Mum, you're the most likely to sleep through a card ride.
Arizona: Oh thank god, I wondered if we'd ever change subject.
Callie: That's because your Mumma never lets me drive and straps me in tight with about six seatbelts.
Arizona: Not risking it Calliope.
Callie: I can't even have my phone on me when she's really paranoid.
Arizona: You don't need you phone for a quick journey to the hospital or store.
Callie: Doesn't matter anyway, my hands are always pinned behind about eleven seatbelts so-
Arizona: You're exaggerating, shush.
Mark: Tying up Torres eh?
Sofia: I'm leaving.
Callie: No no no no Mija, ignore your Dad. MARK. Behave.
Mark: I'm being set up for these comments! Tying up Torres? Come on.
Arizona: I'll hit you so hard with a brick.
Callie: Arizona! Not in front of Sofia.
Mark: Ha, yeah.
Callie: When she's not here, do what you want, and I'll be your alibi.
Mark: What?
Arizona: Thanks babe, love you.
Mark: I feel victimised.
Sofia: Stop talking about sex! I don't want to hear it.
Mark: Okay okay good point, moving on, before your Mumma makes good on her threat. 'Who is most likely to say something stupid and then deny it?'
Callie: Mark.
Arizona: Mark.
Sofia: Dad.
Mark: No I'm not!
Arizona: There you go, said something stupid and denied it all in three words.
Sofia: Dad, you told me Pluto was a planet.
Mark: That is not stupid! It is a planet. And I don't deny it, so ha.
Callie: Mark, it stopped being a planet in 2006.
Mark: But it's not stupid! It was a planet when we were at school.
Sofia: Which was during the Great Depression.
Arizona: SOFIA!
Mark: Ha, burn.
Arizona: That's aimed at YOU too, Mark.
Mark: Oh yeah… Hey!
Sofia: You also said you didn't know Notre Dame was in America.
Mark: Now now, I had just come off a 48 hour shift-
Arizona: Oooh no, spill baby girl.
Sofia: He said Quasimodo in The Hunchback of Notre Dame sounded American, so he wondered where it was over here.
Mark: You're not supposed to tell on your old man…
Sofia: I'm sorry Dad, it makes me laugh, I still love you.
Mark: And with those three words, all is forgiven.
Callie: We are definitely revisiting this subject. 'Who is most likely to give you $100 without asking why?'
Sofia: Dad.
Mark: Hey, I ask! Sometimes it's better not to, in case I'm an accessory.
Arizona: And what crime do you think our child is going to commit?
Mark: Whatever Callie would do when she gets pissed, they're frickin' identical.
Arizona: Tell me about it, the pout, the stare, the stroppy stance-
Sofia: I'm right here.
Mark: Yeah you are kid.
Arizona: The attitude, the arrogance-
Callie: HEY!
Arizona: Good arrogance Calliope.
Mark: Keep it PG ladies.
Arizona: Not always possible Mark-
Callie: Right, not going down that road. Remember when you tried to give mega-rich Jackson some money when he went to take his boards?
Mark: I wanted him to have a good time.
Callie: Mark, he's richer than us.
Arizona: Is he though? I wonder how much he's worth…
Mark: Well, it would be his grandfather right? Not him?
Callie: Exactly, like it's my Dad who's rich, not me.
Sofia: How much money does Abuelo have, Mum?
Callie: Sofia! You don't ask other people how much money they have.
Mark: Exactly… so how much you worth, Torres?
Callie: I'm worth my salary at SGMW, that's it.
Mark: Do you know, Blondie?
Arizona: We have joint bank accounts, so yeah, I know.
Mark: Is her trust fund in joint names?
Arizona: Maaaaaybe.
Callie: I swear to God Mark.
Arizona: I mean she has her own one too, and Sof of course.
Mark: So am I the only poor one here?
Arizona: Yuuup.
Mark: Do I get anything in the will being for being Sof's Dad, an awesome surgeon and an amazing friend?
Arizona: And a man-whore…
Sofia: What was that?
Callie: Arizona! Nothing Mija.
Arizona: You can have the chickens.
Sofia: Yeah but you have to keep the lock latched Dad, so they're safe.
Mark: Safe from my grill…
Arizona: I HEARD THAT.
Mark: As if! I'll take the chickens and some of that art you've got, that's got to be worth something. Sorted. Right, 'Who is most likely to stay in bed all day?'
Sofia: Next.
Arizona: You're only saying that because it's you.
Callie: We're lucky if we see you before PM.
Arizona: I'm pretty sure since you hit 13 you forgot weekends have an AM.
Sofia: Can we just move onto the next question?
Mark: Baby girl there's nothing wrong with chilling in bed all day.
Sofia: Ew Dad, don't say chilling.
Arizona: Ha, yeah Mark.
Callie: We're just teasing Mija. Come on, answer the question, what could be so terrible about the answer?
Sofia: Fine. It's both Mum and Mumma. I don't wanna expand.
Mark: Got some gossip there for your old man?
Sofia: Can we please move on?
Arizona: Okay, we have a healthy sex life, so what? Is that a crime?
Sofia: Ew ew ew Mumma! Can you not!
Arizona: And sometimes we like to lay in bed and-
Callie: Absolutely do not finish that sentence Arizona.
Arizona: Pffft, you're the one who won't let me up after I've knackered you out.
Callie: I think you'll find its me who-
Sofia: I'm going to my room-
Arizona: Is that the doorbell? Are we expecting company?
Callie: I'll get it.
Mark: I don't think so.
Arizona: You don't live here Mark-
Carlos: Hello Nieta, you're looking beautiful as always...
Sofia: ABUELO!
Callie: Daddy, what are you doing here-
Carlos: …as does my daughter-in-law, good to see you Arizona. Dr Sloan.
Arizona: Ha, Dr Sloan.
Mark: Crap.
Sofia: We're playing 'Who is Most Likely To', Abuelo, do you want to play?
Carlos: I'd love to Sofia, how does it work?
Sofia: You ask a question, then everyone answers who is most likely to do it out of all of us.
Carlos: I see.
Arizona: For example, 'Who is most likely to put a hit out on Mark Sloan?'
Callie: That could be any of us.
Carlos: Okay, this sounds fun, I'm in.
Mark: Wait, the game or putting a hit out on me?
Carlos: Let's just play.
Arizona: I'm having a great time.