Chapter 20: Because I Knew You

They were all gathered on Courteney's bed, almost in a dog-pile, staring at the computer screen. If Friends had been made in the digital age, it would have been the perfect image to use as a placard advertising the show. Courteney decided it was just as well none of the current technology had existed back in the 90s and early 2000s, and she was quite certain that at least Jennifer would agree. They had been so isolated back then, so protected. So innocent…

Plus, Friends seemed that much more sentimental now, when viewed as a period piece, with its now-obsolete answering machines and faxes and handheld landline phones. People actually engaged in face-to-face dialogues and cultivated face-to-face relationships, rather than conducting either impersonally through screens.

Ironic, considering that what they were all staring at on her computer screen now was anything but impersonal. If anything, it was too personal.

Jennifer tried to combat this by doing something that she wasn't generally known for, not even when she'd been Rachel Green: breaking the tension with light humor. "Well, this is fun!..." She smiled, though it was strained and it certainly didn't reach her eyes. "It's almost like a sleep-over!... When was the last time we had one of those?"

"Before kids," the other four - all of whom were parents - chorused. There was an awkward silence.

"Aren't we supposed to have negotiations for this sort of thing? Hell, more notice?" Matt frowned.

Courteney could feel all eyes going to David, then a couple going to her. That wasn't what fazed her. After all, for just about three decades, she and David Schwimmer had been the leaders of the group. It had been a natural choice, to look for guidance from the pair who played the Geller siblings, and particularly look to David, even though while he had played Monica's brother who was older by one year, in real life, he was two and a half years younger than Courteney.

What did faze Courteney now was that, even though the network was presenting it as though it were a choice, they were really being given no choice at all. This wouldn't be like the Emmys, where they had all collectively declared in the strongest possible mental health terms "We are NOT OK!" and foregone the whole thing.

In actuality, they had just been stalling on the inevitable. It was going to be 30 years since the start of Friends, and also close to a year (really, 11 months), since the first of their friends had fallen. This wasn't just some award show that could be sloughed off because it meant nothing. This was history. And producers, co-stars, fans everywhere were going to expect them to live that history, acknowledge it, whether they were ready or not. No matter whether everyone was present and accounted for or not.

The 2021 Reunion special may have fallen on an odd year, but Courteney was still thankful every day that they had done it. They had all been together and Matty had been doing reasonably well (recovery from the pandemic aside, which had been a shared trauma).

Re-reading the email from Kaufmann, Crane and Kevin Bright again, Schwimmer popped his lips. He had been the one to whip them into a caucus to fight for the pay that was due them; it seemed only right that he be the one to whip their caucus now, to see where they stood.

"I suppose we should take a vote."

"What's there to vote on?" Lisa groused. "They're going to make us do it anyway, whether we're in the right head space or not. Nobody said network television runs like a democracy."

"Few corporate cultures do," Jennifer agreed grimly.

Matt folded his arms. "Even if Matty were still here, they'd probably make us do it, with or without him." Everyone noticeably tensed at this. The thought of NBC strong-arming them into doing a special while leaving Matthew out of it, even if he was alive but unwell, almost seemed worse than what they were being pressured into doing now, in this actual, nightmarish timeline.

"I still say we vote," David stated firmly. "We have to speak with one voice."

"And if our one voice says something the executives don't like?" Lisa cocked an eyebrow, almost in challenge, though it wasn't directed at David.

Schwimmer's brow furrowed. "They might try to exert some legal pressure, though I can't see from where. Our original contracts never even stipulated for something so specific as this, because back then, we were just hoping to get picked up!" Not that they'd had any real doubt they would, back in 1994 – they had been able to taste the fame, as Matthew had written in his memoir. David shook his head in wonderment.

"Could any of you have imagined…. Thirty years ago….?" He needn't have elaborated; they all knew just what he was feeling. What a journey they'd all had!

"Those in favor?" At everyone's blank looks, David had to refrain from rolling his eyes. "Those who want to do it! God, when did all of you become Joey?"

"There's only one of those!" Matt beamed.

Courteney smirked, speaking up for the first time. "And one is enough. Plenty, in fact." Matt winked at her.

There was a long silence when no one moved. Finally, Lisa raised her hand. Her endorsement surprised Courteney: Lisa was far and away the smartest member of their found family, at best second only to Matthew. It made Courteney wonder how this bunch would have conducted decisions if power had been derived on the basis of intelligence, rather than age and perceived aura of authority. True, Lisa was the oldest out of all of them by a little under a year, but she hadn't possessed the maternal touch that Courteney did, that had made everyone want to flock to her with their problems and ask for counsel or wisdom.

The others must have also been giving her equally bemused looks, for Lisa glanced around and set her lips in a strong, thoughtful line.

"For Matty."

The notion that Lisa was willing to risk public vulnerability for Matthew's sake, rather than refuse to take that risk also for his sake, in order to protect him and themselves, took Courteney aback.

Whatever Lisa's rationale, it seemed to convince Matt, who nodded firmly and raised his hand. He would never get onboard with anything sans the endorsement of their beloved Floosh. It was one of the reasons he and Lisa had worked so well together as Joey and Phoebe.

"For Matty."

Courteney looked to Jennifer and David almost desperately. With Matthew gone, a third vote in favor would mean majority rule, rather than tie it all up.

Unless…

"Does it have to be unanimous?"

"Ideally, yes," Schwimmer replied. "Even with a simple majority, it wouldn't be fair for the minority to be forced into something they didn't want to do. Otherwise, we'd be no better than NBC." He gestured at the email on Courteney's laptop. "Besides, if the vote is split, it's going to look awkward for some of us to show up and some of us to not. At least, being… dead, Mathew has an excuse for an absence. Either all of us do it, or we don't do it at all."

Courteney and Jennifer glanced at each other. They spoke with no words. Neither would go forward with this without the support of the other.

Courteney swallowed hard. "Does… doesn't Matthew get a vote?"

The other four were sending her sympathetic stares. "Matthew isn't here, CC…." Matt reminded her gently.

"I don't care!" Courteney hissed with a kind of defiant relish, tears glistening. "He'd have a vote if he was here, so I will vote in his stead. In accordance with what I think he would have wanted."

"How do you know what he would have wanted?" Lisa demanded, though not exactly harshly. "How would any of us know what he would have wanted?"

"He would have wanted us to go on living." Everyone snapped his or her gaze to Jennifer, who was picking some lint off of Courteney's very expensive down comforter, her head bowed. She took a deep breath. "However complicated his relationship was with his fame and with Friends and sometimes even with us, he would have wanted us to honor the show and honor him." She smiled sadly at Courteney.

"Which means, if he was here…. he would vote Yes." Courteney nodded to Schwimmer.

Schwimmer grinned heavily at her; he appeared moved. "Well, that's three for and three….?" He didn't say against, instead letting the question hang. He seemed intent on not showing his hand until the last two girls did.

Courteney and Jennifer shared one last look. Sniffling, Jennifer very slowly raised her hand.

"I'm in….. For Matty."

Courteney exhaled. In that moment, a strange set of thoughts came into her mind, and she bird-walked her way through the logic to reach her own conclusion on the matter at hand:

In this life, she had had a husband; after growing apart, she'd divorced him, though they remained on good terms thanks to the child they shared and had raised together. In this life, she had a partner, who she loved – while they had once been engaged, they had reverted back to a decision to never marry, a decision she was at peace with. If there was one thing Courteney had learned, it's that you didn't have to necessarily be married to commit yourself to another person. Even then, in the next life, she had a husband; he had died before she had arrived at a place where she could have married him and declared her love before the world – in real life, not just for the cameras, and not just in her heart. For in this life, it had never been the right time for her and Matty.

Only when they were reunited in eternity would that be so. But eternity, even more so than this life, was what really counted.

And so, Courteney would honor the vow that she'd made, both on camera back in 2001 and in a higher plane of existence and her subconscious. She would honor her TV, departed husband and vote….

"Yes. For Matthew."

September 22nd, 2024

They all sat, five abreast, on the iconic orange couch, sweltering under the bright studio lights. Lisa fluttered her eyelids shut to allow the make-up department to add some last minute touches to her eye shadow.

"You know, it feels like we've been here before," Matt cracked, as they waited for the crew to take their marks and for their director to call Action. His million-watt grin belied a man who knew he was making a corny joke and knew – nay, expected – that the others got it as well. It reminded Courteney of someone… well, someone else she had known.

"LeBlanc? Knock it off," David grunted, the hand to his temple suggesting he was staving off a headache. "There's only one Matthew who could have gotten away with a crack like that, and boy, you ain't it!" He smirked tiredly from around his palm at how Courteney now gave him a grateful smile.

All too quickly, enough that she almost wasn't ready for it, Courteney heard the director call, "And we're live in 3!... 2!... '1!'…." He mouthed the last number.

"And welcome back to the Friends 30th Anniversary special! I'm your host, Stephen Colbert!..." The studio audience's wild cheering was even more enthused than it had been for the five surviving members of the cast. Next to her, Jennifer leaned into Courteney, whispering on the edge of her breath.

"The studio was lucky to book him, huh?" Courteney didn't reply, simply broadened her grin – the public one that she used for modeling photo-shoots and events like this: not quite fake, but not quite genuine either. Rather, more…. cultivated. Somewhere in between.

"Now, we would all…. be remiss if we didn't pay tribute…. extend a moment of silence…. to the one person who we would give anything to have here with us tonight…" Colbert's solemn tone was clearly above-and-beyond genuine, as was his way. "The late…. great…. Matthew Perry…." There was scattered, respectfully subdued applause coming from somewhere out in the darkness, beyond the spotlights. Courteney spotted Lisa actually wipe at her lashes, despite how it would ruin her eye shadow all over again. "I'd like to start with you, Courteney: you were married to him on the show – though we all wish it had also been in real life, amirite?" The audience cheered, squealed and whooped; Courteney gave a wan smile. "Can you tell us…. what sort of impact… he had on your life? What he meant to you?"

The pause Courteney now took to collect herself seemed to last forever. In that moment, she was torn between saying what had been the truth on the surface of it – what the public had seen – and saying the truth of what was in her heart. What Matthew had been, was, to her. This discord took her back to an interview from more than a decade earlier, when she and Matthew had reunited onscreen for the first time since their star turns as television husband and wife:

FLASHBACK – 2013

They had worked out the deal, both of them ecstatic by how seamlessly it had come together. Two opportunities to work with each other, get back together again, that would be filmed and released over the space of the next year. They'd essentially appear on each other's television shows – she on Go On, which Matty had executive produced himself, and he on her very successful hit Cougar Town, already renewed for a fifth season. At least one more, and Courteney could see her series reach the respected milestone of episodes in the triple digits. It would be vindication in the realm of syndication – her last venture for writing TV, Daisy Does America, with her Coquette Productions company she shared with her husband (now ex-husband, she had to remind herself) hadn't even reached the double digits.

Naturally, Courteney was up first, to guest star and support her dear friend. Matthew would return the favor within the year – that had been in the formal contract they'd both signed, but Courteney knew her former TV spouse's word was good. It was a damn word better than that of her actual former spouse, though she chose not to dwell on this.

"OK, so is this kind of like a nod to Friends, because you're playing…. lovers in this…?" the interviewer was asking.

"Well, I think it's a nod to Friends cause it's us…." Matthew acknowledged.

"We're sitting here…" Courteney stated wryly.

"And…. yeah, we're… we're sort of… almost lovers…. Maybe we're lovers…. Off…?" Matthew looked to her, his expression so hopeful and even transparent that Courteney had to smile indulgently, even as she shook her head.

"No…." If there was one thing this impossible man whom she cared for was not, it was subtle. But she had always found that endearing about him, in a way. Cute.

"We don't have a love scene…." Matthew clarified, clearly disappointed by this.

"But don't… don't you have… you kiss…?" This interviewer was clearly a Mondler fan-girl.

"Cause I didn't create this show," Matthew explained, his tone making it clear that he wished he had, if only to influence the direction of this episode.

"But you do kiss…."

"Yes."

"Yes… tomorrow, we kiss…" Courteney finally yielded. Secretly, however, she'd be lying if she said she wasn't excited to stage and film their kiss scene. Would the old black magic, that spark, still be there, nine, nearly ten years on? When they filmed their big moment? She liked to think it would be. No one had ever heard her complaining about locking lips with Matthew for the better part of six years on Friends – three-fifths of their entire run. If she had been scripted to make out for that many years with Matt LeBlanc or, God forbid, David Schwimmer (not that she and Schwimmer would have been paired anyway, because, TV incest), she might have had a coronary.

"Did everything just fall back into place, like in a rhythm, in a groove, right away? When you guys got together on this show?"

"…. Yes," Matthew replied. "It's, uh…. very surreal. It's very surreal." He shrugged in a 'Welp, what else can you say?' fashion. "Yeah, we were running lines… in the make-up trailer, and it was just very odd…"

"And by the way – nothing has changed!" Courteney laughed. "Literally. From the… producers coming in, to the process of…. learning the lines, all of it, except for… that we look…" She broke, laughing.

"… the way we look," Matthew saved her with his dashing, charming smile. "… and the fact that 30 million people aren't watching anymore. Other than that…"

"Other than that…" Courteney echoed with a chuckle.

Matthew smirked and gave a thumbs up. "… it's the same!"

A decent number of people had watched them reunite for that episode, though far short of 30 million, and not nearly enough to save the show: two episodes after Courteney's guest appearance, at the end of only a single season, Go On was canceled.

END OF FLASHBACK

Back in the present, Courteney could feel how all of her hearing had almost switched off to make room for the cacophony of her thoughts, her memories. How to measure someone else's life? How to measure how that one life had impacted her own?

She quickly came to a decision that she would not speak her deepest heart of what her beloved Matthew meant to her – that was not for the fans or Stephen Colbert or the other Friends or really anyone to hear, history-making TV show or no. What she and Matthew actually were to each other, what they had meant and still meant to one another… that was just for them. As it should be - no matter how ecstatic millions might be to learn the truth that the dynamic of Chandler and Monica hadn't always been just for the cameras. That there had been more truth to a couple that some generations considered the embodiment of true love than anyone could ever imagine or would ever know.

But there were some things – safe things, non-private things, things that weren't kept close to heart under lock and key – that Courteney could share. There was a story she could tell.

And so, her eyes brimming with tears around a wistful, emotional smile, Courteney Cox began to tell her TV, heavenly husband's story.

A/N: "I've heard it said... that people come into our lives for a reason... bringing something we must learn and we are led... to those who help us most to grow, if we let them... and we help them in return... Well, I don't know if I believe that's true. But I know I'm who I am today, because I knew you... Like a comet pulled from orbit, as it passes a sun... like a stream that meets a boulder in a distant wood... Who can say, if I've been changed for the better, but... because I knew you... I have been changed... for good..." ~ Stephen Schwartz, Wicked.