*Pop*

"Hoot hoot hoot!"

"Hi Bubbles! How are ya today?"

"Hooooooooot HOOT hoot, hoot hoot HOOT!" The monkey danced around cheerfully, concluding his lively answer with a bout of enthusiastic clapping.

"Awesome! Is King Kai home?"

"HOOT hoot hoot hoot hoot."

Goku smiled at his distant cousin. "Good talk." He left the primate to his own devices and walked towards King Kai's house.

Goku entered the modest residence and promptly halted. Closing his eyes, he sniffed the air and focussed his ears. Soothing music played in the background while an unfamiliar, but pleasant scent filled his nostrils. Hmm, nice! He opened his eyes again and looked around. Now where could he be? Goku made his way over to the kitchen. Checking it for the presence of both his teacher and a delicious meal, but alas, no sign of either. Bummer. He turned around and followed the music to its source in the living room. Scanning his new surroundings, he frowned. The place was tidy, unusually tidy. Weird. Finally locating his target, Goku's heart suddenly dropped. "King Kai!" The short blue being was lying supine on the couch with his hands neatly clasped on his stomach. His face was covered in an unknown substance and there was weird green stuff where his eyes should be. Woah boy! Not good! Shocked and worried, Goku rushed over to his motionless master. "King Kai!? Are ya ok!?" No response… Goku reached out and began shaking him. "KING KAI! Please be ok!"

The Kai stirred. "Would you knock it off, Goku? I'm trying to relax here."

Goku straightened his spine and wiped his brow. "PHEW! Ya really had me worried! I thought ya were -"

"Dead?"

"Yes."

"I'm already dead, Goku. No thanks to you I might add."

Goku scratched the back of his head. "Oh yeah, I still need to work on that, don't I?"

The deity gave an approving growl and slowly sat up. "Now, what brings you to my planet? No no no wait! Let me guess! You want me to train you? No no no! First you're going to empty my fridge and then you want me to train you!?"

"Are those cucumber slices?"

"Wait wha-? Yes, they are and no, they aren't edible anymore."

"Huh…? But…? Why are they on your glasses!?" Goku's face contorted. "And why's there poo on your face!?"

The Kai flinched. "That's mud, Goku!"

Goku frowned. "Mud? Were ya fighting someone? Do ya need my help!? I mean, I always get mud on my face when I fight someone."

"No, I wasn't fighting anyone! Besides, who could I possibly fight here!? An undead monkey? A cricket who's dead as a doornail?"

"Yeah yeah, I know, I'm sorry." Goku put his palms up and flashed him an innocent smile.

"Of course you are."

Still a little confused, the saiyan continued. "But if ya weren't fighting anyone, how come there's mud on your face?"

King Kai grinned, happy to educate his non-deceased visitor. "Frequent mud masks are the secret to eternal youth. That's why I always look so lively!" He snickered. "Get it? Lively, as in, alive?" More snickers. "You should try one too, Goku. All that frowning gives you wrinkles."

Goku rubbed his chin. "I dunno. I don't think I look very saggy, especially not for someone my age." He looked at the Kai and blinked. "Hey! You're distracting me! Tell me about the cucumbers!"

"Oh yeah, right. They are relaxing."

"Cucumbers are relaxing?"

"If you put them on your eyes, yes. I mean fresh slices of course, not the whole fruit." He snickered again.

"Oh I see. But, don't they need to touch your eyes for that to work, King Kai?"

The Kai's antennae twitched in embarrassment. Oh… shit… "Erm, no! These are very special slices from very special cucumbers! Yes! They work even through glasses!" He gave a nervous laugh, hoping to cover up his awkward mistake. Please buy it dum dum…

"Riiight." Scratching his cheek, Goku grinned. "So, where's the rest of that cucumber?"

"Ask Bubbles."

Darn it.

"Anyway, Goku, I'm busy relaxing today so I'm not going to train you. Are you sure you don't want to try a mask for yourself instead?"

"Will I get to have the cucumber?"

The Kai sighed. I see why his species is related to monkeys. "Yes, you can have the cucumber."

"Alright! What do I do?"

"Just sit tight on the sofa and give me a minute to clean my face, then I'll get to work on yours."

"Sure thing!" Goku plopped down on the couch, eagerly awaiting his mud and upcoming meal.

King Kai walked towards his bathroom, chuckling internally. This is going to be interesting…

Five minutes later, a very restless Goku shifted on the sofa he was reclining on. "This is boring."

King Kai smiled. "No, it's relaxing."

Goku groaned. "How long is this gonna take?"

"About ten more minutes."

"THAT LONG!?"

"Twenty if you keep complaining."

"Aw man…"

The Kai's smile widened to a grin. "Careful, if you talk too much it will stick to your face forever."

Goku instantly jumped off the couch. Seizing the slices covering his eyes, he hurled them at the nearest window, hitting the glass with two distinct *splats*.

"Goku, what are you doing?"

The saiyan desperately clawed at his face. "GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!"

King Kai cocked an eyebrow as he gaped at his pupils' pointless distress in disbelief. You can't be serious. THIS is the most powerful man in the universe?

"Well don't just stand here, help me!" Goku pleaded, holding up his muddied palms.

Realizing something, the Kai began to snicker, rapidly building up to a cackle. Ok, this is so much better than I imagined!

Goku gawked at his laughing mentor in confusion. "What's so funny!?"

The Kai's glee suddenly exploded, bursting out in a fit of shameless laughter. "Wow! Unbelievable! I just -!" Unable to contain his apparent amusement, the rotund being fell over. Rolling on the floor laughing, he hit the carpet with his fists. "Bubbles! Come over here and check this out!"

The monkey hopped into the living room, bouncing on his haunches enthusiastically. "Hoooooot hoot hoot?"

Hollering, King Kai pointed at Goku. "Do you see that, Bubbles?"

"Hoot HOOT HOOT?"

"Yes! Look! I just -" The Kai roared again. Holding on to his shaking ribs, he gasped for air as he tried to continue. "I just defeated the STRONGEST MAN IN THE UNIVERSE… with a CUCUMBER… and a HANDFUL OF MUD!" Laughing uncontrollably, he succumbed to his own hilarity. "Better… Better pray nobody tells the bad guys!" He sputtered.

"HOOT HOOT HOOT!"

Torn between despair and indignation, Goku squinted at the rudely entertained duo. "This isn't funny!" He pointed at his face. "I don't wanna look like this forever! Everyone will make fun of me!"

The Kai kicked his feet in amusement. "Then you have nothing to worry about, Goku, because everyone already makes fun of your face! Even without the mud!" Snorting and snickering, King Kai wiped the tears from his eyes and sat up. He looked at Bubbles and nodded at his unfortunate target. "What do you think, Bubbles? It is quite an improvement, right!?"

"Hoot! HOOT HOOT HOOT!" Hopping around and clapping his hands, the primate happily agreed with his master.

Goku glared at his gleeful teacher and his merrily hooting pet. An involuntary growl emanated from deep within his chest as he muttered through tightly clenched jaws. "Not. Funny." Fed up with the mockery, the usually calm warrior lost his composure and instinctively began powering up.

Slightly alarmed by the cracking plaster and vibrating vases, King Kai jumped to his feet. Unwilling to face a raging super saiyan, the deity released a big exhale, subsiding his giggles. "Yeah yeah yeah, show-off." He waved Goku away. "Just go wash your face in the sink. The mud will come off. Just don't blow up my planet again!"

Goku let up. Quickly collecting himself, he turned around and stomped towards the bathroom, mumbling under his breath. "It better…"

A few minutes later, a freshly rinsed and much younger looking Goku re-entered the living room. He put on a fierce scowl and crossed his arms in displeasure. "That wasn't funny, King Kai!"

The deity grinned. "I disagree." He shook his head. "All these years and you never developed a sense of humor."

"I thought ya were serious. Ya scared me!" Goku placed his fingers on his forehead, preparing to leave.

King Kai lifted his eyebrows in surprise. "Wait! You're not staying for dinner then?"

Goku lowered his fingers immediately and smiled. "Sure! What are we having?"

The Kai put his palms to his mouth and snickered. "Cucumber salad!"

Flashing his teacher a dirty look, Goku quickly put his fingers back and *pop* vanished. Off to find more dignified acquaintances elsewhere.

King Kai folded his short arms behind his back and walked outside. "You have to admit that was pretty brilliant, right Bubbles?"

"HOOT hoot hoot HOOT!"

He shook his head with a sigh. "Even Goku can't excel at everything he does. Unfortunately for us, taking jokes is one of those things."

"Hoot hoot hoot."

The Kai looked at the monkey's halo and snickered. "Indeed, he did deserve it a little bit."