Siara stayed in her room by herself while she waited for Cullen to finish with his duties, both at the court that Jacquelyn ran and his duties as commander. He'd have to figure out where to send her, after all. Part of her wished that it would take him a bit of time to do, but she also knew that Jacquelyn probably just wanted her gone. Not that Siara could entirely blame her. The women had never liked each other, and Siara had been a bit of a bitch and immature prat at times towards the Inquisitor. Even so, Siara wished that she could stay in Skyhold for a while longer. She had her doubts about what was going to happen, mainly because of her lessons with Solas. As much as Siara hated to admit it, she was a mage now, even if it wasn't quite as simple as that. And being a mage, she was tied to the Fade. Ignoring the danger of having an untrained, highly emotional mage around the place, there was also the risk of demons trying to possess her or manipulate her. Siara didn't like the position she was finding herself in.
A knock at the door pulled her out of her thoughts. She sighed, looking around at the door and getting up from her position sprawled on her bed, crossing the floor and opening the door. Barris stood in front of her, looking for a moment like he wasn't entirely certain what to say. Siara just grinned at him, stepping aside.
"Come on in," she invited, motioning for him to join her. Barris paused for a moment before entering the room, looking around in interest.
"I didn't imagine your room to be so…"
"Empty?"
"Yes."
"I have what I need," Siara shrugged, "and even a few things I don't. Like these damn books," she motioned to a pile of books that were gathering dust. "Don't know why I have them. Not like I spend much time reading."
"You don't enjoy it?"
"I'd enjoy it more if it didn't hurt my eyes," she shrugged again, then smiled at Barris again. "I hear congratulations are in order, Knight-Commander."
Barris looked almost bashful, shrugging and looking away awkwardly.
"Ah, well… it wasn't exactly a complete surprise, was it? I just didn't expect it to be so soon."
"Come on, from what I've been hearing, you've done a lot more for the Inquisition and the templars than just hunting a few blood mages. You earned it."
"Thank you," Barris frowned slightly, regarding Siara closely. "I heard about what happened between you and the Inquisitor. I'm sorry about you… well, practically being banished from Skyhold."
"Eh, it is what it is. I did kinda break her nose."
"I don't think that the punishment particularly fits the crime."
"Doesn't matter. I'm lucky I got off as light as I did. I'm not going to fight it. Give her a bit of time to cool off," Siara stretched, taking a seat on her bed while she considered the situation. "Besides, it won't be too much different from my current arrangements. Cullen will still have me on the payroll, and I'm hardly ever at Skyhold for very long anyway. Jacquelyn and I didn't like each other very much even before I punched her. Us having some space isn't a bad thing."
"Are you sure? Even with your… condition?" he asked, frowning in concern. Siara sighed, pulling a face.
"You make it sound like I'm pregnant," she muttered, then shook her head. "Things will sort themselves out. I'll talk to Solas before I set off. He'll keep looking into things while I'm away. I'm not too worried."
"Are you sure? Because earlier you didn't sound too -" he was interrupted by a knock at the door. Siara half raised an eyebrow, Barris turning to look at the door as she rose from her seat.
Cullen stood at the door, an almost impressed look on his face.
"Apologising was very clever, Siara," he said. "Showing remorse forced her to go easier on you. Well done."
Siara mock bowed, smiling.
"Thank you, thank you," she said. "I do try."
"I have to admit, I was a bit surprised. I can't say I expected you to be quite so… cunning," Cullen said, stepping into the room as Siara stepped out of the way, heading back to take her seat on her bed again.
"You and Cassandra should learn not to underestimate me," Siara replied, leaning back on her elbows. "There's a reason I haven't had my head chopped off by some noble or another before now."
Cullen was about to reply when he noticed Barris, pausing in surprise and cutting any thoughts he'd had short.
"Barris," he greeted with a nod. "What are you doing here?"
"I was just… saying my farewells," Barris darted a look at Siara, who suppressed a snort. Barris wasn't the best at coming up with lies on the spot. Hopefully he wouldn't have too many conversations about her when she was gone, or people might start to think something was up.
"I see," Cullen's eyes darted back to Siara.
"Speaking of farewells," Siara sat forward, "where am I headed and when am I being sent into exile?"
"Exile is a rather harsh way of putting it."
"Am I wrong?"
"Not really," Cullen sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose in exasperation.
"I'll leave you two to talk," Barris muttered, shooting a look at Siara. "Should you need anything, don't hesitate to ask."
"Likewise," Siara threw him a grin as he left the room, pausing to nod to Cullen. Cullen watched Barris for a moment, then turned to Siara with a raised eyebrow as the door swung shut behind him.
"You two seem… close."
"We're friends, I suppose," Siara shrugged. "Almost getting killed by blood mages together will do that. You still haven't told me where I'm going."
Cullen didn't look too convinced about what Siara had said, but seemed to brush it aside for the moment, instead taking a deep breath and letting it out as a long sigh before speaking again.
"I tried to think of somewhere that will be sufficiently boring for you," he said, Siara pulling a face. "There's a fort in need of a few extra troops. Fort Greystone. Out of the way, not too many people. Has a bit of a bandit problem, but nothing too bad. It's mostly just a lookout point, more than anything."
"What an imaginative name for it,'' Siara muttered, then stood up. "Got any more details for me?"
"The men can fill you in on the way. For now, you should rest. I'll make sure this room stays ready for your return, however long that might take."
"How kind of you," Siara smiled, almost chuckling. Cullen watched her for a moment, contemplating.
"How are you in such good spirits about this?"
"What do you mean?"
"You said it yourself, you're basically getting exiled. But you're… you seem happier than I've ever seen you."
"Punching someone in the face that you hate does that, I guess," Siara shrugged. "And I've come to the realisation that Jacquelyn simply isn't worth the energy."
"I see… and Dedrick?"
Siara bristled at the mention of the Mayor, a scowl forming on her face.
"Why bring him up, Rutherford? I was having such a nice time, too."
"Sorry, it's just that… I noticed you said something to him before he was led out, and you were put on trial. I'm curious… what did you say to him?"
"I told him to remember to thank the Maker every day that it was Jacquelyn and not me who passed his judgement."
"Why? What punishment would you have given him?"
"I would have ordered that he be put in a cell," Siara started, her eyes cold. "I would have ordered that every now and again, at unpredictable intervals, the cell be flooded. Sometimes only a bit, just enough to get his toes wet. Other times, he wouldn't have any access to air. And the duration that the water would stay in his cell for would vary, sometimes for long enough to make him pass out. And every time, he would be resuscitated. Just to let him know the fear that his victims knew. And he would never know for sure if maybe, maybe, this time he would be left for dead."
It took a moment for Cullen to say anything, the room suddenly feeling much smaller and colder than it had just before. Siara's face held anger glinting in it, a quiet, pent up rage that wasn't sure how to be released.
"Remind me never to get on your bad side," Cullen muttered after a moment. Siara chuckled, the room seeming to open up again.
"You've already been there and survived."
"Right," Cullen frowned slightly. "You know, the people he drowned. He said they had the Blight. They were as good as dead anyway, and if he hadn't done what he did, more people might have died."
"I know. But he let them drown. He let them feel fear in their final moments. He let children feel fear."
"What would you have done in his place?"
Siara regarded Cullen closely for a moment, contemplating. She wasn't entirely certain that he wanted an answer to his question.
"I would have let them live for as long as it was safe for them to, and then I would have given them clean deaths. Quick deaths, not letting them have the chance to be scared."
"You would have killed them yourself?"
"Yes."
"Have you… have you killed children before?"
Siara briefly looked away, her mouth set in a grim line before she met Cullen's eyes again. The scared, uncertain concern in them.
"You were once a templar," she said. "Have you ever killed a child because you had no other choice?"
Cullen didn't respond, just watching Siara for a moment before clearing his throat awkwardly and turning away, rubbing the back of his neck. Siara looked down at her hand, cleaned at her side, doing her best to push memories out of her mind.
"Sometimes you do what's best, not what lets you sleep at night," she muttered before shaking her head. "I need to pack my stuff."
"Of course," Cullen agreed, seeming all too thankful for the change in topic. "I'll leave you to it."
In a couple of strides, he was out the door, leaving Siara to her preparations.