11
My Love, My Dream, Dahwan
'Having a dream is not at all important if you don't have someone who loves you to admire your success. And my lover is this woman.'
"Awww! Stop playing on your phone. We came all the way here. I'm about to sulk any second now."
"Wow, I rarely see you sulk."
"What are you playing with? Is your phone more interesting than the shy Fujisan?"
"It's not that interesting." I tuck my phone away and wrap my arm around the arm of the person who's excited about the scenery and ambience of this place adoringly. "You already took a lot of pictures. You want to take more?"
"The only thing that can stop time are photos. It will be filled with our memories. The last time that we were here, we just stayed in our room. We didn't get to admire the view like this."
"If you could turn back time, would you come out for a stroll like this?"
Chris pauses to think and turns to look at me. She scratches her cheek shyly.
"Nab. It was a good memory."
"Too bad all the leaves are gone." I change the topic and look at the boat with a duck shape in the lake. "We intended to paddle the duck boat together on that
"Do you want to do it now?"
"It would be like going to Khao Din (a zoo in Bangkok)."
"We would never go to Khao Din. Since we're already here, let's go on the duck boat."
We're back in Japan. It's the trip Chris has arranged since last year. We almost didn't get to come together. 'Kawaguchiko' happens to be where we went on our first trip together after we agreed to be lovers. I remember how obsessed we were with each other then. We didn't go out of our room at all. So on this trip, we need to take in as much scenery as possible.
It seems like this trip is to make up for us not coming out of the room at all on our last trip here. We go on the 1500-yen duck boat for 25 minutes. Getting to be in the middle of the lake with a fake duck sound is a strange feeling. Nonetheless, I gaze serenely at Fuji's snow-capped peak.
But it seems like someone is panicking.
"Karn... you uploaded our picture to Twitter?"
The arrogant-looking woman appears shocked. I smile a little and pretend to be curious as to why she asked that.
"Can't I?"
"It's not that you can't, but aren't you afraid that it will impact your work? What about your future in the entertainment industry?"
"You're the only person following this account."
"Huh? What do you mean?"
"I created this account just to talk to you. I have two accounts. This is my personal one. The other one is for my co-workers and other people."
"Ah..." Chris seems relieved to hear that. So, I let her in a little more.
"But I also uploaded our picture to my other account. I went public about us. This is as grand an opening as I've ever done."
"What..."
When I see the jaw of the arrogant-looking woman drop, I reach out my hand to push her jaw back up as I laugh.
"Why are you so shocked?"
"Of course I am. You want to get into the entertainment industry. Announcing that you have a female lover will make it harder for you to do so."
"Why would it be a problem? It's just my preference. It's not that I have contagious diseases or something."
"But..."
I know what Chris is thinking. She's probably shocked, but she's probably more happy that I go public like this. To be honest, I'm not a famous person, so it's not that big of a deal to go public about who I'm dating. I don't have to explain my relationship to anyone.
"Though my dream is important, you're more important." I say that shyly. "I want to make it clear. We don't have to tell anyone about us, but I think it's better to go public with it. One day, if I really get to be in the entertainment industry, I won't have to hide or lie about us. I don't want to make you feel bad again."
I once thought that I could lie about us and reveal the truth later that I have a woman as a lover. But that's not how it works. If you start lying, you will have to continue on to cover it up. I don't want to be in that position again.
If I don't get to be in the entertainment industry, that's fine. I'm happy as it is. It's not like everyone gets to do what they dream of doing...
"Meeting you is the greatest gift I've ever gotten."
I try to make up for my past guilt. I want to make up for saying, 'We shouldn't have ma' I know I can't erase the past, but it's better than me not doing anything about it at all.
"Why do you have two accounts?"
"I want to know which account Apple will use, whether it's Aontakarn or Aontakarn s."
When I think about that, I think back to when Chris learned how to use Twitter and asked for my account so that she could follow me. For some reason, I wanted to catch her red-handed. Accordingly, I created a new account and gave her that. I lied and said that Aontakarn was an account someone created to impersonate me. I wanted to know which account Apple would use to contact me.
And because she was caught, Apple contacted me via Aontakarn _s.
It seems as if Chris has finally figured out how she was tricked, so she bares her teeth at me and speaks to me with a deep voice.
"You tricked me into sending you a message to your new account?"
"You were caught with your hand in the cookie jar... So cute." I reach my hand out to squeeze the fierce-looking lady's cheek and massage it playfully. Chris was about to sulk, but then she smiled at me and gave me a very warm look.
"If I were a man, I would have asked you to marry me by now."
"Huh?"
"Or I would have impregnated you."
When I hear that, I turn to look at the fierce-looking woman and cover my face with my hand because I can feel how hot it is. Chris was just teasing me, but I'm so embarrassed.
"What are you saying? Why would you impregnate me?"
"Why are you covering your face? Are you shy?"
"Crazy." I separate my fingers so I can look her in the eye. "You can do that even if you're not a man."
"Huh?"
"I mean, us getting married."
"…"
"Do you want to get married?"
How did I get to the point where I'm proposing to another woman? Chris seems stunned to hear that. She then shakes her head.
"No."
"Why not?" I dropped my jaw because I didn't expect that response. I thought that we were very much in love and that Chris would want to many me. "You said you loved me a lot. Why don't you want to marry me?"
I clearly sound moody because Chris's response wasn't what I wanted to hear. But I'm giving her an opportunity to explain herself because, many times, she has a good reason for her decision.
"I want you to achieve your dream first. We're so much in love. We can get married and make babies overseas anytime if we want to."
"What if I never achieve my dream in the entertainment industry?"
"You will. I believe that if someone is determined enough, their dreams will come true."
Our trip ended. I forgot what we talked about during that trip. But three months after that, Chris, who came to wait for me to finish my news broadcast, ran to me and jumped on me. She hugs me tightly, elated.
"Karn!"
"What is it, Chris? What happened?" Chris is shaking as she hugs me. I think I heard her sob as well when she called my name. I have to lean back and look at her. "What's the matter? Why..."
"I'm happy."
"About?"
"Do you still want to marry me?"
"Huh?"
Like I said, I forgot what we talked about during the Japan trip. Maybe I felt embarrassed about being rejected, so I didn't want to think about that event. Yet Chris reminded me of our conversation with excitement. I can't help but let out a smile.
"If you want to get married, grab this opportunity."
"Are you inviting me to a singing contest? No. I can't sing."
"You're teasing me again."
I'm teasing her because she always encourages me to go on a show to show my talent without considering if it fits me or not. In the latest case, she encouraged me to go to a singing contest to rap or sing Thai folk songs.
Please know that I can't sing!
"Okay. I won't tease you anymore. What is it?"
"My friend from university contacted me. She's one of the team members who's working on an MV for the singer, Sadubpin. Do you know her?"
"I've listened to her song before. And?"
"They are working on a new MV. It's about female lovers. My friend knows that you're my lover, so she contacted me to ask me whether you'd be interested in being in it. And I told her, yes. Yay!"
"You replied in my place, too." I laugh embarrassingly. An opportunity suddenly presents itself to me?
"It's a small step, but it's something. Give it a try?
"It's interesting. But being in an MV doesn't mean I'll get into the entertainment industry. It's not that easy."
"The exciting part is that..." Chris rubs her hands together as she tries to calm herself down. "The other female lead who will be in the MV with you is a famous actress from one of the top agencies. Do you know Dahwan?"
"I do. I watched her series before. Don't tell me..."
"Yes! You will be in the MV with Dahwan Piriyapattana, one of the leading actresses from a big channel."
"Wow."
"When you get to be in an MV with an actress that famous, people will remember you for sure. People will recognize you. You will get to walk the path that you've dreamed of walking. It might not make you famous, but you will get to pursue your dream."
"If I get to pursue my dream, then we can get married. Wow!"
"You're the best. Your day has finally arrived, MY Aontakarn."
We hug each other happily. It makes my heart pound. Like my mother said to me before she passed away. Why be successful if there is no one to celebrate your success with?
And right now, I'm hugging the person who loves me with all her heart. And she's more happy for me than I, who was the one who successfully followed my dream.
"Thank you, Chris."
And thank you, mom, for bringing this woman into my life...
END.