Chapter 24

A/N: Hi people, this chapter took a really long time to figure out and write but it's done finally! I think we are finally in a place where you can expect updates every alternate weekend. I had thought that this story would wind up in around 30 chapters but now I think it might be a little longer. I just want to finish it before its ninth anniversary in December. Please do keep reviewing, you have no idea how much your reviews encourage me to keep going!

Thank you to Wyndwhyspyr for your reviews on almost all chapters, Thank you Jansfamily4, Levenez, Deanna27 and Dizzylizzy.60 for your reviews :))

I recommend reading this chapter with Florida by Taylor Swift & Florence and the Machine playing on loop in the background, that was the soundtrack of this chapter.

Also, I just realised that Robert is Viscount Milton, so he'll be Lord Milton and their Father is Earl Fitzwilliam so he'll be Lord Fitzwilliam, ughhh, I'll have to fix this in all the chapters now (crying face emoji).

My brothers are idiots, a never-ending saga

8th February, 1808

Posy Cottage,

Gloucestershire

It had been four years since Richard had seen Michelle last. He, along with the whole Fitzwilliam family had stood forlornly on the drive of the Canterbury Estate, their hands raised in farewell, as the carriage carrying Niklaus, Michelle and her mother made its way away from them, to their new home on Niklaus' estate in Gloucestershire. Michelle had stuck her head outside the carriage and she watched Canterbury House until their carriage disappeared around the bend. Richard had not seen her shedding a single tear throughout the drama that led up to Michelle being kicked out of her ancestral home. Neither had Alina, he found out later upon asking his sister.

Though they all felt sad that they were losing one of their oldest family friends, Alina had been inconsolable, crying huge gut wrenching sobs in his arms. She had, in a way, lost her best friend since the cradle. Though they could still write to each other and visit each other, those would not be adequate substitutes for seeing each other almost everyday. Richard felt his own gut twisting at watching her pain. He and Michelle had been friends too, but her departure hadn't affected him this much. He was older, he was used to long distance friendships with his school and university mates, he had also said goodbye to some of them, he had a number of close friends instead of just one best, bosom friend he shared everything with like it had been with Alina and Michelle. Thus, he found it easy to push his own sorrow at the back of his mind to console his sister. That had been the tone of his entire relationship with Michelle uptil then - it was always superseded by the deep connection between Michelle and Alina. Their friendship came first. Michelle was just a girl he respected, admired and liked. Michelle was just his sister's friend. He hadn't given much thought to her after he joined the army, only reminded of her existence by mentions of her in his sister's letters.

Until two years ago, when Michelle had suddenly asked Niklaus for his writing directions and started penning him a letter each month. She had requested him to keep their correspondence to himself, to not tell his sister of the same since their parents and Miss Price read most of Alina's correspondence and she didn't want to advertise that she, an unmarried girl, was writing to a man who was not her relation. Often, her letters used to be enclosed in Niklaus' and his letters to her would be enclosed in his replies to Niklaus. Niklaus had promised both parties fervently that he wasn't reading their private correspondence and had also been sworn to secrecy. He didn't exactly approve of keeping Alina in the dark, but he was helpless before Michelle's entreating expression.

From the moment they both decided to write to each other, they could feel the spectre of Alina looming large over them. Michelle's initial letters often had recollections of pranks all three of them had played on unsuspecting Cousin Darcy. The summer adventures they had had with Niklaus. The various shenanigans she and Alina had gotten upto when the boys had been away at school. Richard had loved reading these little pieces of home, but he was puzzled about why Michelle would say nothing of her present life, and only talk of the past. There was no mention of Gloucestershire, her mother or her present interests in her letters. After a couple of letters in which his queries about her current life went unanswered, Richard had asked her if there was something about him that made her uncomfortable in sharing anecdotes about her present with him. He said that he appreciated the stories of the past and they did bring him great comfort but he felt like their relationship was superficial. She only talked about happy times. Only reminiscing about the good things. If he mentioned something slightly darker in their shared past in his letters, it would be completely ignored.

He wanted to push deeper, but he felt like there was a wall between them that he couldn't get through. A wall, that Michelle wouldn't let him get through. I've tried my best, Michelle, he had said, but I cannot break it down alone. Or if there is a door in the wall, you shall have to guide me to it, or better yet, open it and let me in. I promise to honour the trust you have placed and will place in me…Michelle, if you want us to be true friends, if you want me to be honest about my experiences in the army, if you want me to be vulnerable about my feelings, I expect the same from you. I want to know what makes you happy, what makes you sad, what makes you angry, what makes you scream at the skies. I want to know the little things you do. I want to know the big things you dream of. I've opened my heart to you, Michelle. I've already travelled a great distance towards you in this friendship, please take some steps towards me too Michelle.

He had waited weeks for a reply, had almost given up when three months passed without a letter. But one day, after a particularly boring day that made him want to pull his hair out, he had received pages and pages of Michelle's innermost thoughts. Niklaus had franked the letter but only included a note in it, incredulously asking Richard what magic had he performed to make Michelle write so much?! Richard had read, then reread those eleven pages over and over again. He read them over breakfast, he read them when he took a break in the day, he read them in bed before going to sleep. He had had many dealings with women, most of them strictly physical, but none of them had given him this quiet feeling of contentment in his heart while simultaneously making him feel like he was floating in the clouds.

His own reply had been a measly five pages for which he had apologised profusely as he needed to send missives to his family too but Michelle had understood. And then, it had begun. Michelle's confidences. Her letters - always longer than his. Niklaus frequent jokes about the high prices of international postage. Richard's increasingly honest letters. Letters detailing their hopes and dreams for the future that began sounding remarkably similar to each other. Letters with ribbons of different colors that he purchased from each town, village and city he travelled to. Letters with beautiful drawings of plants she was growing in her garden. Richard poured his heart to her yet he refused to consider that she had begun to mean more to him than his sister's best friend, to mean more than his closest friend. It wasn't until Maxie thrust his future in his face, until he realised that his dream of selling his commission had fallen apart, did he realise that when he had thought of settling in the country and setting up his own home, it was Michelle he had wanted by his side. It had always been Michelle.

And now, two years later from the month she had first written to him, here he stood, hiding in the trees near the back of Michelle's cottage. He watched her as her face fell when she inspected her snow covered herb garden. He watched as she knelt on the cold ground and tried to dig up her rosemary plants with her gloved hands. Her mother liked to have rosemary tea in the evenings, it helped greatly with her constitution - he remembered from one of her missives. And when he couldn't take it anymore and strode out of the trees towards her, she looked up.

Richard started running towards her and she smiled tremulously at him as she rose up from the ground.

'Michelle!'Richard cried as he reached her. 'Michelle, Michelle, Michelle!' He said her name like a prayer and benediction rolled into one.

Michelle cradled his face in her hands. 'Am I dreaming? Or is it really you?'

Richard brought his hands up to cover hers, turning his head to place a kiss on one of her palms. 'It's me, my darling.'

'Oh Richard', Michelle sobbed, 'Do you know how long I have wished for this moment? You scared me out of my wits, when you took so long to come back.' She buried her face in his shoulder, her tears dampening the fabric of his cloak.

'I'm sorry, Mich', Richard pleaded, as he stroked her hair gently. 'I'm so sorry.'

'It's alright', Michelle said, her voice muffled by Richard's shoulder. 'Everything's alright now that you are back, now that you are here, with me.'

She raised her tear filled eyes to his, eyes that were brimming with love and hope. Hope he had come to dash to smithereens.

Michelle noticed his crestfallen expression, and her own smile disappeared in response. She pulled back from him but Richard grasped her hands in his, not ready to let her go.

'What is it, Richard?' Her voice trembled. 'Something's wrong, I can see it in your face.'

'I cannot sell my commission, Michelle', Richard admitted, his voice soft. 'The army has refused me permission to do so. I have to report for duty in London in a week and then I will travel to France in April.'

'But you promised me', Michelle cried. 'You promised Richard, you swore that you would sell your commission and settle in the country, probably near Allie so we could see her to our heart's content…', her voice trailed off.

'I apologise', she said, not meeting his eyes. 'I overstep, you have made no such promises to me. I assume too much-'

'No', Richard interrupted fiercely. 'No, you assume correctly, all the dreams I shared with you, I want to make them come true with you by my side. I don't know how it happened, or rather I know exactly how it happened, but I fell in love with you, Michelle. I fell so hard and fast that I had crashed to the bottom before I even realised I was falling.'

'Oh, Richard', tears ran down Michelle's cheeks. 'I love you too, my heart.'

Richard smiled through the tears pricking his eyes, wiping her cheeks with tender fingers. He touched his forehead to hers, as his eyes closed. Their breaths mingled and noses touched, as Michelle slowly rose up on her toes to bring her lips to his. Their lips touched and Richard was home. She was his confidante, his closest friend, his hope. She was his Ithaca. He was Odysseus, finally back to his Penelope.

Richard cradled her face in his hands as he laid sweet kisses on her eyes, her cheeks, her nose, ending with a soft kiss on forehead. Michelle's eyes were still closed as he pulled back. He traced her features with his fingers as if memorising each line, each curve. Michelle opened her eyes and smiled at him, all the stars in the universe twinkling in her eyes.

How was he to break her heart when she looked like this? So he did something he was ashamed of, he said nothing and followed her inside.

11th February, 1808

Niklaus' Study,

Stanway House,

Gloucestershire

'Are you insane, Richard?', Niklaus shrieked. 'Why haven't you told her the truth? God, I wish Alina was here, she would smack some sense into you.'

Richard had spent a lovely three days visiting Michelle and her mother. They had dined together every night, gone to the village for sweets and books, taken walks in the countryside and talked to their heart's content. All through this, Richard's secret had been festering at the back of his mind but he just couldn't bring himself to spill everything to Michelle. Everytime he psyched himself to tell Michelle the full truth, her smile would make his resolve falter.

Niklaus had returned from Milton Hall the previous night. He had not expected to find Richard here in Gloucestershire and he had certainly not expected to find Michelle gazing at him all starry eyed and hoping for a marriage proposal before he left. She had been positively giddy when she had confided this in Niklaus and Niklaus had wanted to throttle Richard immediately. Hence, he had invited everyone to dine at Stanway House that night and cornered Richard in his study post dinner.

'I'm going to tell her', Richard said. 'I just couldn't bring myself to shatter the hope in her eyes. I leave tomorrow, and I thought I would tell her tonight.'

'That's incredibly selfish, Richard', Niklaus looked at him like he didn't know who he was. 'You've led her on, taken advantage of the fact that she thinks that you are getting married, and now you'll tell her the truth and leave, away from the heartbreak you caused! You should have told her the truth on the first day itself and then given her time to ask you questions, to grieve the death of her hopes, and to take out some of her anger and pain on you, because you certainly deserve it!'

Before Richard could say anything, Niklaus rang the bell for his butler. 'Simmons', he commanded as soon as the bell was answered, 'bring Miss Harrington right this instant. Tell her mother that I need to speak to her privately.'

'Certainly, my lord', Simmons bowed and left the room. Richard and Niklaus waited in silence for Michelle. Richard tried to say something a couple of times, but Niklaus stopped him by holding up his hand. 'I don't want to listen to anything you have to say, Richard. Save your words for Michelle.'

'Nik, what's going on?' Michelle had entered the room to see Niklaus glaring hatefully at Richard. If looks could kill, Richard would already be six feet under.

'Richard has something to tell you', Niklaus bit out. He motioned at Richard to continue.

'Niklaus, this is a private conversation between us', Richard replied. 'Please give us some privacy.'

'No Richard', Niklaus sounded one step away from throttling Richard. 'I don't trust you anymore after what you've done, coming here without informing me and leading Michelle on for three days. Would you have told her if I didn't come home in time and didn't force you to? Would you?!'

'Of Course I would, you prat', Richard yelled. 'I fucking love her, you bastard. I just didn't want to break her heart. You think if I could, I wouldn't marry her this very instant?! It's killing me to let go of the dream I had of both of us living an idyllic life in the country-'

'What are you both on about?' Michelle cried. 'Can you speak in clear terms?'

'Michelle', Richard took a deep breath before turning to face the girl he loved, the girl he was sure he would lose once this conversation was over. 'The work I'm going to do in France is of an indefinite duration, it can take years. And it's dangerous. I cannot take you with me. Hell, I cannot even promise you that I'm going to come back alive. I guess, what I'm trying to get at is, that I cannot marry you, Michelle. You deserve better.'

'I don't care, Richard', Michelle pleaded. 'I don't want to marry anybody except you. I'd rather have days with you than years with somebody else.'

'You don't know what you're asking for Michelle', Richard sighed. 'We don't even have time to get married in Gretna Green, I have to leave for London in the morning. And then what? I'm not sure if I'll even remain in London until I leave for France. I cannot tell you anything about my job, I don't have any time to spend with you, and once I leave tomorrow, I cannot even guarantee when, or rather if we'll see each other again. This is not a marriage.'

'Then, I'll wait for you', Michelle suppressed the sobs bubbling up in her throat. 'I'll wait for you however long it takes. I told you, it's you or no one else. I love you and I don't see that changing in the near future.'

Niklaus dropped his face into his hands. Why had he helped them correspond in the first place?

Richard approached Michelle, standing so close that she had to crane her neck up to meet his eyes. 'I don't want you to wait for me, Michelle', he said firmly. 'I want you to live your life, I want to enjoy your season in London, dance and flirt with gentlemen and find a nice man to marry. Any one of them will offer you a better life than I can, Michelle. You and I are not meant to be, Michelle, no matter how much I wish otherwise.'

Michelle pushed at his chest angrily. 'Why did you call me here when you've already unilaterally decided what is best for the both of us? And I am just supposed to nod my head like a good girl and accept the fate that you have chosen for us? Don't my feelings and opinions matter at all? Why do you get to make the choice for me?' She pushed him hard with each question, until the back of his thighs collided with Niklaus' desk.

'Say something', Michelle shook his shoulders. 'Tell me why I should listen to you, when you clearly don't care about what I think?'

'I care, Michelle', Richard admitted, his voice hoarse. 'I care too much. It's killing me to do this, to leave you when I've only just found you. But I have to do my duty and it would break me to know that you were suffering waiting for me. I cannot offer you anything right now except worry and suffering-'

'What about your family then?' Michelle's nostrils flared. 'Won't they be plagued by worry and suffering? What will they do? Will you ask them to move on as well?'

'They don't have a choice, Michelle', Richard said cruelly. 'But you do. And they'll have partners to share their burden with.' He looked at Niklaus as he said this and Nik snarled in response. 'I swear Richard Fitzwilliam, if you even allude to it ONE MORE TIME-'

Richard ignored Nik's outburst. 'And if I kept thinking that you were waiting for me, and that I had to get back to you as soon as possible, it would distract me from the job at hand. I already don't want to do this and having you wait for me would just make it harder.'

'You know what Richard Damien Adrian Fitzwilliam?' Michelle poked his chest with each word. 'I wager that you'll end up thinking of me and getting distracted anyway. You will come back home, hoping and praying that no one caught my fancy and you will be on your knees begging my forgiveness. And then I'll tell you that you were right, that I did deserve better, that I deserved a man who was willing to fight as hard for me as I was for him. Good luck with your mission, Lieutenant Colonel. I hope the country realises and appreciates just what you have sacrificed for her today.'

Richard grasped her hand before she could turn away from him and pulled her to him. He gently brought his hands to cradle her face, stroking her tear stained cheeks with his thumb.

'Can I kiss you, Michelle?', he whispered. 'One last time?'

'It's not the last time', Michelle shot back, before she pulled his head to hers. This kiss was different from the others they had shared, this one was filled with desperation, with need, with emotions they both couldn't vocalise.

Richard tore his lips from hers, breathing heavily, as he placed butterfly kisses on her jaw, down her throat and Michelle arched her neck-'

'Hey, hey, hey', their embrace was interrupted by Niklaus who gently pushed them apart. 'You both just shouted to the heavens that you wouldn't marry each other so you should stop before you compromise each other-'

Richard growled at him but he was soon distracted as Michelle dropped a sweet kiss on his cheek. 'Come back to me, Richard Fitzwilliam',she ordered. 'Our dream will come true, it may take longer than we expected, but it will.'

12th February, 1808

Ladies Mile,

Hyde Park,

London

'Are you sure this will work?' Robert asked Alina for the umpteenth time as they stood near one end of the Ladies Mile.

'Robert', Alina groaned exasperatedly. 'What do you want me to do? I've told you a thousand times that I have arranged everything with Elizabeth. They'll meet us here, we'll walk down Ladies Mile, I'll gradually fall back with the Bennett sisters and you and Charlotte can have your conversation in peace. And Lady Allandale's ball went on till wee hours of the morning, as expected, and thus much of the Ton will still be abed, giving us relative privacy. Now, do you have any other questions?'

'I don't want to do this', Robert said, his shoulders slumping. 'I don't want to hurt her.'

'It's a little late for that, don't you think?' Alina replied seriously.

Robert looked at her balefully, but then straightened his shoulders when he saw Charlotte and the Bennett sisters approaching.

'Miss, I mean, Lady Alina', Mary Bennett sang as she skidded to a stop before them. 'It's been ages, hasn't it? It's been over a year since we saw you last and you have been very remiss with your letter writing, we haven't received a missive from you since December, really this is no way to conduct a correspondence-'

'Mary', Elizabeth interrupted, her face shining with amusement. 'Perhaps you might like to take a breath. And allow us to greet each other.'

Mary nodded so hard Robert was worried her head was going to fall off. 'Lord Milton', she said, dropping a little curtsy, 'sincerest apologies, supremely pleased to meet you! I believe you know my sister, Miss Elizabeth and our neighbour, Miss Lucas from our previous meeting in Hertfordshire.'

'Ladies', Robert bowed and they curtsied in response, with low murmurs of 'My Lord'. 'And I believe you know my sister Lady Alina.'

The ladies bowed their heads slightly at each other and smiled. Mary, however, stuck out her hand for Alina to shake.

Alina, though surprised, shook her hand. She raised a brow at Elizabeth in question. 'She's been spending a lot of time with my father and I'm afraid she has picked up some of his habits', Elizabeth explained, gently patting Mary's bonnet.

'Elizabeth', Mary cried reproachfully, 'I'm not a baby, don't pat my head! And gentlemen shake hands all the time, why cannot ladies do the same? I like shaking hands. A lot.'

She looked at all of them, as if daring them to challenge her. Robert grinned and held out his hand for Mary to shake. 'Miss Mary', he said seriously as she shook his hand, 'I'm honoured.' Mary blushed and grinned back at him.

Charlotte chuckled at their actions. It brought Robert's attention to her, and their eyes met. It was as if the rest of the world fell away and all that existed was just the two of them, in their own little bubble.

After a few moments of just standing there awkwardly as the two of them stared at each other, Alina cleared her throat. Charlotte started and turned to her. 'Miss Lucas', she said, 'if you don't mind my odious brother's company for some time, I would like to show Miss Elizabeth and Miss Mary something.'

Charlotte nodded and Alina gracefully steered the Bennett sisters further down the path.

'Is there something for us to see?' Mary skipped down the path. 'Or are you clearing the way for your brother to propose?'

'Mary Bennett', Elizabeth laughed. 'You've been reading too many romantic novels.'

'What can I say, sister', Mary said perkily, 'They are absolutely sensational.'

'And to think you wanted to purchase a copy of Fordyce when we met last time', Alina giggled. 'I would assure you, that was most certainly NOT sensational.'

'Since I didn't read it', Mary smiled, 'I cannot offer any opinion on the subject. Do you know Father gives me books to read each week and we have discussions on them once I finish them?'

'Oooooooh, that sounds splendid', Alina squealed. 'I wish I had someone to talk to about books. But no one in my family really reads..'

'You did have us', Elizabeth finally spoke. 'But then you stopped writing to us all of a sudden. What happened?'

'Yes, you didn't reply to any of my letters', Mary whined. 'That was not very well done of you.'

'My parents read my correspondence', Alina replied, her cheeks colouring. It was embarrassing to admit that she was sixteen and her parents read her letters. 'There was one letter you sent, in which you made a series of requests, which my parents really didn't like and they forbade me to write to you. I did tell Robert to pass on my message in his letters to Charlotte but he had stopped writing to her as well.'

'Requests?'Elizabeth was puzzled. 'I have never written to you with any requests.'

'It was me, I'm afraid', Mary said in a small voice. 'I was writing Miss Alina a letter and then Mother found me. Once she learned who you really were and that we were on good terms, she insisted that I include some "requests" in my letter..' Mary trailed off, looking guilty.

'They weren't anything outrageous', Alina reassured Mary. 'But my parents thought that Mrs. Bennett took our friendship to mean that she could ask them for social favours when they are not even acquainted-'

'I'm so sorry', Elizabeth interrupted, aghast. 'My mother means well, I promise you, she just goes overboard in her efforts to see us married and doesn't realise the impropriety of her actions. I promise you, this will never be repeated. But I don't think we should let her actions spoil our friendship. We really enjoy corresponding with you.'

'Please forgive me for my rudeness too', Alina grimaced. 'I cannot imagine what you must have thought of me when I stopped writing to you out of the blue.'

'Well, I did think that you had died', Mary said. 'And that made me very sad. But then Elizabeth said that I was too morbid so then I changed it to kidnapping. But Father's right, reality is rarely as exciting as fiction. I thought you were on a pirate ship to the Americas, instead you were at home, probably sulking because you couldn't write to your friends.'

'I was at home sulking', Alina laughed as they threw her arm around Mary's shoulders. 'But I shall sulk no more because I found the perfect way to explain to my parents why I should be allowed to write to you again.'

'Did you?' Elizabeth asked pertly, from Mary's other side.

'Oh yes', Alina grinned at her. 'It'll take only two words - Lady Catherine.'

'I don't understand, Miss Alina', Mary frowned.

'Leave it to me, Mary Bennett.' Alina smiled mischievously and patted Mary's laughed at Mary's disgruntled expression and taunted her as she started walking backwards- 'Catch me if you can, puss.'

'Now you've done it', Mary growled and gave chase as Alina broke into a light jog.

Elizabeth walked briskly behind them - 'Girls', she yelled. 'Can you stop behaving like children?!'

Her words were contradicted by the smile on her face. She smiled at Alina and Mary, as they rushed down the path, laughing and giggling. Mary was so different from the girl she had been a year ago. She seemed happier, more outgoing and much more like a girl her age. Elizabeth had given up on her middle sister, ascribing to her the same vapidness that plagued Lydia and Kitty. But meeting Alina had triggered a most welcome change in her sister, a change that in turn caused her father, rather famous for his benign neglect of his family, to take an interest in Mary and under their father's guidance, she had only blossomed. Elizabeth sighed contentedly as she followed Alina and Mary, she was very pleased with how this morning had gone indeed.

Meanwhile, a few paces and minutes back, Robert offered his arm to Charlotte and after a minute's hesitation, she wrapped her hand around his elbow.

They began walking and finally Robert broke the awkward silence between them - 'How are you, Charlotte?'

'I'm quite well', she replied quietly. 'How are you, my lord?'

'I'm well too', Robert said. 'I believe we dispensed with the formalities long ago, Charlotte, you can call me Robert.'

'Actually, I prefer my lord, if you don't mind.' Charlotte wouldn't meet his eyes.'I don't know where I stand with you at present, and thus I prefer maintaining formalities.'

'I'm sorry, Charlotte', Robert ran a hand down his face. 'I'm sorry if my correspondence misled you to think that I wanted to marry you-'

'Why else would you write to me?' Charlotte cried. 'Why would you write to a woman you had no relation, no acquaintance with, even distantly, unless you wanted to get to know me better, to court me through letters?'

'No, you are correct', Robert sighed. 'I did want to get to know you better, and court you with marriage in mind, but the more I got to know you, the more I admired and respected you and then I realised I couldn't do this to you.'

'Couldn't do this to me?' Charlotte repeated, baffled. 'Couldn't do what to me?'

'Charlotte..I', Robert trailed off. 'I don't know how to explain.'

'Well, you've been to Eton and Cambridge so I suggest you try', Charlotte sniped. 'Surely, they taught you enough words to make up sentences.'

Robert grinned at her ruefully.

'No, my lord', Charlotte scolded him. 'Do not distract me with that silly smile of yours, it's what got us into this trouble in the first place. I would never have written to you, if you didn't seem to be so nice and charming when we met.'

'Seem to be? My dear Charlotte, I am nice and charming.'

'That's debatable', Charlotte scoffed. 'You've ignored me for weeks after I asked you to explain your intentions. I don't think it was unreasonable of me, we had been writing to each other for almost a year at that point. If you changed your mind, you should have told me the truth, not left me hanging. You owed, no you owe me that much.'

'Please forgive me for my rude and thoughtless behaviour. I didn't have the courage to tell you that I had changed my mind.' Robert stopped walking and turned to face Charlotte. 'And you do deserve the truth, Charlotte. Please allow me to explain.'

Charlotte nodded her assent. Robert took a deep breath to steel himself and then launched into an explanation.

'When I met you Charlotte, I believed myself to be in love with someone else. Society would never allow us to marry and I had resigned myself to never marrying if I couldn't marry them. But when I met you, an idea occurred to me. You were an innocent, a country girl from a family with little influence. I believed that I could marry you in front of the world, make you my countess and the mother of my heir and carry on with my lover behind your back. But as I got to know you, I grew to respect and admire you and I realised that I could never treat you so disrespectfully.'

'Oh, that's rich coming from you', Charlotte said, as she yanked her hand from his arm, her eyes blazing with anger. 'You have been nothing but disrespectful since we met, Robert Fitzwilliam! You have deceived me in the worst way possible. And you don't even realise the irony. If you told me the truth earlier, if you told me that you wanted a, a, contract marriage of sorts, that you wanted me to be a wife only in name, I would have agreed. I would have jumped at the chance to marry, and a Viscount and a future Earl at that! I am clearly as desperate as you believed me to be!'

'I'm sorry Charlotte, I'm sorry for all of it!' Robert took a step towards her, his hands raised in surrender. 'I have treated you terribly and I know-'

'No, no, no', Charlotte chanted. 'Do not speak to me, do not look at me, I never want to see or hear from you again. Do you understand me? Never darken my doorstep again!'

She moved to leave but turned back at the last second. 'I hope you rot in hell, you bastard', she cursed and slapped him across the face. Robert looked at her in surprise, his cheek stinging. He would not have expected the mild mannered Charlotte Lucas to slap him, much less curse at him.

Charlotte's face was red with anger, her eyes awash with tears. They ran down her cheeks in tiny rivulets. 'I never, ever, ever want to see your face again', she gasped. Before Robert could say anything, she had hiked up her skirts and run as fast as she could in the direction the girls had gone in. He sighed as he followed her at a more sedate pace. He couldn't leave her alone in the state that she was in. The park was deserted as far as he could see but one never knew in London, unsavoury characters could be anywhere.

Elizabeth was watching Alina and Mary joke around with a serene expression on her face when Charlotte ran up to her, out of breath and her face streaked with tears.

'Elizabeth', she gasped. 'I want to go home. I want to go home right now.'

'Charlotte, what has happened?' Elizabeth took in Charlotte's dishevelled appearance. 'Were you attacked? Did Lord Milton..?

'Elizabeth. I. Want. To. Go. Home.' Charlotte bit out. 'Please don't ask any questions and just come with me.'

'No, you are not walking home in this state.' Robert said as he joined them, Charlotte immediately twisted away from him as Elizabeth looked on in puzzlement. 'Alina and I came here in our carriage, please allow us to escort you home.'

'I'm not going anywhere with you', Charlotte yelled. 'I want to go home.'

'And that is where we will take you', Robert replied patiently. 'Do not worry, you won't even have to look at my face, I will be riding outside with the driver.'

Charlotte shook her head mutinously. 'Charlotte', Elizabeth suggested carefully. 'Regardless of what has happened between the two of you, he's right. You are in no state to walk home. If you don't want to travel with Lord Milton, we can take a Hackney from outside the park.'

Attracted by the spirited discussion that seemed to be taking place between the three of them, Alina and Mary walked up to them.

'What is wrong?' Mary asked, looking between the three of them.

'Charlotte's not feeling well', Elizabeth explained. 'We should leave for home.'

'You look faint, Miss Lucas', Alina said. 'Please allow us to escort you home.'

'It's not necessary', Charlotte waved her suggestion away. 'We'll take a Hackney carriage from outside.'

'No, please Miss Lucas', Alina requested. 'You don't have any maid with you and you are new to London. Please let us take you home. It'll be no bother, I assure you!'

'Yes, please Charlotte', Mary cried. 'I really don't want to get kidnapped, I've only just started my latest book!'

Charlotte looked at Mary and sighed, before she nodded at Alina. 'Thank you, Lady Alina.'

The five of them made their way out of the park, all of them subdued due to the dark cloud hanging over Charlotte and Robert's heads, except Mary who was chattering away to glory.

'And then, you wouldn't believe', Mary was saying, 'the cake toppled over in Mama's lap. She was so furious, she looked like one of Hades' furies! Lydia got the hiding of her life, I tell you and it was certainly well deserved. Is anyone even listening to me?!'

They all murmured their assent and Mary continued on happily, completely obtuse to the sombre mood of the party. Alina looked at Robert and Charlotte as they walked as far away from each other as possible. Things had gone very badly indeed. She had hoped this meeting would help them reconcile but it seemed to have finished whatever vestiges of friendship were left between them for good.

14th February,

Lord Milton's Study

Fitzwilliam House

London

'Robert', Richard said as he paced in front of the fire. 'You know that I met Maxmillian right?'

Robert nodded listlessly from his position on the sofa.

'He implied that you and Lord Byron were lovers', Richard continued, clenching his hands into fists. He really didn't want to have this conversation with Robert. 'Is that true?'

Robert looked at Richard for a long moment, before he nodded again. 'Yes, I'm afraid it's true.'

'But you were writing to that girl in Hertfordshire', Richard exclaimed. 'I thought you were planning on marrying her.'

'I thought so too,'Robert said sadly. 'But then I realised that I couldn't deceive her so.'

'Does that mean..?' Richard trailed off, leaving his question incomplete.

'Yes Richard', Robert sighed. 'I prefer the company of men.'

'Does Father know?'

'What do you think, Dick?'

'You don't understand, Robert', Richard ran a hand through his hair frustratedly. 'Maximilian knows and he implied that your and Byron's relationship was common knowledge. This can affect Alina and Maximilian is not above using it to blackmail you if he wants something from you. You really need to tell Father.'

'I don't want to tell him', Robert replied. 'I understand your concern and I'll be on the lookout for anything nefarious. You have my word - I'll tell Father at the first sign of trouble. But not before then, not unless it is absolutely necessary.'

'Why? I know he won't take it well, but you know that he will not forsake you or treat you differently, you must know that', Richard entreated.

'While I do prefer the company of men', Robert explained. 'I find that I can find females attractive as well, certainly not as much or as often as men, but I can be with a woman. I'm hoping I can find a woman I like enough to marry and then father would never have to find out.'

'Robert', Richard sighed, as he flopped down beside his brother. 'Being grown up is no fun at all.'

Robert laughed bitterly before he turned to look at his brother. 'Are you going to be fine, Richard?'

'I don't know Robbie', Richard sighed sadly. 'Are you going to be fine?'

'I don't think so Dick', Robert grunted.

'I think we both need a drink', Richard said. 'Let's go to the club for one?'

'Yes, let's.'

24th February 1808

Alina's Chamber,

Fitzwilliam House,

London

My Dear Michelle,

I hope my latest missive finds you in the best of spirits and health. I know I wrote to you just a week ago, but I have loads of news to share. Mother hosted a soiree last week and I was allowed to attend it because it was at home. It seems I have been missing out on a lot of society gossip because Richard seems to have become a darling of the Ton! Matchmaking mamas are firmly focused on Robert because he is the heir, but their daughters are mad after Richard. They all keep tittering about how dangerous he looks - he has a scar on his face now, and wears his hair in a queue. A lot of them approached me in the hopes that they could meet Richard through me, my brother however avoided them and thus me, like the plague, preferring to converse with the men. This only drove the ladies crazier and one was even forward enough to ask him to dance with her! The nerve! Also, you'll never guess who turned up at this humble soiree - William and Caroline Lamb. She was quite taken with Richard and kept flirting with him throughout the evening. Richard had an unpleasant expression on his face throughout their conversation but that did not seem to deter her in the least. I got a few unpleasant comments on my eyes as usual, but I assure you I have become quite proficient in ignoring them. I miss you, Michelle. I cannot wait for summer to finally see you!

I await your reply to my previous letter.

Your friend,

Alina

P.S. Please give my regards to Niklaus when you see him.

A/N : Omg, this is possibly the longest chapter I have ever written for this story with 7k words. I know a lot happened in this chapter. I hope I was able to portray Robert's sexuality sensitively. Robert had always been bisexual in my head, and Lord Byron, who is mentioned as having had an affair with Robert in this chapter and the previous one, was allegedly bisexual too. He also had an affair with Lady Caroline Lamb who is mentioned in this chapter. You can read up on Lord Byron, he was definitely an interesting person. We'll be seeing some more of Lord Byron as Alina enters society.

As for what happened between Robert and Charlotte, I believe he wanted her to be his wife and beard but once he is became good friends with her, he could not bring himself to deceive her so he merely ghosted her instead. And then told her the truth on a random day without sufficient grovelling for forgiveness. What an idiot! But don't give up on him dear reader, this blackguard should surely be redeemed.

See you soon! Don't forget to leave a review!