Exploration
Vulnerability
Since Eimi left, Daisuke had bathed and eaten what he thought of as a sad sack meal. Instead of using the campus dining plan he had already paid for, he went off campus, grabbed a few friends as a distraction, and stuffed his face with ramen.
And now, with his physical needs met and his mood bolstered by his pals, Daisuke full body collapsed onto his bed, like belly flopping into a pool. His roommate was out- at this point, Daisuke suspected that he was a cryptid who only appeared in the small hours to sleep. Most people would probably consider that lucky, but Daisuke preferred more companionship.
Well. It did, at least, leave his room free for hook ups.
The stray thought made him groan. Daisuke rolled over with all the enthusiasm of a slug, so that his back was on the mattress. He fished his cell phone from his pocket. Contact Koushiro or Ken? He chose the easier option. As with soccer and sex, the wise warmed up first.
It was difficult to catch Koushiro for a phone call, but if Daisuke messaged him on a chat program, he'd see the alert on one of the several monitors currently pointed at his face. Eloquently, Daisuke led with, Hey.
As predicted, a trail of dots populated on the messenger app. Good evening. How can I help you?
You sound like an AI help bot on a business web page. Daisuke snorted, amused by his own joke.
Thank you. It was a pity the text couldn't convey Koushiro's probable expression: thick brows heavy above unimpressed eyes, all hovering over a polite scowl.
Don't look at me like that! Daisuke decided that he was on a roll. I'm trying to set you up with a cute girl!
This pause was far longer than the last, and though he was alone in a drab dorm room, Daisuke laughed. Daisuke-kun. What.
The period at the end sent him. After allowing himself time for laughter, Daisuke replied, Just what I said! I met this girl who I think would hit it off with you. You're looking for a significant other, right?
Daisuke-kun. Again, Daisuke imagined the exact face and tone Koushiro would have used, if possible. By now, he was likely drooped forward, cupping his forehead with his palm.
Hey, I'm doing you a favor! She's great!
Have you considered dating her, then?
Nah, was Daisuke's honest response. We're not compatible. She likes nerdy stuff and is a homebody, like you.
The next pause dragged on for so long that Daisuke began to worry. I don't know, Koushiro responded at last. I tried online dating, and... I don't do well with the first date.
Daisuke nodded, as if Koushiro could see. As he had explained to Eimi, Koushiro wasn't the best in one on one situations with strangers- especially when there were romantic connotations. A few people in their mutual friend group had tried to set Koushiro up over the years, until he requested that they stop.
I know. I wouldn't suggest this if I didn't think it could work out.
Is she really interested in meeting me, or did you push?
Geez, Koushiro! She's interested, okay? All I did was describe you! She said you definitely sound like someone she could be friends with, at least. So don't be nervous. Just think of it as meeting a new friend.
Well... I suppose I can't say no to that. Give me her number, and I'll reach out.
You won't regret it! You're going to love her. Or at least like her. In a friend way. You get it.
Yes. This time, Daisuke guessed that Koushiro was being dry, probably offering his screen a tight grin beneath put-upon eyes.
Daisuke sent Eimi's name, number, and photo before Koushiro could back out.
XXX
Izumi Koushiro sat at his desk in a dim dorm room, staring at the mobile phone cupped in his hands. The display showed a stranger's face, a girl his age with brown hair and brown eyes. Anami Eimi, apparently. She looked… Friendly. Nice. At least, the smile that lit her eyes suggested so.
He heaved a sigh, the only sound in the room besides the churning of his computer's fan. After so many awkward blind dates, followed by so few second dates, the only emotion he could dredge up was dread. He stared at the girl he was likely to soon disappoint.
Koushiro almost opened the chat program again, to demand questions of Daisuke. Are you sure she likes nerdy stuff, as you called it? Do you mean pop culture and video games, or science, math, and technology? Does she know not to expect much from me?
Somehow, he resisted the urge. If he spoke to Daisuke like that, all he'd receive was an unwanted lecture on self-confidence. Apparently, this Eimi was fine with a platonic meeting. Although they were wildly different, Koushiro loved Daisuke as a friend. If he thought he would click with Eimi, then Koushiro was willing to trust that.
And if things went poorly, at least he could complain to Daisuke and absolutely insist on no further matchmaking.
XXX
Ichijouji Ken sat at his desk in his dorm room, studying. He glanced away from his textbook as his phone's display flashed. When he saw the name on the text push notification, his heart faltered.
Daisuke.
The textbook page ruffled as Ken lunged for the phone, and his pencil clacked against the desk. Ken grabbed the device with both hands and unlocked it. Daisuke's text was a meager three words, but it set his heart stumbling. Can we talk?
Seconds ticked by as Ken stared at the screen, half hoping that more texts would populate, half fearing it. It had been over a week since Daisuke contacted him, which wasn't like them at all. They were hookup partners, nothing more. But they had texted daily for nearly four months, now.
All of a sudden, there were no stupid memes that Ken usually didn't understand in his inbox, no friendly nothings, no drunken nonsense. No inquiries about how he was feeling and how his day was. No invitations to Daisuke's room.
And all because Ken dared hope for something more.
If scowls could break electronics, then Ken's phone would be toast. He had no fucking idea how he felt. Was he mad at himself for ruining a fun, easy, amazing hookup situation? Or was he mad at Daisuke for ghosting him the moment he made himself vulnerable? And why the hell didn't he know? How was he supposed to answer Daisuke when he didn't have his bearings on the situation, and was so far up in his emotions that he didn't know the way down?
It's been a while. Ken stared at his response, thumb hovering over the send icon. The petty, bitter, hurting part of him was giddy to thrust and twist that knife. But the kind, gentle part couldn't bear to do that to Daisuke, even if he maybe deserved it.
About time. Was that better? That wasn't better. Ken erased his second attempt and landed on, Sure.
He wouldn't take a cheap dig at Daisuke, but he sure as hell didn't have to help him out.
Ken managed a tiny grin as a pause lagged on. Daisuke wasn't the type to ruminate on his words. He was likely aware that he was fucked, and not in the fun way. Ken waited, watching those dots form and fade, enjoying his first taste of having the upper hand in this situation.
I fucked up. I'm sorry.
That smug feeling vanished, taking the breath from Ken's lungs with it. He wasn't sure what he expected, but it wasn't that.
I shouldn't have avoided you like that. I did it because I was scared. I'm sorry.
Still staring at the screen, Ken stood. He was winded, and was forced to steady himself with a palm against the desk. When his legs felt steady, he wobbled to his bed- turns out he wasn't actually steady- and splattered onto it.
Ken rolled to his side and held his phone in front of his face. The world reduced to the screen, to the lifeline suddenly connecting him to Daisuke once more. I thought you'd never contact me again. The words weren't meant to cause pain. They encapsulated vulnerability, hurt.
Shit, was Daisuke's instant response. I'm sorry. I'm an idiot.
Can I call you? Ken thanked his lucky stars that his roommate was spending the night with his girlfriend. If ever he had a need for privacy, it was now.
On it. A moment later, the phone rang. Anxiety rolled over Ken's nervous system, but so did the far more welcome emotion of excitement. Ken accepted the call and shoved the phone to his ear.
"Hey." What the heck else was Ken supposed to say? His pulse fluttered, and yet- Well, he was still pissed. The combination was weird, potent, undeniable. If nothing else, he felt alive, as he always did when Daisuke was around.
"Ken. Shit, it's good to talk to you."
The comforter bunched between Ken's clenched fingers. He shut his eyes, as if he couldn't stand further stimulus beyond Daisuke's voice- or as if he wanted none besides it. "Daisuke... You're the one who..."
"Yeah." Daisuke's voice was gruff, subdued. Not at all the vibrant one Ken knew. "I know."
"Then why..." Ken found himself unable to speak, although whether the issue was physical or mental was impossible to say. Words crumbled to ash in his brain, and his throat seemed far too numb for speech. "Why call me now?"
A long, choppy breath burst into static from Daisuke's end of the line. "A friend noticed that something was wrong with me. We talked it out, and... I realized... God, Ken. What if I never called you again because I was afraid? Would I really have been that stupid?"
"You're not stupid." Ken saw Daisuke as the opposite of what he feared: brave and smart. Someone who trusted his instincts and always acted as if the best case scenario would come to be. So what paralyzed him? Could Ken really believe that fear, not repulsion, caused him to walk away from his offer to date? "I don't understand, though. What were you afraid of?"
That wasn't quite true. Ken was shaking when he asked Daisuke to be his boyfriend, so clearly, there was something to fear. He knew Daisuke had several casual partners, and that he might not be interested in dating Ken, even if it wasn't exclusive. He knew that just asking might tank a good thing- one of the best things in his life.
But Ken also knew that he couldn't keep loving Daisuke in small bursts. He couldn't be casual about it, not without lying to himself. He didn't know what that meant for their future, and that scared him as much as confessing did. More, actually.
So what was there for Daisuke to fear, with his handful of casual partners to fall back on?
"You know, a few weeks ago, I probably would have asked the same question. But now..."
"What do you mean?" Ken demanded.
Daisuke heaved a huge, weary sigh. "I wish I were better at talking. Um... I care about the people I'm with. If I didn't like them, then I wouldn't want to spend time with them."
Ken scowled at the off-white wall. Daisuke was open about his hookup partners from the beginning, and tested himself regularly at the campus clinic for safety. Ken agreed to hookup with him knowing those terms, and he made it clear that he also had another partner. Initially, he simply found Daisuke attractive, and was eager to explore the same-sex attraction that he just recently found the courage to pursue.
But now, Ken was with Daisuke because he was radiant, because he believed in everyone and thought the best of everybody. For someone like Ken, who struggled with pessimism and self-loathing, his presence was as soothing and bright as the sun's.
So, yeah. He liked Daisuke, and he liked Miyako, his other partner. But Daisuke liked a lot of people. What did that mean for Ken and his feelings? Was it better to accept slivers of Daisuke's time and attention, or to take a risk in the hopes of more? The question was moot, now. At least he could get some closure, or maybe beg for a return to what they had before.
"Right." Ken sounded winded, wounded. Daisuke sucked in a breath.
"No, let me finish! I mean- Shit. I'm coming over, okay? Be there in under five."
Before Ken could reply, the call cut off. Ken sat up, blinking at his phone. Dazed, he glanced around the room, then leaped to his feet and began tidying. Daisuke wouldn't care if his room was messy- that would frankly be hypocritical- but Ken wanted to impress, if he could. Mostly, though, he needed to do something, anything, to keep his mind off Daisuke's impending appearance. He was shaking, and at a loss to do a damned thing about it.
There was a knock on the door, and Ken flinched. Daisuke lived just one building over, but still, he must have run to get here this fast. The second rap, louder, rougher, knocked Ken out of a daze. He opened the door and found Daisuke doubled over, wheezing.
"Ken," Daisuke gasped. When he straightened, he wiped the sweat from his brow with his bare forearm. He leaned forward so fast that Ken flinched back. This made room for Daisuke to enter, and he did, shutting the door behind him.
Daisuke grabbed both of Ken's shoulders hard enough to ache. "Let me finish," he said, as if they were still on the phone and he hadn't just burst unexpectedly into Ken's room. "I like my partners. I know what that feels like. But how I feel about you… It, it's… Different. And that… It scares me. A lot."
A sharp breath was all Ken could manage. He tried to catch Daisuke's gaze, as if to verify his impossible words, but he was looking away, shoulders hunched. Ken tugged on Daisuke's shirt until those cinnamon colored eyes met his. They were uncertain, vulnerable beneath crumpled brows.
"S-sorry," Daisuke muttered. "If that's. I don't know. Pathetic."
A wobbly laugh spilled from Ken's lips. "If you're pathetic, then so am I. I'm scared, too." Somehow, Ken's hands were under Daisuke's shirt, stroking his stomach, sliding up. Daisuke was like a human furnace, skin hot and comforting. His soft, low moan turned Ken's brain to mush. "We, we should talk this out." But his fingers explored Daisuke's broad chest. His heartbeat drummed into Ken's touch, rhythmic, picking up speed.
"After?" Daisuke almost panted the suggestion. He pulled Ken into him, and the impact left him breathless. This close, Ken couldn't help noticing that Daisuke was rock hard. The observation that he was, too, followed shortly after.
How? No foreplay, no nothing. He just shows up, spouts a few sentences, and I can barely think, barely breathe. "We, we should…" The last thing Ken wanted was to get his hopes up, only to have everything shatter in the conversation after. But right now, his hopes, his logic, and even his feelings didn't matter. Everything was woozy, hot, urgent. It thrilled and frightened in equal measure.
Ken bridged the space between them for a brainless, messy kiss. In humans, the sense of balance is generated by fluid-filled canals in the inner ears, covered with hair-like sensors. Those sensors were all that told Ken up from down as he and Daisuke collapsed on his bed. The world and everything in it reduced to Daisuke, on his hands and knees on top of him. Ken caught a glimpse of his need, desire bordering on pain, before Daisuke kissed him hard enough to ache. His hips rose, meeting Daisuke's, grinding against him.
"Fuck." Daisuke's next kiss was gentle, adoring, which somehow made Ken's head spin more than the aggressive making out. Abruptly, Daisuke sat up and ripped off his shirt. A whimper ricocheted up Ken's throat, but somehow, he caught it behind his teeth. Greedily, entranced, he soaked up the image before him.
Daisuke, shirtless, straddling Ken's hips and swaying just enough to stimulate them both through what was suddenly far too much fabric. His hair was tousled, his chest rising and falling with shallow breaths. He was a fit, physical young man, toned, primed, tanned. Exceptionally ready to take what Ken was desperate to give.
Generally, Ken thought of himself as a reasonable sort, not inclined to flights of fancy. And, like Daisuke, he had casual partners- or rather, he had two total. There was no reason to act so damned thirsty, so needy. Yet here he was, scrambling to rip his shirt off while pinned on his back by Daisuke's weight.
"C'mon." Daisuke's voice was gruff, almost growly. He rose long enough to wriggle out of his shorts, and Ken stripped alongside him. Then, their clothes were puddles on the tile floor, and Daisuke was on top of him again, pressing him into the mattress, his skin like fire in the drafty room. Goosebumps erupted over Ken as he lifted his body against Daisuke's, as if getting closer to him was somehow possible.
Well. Technically, it was, in a way.
"I missed you so fucking much." The strangled emotion in Daisuke's voice registered through the haze of arousal. Ken blinked and cupped Daisuke's face, trying to get a read on his feelings. His eyes were shut tight, blocking access.
"H-hey." Ken's voice was rough, weak. Talking was not his current activity of choice, but for Daisuke… He'd manage. Tenderly, he ran his thumb over his cheek.
Those beautiful cinnamon eyes slid open with obvious reluctance. "I'm so sorry. You were trying to reach out to me, and I- I fucking ran away. I'm sorry."
"We'll work it out," Ken murmured. "It will be okay. But first, um." It wasn't that he couldn't ask for sex, not exactly. But easing into that mindset took time, and everything was happening so fast.
Daisuke usually reveled in teasing him, pushing him, but today, he nodded, all seriousness. "Whatever you want. Anything you want."
'Whimper' was likely the best word for the sound that slid out of Ken, but he adamantly refused to apply the label. He rocked his hips, sliding his groin against Daisuke's. Taking the hint without comment, bless him, Daisuke wrapped his hand around both of their members. "Just this?" he murmured as he pumped his hand once, twice down their lengths.
Oh, he wanted far more than a hand job, but preparing for penetrative sex took time and care that Ken was far too worked up to expend. "To start," he confirmed. The crooked grin that spread over Daisuke's face made Ken's heart do a weird flip. Flip morphed to somersault when Daisuke kissed him, a bit too hard to be called tenderly, but still conveying that softness.
Ken groped for the desk drawer closest to his bed. Daisuke's lips curled into a grin against his. "Lube?"
Scowling, self-conscious of being so overeager, Ken twisted his torso to open the drawer. He selected a bottle and squeezed it over Daisuke's offered palm. He wanted to push back, to say something snotty or pithy, but when Daisuke spread the warming gel over their members, all he managed was a moan.
He felt as much as heard Daisuke's breath hitch, his chest jerking up. Pleasure jolted over Ken as Daisuke's warm hand slid up and down, up and down, lubricating and stimulating. Ken's hands slid along Daisuke's back, pushing down as his body rose into his. Closer, closer. More, more.
Frankly, asking Daisuke to focus on him instead of both of them would have been more efficient. Rocking their hips together, sliding against one another inside Daisuke's slick hand, was clumsy. But it didn't occur to Ken to request changes, not for a second. All he wanted, all that mattered, what feeling his body against Daisuke's. He didn't need skill, or even to get off, although he was rocketing in that direction.
What he needed was intimacy. The familiar scent of Daisuke's body, his comforting weight on top of him, the sounds he made, even the scritch of his stubble against Ken's cheek. Even the rapidly drying sheen of sweat transferring from Daisuke to Ken after his dash here.
And, at last, Ken let go. It didn't matter if Daisuke knew how much he needed him, how easily he wrecked him. Let him know, let him see. But most of all, let him be here, doing exactly this.
Their glans slid together, and Daisuke gently squeezed, adding delicious pressure. Ken's head fell back as his hips jerked up. Daisuke cursed, then bit Ken's exposed neck. He knew how hard he could go without leaving a mark- and how to do that, too, when Ken requested it.
Ken writhed, enjoying the sting of pain almost as much as the surge of pleasure. Having found an angle, motion, and pressure that worked, Daisuke wasted no time in seizing the advantage. Ken moved his weight to the heels of his feet, pushing up into Daisuke, grinding his dick against his. "Love," Daisuke panted. "Fuck, you're, you're beautiful."
Ken's mind blanked. He didn't hear his urgent moan, didn't feel his nails digging into Daisuke's back. There was tipping over the edge, and there was torpedoing over it; he most definitely did the latter. Heat splashed over his stomach as he came, shaking and clinging to Daisuke, stunned by the force of his release as much as by the pleasure. The anxiety coiling within him since he and Daisuke last spoke came undone, leaving a profound stillness.
When he blinked back into focus, Daisuke was heavy on top of him, desperately stroking himself against Ken's softening member. With difficulty, Ken lifted his limp arms, cupped Daisuke's face, and gently tugged. Their eyes met and locked, with wild need on Daisuke's end, and sated tenderness on Ken's. Maybe Ken needed to push back after coming undone- maybe he'd believe that, if that's what he told himself. But there was a side to him that no one but Daisuke knew, a side that was rising to play now that Ken had the upper hand of post-nut clarity.
Ken had no idea if his smirk caused Daisuke's whine, or if he smirked in response to it. But that hint of vulnerability from the wider, more toned, more outgoing and in-charge man called to the whisper of mean within him.
"So needy," Ken drawled. One of his hands remained lovingly cupped against Daisuke's cheek. The other slid into his hair, pulled hard, and held. Daisuke was stronger and could free himself if he wanted to. Instead, he leaned into the rough touch as if it were a caress. His eyelids hung heavy and hooded while his jaw slacked.
Sadistic play was dicey territory when they didn't discuss it beforehand. Unplanned, Ken couldn't take it far. But Daisuke encouraged little tastes when the mood hit naturally, since Ken couldn't summon it at will or force it. And given Daisuke's expression, it was landing. The thrill of it raced down Ken's spine, pooled in his stomach, rushed to his groin. He realized that Daisuke had stopped stroking, although he still trembled.
Ken's smirk widened. "Looking for permission?" The words were taunting, but his delivery was far too warm. He couldn't push Daisuke, not now- but that didn't mean the play had to end, not necessarily. His grip on Daisuke's hair eased, and he affectionately scritched the spots he was just tugging. Run cold, run hot, sudden twists that disoriented and disarmed.
"Good boy. Go on, then."
Something changed in Daisuke's eyes. The shift from obedience to rebellion was instantaneous, like a spark setting kindling alight. He growled an obscenity, grabbed Ken's hips, and lifted. The lubricated hand went for his ass and pressed against his sphincter. Although he looked intense, and was certainly throwing Ken around a bit, Daisuke was gentle with his fingers. The end of a digit swirled against him, providing both warning and lubrication. Ken's breath hitched, and so did Daisuke's. He pumped himself with his other hand, and his low groan hinted that he was close.
"Go on." Ken caressed Daisuke's face, heart thudding as Daisuke's movements became more erratic, as his fingertip breached Ken.
This time, Daisuke held his gaze. Ken smiled, warmth and love and wanting. Moaning, Daisuke pressed their foreheads together and came, spreading his heat over Ken's skin. He hovered over Ken for a few beats, holding himself up with his forearms. Then, he sucked in a breath and shifted, collapsing beside him.
"Fuck," Daisuke breathed. "Let me sit for a minute. Then I'll clean us up, and we'll get back to it."
"Back to what?"
Daisuke cocked an eyebrow over a wolfish grin. "Getting you ready, obviously."
Ah.
Minutes passed as Ken listened to their breathing, as sweat cooled his skin. Daisuke groaned when he finally sat up and stumbled to the mini-fridge, where Ken kept a filter pitcher of water. He helped himself to a washcloth from Ken's closet, poured water onto it, and hissed as he placed the cold fabric on his skin.
When he was done, Daisuke returned to the bed and wiped Ken clean. Usually, Daisuke was tender and affectionate during the post sex cleanup, but today… He seemed to be avoiding eye contact. "Are you alright?" Ken asked.
Daisuke sighed. "Yeah, but. I don't know, kind of embarrassed? Worried, maybe. I promise, I'm not trying to use sex to avoid talking. It just…"
His cheeks tinted as he cleared his throat. "Happened," Ken supplied. "And I enjoyed it. Don't worry; we'll talk it out."
And though he kept his eyes on his task, Daisuke grinned. "Yeah. Yeah, good. Are you up for round two, or should we, like… Talk first?"
Truth be told, between the relief of Daisuke's arrival and the release of sex, Ken had all the structural integrity of taffy. Even so, he craved more intimacy. "Is soft and easy alright?"
Daisuke blew a raspberry, folded the washcloth, and set it on Ken's desk (sticky bit on the inside, something Ken had drilled into him). He returned to the bed, stretched out beside Ken, and wrapped an arm around his waist. His warm breath in his ear made Ken shiver. "Perfect."
"D-Daisuke…" Big, broad hands slid over Ken's hip, warm and reverent. Daisuke rolled to his side and scooted in, spooning him so his chest was flush to Ken's back. Ken sighed with pleasure as his head rolled onto Daisuke's shoulder. Daisuke was so warm, so comforting. He felt cocooned by him, safe and wanted.
"Relax," Daisuke murmured. "Take it easy. Let me take care of you."
Please take care of me. "Yes," Ken breathed instead, as that was less embarrassing- but only marginally. The way he full-body pressed into Daisuke, offering himself, surrendering to whatever he would do to him, communicated the sentiment far more eloquently than words could. Sometimes, Daisuke's preference for sexually spoiling Ken made him worry. Was he, what was the phrase? A pillow princess, or prince in this case? But if he expressed that doubt, one of two things would happen. Either they discussed what they wanted and went from there, or Daisuke shifted to aggressive play to assert his active role, beginning with memorized questions that gave Ken the chance to approve or veto.
In short, Ken had proof that Daisuke enjoyed giving over taking in bed. It was easier, and far more satisfying, to luxuriate in his attention than to fuss. And as Daisuke dropped lazy kisses over his shoulder and neck while his hands explored his body, Ken shuddered with appreciation.
Daisuke began, as he often did, with Ken's thighs. Ken was nowhere near a body builder, but he played soccer, hiked, walked, and did basic weight training daily. Daisuke loved his legs, loved squeezing to feel the toned muscles beneath skin. Predictably, his hands roamed to his ass next, squishing, stroking, and doing whatever else his heart desired. Daisuke slid two fingers between Ken's cheeks and groaned. When his hand fell away, Ken took the opportunity for an experimental butt wiggle, which yielded the discovery that Daisuke was very much ready to go.
Ken experienced zero surprise when Daisuke rotated towards the desk beside the bed. There was clattering and muttered cursing as Daisuke extricated a condom and lube from the top drawer. When he returned, Ken murmured, "Can you keep touching me?"
"Abso-fuckin-lutely. Gimme a sec." The ripping of the condom packet and the squirting of lube explained the delay. Sure enough, slick, wet fingers returned to his ass, gently pressing against his anus. Ken drew a deep breath, willing his body to relax. He was safe in Daisuke's hands, but the initial intrusion usually made him tense.
But as Daisuke worked his ass, he kissed along Ken's back, neck, and shoulder and caressed with the other hand. Ken melted into the attention, and when Daisuke finally stroked his member, he gasped a curse and seized Daisuke's hair. "Please." Asking for what he needed was no longer embarrassing, not without the capacity to remotely give a fuck- so long as he got fucked.
"God, I love you. Shh, don't push back." Ken was wiggling his ass into Daisuke's hand, which could cause pain or discomfort. A pity he was already stupid horny, and barely registered Daisuke's words. He tsked as Daisuke removed his fingers, an impatient scold that morphed to a gasp when Daisuke's glans replaced them.
"Don't push back," Daisuke repeated, with more bite this time. "Relax." A hand closed around Ken's hip, anchoring him as he tried, so desperately, to push Daisuke further into him. The sensation of being pinned down, forced to be still, only amped up Ken's excitement.
"Daisuke." Ken was way too far gone to identify the emotional notes in his voice. Strangled, frantic, whiny, needy. All applicable words, all meaningless in this moment. His heart thudded painfully against his ribs, and when Daisuke stroked his dick, as if to coax his attention away from pressing Daisuke deeper inside him, he cried out.
Daisuke ruffled Ken's hair and kissed the back of his neck. "Ken. I'll take care of you, but you can't rush this." Ken forced himself to go still. Heat flooded his face when the sound of his panting registered, but his embarrassment evaporated as Daisuke slowly pushed into him. "Good boy. That's it."
Pressure built within him, a sense of being uncomfortably full. It felt strange, it always did, but the promise of what would come, and the concept that Daisuke was inside him and taking pleasure in it, made even this part of sex exciting. Daisuke was always excruciatingly slow, moving millimeter by millimeter as he lavished caresses, kisses, and either compliments or whatever their play required. Ken drank it all in, until every neuron of his brain was focused on sensation. The wet sounds of Daisuke's lubed hand sliding over Ken's groin, the heat of his voice as he described how good he felt. Daisuke's hard, hot dick, the pressure inside him, the delightful tension of being pinned, immobile, to the mattress, of surrendering all control to his partner. The rush of his own pulse in his ears. These were all that existed to Ken- until Daisuke's glans hit his prostate.
His harsh, desperate cry suggested agony, the exact opposite of Ken's experience. His vision blanked, turning hot white. In his experience, prostate stimulation was A Lot. First, the uncomfortable, agonizingly slow preparation. Then, a pleasure so intense and focused that bearing the stimulus was nearly painful, despite how electrically incredible it felt. His ass, legs, and core trembled with the force of it. When his orgasm came- and it would come swiftly- he knew it would be ripped viscerally, almost violently, from his body.
Daisuke's hand clapped to his mouth, stifling further outbursts. "Shh! Neighbors!" Stunned, Ken managed half a nod. If he kept making those sounds, there would be a welfare check, a mortifying TikTok, whispers in the hallway, or all three. Ken felt the hot air of Daisuke's amused huff. "Now. Do you want my hand on your mouth or your dick?"
Daisuke removed his hand enough for Ken to answer. "Both." And Ken was incredibly proud of himself when he collected enough braincells to add, "Smart ass."
The slight growl beneath Daisuke's delighted "Hah!" had Ken groaning into his palm. Daisuke slapped his ass hard enough to make him yelp, again muted by his hand. Then, Daisuke rolled his hips into Ken, shifted his body weight to keep him pinned against the bed, and reached around to keep stroking him.
"If it hurts or you want to stop, smack me." Somehow, Ken managed to nod, distantly aware that Daisuke wouldn't continue without acknowledgment. Ken released conscious thought, or rather, it released him. Feeling was all he could manage, squashed between Daisuke and the mattress and stifled by his hand. Though the pleasure bordered on brutal, physically, Daisuke was gentle, always aware of the possibility of hurting him. But he maximized contact where it was most effective, grinding against that delicious, electric spot. There was no respite, nowhere to recover. Just waves of pleasure crashing closer and closer together until they overlapped, pulling him bodily under.
And suddenly, the hand clamped over his mouth was a very wise choice, restraining the keening cry that clawed free. The abruptness of Ken's climax ripped the breath from his lungs, cutting his voice off, and set him shaking. Bliss seemed a strange word for something so vivid, so severe, but no other descriptor suited the moments when Ken floated on pleasure, when the world snapped out of being.
The first thing he noticed when sense returned was the desperation of Daisuke's breathing, the fervid motion of his hips. "Ken," he panted. "Ken-"
And though he was utterly spent, Ken groaned as Daisuke's thrusts went erratic, unrestrained. Heat flooded his ass, and both men cursed, or maybe just oozed sounds that passed as filthy. Slowly, trembling, Daisuke slid free. Ken drew deep, shuddering breaths, suddenly unobstructed. The ache in his legs registered as he relaxed onto the bed- and violently swore.
Daisuke rolled off him with a gasped, "Oof! What?"
"Damn it," Ken snarled. "We forgot to put a towel down or put a condom on me."
Daisuke's snort of laughter died when Ken whipped towards him with a withering glare. "I'll wash your sheets," he meekly suggested.
The stupidity of it all made Ken grin. "How romantic. Do yours, too."
And just like that, Daisuke's teasing grin was restored. "Oh? You coming over?"
Ken cocked an eyebrow, but offered no response. He cursed as his wobbly hips ignored his suggestion to move. "Could you-"
Daisuke correctly interpreted Ken's reaching and tossed him the washcloth. Ken's moan had nothing to do with feeling sexy, and everything to do with his muscles refusing to cooperate as he lugged himself upright. He cleaned his skin as Daisuke removed and tied his condom. "I have a spare set of sheets."
Ken must have looked as spent as he felt, because Daisuke offered, "I'll change 'em." Ken didn't have the strength to argue. Hell, he wasn't sure if he had the strength to put on underwear and relocate to his desk chair.
"Where are your sheets?" Daisuke asked, hopping into his boxers.
It required all of Ken's focus to grunt, "Closet." He watched Daisuke's boxers snap into place as he finished his jump. Gods. Where does he get the energy?
Still groaning, Ken hauled himself to his feet and wobbled towards his underwear. Daisuke approached, arms overfull of sheets. Mentally cursing, Ken pulled on his boxer briefs, lugged himself to his desk chair, and collapsed upon it.
Shuffling sounds filled the room as Daisuke stripped the bed. With his broad back to Ken, he said, "So, uh... I guess we need to talk."
Ken swallowed hard. After that encounter, he was somewhat reassured that they could work something out. But what would that something look like? What would Daisuke, with his several casual partners, want from a more serious relationship?
"Yeah." Ken's acknowledgment was stiff, clipped.
Daisuke whirled around, pausing from rolling up the soiled sheet. "Ken- Don't worry. We'll figure it out. So just... Say what you need to say, okay?"
Ken nodded, but remained silent as Daisuke finished swapping the sheets. When he was done, he dropped the used set in Ken's hamper and asked, "Water?" Ken winced and began standing, but Daisuke waved him still. "I'll get it."
Daisuke returned to Ken's closet for the stacked cups he kept there and popped two free. He filled them from the pitcher in Ken's mini-fridge, handed a cup to Ken, and sat on the edge of his bed. They drank, needing the hydration.
"So." Daisuke opened the conversation with much clearing of his throat. "Uh. You want to get more serious. I do, too, but... I'm not... Really sure what that means. Especially with your Miyako and my hookup partners."
Ken nodded. "Yeah. I admit that, even though I brought it up... I don't know what dating looks like in monogamous situations, let alone when both parties have more than one partner."
Usually, reading Daisuke was a simple matter of looking at him. But now… He seemed tense, uncertain. Other than that, Ken had no clue what he was thinking. "So… You're not looking for monogamy, then?" Daisuke asked.
Ken rubbed the back of his neck. It suddenly occurred to him how little he had thought this through. That wasn't like him at all; generally, he prepared for things, even pre-rehearsed important conversations. How the hell had he approached Daisuke with this half-baked urge?
Because it's so important and emotional. Because the desire is so great. "No, I'm not. Um, actually... Miyako-san and I recently shifted from hookup partners to dating, although not exclusively, obviously."
And though it was slight, Ken noticed Daisuke's flinch, how his hands curled around his knees. "O-oh?"
Ken held both hands up. "I'm not pushing you aside! Since you have multiple casual partners, I thought you might be open to me having a second dating partner."
Daisuke's brow was crumpled, suggesting confusion, maybe even distress. "Okay. So… What exactly do you want?"
"You," Ken blurted. Heat rushed to his face as Daisuke blinked. A gobsmacked grin lightened his expression.
"I like that. But… You want to date both of us?"
Ken slapped both hands to his face, embarrassed, overstimulated, and suddenly wishing that he was wearing more than underwear. "What I mean is- Gods, why is this so hard to explain? I want to spend more time with you. Shifting from hooking up with Miyako-san to, um... You know. Going out together, watching performances and sporting events on campus, talking more... It's been... Really nice. And I want that with you, too."
Daisuke twirled his cup between both hands, staring into what remained of the water. "So... You're looking to spend more time with both of us. Separately?"
"I'd like you to meet, if you're both up for it," Ken replied. "But there's no pressure to, ah..."
A wan grin lifted Daisuke's lips. "Cross the streams?" Ken sensed that this was some kind of reference, but he didn't recognize it.
"Um, so... What do you think?"
Daisuke released a breath and sagged forward. "Well, first of all, I feel like an idiot for reacting the way I did. You're not asking much. So we see more of each other and do more outside of the bedroom. Is that the only change? You don't mind if I keep hooking up with my partners? And you talked to Miyako about this already?"
"That's the only change. I'm happy for you to see your partners if you're happy with me dating Miyako-san, and yes, she gave me the green light to ask you out. I just… I just want more of you."
Daisuke tipped his head, scowling- which sent Ken's heart thudding with panic. "Look, it's my fault for freaking out without hearing you out before. But if that's all you wanted, why were you so... It seemed like you wanted something a lot bigger. Was it nerves?"
Ken managed a frazzled, high-pitched laugh. "Oh, I was nervous. I was scared of damaging our relationship. And I was- and still am- worried about what happens after college."
And this time, Daisuke's flinch was not subtle. "Gods, yeah. When we're this age, it's easier for casual and open relationships to be accepted. But as my partners graduate and move on with their lives..."
How much time did they have before they ended up alone? Ken nodded. "I don't want to lose you or Miyako-san. Obviously, our relationships will change and evolve, like they are now. You were both my hookup partners; now I consider you my girlfriend and boyfriend. But after we graduate and grow older... What if you want a wife, or Miyako-san wants a monogamous husband?"
What if Ken was torn between two people he loved, and lost one or even both? What if they simply left him for a more socially accepted relationship? No one batted an eye at a college kid having multiple casual hookup partners, but it wouldn't take long for people to ask questions if Ken went out on dates with Miyako and Daisuke, even separately. What was Ken thinking, putting two people he cared for in that position?
Daisuke threw back the rest of the water and placed the empty cup on the floor. He remained silent, face drawn. "Daisuke?" Ken anxiously prodded.
"Yeah," he sighed. "Yeah. I love the lifestyle I have now, but except for you, my partners are casual. It's always sad when one starts dating someone exclusively or breaks things off for whatever reason. But it's fine, because, well... It was casual. But losing you somehow..."
When he noticed the moisture in Daisuke's eyes, Ken moved to sit beside him. "Yes. I feel the same way."
Daisuke grabbed his hand and held on, hard. It was such a simple thing, that connection, but Ken found himself staring at their tangled fingers. Usually, one or either of them would be off by now, heading for classes, another partner, or some other aspect of campus life. Sharing more time with Daisuke, opening up to him about his fears for the future… Ken was desperate to keep and build this growing bond.
"What do we do?" he whispered.
Daisuke lifted their entwined hands and kissed Ken's knuckles. "I can tell you what we don't do- what I almost did, like the world's biggest ass. We don't give up today because things might get hard or complicated later."
Ken drew a deep, steadying breath through his nose. "We enjoy what we have now, and figure things out as we go. I agree, but I don't want to ignore the problem and then just... Just drift apart after we graduate. Or even when people on campus start asking us questions about our relationship."
"Okay," Daisuke nodded. "Makes sense. First step, then. I'll meet Miyako, and we'll all touch base on how we're feeling and how we should handle this." He glanced aside, looking unsure. "Is that weird?"
"That's exactly what I want," Ken replied. Daisuke's enormous grin made his heart flutter, but also set off protective instincts. He wanted, needed to continue witnessing that smile. "Daisuke… People are going to judge us. It won't be easy."
"Pfft." Daisuke smacked Ken's shoulder. "I openly volunteer at the LGBTQIA+ center, man. I've dealt with people's judgey bullshit before. Which reminds me, we should stop by for some resources, if you're comfortable with that. I'm sure someone there is in an open or poly relationship."
Ken nodded, but was unsure how to respond. Sometimes, he loved visiting the center. He felt seen and accepted there, and talking to others about their experiences was comforting and uplifting. But sometimes, he struggled. Meeting and trying to comfort so many young queer people who were mistreated by families, friends, colleagues, and/or strangers, or felt forced to hide this part of themselves… The community was vital and necessary, but it also reminded Ken of the difficulties surrounding him, and of the challenges ahead. And every time he entered, his eyes were drawn to the plaque by the front door, listing the name of the center and the year it opened: 2019. Less than five years ago.
Everything about being queer felt so new to Ken, so tenuous, so vulnerable. He wanted to be comfortable in himself and to lift up everyone around him, like Daisuke did. But sometimes, the struggle to accept himself and face a world that was often cruel to the queer community was crushing.
"Hey." Ken blinked and looked at Daisuke, who leaned towards him. "It's okay. It's going to be okay."
And suddenly, seeing the warmth and kindness in Daisuke's eyes, something crumbled inside Ken. He felt the prickling in his eyes before he recognized that he was crying. "I don't, I don't- I don't want to make your life harder."
"Hey." Daisuke scooted over so hard that Ken swayed on impact. Suddenly, Daisuke's arms were around him, tight and warm. When he directed Ken's head to his shoulder, Ken buried his face against his neck. Daisuke held him while he cried, brief and intense, like a sudden squall.
When sobs turned to sniffles, Daisuke kissed his hair. "You'll never make my life harder. If other people are jackasses, that's on them- never you."
Intellectually, Ken knew that. But the fact that other people were responsible for their prejudiced behavior didn't make said behavior easier to cope with. "Y-yeah," Ken rasped. "Um… Can we lie down?"
After days of fretting over his relationship with Daisuke, sex, a difficult talk, and crying, Ken found himself barely conscious. He hung limp in Daisuke's embrace, like a ragdoll. Being pressed in bed against him, mostly skin to skin, would be an enormous comfort.
"Yeah." Daisuke slid an arm around Ken's back to help him stand. Then, he turned down the covers of Ken's bed and waited for him to collapse upon it. Ken scooted to the far edge and shifted to his side, making room for Daisuke. As soon as he drew the covers over them, a soothing heat began to build. Daisuke wrapped his arms around Ken, gently pulling him to his front. "I've got you. Everything is going to be okay."
A tiny grin lightened Ken's face. He felt gooey, already half-asleep, and far safer curled up against Daisuke. "I love that about you," he murmured. "When you say things like that, I believe you."
Distantly, he felt Daisuke's lips against his forehead. "Then I'll keep saying them, because they're true. We'll talk to Miyako. Everything will be alright."
And Ken drifted into peaceful sleep, still believing.
Author's Note: Thanks for reading! Next chapter features Koushiro and Eimi.