All The Stars In the Sky
Blitzø was in a good mood. A better mood than he had been in in weeks. This time it wasn't because he had killed some shitty human or gotten a stack of money. No, this time, it was because he had finally figured out how to apologize to Stolas.
He felt absolutely giddy as he walked down the streets of the Lust Ring. He adjusted the tote on his shoulder, patting it gently to make sure the present for Stolas was still safely inside, smiling to himself when he was assured it was there. He had spent days in the human realm looking for something that would make things right between him and Stolas. After going from state to state, country to country, he finally found that thing. And today was the day he was going to deliver it. Today was the day things were going to get better. He could finally fix this.
Blitzø stayed steady on his path. He was looking for a florist. Stolas loved flowers and Blitzø wanted to make sure tonight went perfect. While he was almost confident that Stolas would love the gift he had picked up from the human realm, he wanted to make sure to…supplement it. Just in case. After all, Stolas was a prince.. He deserved nice things.
Blitzø's face contorted into concern as he began to spiral. Maybe the present and the flowers wouldn't be enough. Maybe he should find something else. Something bigger and more expensive. God, his gift was stupid. What was he thinking, going to the human realm just to get a flimsy piece of paper. Prince's like Stolas couldn't do anything with paper. They wanted diamonds, crystals, and other…rocks? Blitzø looked down at the ground to see if there was a shiny rock on the Stolas might like.
No, this is stupid, he thought. Stolas already has a shit ton of diamonds and crystals. What else does he like?
Blitzø frantically looked around the Lust Ring to see if anything caught his eye that Stolas would like. His eyes landed on a bookstore across the street where the Kama Sutra was placed front and center in the window.
Stolas fucking loves words! He thought excitedly.
But the Kama Sutra would send the wrong message. That was the exact opposite of what he was trying to communicate to Stolas. Maybe he could find another book. One of those passionate love stories Stolas liked so much. But how could anything someone else wrote possibly explain what Blitzø was feeling? He decided he'd write his own book. It could have horses and sunsets and all the fucking passion Stolas could want. And he could write it tonight. He could write out everything he felt about Stolas. It would be perfect.
Blitzø turned on his heel to head back to his apartment when he suddenly froze.
There was Stolas. Stolas, who stood in front of Ozzie's. Stolas, looking the same as when Blitzø and him had had their fateful date together there. Blitzø felt the same butterflies in his stomach as when he had first seen Stolas dressed up like that. But now he felt nauseous. What was Stolas doing in the Lust Ring? And what would happen if they saw each other now?
"Fuck," Blitzø said outloud before diving behind a trashcan.
After a minute, he peaked out above the trash. Stolas still stood in front of Ozzie's, his head pivoting back and forth. Blitzø cursed under his breath, realizing the bird had probably heard his voice and was now looking for him. But they couldn't meet like this. It wasn't the right moment. Blitzø had a plan, and if they met like this, it would be ruined. Stolas was still pissed, and meeting now would inevitably lead to a fight.
Blitzø made to dart away with a group of demons that were passing by when he saw Stolas stop looking around and smile widely. Blitzø followed Stolas's gaze to a large, well built hellhound dressed in a black suit. The hellhound approached Stolas and gave him a hug. They exchanged a few words. Stolas laughed. At the sound of his laugh, Blitzø's heart tugged in pain. What had that lug said to make Stolas laugh like that? When the pair walked to the bouncer, and Blitzø saw the hellhound wrap his arm around Stolas's waist, it felt like someone had shot him.
A date. Stolas was on a fucking date. And the guy wasn't ugly either. Why had Stolas smiled so brightly? And why did he laugh like that? And why did he lean in closer when the beefcake put his arm around his waist? Blitzø's heart raced. He couldn't handle seeing Stolas with someone else. He needed to get out of there.
After Blitzø was sure the couple was inside, he stood up and kicked the trashcan over, screaming "Fuck!" as he did.
He cursed all the way to Imp City where he promptly went to the first bar he saw. The time it had taken Blitzø to get from the Lust Ring to the bar had been enough to change his mood from depressed to really fucking depressed. He couldn't stop himself from spiraling.
Of course Stolas was moving on. Stolas wasn't just going to sit around and wait for him. Of course not. He was a prince. He probably was thrilled that Blitzø was out of his life and he could finally be free from all the drama. All Blitzø did was ruFin everything. Everyone in his life was worse for knowing him, so he should feel happy that Stolas was finally able to be done with their situation. If he really cared about him, he'd be happy he was moving on, right?
He thought of all the times that he had let Stolas down. He didn't visit him at the hospital, he didn't reply to his texts, he didn't even hold his fucking hand when they went to Ozzie's. Maybe it was better that they were done. Maybe Stolas could finally be treated how he deserved.
But then Blitzø was thinking about Stolas laughing. About the hellhound putting his fucking mitts around his fucking waist. Stolas's surprised, "Oh!" before laughing and relaxing closer into his date.
"Agghhh!" Blitzø exclaimed before downing another beer.
Blitzø took his phone out of his tote, his hand gliding against the present for Stolas inside, causing his heart to sink as he thought about how tonight was supposed to go.
He scrolled down to Stolas's phone number and considered calling him. Ruining his date. But he didn't want to fuck things up even more. So he decided to call Fizz.
After a few rings, Blitzø heard Fizz's gravelly, tired voice, "Blitzø? That you?"
"Heyyyy Fizz. Watcha doing tonight? Want to come out and party? I'm buying!" Blitzø sang.
"I thought you were supposed to be going over to Stolas's tonight. What happened to that?" he asked.
Blitzø rocked on his stool, "Psshhhhhh, Stolas Schmolas. I wanna get DRUNK! Let's party till the fucking sun comes up, Fizz!"
"What happened, Blitzø?" Fizz asked, concerned, "DId you give him the gift?"
Blitzø frowned, "N-no. I didn't. He wouldn't want it anyways, Fizz. I saw him tonight. I mean-he didn't see me. But I saw him. At Ozzie's." Blitzø rested the phone on his shoulder and twiddled his thumbs anxiously.
"Ok. So why didn't you talk to him?" Fizz asked.
"He wouldn't have wanted to see me. It-it wasn't the right moment. Besides," he hesitated, wiping away the tears that he could feel forming in his eyes, "-besides, he was with someone else. On a date."
"Ok so he's on a date. So what?" Fizz asked.
Blitzø felt his face flush with anger, "So what? So he's moved on!"
Fizzsighed, "Of course he's trying to move on. He doesn't know how you feel about him. From what you told me, it sounds like he thinks you hate his guts."
"Well, why should I try to change things now? If he's moved on, then it's over. Maybe it's better if he thinks I hate him. He can resent me. At least I won't be fucking up his life anymore. So he can snuggle up against that," he clenched his fists, "fucking fury musclehead and I'll be fine with it. Because…I have to be fine with it. I've been selfish Fizz, really fucking selfish. So maybe it's time for me to just let Stolas have something without ruining it. Maybe him and that fuck can be happy together. It's better if I'm alone anyways. I can't hurt anyone that way." Blitzø finished, hanging his head .
"Oh fuck, Blitzø, you've got to cut it out with that woe is me bullshit." Fizz said impatiently.
"Woe is-What are you talking about Fizz?!"
"You know exactly what I mean, Blitzø. You think you need to trick me into believing you don't actually care about this, but I know you're not going to be ok if you don't tell him how you feel. It's going to eat at you for the rest of your life and, as your friend, I don't want to see you hate yourself even more than you already do."
Blitzø felt his lip quiver and hot tears fill his eyes, "I-I don't know Fizz."
"I'm serious, Blitzø. You've just got to talk to him. I've never seen two people who don't know how to talk to each other like the two of you don't." Fizz paused, and when he spoke again, Blitzø could hear a quiver in his voice, "It wasn't that long ago that you and I weren't talking. That we hated each other. We wasted years hating each other. If I-if either of us had just reached out, we would have figured out that there was no reason to be angry. If I could, I would do anything to go back and talk to you Blitzø. And I know you would do the same. I'm so grateful for what we have now; that we talked. So don't make that mistake again. Don't let it take years. Take the first step. Don't hold back, but don't be a dick. Just give him the gift and tell him how you feel. And if it doesn't work out, at least you won't regret not trying to make things right."
Blitzø shook violently as he tried to hold in his tears.
From the other end of the receiver, he heard the distant voice of Ozzie calling for Fizz to come back to bed. "Still there, Blitzø?" Fizz asked.
"Yeah, I'm here Fizz." Blitzø answered quietly.
"Do you need me to come out? Because I will," Fizz said.
Blitzø wiped the tears, "No Fizz, stay home. I'll be ok."
"Alright, Blitzø. Think about what I said, though. Go talk to him. And give him the gift, it's a good gift."
"I'll think about it," Blitzø replied.
"Good," Fizz said, "because I don't want you to be drunkenly calling me about Stolas for the rest of our lives," he teased.
Blitzø smiled weakly, "Goodnight Fizz. And thanks for picking up."
"Goodnight, Blitzø."
Blitzø hung up the phone and looked to see the bartender looking at him sympathetically.
"And what the fuck are you looking at, bitch?" he said, standing up on the barstool threateningly before adding, "Three more beers," and plopping down.
"You got it, Champ." the bartender said.
After a few more beers and a few hours stewing on Fizz's words, Blitzø found himself at Stolas's front door. It was late in the evening now. Stolas was sure to be home. Only briefly did Blitzø let himself think that maybe he was still with the hellhound. But it hurt too much to think about, so he focused on deciding how to approach the situation.
He considered scaling the house and sneaking in. But he didn't want to scare Stolas. Maybe it was best to just knock on the door. It didn't cross his mind that his best option was to go home and try in the morning. He was here and he had practiced what he was going to say what felt like a million times. Leaving wasn't an option.
Blitzø patted the side of his tote, feeling the solid mass that was the gift inside, letting it bring him some comfort. He lifted his fist to knock, but he stopped himself, fist hanging in front of the large wooden doors. He couldn't leave, but he couldn't bring himself to pull the trigger. Once he knocked, he couldn't go back. What if the voices in his head were right. What if Stolas said all the terrible things he believed he would say. What if Stolas hated the gift, and his grand gesture actually fucked everything up even more.
Blitzø began to lower his fist when he heard Fizz's words echoing in his mind, "If it doesn't work out, at least you won't regret not trying to make things right."
He pulled himself together. It didn't matter what happened. If Stolas forgave him, they could work on their relationship and Blitzø would make him the happiest fucking demon in all of hell. And if Stolas didn't forgive him…well. At least he had told him how he felt. No matter what happened, they would both be set free from the resentment that had been building between them.
Before Blitzø's fist made contact with the front door, it swung open. And there stood Stolas, looking tired, annoyed, and for Satan's sake, fucking beautiful. His red robe hung loosely around his shoulders. His feathers looked disheveled from sleep. Blitzø stared up at him, realizing how long it had been since he had seen Stolas like this. Something that he used to wake up to every morning after the full moon was now a distant memory.
Stolas scowled, but there was the slightest twinge of concern in his voice as he asked, "Blitzø? What in the world are you doing here?"
Blitzø slowly lowered his arm after realizing it had been hanging in the air still. He awkwardly adjusted the tote bag that hung at his side, feeling the weight of the gift inside shift. He didn't want to give him the gift just yet. He had things he wanted to say first. He had rehearsed it. But now, here, seeing Stolas, the words just wouldn't come out.
"Uhhhh," he finally let out.
Stolas's eyes rolled and he crossed his arms, "So this is it then? You interrupt my sleep to say, 'uhhhh'? Well that's very mature, Blitzø."
Blitzø stared up at him, suddenly very aware of what time it was and how sweaty he was getting. Had his arms always felt so heavy? Was his heart always beating this fast?
"Ummmmm," he let out.
Stolas rubbed the bridge of his nose tiredly, ""Ummmm!' he says! Well Blitzø, I never knew you had such a way with words!"
"I-" Blitzø said quietly.
"You…? You what? You want to tell me what a rich, pompous asshole I am? You want to mock me? What? What is it, Blitzø? What could you possibly be doing at my house this late at night?" Stolas said, his eyebrows furrowing.
Blitzø's mind had seemingly gone blank. He didn't know what to say. After a few awkward seconds of looking up at Stolas and adjusting his bag, Stolas sighed wearily.
"Blitzø, just-"
"Stop!" Blitzø shouted suddenly.
Stolas obeyed, looking taken aback at the sudden outburst.
"Just, stop, ok? Stop calling me that." Blitzø insisted desperately.
Stolas bent down to look closer at Blitzø's face, searching it for answers. Blitzø avoided looking into the prince's eyes, "Calling you what? All I've called you is-"
"Blitzø!" Blitzø interrupted angrily.
Stolas's eyebrows furrowed again, this time in confusion, "You're mad because I'm calling you…your name?"
"That's not my name!" Blitzø exclaimed, beginning to pace back and forth on the stoop as words began to regain presence in his brain. Albeit, not the ones he had been practicing all night. "I mean, it's my name, but not my name to you."
"Blitzø, you're not making a lick of sense and it clear to me you are drunk and set on disturbing my night, so kindly just l-"
"I said STOP!" Blitzø shouted, causing Stolas to lean back in surprise. "You don't call me that, ok? You call me Blitzy. I'm Blitzy!" he said, kicking a foot in the air and throwing his hands up
Stolas looked offended, "So you have come to mock me?"
"No!" Blitzø said quickly, turning to face the owl. "No, that's the last-ugh, why is this so complicated, why am I so complicated?!"
Stolas reached out a hand as if he were going to touch Blitzø's shoulder, but quickly withdrew. The prince no longer looked tired. His eyes were wide with concern. Before Stolas could say anything to Blitzø, the imp continued.
"I would never come here to mock you. I mean…not anymore. Not on purpose. I'm just stupid sometimes, alright? And I say the wrong things and I-I act like I don't care. But I do care. Because what if I'm old and it's been years and you're Fizz and I'm me and I don't fucking say anything?"
"Blitzø, you're not making any sense." Stolas said.
"'Blitzø!'" Blitzø huffed, "I fucking hated when you called me Blitzy, you know? It felt like a slap in the face. I felt-I felt like it was a reminder that I was lesser than you. But now-now it feels like I've been fucking stabbed everytime you don't say it!"
"You're not making any-"
"I know I'm not making sense! I guess I'm just trying to say, fuck, I think I'm trying to say that I took it for granted. All the stupid shit you would do, the nicknames, the texts, the way you fucking looked at me. I hated it all, but now-" he paused, glancing up at Stolas. Stolas's eyes seemed wider still as he looked down at the imp.
Blitzø continued, "Now I'd give anything to hear you add that 'y' to the end of my name one more time. But you're with that hellhound now. You're probably giving him cute nicknames. And that's-" he breathed deeply and shook his head as his hands closed into tight fists, "that's fine. And I'm…happy that you found someone who doesn't hurt you like I hurt you all the fucking time."
"Blitzø," Stolas whispered.
"No, I'm serious, it's ok. I know what I am. You don't have to say anything. This is me apologizing to you for being a fucking prick. I was a prick. I never texted you back, and I never gave you a silly nickname or took you out on dates or just sat in and cuddled with you. I never treated you like you deserve to be treated. But…you have to understand," he looked at Stolas pleadingly, afraid to say the next part of his sentence, afraid to piss the prince off, "you treated me badly, too. Not all the time! But you called me your plaything. I mean for fucks sake, your dad fucking bought me, Stolas!" Blitzø exclaimed, hot tears coming to his eyes. "That's not your fault. But then there was our arrangement,too. And, just, both of those things together… part of me has always felt like…like you just owned me. And I know you were trying to fix that. I know you tried to make it right. So I'm sorry I yelled at you and called you a rich asshole. I didn't know…I couldn't let myself know…how you felt about me. You tried to tell me and I didn't listen. I'm so sorry Stolas!" Blitzø finished, falling to the ground in exhaustion. He placed his head in his hands and sobbed.
There was silence on Stolas's end for a long while. At least, it felt like a long while to Blitzø. Finally, Stolas spoke. Blitzø didn't take his head out of his hands, but he could tell that the owl had come down to his level. Stolas spoke in a low voice, "I'm not sure how you know about my date, and it doesn't matter. I thought I should put myself out there. I thought it might be possible to move on. But it didn't feel right. In fact, it felt astoundingly wrong. I want you to know that he means nothing to me, Blitzø."
Blitzø sniffled and looked up at Stolas, who was leaning down, their faces almost touching with how close the owl had come to him. There were tears in Stolas's eyes as he reached out and wiped away Blitzø's own tears gently, "I am so sorry that I ever made you feel less than, Blitzø. I know what I did was wrong, and there's no excuse for it. You taught me that I have a choice in my life. That I don't have to be what my father expected of me-what anyone expected of me, for that matter. And I'm sorry I put you in a position where you felt like you had no choice. I want you to know that you always do." he finished, gently running his fingers across Blitzø's cheek.
"Can we be ok, Stolas? I miss you so fucking much." Blitzo said, reaching his hand up and holding the hand Stolas had on his cheek.
"Of course we can be ok," Stolas said with a breath of relief.
Blitzø smiled and closed his eyes, pressing his cheek closer into Stolas's hand. The two sat like that for a while before Stolas touched the tote at Blitzø's side.
"And what did you bring this time, Blitzy?" he asked teasingly, "Were you so confident that this conversation would go well?"
Blitzø looked down at the tote, "Oh yeah," he said, "I almost forgot." he set the tote down and reached inside. He pulled out a frame and looked at the paper inside of it apprehensively, "I don't know, Stolas, it's dumb."
"Oh come now, Blitzy, let me see what you brought."
He reached over and gently took the frame out of Blitzø's hands. He looked at it closely in confusion, and then joy, as Blitzø explained nervously what it was.
"Well, you see, humans are so stupid and think they can own anything they want. You can buy just about anything in the human realm. I mean, they're so stupid that they actually think they can own a star! Can you believe that? Well, stupid as it is, I know stars are your whole thing. So…I thought I would get one for us. They give you this whole certificate when you buy one. You can name it and everything. So I did, and there it is. I know it's dumb but-" before he could finish, Stolas had picked him up and was spinning him around, "Oh Blitzy!" he sang, "It's the most perfect thing you could have gotten! Oh thank you, darling!" He kissed Blitzø's face in earnest before they stopped spinning. They looked at each other for a moment before kissing each other passionately. After pulling away, Blitzø suddenly jumped out of Stolas's arms.
"I wanted to get you something else. You are a prince, after all!" Blitzo said before he ran and disappeared to the side of the house. After a moment, he hurried back, rose in hand, "Here, for you."
Stolas blushed. As he reached for the rose, he pricked himself on one of the thorns.
"Oh shit, Stolas, are you ok?." Blitzø said frantically, gently taking Stolas's hand and wiping away the small spot of blood that was forming.
Stolas smiled and looked at Blitzø lovingly, "Yes, Blitzy, I'm ok. It has those thorns to protect itself, and I didn't respect that. I promise I'll be more careful with it this time." He said as he gently cusped the rose and placed it with his other gift.
Blitzø smiled, "Yeah, well, maybe it could learn to be a little bit less of a prick."
The two settled on the stairs of Stolas's front porch, leaning into each other. Blitzo looked at Stolas's face, appreciating the happiness that was there, the happiness that he, Blitzø, and brought him, as Stolas looked up at all the stars in the sky and excitedly showed Blitzo exactly where they could find Stolitz.