Disclaimer: I don't own Lord of the Rings.

"After all - HIC - why not?" Bilbo asked himself happily between hiccups. "Why shouldn't I - HIC - have another drink?"

"I think you should put the bottle down, Bilbo." Gandalf urged his old friend. "Is that so hard?"

"Well, no! HIC!" The drunken hobbit clutched his bottle of beer, his shaking hands hands struggling to uncork it. "And yet, yes!"

Gandalf's face was grave as he observed what all the beer Bilbo had downed that evening had done to him. Being so intoxicated with alcohol had corrupted the little hobbit. The wise wizard couldn't simply stand by and let his good friend do this to himself.

"Mine!" Bilbo said as he embraced the bottle in his hands. "My preciousssss!"

"That drink is no friend of yours, Bilbo." Gandalf warned. "You may think it makes you feel good and powerful, but it is only taking control of you. You cannot let this drink rule you."

"Ah, what would you know? HIC! You've only had a cup of tea tonight! I've had twenty beers - HIC - and now I'm about to have another!"

"I think you've had enough to drink…"

"You-HIC!" Bilbo raised his fists at the grand wizard, looking very silly over how he thought he could fight him. "You want it for yourself!"

"BILBO BAGGINS!" Gandalf exploded. "DO NOT TAKE ME FOR SOME DRUNKARD OBSESSED WITH BOOZE!"

The thunderous tone that Gandalf was yelling in made Bilbo jump with fright. Even in his intoxicated state, the small hobbit knew perfectly well that the powerful sorcerer was not one to be crossed.

"I AM NOT TRYING TO ROB YOU!" Gandalf roared - then his voice softened as he smiled at his friend. "I'm trying to help you…"

Managing to get a hold of himself, Bilbo looked at the bottle he had been trying to uncork. Then he gazed around with wide eyes at the twenty empty ones on the floor which he had been drinking out of that evening.

He knew Gandalf was speaking the truth. He couldn't go on drinking like this. If he kept pouring alcohol down his throat like this, it would gain complete control of the old hobbit, turning him into a shadow of his former self.

"You're right, Gandalf," Bilbo agreed, handing the uncorked beer to the wizard. "I have to - HIC - get off the bottle."

"Fear not, my old friend." Gandalf took the beverage in his one hand before placing the other gently onto Bilbo's shoulder. "I will get you the help you need."

"You're going to cast a spell to - HIC - get rid of my love for drink, right?" Bilbo asked hopefully. "That would be no problem for - HIC - a powerful wizard like you, Gandalf."

"Oh, how naïve you are. You really think that's what magic is for?" Gandalf chuckled with a shake of his head as he led his friend to the front door of his house before pulling it open. "No, I'm going to send you right now to S.A.H."

"What's - HIC - that?"

"Support for Alcoholic Hobbits."

As Gandalf escorted the hiccuping hobbit out of his house, he threw the bottle out of his hand as far as he could. It flew far away from the Shire, soaring for several miles landing with a clunk in a dark forest, settling in a pile of dead leaves which saved it from shattering to pieces.

The bottle instantly grabbed the attention of someone who happened to be in the forest. He went to investigate what had fallen into his home - and flashed a horrible smile when he saw it was beer. Having gone through the same addiction of such a beverage as Bilbo, he had allowed it to take control of him and corrupt him. Pleased to see a bottle of the stuff land into his lair, he quickly uncorked it before pouring the alcoholic beverage down his throat.

"My precccccciousssssss!" Gollum hissed happily - before causing all the trees of the forest to shake, scaring off all the animals who lived there, as he filled the woods with the sound of an enormously loud belch.

THE END