Booth and Brennan are getting divorce, but why? (One of the meaningless pranks on earth)

(season 8)

I don't own Bones

Brennan and Booth were in a rather noisy argument in Brennan's office at the Jeffersonian. What they were saying wasn't very clear, but you could tell they were arguing. Angela, Hodgins and Cam, standing on the platform, tried to focus on their work, but couldn't take their eyes off B&B.

Angela said, "This isn't good."

Cam replied, "Focus on your work; they're grown-ups, probably just having a spat, I hope."

Hodgins added, "I haven't seen Dr. B this angry in a long time; my gut tells me Booth is guilty."

Angela retorted, "That voice isn't coming from your gut, Hodgins; it's Brennan's accusing Booth. I'm sure she has a valid reason to blame him." While they continue their consultation, Wendell strides onto the platform with hesitant steps.

"I've got the results you wanted. Oh... are they still arguing? Should we call Sweets? He's the best person to help with this, after all."

Cam hushed him, saying, "Shh, I can't hear what they're saying..."

Angela, Hodgins, and Wendell look at her as if to say, "Are you serious?"

Cam quickly recovers, saying, "I mean... I want my employees to be happy?" as she turns away, embarrassed.

Angela agrees, "You're right. Let's call Sweets; that little shrink who might be able to solve their issues. He's been living with them for a while; maybe there's something we don't know."

Hodgins chuckles, "Maybe he just wanted to sleep between them." Wendell nods in agreement while laughing.

Angela interjects, "Ha ha, very funny. Don't even think about placing bets on when they'll divorce; I'll divorce you, Hodgins," she warns, to which Hodgins laughs and replies, "Okay, okay." Angela then asks, "Can you hear what they're saying?"

Cam suddenly blurts out, "No!" Everyone turns to Cam. "Okay, pretend like you're not curious as much as you want, but I can't hold it in anymore; I'm going to check in on them," she says. "Plus, we have some real work to do; the remains will arrive soon."

Cam walks towards Brennan's office. She knocks on the door and listens to the noise from inside while clearing her throat. Brennan says, "Just a moment, coming!" She opens the door and lets Cam in.

Angela and Hodgins look at each other. "What happened now?" asks Angela. Hodgins, while avoiding eye contact, says, "Hey, did they just swallow Cam?" Wendell interjects "There's something off today; I'm calling Sweets."

Brennan, Cam, and Booth sit in Brennan's office.

"Don't be ridiculous, this is the dumbest idea ever, Seeley" says Cam, Brennan agrees, "I've been trying to tell him that revenge isn't nice, but he insists." Booth looks determined and proud. Cam continues,

"And what about that heated argument? Was that part of the plan?" Booth gives her a sly smile. "I knew your curious squints would call Sweets," Cam looks at Booth as if he's the dumbest person alive.

"Look, Seeley, I love you, you know that, but sometimes..." Brennan finishes her sentence,"...you're too childish."

Cam adds, "Yeah... I mean, it's been five years; shouldn't you have moved on?"

Booth responds in a mature tone, "I forgot, it's just... now Sweets should fly the coop."

Brennan comments, "Booth thinks with this brilliant plan, he can both kick Sweets out of the house and get his comeuppance." Booth starts laughing. "Exactly! It's hilarious…"

Brennan adds, "Well, we'll need to watch fewer cartoons then."

Cam remarks, "How did you agree to such nonsense?"

"I guess I was just as angry as he was, but I didn't realize it at the time." Brennan gives Booth a glance. "Besides, I know this will amuse him; let him have fun" she says. Brennan, though not entirely approving of Booth's actions, is excited about getting into mischief with him.

Sweets arrives at the Jeffersonian.

"Hey… You said Booth and Brennan were arguing. What's going on?"

"Oh, you tell us Sweets" Angela says. Hodgins eagerly watches to see how the situation unfolds.

"What do you mean?

Angela asks eagerly, "I mean, was there anything when you were at home? Any fights, arguments? Anything?"

"No, as far as I can see, they're living the healthiest relationship model."

Angela suggests, "We think you should talk to them, maybe they have some issues, maybe you can help them solve it, huh?"

Sweets says, "Let's see," as he walks towards Brennan's office door. He knocks on Brennan's office door and says, "Heyy, is there a problem?" Booth and Brennan look at each other, Brennan's expression showing "I still find this meaningless," while Booth's expression is more like "Oh trust me" Cam tries to slip out of the room, saying, "I'll get back to my work, you guys deal with your problem," and walks back to the platform. Angela, Hodgins and Wendell, eager for gossip, start pestering Cam. "Hey! Cam, what happened?" Cam starts laughing while shooting them a "I'm tired of you guys" look.

Sweets is now sitting opposite Booth and Brennan.

"Okay... this is really bad, divorce? Seriously? Why? Look, guys, I've known you for 6 years, and I've been living with you for 2 months, which is an unpleasant detail; I'll move out soon. But WHY? You're the best couple I've seen."

Booth interjects "How many couples have you seen?" sarcastically.

Brennan adds "that's exactly why... Sweets asked you a question, Booth, why do you always have to be sarcastic?" with a displeased expression on her face. Booth glares at Brennan, as if to say "that wasn't part of the plan" while Brennan chuckles slightly, as if to say "here's your joke".

Sweets gets annoyed. "Okay, these age jokes are so outdated, I'm not 22 anymore... forget it, oh, I thought you were completing each other! What about Christine? What will happen to her?" Sweets is devastated by what he's hearing.

Brennan responds, "I guess Christine will live with me now, of course she's gonna see her father very much. We were thinking about how to tell Christine, maybe you can help with that,"

Sweets says. "And what about where I'll stay?" he asks.

Booth becomes agitated, "Oh no no no, you can't leave Sweets to me Bones!."

"Booth, Sweets is a grown man; he's not our child" Brennan says, looking at Sweets.

"Okay, baby duck, listen, you'll have to find a new apartment for yourself," Booth says to Sweets.

Sweets suddenly pleads,

"Please don't divorce."

Brennan interjects, "We're adults, Sweets. You should know that best. I guess we just don't enjoy being together anymore."

Booth is somewhat impressed by Brennan's acting but also a bit horrified, looks at Brennan again and clarifies, "Okay, maybe not 'enjoy' but we've had some struggles in our marriage, maybe…"

Brennan looks back at Booth. "I never really believed in marriage from the start"

Booth flushes with stress "Yeah, she's n- okay, stop Bones, we got the idea," he interrupts.

Sweets can't believe what he's hearing. "But, but you've fought so hard to be together, I mean, what have you done for each other, what have you endured for each other! Was it all for this?"

Booth sits next to Sweets and pats his shoulder. "Life's like that, Sweets. You may not understand because you're still a kid"

Sweets looks at Booth with teary eyes,

"I don't believe you; you're lying! You'd rather die than be separated from Dr. Brennan, but right now, you seem pretty relaxed. I don't buy it. What's wrong?"

Sweets knows them well enough not to buy into such foolish excuses, but at the same time, the idea that this could be a necessity crosses his mind. He pauses for a moment and then continues.

"Oh my god, is it Pelant? Is he threatening you again!?"

Sweets lowers his voice,

"Is the room bugged?"

He picks up a pen and paper from the table and says,

"Please write it down. Is this a deception?"

Brennan looks at Sweets, then at Booth. Brennan gives Booth a look that says 'Enough already' and Booth takes the pen from Sweets' hand.

"No bugs, Sweets"

Booth struggles to keep from laughing, while Sweets doesn't even notice that Booth is about to burst into laughter...

"Nobody's listening, Bones and I have decided to split up, so… will you help us with Christine?"

Sweets' eyes well up,

"But... you were my family"

Booth looks at Brennan, trying to hold back his laughter, then suddenly bursts into laughter. Booth looks at Brennan and laughs, then quickly stops as Brennan looks at him with a pained expression.

"Okay, Booth, stop," Brennan watches Sweets with sympathy. Booth pushes Sweets on the shoulder, laughing.

"You believed it!"

Sweets looks at Booth with eyes full of emotion.

"Did you trick me! What? Oh, ohh, nice... very nice guys, really…"

Sweets wipes his eyes, while Booth is still laughing. Booth teases, "You believed!"

"You're so mean, Agent Booth, and... you... Doctor Brennan…you, I thought you're the mature one."

Brennan adds, "Okay, Sweets, actually I find it very stupid, but... I kinda enjoyed it, I'm not gonna lie."

Booth and Brennan turn to each other.

"See? I told you'd have fun"

"Was it all just a joke? Why? Why would a sane person do this?" Sweets continues in a tone of frustration and disappointment.

Brennan mentions, "So, on our way to work today, 'Girls Just Want to Have Fun' started playing on the radio."

Booth replies, "God, I hate that song."

"Booth seemed a bit irritated, actually, I don't think he's quite gotten over his anger towards you—"

Booth interrupts, "I still think you should have informed Brennan that I'm not dead."

Sweets' jaw drops...

"You're sick… Sick, really. Are you still there! That was 5 years ago!"

Brennan adds, "And you're still living with us, which I'm genuinely happy about, but Booth saw this as a way to kick you out of the house."

Brennan looks apologetically at Sweets. Booth, with a fully satisfied expression on his face, says;

"Payback is a bitch, baby shrink."

Sweets responds

"Okay, I'm leaving today. You should have just told me directly instead of this joke; it's meaningless and upsetting. I thought you had given up on each other."

Brennan looks at Booth, and Booth looks back at Brennan. Booth looks a bit sheepish,

"Okay, it was a bit rushed, I haven't been planning this for 5 years, alright? I'm not that sick, I just got a bit triggered this morning."

Sweets says, "You... you need therapy, really! Clearly i'm not good at my job…" and exits Brennan's office.

Brennan looks at Booth, "Okay, that was mean."

Brennan lets out a small laugh, "And also funny. I hate us."

"Right? No one understands me like you do." Booth adds, "I guess I should make it up to him."

Brennan responds, "Yeah, you should," and he follows after Sweets.

While Hodgins and Wendell struggle to stifle their laughter, Angela says, "I hate men, I'm gonna kill Booth, really" and she pats Sweets on the back, saying, "Didn't expect that from Brennan."

Sweets stands there like a child who just learned his parents are divorcing, while Hodgins, standing a little further away,

"I'm sure he'll come back home,"

Wendell adds "Yeah, Sweets, a bit shameless," laughing as he agrees with Hodgins.

Hodgins then says "Come on, new bets!"

Angela responds "Get lost Hodgins, one more bet and we're done."

Hodgins concludes "No bets, done!" and he and Wendell rush off to Hodgins's office.

Booth approaches Sweets as Angela heads towards Brennan's office, handing Sweets over to Booth.

"Okay, you better cheer him up; kicking him out of the house is one thing, but saying we're getting divorced? That's too much for him" Angela advises Booth.

"Okay, Sweets, come on, that was a joke; we're not getting a divorce, okay?"

Angela walks away towards Brennan's office. Brennan emerges from her office.

"Okay, sweetie, you've changed a lot," Angela comments.

"Would enjoying myself more than I thought make me a bad person?" Brennan asks.

Angela laughs, "I mean... Sweets is kinda upset, but he'll get over it. You're his mama and papa," she laughs even more. "Plus, your acting skills are quite impressive; I really believed you were fighting," Angela adds.

"I've realized I've been enjoying these kinds of games lately," Brennan says with a smile. "You should reduce the undercover missions," Angela suggests. Brennan looks at Sweets and Booth, who are a bit away from them. "He was kinda... our baby boy, actually. Also, Christine loves him like a brother, so he can live with us a bit longer" Brennan says.

Sweets looks at Booth in astonishment, "Is that your only concern!?"

Booth replies, "I thought you didn't want us to get divorced."

Sweets says, "Of course I don't! It's just... it's just... all this effort to tell me you don't want me at home..."

Booth interjects, "Okay, baby shrink, we love you, okay? I just wanted to annoy you a little, that's all. That song, that damn song, it annoyed me. " Booth hesitates for a moment "You can live with us a couple more days, but that's all."

Booth gently taps Sweets on the shoulder. "Enough action for today, take Christine from daycare and head home."

"I'm still mad at you, but for now, I'm going home." Booth responds, "Yeah go home kiddo, you can use the tub tonight, but you'll clean it up."

"Fine" Sweets says with a slightly sulky expression, reluctantly agrees and walks away.

After a while, Booth and Brennan are alone in Brennan's office. Booth leans back with satisfaction, having finally taken the revenge he's been holding onto for five years. He turns to Brennan,

"Why do I have to be so sarcastic, huh?"

Brennan responds, "Oh, well, that..."

Booth interrupts, "Do you really think that?"

Brennan nods, "Yes," she says.

"But I like it; if we ever do get divorced, it won't be because of your sarcasm."

Booth, intrigued, asks, "Why would it be then?"

Brennan hesitates for a moment... "Brennan says, 'I don't know, but the reason can't be sarcasm.'" She pauses for a moment... "I guess the fact that there's no reason not to be with you is proof that I always want to be with you," she says to Booth with a smile.

Booth smiles at her too.

"You're getting more romantic by the day."

Brennan responds, "Does that mean you love me more?"

"No, Bones. I've always loved you, in every way"

"I love you too, Booth. I guess even though I'm afraid to admit it and even though I hate most things about you, I love you with them, I love discovering you every day, even if it means playing meaningless pranks on kids..."

Booth starts kissing Brennan, and she says between kisses

"And yeah... you're right. I should've slugged him back then."

"See! I was right! I was right about that prank! We should bully him more…" Booth says, still laughing.

"And we need to talk about your acting skills. For a moment, I might have believed you were divorcing me, but just for a moment!"

Brennan continues to laugh "No more divorce jokes"

Booth agrees, "No way! I'd rather die"

They continue kissing each other.

"And perhaps it's time for us to listen to 'Girls Just Want to Have Fun' peacefully, don't you think? Brennan asks as she continues to kiss him.

"Cause you know, I sang 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' better than she did."

"I guess we can do that." Booth leans Brennan back onto the couch and continues to kiss her.

'Girls Wanna Have Fun' by Cindy Lauper starts to play