And since I'm not here to talk about Sam, I'll leave that for another story, right?
I met up with Laura after spending some good times training the girl and trying to figure out how she could help me find other mutants. I also ended up having a few beers with Kurt the day before coming to this meeting. It was nice to have the blue guy by my side; we laughed about the good times and talked about the directions these almost autocratic decisions were leading the mutants, all of them, even those who weren't part of this idyllic dream of the Council. What a shame...
Before reaching the door at the end of the corridor, I already caught a very pleasant smell in the air - roasted Portuguese chestnuts?! Can that be possible? I smelled this during WWII... I knocked on the door, and she took a while to answer. I heard hurried steps, and the smell of chestnuts intensified. Laura appeared wearing an oven mitt on one hand, apologizing, and went to a part behind the office hidden by a false wall. I never imagined she lived there! That was intriguing... I followed her slowly, seeing her flustered for the first time since we had known each other as patient and doctor. She was wearing a black kitchen apron with orchids in the background, hair hastily tied up, and when I saw her taking care of those chestnuts, my mouth watered.
- I didn't know you had culinary skills, doctor.
- I'm trying to make a Marron Glacé that I learned from my grandmother, but I never imagined it would be so labor-intensive! And I ended up losing track of time, but that doesn't matter.
She took off the glove, turned off the stove, and removed the apron as she led me into the main room. She picked up her notes and before sitting down, let her hair loose, adjusting her glasses. Her cheeks were red from the heat of the fire and the rush.
- Breathe, Laura. Relax. It was interesting to see a bit more of you, considering you know almost everything about me...
She smiled faintly, drank a glass of water, and before she could start, I mentioned how that smell brought back memories of Europe.
- Really? When in your life?
- Have I been to Europe? - She shook her head. - I was there during WWII; food was scarce, and these chestnuts lasted for many months if well preserved. So, whenever I was in some suburb, I would smell them roasting on the grill. Those were tough times, you wouldn't want to know... But there were many good things too. Like everything in life, that incredible duality... - She nodded, smiling, standing tall, and said:
- Mr. Logan, based on the phone calls we exchanged during the month and how you're carrying on with your life now, I am pleased to inform you that I can release you from our meetings. - There was a hint of sadness in this news, but I couldn't quite pinpoint why... I responded defensively, caught off guard!
- What?! No... I'm used to them; they're part of my plans and my routine. You're cutting them short by about two months?
- Oh! Please, don't be nostalgic! You know where I practice; anytime you need a punctual intervention, I'll be here. What I can't do is continue with these sessions without a plan on my part... - She whispered: "Just for the pleasure of your company..."
- You know I heard that last part as clearly as if you were speaking normally, right?
She blushed, looked away, fidgeted, and her heart raced like music to me, erratic; I understand that, having seen many women act this way, whether for me or for other men or women.
- Sorry, - she said finally - I shouldn't have said that. Can we just forget it?
I stared at the woman in front of me and didn't reply until our gazes locked:
- I could just let it slide, you know? But the question is, do I want to... If you said it, I don't think it shouldn't have been said. Agree?
She couldn't hold my gaze any longer, and when she lowered it, I understood that all of this would be too much for her today. To try to ease the situation, I said:
- I'm your neighbor. Who knows, maybe we'll bump into each other around?
She whispered again: "That would be nice..."
If I followed my instincts, I would leap across the table and kiss her, but I don't think that would be helpful right now. I calmed the beast, took a deep breath, and imagined myself plunging into a large, icy Canadian lake. That helps a lot!
- Can you get up, doctor? I need my receipt, and I won't leave until I know everything's okay...
She asked for a moment with her hand, and I relaxed, calming my heart and steadying my breath.
- Take your time, no rush...
- Thank you, Mr. Logan, for your understanding, for the calm you conveyed. What was said was indeed right, and I shouldn't regret it. If and when we meet again out there, we can revisit this topic, okay? Now, I'm your doctor and need to give you a receipt and a discharge letter.
- Alright, agreed, Laura. - I was itching to make a joke about that moment and holding back. I took the documents and said: "Hope I get to taste some of that Marron Glacé; the smell is still amazing. See you later, kitten!"
- See you, Logan. I promise to save some for you. - She teased, and I just raised my eyebrow as I was already heading out the door.
[Soundtrack of this moment: Desire - Ryan Adams]
The next day, I started my homework, walked through nearby shops, asking if they knew Dr. Laura and if she frequented the area. Some lied and said no, others asked why, and to those, I replied that I was an old friend and wasn't sure if she still lived around there. This usually elicited some smiles and provided some answers. I found out that the flowers at her office were delivered every two days by a florist, and she usually had afternoon coffee at the bakery around the corner from her office, ordering a decaf cappuccino and a chocolate croissant. It was in this bakery that I was waiting.
I stayed hidden in a corner and smelled her before she came into my view, smiling, passing by the staff wishing them good evening, and heading to the table where she sat every night. She wore loose white pants and a loose tank top with a light yellow belt buckle, her hair in a ponytail. The staff didn't even hand her the menu; they were already preparing her drink while one brought the croissant cut into four pieces, with a small pot of cinnamon on the side. It was the first time I saw someone eat croissant with cinnamon, and the smell was good; cinnamon really goes well with chocolate. I was nervous, how was that possible? I felt my hands moisten and my saliva thicken. Me, the Wolverine!... What powers does this woman have over me?...
I stood behind her, but I noticed she saw me through the napkin holder.
- If I were responsible for your security, I'd suggest not being so routine, Laura...
She turned around, sweetly smiling before replying:
- And make it harder for you to find me, Logan? I don't think so... Please, sit down. Would you like something to drink? And why would I need someone responsible for my security?"
I sat in front of her; it had been about five days since I last saw her, and I just wanted to spend some time like this, looking at her. So, before answering, I raised my hand for a pause. She accepted. This time, she held her gaze on me, nibbling on some pieces of croissant. The waiter arrived and handed me the menu; I returned it and only ordered:
- A very cold dark beer, please. - He nodded and left. - Regarding your security, I heard you started treating some of those crazy mutants. They're dangerous and might want to kidnap you, you know?
She smiled faintly, raised an eyebrow, and also analyzed me, something she hadn't done in her office. Although she blushed when doing so, she didn't shy away, and as the drinks arrived, she commented:
- My life is so monotonous and routine, as you can see, that I might just accept being cordially kidnapped for a few days... Who knows, do something I'll regret later. There comes a time in life when even the possibility of regrets is better than the certainty of securities. - Her gaze saddened.
- Look, if I remember correctly, it was you who told me we should have a plan in life. So, it's time for you to readjust your plans, right? No more of that sad look, Laura...
- Ah, my friend... For no one does the saying 'do as I say, not as I do' apply better! You can't be psychologically well if your life is nowhere near what you dreamed. I think that was the problem; I ended up dreaming without fulfilling...
- There's always time to start; just take the first step. I know it's the hardest, but grab my arm and come with me, okay?... I want to take you somewhere; let me kidnap you for a few hours? We'll be back before midnight, I promise. - I smiled, offering my hand to her with my best grin.
She hesitated, finished her cappuccino, and then, as if making a mental "screw it," she grabbed my hand firmly and just asked:
- Promise we'll be back after midnight?
I smiled as I pulled her close to my chest and we walked outside together. I handed her a helmet, and soon we were on the road, heading towards the X-Mansion.
- I can't believe I'm finally going to see this place from the inside! What an amazing feeling!
I didn't reply because she wouldn't hear me over the wind and the rumble of the motorcycle, but I understood her perfectly and squeezed her hand to let her know I heard. Truly, the sight of the Mansion was breathtaking, and I felt her experiencing the same, a feeling heightened by her body against mine. We headed to the garage, got off the bike, and seeing how vibrant her face was felt like a personal reward. Thinking that if I hadn't chosen to leave my comfort in Krakoa, I would never be in this situation - looking at it now, it's daunting. But I've dated a human before, so this shouldn't be so strange... Yet comparing how much Melita knew about me versus how much Laura knows rings in my mind as an answer to this strangeness. I'm practically an open book to this brunette, and in this case, she's the mystery. The roles have reversed, and I feel vulnerable. It's something new that my new "self" perceives as good.
I extended my hand again and gave her a tour, not before warning her about the Bamfs and how mischievous they could be, of course! The last thing I wanted was for her to run away because of those little demons! I also explained that besides Sam, there was another person living in the Mansion, a mutant we found using Sam's precognition. As we passed by Blackbird and entered an elevator, I explained:
- He was walking through downtown Westchester, looking for a victim. Sam noticed what he was about to do before he acted, of course, and then I approached him, gave him the chance to be better, if he wanted.
- Hmm... Interesting, Logan. - I sensed apprehension from her.
- You can't relax and let things unfold, can you? I know I might be training a military assassin, but I'm keeping an eye on him, and I've learned a few tricks from my psychologist, you know? Aren't you curious about his mutation? - She nods affirmatively. - He has various vision capabilities: UV, X-ray, IR, thermal, night vision, and others we're still discovering! He can select the type of item he wants to steal and go for it! He never uses weapons; he's a light touch, which was a positive point amid the disaster he was making of his life.
- Wow, your psychologist nailed the tricks, huh? Sorry for my apprehension; what could someone like me know about your incredible world, right?
I was beside her in the elevator, but I took a step back to look her squarely in the eyes:
- Darling, our worlds being different isn't the issue... That's the crap Charles is creating now, but it wasn't always like this, you know, and I ran away from that, exactly because of segregation. I hope our realities can coexist in a way that's very close and intimate, now that we don't have any more medical matters to address.
I moved our bodies closer just as the elevator stopped on the Danger Room floor, and I didn't care about the doors opening. She hesitated for a few seconds, then moved closer too, touching my face for the first time, running her hand through my stubble:
- It's so soft, Logan...
Given our height difference, it would've been interesting if she took the initiative for the kiss, but instead, she stopped a few inches from my face, smiling and giving me the chance to lean in the rest of the way. Her skin was soft, a bit cooler than mine, her hair silky smooth. I tangled my fingers in it and pulled Laura closer by the nape of her neck, kissing her, but she didn't immediately respond. I felt her receiving my signals without returning them, and after a pause, she began awkwardly, at which point I stopped and said:
- Hey, hold on!
- Did I do something wrong? I'm sorry...
- You didn't do anything wrong; you just did it in a way that seems like it might have been your first time, and - I don't need to ask further; she's very awkward, doesn't know where to look, and her heart seems to be pounding as if it's going to explode. I smell a strong scent of adrenaline and decide to be more compassionate; she had given me the tools to act like this:
- Hey, hey, look at me, Laura! - she obeys me - you don't have to feel trapped, woman. We end up having prejudices when we meet someone, imagining that because of age, the person has already been through so much, but it's okay, you know? Not having experience in these areas doesn't make it a mistake. Relax, breathe easy. When you returned the kiss, it was timid, but very good. Calm down, okay ... I'm smelling adrenaline, and in this scenario, either we fight or flee; please don't choose the second option, promise me? - and with this conversation, she starts to calm her heart and her breathing, getting less tense, relaxing the muscles of the neck (mine! What a neck!) and my hands, which held her arms, went down to her hands.
- I'm sorry, should I have said, right? But I thought I could pretend to know at least how to kiss, but I wasn't successful in my attempt ... - she strokes my hand - I never found boys the age my friends found interesting, and when I thought about it, I saw that I had wasted too much time and that men my age might not be willing to act like teenagers so that I could gain experience, you know? I didn't have the right to demand that from them, and, of course, I don't have that right over you, Logan. I need something slow, and I understand if you don't want to go at that pace. I can only thank you for having seen this possibility in me, for wanting to coexist, you know.
- You get chatty when you're nervous, huh? - I tease her. - As a psychologist, you should know it's not cool to project your expectations onto other people, right? Not just onto me, but onto the other guys who've passed through your life. You must have broken a few hearts along the way out of sheer presumption! Think about that...
I offer her my arm to hold as we exit the elevator, heading towards the training session Sam and Frank were conducting.
- We'll get back to that later; for now, let's watch some mutants take down some holograms, yeah?
She doesn't say anything in response, accepts my arm, smiles sheepishly, and follows me through the Mansion, noticing the old wood that covers much of it, the busts and statues, the paintings, and the ancient weapons lining its walls. That place managed to blend past and future like no other!
Some bamfs made fun of how we were walking, mimicking a bridal march, but I flick them and they disappear. We spend the next couple of hours watching, and after an hour, I decide to join in, donning the brown uniform I've worn so much. She's never seen me fight before, but if she could compare, she'd see how much my fighting was grounded in compassion, even against holograms. Knowing she was watching gave me an extra boost, and I floated through the strikes, reliving the sensation of her soft skin against mine. After the session, I let Laura know the bamfs would show her the TV room and headed for a shower. I put on sweatpants and a tank top, and I see her in the room, surrounded by bamfs, chatting away with them while some laughed and many enjoyed themselves:
- What the hell is this, you little blue guys? - they all disappear, she stands up and faces me. - How did you manage to entertain these rascals?
- Typical! First off, I didn't label them as rascals or little demons, Mr. Logan... What prejudice! I saw them as sentient beings and realized they can understand us quite broadly, so I started telling them some fairy tales, you know? Grimm's tales. I don't know, it worked...
I approach her, a bit bewildered by what I heard:
- I guess that explains why I feel so good around you, all of me. In the past, I would have said my animal side likes you, too... - she blushes. - Are you hungry?
- I'm glad you no longer see yourself as a binary or ternary being, happy even! I'm not hungry after my cappuccino, but I saw how tired you were and accept to join you for dinner, perhaps with a juice, is it possible?
- Sure, let's go. - and I guide her to the kitchen, where the other two had recently passed, but I heard them leaving as we arrived.
The kitchen is large with a high counter in the center, dozens of stools, various cabinets, two refrigerators, and an industrial stove. Sitting on one of the stools, she can only express herself:
- This place must have been bustling with life in the old days... Wow!
I grab various cold cuts, two large glasses of juice, and two different juices:
- It was amazing. Seeing people being themselves, learning from each other. It was a huge family and, because of that, had gigantic problems too. It was a time of growth, so it's sad that things have a beginning and an end, you know? But it's the rhythm of life; I've been through it three times.
As I spoke, she looked at me firmly, conveying empathy and strength, smiled at the end, and just ran her hand over mine. Nodding positively. She knew when to be silent, that was one of her qualities. I made a sandwich, we talked about trivialities while she sipped on an orange juice. We laughed, she asked about the uniform:
- It was an attempt to dramatize to scare, the colors made it easy for the enemy not to see me bleed, it worked for years.
- I can imagine!... It leaves little to the imagination, doesn't it? - she ventures.
- We need to talk, sweetheart... - I speak seriously. - What did you mean by "going slow," honestly, your actions are quite ambiguous. I'm confused, you know?
Her eyes saddened. She took another sip of juice and adjusted her glasses, searching for the words:
- I'm confused too. In my lifetime, I've seen and read a lot. I have a lot of theory but no practice. I love flirting, but I'm petrified of what comes next! I know I can't have a teenage experience in a woman's body, but my brain, in that regard, is also inexperienced! - she covers her lips with her hands - How am I going to balance this, I have no idea, you know? I'm a box of psychological issues, that's why I decided to study what I studied. To understand myself... - and she nervously laughs.
- Hmm... - I say, taking a few minutes to think, then continue eating my sandwich - I think I understand the issue, and it's not easy... I'm not the best person at this, since I've never seen myself as monogamous and have no intention of going back to my teenage years, you know how tumultuous they were, babe!...
- Monogamy is rare among primates... I don't know if I could ask for something I don't believe in either... But I don't have a healing factor, you know? Is it worth risking and stirring up what's quiet just because there's an opportunity with a hunk like you?
I can't help but laugh out loud; it's not every day someone calls me a "hunk."
- I understand you're concerned about me passing on some disease, is that it? Don't worry, I always use protection. And after we, I mean, if we, you know, make love, there's no going back for you. It's a good question to know if you want to open that door, that realization, or if ignorance is what you want. For me, I love flirting, enjoy some heavy petting, but there comes a time when just that isn't enough, so, would my pace be the same as yours?
- That's the thing, that's what I want to get at... Probably not! Since you have more experience, it could end up hurting us in the end. I wouldn't want that, not for you, not for me. - she then lowers her head and drops this gem: On the other hand, I can't imagine anyone else I'd want to do this with.
- There you go! That's what I'm talking about. You say something like that and it gets my blood boiling; I feel like making love to you right on this table, babe! Damn!... It's tough... I think every deal is worth it. We could come to an agreement, you know?
- I'm all ears, Logan. I think it's better to be honest than to imagine how the other will react. Oh! Thanks for not acting according to your will...
- I don't know, we could stick to heavy petting for a few weeks, what do you think? I promise not to cross the line, as long as you commit to trying to loosen up, what do you think? Too much?...
- I don't know, it sounds like a good deal. I'll learn some tricks from the best at what he does, and if that makes me feel comfortable, I'll definitely loosen up enough to ask you to cross that line. And if it doesn't work out, we each go our own way?
- That's it. But you realize that in this agreement, you'll be the one who suffers more, right? I'm kind of irresistible...
She laughs in my face for a few minutes... Good to know she's grounded in this matter. While laughing, she reaches out to me after spitting in her palm. I notice the irony of it, if we go further, we'll exchange more than just saliva. I accept! I spit in mine too, accept the challenge, and say:
- But we start tomorrow, okay? Tonight, I just want to take you home because it's late, Laura.
She looks at the clock and opens her mouth; it was already past one in the morning.
- I didn't even notice the time passing. Agreed.
The return happens with a tighter hug from her against my body; sometimes when I stop at a traffic light, she takes the opportunity to put her hands in the pockets of my jacket or on my leg. I'm starting to think this woman is going to drive me crazy!...
I don't get off the bike when I drop her off at her house. I said I'm not starting anything today, and I intend to keep my word, but when she takes off her helmet and comes to say goodnight with a kiss on the cheek, I can't resist!
- Thank you for bringing me, for today's surprises!
Her scent is so addictive that I turn to meet her lips. I was expecting her to pull away, but instead, she starts kissing me awkwardly; I laugh as I fit our mouths together and finish the kiss.
- What were you laughing at? Can I know?
- Look, don't get mad at me for being honest, okay? I was laughing at your inexperience, not in a bad way, but in a cute way, you know?
Her face turns into a cloud of doubts. She squints her eyes, twists her mouth in such a funny way.
- I don't know what to make of your answer. Besides thanking you for your honesty, of course... I didn't know Wolverine could detect a "cute sense" of things, and I'm confused...
- Ah! But this confusion is easy! You'll never have to deal with Wolverine unless you're a hardcore mutant beyond redemption... Otherwise, I'll always be Logan, and thanks to some deep talks, this guy can pick up on a lot of things he used to suppress. Come here! - I was still on the bike, I hugged her and ran my hand through her hair, while she took the opportunity to sit on my thigh to match our height - I didn't consider myself good with words, but now I know that hiding what we think from others isn't good for anyone, and I think it's only fair that you're the person who will first receive this side of me, because you're the reason it's come out.
She smiles at my remarks and adds, running her soft hand across my face:
- I don't consider myself responsible, but a mediator of your potential. It will be a pleasure to be the person who receives these and other manifestations firsthand. The only one who will know the difference is you, Logan. Since the before and after are more your knowledge than mine. Good night...
- Thanks, babe. Take care - I start the bike, make a turn, and add: and make sure you get some sleep!
Because I knew she wouldn't be sleeping anytime soon, thinking about the possibilities this relationship would bring. This was truly uncharted territory for me, as I had changed and had never experienced anything like this before, being with someone who chose not to be with anyone for so long. It's clear she has libido, it's clear she's sexy and knows it, and it seems I was chosen to unlock some issues. Do my abilities extend to that? I have no right to hurt Laura, just as I don't want to suffer for her or anyone else... But if I don't allow myself to experience this, I'll never know what it could be like. Whether I'm capable of giving more than receiving, at least at first.
I guess I can take all of this as another adventure, this time a personal adventure of what it would be like to put Wolverine on the Couch!